day twenty-one

They didn't let him see Ally at the hospital. Patrick had shown up even before her father had and told him to follow him, while doctor Friedman scooted past them to get to the nurse desk and ask for information. She'd disappeared behind the line they'd told him not to cross just mere seconds later, and he'd felt anger build up in his stomach while Patrick rudely pulled him away.

Once they'd gotten to the parking lot, Austin had violently wriggled out of his grasp to send him a hateful look.

"I'm not leaving!" he'd spat.

"Yes, you are. You should get in the car before I call the police." His tone had been calm but dreadful, and in spite of Austin's resolve to stay until he at least knew if she was gonna be okay, he'd followed his therapist all the way to his car and got in without another word.

They'd driven back to the rehab facility in complete silence and gotten there just as the first timid sun rays had started tinting the pitch black sky a more forgiving indigo. Just moments later they were in Patrick's office, and Austin could feel his deep disappointment on his skin.

He'd never thought Patrick could look this menacing, nor this unforgiving.

"Do you want me to explain?" he asked, after fifteen minutes had gone by without the therapist saying a word.

"No."

"Why are we here, then?"

Patrick never stopped looking at him while he talked. "We're here to wait to hear if Ally is going to be okay or not. After we do, you are going to go to your room and pack your bags, if you haven't already, so you can leave this facility as soon as your parents come to get you."

"What? You're kicking me out?!"

"We're not. You've done your twenty-one days. As of today, you're discharged."

"But I—you're not gonna make me stay longer? I thought—I mean, Dez—"

"Mr Wade never put another patient in danger, and he never stole a prescription from his therapist."

"So you're just gonna give up on me?"

Patrick sighed. There was actual anger seeping through his eyes, a sentiment that almost looked wrong on him. On some level, Austin understood his disappointment. He didn't like himself very much either that night. He'd made a long series of bad decisions and even if he'd managed to right a few of them, he'd still been careless enough to put Ally's life at risk. He'd been cruel to her, which was the thing he most likely would never forgive himself for. He thought he was better than that, better than cruelty. Especially when it came to her.

Patrick kept looking at him in that pissed off way, and Austin trained his own eyes to his hands, resting on his lap. He desperately wanted to explain, but hated the idea of anything he could possibly say sounding like an excuse. Because there were no excuses, he'd been stupid, he'd been selfish, he didn't even deserve Patrick's compassion or understanding.

Still, he craved it more than anything.

"Would you blame me if I did? If I gave up on you?"

"No, I guess not." He slumped in his chair even more.

"Do you think I want to give up on you?"

"Why else would you do it?"

"Because you give me no other choice, damn it!" Patrick stood up, his chair scraping against the ground as he bored his angry, disappointed eyes into Austin's. "You made progress! You were able to admit you have a problem, you were willing to work on it! And now you're back to being the bored kid who doesn't understand the consequences of his actions! It makes me think that you haven't changed at all! That you've been faking it this whole time, just to get out as soon as possible and go back to drinking and partying!" he yelled.

Something snapped in Austin's chest and he got up too, almost knocking his chair down in the process. "That's not fair!" he shouted. "I make one mistake and that's it, you're done with me? I thought it was supposed to be a long, difficult road! And you give up the first time I trip and fall?!"

Patrick leaned back, shoulders slumping ever so slightly. He pushed his glasses up his nose and looked down. He almost seemed embarrassed.

"I'm sorry," he said, very quietly. "You're right, I'm sorry."

To Austin, it felt like taking a breath for the first time in hours. It was only one breath, before he remembered that he still didn't know if Ally was gonna be okay, but it was enough to clear his thoughts and cool down a bit.

"Penny Dawson—she was like an older sister to me. Ally is the closest thing to a family I've got."

Austin looked at him, his pained face, his fingers digging into his sockets as if to rub a really mean headache away.

"I'm sorry I didn't take care of her like I should've," said Austin, his voice breaking with a tremble. "This never would've happened if I wasn't so fucking weak."

"Austin—"

"I was so awful to her, I didn't think of the consequences. I didn't think, and I put her in danger. What's the point of having stood up to Trent if she was gonna suffer anyway?"

Patrick looked at him stone-faced for a couple of seconds, before he let out a short sigh and collapsed back into his chair. "Why don't you tell me what happened?" he gestured for him to sit down as well, and Austin did. "Start from the beginning. And please, no more lying, okay?"

"Okay."

The sun slowly began his ascent as Austin told Patrick everything. From the first time he and Ally had slept together to the events that had led to her overdosing incident. Patrick listened carefully, eyebrows knit together, without giving any sign that lead to his surprise, or lack thereof.

Austin's parents arrived just as he was finishing his recount, giving him barely any time to recompose himself before his mother slung her arms around him and started sobbing on his shoulder.

"Mr and Mrs Moon, I'm glad you're here," greeted them Patrick, standing up to shake Austin's father's hand. The latter looked halfway between furious and disappointed, resembling Patrick's expression from earlier, but somehow managing to seem even more menacing, even more unforgiving.

Austin figured he could kiss his whole career goodbye.

"I was so worried," his mother cried, gripping his arms tight enough it hurt. Austin wasn't able to look her in the eyes. "When they told us you had run away, I was so afraid something awful might happen..."

"Run away?" Austin asked, confused.

"We noticed your and Ally's absence before we got the call from the hospital," Patrick told him.

"Are you okay, sweetie? Are you hurt?"

"No, mom, I'm f—"

"Did you take anything?" his father sounded much less worried and much more baleful.

"No, I didn't," was Austin's calm-ish response.

"Drugs? Alcohol? Don't lie to us, Austin."

"I didn't take anything!" he shouted, slightly hurt that neither of his parents seemed to believe him.

"On the phone you said you were over all of that shit! Were you lying to us?"

"NO I WASN'T! I didn't drink, I didn't get high, okay?!"

"And you suppose we believe that your friend tried all by herself?" his father was shouting, too.

"No! Just—just let me explain!"

"Why? So we can let you deny everything for the hundredth time? We're tired of this, Austin!"

"How about I explain?" interjected Patrick, before either of them could spit out anything they might really regret. Austin felt a wave of gratitude towards his therapist, and abandoned his fighting stance, unclenching his wrists and relaxing his shoulders.

"Austin, could you wait for us downstairs? You should grab some breakfast while you're at it, too."

He wasn't hungry, but he gladly left the room anyway, under his mother's tearful stare and his father's disappointed huff.

As he climbed down the stairs to get to the foyer, he was struck by how normal everything seemed. A few patients were having breakfast, chatting amongst themselves or with the nurses, while other sat outside and read the paper, enjoying the coolness of the shade in the few hours before the sun reached its peak and Florida heat became unbearable.

The sight should've made him feel more normal as well perhaps, but it didn't. The sound of quiet chatter gave him a headache, the smell of bacon made him sick. He wanted to run away to the quietest corner and shut out everything and everyone, to sink into his own misery until he knew if Ally was gonna be okay.

She had to be okay.

He didn't know what he would to if she wasn't. He didn't know what he would do without her.

He didn't give a shit about Elliot or drugs or the fact that she didn't want him. He just wanted her, in any measure she would let him have her. She'd been the only good thing to happen to him in years, and he was selfish enough not to want to let go of her.

He didn't know if he had the right to be selfish anymore, though.

He couldn't stand to see her suffer, and it would've killed him to be the source of her pain. So it's gonna be up to her, he decided. He would've settled for whatever would make her the happiest.

If she's gonna be okay.

His stomach plummeted down to his ankles.

"Austin! What happened?"

He looked up to find Dez standing in front of him, holding a plate full of eggs and ham in both hands and giving him a worried look.

"How much time do you have?" Austin gloomily joked.

"Where's Ally?"

Hearing her name was like a stab into his lungs. "Hospital," he said.

"What? What's wrong with her?"

"Overdosed. Alcohol and Oxy."

"Fuck."

"Yeah."

He had to get out of there or he would lose his mind. He was already having trouble breathing.

"Dude, you don't look very good either." Austin shot him a dark look. "Maybe you should sit down."

"I'm fine."

"Sure?"

"I guess. I just need some air."

"I'll walk you."

"You don't have—"

"I'll walk you."

Dez set his plate down and followed him outside, before taking the lead onto the path that led to the tennis court, slowing down only halfway through it.

"Better?" he asked, looking back at Austin, who sunk his hands into his jeans pockets.

"Yeah, a little."

"Want me to tell a joke?"

"What?"

"It could lift your mood."

"I seriously doubt it."

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?"

"Why?"

"Because the 'P' is silent."

Austin looked at Dez, who looked back at him. "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."

"But you're smiling."

Austin's mom came to find him about an hour later, looking much more calm than she had earlier. She sat down next to him and, miraculously enough, Dez was able to take the hint and left right away.

"Doctor Hale explained everything to us," she began, with a bit of uncertainty. "And you've made a lot of bad decisions, but you've come a long way as well." Austin looked down at his hands joint on his lap. "The clinic is not going to press charges, and both your father and doctor Hale think that you destroying the prescription you stole and standing up to Trent is proof enough that you've changed and accepted your condition. That you're strong enough to be released, commit to a healthier, less stressful lifestyle and stay sober. Your dad agreed to let you continue with your career, as long as you keep putting your health first, and you stay away from clubs for a long while."

The words felt immensely heavy. He'd screwed up, but still they believed he was responsible enough to go on on his own. To go back to his career and his fans and fame, his crazy life just slightly readjusted to make slipping back into old habits a bit harder.

The idea scared him. It terrified him.

"Doctor Hale gave us a few names of very good therapists you could see both in Miami and LA, to help you along and keep you grounded," she stopped to give him a wary smile. "The papers for your release have been signed, you're free to pack up your stuff and come home."

Austin didn't smile. He kept looking down and tried to slow down the painful drumming of his heart.

"I, however, don't think you should," her voice sounded more confident now, and for a second he worried that he'd ruined things so much, his own mother didn't want him anymore. "I don't think you're done, and I don't think you're ready to take care of things on your own. The clinic has agreed to prolong your stay here for as much you think you'll need, or we can find some other place if you'd prefer. You can take another month or two, recover from this incident with no more distractions. Really commit, until you're confident enough to go back to your career."

She rested a hand on the back of his neck, gently stroking his hair. "It's your decision, sweetie. Whatever you believe is best for yourself, your father and I will support you." She stood up. "You should think about if for a while. We'll be waiting for you back inside."

She started to leave, and he realized that if he wasn't gonna ask her now, he would never find the courage to.

"Have you heard from the hospital? Is—is Ally okay?

His mother stopped and turned to find him finally looking up at her. She smiled at him.

"She woke up, the doctors seem to think she's gonna be just fine."

She walked away before she could see the tears of relief falling on her son's cheeks.

an: Well apparently as soon as I warn you guys that I'm gonna take longer to update, I manage to get the chapter ready on time. So here we are, one chapter away from the end, and I'm so thankful to all of you who've stuck by me this long. Ending this fanfiction feels so bittersweet! I've actually finished the last chapter today, but I feel like it still needs work, maybe a lot of it. I will update as soon as I can, please review in the meantime!

Love you all! xx