Redemption

Disclaimer: Tamora Pierce owns all of PotS. Everything you recognize is hers; everything you don't recognize is mine.

A/N: Fluffy fluff coming right up, but there's still a bit of plot included. Enjoy! Thanks for all those awesome reviews! :D

Summer Downpour

Kel dreamed of a time when her brother Inness had taken her to the River Domin to teach her how to fish. She was perhaps four years old and it was before she went to the Yamani Islands with her parents. At the water's edge, they found a mass of gelatinous goop that Inness explained would become little frogs later on. Kel bent down to take a closer look and something in the goop seemed to be moving.

"Those are tadpoles" explained Inness. "Baby frogs have to stay in the water and swim around when they're first hatched. See their little tails and their little legs. They'll get bigger and bigger and lose their tails after a while. Then they'll come hopping up to the garden and eat all those nasty flies." Kel giggled as her big brother mimicked a jumping frog.

In the dream, Kel gasped in surprise. Two of the little tadpoles were looking directly at her and waving their front legs at her. It was if they were sending her an amphibious greeting. Oddly enough, these tadpoles had the cutest little faces, but stranger still was that one had blue eyes, and the other one had ... hazel eyes. Kel reached out to scoop them up, but they swam away, deeper into the murky water. That dream ended and Kel dreamed other dreams as the night wore on, but none were as clear as the cute tadpoles.

Spring gave way to summer and Joren and Kel made another successful journey to Corus with their covered wagonloads full of silver ore and cut stone. Bandits attacked the caravan only once this time. The two knights and their men had very little difficulty defeating the would-be thieves and they brought in another long chain of prisoners. Several village artisans and craftsmen had come with the caravan to display their work to the shopkeepers in Corus and take orders for delivery in time for the autumn harvest festivals. Also, the university mage and scholars rode with the caravan. They were ready to present their findings about the earthquake fault line to the King and his council. Kel and Joren both stayed in rooms at the palace so they would be available whenever the council had questions or guidance for them.

Kel was pleasantly surprised to see her brother Inness at the palace. She ran across the courtyard when she spotted him and he picked her up and swung her around like a she was a little girl. Inness had chosen a new squire and so he was in Corus to outfit the young man and get him ready for their mission back on the Scanran border. Joren watched the mini family reunion with interest. Kel smiled and laughed with her brother in a way that Joren had rarely seen. He envied the closeness the Mindelan siblings shared, and stood there awkwardly until Kel thought to introduce him.

"Lord Joren of Stone Mountain, this is my brother Sir Inness of Mindelan," Kel introduced the two men. They greeted one another formally and Kel could see that her brother's eyes were narrowed, his expression hardened. She suddenly realized that Inness would remember Joren as a person who had harmed his 'baby' sister, and she placed her hand on Inness' arm to stop him from doing or saying something unwise.

"Inness, Lord Joren and I have just completed another caravan down from the mountains," Kel began, her face now Yamani calm. "You may recall that Stone Mountain is right next to Fort Stonebridge. We combine our efforts and get all the goods safely to Corus. It's working out fine, right Lord Joren?" "Please be your charming self now. Nobody here knows how much you've changed, Joren. Nobody in my family will trust you, that's for certain."

"I hope for your safe return, Lord Joren," Inness said slowly and deliberately. "Kel, I'd like a word with you. Please excuse us, sir." Inness bowed to Joren and held on to Kel's arm as he guided her to one of the palace gardens.

"Kel, I know you're a renown knight and a hero and all that," Inness began, "But how are you able to handle being around that man and not want to kill him?"

"Inness! For shame! Joren's a fellow knight," Kel shocked herself by defending Joren. "We have endured an earthquake and we have fought off bandits together. Joren's a brave fighter and he's one of the best swordsmen I know."

"But Kel..." Inness started, looking at his sister as if she had sprouted donkey ears.

"Yes, I know," Kel put up her hand and interrupted him, "Joren and I have had our differences and our conflicts, but that's all in the past. For gods' sakes, the man was in a Deep Sleep for seven years! His whole world changed. He missed the Scanran war. His father and his uncle died while he was asleep. This has been very difficult for him. What's in the past is in the past. Let it be."

"So you like him now?" Inness was incredulous.

"I'm not saying I want to have his children," protested Kel, "But Joren's alright, so long as I don't turn my back to him. Please, Inness, don't bear him any malice. I no longer do."

"Fine." Inness said through tight lips. "But you watch yourself around him. I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him. Cleon told me stories about that guy. I can't believe you ..."

"Inness, stop!" Kel pleaded. "I told you, I'm being very careful around him. When did you start being such a big brother, anyway?"

Kel's brother sighed. "My daughter, your niece, wants to come to the palace next year. She wants to be a knight - like you. Her mother is furious at me." His expression became hard again. "But if I ever find out that any older pages or squires harass my girl the way they did to you, I might not be able to stop myself from hurting someone. I don't know how you endured it, Kel. Why didn't you ever ask for our help?"

"Inness, girls have been training as pages now for the last three years," said Kel, "I may get my first squire after next year's exams! Things aren't so bad here now. Padraig haMinch has made a lot of changes for the good. And you know it would have done me more harm to tell you about my troubles at the time. I had to work it out for myself. See? I'm just fine. I'm sure your daughter will be fine, too. Now let it be."

"Mithros, Kel!" exclaimed Inness softly, "When did you grow up? I remember taking you down to the river to fish just like it was yesterday."

Kel laughed and hooked her arm through her brother's arm. "I grew up a long time ago, brother dear. Now, tell me, how are things at Mindelan?" And they walked and talked in the garden for a while. Later at dinner, Kel met Inness' new squire and they told him stories of life at Fief Mindelan. Neal and Yuki had joined them for dinner and everyone at the table toasted the good news that Prince Roald and Princess Shinkokami were expecting a second child. Joren watched all these interactions from a distance. He felt lonelier than ever and went back to his room to brood about it.

On his way to his room, Joren took a shortcut through one of the gardens and came across a new statue that had not been there during his years in training. He was certain that the stone from which it was carved had come from his quarries and went in for a closer look. A nearby gardener confirmed Joren's thoughts and then informed him that the Commander of the King's Own had put up the memorial recently in honor of his men who were lost at sea in the Yamani Islands. Joren remembered well that Kel had been Lord Raoul's squire and he thought it was likely that she would have known at least some of the fallen men.

When Joren looked at the list of names on the base of the statue, one name jumped out at him - Domitan of Masbolle. Could this be Kel's 'Dom'? Joren meditated on his memories of his Chamber 'visits' with Kel until he had a face to put with that name. When he finally remembered Kel's youthful crush on Dom, even as Cleon was courting her, his heart sank. So, that was it - Joren wasn't competing for Kel's love with someone he could even challenge. Everyone knew that 'ghosts' had a tendency to become more and more perfect in the memories of those who loved them. Joren knew then that his task of winning Kel's love would be more difficult than he ever thought before.

When all of their business was wrapped up, they all joined the caravan and departed the city together for the return trip up the mountain trails. Kel and Joren rode side by side during the trip, scanning the horizon for trouble, but word had gone out amongst the rogues and criminals not to bother with the Stone Mountain and Fort Stonebridge caravans anymore. There were much easier pickings along different roadways. On their third day out of Corus, the weather became unseasonably hot. Everyone was dripping with sweat as the sun beat down on them through hazy clouds and the animals needed more water breaks than usual. Even Kel's mild-mannered horse, Hoshi was irritable and balky.

"Phew! It is hot out here today!" Joren exclaimed as he slowed his horse to a walk next to Kel and Hoshi. "One of your army healers is back there telling everyone to drink more water and loosen their tunics. Gods! This is unbearable. Give me the thin mountain air anytime." "Fool! Stop chattering like a gossipy old lady. Talk about something important. Talk about Dom."

"Yeah, I agree with you," Kel muttered as she wiped the sweat from her brow. "I like the mountains more and more." "Not now! I'm too hot and bothered to make pleasant conversation with you. Can't you see? I've got my Yamani face on. Go talk to someone else."

Joren was silent for a while and then he decided to plunge right in to the dreaded topic. "So, Kel, I saw a new statue when we were at the palace," Joren began as his horse plodded along. "It was made from some of our north quarry stone - the kind that's mostly gray. It was very interesting. The gardener told me it was a memorial dedicated to some men of the King's Own who were lost at sea. Have you seen it?" "Mithros, help me do this right!"

Kel froze for a moment. Of course she had seen it. She had visited that part of the garden every day while they were in Corus. Every day she sent prayers to the Yamani Wave-Walker Goddess to take care of Dom's soul. Every day she ran her fingers across Dom's name etched in the stone. Kel gripped her reins tightly, made her face blank and nodded her head. Joren immediately noticed the change in Kel's demeanor, but wisely did not comment on it.

"I think it's a wonderful tribute to those fallen men." continued Joren, knowing he was entering dangerous territory. "Did you know any of them?" "Please Kel, talk to me, and tell me the truth."

"Yes," Kel answered woodenly, "I knew all of them. I trained with them when I was Lord Raoul's squire." "Dom ... my poor Dom. Please, don't ask any more questions."

"I'm sorry for the loss of your friends, Kel" Joren said sincerely, "I didn't mean to bring up sad memories. I can see I've upset you." "Don't hate me for what I'm about to do."

"No, it's alright," Kel knew she had to snap out of her mood before Joren asked any painful questions. "Just stop talking about it! I don't want to talk about it!"

"Do you want to talk about it?" Joren asked, knowing it was like pouring salt into her wounds. "I've heard that telling stories about the departed can have a good effect. We've got many miles ahead of us." "Tell me about the 'ghost man', Kel. Tell me about Dom."

Kel's face had drained of all its color and she was feeling slightly dizzy. She removed her helm and set it front of her on her saddle. She ran her fingers through her matted hair, which was plastered to her scalp with perspiration. Kel turned to Joren and said, "Thank you for your concern, but I would rather not talk about the ... the departed today. I think it's getting hotter. Don't you feel warm?" "Leave it alone, Joren, or I'll have to ..." But Kel never finished that thought because one of her army healers, Martin of Disart, came trotting up beside them.

"Lord Joren, Lady Keladry," Martin bowed his head to each of them, "Four of our soldiers have fallen out due to the heat. I must insist that we stop and set up camp for the night before anyone else is incapacitated. You look like you could use a break, too, my lady. You should take off your tunic - it's just too hot today! There is a good running stream to the west of us, where we can cool down in the shade. We might even be able to put up some tents before that storm hits." And he waved his hand toward the dark, angry-looking clouds approaching from the southern horizon.

"Alright, Martin," agreed Kel. "Let's get everyone closer to the river." "That's just great! And we're in between any decent inns. I hate being wet."

The caravan turned off of the road and circled up in an open field. Several soldiers started pitching tents. Kel made the rounds with the healer, checking with everyone to make sure they drank plenty of water and took off their outer cloaks or tunics. The rain became heavier and heavier, and soon Kel was soaked. She didn't really mind, though because the wetness had cooled her off. Kel preferred sleeping under the stars, but once the downpour began, she knew she'd have to put up her shelter. After Kel picketed her horse with the others, she looked around for a good spot to put up her little tent, but most of the ground was so muddy it was just disheartening.

"Kel! Over here!" She heard Joren's voice and looked around to see where it was coming from. The rain ran down her face and neck onto her already soaked shirt. Finally she spotted Joren waving to her from beneath a canvas flap of one of the empty cargo wagons. On the return trip, most of the wagons contained supplies and other goods that people needed back in their villages, but some were empty. Joren had commandeered one of them for the night, instead of pitching a tent in the rain. Kel smiled inwardly at Joren's resourcefulness, threw her pack up to him, and climbed into the wagon. It was nice and dry and she blinked a lot while her eyes adjusted to the dim, filtered light. There was a lot of dust because this wagon had carried stone from the quarry, but Kel didn't mind. She was finally out of the rain.

"It's really coming down out there," commented Joren. "I asked the wagon master if he would be sleeping in here, but his son had already put up their tent."

"Mithros, she's soaked through and I can see her ... Stop looking!"

"I just hope the roads don't get too boggy," replied Kel, oblivious to the translucency of her white shirt. She had followed the healer's adviceand removed her tunic when he saw her looking sickly pale, so she was wearing just her shirt and a pair of wool breeches tucked into her sopping wet boots. All of her wet clothes stuck to her like a second skin. "Great! We'll be here extra days, digging wheels out of the mud. Gods, all I want is a warm bath!"

"Here ... you're all wet," Joren threw Kel a dusty horse blanket that he found in the corner of the wagon. "Do you have any dry clothes in your pack?" "Please stay covered up! Please, please, please! I'm trying to behave around you."

Suddenly, it occurred to Kel that she was all alone, in a dimly lit covered wagon, with Joren. Her senses went on high alert and she snuggled herself into the smelly blanket. There was no way she would be changing into dryer clothes in front of this man. She had more sense than that.

"Um ... yes, I do," Kel replied slowly, "But I think I'll be fine for now. The dampness has actually helped me cool down from before." "Nice try, snake man, but I'm keeping my clothes on - wet or not."

"Suit yourself," Joren shrugged and he started rummaging in his own pack for some food. "That's definitely fine with me. The less I think about you naked, the better."

"I have some bread and dried venison," offered Kel. "We probably could put together a fairly decent supper if we shared our food." "I just hope it's not all wet. That would be a shame, because I'm starving."

Joren had some hard cheese and two apples, along with some bead and dried meat. The two knights shared their simple soldier's meal in companionable silence. Neither of them wanted to be the first to say anything. Kel certainly did not want to return to the topic they had been discussing before they pulled off the road. Joren was searching his mind for a safer way to get Kel to open up about her past relationships. The hidden sun went down, and what little light there had been in the wagon was completely gone. Kel could hear the sounds of the sentries settling in to their posts and knew that she had some of the best soldiers in the realm. Joren's voice startled her out of her thoughts.

"We probably should try to get some rest," he said. "Which side of the wagon do you want to sleep on?" "Just so long as it's far away from me."

"You're right," Kel agreed. "I'll put my bedroll over here. Thanks." "So far, so good. He hasn't tried anything sneaky. I just wish I could see his eyes. It's so dark in here."

Both of them listened to the sounds of each other preparing for bed. Kel felt safe enough in the darkness to turn her back to Joren and change into her dry breastband and shirt. She wiggled into her bedroll to change her breeches and loincloth - there was no way she would chance even a peek of exposure. Joren stayed on his side of the wagon and heard all the different noises Kel was making as she changed her clothes. He tried not to think about what she was doing, but he was unsuccessful. Finally, Kel settled down and they both laid there in the dark, listening to the rain splattering against the canvas.

"Kel," Joren broke the silence, "Have you ever thought about getting married and having children?" "Here we go!"

Kel was stunned. Earlier, before the storm hit, Joren had talked about the memorial to Dom and his men, and now this. Was he trying to get on her last nerve? Kel was grateful for the darkness and she let her eyes fill with the hot tears she had wanted to shed earlier. She swallowed loudly and grimaced at the sound. She was sure Joren heard it.

"Uh ... sure," she replied, trying to keep her voice steady. "But not lately. I'm having too much fun being a knight commander, training with my soldiers, fighting off bandits and such." "Gods! I hope that sounded lighthearted enough."

"Oh, well has anyone ever asked you to marry him?" Joren tried to sound casual. "I mean, I know Cleon married someone else, but I just thought that surely, someone must have shown an interest in you at some point." "There's no backing down now."

A silent tear rolled down Kel's stricken face and she thanked the gods again for the darkness before she answered, "I really prefer not to talk about this, Joren." "Please stop it! Why are you so bent on tormenting me with these thoughts today?"

"Do you think you could ever consider ... that you might agree to ... do you like me, Kel?" stammered Joren. "Thank the gods it's so dark in here! I'm probably blushing like a convent girl."

"What?!" Kel sat up in her bedroll, angry that this conversation kept going in a direction she couldn't bear. "Joren! What has gotten into you? We're friends, remember? Just friends - and barely that. You need to spend some more time at court where there are plenty of other ladies with whom you can dally. Lady Celeste and I are not the only women around for you to choose from." "Honestly! The nerve of this ... this ... snake! How can he be so ... so ... single-minded? I thought we were past this. I already threw him out of my bedroom once. I'm going to hate having to move my things back out into the rain, but ... Mithros!" Kel fumed in the darkness, wondering if there might be another empty wagon for her.

"And Domitan of Masbolle is not the only man who can love you, Kel," Joren snapped back before he could stop himself. "Aagh! I didn't mean to say that out loud! Mithros help me, please!"

Kel gasped. She felt like her heart was shattering into a million pieces. He felt like the fool of the century. Neither of them moved or said anything for what felt like an eternity. The rain continued to pour down outside.

"Kel, I ..." Joren began. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!"

"Don't ... say ... another ... word," Kel said through clenched teeth. She was starting to breathe too fast and she tried to hold back the sob that was welling up in her chest, but she failed. "No! I can't talk about this with you! I can't talk about this with anyone! Oh, gods I don't want to cry!"

The effects of day's heat, the night's rain, Joren's questions and her unshed tears for Dom finally burst out of Kel in great heaving sobs. She couldn't hold back her emotions anymore. She felt so ashamed of the tears that ran down her face and the hiccupping sounds that came from her throat. She tried to think of the calm pools and hard stones of her Yamani training, but she was just too overwhelmed.

Joren slowly got out of his bedroll and came over to Kel. He tentatively put his arm around her and began to kiss away her tears. Kel wanted to push him away, but it just felt so good to lean on someone else's shoulder for a change, and if that shoulder happened to belong to her old enemy Joren, so be it. She was tired of being a stone.

"I'm sorry, Kel. I'm so sorry." Joren kept apologizing over and over. He kept wiping and kissing away Kel's tears. Her sobs slowly subsided until she could take a few deeper breaths. Joren hesitated and then he gently pressed his lips to Kel's lips.

The lightning strikes around the countryside were nothing compared to the jolts of electricity that passed between Kel and Joren. Kel's body completely overrode her mind as Joren's kiss deepened. All she could think about was that it had been so long since anyone had ... what? Dom was dead. It was time to face up to that. She had felt nothing when Merric kissed her that one time. But Joren ... Joren! His kisses and caresses were making her whole self come alive and she couldn't seem to get close enough to him. Joren was already lost in the moment and couldn't have turned back if he tried. Somewhere in the back of Kel's mind, a tiny voice cried "Snake bite!"

In the torrential downpour, no one noticed the wagon that gently rocked back and forth throughout the stormy night.

A/N: Please R & R. Thanks!