Penultimate Chapter
The two weeks that followed were pretty miserable for Micky. After a week of doing pretty much nothing, he decided to get back out there and do what he did best - party hard. A couple of Micky's closest pals, including Davy, wondered what was wrong with the normally cheerful party animal, and Micky decided to tell them the truth... or at least an edited version of the truth, anyway. Micky told them that he'd been in a short relationship with someone (a 'mystery woman') and that it had fallen apart because things were 'complicated', and that was why he'd been down in the dumps lately. It was as close to the truth as it could possibly be, as Micky really needed to talk to someone - even if he couldn't tell them exactly why he was so down.
Mike, like Micky, was desperately unhappy. Mike felt rotten from the inside out, wracked with guilt over his treatment of Micky and wishing there was some way he could make it right. Mike stood strong though, reminding himself daily the reason he'd done what he did, and the fact that it was the right thing to do, as hideous as it had been.
Mike also missed Micky. Mike missed Micky so much it physically hurt. Mike told himself that Micky would be okay, that Micky would get over it, but he still worried. Mike was horribly worried about Micky, worried that Micky didn't have anyone there to 'look after him' if he got too drunk or did something stupid. Mike tried to convince himself that maybe Micky didn't really love him after all, and that Micky would be over it all and move on within a couple of weeks. Mike genuinely hoped that would be the case. Mike wanted Micky to be happy, no matter what the expense. That was why Mike had done all of this in the first place.
But it was still hard for the both of them, especially when Davy and his girlfriend Linda got engaged and hosted an engagement party that both Mike and Micky were invited to.
It had now been a little over three weeks since Mike moved out, and Mike and Micky hadn't seen each other or spoken to each other since. They both knew they wouldn't be able to avoid each other forever, and Mike could only hope that things wouldn't be too frosty between them when they eventually met again.
Mike had heard on the grapevine that Micky had gotten back with his ex-girlfriend Samantha. Mike was both saddened that Micky was with someone else, and pleased at the same time that Micky was getting on with his life. Mike knew that Micky and Samantha had had a connection when they dated before, so he wasn't surprised that they'd managed to rekindle that romance so soon, effectively picking up where they'd left off when Micky ended the relationship with Samantha the year before.
Mike knew full-well that Micky would be attending Davy's party with Samantha. Mike thought about bailing, about claiming he was sick or had to look after the kids or something, but he knew he couldn't do that. For his break-up with Micky to carry any weight, and for Micky to really believe that Mike didn't want him, he'd have to act like everything was fine. Avoiding Micky would only make things worse in the long run, and Mike knew he'd have to face his ex-lover sooner rather than later.
When Mike arrived at Davy and Linda's party, he exchanged pleasantries with all the likely suspects before noticing Micky the other side of the room with Samantha. Mike chit-chatted to a couple of the guests before noticing Samantha head in the direction of the bathroom, leaving Micky on his own.
Mike had had a couple of drinks at this point to calm his shattered-nerves. Just seeing Micky's face brought back the memories of the last time he'd seen him, and Mike felt nauseous just thinking about that horrible afternoon when he broke Micky's heart.
Micky looked happy now though, or content at least. Mike had watched Micky and Samantha from the corner of his eye from the moment he'd walked in, and he noticed them being affectionate with each other, flirting with each other and laughing together. Mike was genuinely pleased to see Micky apparently getting his life back on track.
So Mike approached Micky, and the curly haired man looked slightly surprised when he looked up and saw Mike walking towards him.
As Mike walked closer to Micky, his heart started to pound. Micky looked even more beautiful than Mike remembered, but at the same time he didn't really look like Micky at all. Micky looked tired and worn and that sparkle in his eye seemed to be non-existant. Mike hoped that he was imagining it, but just seeing the boy he loved so dearly was an emotional rollercoaster for Mike. It hurt to see Micky and to not have him, especially when Mike wanted him so badly - in every possible sense.
"You took my advice then." Mike commented, trying to sound as cool and friendly as possible even though his insides felt like mush.
Micky looked at Mike blankly, failing to understand what the Texan meant.
"You and Samantha bein' back on." Mike forced a smile. "I'm really pleased."
Micky scoffed sarcastically.
"What, ain't I allowed to be happy for ya now?" Mike questioned.
"You don't have to pretend to care, you know." Micky said in a hushed tone.
"I do care." Mike glanced around to make sure no one was listening. "I mean it, I'm happy for ya. Samantha is a beautiful woman. You're really lucky."
Micky simply stood there looking annoyed and uncomfortable.
"I'm sorry about what happened, but we can still be buddies, can't we?" Mike asked quietly, stepping closer to Micky.
"Sure. Whatever." Micky didn't sound very convincing. "And thanks, you really did me a favour. Made me figure out what I really want and what's really important to me."
"Well good. That's good." Mike was a little surprised by that comment. "That's the one good thing about mistakes; you can learn from 'em."
Micky smiled sarcastically. "Exactly, and I've sure learnt from mine."
Mike was a little hurt by Micky's coldness, though he wasn't really expecting anything less.
Samantha then wandered back over to where Mike and Micky were standing.
"Hi, Sammy." Mike smiled.
"Hello Mike, it's nice to see you." Samantha replied.
Mike bent down, giving Samantha a small, friendly hug which she happily returned. Micky felt a little disgusted that his current girlfriend and ex-male-lover were hugging like best pals.
"I'm glad to see you two back together again." Mike feigned a smile.
"Aw, thank you." Samantha cuddled up to Micky, looking up at him happily. "I'm glad too. I'm glad he realised he made a terrible mistake letting me go in the first place!"
"Aww, well you learn from mistakes, don't you?" Micky shot Mike a dirty look before beaming down at his English girlfriend happily. "And I'm sure not letting you go again."
Samantha grinned up at Micky, and Micky leaned down, kissing her gently on the lips.
Mike's face fell, and he felt his heart ache at seeing Micky apparently happy with somebody else. Mike was jealous that Samantha got to kiss those sweet soft lips of Micky's, and not him.
Micky and Samantha broke their kiss, and they both looked at Mike cheerfully.
"Sorry." Samantha giggled.
"Don't apologise, darlin'." Mike said as calm and collected as possible. "Good to see ya both happy."
"How've you been anyway, Mike?" Samantha asked, her face turning more serious.
"Oh you know, I ain't been bad." Mike glanced at Micky for a second, sensing that he wanted Mike to get as far away from him as possible. "I'm getting myself straight now."
"That's good to hear." Samantha smiled.
"Well I'm gonna leave you lovebirds to it. I'll see you both around."
"Bye, Michael."
Mike gave Samantha and Micky a nod and then walked off in the opposite direction.
"Aww, he's nice." Samantha said to Micky once Mike had walked away. "I know what he did to his wife was really bad, but I hope he manages to be happy again."
"Yeah..." Micky muttered as he watched Mike walk away. "Me too."
The entire time Mike had stood speaking to Micky and Samantha, he'd had his hand in such a tight fist that his fingernails had almost broken the skin of his palm. Mike had used everything he had in his body to be calm and seem positive around Micky that he felt physically exhausted.
Mike tried to maintain as normal as possible, as hard as it was. It was sickening for him to see Micky and Samantha all over each other all night long, but Mike knew if he left it would only make Micky think that he was affected by it.
Mike wondered if Micky really was happy. Mike wondered if Micky and Samantha's rekindled relationship was just a rebound thing, or whether Micky genuinely had realised what he wanted and decided to give things another go. Mike didn't know what to think, or how to feel. He felt such a mixture of emotions inside of him that he really had no idea about anything anymore.
A little later in the evening, Davy approached Mike. Mike was standing there watching Micky feed Samantha a chocolate covered strawberry, as Davy and Linda had a chocolate fountain, and he found himself feeling more and more nauseated the more he watched them.
"I told you he was still hung up on her." A familiar voice in a Manchester accent said to Mike.
Mike looked down at Davy standing beside him. "Yep. You were right."
"Though what's all this about that mystery bird of his?" Davy questioned Mike on the sly.
Mike looked at Davy blankly. "What?"
"Apparently Micky was dating some mystery woman for a month but then they broke up because things were complicated." Davy told Mike. "I thought you might know something about it?"
"Uh, no. No I don't." Mike replied bluntly, feeling nervous at the questioning.
"Well he seemed really cut-up about it, he was in a right mood for a while there." Davy continued. "But I told him, I said; "Micky, if you want to get over one bird, you need to get on top of another." - Ain't that right?"
Davy elbowed Mike in the ribs playfully, but Mike simply stared at the much-shorter man with an unamused expression.
Davy cleared his throat, realising that Mike wasn't perhaps the right audience for a comment like that. "But anyway, he seems pretty happy now, so whoever this mystery girl was she can't have been that special. I bet she was married or something and he got all hung-up on the danger of it all or something. You know what he's like, he gets so carried away with things like that."
Mike swallowed hard, wondering if Davy had a point. "Yeah... Probably."
"Ah well, I'm glad those days of complicated relationships are over for me now I'm marrying my Linda." Davy said cheerfully. "We just need to sort you out next."
Mike smiled sarcastically. "I think I'll live."
Mike didn't stay at the party for much longer. Instead he went back to his big, remodelled house. As he walked inside, it felt lonely and cold. Mike sat on the couch in his humongous living room and looked around. The house was everything he dreamed it would be, and he was really pleased with the renovations; but it didn't feel like his home. Mike missed the mess of Micky's house. Mike never understood that although Micky's house was rather large, it always managed to feel cluttered. There was so much stuff everywhere, and while Mike once thought it irritated him, he now longed for it. Mike had always been house-proud - he didn't like things untidy or unorganised, and Micky's house was just that. Micky had so much stuff. But that house was full of life, and Mike missed it.
It wasn't just the house Mike longed for. Mike felt himself literally pine for Micky. He was horribly envious of Samantha, but at the same time he was comforted knowing Micky wasn't alone. Mike was happy to know Micky wouldn't be feeling like he was feeling right now - cold and lonely. Mike was glad Micky had someone there with him to talk to and hold. Micky's feelings mattered far more to Mike than his own feelings, and he realised that he'd never felt that way about anyone else before.
But it still hurt. Knowing Micky was okay eased the pain only slightly. There was still a huge empty hole inside of Mike that he feared would never be filled. Davy's words were ringing in his ears; maybe Micky was only hung-up on Mike because of the danger and excitement of this 'complicated' relationship, and maybe he really was over it just like that. While that thought hurt Mike, he actually hoped it was true - for Micky's sake, if not his own.
The week after, Micky, Mike and Davy had a meeting with their management about their upcoming tour that was due to start in a couple of month's time. It was a simple meeting with a few people putting ideas forward and confirming their schedules for rehearsals which were starting next month.
Mike and Micky hardly spoke throughout the meeting, or at least not with each other anyway. There wasn't exactly tension, but Mike was a little concerned that things didn't seem to be exactly normal between them.
When the meeting had finished, Mike pulled Micky to one side.
"Can I have a word?" Mike asked as everyone else headed off down the corridor of the managements building.
Micky looked at Mike blankly.
Mike glanced ahead to see nobody was paying them any attention.
"I just wanted to make sure we're okay." Mike begun in a hushed tone.
Micky continued to look at Mike with a nonchalant expression.
"Because we're gonna be seeing a lot more of each other when rehearsals start and I don't want things bein' awkward." Mike went on.
Micky shrugged. "They won't be. At least not on my part anyway."
"Well good... that's good." Mike felt really uncomfortable. "So we're cool?"
"Totally. Everything's groovy." Micky replied a little cooler than Mike expected. "I mean, you were right about everything. As always."
Mike wasn't sure what Micky meant.
"About it being better this way." Micky continued. "It's all turned out for the best, so there's no hard feelings."
Mike nodded slowly, swallowing hard. "Good. I'm glad."
Micky forced a smile and started to walk down the corridor.
"There was somethin' else I wanted to ask as well." Mike asked after Micky, who turned around to face the Texan.
"What is it?" Micky questioned.
"Well uh, seeing as my house is back in business I'm throwin' a little party. Nothing wild, just a gathering of people to check the place out." Mike begun a little nervously. "I'd really like it if you and Samantha could come along."
Micky was surprised not only that Mike was throwing a party, but that he was inviting him and Samantha. Micky took this as a sign that Mike really didn't give a shit about him in that sense at all.
"Well let us know the day and time and I'm sure we can make it." Micky tried to sound as assured as possible.
"It's Saturday the 26th at 8." Mike announced.
"Great. Well I'll talk to Sammy and we'll be there."
Mike forced a smile. "See you then."
When Mike was still with his wife, they would occasionally throw parties. Not often, but maybe twice a year. The parties would be big, sophisticated affairs. They weren't wild bring-your-own-booze-and-drugs bashes like Micky would throw, but a lot more reserved and 'grown-up'. This was what Mike wanted from the little party he was hosting to show off the new version of his house.
Mike didn't particularly want to host a party, but he was doing it in an attempt to get his life back on track. Mike wanted everyone to believe he was completely fine and interested in getting his life in order. Mike especially wanted Micky to believe that.
Mike thought of not inviting Micky and Samantha. He didn't particularly want to see them all over each other all night, but he knew if he didn't invite them it would look odd, and it might give Micky the impression that Mike was negatively affected by their relationship instead of being "happy for them" like he'd said.
Mike's party was actually going rather well, and Mike even found himself having a good time... almost. Mike hadn't had a 'good time' since he left Micky, and even when he wasn't having a bad time, there was still a black cloud hanging over him. Mike had spent much of the past five weeks in the studio recording songs for a possible side-project. It worked as a nice distraction, and Mike did well throwing himself into music to block out the pain in his heart and the horrible thoughts in his head. Like all distractions though, they wouldn't last, and Mike would still go home to an empty house and fall into an unsettled sleep plagued with dreams about the boy he couldn't have.
Instead of the pain getting better, it actually got worse as the days went on. Mike missed Micky more and more each day, and he found himself fantasizing about Micky almost obsessively when he wasn't being distracted by music. And sometimes, even when Mike laid down a particularly good song, he found himself thinking about how much better it would sound if Micky was the one singing it.
But when Mike saw Micky and Samantha walk into his house to join the party, his heart sunk all over again. Seeing Micky was hard. It was painful. It was like dangling a carrot in front of a rabbit just to pull it away again. It hurt, but Mike knew he had to suck it up and get used to it. Micky was happy, and that was the way he wanted it to be.
Or at least Mike thought Micky was happy. Micky, like Mike, wasn't actually happy at all. Micky, like Mike, spent each and every day attempting to distract himself from the fact that he was absolutely miserable. Micky missed Mike, and like Mike that sense of loss grew stronger with every passing day. Micky did feel a sting of bitterness, bitter than Mike didn't care about him and apparently never did. Micky was still trying to get his head around the fact that their affair apparently meant nothing.
Micky hadn't wanted to attend Mike's party, but he felt obliged. He needed to, in order to show Mike he was just fine and didn't need him anymore. Things were going well with Samantha, Micky thought, or as well as things could go when one side of the relationship was secretly in love with someone else.
But Micky wanted to make it work with Sammy. He didn't particularly see her as a consolation prize, although deep down he knew it ultimately wasn't fair rekindling his relationship with her when he still pined for someone else. But Micky didn't want to be alone, and he felt that maybe being with someone else would help him get over Mike quicker. Micky cared about Samantha deeply - he truly adored her. If Micky could imagine himself settling down with any woman, it would be Samantha. He enjoyed her company. He found her beautiful and they had great sex. She was funny, sweet, kind, a lot of fun, and she loved having Micky around. Samantha made Micky feel good about himself. She was everything Micky, or any man, could wish for in a woman. Only there was one, rather large problem; she wasn't Mike.
Micky wasn't in love with Samantha; Micky was in love with Mike. Micky was aware that he was actually completely and utterly smitten with the Texan. Micky wished so hard he could transfer those feelings to the lovely Samantha instead. Everyone seemed to be rooting for them - even Mike - and this certainly wasn't a relationship that had to be kept a secret.
But there was nothing Micky could do but wait and hope that as time went on, his feelings for Mike would grow weaker. But in the month that had passed since they split, those feelings had only managed to grow stronger.
Mike felt he needed to be a good host and greet the latest attendees. He approached Micky and Samantha with a tray of champagne, keen to give them a warm reception.
"I'm glad you could make it." Mike said as he offered them some champagne.
"Mike, this house looks incredible!" Samantha gushed as she took a glass from the tray.
"It's like a totally different house." Micky chipped in as he looked around in awe.
"I'm really pleased with it." Mike said as he set the tray down on a near table.
"I bet you are, it's gorgeous. It's so fancy!" Samantha giggled.
"A bit classy for us then." Micky nudged Samantha, causing her to giggle even more.
"Yeah, we're totally out of place here. It's so posh." Samantha laughed.
"It ain't that grand." Mike said modestly.
"It is compared to Micky's house." Samantha joked.
"Hey, you like my house! My house is just fine." Micky poked his tongue out.
Mike cleared his throat. "Well there's some food just over there. Help yourself." He gestured to a nice buffet he'd had a cook put on.
"Well there's no way we'll turn down free food, is there Mick?" Samantha asked.
"Nuh-huh. If there's a buffet that's normally where you'll find me." Micky grinned.
The two of them scurried over to the huge table, where Micky piled himself a large plate of food. Mike could tell by Micky's eyes that he was stoned, and it irritated him. Mike didn't know why, but it did.
As the night went on, Mike became more and more irked by Micky's behaviour. All the guests were enjoying several drinks, but Micky being Micky was enjoying several more than everyone else. He'd even disappeared outside a few times for some 'fresh air', although everyone knew he was heading out to smoke a joint or two.
"I think you might've had enough." Samantha said to Micky on the quiet as he helped himself to another beer.
"Come on babe, it's a party! Let's have some fun!" Micky said excitedly.
"It's not really that kind of party." Samantha giggled.
"You're right. It's boring." Micky slurred. "I'm bored."
"Don't be rude, it's not boring." Samantha was a little amused, but she also didn't want Micky causing a scene.
Mike wasn't exactly close to the couple, but he was close enough to hear parts of their exchange.
"Let's do some shots." Micky suggested with a childlike grin on his face. He looked around the bar and spotted a bottle of Tequila. "Tequila!" He shrieked excitedly.
"Micky!" Samantha giggled. "We're not doing Tequila shots."
Micky stuck his bottom lip out. "But why?"
"Because I think you've had enough to drink already." She replied, giving him a warning look. "I'm sure Mike won't like it if you throw up over his new carpet."
"Pfft, I don't care about what he thinks." Micky slurred.
Samantha frowned, getting a little irritated. "This is his house, Micky."
"Let's go home." Micky set his beer down and grabbed Samantha by the hips. "Let's go home and have some fun of our own."
Sammy couldn't help but smile. "You're so naughty."
"But that's how you like me." Micky grinned.
"Everythin' alright?" Mike asked as he walked over to where Samantha and Micky were standing.
"It's fine. Micky's had a few too many so we're going to go home, I think." Samantha replied.
"Oh. No problem." Mike glanced at Micky who was giving him a sarcastic look.
Sammy turned to Micky. "I'm going to get my coat, babe."
"Don't be long." Micky squeezed her backside playfully.
"Micky!" Samantha squeaked. She then turned to Mike and gave him an amused look. "Sorry."
"Don't mind me." Mike forced a smile.
Samantha walked off in the direction of her coat, and Micky turned his attention back to the bar, picking up his beer and knocking it back.
"I think you've had enough, don't you?" Mike said seriously.
Micky stared at Mike with a devilish glint in his eye. "Nope."
Mike felt frustrated. "Good to see some things never change." He said sarcastically.
"You don't have to pretend you care anymore." Micky slurred, and Mike looked around nervously to make sure no one was listening, worried about what Micky might say next. "Because- because I don't care about you. I'm going home to get laaaaid. And you're- you're not."
Micky laughed as if he thought Mike was some kind of joke, which infuriated the Texan.
Samantha returned wearing her coat, and noticed Mike and Micky having some kind of bizarre stand-off, with Mike glaring at Micky and Micky giggling like a naughty school boy.
"Er, have I missed something?" Samantha asked nervously.
"No, Micky's just really drunk." Mike replied, still staring at Micky. "Get him home."
"Right, come on, you." Samantha said, linking her arm with Micky's. "You better not have been rude."
"Pfft, me? Rude?! Never." Micky grinned at Mike.
"Thanks for a lovely evening, Mike. Your house really is amazing." Samantha said sweetly.
"Thanks for comin'." Mike replied, shooting Micky an angry glance.
Micky continued to smirk happily, and he and Samantha headed out.
Mike watched them leave, and he could see them laughing together as they walked out. Mike was thankful Samantha was there to look after Micky, but at the same time he felt like she was stepping on his toes a little. Mike felt like it was his job to look after Micky, not anyone else's. Mike then cringed inwardly, reminding himself that Micky wasn't a child and was more than capable of looking after himself.
But Mike wanted to be the one to take care of Micky if he was drunk or sick. Mike also wanted to be the one Micky turned to if he was in trouble, or if he was upset or worried or angry about something. Mike wanted to be the one Micky would come to when he had some exciting news, and the person he'd want to spend time with when he was at his happiest. Mike wanted Micky to share his life with him, but Mike also wanted to share his life with Micky.
Being with Micky for that short time had taught Mike just how much he needed that positive influence in his life. Micky was like sunshine, and he always had been. But now Mike was left with dark clouds and miserable, drizzly rain. Mike felt like there was this big Micky-shaped hole in his heart and he had no idea how he was supposed to fill it again.