Insane Love

by SilentInMySanity

After an accident Selina Kyle grew up in Germany where she was supposed to live a normal life but as The Joker appears everything turns into chaos and Selina realizes that maybe her life was all the time supposed to be in Gotham. At the Joker's side she will come to terms with who she is and what she's supposed to be. Alpha/Omega. Joker x Catwoman. AU! NC-17. Angst.

25. Chapter 25 - Drowning in Pain

Chapter 25 – I'm Dying Again, Drowning In Pain

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I wake up rather slowly, like my mind needs to built up piece for piece. I'm awake but can't open my eyes for multiple minutes, are they even minutes? Could be seconds too but I'm not sure. As soon as I can open my eyes I force my body to sit up too. It takes a while but slowly I remember the pain I felt before I broke down, the fear and the feeling of my heart simply cramping together like someone's trying to make it burst by pressing it together. I thought I would die there and I panicked. I remember that I at some point calmed because I heard someone talking to me, at the beginning I wasn't sure who it was but at some point, as my heart calmed and I could hear and think a little again, I realized that it was Alfred. I never thought he would try to calm me, to be honest I thought he would just leave me on the ground and watch how I get this heart attack. I don't know why but I hugged him at some point, just because I didn't know what else to do. And then I apologized to Alfred, for being myself, I never did something like this before but he tried to help me so maybe this was a good thing to do. I don't mean to be this I put my head in my hands and take a deep breathe, whatever it was but it's gone now. I open and close my hands a little and watch the marks of my nails stretching slowly. I don't remember digging my nails into my palms but the marks speak for themselves. I close my eyes as I feel my muscles aching from moving to fast as I want to get out of the bed. Before I can stand up I notice the sound of someone breathing silently and through the smell I can tell that Bruce's watching me. I open my eyes slowly and look up at him. His eyes are focused on me, it seems like he's trying to figure out what I'm thinking. I narrow my eyes slightly but not in anger and open my mouth a few times but I don't find anything I could say so I close it again and turn my head away. It won't take long anyway until he'll find something he can ask me...

'' What was that yesterday? '' I close my eyes softly and try to keep my heart beat under normal rate while taking a deep breathe, shaking my head,

'' That was an after-shock. I didn't know it would happen, I couldn't tell if it would happen at all. ''

'' An after-shock? Why? ''

'' You never wondered why Joker disappeared so soon again after he came here? Why there were murders on single persons instead of crowds? … I was taken hostage from someone. I don't remember my stay there, it seems like my brain's blocking it. Johnathan told me it could happen but through I'm experiencing some changes he couldn't say for sure when it's happening... I have no idea what triggered this yesterday...'' I don't even know why I tell him this, it's non of his business, not to mention that he maybe shouldn't know this about me. I don't know what his motives are yet, I can't read him like I can read other people. He's a lot more complicated, what if I tell him this now and he uses it against me later? I bite my lip softly and curl my hands to small fists but Bruce's already picked up on something,

'' Johnathan? Like in Johnathan Crane? ''

'' He took care of me after Joker got me out of there. I was hurt pretty badly, he made sure I get well again. But there's still a thing or two not right with my muscles and my back still holds some scars. Johnathan makes sure I'm not getting under in pain and... other things...''

'' And Joker's allowing that? The last time I saw him with Crane in the same room he ignored even me in his try to kill him. It was like Joker's going wild every time he sees Crane. Even in Arkham they never let them out of the cell when the other one could run around somewhere. They made sure their cells are far away from each other. '' I smile at that and nod,

'' Yeah Joker's not that happy about me seeing Johnathan but by now he's not complaining anymore. At least not often. After he saved me Joker was a little friendlier with him. ''

'' Saved you? From what? ''

'' A bunch of guys. I wanted to visit him, knocked on the wrong door and suddenly had 4 guys chasing after me. He made them leave and since then they're not looking at me anymore. '' He observes me quietly a moment before sighing,

'' Do you have anything you can take against this? Did Crane give you anything? ''

'' He told me the location of an apothecary where people still owe him a favor, I just couldn't sneak out of here yet. ''

'' I'll get you there. '' He suddenly says what makes me stop in my movements. Is he trying to find out where Johnathan is? Or does he want to take the people that have contact to Johnathan to Black Gate? I can't let that happen. I shake my head and title my head,

'' No thanks... I don't want to be responsible for the Batman taking a friend from him to Black Gate just because I wasn't able to keep clear without the medications. ''

'' I'm not taking anyone to Black Gate if they don't give me a reason for it. Do they give me a reason? ''

'' They're just owing him one, I doubt they're even on a friendly base with him. He didn't sound too fond of them. ''

'' So they don't give me a reason. Get dressed, we can pick something to eat on our way back if you like. ''

'' You taking me shopping? '' I ask with an amused smile and my arms crossed. He smirks a moment but shakes his head,

'' No I'll watch you shopping. I can't let you out of my sight now can I? ''

'' Of course not. '' With a small smile I get off the bed and grab a simple gray shit and a pair of black pants out of the dresser before disappearing in the bathroom. I think about putting some makeup on but then I realize that I don't have any here so I shrug it off and get outside to put on some shoes. Back in my room I find that Bruce also left it to probably get dressed himself. Isn't he working today? I shrug my shoulders and use the opportunity to take a look at my phone and scroll through the news. I stop as I read that Two Face escaped Arkham and wasn't seen since then but his men where seen running around on the streets. I narrow my eyes a little and sit down on the bed to text one of Joker's guys that's constantly something like undercover in Two Face's gang. Joker has a guy or two in every other gang, just to make sure he's not missing anything. It's every time again interesting to see how Joker can make everyone jump just by snapping his fingers. The people that work for him mostly are taller or at least a lot stronger than him and still they fear him like he could break them in two with his bare hands. I breathe out heavily and try to call the name up... I shake my head and scroll through my list until I stop at one name that could fit. Texting could take some time for him to answer... I push my hair back and get off the bed. It rings only a few times,

'' What's Two Face up to? '' I ask coldly as soon as I hear that Tom picked the call. Every time I talk to one of Joker's goons that aren't living in the warehouse my voice gets a touch cooler. I by now realized that I won't get far with them if I'm too friendly so I keep them at distance instead of trying to get a friendly base with them. They don't want that and to be honest I'm not that wild on it either. The colder I am to them the more respect I get and the less one of them gives any comments to me. I doubt they stopped it under one another but that's not my problem. I just don't need one of them coming up to me and trying to make me do anything with them. I cross my free arm over my chest a little and place my elbow then on that arm while the guy takes a moment to recognize my voice, normally Joker only talks to them, or Steve and Mason do and tell Joker later.

'' Uh he's trying to trap the Bat. Whole damn city's full with traps, no way he's gettin' round all these. He may survive it but it'll fuckin' hurt 'im! '' I hear the guy laughing while my mind starts spinning. I can't let Bruce onto the streets tonight, I don't want him to get hurt. Not now and surely not through Two Face. Not if I can prevent it. I hum, give a short 'ok' and hang up again. I somehow need to get him to stay inside the house with me. Just as I place my phone away Bruce comes into my room with a short knock,

'' Ready? ''

'' Do me a favor? '' I ask with a sweet smile. His eyes narrow a little and I see he's getting cautious,

'' What? ''

'' Take the night off. ''

'' What? Why? ''

'' Because I get bored again and then Alfred and I will only get into a fight again... We could watch a movie or something like that. You know, like a sleepover. ''

'' Ok Selina, look at me. '' I title my head amused but look up at him and see him pointing at himself,

'' I'm not a girl, you see that? '' With a loud laugh I nod my head an pat his shoulder,

'' Well normally I'm watching movies with Steve because Joker always uses the same excuse, now I'm alone here so you have to do. ''

'' I can't leave Gotham alone, Two Face broke out of Arkham and I need- ''

'' I know about that and I know that he's not planning anything. Joker's got a guy or 2 in every other gang, I talked to one of them in Two Face's group just before you got in here. '' His eyes narrow suspiciously and he takes a step closer to me. Something in his aura makes me take a step back when he comes closer,

'' You talked to him just now. How? '' His voice lowers and I shudder at the sudden fire in his eyes, he seems almost angry. He's always a little angry, I noticed that but now it's worse. He's cautious, I shouldn't provoke,

'' With my phone, I got it with me. ''

'' How did you smuggle it past the scans in Arkham. ''

'' I installed a chip on it that stops scans to pick up the signal of it. I'm not doing anything bad with it, just made sure everything's going fine because someone has to take care of my Hyenas too. If no one feeds they'll go wild if you know what I mean. Come on, I promise I don't open up Joker's cell- Could I do that? You know, are they secured with a pass code? '' His look gets a little darker and he takes another step up to me,

'' Selina. '' His voice is a low, warning growl. In moments like these I'm happy Batman isn't into hitting women through the house... I shrink a little back and smile up at him nervously, swallowing hard,

'' Sorry... What I meant was that I only checked in to make sure my babies get food and the guys aren't tearing apart the place. Other than that I only used it to talk to Johnathan but just because of the medications and because I wanted to hear a familiar voice...'' I look down a little, giving a kicked kitten look. Every one of the guys that are in the warehouse know they have to feed the Hyenas when me or Joker aren't there and I doubt one of them would break anything, they're too afraid of Joker for that. Every time something broke in the hideout or one of the guys did something wrong I was the one that had to explain things to Joker. And to hear Johnathan's voice really was good, because even if Bruce makes the best of the situation, most of his friendly behavior is just there because he thinks he has to be nice with the poor teenager that got kidnapped and that's now so sad because of everything. I know it's pity, it must be pity. Bruce has no reason to behave like this without pity. He observes me closely, looking for a hint that I lie probably. I know the human eyes changes when we lie and while I feel it when someone lies to me he can see it. At some point he sighs and turns,

'' Come on. '' I look at his back confused a moment before my face slowly spreads out into a wide smile. He's allowing me to keep it so I can talk to Johnathan, so that I can look at the pictures I have on it. Happily I follow him downstairs and into the car that Alfred already pulled up. I exchange a look with the older man and offer a friendly smile. He looks at me another moment but turns his attention then back to the street on what I give a small sigh, now I already apologize and still I'm the devil in human form for him... It takes a few minutes but I can tell abruptly when we enter old Gotham, you see it from the looks of the streets,

'' That's amazing...'' I say as we pass a few houses, they're broken but somehow they have something magical on them. Something fascinating that makes me smile almost excited.

'' There's just a small piece left of it, most of Old Gotham is below ground. Where is that apothecary? ''

'' I'm not sure. Johnathan said they're next to an old apartment complex. ''

'' Then I know where it is, I'll get you there. '' I nod in agree and get out of the car with him as soon as it stopped.

'' You should wait outside, they'll recognize you. '' I say as soon as I see the apothecary. He gives me a look that clearly tells he's not happy about that but he nods anyway. I look around another moment and enter then the small house, the apothecary is closed, that one I see abruptly but it still has some charm.

'' Hello? '' I step further into the dark room and stop in front of the reception. The only noise around me is the sound the wind leaves as it blows through the small cracks that are in the windows which are covered in boards. I feel a cold shudder run over my back, this reminds me a lot too much on a horror movie. I swallow hard and bite my lip, this isn't a horror movie, this is just a dead part of the city and this is just a closed apothecary where I need to get a medication from people that know the Scarecrow... Ok this is pretty much like a horror movie... I jump with a small yelp as I hear something moving in the shadows and the floor creaking, if there now are eyes glowing red or white I'm so out of here...! Hesitating I take a step closer but avoid touching anything,

'' Uh... Johnathan Crane sends me... he told me I can pick up my medications here...'' Suddenly the small dirty lamps that are on the ceiling above me start to flicker but that soon dies down again... just like the light. I swallow hard as I'm suddenly standing in the dark.

'' I-Is anyone there...? '' The squeaking of the floor behind me makes me turn around in a rush but no one's there.

'' Ok that's it... no horror movies anymore...'' I murmur while turning around. As soon as I face the reception again I'm also face to face with a old woman with messy, gray hair, almost black eyes and a long nose. Her hands are folded in front of her chest and there's a creepy grin plastered on her face,

'' I was waiting for you. '' Her voice has a scratchy, high sound that makes me shudder. I look silently at her with wide eyes for a seconds and run then out with a loud scream. This is so enough, I got enough of this city, I got enough of Gotham, I got enough of creepy horror movies! As soon as I spot Bruce coming up to me through he more likely heard me scream I practicually jump him, almost knocking him over while clinging to him for my dear life,

'' What's wrong?! '' He asks loudly, gripping my shoulders and peeling me off him,

'' There's a ghost! '' I say loudly while looking back at the small apothecary.

'' ...A ghost... You want to tell me there's a ghost? ''

'' Do I stutter?! I turned because there was a noise behind me and as I turned back it was right in front of me! '' He eyes me with a look that clearly tells that he thinks I lost it before he shakes his head with a sigh,

'' Ok that's enough, come on. '' Grabbing my hand he pulls me towards the small apothecary again while I try to hold him back,

'' No we need to get salt and guns with rock-salt patrons and holy water! Maybe even silver, depends on what exactly we're dealing with..! It could kill us if we're not prepared- ''

'' Selina do me the favor and be quiet. '' I shut my mouth but inch closer to him while holding onto his shirt. Suddenly I really feel like a 4 year old that's going through the spook house.

'' Hello? Is someone there? '' Bruce asks into the darkness on what I get pail, realizing my mistake,

'' I did the same mistake, don't ask that... That sentence is like a free-to-kill for ghosts and such...'' I whisper but he silences me with a look. As soon as we both look up again I once more scream as she's there again, just now that I have more distance to her through Bruce is between us. While I feel my eyes widen, Bruce keeps completely calm,

'' Are you the friend Dr. Crane told me about? '' She asks with a smile at me, only smiling shortly at Bruce. I look around a moment before tightening my grip on Bruce's shirt while leaning past him slightly,

'' Do you have salt here? '' While Bruce groans out half amused half annoyed the woman-ghost titles her head confused,

'' Yes why do you need it? ''

'' I want to throw it at your face. ''

'' ...Why...? ''

'' To see if you're a ghost. '' She looks at me like I'm crazy a moment before she suddenly laughs loudly,

'' Is it because of the light? You see the lines here are in pretty bad shape, and the floor is old. I tried to talk to you but you were out faster than a lighting bolt. '' I get a little red from embarrassment as I hear Bruce laughing,

'' Can I still have the salt? Just making sure...''

'' I would rather not have salt in my hair. ''

'' You just have to hold it in your hand. If it burns through your skin I'm out. '' With a sigh she disappears in the dark again on what Bruce turns to me,

'' How many horror movies did you already watch? ''

'' I lost count since I'm 13...'' I bite my lip and look away, normally this would never have scared me. I was in a lot scarier situations already. After all I met Joker with 14, that alone is scary enough I think. The kidnapping and the whole fighting... I spent 2 nights in a forest alone before I met Joker, because I wanted to make sure there's no one trying to hunt. I told my mom I spent these nights at Lily's. There were noises that were scarier and there that guy attacked me but I wasn't afraid there, not like this. Is this an after-effect too? I shake it off as the woman comes with a bottle and a little salt in her hands back.

'' Better? '' She asks, to my surprise still with a smile on her face. In her position I would by now have thrown me out with a kick in the ass. Or call anyone to pick me up and get me to Arkham.

'' Yeah, sorry bout that. I'm a little paranoid lately. '' I laugh a little embarrassed while scratching the back of my neck. She nods understanding and hands the bottle to me,

'' 2 pills every day, not more. They should keep your mind in check and stop the paranoid phases. '' I look down at the glass bottle and nod then softly, not comfortable to talk with someone else than Johnathan about this,

'' Thanks. ''

'' No problem dear but next time you get here don't run out screaming again, you almost run over the shelve. '' I mumble a 'sorry' and a 'bye' and get then out with Bruce close to me who has a big grin over his face.

'' Funny? '' I ask while looking the bottle over. There's no name on it, nothing that tells what's in there or how much of whatever is in there. Thinking about it like that I never knew about what's in my antidepressants too and I still swallowed them. Here I at least know that they're from Johnathan so I guess I'm safe with them than with the others before. He wouldn't test anything on me, I'm sure about that. Johnathan is like a good friend, I trust him.

'' Very. '' I nudge my elbow into his ribs and glare then up at him,

'' For being rude you now have to buy me a nice breakfast in a cafe with not much people. '' He shakes is head with a small smile and tells Alfred then the name of our next destination. The cafe is small, sweet and from what it looks like there are not many people in it. It's reminding me a little at Star-

'' Hey that's Starbucks! '' I announce happily and rush out of the car to look at the shop. It's a lot bigger than the one I was in all the time, maybe that's why it looks so empty. There's probably the same amount on people in it just that they don't have to sit on each others lap here.

'' Yeah this one is a little larger and has more space. To this time of the day there mostly isn't much traffic here. ''

'' I'm a huge Starbucks fan, good to know there's one here. I already feared they don't have one in Gotham. Ever tried the vegan Caramel Machiato? That thing's amazing! You don't even taste that it's with soya milk! ''

'' I'm more the type that drinks the Kenya one with ice. ''

'' Never tried that one. Come on, let's go in! '' I urge while grabbing his arm to halfway drag him inside. It's so long ago that I was in Starbucks I could just jump around all the time. I calm myself though as we're ordering and only grin big again as we sit upstairs in a small corner next to a few large windows. I ordered a Tomato Mozzarella Focaccia, a cute Chocolate chips muffin and a vegan Caramel Macciato while Bruce got himself 2 Baguette with ham and cream cheese and his Kenya coffe with ice. I munch happily on my food and look around, the place is open and decorated pretty modern. Like every shop from starbucks.

'' Do you come here more often? '' I ask Bruce who nods,

'' Mostly when I have break. Either I send someone to pick up my things for me when I don't have much free time but when I got the time I come here. ''

'' Is it hard to lead a company? ''

'' Harder than being Batman. '' He says silently but with a small smile. I start to enjoy his company, he's not that much of an asshole than I thought in the beginning, I actually think he just needs a friend that he can talk to openly. I place my food on my plate and fold my hands, a small smile playing along my lips,

'' Ask me. ''

'' Ask you what? ''

'' You're looking at me the whole time like you want to know something and I would guess it's something about my relationship to Joker. I'm in a good mood, try your luck. '' I title my head a little and watch how his face slowly gets a more stoic and serious expression. He places his baguette aside too and crosses his arms,

'' Why Joker? Why not someone else that could be a lot better for you? Joker's not the nicest kind of guy and you said it yourself that you're fighting a lot. What I want to know is, why are you still there? '' I purse my lips a little and slide my fineger along the edges of the cup,

'' That's a good question you know that? And answering that will be a little complicated because I sometimes ask myself that too. You have to know that I, at the beginning, felt everything for Joker but something postiv. I hated him with everything I have to be honest. He's an arrogant, annoying asshole that cares shit for the people around him. And while I don't care about that normally he made the mistake to threaten my friends, I react allergic to that. I think fighting was the only thing that made me talk to him in the bus. And right now fighting is what keeps us from growing bored of each other. ''

'' So you really were the girl out of that bus, the one that was in the newspaper. You obviously left quit the impression with the cops, they were talking about you being calm all the time still weeks after the kidnapping. A wonder no one ever put that into thought that it could be you. ''

'' Did you think about that? ''

'' I was convinced Joker would have grabbed you off the street or out of some mental facillity, maybe even an orphan, I'm not sure. ''

'' Thanks. That's really nice of you. '' I state with a 'fuck you too' look and a dry voice. He smirks a little and shurgs his shoulders,

'' It seemed like the only possible solution to me. I looked up police records, inmates of mental facillities, a list of women that were in jail once or are in it but there nowhere was someone that fit you. It was quit frustrating and now that I think about it I really could hit myself for not thinking about that kidnapping. ''

'' You just never thought of the possebillity that Joker could devolve and interest in a teenager. That was your problem. But no one thought about that, the only thing that's giving me creeps is that there now are so many people interested in my and Joker's personal life. You ever checked Google? '' He shakes his head with a halfway confused halfway amused look,

'' I'm not a fan of Google. ''

'' Only because you know most things without it. I'm not that hyper-intelligent. I need it or else I would have failed in one or two russian tests, the translator isn't the finest but it kicked me onto the right track. ''

'' You speak russian? ''

'' A little. I forgot a lot of it again. ''

'' Interesting. '' We talk a little longer and Bruce calls then Alfred to pick us up. The whole driver over Alfred's not even looking at me and somehow I feel like I'm in the same car with my ex-boyfriend. This stuoid feeling of 'don't look at him' because there's anger or disgust or whatever other people feel when they broke up. I had a boyfriend for a few weeks before I met Joker and as I broke up there was still the same feelings in me towards him that I had while I was in that relationship. Ok I admit I only entered this relationship because I wanted to know what everyone likes about it this much, that was just the time where everyone in my class wanted or had someone and they were all cattering about how great it is and all that and I just couldn't get myself to understand it. And Ben was there right to that time, he asked me out quit some time and I thought to myself 'why the heck not'. But there never was much interesting in it, I allowed small kisses, short hand holding and this but nothing serious and as I had enough 'finding out' after 3 weeks I broke up and it was all the same. I shake my head and look outside the window, watch the buildings and the trees passing by one by one. This thing with Ben was nothing compared to what I have with Joker and I doubt the thing with Ben would ever have been like this. I think the fighting is something that keeps Joker and me from getting bored of each other. The hitting helps building off the agression we have for each other, at least that's what Johnathan said and well... the guy's nuts but he's one hell of a psychiatrist. I wonder what Joker's doing, is he planning to break out or is he enjoying his small vacation at Arkham? Did he saw me on that Gala? I know there were a lot of cameras all the time but I'm not sure if they have a TV in Arkham. I break out of my thoughts as the car stops because we arrived at the mansion. With a small sigh I get out of the car and look at Bruce who already opens his mouth,

'' What now? '' He asks and I shrug my shoulders, thinking up something...
'' How about watching a movie or two? ''

'' I have a home cinema we could- ''

'' Come again...? '' I ask with wide eyes but a small voice, I must have misheard this...

'' I have a home cinema. '' He repeats this time more firm and clearly. My mouth drops open and I look at him with wide eyes before looking at him with something like a too wide grin,

'' OH MY GOD YOU HAVE WHAT?! Good I get into my comfy cloths and then we meet up at the stairs! Great plan, see you later! '' Before he can protest I run upstairs, get into my sleeping cltohs and get back down where Bruce still waits in the same position for me,

'' Don't you want to change? ''

'' I'm fine like this. ''

'' Fun kill...'' I give a small pout and look with a blaming glare at him. He eyes me a few minutes silently before sighing. Grinning I watch him getting upstairs too before coming down in a pair of sweats and a shirt.

'' Better? '

'' Yep. -Hey Alfy, wanna join? '' I ask friendly as I see the older Butler passing by. He stops, looks at me a moment, glares then and disappears in the kitchen.

'' Ass...'' With a sigh I follow Bruce silently into the room with the home-cinema but already in the door I stop, my mouth dropping open, my eyes bulging out of my head and a steady 'uh' leaving me without noticing.

'' Fuck...''

'' You like it? '' I nod silently while taing in the large room. The floor is covered in a fluffly red carpet that reminds me really much on a real cinema while all over one large wall is a gigantic screen to what I see big boxes on the walls around us, mostly they're placed in the corners to give a wonderful Dolbi 3D sound. I smile brightly as I see the 2 large shelves on each a side, one full with all kinds of movies and the other...

'' Can I move in here? I promise I'll break nothing and I don't even need much to live. '' I say while gpaing at the large amount on games that are in one shelve. He smirks amused at me,

'' You want to move into this room? ''

'' Do you have any idea how amazing this place is for me?! That's my heaven! I could easily die in here! ''

'' Please don't. The carpet would be ruined. ''

'' Thank you, I appreciate the worry...'' I say ironic and throw myself onto one of the seats….

---

The excitement in her eyes and the child-like look is adorable. She looks really happy for the first time she's here. Before she always looked a little sad no matter if she smiling or just starring at something. I think she's missing Joker, as hard as it is to believe that for me, she obviously really likes him. I think it must be hard to be suddenly out of reach for everyone she knew and be thrown somewhere she knows no one. I try to make the best of the situation, to be honest her age makes me do most of it but by now I start to like her. She's interesting, intelligent and I don't have to hide anything in front of her because she already knows much about me through she read my files and all that. I think she even can read my emotions here and there. I watch her throwing herself onto one of the seats where she remains only for a few moments before she announces that watching movies is out and we're playing games now. I watch her looking through the different collections. To some she pays attention, from some she just reads the title before she puts them away gain. It seems to me that she knows a lot of the games already. At one game she suddenly freezes and her eyes get wide,

'' You got The Evil Within and Outlast?! ''

'' Yeah I sometimes get a few games that are out new to look over the graphic, I do that when I'm bored. ''

'' You can get bored too? Thought you would always be running around in either a suit or a costume. ''

'' There are times where I have time off with my company through holidays and such. In fact, I have a lot of free time over the day. ''

'' Do you go out every night? ''

'' Mostly, yes. There's not often a time where every possible threat is locket away. Even if I have to admit that it was a lot easier as Joker wasn't here. '' I see her smiling at that but there's something sad glimmering in her eyes. Maybe I hit a bad nerve just there. I title my head a little and decide to not say anything and simply let her pick up more games. I have tomorrow off too and I doubt she's letting me out tonight so she can pick what she wants and when I got enough of virtual realities I simply pretend to be asleep. At some point I hear her mumbling something or humming something silently while she's going through the collection. Most of that I never played. I had a short phase with 14 where I was totally into all of these games and by now I just get these games with the intention to maybe play them only to have them lying around then. With a satisfied look and a small happy nod she turns back to me, multiple games in her hands, mostly all for the PS3 but there are some for the Wii too. I title my head at her and watch her spreading out the games on the ground in front of me. I go over the different titles and see games like the first Resident Evil, Bomber Man, Buzz, Halo, Call of Duty Black Ops, Battlefield Hardline, The Evil within, Outlast, The Last of Us, Silent Hill Shattered Memories, Silent Hill 3 and Calling. Some games I saw, some I never looked at. I remember playing Silent Hill once, Alfred wasn't friendly with me playing horror games but they were interesting so I got them.

'' I know a few of them, had them at... home. They're fun! '' I nod and get the PS3 and the screen started. The rest I leave to her.

I'm not going to lie, I never before played so many games for so long. But instead of it getting boring it just was fun. In fact I hadn't had this much fun for years, I smile or laugh here and now but I never actually had this much fun with someone else than Rachel as we were children. After my parents death we separated a little and over the years this only got worse. I tried to keep contact but as I left Gotham to train and to eliminate evil I completely lost every kind of contact to everyone I knew. As I got back I picked contact with Rachel again and after she found out that I'm Batman I thought that it would be easier but it only got more complicated. Now we barely talk, it's like I lost the only person that ever meant the world for me after my parents but this time she just disappeared, she's not dead. We meet up for dinner here and now but I see the disgust glimmering in her eyes every time someone brings up Batman. I'm not quit sure why she suddenly has such a hate on me. She said once that she'll be there when I give up Batman but as I did she suddenly said that I'll always need Batman. Then Joker got her and I blamed him for Rachel's hate on Batman but now I think there's more to it. I shake my head and look down at my stomach as I suddenly feel a small pressure on it to see that Selina by now decided to use me as her pillow. I silently grab the remote that's not far from me and switch off the screen, the PS3 will shut itself down eventually so I just leave it on. I can't believe Selina got me to play full 18 hours with her, we started somewhere around noon and the screen shows that it's past 10am. I didn't even realize that we played this long. Maybe because I didn't pay attention to time for the first time in long because I really enjoyed myself. At the beginning I was tensed, she was already from the beginning fully in her element but I couldn't really get myself to let my guard down enough in front of her to enjoy anything. We started off with Calling so that as soon as there was a puppet on the screen she jumped behind me screaming. Who would have thought that Catwoman is afraid of puppets, I'm sure she saw worse already. Hell she did worse already. But at some point I suddenly stopped caring about whose girlfriend she is, about what she did and who she is. I let go the tense at some point and started to enjoy and it feel great. I don't know when we moved from the chairs down onto the ground closer to the screen but I know that one moment I sat next to her on a seat and in the next she halfway sat on my lap while screaming at me to run before the puppets get me. I was totally laughing at her for that what ended with her hitting me but it didn't take long until the scene was over and she was fully into running, hiding and spotting puzzles or ammunition again. But instead of building up a horror atmosphere she always managed to get me to laugh with the comments she had to throw in while a scene that was probably meant to be sad. While the death of the little daughter of Joel in The Last of Us right at the beginning she was complaining about how mean this game is to kill of someone right at the beginning. Then she stopped complaining and said 'better the kid than Joel' and with that she suddenly seemed happy. She even got me at some point to play Just Dance with her but I got her to agree to never talk about this again. With a small smile at the now sleeping girl I place my head down. Normally I'm not able to sleep as long as there's someone else in the room but I guess this is something else, she's not going to do anything I can be sure about that one...

The next time I wake up is somewhere at afternoon because Alfred decided 4pm would be the time to finally get up. With the short look at me and Selina he placed the tablet with, to my surprise, 2 cups of coffee, vegan milk, vegetarian food and enough bread for both of us next to me and left then. I think since that night where she suddenly got her after-shock or whatever she calls it he warmed up just the tiniest bit to her. At least he's not looking at her anymore like she's some insect That leaves me with the task in waking Selina. By now she's cuddled up completely against me, her hand curled into my shirt and the other wrapped around my torso while her head is placed on my belly. When she got the blanket that's covering her almost completely and half of me though I don't know, I didn't realize she was getting up at some point. I shake it off and sit up on my elbows to look down at her, almost grinning a little. There is an attractive woman with a high intellect and a good humor sleeping on my chest and she's already taken. This is almost a shame. But ignoring Joker, I somehow can't get myself to see something else in her than a friend, maybe it's better like that. I place my hand on her shoulder to shake her a little until she stirs,

'' Selina, wake up. '' I shake her a little more until she slaps my hand away, obviously still half asleep,

'' Halt die Klappe Oder ich zerreiße dich mit meinen bloßen Händen…'' She murmurs aggressively while clawing into my shirt to keep me from moving, her head burying in my belly,

'' Selena, you know my German is terrible. ''

'' Молчи, или я разорву тебя голыми руками! '' (Shut up or I'll rip you apart with my bare hands!) She repeats in Russian. That one I understand. My Russian is a lot better than my German. To my surprise I'm a lot better in reading German but in understanding it I'm terrible. I need to fresh it up, would be useful I guess.

'' Come on, Alfred brought breakfast, you want to let your coffee get cold? ''

'' I'm fine with cold coffee...'' She murmurs on what I sigh before shaking her again, this time a little harder,

'' Selina get up. '' I say with a firm voice and finally she nods,

'' Okay…''

'' You're not moving. '' I state after a few seconds in which nothing happened.

'' Yes I am… Just showed you the middle finger under the blanket…'' I raise my eyes brow at her sudden small, tired smirk and lift the blanket to see her left hand actually showing the middle finger. I give her a look and shake my head but before I can say anything she slowly pushes herself up into a seating position, pointing one finger at me while the other hand's curled to a small fist to rub her eyes,

'' Oh and another thing…''

'' What? ''

'' More chocolate and less training… You're very uncomfortable. '' I chuckle a bit and sit up now myself while Selina looks at the blanket,

'' When did you get that? '' I look up at her surprised,

'' I thought you it? ''

'' No I fell asleep before you, remember? ''

'' Maybe Alfred got it. '' She snorts and titles her head with an unbelieving expression,

'' Yeah sure cause he like me this much. '' She says while rolling her eyes but she stops moving for a second as she sees the many vegan and vegetarian things on it and for a small moment I see a smile on her face. She's not saying anything about it though...

---

As soon as Master Bruce leaves the mansion to go out as Batman again I get back up into the kitchen to prepare something for dinner. On my way there I saw the girl running around a little, from what it looks like she was going to the library. As she noticed me she offered a small smile but I only quit that with a glare. Who knows what this apologizing really was about, this was to get me weak, to get me under her spell. I can't believe Master Bruce is falling for that trick but he always had too much heart for these criminals. At the beginning I was strict against the thought of Bruce killing anyone but over the year, over the many injuries he got, I started to doubt that any of these criminals could change. She's one of them. She's worse, because she can manipulate not only other criminals but also Master Bruce. I pull a knife out of the drawer and start cutting the carrots and the tomatoes into small pieces with more force than necessary. To be honest I don't know why I put these vegan food on the tablet or why I felt the need to put a blanket over her. As I got into the room early in the morning and found her cuddling against Bruce while he was in a deep sleep too I first thought he would be dead or unconscious. He never before slept while there was someone else in the room and here it seemed so normal to him. My first instinct was to get her away from him but then she did something that let her seem so innocent that I halted. It was just a small yawn followed by a shiver that let on that she was cold but it triggered something in me. I print it off that it was because she's still a teenager but right there she looked like someone that normally gets protected from Bruce. Her face all the time held something cold, something angry that came close to the look Bruce always has just that it seemed deeper with her. But there she looked so small, so fragile and breakable, so innocent that I couldn't just rip her away but instead I went upstairs and got a blanket for her. It was like I-

'' Thank you... for the blanket...'' I turn on the sudden small voice behind me. A sudden wave of anger runs through me so that I put the knife down forcefully on what I manage to cut myself but I only notice that as her mouth opens a little and her eyes move to my hands for a second. The cut isn't deep enough that it needs stitches but it's bleeding enough to cause the blood to drip onto the floor.

'' You should put a pavement around it. It's a rather deep cut…'' She takes a few steps closer to me but stops again as I give her a warning look, who knows what she could try when she's close to me while there's a knife not far away. I walk over to the sink and wash the blood off,

'' I need to prepare the dinner. '' I say shortly, my voice showing that I don't want to talk to her any more. Yet she bites her lip a moment before edging closer carefully,

'' I could do that. ''

'' No. ''

'' I wouldn't poison it if that's- ''

'' I said no. Leave the kitchen. '' Her mouth opens again but before any word can escape her lips she closes it again and turns to leave the room. In front of the door she stops and looks at her hands almost in disbelieve,

'' What am I doing here? '' I hear her murmur before she runs upstairs. Moments later she comes back down with a first aid kit in her hand and a look of attitude on her face. Before I can say something or react to it, she grabs the knife in my hand, puts it on the counter and shoves me then onto a chair,

'' What are you- '' I try to pull my hand back but she's keeping it in a firm grip while putting a plaster around the wound before getting up as I once more try to interrupt her, her eyes by now filled with anger,

'' You shut up right now! I tried everything I could to get us on a friendly base, I never lost control even if you looked at me like I'm just some disease and ignored every glare, I even apologized for being myself but now I've got enough of this! Ok?! It's enough! I got it, you don't like me, but that's no reason to treat me like this because everything I tried these past days was something I did because I wanted to show that I can be nice, that I have manners! Do you really think that, if I would want to kill or hurt you or Bruce, that I would wait this long? I had more than once the chance to do this and just yesterday night I stopped Bruce from getting onto the street so that he's not getting hurt and- ''

'' What? ''

'' Two Face broke out of Arkham, heard about that? He set the whole city full with traps and men to kill the Batman and I found out about that and I kept him from going. I made sure he's not getting hurt you get that?! Because I like Bruce! And obviously he's not thinking that bad of me too so you maybe should start to realize that I'm not that bad of a person as you think! '' Suddenly all the insecurity in her look and her voice is gone and is replaced by raw anger. Her eyes burn with something close to absolute rage as she almost spits every word into my face.

'' Why would you try to protect him? '' I ask back with almost the same anger in my voice. If she thinks that she can talk to me like that then she's wrong, I don't need her to defense herself because this will not change anything!

'' Do I have to spell it for you?! I. Like. Him. He's a really nice guy and if I wouldn't know how much he loves you I would love to just hurt you for all of what you do but I don't because know what? I respect you! No one, and I repeat this just once, no one, would keep up with what he's doing. Every normal guy would call the cops or the guys in Arkham but you stick with him and that's awesome. But I got enough of getting treated like this, I got enough of being looked at like this! This damn look hunted me all through my childhood and I will not tolerate it now! I got pushed around and hated all my childhood but now I have the chance to change this, you get that?! I have to chance to get rid of the Depression and the hatred and just be happy and I will take that chance and you will not be the reason to send it all back to hell! We don't have to be BFF's but stop looking at me like that or I swear to god, I will hurt you! '' With a last glare at me she turns on her heels and starts cutting the lasting carrots, to my surprise she's good at that. She must be doing this more often. She protected Bruce from getting hurt because she likes him. Maybe she really isn't this bad but I'm not making any decision yet, this could be a trick after all. Yet, I somehow doubt that. She seemed far to honest for that, almost desperate. Like in trance I watch how she's preparing the rest of the dinner and before I can really realize it, it's all cooking on the stove. Slowly I force my mind to get back to clear again and clear my throat uncomfortable,

'' I'm... sorry...'' She turns to me and looks me up and down silently. At some point she then shakes her head, an understanding look in her eyes,

'' No you're not. And that's ok. Just stop it...''

---

It's 3 days ago that Alfred apologized and even if I know he didn't mean it in the kitchen I think he starts to really mean it slowly. Bruce and me are getting almost like friends, that's probably the reason why I snuck out of the mansion half an hour ago and now are in front of Wayne Enterprise. I don't know how they managed it but it looks like it did before Joker blew the top of it up. I thought they would need countless months for that but now it's already fine again. I look up at the large, black building and title my head, it got a cool design, I like it. But when I go in there it would mean that I have to talk to Bruce's receptionist and I'm not quit sure that I know how to talk to her. I know how to talk to office-people, of course I do, my uncle has an office job too where his colleges are all tight-ass but here it's something else again because they're even worse I would say. They all just look like it... And I don't want to get him into trouble in case I say something wrong and I really should avoid a fight or a argument with the security guys. I think I dressed rather nice, not normal but definitively nice enough to be let in there. I first wanted to dress normal and even a little grotesque but I thought they wouldn't let me in there then. I don't know how they react to hardcore-punks here. I know that in Germany there were people that even switched to the other side of the street from time to time. Right now I'm merely dressed in a pair of red and black checkered pants and a ripped black shirt with gray stripes and a black and white striped tie that's lying around rather messy. To that just my military boots that are left open a little and the collar I got from Joker. Taking a breathe I get into the large building, it's open, bright and everything in here looks to be highest technology. I like it. Raising my head I walk straight past the reception where the security men are standing, that's the trick, pretend like this is all right and don't look into someone's eyes then they won't talk to you. I breathe out a little as I passed them and push a button to get top the elevator, Bruce once said he got a full view over the city because his office is on the top floor so I get up there. While downstairs there was a black expensive looking marble floor, here I see a nice looking carpet in a dark blue shade while most of the furniture is either white or black. There's a small kitchen not far from a desk where a woman sits, I guess she must be Bruce's receptionist. All in all this room reminds me a little on The Devil wears Prada except that here's only one desk and the doors to Bruce's office are not out of glass and closed.

'' Can I help you? '' I look at the expensive dressed woman behind the desk who looks rather arrogant at me, she must be in her mid-20ths. Her hair is dyed red but a lighter one than mine, her face is covered in make-up and eyeliner and rouge while I think that she could look a lot prettier when she would leave some make-up off. I slowly walk up to her and see her eying my cloths a few times,

'' Uh hey. I want to Bru- Mr. Wayne, is he here? '' She eyes me another time closely and raises then her chin,

'' He's in a meeting with Mr. Fox and does not wish to be interrupted. '' She replays suddenly rather harshly but with a bittersweet sound in her voice that clearly tells me she can't stand me already. Maybe she recognized me from the Gala and has a secret crush on Bruce. I know I would have one if I wouldn't be with Joker. I take a step closer and offer a small smile,

'' Could you tell him I'm here at least? '' With almost a snort she gets up,

'' I doubt that this will be of any use. '' She says but still walks to the door where she knocks softly before entering his office. I try to take a look inside while she gets in but I only see the back of a man that surely can't be Bruce. Maybe it's this Fox. I think I read about him in Bruce's files, isn't he the one that builds Bruce's stuff? I think I remember that the original plan for the Batsuit was from him just like the Tumbler. I wonder what kind of a guy he is, he must be really intelligent if he builds all that. I sneak a little closer to the door and close my eyes, maybe I can hear something...

'' Mr. Wayne, there's a young woman that wishes to speak to you. '' I hear the muffled voice of the receptionist say on what Bruce gives a small confused 'hm?',

'' Who? ''

'' She didn't say any name but she's looking rather odd. '' I snort and cross my arms, I'm looking good in this outfit, I know it, I looked at it for almost 2 hours to make sure I can come here like this. I look around and suddenly spot the computer on the desk. with a small smirk I sit down on the woman's chair and take a look through his files. I always wanted to know what secrets the big bad Wayne Enterprise has, there gotta be a few corpses in the basement somewhere. I see a few datas about new events and about developments the enterprise made over the years. Really, this Mom-and-pop store makes more money in a month than every normal cooperation in a year! No wonder Bruce's swimming in his money... Well without it it surely would be a lot more complicated to get all his tools for Batman. Well at least Bruce is not one of these arogant assholes that has no idea how to live without money. Well... not in reality at least, his reputation is something-

'' That's privat. '' I jump as I suddenly hear Bruce talking next to me. With a small yelp I turn to him and see that he bend down to me, his hand clasped behind his back and a smirk on his face.

'' Couldn't find anything interesting anyway. I was hoping for some corpses in the basement and instead I was met with bills, shares and courses. '' I title my head to the side and grin up at him but as I feel another pair of eyes on me I look to my side to find the receptionist glaring at me.

'' Glaring causes wrinkles. '' I say with a sweet smile at her, really, I'm not made to be this nice and slowly I feel my patience strainging with these people. She looks at me another moment but I turn my attention then back to Bruce,

'' Why are you here? Does Alfred know about this? ''

'' I think he will know as soon as he realizes I'm gone. '' I say smirking on what Bruce sighs and grabs his phone, motioning for me to follow him. I get off the chair and walk with him into his office while he calls Alfred to tell him that I'm here, just so that he knows. After all Alfred loves me and he would be so worried when I would suddenly be gone... He probably would be worried enough to call first Bruce and then every SWAT-team just to make sure I get shot on the first best opportunity. Inside the office I see the other man, Lucius Fox was his name if I remember it right, stanidng in front of the desk. First his eyes are on Bruce but as soon as I step into the room they move to me, looking me up and down. He looks rather amused, his face has a soft expression, nothing hard or stoic on it. Just someone absolutely friendly. I title my head barely noticeable at that, I never saw someone that has a face where I just look into it and think he's a nice guy. Normally I first think the worst of everyone, just in case.

'' Why are you here Selina? '' I turn my attention back to Bruce who by leans against his desk rather comfortable, his arms crossed and a half amused half blaming shimmer in his eyes.

'' I was bored and thought I could pick you up so that you go to Starbucks with me again. ''

'' You could have called. Alfred would have gone crazy if he would have noticed alone that you're gone. '' I shrug my shoulders and cross my arms with a pout,

'' It's not like he would be worried or anything so who cares. ''

'' Why do you try to provoke him like this? ''

'' I'm provoking him?! What do you want me to do, go onto my knees and beg?! I apologized, I kept up the friendly face all the time, I did nothing that could be provoking and he still kept on behaving like a bitch! It's not my fault and I refuse to play this game another day! '' For a moment it seems like he wants to say something to defend Alfred but even if he would find something, he knows I'm right. I tried this so much but now I just say 'fuck you bitch I'm out'. I got enough of trying to get him friendly with me. Finally Bruce stops looking at me blaming and turns to Lucious who watched the scenery obviously very amused, if not even interested.

'' Lucius that's Selina. Selina, that's- ''

'' Lucius Fox, the man that builds most of your tools. I know, I read about him in your files. Nice to meet you. '' I say with a friendly smile which he returns abrutply. I don't know why but I like him already, he's got something on him that I find sypathic. He holds his hand out for me and with only a little hesitation I take and shake it.

'' It's my pleasure Miss Kyle, I've heard a lot about you. '' He says, his smile widening a little. My eyes hush to Bruce at that,

'' Really? '' Bruce shurgs his shoulders but I see the shimmer of amuse in his eyes. Well, Mr. Fox probably found out by now that I broke into his system. I guess Bruce told him about that and that it must be me isn't that hard to figure. After all I'm the only hacker that's new here and Bruce surely lets Lucius know when someone breaches his system. Oh well, maybe he does it better next time. There could be who-knows-who breaking into his system and who knows what who-knows-who does then! I think urging Batman to take me out for a coffee is rather harmless.

'' It is not often that there is someone that gets past my security system. What codes did you use? '' I see the curiosity and the intelligence in his eyes now clearer than before. I smirk a little creepier now and push some of my hair out of my face,

'' Once I got the main code it wasn't that hard. I can show you my program if you want to, it's not like you can use it without my pass-codes anyway. ''

'' With pleasure. '' I smile again and turn then back to Bruce,

'' Starbucks? '' I ask with a cute smile on what he titles his head,

'' I got some more work to do. ''

'' How about a break? You look tired. ''

'' Fine. I see you later Lucius. '' He manages another wave with his hand before I grab him on his arm and pull him out of the building past a few stunned looking people...

After we were at Starbucks Bruce called Alfred to pick me up through Bruce told me he that he was sure I would only get bored if I stay at his place. I heard the hidden 'and then you most likely cause trouble' in that sentence so I gave him a fitting look but I didn't complain further. I got delicious food and a wonderful coffee Bruce even allowed me o take something home so I was happy. The drive over I ignored Alfred, behave like a bitch and you get one like a bitch so easy it is. He didn't make any attempt to speak to me and I don't think he looked at me much. I really feel like he's my ex-boyfriend... The next time I wake up I'm back in my room, I think I fell asleep on the couch but I'm not quit sure. I remember that there was a marathon of Supernatural because of the new Season so I made myself comfortable on the couch. I really love America, I get the new seasons of my favorite shows here a lot sooner than in Germany. Well, someone, most likely Bruce, must have got me to bed then because I really can't remember getting up at some point but to be honest I think I start to sleepwalk again, I'm falling asleep in the bed and wake up on top of the drawer or on a warm place in the bathroom. I even found myself on the washing machine but I don't remember ever getting up. And I really don't think that Bruce or Alfred would try to play these kind of pranks on me. I just find these places kinda comfortable. I shake my head and sit up in the bed to allow the bones in my neck to pop back into place. I smell coffee downstairs, faintly but it must be coffee. Is Bruce still here? I turn to look at the clock and find it already 2:30pm. There's no way he has a day off, I would know about that but Alfred mostly drinks tea. In fact I never saw him drinking coffee. A small bad feeling spreads out in my stomach, something must have happened. Something Bruce doesn't like. I throw over a thin jacket and walk then downstairs and into the kitchen. As soon as I step into the room both Bruce and Alfred look up at me. While there's complete disgust again in Alfred's eyes, Bruce has anger in them. Hatred and something that looks almost disappointed. Did I do something wrong? I can't remember doing anything wrong but on the other hand I very often did something wrong without realizing it. It's like I have the inner urge to be so different that it's hurting and disgusting other people.

'' Something wrong? '' I ask carefully, and suddenly I feel a little colder as their glares only get a little stronger. So it must be something about me. But I didn't do anything, nothing that could cause a reaction like this at least. Slowly, almost afraid I take a step closer but stop as Bruce gives a small growl,

'' 'Something wrong'? There's a lot wrong. But not for you, don't worry. '' I wince at the harsh sound in his voice. He's almost furious, his hands are clenched to strong fists and his eyes burn. I swallow hard, my eyes narrowing a little in a mix of sudden fear and confuse,

'' ...What do you mean? '' He grabs the newspapers off the table as he gets up and holds them out to me,

'' I thought you would be gone by now. '' I look another moment into his eyes, that's not disappointment, that's hurt. Why's he hurt? Biting my lip a little to keep the nervous tremble down I unfold the newspapers and take a look at the front page. As soon as I read the headline I freeze... That's why he's angry. But I didn't know about this. I had no idea. And even if...

JOKER OUT OF ARKHAM!

'' I didn't know...''

'' That explains why you're still here. '' He looks at me but suddenly every emotion is gone. Is he really thinking that... Suddenly the fear disappears and changes into anger. How can he...! I throw the newspapers onto the table and use the small chance of him not looking at me to hit him as had as I can. I feel my knuckles aching as they make contact to the mass on muscles on his arm but he still felt it. Because even if it aches a little, I know that I have a good hit.

'' Fuck you! '' I spit before I can stop myself. He opens his mouth to respond but I punch him again, this time hammering my hands against his chest as if it would actually hurt him,

'' No! Don't you dare saying anything that justifies what you think! Do you think at all when it comes to Joker?! Just because he's out now doesn't mean I abruptly toss everything aside and run god knows where he is just to be there again! I didn't even know that he got out because believe it or not but I liked my time here you prick! Just because you can't stand Joker doesn't give you the right to switch your brain onto attack or predator or whatever the hell you are then! What do you think! That I spent all that time with being nice here because I wanted to make the best of the situation?! That I wanted to get you on my side while I'm here so that you maybe are a little nicer with me on the streets?! Or are you actually thinking so far that you think this whole situation was one of Joker's plans! If you remember it then you should recall that you were the one that got to me! I was fine with spending the time here in my room and don't talk to any of you at all! You first started it with this friendship! You! Not me! You coldhearted asshole, I don't turn my back on friends! And I wouldn't just leave the place of a friend without saying anything! ''

---

My eyes widen a little at her sudden outburst. I saw her looking angry and Alfred told me about what she said as they were alone in the kitchen. I saw the recordings to that and she looked angry but now she's right off furious. There's nothing calm in her eyes anymore and her whole body is set onto attack. The only emotions I now can make out in her eyes are pure rage and something that comes close to hurt. To be honest I thought she left as soon as I heard from Joker being out of Arkham. After all she has her phone with her, I didn't expect that she never checked the news or that Joker didn't let her know somehow that he and a handful of his goons got out. And as I took a look into her room and couldn't find her I thought she would be gone. And yes I was a little disappointed on that thought because I really started to like her. She is someone that I think as a possible friend of because nothing that I could tell her would throw her out just in the tiniest bit. Rachel is always distant when it comes to anything just close to Batman but with her I can talk about that like it's the most normal thing on the world. But that it would actually hurt her when I think this, surprises me, to say the least. But what surprises me even more is that she calls me a friend, by now I was confirmed in the thought that she was, like me, trying to make the best of the current situation but I had no idea she was really enjoying herself here. As soon as her speech is over she stops with hitting me so that she glares at me, her breathing heavy from anger and the constant hard hitting against my chest. I title my head at her and sigh, shaking my head

'' I didn't meant to- ''

'' Leave it! Shove that crappy apology up you ass! If you now excuse me, I'll just run out and do exactly what you thought of me! '' With a last glare at me she turns and gets upstairs, probably to get her phone. I turn around to look at Alfred who breathes out heavily,

'' Sir you maybe should try to apologize. She's not someone you want as your enemy. '' I look surprised at him,

'' Are you speaking out of own experience? '' I know over the last few days Alfred's opinion about her changed a lot. And I know by now he's regretting what he said but he would never admit it. Therefore he's too proud, too used to being not too much on emotions. I smile amused at that while he looks at me with something almost close to a pout.

'' Of course not. '' I give a small laugh and get then upstairs too. With a short knock I enter the room and find Selina just picking up her phone, by now she's dressed back in the cloths she came here with. The costume that makes her to Catwoman. As soon as I open the door she turns to glare at me,

'' Don't worry I wasn't planning on saying goodbye, Batman. '' I look at her surprised, did I really hurt her feelings with this?

'' Look, I'm sorry, ok? I didn't saw you so I thought that this was a plan of Joker. He did this so often that I'm not sure how to take this. ''

'' I'm sleepwalking. I was probably on top of the dresser there or on the washing machine. That's where I woke up a few times. -Don't ask why, I'm not sure myself. '' She says after looking at me in silence. Her eyes calmed a little and her body now more looks tired than attacking.

'' I'm sorry. ''

'' I don't know...'' She says and I swallow on the sudden hard look in her eyes. Suddenly her mouth twitches upwards and she titles her head,

'' You'll need to buy me a lot nice things in Starbucks to make up for this. See it as punishment. ''

'' Alright then. You can come by more often and I'll take you out for dinner, sounds good? '' A wide smirk forms on her lips and she titles her head so that some of her bags cover almost half of her upper face-half, a dangerous but cheeky sparkle in her eyes,

'' Perrrfect. '' She suddenly looks confused, probably realizing that she sometimes purrs the 'r' at some point. I noticed that since we were playing games, every time she gets happy or comfortable she's purring the 'r' or makes other noises that remind me on why Jim gave her the name 'Catwoman'. I just want to open my mouth to say something as I hear the doorbell ringing. I look at the door and back at Selina but as I see her I stop,

'' What's wrong? '' Her eyes are a little wider and her body froze in place while her nose twitches softly,

'' I know that smell. '' Is everything she says before rushing past me and downstairs. I stay close behind her only to have her stopping at the end of the stairs like she's suddenly glued to the ground. Alfred by now opened the door but he too seems to be frozen so I walk up to the door to open it farther but my first instinct, as I see the person, is to slam the door hard into his face. And the only thing that keeps myself from doing so is that I know I should maybe try to avoid getting into more trouble with Selina or I'll have to buy her the whole shop...

'' Heya Bats, how's it goin'? Missed me? '' My face falls on that, seriously, how does suddenly everyone know about that! It has a reason why it's called secret identity, because it's meant to be a secret! That means that not whole Gotham should know about it! Something seriously went wrong here. Maybe he's just bluffing though... He surely saw the Gala on TV...

'' B-Bats...? What do you- ''

'' Nah don't play that one on me, it's useless anyway. So... I would like to pick up ma girl if you were so, uh, kind. '' I look behind me to see that Selina still hasn't moved from her spot so I push open the door completely through what Joker is able to see her. And then something strange happens... It's almost like Joker's grin changes just the smallest tad into a normal grin, not the usual blood-thirsty insane one but an honest one. Not a smile, therefore it's not kind enough, but something different than I saw before. Right in the moment where Joker's grin changes Selina bolts forwards and jumps right onto him, her arms clinging to him like she hasn't seen him for years and for a moment I almost think that she's... purring? Alfred and me title our head in something between confuse and embarrassment as we watch how her legs wrap around his torso,

'' You couldn't take longer, could you? ''

'' I'll fill ya up with these drugs too and then we speak again. C'mon, time to go. ''

'' Just a second. '' She gets back down from him and walks up to Alfred and me. With a smile she suddenly wraps her arms around me. I look a little stunned down at her, a few minutes ago she still hated me. I mentally shrug my shoulders and hug her back halfway, to be honest I don't get hugged that often. Not in a friendly manner at least. The lat person that hugged me was Bane and he broke my back.

'' Thank you. '' She says silently before letting go of me and moving up to Alfred. For a moment she glares at him before that changes into a grin and she hugs him too. My eyes move to Joker for a small second to see him eying the whole situation with a glare. I feel my eyes narrow as I see him glaring dangerously at Alfred. Just because I like Selina doesn't mean that anything changed with Joker. He may be a little different with her but other than that he's still the same homicidal psychopath that I would love to see behind bars for the rest of his life. Alone for what he did to Rachel, as the news spread that he's back in Gotham she was terrified and all just because Joker wanted to break me. He put the lives of hundreds of people in danger just for his own sick amusement. And just because he cares for Selina doesn't change that, he will never change. He will always try to kill the people around him, to destroy Gotham only to cause chaos. My eyes move back to Alfred to see that he by now is patting her back a little and just in that moment she pulls back to smile again at both of us. Joker by now's patting impatiently onto the ground with his foot,

'' Angel move it. '' She turns back to Joker with a smile and nods on what he turns to me again, nodding with a sudden serious look. The anger in me changes halfway into confusion as I watch him and Selina leaving the mansion and later with a car the grounds...

'' Was that a... 'thank you'...? '' I wonder silently but shake my head. No way.

---

As soon as we're off Bruce's ground Joker turns to me with a grin,

'' So ya enjoyed yerself there? ''

'' Yeah I did but... why did you ask him to take care of me? I'm sure I would have survived in Arkham. '' He turns his head back to the street and shrugs his shoulder in a careless manner. I want to poke further but to be honest I don't want a fight right now so I drop it. I can ask him later, maybe tomorrow or in a few days. Right now I'm happy that he's back. As much as I loved my stay with Bruce and Alfred I still couldn't help but missing my clown. After all I was fully convinced the first few days that Bruce wouldn't give a shit about me and that I would be totally alone. But it wasn't even that I was alone, I'm used to being alone here and there. What really bugged me was that I felt something in me aching when I thought of Joker. I can't really describe the feeling, it was almost carving to be close to him again. Through the depression seems to be gone it wasn't that hard but it still wasn't pleasurable. With a soft smile and a sigh I lean my head against Joker's shoulder through what he looks down at me. I lean up and press my lips to his,

'' I'm happy you're back...'' I turn my head down again to bury my face in his shoulder and only raise it again when we arrive at the warehouse. I look up the building and get then out with a wide smile. Only giving a small look at Joker I get in where the first thing I do is going to Anthony and Steve who are standing outside to get a few boxes in. They place them on the ground as they see me but before they can say anything I walk up to them with quick steps and hug them,

'' It's good to be back. ''

'' What, did Wayne treat ya bad? ''

'' We gotta hurt someone? '' Anthony cracks his knuckles a little while Steve gives him a look,

'' Doubt Boss would leave anything for us. ''

'' You saw it too didn't you? ''

'' Most of the end but we saw ya singing honey. The only times we hear ya is when yer cookin' up something. Pretty new to have ya like this. Was awesome though. '' I look confused at them a moment, I didn't even realize that I'm singing when I cook. Well, I know that I did that at home all the time because I sung there most of the time when I was alone but I didn't notice I do that here too.

'' Well one thing's for sure you were lookin' great! There were a few guys fuckin' jealous on Wayne. ''

'' And Boss was the leader of the group. '' Steve says silently what makes me grin,

'' Well that means the dress served its purpose. '' I say with a smirk and turn then to get inside, waving shortly over my shoulder at the now grinning men but before I come far I'm being tossed to the ground by 2 large Hyenas that almost lick the makeup off my skin. I cuddle with them for several minutes, they're my babies after all and I really missed them. Over the 2 years they grew up completely so that they're now really tall and dangerous looking but they're still utterly cute. Next stop tomorrow will be Johnathan's place to hug the man. The medications are working, I don't have that many nightmares again but every time I have I woke up on the dresser. It's almost like I wanted to hide and after all not even Bruce saw me up there. Every time I had a nightmare-free sleep I woke up in the bed so it must be something about the nightmares. I think I will not tell Joker about this, not now. And I won't tell him that I had a break-down at Bruce's because I felt him almost glaring holes into my back as I hugged Alfred and Bruce. I hug both Hyenas another time and give them something to eat before once more making my way to Joker's and my room. I step in and close the door behind me silently but Joker already saw me, the window is right across the door and even if I manage to get in silently enough he would see my reflection in the glass. But right now he keeps his back to me for a few seconds and when I step closer I see that his eyes are closed.

'' Is everything ok? '' I ask on what his eyes open,

'' Yeah, just thinking that's all. Ya know, I really liked the dress. '' He suddenly takes a step closer to me and smirks down at me almost in a dark way. I smile up at him,

'' I heard that you saw the Gala but what I don't understand is why. ''

'' Pam wanted to skip through the channels and stopped on the thing. I wanted to leave, til I saw ya. What the hell were ya doin' there anyway? ''

'' Bruce asked me to come so I did. '' His expression gets a little darker on that but before he can say anything I lean up to press my lips against his, my body trembling on the contact. I know he wants to say something but I also know that there's something else he probably wants more at the moment. And who am I to resist? I smile as I feel his arms wrapping around my hips to lift me off the ground. I claw into his shoulders as his mouth moves down to my collarbone, trailing biting-kisses down his way. A familiar warmth spreads out in my body as I feel his hands moving along my body, a comforting and pleasurable feeling filling every fiber of my body. This is where I belong, even if I sometimes want to go back and be just a normal person, this is my home. Joker's my home...

---

I arrived in Gotham about 2 days ago, by now everything I got in Spain has found its place. I wonder how Selina's doing, I know Joker broke out the night after I got back so she should be back with him. A wonder she didn't call yet. I heard from Helena that Selina was at the apothecary soon after I told her about it. And what amused me highly was that she told me that Selina run out of her shop screaming the first time she got in there and that Helena had to hold salt in her hand to convince her that she's no ghost. I never thought Selina could be this scared, I know her shop is a little dark but Helena is probably the most friendly woman that exists. I met her as I was still a doctor in Arkham, she knew from my experiments. To me she was something close to a mother back then, she was more of a mother to me than my own one ever was but I lost contact as I was thrown into Arkham. I may have been more used to my toxin than anyone else but the large amount that the Bat made me inhale was too much even for me. It took my mind weeks to get back to normal again, it took me weeks to finally be able to get my mind under control again and to differ between dream and reality. Before I had hallucinations, here and there, because of the many gases I breathed in while working on the toxin. I don't know why I never wore a gas mask at the beginning but as I found out that the gases are effecting me I already figured it would be too late anyway and only through that I managed to survive my toxin. I lean back on my torn couch and take another sip of the coffee in front of me. There were a lot of interesting chemicals in Spain that I could get a hold of, they will give my new toxin the last touch it needed. Before I can get up though to go over to my working bench again, there's a knock on my door that makes me look to the hall. There normally aren't many people that would visit me and the only person that could visit and really harm me wouldn't knock. He would burst through my window like he did the last few times. Just in case I put over my glove with the fear toxin canister on it and get the to the door to open it, holding my hand up,

'' Whoa, it's me! Johnathan, it's me! '' I hear a familiar female voice saying loudly while she raises her hands with a careful look and a slight defensive posture, ready to move down in case I try to inject her anything. I lower the glove again and step aside to let Selina enter before closing and locking the door again. I have to be careful at leas for a week or two, through my small trip to Spain there is nothing that tells me that Batman didn't catch up on my trail and I really just got a little comfortable in here, I don't have to nerve to move again. I turn around to face Selina who now grins widely,

'' I heard you were seeing a ghost lately, was it exciting? '' I say with a slightly sadistic smirk on my lips. Abruptly her cheeks redden a little and her grin drops,

'' I don't know why I got so scared. '' I look her up and down, her body is a little cringed, like she was in pain and her body still holds automatically a defensive position. Her palms show deep wounds that should have been caused by her nails and her fingers tremble just the tiniest bit, barely visible but enough for me to see it. Her eyes have something that shows fear in them and obviously she's sleeping less, not much but enough to leave bags under her eyes.

'' You had an after-shock, right? '' I ask after a few seconds. Her eyes get a shade deeper and fill now with fear and something similar to pain while she nods silently,

'' A day after you called. The medications help though so it's okay. ''

'' I doubt that you told Jack about this. '' She gives a small laugh and looks at me like I'm kidding with her but I stay serious. I know she's not telling him about most of the things that happen right now because she's afraid of how he reacts. No matter how much Jack may care for her he sometimes does things without thinking and he says things that can hurt her very much, she wants to spare herself that.

'' What for? It wouldn't change anything except that it would be another shit in me that makes me weak. '' There's something else she's not telling me about. I know it. I can see it.

'' What else is there? ''

'' I don't know what's happening to me... My whole body starts to feel different. I wake up and the first thing I do is taking in the things and the number on people around me. My emotions are a lot stronger than before but I feel.. I feel like a monster. What's happening to me? What did they inject me? ''

'' I don't know. I looked through the recordings a few times but I don't know what that was in there. ''

'' Let me watch it, I could maybe tell you! ''

'' No. Your mind wouldn't stand remembering, everything you felt while you had that after-shock, you will feel long and stronger. We will wait what happens and see what we do. I can't tell you what it is, believe me if I would know about it I would tell you. ''

'' I know... It's just...''

'' You're afraid. '' She nods barely visible, her hands curling to fists and her head turning to the side to avoid my look. Her whole body shows fear, every fever of her being must be terrified from what happened and that's bugging her. Because she is afraid but she can't say of what. And for the first time in years I feel bad when I see someone this afraid in front of me. She'll learn to cope with it but the first weeks will be hell for her and I doubt it will get better any time soon. I don't know what to do against her change, against the nightmares because I don't have any clue of what they gave her. I know she got injections, different toxins as such but what kind of substance that was that made her feel this incredible pain I don't know. Until now I didn't even knew something like this exists because normally the mind shuts down at a certain level of pain. But there the man said it would numb the parts of the brain that causes this, something like this should be impossible. I place a hand on her shoulder and lower my voice a little,

'' I'll help. ''

---

- 2 months later, April 22nd 2015 -

It's already some time ago that I was at Bruce's mansion and at least just as much time passed where I last saw him as Bruce Wayne in front of me. We were meeting up to a coffee or two here and there but after Joker blew up and Orphan it was like he suddenly pulled back. I know Bruce has a lot of sympathy with orphans because they remind him on himself. I know that the Wayne foundation supports every orphan that's in Gotham to keep them from ending up on the street. Joker wanted to trap Batman, he planned this one out. I asked him since when he knows about Bruce being Batman, he said that he would know since Germany.

'' Had a lot time to think there. ''

'' I didn't know you care about who he is. ''

'' I don't. To be honest it takes some of the fun in it to know, some of the mystery y'know? Finding out about Bruce Wayne's weak point's a lot too easy. It's making a lot more fun when ya gotta need to figure it out step by step, have patience and not Google it. Bad for him I would say, he should really take a lil' more care that no one finds out, you never know what kinda people figure it right? Someone should teach 'im a lesson. ''

'' ...What kind of lesson.? '' I ask carefully but a smirk is already enough to know that it will hurt him. I look down at that, maybe I'm the one that got compromised while staying there... but I don't want Joker to hurt Bruce just to punish him for being this 'open' with his identity. Even if he didn't even intend for Joker to find out, the opposite even, he wanted for no one to know... I don't think Joker's idea will have a good outcome...

As Joker told me he wanted to blow up the orphan if Batman doesn't stop him in an hour I wasn't sure how to react. Joker may have left a small hint, well at least for him it was small, but that hint should already be enough to drive Batman insane with rage. He hung a kid upside down and carved 'little beggar' into his chest while the boy was still alive so that he simply let him bleed out there. It never before affected me when he killed someone or when he tortured his victims but this time I just couldn't push away the bad feeling in me. It's not that I was sad about the child, not that much at least. The death of people I don't know never affected me much, why should I let the death of someone else pull me down anyway? It's just that I didn't like hurting Bruce and this most definitively hurt him. He must be blaming himself for letting them die right now. Well, Batman came but Joker blew the house up anyway in his excitement and Batman broke 2 of Joker's ribs together with his left arm. By now they're almost healed again, I don't know how but Joker's body heals a lot faster. Maybe because of the toxin, maybe because his body is already used to major injuries and is prepared for that. But as I saw Batman beating Joker up and I caught a glimpse at his eyes I froze . He was angry, always a little bit and the times where I didn't saw anger in his eyes these 2 weeks or the times I drunk coffee with him I can count off on one hand but there never was such a burning rage I them, such raw hate was new to me and to be honest it scared me in that moment. I tried to interfere in the fight after I heard the 2nd rib breaking but Batman got rid of me with one hard kick into the side. Another thing that shocked me, as he crashed me into the wall he seemed to regret it, there he only barely looked at me but he only seemed to regret that he didn't break anything in my body too. I don't know how we got away, all I know is that one moment I lay on the ground cringing and in the next Joker and me were in the car which Mason drove like the devil was after him. A few guys that Joker picked up the street didn't manage to escape and probably they're still in Black Gate or Arkham. Steve told me later that Andrew managed to shoot Batman right into the shoulder before Anthony landed a hit with a metal bar so that Batman was a little dizzy but they more used the time to get away because they all noticed that Joker hit a nerve there. I later heard them talking that the Bat always was creepy as hell but there they were down right terrified that he would land a hit at them. And for a few days there barely was someone that dared to leave their hideout at night, no mob boss, no Two Face, not even Riddler built one of his riddles to outsmart him because one night after that Batman almost broke every bone in the body of this Bane. And when someone manages this then it leaves some impression. I tried to call Bruce 4 days after that but he didn't pick up and as I called Alfred he only said that Bruce isn't to speak. I asked if he's angry at me and Alfred, to my surprise, sighed and answered that I should try to avoid getting into trouble with him until he cooled off or else I would more likely get hurt. Badly. That's over a week ago and right now I'm standing in front of Wayne Manor. I know that Wayne Enterprise isn't working at Sunday so I try my luck. Joker knows where I am this time but it was harder to get him to agree that it is when I want to go to Johnathan. I raise my hand and ring the doorbell one time. It doesn't take much time before Alfred opens the door but as soon as he catches sight of me he steps out and closes the door halfway behind him,

'' What are you doing here? I told you not to come. '' I wince little at the harsh but tired voice of the older man in front of me. Now that I get a close look at him I can see that he looks rough. Like he wasn't sleeping much and like something's troubling him. I bet my ass on knowing what it is that's worrying him...

'' I... wanted to make sure Bruce's fine... D-don't get me wrong, I don't mean with that that I think you're not able to handle him I just... need to see for myself. ...You know, the thing with the kids wasn't my idea and I even tried to talk Joker out of it but he wouldn't listen. '' His eyes get a little softer the longer he looks at me in silence but before he can say anything there's another voice from inside that makes me wince,

'' Why where you there then? '' Bruce opens the door to step into my sigh and as soon as I lay eyes on him I feel my insides growing cold. He's unshaven, his hair's a little messier and he wears no armor or suit but just something comfortable that tells that he must have been sleeping. I know Bruce is taking every chance he has to sleep because normally he doesn't get much when he has to go to the company and at night onto the streets but to sleep at this hour is odd, even for him. I narrow my eyes a little as I feel a wave of regret and sadness running through me. I should have tried harder to stop Joker, to convince him that something else would hurt him more. I open my mouth to explain but feel that my throat is dry. Why was I there? I don't even know that myself. I could have stayed at home, I could have ignored that this ever happened but I couldn't. Maybe I wanted to know how Batman reacts, maybe I just wanted to make sure Batman wouldn't kill Joker. But...

'' I don't know...'' I say after a few seconds of silence. I lower my head at that point, not able to look into his eyes any longer. I feel like this is my fault, if I wouldn't be so weak then Joker wouldn't feel the need to protect me this much and he would never have asked Batman to take care of me. Bruce and me wouldn't have become friends and I wouldn't feel like this now. Like I just betrayed him.

'' You could have called, you know? Told me about it so that I can stop it. '' I look up at that, my eyes narrowing,

'' And then what? Joker would have found another way to blow these kids up and the outcome would be the same except from that I would be in a huge fight with him then because he would find out that I was double-playing. ''

'' How can this leave you so cold?! You're not that much older than them!- ''

'' I'm 10 years older than them! That's a lot of time! Just because I'm not an adult it doesn't mean you're that much older! We're just 6 years apart, don't think this makes you much older than me because it's not that much of a difference! It's not about age Bruce, you should know that best! I tried to talk him out of this, believe me, I did everything that came to my mind! Hell I even pretended to be sick to make him worry but it didn't work because he knew it was a trick! Because Joker knows that I like you! '' He gives a small laugh like he doesn't believe me. He's not thinking that I was part of this is he? I mean, I was there but I didn't help with anything. In fact I even tried to stop him until the point where Batman arrived and Joker blew the whole thing sky high. And it was there that I realized that Joker never planned for Batman to save them because he never wanted him to save him. He simply waited until Batman is there to see how he burns these children alive. Because Joker wanted to punish him no matter what. But I had no idea that he planned it like this, he just told me that he would give Batman a chance, probably only to keep me from doing anything stupid.

'' So why are you here then? To tell me that you're sorry? You don't have to, it wouldn't change anything anyway. '' Slowly my hands curl to fists, this damn asshole! How easy does he think this is?!

'' What else do you expect me to do! '' My voice gets slowly louder just as Bruce's does as he takes a step closer to me,

'' How about using your influence on Joker to change him! It would be a huge favor for me, for everyone on the world! ''

'' How easy do you think this situation is! I don't think you get what's going on here but I'm risking my butt by trying to stop him from one of his plans! For you! I'm betraying Joker by going here and apologizing for what he did because I feel like I betrayed you! And I feel bad because of this! But seriously Bruce what do you expect from me!? That I change Joker and make him one of the good people?! I'm not Jesus, I can't change him and to be honest I don't want to do so too! I'm not here to change him, I'm here to live his lifestyle with him! I'm here because you're my friend and I want to make sure you're coping with this! I was worried about you okay?! But Bruce...!- '' I break off and look to the side, this is not turning out how I wanted it to. This is going wrong, all wrong, I wanted to get fine with him again not get into even more trouble.

'' What! ''

''You scared me, ok?! In that alley, you scared the hell outa me... I thought you would kill Joker... I thought you would kill me...'' I grit my teeth as soon as those words left my mouth and from Bruce's look I can see that this somehow shocked him. He looks at me silently a moment before he turns and disappears inside the mansion. My lips part as I feel like calling after him but now words escape my lips. Instead I feel tears jumping into my eyes as I watch him disappearing. I lower my head and bite my lip to keep Alfred from seeing any tears but I know he sees them.

'' I swear... I didn't know he would burn them... I tried to stop him.. I tried...'' I choke out as more tears fall, so this is what it feels like to lose someone you hold dear. It sucks even more than I thought.

'' Do you want a tea? '' I look up with wide eyes at the gentle sound in Alfred's voice to see him looking down with me in worry. Is he worried... about me? Slowly but silently I nod and go after him into the kitchen where I sit down and watch him preparing tea. Should I go try to find Bruce...? Maybe I should leave this whole thing some more space but I don't want to lose him and what if this happens when I give the thing more time? This would hurt... probably more than I imagine it right now...

'' Do you feel better? '' Alfred asks as soon as drunk out the tea. By now I calmed, the tears stopped and I'm more determined to get this right again. Slowly I nod and get up,

'' Do you know where he is? ''

'' I'm not sure but the last few days he spent in the Batcave training. ''

'' Joker never planned for the kids to survive... I didn't know that though... I thought he could save them...''

'' I figured that by now. I think that... if someone gets him back to normal right now it's you. '' With a small smile I nod and turn to go into the library, I know that there's a secret entrance when you push the right keys of the piano, Bruce showed me the right ones. I repeat what he showed me and soon one of the shelves disappears and I see the entrance of the cave. I step into the elevator and as soon as the door is closed again, it sends me down. In the cave I abruptly hear the noise of someone hitting something, hard. I follow the noise until I'm at the lowest part of the cave and soon spot Bruce hitting one of the dummies until it simply cracks off the stick and flies a few meters away. Slowly I approach from behind but I stop myself from getting close enough for him to reach out to me. It's not that I don't trust him it's just that last time Bruce was wrapped up in training and I crept up to him he almost broke my nose. It's the same with him as it is with Joker. They both are predators and if you corner or surprise a predator, they attack. I look at him a few moments, there's anger all over his face. The only real emotion I by now saw on him is always anger. He's so full with it that it took him over by now... I lower my head another time but curl then my hands to fists and look up again with an attitude,

'' I didn't know he would blow them up... He told me he would leave you the chance to save them but that probably was only to calm me. … I really tried to get him off that idea but he was convinced that he had to punish you... I'm so sorry... you have to believe me that... But I can't tell you about his plans and even if I could... I wouldn't want to. And I don't even want to try to change him. ''

'' I could have stopped it. If I would have figured it faster- ''

'' You know what's your problem? You let these deaths come too close to you. I know you have a soft spot for orphans because of what happened to you and I know you take it personally every time someone dies but Bruce... this will kill you, sooner or later. I know you take every death personal but you can't always take this so close to heart. I mean, a psychiatrist takes care of their patients too... usually... but they don't cry with them, right? Because in their job this would only be bad for them and it's just the same with you, if it's not even worse. It will hurt you more and more with every death and at some point you will have nothing left in you but grief and the thought 'this is my fault'. ''

'' I wouldn't need to blame myself if I would have saved them like I should have- ''

'' Joker never planned on letting them go, on giving you the chance to save them. He said he would but he was lying from the beginning on. He planned from the beginning to set them on fire like a candle to hurt you, to punish you from 'allowing' him to find out- Wait a second...'' Suddenly something comes to my mind that I never thought about before... I title my head down and look at the stones as if there would be something interesting on them while my mind starts to race. At some point I face palm with a groan,

'' Of course, why didn't I think of that! ''

'' What? ''

'' Joker wanted to punish you. ''

'' Yeah I figured that much after he screamed it at my face, what about it? ''

'' No he didn't want to punish you because he enjoyed it but because he wanted to let you know what would happen if other people find out about who you are. I mean, Joker can cope with knowing so well because he doesn't care about who you are under the mask because for him all that matters is Batman but when more people find out- ''

'' Then they would find a way to kill me and take Batman away from him. ''

'' Exactly. And that would shatter his entire would so he wanted to hurt you because he wanted to, in his own way, protect you. I know, sounds crazy but that's Joker's way in showing he cares. ''

'' I can't believe that this even makes sense. '' He says with a sigh and places his hand against his forehead as if he suddenly got strong headaches. I title my head and look at him with a small smile,

'' He's got a pretty crappy way to help, I gotta admit that, but I don't even think that he meant bad this time. '' He looks at me in silence a few moments like he's trying to find the right words or something. At least the anger in his eyes cools down just a little bit so that I can take another step closer. Suddenly he shakes his head,

'' Selina, I don't think you understand this. '' I title my head and raise an eyebrow confused,

'' What do you mean? If I don't get something right, try to explain it to me. ''

'' Officially I shouldn't even be talking to you, you shouldn't even know about this cave let alone about me. Selina you're Joker's girlfriend and as much as I like you, I hate him at least just as much. If he now tries to 'help' or not but that still doesn't change what he did. And I like your company, I really do, but I don't think I can do this. ''

'' And that concerns me why...? ''

'' It's not concerning you, not directly, but that doesn't make you any less guilty for this. You have the chance to not be part of all of this but you decided to be part of the murdering, and even if you mean well with me and with a few other people, it doesn't change the fact that you're at least a little guilty for these murders too. I saw what you can do, how far you go to protect yourself and the people you love and to be honest I don't think that you will keep that no-killing rule up for long. Latest when something happens you can't get out of you will kill when it means protecting yourself. '' I narrow my eyes slightly as my head tries to make out what exactly he's trying to tell me here. I mean, there were more than enough bad situations, the break-in into the hideout in Germany for example was a time where killing would have gotten me out of the situation but I didn't even consider it there... But... there are times lately where I think that it would be easier if I would just finish them off directly instead of trying to first knock them out. But I never did kill so why's he bringing it out like this now?

'' But I never killed before and believe me there was something once that would have saved me a lot of... emotional pain... if I would just have killed. But I didn't. And I never will, no matter what happens. After all you too get out of every situation without killing someone so why shouldn't I manage that too? I mean, I'm not hyper intelligent and I don't have all these tools but I'm good at talking and I know how to maneuver myself out of bad situations. And yes, I'm mostly there too when Joker kills because I like the rush and because I like to be there but that doesn't mean I do something myself. The most I by now did was hurting people but you do the same and I never before broke almost someone's whole body. Do you really think I would have done this much to stay with Joker just so that I can try to change him now? I don't have a reason for that. Yes he's brutal but that's the person I fell in love with and I don't want to change him. This all is not as easy as you may think it is. ''

'' That doesn't change anything Selina, I know you're good at getting away somewhere but I saw what certain situations do to you and I will not take you killing onto me too. '' I stop a moment at that, this almost sounds like he wants to break up with me but we're not in a relationship so he can't do that... Except he wants to tell me with this gently that he doesn't want me to come here anymore...

'' So... you basically mean that you like me but your conscience can't cope with me being Joker's girlfriend because you're convinced that I, sooner or later, end up killing other people and you don't want to feel responsible for that one too... And now you want me to stay away from here...? '' I ask with titled head and a expression on my face that's a mix of confuse and something that wishes for him to tell me I'm wrong. But he doesn't. His face only gets a more stoic expression and he nods, slowly, like you do when you're about to say something that will change your life for the future,

'' Yes. '' I bite onto my tongue at that before nodding,

'' Okay. '' Without another word or look at the man in front of me I turn and get back up to the mansion where I go straight up to the door but before I can open it and leave, Alfred passes me up,

'' If I may ask, how did it go? '' I stop with my hand over the door handle and turn halfway to Alfred who has a concerned look on his face that only deepens when I give him a small smile that probably won't cover the sudden feeling of my insides turning around in my body. I almost feel the color losing my face, it feels like a kick into the stomach...

'' He just made it pretty clear to me that he has no interest in seeing me again because he can't cope with me being with Joker. So he wanted me to leave and now I go, see you Alfred. '' Not leaving him the chance to say anything I get out of the mansion and walk back to the hideout. Walking takes a lot longer than driving but I don't want to get a taxi and I like walking when I can listen to music. Well, if he thinks this is going to stop me from going out with Joker then he's wrong and I won't change myself or Joker just so that he changes his mind. I'm not so desperate to have Bruce as my friend that I would do anything. I don't even know if he says this because he really means it or because he hopes it would change my mind somehow because he knows that, when I call people my friends, they mean a lot to me. Well whatever it is I will not change, I will not change Joker and I will no go to him again unless he calls me. I don't need him, if he wants to be a bitch, fine. I grit my teeth and my steps get a little more angry as my hands curl to fists,

'' I don't need him. '' I murmur to myself. It takes me almost 2 hours to get back to the hideout, by now the night is completely up and I already passed a few people that try to get lucky tonight. I saw a few of Two Face's guys setting something up and I found a green question mark on the wall, this will be a busy night for Batman. Well, I hope someone's hitting him. Hard. As soon as I'm inside the hideout I get into the kitchen to grab a glass and fill it with Vodka-O, if I keep it up I'll be an alcoholic in a few weeks but right now I pretty much give a fuck about this. I take a sip while going into Joker's and my room to find it empty but I don't think Joker went out just now, he will wait a little longer. He was pretty satisfied with himself after he heard the kids screaming while they burned inside the locked house. Now that I think about it, this situation even is kinda funny. There Joker tried to help Batman for the first time and Batman totally flips, well shit happens. I lay down on the bed and close my eyes while listening to Knifes and Pens by Black Veil Brides. At some point the earphones gets pulled out of my ears and I'm face to face with an amused Joker,

'' So how's Batsy doin'? Did yer sweet lil 'I apologize for something I didn't do' work well? '' He spots the alcohol on the desk and grins,

'' Guess not. ''

'' You tried to help him, didn't you? By showing him what would happen when others find out about his true identity. You thought that, if you could figure it so easy others could too and you knew once they know they would find a way to kill him what would take Batman from your grasp. So you wanted to make him as angry as possible to avoid anyone finding out. '' He titles his head with faked-innocence and laughs,

'' No idea what yer talkin' bout Angel but if ya like to see it like this, suit yerself. ''

'' You know, you have a really bad imagination of helping...'' I say with a small smile,

'' Hey at least he learned his mistake, I was doing him a favor. ''

'' Probably...''

'' C'mon princess, we got somethin' to do. ...Or, d'ya wanna stop me again? '' He smirks at me with a mocking glance on what my eyes narrow,

'' No. I won't try anything. I want to hurt someone...! '' I say with a low voice what makes Joker laugh with something close to glee. I get off the bed and grab my cloths, this won't change anything for me.

---

- 3 hours later -

I watched her these past hours closely, something changed in her eyes, something that before was warm grew colder. Whatever happened at Bats' place, it sure affected her pretty much. Well, it's her business and to be honest I don't care much for what happened there. From what she looks like I would say it didn't went half as well as she hoped. To be honest I'm fine with the thought of her and Bats being friends, it would keep her safer in the future and in case something happens I'm sure Bats would offer his help. Well, if that thing's still up it means. As I picked her up everything seemed to be all fine but since I burned down the orphan and the brats in it Bats seems a lot angrier. Well, his fault that he allows me to find out. Really I only did him a favor with that, he wouldn't hold a grudge against me for long anyway so who cares. The small surprise I have for him now will surely clear everything out again but until now he didn't show up so that I walk up and down rather pissed while Angel sits on one of the steel bars that broke down after the wooden holders where burned off enough. Here I was, burning down a whole bridge for Bats and he's not even feeling the need to show up! After the last time where he broke my ribs I had such a nice welcome-team for him here and now he's not showing up.

'' He's not coming Joker. '' I look back to Angel to find her aching her back a little to stretch her muscles. My eyes move along her body at that but settle on he face as she stops to look at me with a half bored, half annoyed expression on her pretty face.

'' What exactly did ya say to 'im, hm? '' She closes her eyes and rolls her head on her shoulders,

'' I didn't say anything, he kicked me out. '' I narrow my eyes a little and sneer,

'' Then there's no excuse for not showing up! '' I hear her sighing softly but there's no other noise from her for ten more minutes. I blew the thing up half an hour ago, no way he didn't see that! It's large, it's burning, hell there were even people on the damn thing that were more than just loud. Really, can't they die silently? I just turn back to look at Angel again as I see her eyes suddenly having a sharper look,

'' I hear sirens, there are cops on the way. A lot of them- Joker some are here, they're at every end of the bridge. '' She says after taking another breathe, her nose really gives me some good information and her hearing is a good add to the fun too. I take out the radio I took with me and tell my boys to make sure no cop gets past my barricades that are at each end of the bridge,

'' Make sure to let out all your... anger on 'em! ''

'' Joker they're here, around us, a few at least...! '' I turn back to her at the sound of her warning and step closer,

'' Where. ''

'' I'm not sure...'' She whispers back. I grab a gun out of my jacket and look around. It doesn't take long for me to find a head poking out his little hideout behind a destroyed car. With a loud 'helloo' I shoot right between his eyes as he turns his head to look at me. Idiot. I turn on a noise behind me and shoot down the next cop but on a small gasp and the sudden sound of a body falling to the ground that sounds for me a little too familiar to Angel's voice I turn to her to see a small dart in her neck and her body limp. This wasn't toxin, it wouldn't spread out this fast but since when do they fucking use these things?! We're not some crappy animals! Well... not always at least. I get to her side and look around to find the guy that fucking shot her but right in the moment where I spot him, I feel a dart hitting my own body right in the back of my neck. Abruptly a small feeling dizziness runs though my veins and I can almost feel the drug spreading out in my system. But one never was enough to get me down and right now it's important to get Angel away from here before they shoot me another time. But I gotta admit, these things really are a punch in the face in the opposite to the drugs they normally use. What's in these darts?! I shoot the guy that I spotter first and cover Angel's body then a little while turning to find the last one but right as I turned there suddenly is another dart in my body, this time right in my chest. I grit my teeth and pull both darts out after shooting the last cop. With a heavy breathing I force my body up and lift then my unconscious kitty off the ground. I check the area another time and for the first time I dislike my fire because right now it keeps me from hearing any noise around me. I grit my teeth but decide to just hope for the best, somewhere close to the railing should still be some stairs, they lead below ground. There we should be safe for some time and there should still be Steve and Anthony, they can take her away from here or keep off some cops for that matter. I look down to Angel to find her still out like a candle, the shit must be a lot stronger than normal because I know that she normally isn't flat out right from the beginning on just cause of some drugs. I chew on the inside of my scar as I find the stairs blocked by a bunch of broken steel and parts of a car that's even still burning. Sneering I look over the railing, jumping into the water would be a small chance if I don't find anything else and the cold water should wake Angel up-

'' Freeze! '' I turn to see another cop, this time someone older, fat with a trench coat. Hey, I know that one,

'' Pete! Old buddy, what's up with ya, how's the family- ''

'' Shut it Clown or I swear I'm gonna shoot yer woman's freakin' head off! '' He seems so angry, now why's that? I only chopped off his girlfriend's head but he wouldn't hold that against me now would he? I smirk at him and title my head but my voice is low, showing that I don't like him talking this rude to me,

'' Y'know, ya should really learn to keep that fat ugly mouth of yers shut...! ''

'' What, did I hit a nerve there- '' Before he can laugh or grin in that matter I groan annoyed and shoot into his knee but to my surprise he, as soon as he's on the ground screaming, pulls out a radio,

'' Get him! '' Right in that moment a helicopter comes up to the bridge and 4 SWAT-guys jump out to land right in front of me, jumping into the water is no option then anymore, they would shoot before I have the chance to get somewhere safe but climbing over the burning car is no use either. I'm circled and with Angel out I have no chance in getting away somehow. But maybe... With my teeth grit I throw Angel over the edge of the bridge before shooting the cops that are in front of me as fast as I can but a bullet or two hit me, nowhere bad, just the shoulder and the leg but I don't care about that. Before the helicopter can turn to shoot at me, I grab a hand-grenade out of my pocket and throw it right into the thing. There's only short time left to scream before the grenade explodes and with it half of the helicopter who crashes down on the other end of the bridge. With a last smirk at Pete I raise my gun again and shoot. Then the only thing that's on my mind is jumping into the water too to make sure Angel got out of there safely. I feel the coldness of the water mixing up with the dizzy feeling the drugs gave me but at the same time it's punching me awake, good that the damn river's not frozen anymore. I look around as soon as I come back up at the surface but can't spot Angel anywhere. The small feeling of panic rises in me as I dive under the water but it's too dark, I don't even see my own hands in front of my face. I grit my teeth but dive deeper anyway, she should be somewhere here, I threw her down here. She must be here! So why the fucking hell isn't she here?! I get back up to the surface to once more look around, the feeling of dizziness completely pushed aside as I feel that my adrenaline rushes through my veins like crazy by now. I just want to open my mouth to scream her name as I hear footsteps, I turn in the water to see 2 cops holding back a by now obviously more or less awake Angel behind, her body dripping, her face blindfolded and gagged,

'' Get here now! '' One of the calls over while holding his gun at her head. And then I realize it, these aren't cops, not real ones at least. I recognize the tattoo that both of them have at their necks, that's something Penguin wants his guys to have, the ones that work close with him. I swim up to them and lift my body out of the water before glaring at both of them, my eyes only faintly moving to Angel,

''Okay spill it, what's goin' on 'ere?! ''

'' Mr. Cobblepot wants to talk to you and after we saw the cops shooting at you we thought: Now or never. '' They both smirk at that but right in that moment there are more cops, this time real cops, pointing their guns at us,

'' Great job idiots! '' I bark at them as they push Angel into my arms while pointing their own guns at them,

'' Hands up, everyone! '' I hear Angel muffling something that sounds like a 'funny' but her body presses a little closer into mine. I use the chance to free her of the blindfold and the cloth around her mouth on what she glares at both men of the penguin. I tap onto her shoulder as Penguin's guys start arguing with the cops to get her attention and motion her then to follow me silently. While the 4 men keep up their argument Angel and I sneak up to the door that leads below ground and disappear behind it before making sure to put a shelve in front there. No idea why the thing's down here but I'll not bite the hand that feeds me, not right now at least.

'' Yer fine kiddo? ''

'' I think so, you threw me into the water right? '' I smirk at her and nod but on the noise of more footsteps I stop and groan as there suddenly are more cops again. Ok, they really send everyone this time, they gotta be fucking kidding me. Well fuck it, now it's gonna be 'who's better at avoiding getting hit'. I crack the bones in my neck and take then a few steps closer, this is gonna be fun!

---

I sit up in a rush, taking in a deep, sharp breathe as if I wasn't breathing for hours. For a few seconds everything in front of my eyes is black and I feel like my brain is making cartwheels in my head. I grab onto my head and shut my eyes close tightly. What the hell happened?! I know that Joker and I were fighting the cops but then something hit me on the head and through I was still dizzy from the injection I lost conscious abruptly but what happened while I was out? I wait until my head stops spinning and open then my eyes carefully, the light in the room is out and the only light that's in here comes from the window which is nailed close with a black cover what makes it hard for me to see anything at all but alone from the smell this room has I can tell that I'm not at home, not at Johnathan's and not at the mansion. Something about this smell triggers something in my mind but I can't say what. I know this smell, this mix of piss, vomit and blood. I look around in the room as my eyes slowly get used to the darkness that's surrounding me-

Silent in my Sanity I live safe inside my cell...

'' And in the darkness that surrounds me I see my own special hell...'' I look down at my hands, I know that sentence, I repeated it a lot at some point but I can't remember when. Still, right now it somehow makes me feel better inside, like it's like a calming prayer. I shake my head and narrow my eyes, this really isn't the time to think about any silent prayer or some kind of calming quote I picked from some movie, I need to find out where I am and I need to find Joker. I got struck down while he was still fighting so either he got away and is now hiding in some cheap motel with / without me or we both got caught. But caught from who? Penguin's guys? The cops? Some other fucker that has a grudge against Joker and saw his chance in getting rid of him? Ignoring the feeling of nausea that comes up in m I push my body off the bed and take a few steps to the part of the wall where I see the outlines of a door. The first thing I notice as I get to the door is that it's cold, made of steal probably. The second thing I notice is that there's no knob, no handle, nothing to open it with. I feel a few times around the door and next to it to maybe find a special way to open it but the wall around the door is just as cold and made of thick stone. I almost feel like in one of these cells the cops throw you in if you drunk too much. But I wasn't drunk, I was knocked out by a needle with a drug on it and a hard hit on the head with a bat! I raise my hands to knock hard and loud against the door but in that moment I hear the door being unlocked. My first instinct is to move back in case they try to attack me but as the door opens with a loud screeching noise, there aren't any rough looking gangsters, no psychos, not even cops. In front of me is a large man dressed in a white uniform and a guard behind him with a gun and a stick in his hands. Behind the first man there is a mid-aged man in a formal looking black pants, a blue shirt and a white coat that screams 'doctor' for me. He's from Texas I would say from his face and the look in his eyes. I back off a little more until my legs hits the bed from behind. The man looks over me a few times and looks at me almost insulting but I see the faked friendly smile on his lips,

'' Hello, my name is Doctor Tracey. '' I narrow my eyes a little in confusion but then I sigh, giving him a look of defeat,

'' I'm in Arkham, right? And you want to find out why I am who I am. '' He looks almost released as soon as I stop talking like he expected something worse from me. His body relaxes a little and he shakes his head before stepping closer to me,

'' I want to find out why you do the things you do but that doesn't defines you. You are a troubled woman but I will help you getting better. Getting a normal, healthy life. Did you never think about getting married and having a child or two? '' I title my head at that, now that I think about it I never ever before considered getting married. The girls and even some boys in my class were talking about getting married to someone once and living a sweet happy-family life but I never could get myself to talk with them about this because I never liked the thought of getting married. It's like being bound to someone and there's nothing you can do against it. I mean, if you're just in a relationship you can break up at any time you think it would be good but if you're married to the guy it'll be a lot harder to get rid of him. I don't know, for me marriage is like being caught in a cage, wearing an invisible collar maybe. I shrug my shoulders and cross my arms, my voice low but not dangerously, more like I'm really thinking about the question, what I do,

'' I had a dream about getting pregnant once, shortly after my sex-life got into daily routine if you know what I mean. ''

'' And what happened in that dream? ''

'' I found out and went into the kitchen. There I took a knife and I repeatedly stabbed myself in the belly until everything around me was covered in blood. So yes, I thought about it but I never could compare to the thought. I don't like marriage and I really don't like the thought of having a baby later. ''

'' Is that why you never stopped the Joker on killing children? ''

'' Yeah sure, cause he would stop just cause I tell him to. '' I murmur with a small glaring pout at the wall. Dr. Tracey nods and scribbles some notes down on his clipboard. Well, cooperating won't hurt me, at least not now. I just need to get him a little friendly with me. If he's like Alfred though I can shoot myself right here and now too, would save me the trouble.

'' Where's Joker? ''

'' In his cell. ''

'' Get me to him. ...Uh, please. '' I add the please after a few seconds, getting rude or aggressive won't help my current situation so if I like it or not but I need to play nice with him.

'' I fear that I cannot do this my dear. The Joker is a large reason for your behavior. ''

'' What do you mean with that? ''

'' I mean that he is manipulating your mind and through that he makes you do the things you do. The Joker always was known as a person that was a master at invading another mind and- ''

'' My mind is not invaded. I'm thinking on my own and what I do, I do because I want to. Because I like the feeling it gives me. '' I'm not so easy-minded that I would someone just manipulate me into things like this. It's almost impossible to manipulate me or to invade my mind, at least I think that. I mentally shake my head and curl my hands to fists. Yes Joker's in my mind but not like this, not as my puppeteer but as-

'' You do not know what you're talking about, believe me, as soon as you start to clear your mind you will see what you truly want. '' I narrow my eyes at him and give him a look that shows something between confusion and 'fuck you', I'm trying to be nice and cooperating and all that and he's pissing me off! Why's everyone picking at me like that just because I'm in a relationship with Joker? I mean, is there anyone of the good-people that isn't hating me just for being with him? Let's face it, I was, since it first was published that Joker is walking around with a woman, hated. But that never bothered me much and I don't see a reason why it should now. I lean back a little to get some more distance to the man, by now my arms are crossed and my face is bitchy-bittersweet,

'' And what do I truly want? ''

'' A normal life. Love. A place you belong, a family that accepts and loves you for who you are. '' Now I title my head in confusion,

'' I have all that. Well... my life maybe isn't that normal and they're not my family by blood but it's what I want. '' He shakes his head now, a look on his face that almost reminds me on an adult that talks to a 3 year old that just refuses to accept that the hair of her Barbie won't grow again,

'' You will soon enough see what I mean, just wait and cooperate. ''

' I just need you to cooperate Miss Kyle, then everything will be alright. '

An ice cold shudder runs down my back as I hear a voice faintly in the back of my head. I don't know why but it makes my insides turn in fear. A sudden feeling of nausea takes place in me, I feel tired... I bite my lip hard and try to shake it off a little while keeping my outside calm. This is not going my way, I thought that there wouldn't be any problem for me being in Arkham, I told Joker it wouldn't bother me and now I feel myself panicking.

'' I want you to get me to Joker. Now. ''

'' Mr. Cash and Mr. Bowels here will get you into your room. Your first therapy session will be in two hours. '' With a small nod he leaves and both men come up to me. One of them has a large shotgun in his hands and wears a black outfit that comes close to SWAT uniform while the other one who has a dark skin is dressed in a simple blue security-uniform with a small gun at his belt. The second man steps in close enough to grab my arm tightly but I refuse to let the pain cross my features as he growls at me,

'' Ok lady just so that ya know the rules. We can do this whole thing on the easy or the hard way. Gimme a reason to switch to hard and yer gonna regret it. Got it? '' I close my eyes a moment to calm everything inside of me before looking up at him with an almost bored expression,

'' You can spent all your time on me. If you want to, get me through everything you got, but I won't change myself. Not for you, not for anyone... Not again. I'm done pretending to be someone I'm not. I'm sick of lying just to please the people around me while they never cared for me. '' He looks at my cold but defeated expression a little surprised but it doesn't take long until his grip tightens again and I'm being dragged along the floor. The cell I soon find myself in is empty except from a bed and a small wooden plate on the wall to place something on it. I find a mirror too but that's it. The cell contains out of 3 stone-walls and one out of glass. I know that these cells only get the people that are with higher security. I wonder why exactly they put me here. Maybe because of what I told the last woman that wanted to talk about my feelings, maybe because they just thought it would be necessary, I'm not sure. I sigh and sit down on the hard bed that still has something comfortable on it and look outside. The cell in front of me holds a man with dark, dirty blond hair that comes close to a brown shade and blue-gray eyes that scream intelligence and arrogance at the same time. The wall of his 'room' is full with question marks and 'riddle me this' sentences. Must be the Riddler then. I barely read anything about him, never thought it would be important. Everything I know is what the guys told me, that he's arrogant and totally obsessed with making a riddle that Batman can't solve. They also said he's cheating a whole lot. While he's pretty intelligent and feared from the politicians for his abilities in hacking and spying on others, he's a pussy. As soon as he's face-to-face with another villain he's getting silent and he obeys without any other word. I know that Johnathan told me about a few of his fears which are a lot. I title my head and look closely at what the man is drawing onto the wall now. It seems to be another riddle but I can't read it from here, his cell's got some distance to mine. I sigh and lean back, this is going to be hell. Really now, where's Joker? He never got caught this often and now he does and once more it's my fault. Now I already trained and still I'm too weak to actually do something... I shake my head and look up again as I feel a pair of eyes on me,

'' Riddle me this, with a flick and a turn, I burn but if you shut me close, all the magic is gone. What am I? '' He suddenly asks with his arms crossed, an arrogant smirk on his face. I sigh and title my head, my hands on my hips,

'' A Zippo. Honey, I was smoking once and had a favorite Zippo, you can't come me with that. '' His smirk drops a moment before his eyes narrow, I have to say, he's a very handsome man. To be honest every one of the men I met by now are pretty much handsome. Johnathan, Bruce, Anthony, Steve, Mason, Logan, this Riddler and Joker of course. But Edward Nigma has something charming on his face that I like. Something about his eyes I guess, they fit his face perfectly without making him look any less masculine. I look at him interested as he once more moves his eyes to me,

'' I have billions of eyes, yet I live in darkness. I have millions of ears, yet only four lobes. I have no muscle, yet I rule two hemispheres. What am I? '' My lips part a little and my eyes change into 'the fuuuuck?' while I title my head a little. A look of pure sick satisfaction takes place on his face and to be honest I would love to just flicker my claws along his handsome face! -Wait a second... we had something like this in Biology last time I was in school... what organ was like this again...

'' The human heart. '' The look of a childlike stubborn pout on his face makes me grin widely while showing him the victory sign and sticking my tongue out. With a huff he turns away from me and goes back to scribble the notes onto the wall. I sigh and put my hands on my hips, he's almost cute when he's like that...

Around 3 hours later there once more come Cash and the other guy whose name I forgot into my room to get me into a smaller room with white walls and a brown table inclusive two wooden chairs in it. Really, this so reminds me on a few movies I watched, like an interrogation room, this almost makes it interesting but right now that's the last thing I should care about. Right now everything that should concern me is how I get to Joker and why the hell I'm here now. To answer questions or to get 'fine' again? I'm not mentally ill anymore, I would feel it but everything I do feel comes from my body, my blood. Not my mind. That's a difference. And being a little morbid or cruel isn't an illness. They only have me here because they think that I could run amok through I'm with Joker. But being in love with someone doesn't make you a bad person. The opposite even, it makes you more human. I know that love only is an emotion that humans have to justify their wish to fuck and get kids but it's no mental illness either, at least not from what I know. I look up from the table and see the man from before, Dr. Tracey, entering the room and taking his seat in front of me. A rather small file in his hand and a pen in the pocket on his chest.

'' Patient interview one, no name recorded by now. Aliases 'The Hacker with the Devil's heart' and 'Catwoman'. No personal information known yet. '' He speaks into a recorder that I didn't even notice him placing on the table before his eyes move up to mine,

'' Hello, like I said my name is Doctor Tracey, would you tell me your name? ''

'' Give me a reason. '' I answer shortly, my voice low. I'm not into these stupid patient interviews. I heard one or two with Joker and some Doctor Young and it already was enough for me. I don't need a therapy, not anymore.

'' It would speed the process. ''

'' I'm not ill. You probably hear that a lot but I'm not ill. I know it. ''

'' How do you want to know? Most patients never notice that they suffer from an mental illness how do you- ''

'' Because I was ill once and I knew about it but I'm not anymore. ''

'' Why do you think you were ill before? ''

'' Because I was diagnosed with it. Come on doc, just let me out of here. Being in a relationship with someone isn't a mental illness, it's not even a break of rules. I don't belong here. ''

'' You scared away a doctor with years of experience in not even half an hour. ''

'' That makes me good at talking, not psychotic. ''

'' I heard the recording, I know what you are. I'm trying to help you- ''

'' I don't need help! ''

'' Yet here you are! Confused and disturbed! I want to help you, try to accept it. '' My eyes narrow and I hear my own voice lowering until it's a small hissing noise,

'' Accept it? ...Fine Doctorrr...~ My name is Heather, Heather Alba. '' My expression abruptly changes into a seductive smirk and my left leg crosses swiftly over my right one while I lean back,

'' That is a wonderful start Heather. How old are you? ''

'' I'm 22 now. ''

'' Why are you here? ''

'' Because I like it here, it's keeping my life interesting. This city is almost like hell on earth. It's exciting. ''

'' Is that what you're after? Excitement? ''

'' I'm after a lot of things. Currently I'm after getting out of here, but I think a coffee would be just fine for a start. '' He eyes me closely a moment before he pulls out a few documents in front of me,

'' I'll make you an offer. You fill these out and I'll get you a coffee. '' I don't look at them but I know what they are about. They're about what I feel, how often I thought about suicide and why I thought about it and if I ever tried it. What kind of emotions I can control better than others and how long I already feel the way I do. It's the typical questionnaire that you get at a psychiatrist's with the only exception that this one here is a little more hardcore, it's more about suicide or murder than anything else. The ones I saw by now are about depression or schizophrenia or such but these are only hardcore psychoses. I look back up at him and nod on what he leaves. None of the questions there I answer honestly except from one,

'Have you ever felt not wanted by a person you loved (parents, lovers, friends. . .) ?'

This was just too good of an opportunity than to let it pass. To my surprise Dr. Tracey really returns with a warm coffee with milk and sugar next to it. I sniff at it carefully to figure of there's something in it that I rather not have in my body but I don't smell or taste anything special so I use the chance and enjoy the coffee. The session goes on for two more hours in which we talk about my answers, about my life before Joker and my feelings. None of the things I say where true and I think he's considering this possibility. Yet he's not complaining about me lying in his face. After the talk Cash comes again to put me back into my cell, by now I don't get a roommate and to be honest I'm just fine with that...

I don't get to leave the cell the following 2 days, a few people pass me and a few say something about Joker but I couldn't understand what. The only thing I could hear out was 'Joker', '15 guards' and 'padded cell'. Really, I can only imagine what's going on there. I know how Joker reacts when someone just puts me and Arkham or cell in one sentence, I don't even want to know what he did now that I'm actually locket up. I wonder where Bruce is. Is he still mad at me? But Bruce is my smallest problem right now. As long as I'm in here the only thing I need to worry about is where Joker is. I tried to get out, the only thing it got me was laughing from other inmates and half an hour with my head being pressed into cold water. I feel like I'm held captive by some terrorists that want to have specific information while telling me they want to help me. After my attempt to get out Nigma talked to me again, told me it's impossible for me to get out, that they know how to deal with patients that try to escape and that I have to wait for the right moment if I want to get out. there it was my turn to turn my back on him and ignore the man. I knew he had a point but I don't like the feeling I have when I'm in this cell. I don't like being caged, I don't like being where I get forced to take a bunch of pills every morning and night just so that I'm out like a candle. I took one doze of them and I was out like a candle so the next time I got them I hid them in the pillow as soon as the guard left. Thankfully they think I'm cooperating and this Dr. Tracey seems to think that I'm meaning well, at least I hope so. He's kinda torn I think between allowing himself to trust me and to just throw me onto the electric chair. I know they want to do this soon, because I bit off a guard's ear after he almost broke my ribs. They want to tame me, at least that's what they said. So that I stop being such a bitch and be back to the way people should be. But no one is normal, everyone thought about killing someone, one way or the other. That's a fact and that alone makes people fall out of the common moral. Right now I sit on the bed I have in my cell and meditate. I was meditating before but only when I really had stress and right now I have it. Being with Bruce while being kept away from Joker is one thing, being in a cell where most of the noises I hear are screams and the strongest smells are blood, tears and disinfection things are a whole different story. I feel my head vibrating every time I only get the faintest smell of Joker from a guard that has his blood on his suit or anything similar to this. It's like my body is fully focused on Joker and as there passed someone with his smell just a few minutes ago it was like something in me started bending and my mind protested. I just felt like leaving this cell and walking into Joker's, not even to do anything sexual but only to have more of his smell, maybe hear the faint noise of his heartbeat. I even took one of the many pills I have hidden inside the pillow to calm myself. It didn't work out as well as I hoped. Right now I feel my blood burning with desperation. I bite onto my tongue a little as I feel my hands trembling. Since Daemon's gone I feel that it's getting a lot harder to deal with my emotions and especially the thing with my senses is driving me insane. It's really starting to annoy me slowly. I've got enough of this. It was rather handy in the beginning but now it's just getting hard-

'' C'mon up Missy, we gotta get'cha to yer next session. '' I look up as I see Cash and another guy standing in front of my cell. Cash gets in as soon as the door's open and makes sure my hands are cuffed to my back. I look past him to find Nigma stopping in his scribbling on the papers he got to look up at me with a blank expression. I avoid his eyes because I know that I must be looking a lot more nervous than I should right now. I can deal with a lot but electroshock never was one of these things. I bite my tongue to keep my brows from furrowing in fear. If Joker could just escape right now I would be really really thankful. Silently I get off the bed and endure Cash grabbing me on my cuffed hands to push me along in front of him more roughly than needed.

Joker...

---

I really start to lose my patience now. It's been 2 days where I'm pumped full with these drugs while they keep me in a padded cell after I finished off the doc that first refused to tell me about what happened to Angel. I know they want her here in Arkham and I know they don't put men and women in one cell so there's no chance that she's got one of the guys as roommate. Getting caught this soon again was everything but in my intention. I really should consider making Angel stay in the hideout next times. It only ends in something like this when she's there too and while she can defend herself by now she still can't cope with the drugs they have here. I heard that she tried to escape and that she managed to bite off the ear of Fredrick while that. I don't know what happened to her on that though but I can imagine it's either their sweet drowning game or electroshock. That's what they usually do to people that jump out of their order and I know Angel's good at breaking rules. Escaping the past 2 days was a challenge to say the least but I get a chance in a little time. Right now I'm chained to a table in one of their session-rooms and I know that I get the same psychiatrist that Angel got, some new one I didn't meet yet but as they passed my cell with Oswald I heard everything I needed to know about the guy.

'' Where's ma girl? '' I ask as soon as the door opens and the mid-aged man steps in. His look's dark and disgusted, something I'm used to by now. I curl my hands to fists as he calmly takes his seat,

'' I asked ya a question pal. '' He look up at me from the documents in his hands and his eyes narrow,

'' She's in her room. ''

'' Room? That's what'cha call it? Gee I'm gettin' old. '' I say and lean back with a smirk. He's not responding. They never do except when they think they have a smart-ass retort.

'' What security level did she get? ''

'' Don't even consider it, she's far away from you. ''

'' So she's up then. Level 3? 4? C'mon buddy I don't have a lifetime to wait for ya to answer so spill it. ''

'' You know, Heather can be a really sweet person if she wants to be one. I think she's trying to get me onto her side, if she notices this or not but she's trying to sweet-talk me. I got her to talk about herself a lot, she's really cooperating well but I still don't know a thing about you so why don't we- ''

'' I tell ya what we do. Yer tellin' me what I wanna know and I'll make sure to kill ya quick. '' On his self-satisfied grin my jaw tightens. I would love to just rip that guy apart but first I need to know what happened to my girl.

'' Well I think I can tell you this... She's getting her special-treatment right in this moment. You know, for someone that obviously is used to a lot she sure does seem frightened when it comes to electroshock. Who knows, maybe I soon find out what I want to know about you without needing you to tell me. ''

Fuck information! I'll find 'er without it!

With a low growl I pick the lock of the cuffs with the needle I got from the former psychiatrist and jump over the table. Before he can scream for help, I grab his head and crash it down on the table repeatedly until I hear the bones breaking and his screaming drowning in the sound of him chocking on his own blood! Suddenly 3 pairs of arms grab me from behind and pull me off the doctor while another pair of hands injects me something, most likely something to knock me out but my adrenaline is too high by now, they won't be able to do anything with their stupid toys. After 2 more injections the only thing I feel is my anger rising even more. I know where the electroshock therapy is, I need to get to her before it begins. I saw what she's like when it comes to this kinda stuff. I free my right arm and particularly rip out the carotid artery from one guards neck. While he's busy with wasting his last breaths to scream for the help which will be no use, I snap the other wards neck and run out of the room and to the elevator. Before the guards can catch up on me the doors of the thing close and I get ready to be met with a lot more of guards. While I'm getting up I hear the sirens getting off, telling that a 'hardcore-psycho' escaped. On my way past a few guards I managed to grab a pen and a key-card. With these things you're like god in here. As soon as I get to the floor I need to go, the doors open and I'm met with a handful of guards that all have their guns pointed at my head but I wouldn't be called 'The Joker' if I wouldn't get out of these situations. With a wide grin at them I snap my fingers. 2 of the guards in the crowd suddenly get an ice cold expression, turn and shoot the real guards. It's always handy to have a few people everywhere and especially in Arkham this is perfect. Well, I will get rid of them later after all there's no real use anymore for them now that it's revealed that they work for me.

'' Not shabby boys, not too shabby at all. Next time try to be a little more creative yeah? '' When I pass them they both salute at me while rushing 'we make sure no one passes'. I don't even acknowledge that I heard them, they're the smallest of my concerns right now. In front of the room where the 'therapy' is done in are another 2 guards. They're always there in case someone, like me for example, straps down the docs on the chairs. They notice me but I'm faster in pushing the pen into their carotid artery than they're in calling for help. I watch the blood running out of their necks for a small second and kick then the door open. The first thing I see is Dr. what's-his-name Stephen and a nurse looking up at me. While the doc drops the clipboard and the pen in his hand with a look of pure fear I'm more interested in what the nurse's doing. With a small gasp of shock she turns the switch to change the grade of the voltage onto 'off' but what's catching my attention is the grade she's turning it off from. I know they go high at times but this was almost the highest level. Enough to fry every brain that's inside a skull. With something of a fucked up feeling in my gut I turn my head to look at the position the chair should be. As soon as I spot Angel on it I feel my body freezing, my mind spinning and my fingers twitching. She wasn't patched to the machine with her head, at least not only there. There are patches on her arms, her hands, feet, legs and chest too which means every bit of her body was set under the high voltage. Her hands are bound tightly to the armrests, her feet are chained and around her forehead is a thick leather band while I see another one between her teeth. Probably to keep her from biting off her own tongue. Her eyes are wide open but strangely fogged and empty while she's still biting tightly onto the band but I doubt she's still awake. If she's still alive at all that means. Her hands and legs still twitching here and there as there are probably still some electromagnetic waves moving through her body. But I don't see her chest rising or falling, except from the twitching there's no move that shows that she's still alive. I feel my head flinching while I turn to the doc,

'' Ya betta tell me she's still alive...! '' The low, growling sound in my voice makes the nurse jump while Stephens moved to her side to take her pulse but before he has the chance to shake his head or tell me whenever she's still alive or not I push the pen I still have into his ear and push it deep into his skull. The woman screams loudly as she watches the man falling to the ground like a sack of rice. With a glare I turn to her and stop her from running out of the room by grabbing a fistful of her hair and bashing her head into the wall. I know she's wake up and I know the doc's still alive, they're just not able to move right now. That's one of the perks of the human body, it's just too easy to manipulate it. With steady steps I walk up to Angel and get the patches off her skin which turned blue and green around the patches. I free her next of the bounding and lift her off the chair to place her on the ground, making sure not to hurt or move her too much. Swallowing hard I look down at her and allow my hand to move over her face. I feel her muscles twitching on the contact but as my fingers ghost over her throat I notice something that makes me get up in a rush. With steady, precise movements I chain the doctor and the nurse to the chair and patch them up completely before starting the machine. I see their bodies trembling furiously as the strong bolts run through them, I set the thing on highest stage. With a sneer of a laughter I watch how one eye of the nurse just pops out of her skull while there's blood flowing down her ears. The following hours pass by in a blur and everything I still notice around me are the sirens that give away that I got out. The shouting and the pained screams of the dying people around me. The rain as I get outside which is soaking me and the unconscious woman in my arms in mere seconds. And lastly the drive to the most secure place that comes to my mind right now...

---

A little less than 3 weeks passed since I last heard of Selina, or Joker in that matter. I caught a few of Joker's goons off the street but none of them could tell me about his location. One thing is for sure, if Joker doesn't want to be found,there's almost no way to find him. His goons were begging me not to hurt them, to just finish them off instead of doing to them what I did to every other criminal the past weeks. And with every criminal more that begged to just be killed, Selina's words came to my mind even clearer.

' You were scaring me! I thought you would kill Joker... I thought you would kill me...'

I wouldn't kill anyone, not even Joker. Not even if he would give me the chance to. Not even if I know that he deserves it. I knew that I always was the thing that scared Gotham's criminals the most but none of them, especially not Joker's goons, ever behaved like this. Normally they would try to punch me, take me out or just shoot me but lately everything that happened was that they were running, screaming. Hell, some of them even were crying. Nothing like this ever happened before. It got me thinking about what Selina said, about me taking all of this too much to heart. I know she's right, I knew that in the cave too but I couldn't admit it to myself. Protecting the innocent is everything that counts for me and this always was easy because there never was something that tried to convince me that it's wrong. Alfred of course often tried to keep me off the streets whenever it's to celebrate something or to just eat and sleep. But he never questioned my reason for the things I do. Selina did. She just told me she was afraid and I knew that something was changing in me. I mean, Selina's with Joker, I don't even want to know how used she is to everything and yet I, her friend, managed to scare her like this just in one night. I know that I take everything too much to heart, I know I should take more care of myself. But the thing is, I don't want to. I don't see why I should. Because now, there's not much left to fight for, to live for. Since I erased the friendship to Selina, Alfred seems to be more than just a little disappointed and angry with me. Just a few minutes after Selina left Alfred came down into the cave and tried to urge me to go after her. But I didn't. Because she's the enemy if I like it or not. And I can't just pretend like she would change, therefore she's too focused on Joker. I shouldn't even have taken her home with me. I should have left her in Arkham instead of being this friendly with her, allowing my guard to drop in front of her. This will not happen again.

---

With a startled yelp I jump on my chair as I hear someone kicking against my door like the person's trying to break it down any moment. I was just making the finishing touches on my new poison with the substances I got in Spain, pity that I'm now getting interrupted. Now that I think about it, the past 2 days where the only days I was alone and able to work properly. Since Selina's in Gotham she's got the habit of just getting into my apartment and taking my attention off my formulas because she's bored. I know from hers and Joker's imprisonment, I read about it in the newspaper and to be honest that made me think for a moment. After all it would be more than just a little unhealthy if Selina gets another after-shock through she can't take her medication in there. And I know about what they give their patients there, they wouldn't even make her blink if she's in that state. The last time she got calmed by Bruce Wayne's Butler and not by some drug. I think the only reason why she tried to get a friendly base between her and this Alfred is because Selina never had a father-daughter relationship. I think she's trying to have something like this. And obviously she came to the conclusion that this man can be a good replacement for her real father. Maybe because he's rather cold towards her too, maybe because she just set onto the first best person that she found. It is quit interesting, normal people drown their worries in alcohol or such but she's finding a replacement that is almost as good as the lost thing. Well, now she won't be able to have this replacement anymore, after all Wayne kicked her out. Why she didn't want to tell me but I guess it's because the rich asshole can't cope with her being who she is. It's almost funny but as she sat in front of me and cried her eyes out I suddenly felt like setting the whole damn mansion Wayne lives in onto a whole new world. And I will do just that as soon as everything's done. Well, I doubt Joker would allow them to stay in there for long but that doesn't say it would help in any way. She could be getting an attack at every seconds and I doubt they put them together in one cell. Not to mention that Joker still has no clue about her mental condition which means that even if she's in reach for him, he couldn't do anything. Slowly I rise from the old chair I've been sitting on and place down the canister of the new toxin onto the worn workbench. I want to grab for my glove but another almost panic fit of kicking makes me abandon this idea. I'm pretty much sure about who this could be. Probably Selina and Joker escaped and they needed to split up, now she's looking for a place she can hide. I hope for her she made sure not to lead any cops here. With a sigh I walk up to the door but just as I open it a tall man passes me, brushing my arm slightly on what I feel that the person is soaked. I look down to see 2 bleeding wounds in his body that only can be caused from someone shooting at him while he almost desperately holds onto a dark bundle in his arms,

'' Fix her. '' He says out of breathe, his eyes moving up to meet mine. I push the door close behind me before taking a closer step to him but on the sudden defensive look he gets I stop and take another look at the bundle. After a few seconds of staring at it I realize that the trembling bundle is Selina...

---

Ohhh it's getting serious! I sense Drama! Who else has this scent of confessions and tissues in their nose? :3