-XXV-

It was when the three of them had to meet for a dinner and a beer he got a confirmation something's not right. Shikamaru suspected it right after the camp, when Ino left without waiting for anyone, and hurried back home without saying a word, and Choji was awfully silent the whole time. But when they had to meet, like they'd usually do, once in two weeks or so, and neither of them came, probably thinking the other will be there - well that was something else.

Shikamaru knocked at Choji's door and after a while his friend opened.

"I'm so sorry guys, I don't feel too well, I think I ate something…" He tried his best to put up an apologetic face and hold his hand on his supposedly hurting stomach.

Shikamaru snorted and entered without an invitation. Placing the bag with some take-away on the table, he shoved a few bottles of beer into the fridge while Choji followed, a little surprised.

"You didn't stay with Ino for the dinner?" Shikamaru heard a voice over crumpling of a bag as Choji already inspected the contents.

"I would've… If she came." Shikamaru stared into his friends face, waiting for a reaction. A surprise, an open mouth that closed without saying anything, and averted gaze.

"She didn't..?"

"No, she didn't come. Wonder why. And I also wonder why you two have been avoiding each other ever since the camp closing ceremony." He gave his friend a little understanding smile. "Actually, I'm not wondering about that at all; the only thing I'm curious is why hide this from me, above everyone else. You should have known I would figure it out anyway." He smirked.

Choji sighed. He pulled out the carton box, handed another to Shikamaru, and sat down at the table in front of him; only then he lifted his eyes. Shikamaru wasn't being judgeful, he knew he never was, just a small smirk played on his face, testifying he will not make a tragedy out of this and will carry on with a little irony. Humor always helps in the hardest of situations.

"Because I was ashamed! I'm giving you an advice that I myself am unable to follow."

"Well, that makes two of us, so you don't need to feel bad. Your advice was a good one anyway."

Shikamaru dug in his food. He skipped lunch and felt eager to fill his stomach with at least some take-away; he was convinced Choji will join him eagerly but this time his friend seemed to have lost an appetite.

Just as he (they) predicted, Choji was completely shattered. And the way he was avoiding Ino was his self-rescue, since probably seeing her became too painful. Shikamaru knew the feeling all too well.

"You just have to wait for a while. Time helps, you will see. Keep yourself busy with whatever you can think of, and don't let your thoughts wander where they shouldn't."

Choji raised his eyes.

"Yeah, but... I hate being on bad terms with her..."

"Are you two on bad terms?" It would be quite funny if both of them ended up kicked out of their crushes' cabins/beds. Lives.

"Perhaps not bad... but complicated." Choji poked a piece of mushroom with chopsticks. It was apparent he wants to say something else, so Shikamaru kept on eating, giving his friend some time.

"We didn't have a fight or anything..." he began. "It was all just too good... best night of my life, actually. And the worst day after, when she left without a word."

So they did go further than he with Temari.

"Just act normal, as you did before all of this. If you go on trying to talk or otherwise make things right, it will not end well. Trust me, I tried."

Choji chewed a bite lazily, drowned in his own thoughts, before finally asking a question. Meanwhile Shikamaru finished his own meal and fetched two bottles of beer out of the fridge.

"You tried what exactly..?"

That's a good question. What did I actually try?

He took a few gulps, staring through the window at the cold, frosty weather. It should start snowing soon.

"I let her know I was lost without actually intending such a thing. I shouldn't have done that."

"Why?"

Because we both probably wish the culprit of what happened was only alcohol and physical attraction, nothing else. Because she shouldn't have seen she is my weakness. Because I shouldn't have made her think she is the reason behind my crumpling relationship. Because she shouldn't know I am so weak in resisting. Because I can't have her thinking of me what she thinks of her ex. Because she just broke up, and I was nothing else but a right thing at a right time. Because to me she was the most wrong thing at the most wrong time. That felt like the best thing.

"It helped no one. It only made the matters worse."

"And what are you planning to do now?"

"Nothing, Choji, what can I do... Perhaps eat your food since it's getting cold." Shikamaru smirked once again, subconsciously avoiding the subject of his own inner fights and hoping it will pass. It didn't.

"I mean... what are you going to do about Mina?"

Shikamaru raised his eyes at his friend. His head was silent. The normal stream of thoughts was gone, the normal action planning phase following the question "What are you going to do?" was absent.

Perhaps...

"I will wait and see."

Wait and see how will things go. If something will change from what we have now. How will I feel. How will us feel. Wait and see if I will be able to set my priorities straight and act upon my decision, or will I openly become a scumbag that I already am. Wait and see if the situation we are in, I am in, is reparable.

"Why do I get the feeling that you already know?"

Choji's words went straight through his heart. "Don't make me question what are you going to do."

"Fair enough." Choji chuckled. He cracked open his own beer and raised a bottle, looking at Shikamaru. "Never thought we could get ourselves into something like that."

"Aah."

When he woke up, Mina was already gone. Her side of bed was made, as always, and on it lay a freshly washed pile of clothes he was about to wear today.

The house smelled of coffee and breakfast; the sandwitches on the plate were still warm. There was a note next to it.

"Dear Shikamaru, I made some breakfast but heat it up, it's much better while warm. There's also your lunch box in the fridge, the green one - I hope you will feel like onigiri today. I was thinking about making dumplings in the evening - what do you think? I'll run by the shop after my work and buy everything we will need. Have a great day! Love, Mina"

He wandered into the bathroom to find a new, fresh towel hanging for him on the rack. As he extended his hand for a toothbrush, placed in a small glass, he froze for a second, realizing there were two of those instead of one. When did this happen?

Shikamaru stepped towards the door to find all of his shoes lined up precisely side by side, without a grain of dirt under or around them, even though yesterday he came back with muddy feet.

He pressed his nose bridge, as if trying to wake up from a slumber, and sighed.

Mina was a perfect girl. Good, never angry, never causing any conflicts, always cheerful and in a good mood, always praising him for his positive qualities, never complaining about his negative ones, never nagging about anything. The house was always clean whenever she was here, the food was ready, he was taken care of through and through. She would be an ideal mother for her children, kind, loving, giving them and her family her full attention, pushing her work to the second place and not even considering to build a career at the expense of the time she could give her family. Merely her presence made the surroundings feel cozy. She was what every man would want. Should want. Rationally thinking, he didn't have a doubt as of why he proposed.

But what gnawed at his head was that he didn't enjoy any of it, not anymore.

He used to enjoy it at the beginning, surely, getting treatment he rarely got from his mother. She took care of him as well, but what Mina did was spoil him, do things for him and ask nothing in return. All was perfect up until the point when suddenly... it wasn't.

He ate the breakfast and took the lunch box, but only because he knew Mina would get hurt if he didn't do that. The precision of his lined up shoes annoyed him, and he barely resisted kicking them purposefully to disarrange the order. He left the towel on the ground, then picked it up on the second thought and hung it nicely where he found it. But he didn't make his side of bed. He wanted to behave exactly like a nasty, spoiled child; he tried not to because Mina has never done anything to hurt him and he was being unfair to say the least.

She was always a little overwhelming. With time this only increased and strengthened, and maybe, just maybe he wouldn't even have noticed if not the camp. Now what he craved for was some time away from his fiancee, as less as possible to tell the truth. He felt like he needed to rearrange his thoughts and come up with a plan, a decision, a something. Something to make him feel not lost. In the back of his mind he sensed it was a lie. He needed his time alone because he didn't need Mina any more, he didn't want her. There was a slight chance things might get better, but since he did not get his time and vice versa, what he got was more and more of Mina since she practically moved in - things were not looking very positive.

He thought he made a decision while he was still at the camp. It was probably a right decision - breaking up with Mina and continuing his life separately, stopping hurting and deceiving her before it was too late. But the decision was made under influence of a certain person's presence even though she had no idea. Now when he was back to his damned routine, it lulled his eyes and he gave up to the current, swimming together with it, even though more often he felt like drowning.

His nerves were not right anymore, they never quite came back to the normal status they were before the camp; he made mistakes at his work, he spent less time with his friends, he spent more time talking long walks in the woods alone, he found himself wandering to the graves of Asuma and his dad much more often than he used to.

Deep down he knew, he understood what he had to do. But just as he has told himself a long time ago - he's the number one coward - and the fear crippled him to take such a big step that would influence... everything.

Hey!

A peak at Shikamaru's life several weeks after the camp. Please tell me what you think and how you see what I might missed myself!

Love,

Cafe