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Chapter 25 – Conversations

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John stood rooted in place, his eyes studying her, searching for some sign that he may have misheard. Maybe Rodney had talked her into participating in one of his bad practical jokes. As soon as the idea occurred to him, he knew it wasn't true. She would never agree to mess with him about something so ... big.

It had been a long day. He was distracted and made a mistake. That was all.

But, as he read her, he saw his Teyla—his amazing, beautiful, confident Teyla—growing more unsteady by the second. She met his gaze with a worried expression that mirrored his own and said, "I am carrying a child, John."

John felt the blood draining from his face. The shadow of a memory locked away slipped to the surface, and he had the sense that the ground was shifting beneath his feet, threatening to swallow him whole. He had to mentally steady himself as he felt his knees turning into mush beneath him.

A baby. She's having a baby.

He gulped, keenly aware that all the moisture in his mouth seemed to have evaporated. "I ... uh ... I think I need to sit down."

He lowered himself to the mattress and felt the gentle touch of Teyla's hand on his back as the shock-induced whiteout that was clouding his mind lifted, and a thousand thoughts flooded in at once. How had this happened?

Well ...

He may not be in the best frame of mind at the moment, but at least he knew the answer to that one. Head trauma notwithstanding, Baby-Making 101 was still firmly locked into place. Beyond that, though, he had nothing.

What did he know about taking care of a baby? For that matter, what did he know about being a dad? He knew what he didn't want to be, but he wasn't a widowed businessman with a nanny on the payroll. He was a soldier in the middle of a war zone. How was that any better? What right did he have bringing a kid into the kind of life he led? A life that constantly took him away from home and - as he'd been so recently and brutally reminded - could end in an instant.

God, he thought as harsh realization dawned on him. He never would've known. He could've died never knowing about the child he had fathered. And Teyla, he would've left her alone with a tiny, helpless ...

God.

"John ..." her voice called to him from the depths of his mind. She had come to rest across his back, her hands gently floating up and down the length of his arms. "Are you alright?"

Her head settled on his shoulder and he could see a glassy sheen working its way across her soft eyes. He was scaring her. He hadn't meant to do that. All he had done for the last week was scare her and it ate him like a cancer.

He reached for one of her hands. "I'm sorry, Teyla. I'm so sorry."

"Why? Why are you sorry, John?" she asked, truly not understanding what he could possibly be apologizing for.

"I didn't mean for any of this to happen." His eyes drifted away to stare down at the rumpled sheets. He couldn't even look her in the eyes anymore. "I'm sorry I got hurt. It's bad enough that I put you through that and now you have to worry about a baby, too. I should've been more careful."

Teyla pulled her hand away from his and reached upward. She lifted his stubble-covered chin and gently brought him up to face her. "John Sheppard, don't you dare apologize for giving me this child."

"I could've ..."

"You didn't. You are still here," she cut him off. "We have a chance to make a family together. There is nothing more precious than that."

His eyes narrowed. "What about the next time or the next or the one after that? It never ends, Teyla. There's always going to be something. And it ..." he paused, his fears strangling him, "What if next time, it's not me. What if it's you? What if ...?"

He didn't think his heart could cope if he lost her. Or their baby. How could he protect them both with so much danger always lurking? He couldn't even protect himself. And what about the things he couldn't fight, the things he couldn't hit or shoot or blow out of the sky? What if she miscarried again? Not even all of Dr. Keller's expertise and Atlantis' advanced technology could help her before. Why would this time be any different?

"How far along are you?" he heard himself ask.

"It is still very early, John."

"How far?"

"About three weeks."

"Last time ... Were you this sick last time?" He inwardly berated himself for not knowing. It was before they were together, but, as a friend, he should've known if she was sick and he hadn't noticed.

"I was," she confessed, "but it was not until much later."

"So what does that mean?"

"Dr. Lam has assured me that, so far, everything looks normal," she tried to assure him. "She says that every pregnancy is different. What occurs in one may not necessarily be true for another."

John nodded, soaking in the information. At least she'd been checked out already.

Teyla sat back against the headboard and sighed, showing the same signs of stress on her face that he felt in his. This should've been a happy moment for them. They were in love and they were having a baby. Most couples would have smiled, laughed, embraced, and enjoyed the moment. Then again, most couples didn't have the kinds of challenges they faced in front of them.

He looked at her and tried to picture the good things, the possibilities that didn't come entrenched in tragedy. To his astonishment, it came pretty easily. He could see Teyla with a sweaty brow and her hair disheveled, cradling a small bundle in her arms and smiling up at him. He could imagine her singing while she walked the baby up and down their quarters. John found himself wanting to wander the halls of Atlantis, to show his kid the best views and the coolest toys. He wondered if the baby would inherit the gene and be able to command the city the way he could. Maybe even better.

He tried to picture the baby's face, a combination of Teyla and him. At that, he failed miserably. All he could envision was a tiny pair of almond eyes in a face influenced only by her, and he was awestruck. He lowered his head, feeling a tightening in his chest. How could it be that, in just a few minutes, he'd gone from being frozen stiff at the idea of having a child to being terrified that he wouldn't?

John looked up at Teyla, the woman he loved more than life. She was trying not to call attention to it, but she had tears streaming down her face and he made a decision. It wasn't fair for him to lay all his worries on her right now. There would be time enough later to talk things out. She had been through enough to last two lifetimes and had had enough happy memories ripped away from her. He refused to be the reason this one was taken away, too.

He scooted further onto the bed toward her. His hand started at her knee and ran up her leg until it hit the silky material of her short nightgown.

"John ..." she started, but he silenced her with a look.

He slid the flimsy, lavender colored nightgown up. When it got stuck beneath her backside, she raised her hips so he could move it past her waist, revealing her flat, toned stomach. He gently laid his hand over the area where his baby rested and his thumb stroked Teyla's soft skin.

He said, "I don't want you to worry anymore. We're gonna make it through this. All of us."

Keeping his hand where it lay, he leaned over and kissed Teyla deeply, her tears wetting his face. She caressed his cheeks as his lips parted over hers.

After a few passionate sweeps, he freed his mouth, but didn't put completely away. His lips brushed her cheeks as he spoke into her ear. "We are going to have this baby and you are gonna be the most beautiful mother anyone's ever seen."

Teyla jingled with a soft laugh. "I love you, John."

With his face still pressed up against hers, he started to tremble and his hands tightened around her. "You don't know, Teyla. You don't know how much I love you. I don't think I could ever tell you."

"I know, John," she whispered, before she pulled him to her again. "I know."

"I'm not going to any more horror movies. Ever," Rodney complained. His stomach still didn't feel right. Unexpectedly unloading his dinner at the theater had completely ruined his night. "It must've been the hot dog. Movie theater hot dogs never work out well."

Mason pulled the SUV up to the curb and parked. "Or the burger, or the fries, or the tub of popcorn," he recited. "Or the Milk Duds, or the gallon of soda ..."

"You shouldn't eat so much before a blood bath. Things don't settle right," Ronon advised.

"Hmm. You'd know, I guess," Rodney grumbled.

The trio filed out of the car and entered the hotel.

"It wasn't blood," Mason said. "It was corn syrup."

Rodney grimaced as he felt his stomach turn. "Don't say ... syrup ... or anything else having to do with food."

Mason chuckled. "Look at that, Ronon. We've cured him."

"Won't last long," Ronon said with a grin.

It was a small place, but the rooms were nice enough. During John's stay in the hospital, the IOA, in their infinite cheapness, had only them gotten enough rooms for them to share. Dave had offered to pay for more, but the teammates, used to sharing sleeping space, decided it didn't make sense for everyone to have their own room when they weren't even really using them anyway. The majority of their time was spent at John's side. Mason wound up rooming with Dave, because he was deemed the one least likely to blow their big secret, leaving one for McKay and Ronon, and one for Teyla.

They ran into Dave in the navy blue carpeted hallway, carrying the little bucket from the room to the ice machine. "Hey, guys. How was it?" he asked.

"Messy," Rodney responded.

Dave asked curiously, "Ronon?"

"It was cool."

Mason grinned at Ronon's understatement. "It was awesome. Guns, monsters, explosions. He was like a kid in a candy store. That's another thing we should do while we're here. We've got to take you to a candy store. You wouldn't believe the things they come up with. They put scorpions in lollipops."

"What's a lollipop?"

While Dave was wondering how Ronon could've gotten through life without knowing what something as simple as a lollipop is, Rodney groaned again. "What did we say about the food talk?"

Dave invited the guys back to the room to watch the game recaps on TV and he wanted to hear more about their night. Ronon agreed readily enough, but Rodney was waffling about whether he should or not all the way down the hall to Dave's room. "I don't know. Maybe I should just take some antacids and hit the sack."

"Come on, McKay. Live a little," said Mason.

"No, you know what? I think I've done enough living for one evening. I'll, uh, just pop by and say goodnight to Sheppard and Teyla. I'll see you guys in the morning."

As he turned to go, Ronon grabbed him by the shoulders and forcibly spun him back around and into Mason and Dave's room.

"What are you doing?" Rodney asked.

Ronon shook his head. "I wouldn't."

"What? Why?"

"How long did you say you've been back?" Mason asked Dave.

"A few hours. Why?" Dave replied. He didn't know where the two soldiers were going with this either.

Mason turned back to Rodney. "Just trust us. You're better off here," he said, backing up Ronon.

"Is something wrong?"

Ronon flopped onto the bed and put up his feet. "Oh, I'm sure they're doing just fine," he stated suggestively.

Dave covered his eyes and shook his head as it sunk in what they were talking about. He didn't need that image.

Rodney was still clueless.

Mason exhaled. Here was one of the self-billed "greatest minds in the galaxy" and he was having to dumb things down for him. He played with the keys to the SUV, tossing them back and forth from hand to hand. "Think about it, McKay. It's first time they've been alone in ... how long?"

Rodney's brow furrowed and then it was like someone flipped a switch. "You don't think ..." he started. Then he went on, the pitch of his voice noticeably higher. "In the shape they're in? How would the mechanics of that even work?"

Mason shrugged. "Where there's a will, there's a way."

From the bed, Ronon said, "Don't think about it too much, McKay. You'll just hurt yourself."

"What happened in here?" John asked incredulously, unwittingly crumpling up the piece of paper he had in his hand.

Laying the wrong direction on the bed, Rodney yelled from under a pile of pillows. "They kidnapped me!" then he started mumbling, "... wanted to go to bed and then ... there was the beer ... a lot of beer ..."

John had gone to the other room first looking for a ride, but when neither McKay nor Ronon were there, he decided to check the other room. Capshaw let him in and appeared to be the only one that wasn't completely hungover. Of the two double beds in the room, Rodney was buried across one and Ronon was slung over the other with a lamp under his gargantuan arms. Dave was slumped in the doorway to the bathroom, nursing a glass of water.

"John, we need food," Dave said and then clutched his aching head.

"Have a hangover, do ya? Bet it's been a while since you've had one of those," John smiled smugly. "You just keep working on that water. We'll see about the food."

"We got a little carried away last night, sir," Mason tried to explain.

John nodded. "I can see that. And you don't need to call me sir. We're not on duty." The colonel crept over to where McKay's voice had breached the pillows and started pulling them off the bed.

"Don't ... don't do that ..." Rodney complained. When he was exposed to the open air again, he squinted up at John. "What do you want?"

"I need a lift. I've got a few things I need to pick up and I need someone to drive me."

"Why can't you just drive yourself?" Rodney asked.

"Head injury, Rodney. Remember? It's a no-no for me to drive and use heavy machinery."

"I'd drive you, Colonel, but I'm supposed to meet the physical therapist at the gym in twenty," Mason said. "Part of my med eval."

John nodded and gave him a quick apology. The only reason Capshaw was having to deal with all the official medical nonsense was because of him and he felt bad.

"John, I can drive," Dave said.

"You sure about that?" he asked skeptically.

"Yeah."

"Okay," he accepted. He shouted, "Ronon! Rodney! Get up!"

Ronon stirred and, realizing he was snuggled up to a part of the décor, shoved the lamp away. Rodney moaned at the noise level, "Was that really necessary?"

"Come on. I don't have all day and apparently we've got to squeeze in a food run," John barked, secretly enjoying torturing his friends in their weakened state.

"Can I at least take a shower first?" Rodney begged.

"I wouldn't take you any other way, McKay."

Ronon, being no stranger to playing through pain, was reasonably functional even though he'd been drinking the most. Earth beer was nothing compared the Ruus wine the Athosians made. The big Satedan snatched the paper out of John's hand. "What's this?"

"Shopping list."

Ronon raised his eyebrow, asking a silent question as he scanned down the list. John answered, "For Teyla."

"Oh. She needs more crackers already?"

John took the list back and started to squirm. He didn't know if they were telling people or not. He and Teyla hadn't really done much talking the rest of the night. "Yeah, she's not feeling too hot this morning and I figured it couldn't hurt to get some more."

Rodney had managed to get himself upright. "She's still sick? Maybe we should think about taking her back to the SGC. She could've brought some parasite or a superbug or something through the gate with her."

"What gate?" Dave asked, knowing full well he wasn't going to get an answer. He wasn't going to quit trying, though. His brother was right. He was stubborn, and someday he'd find out what was going on.

"Nevermind." John pointed a stern finger at Dave, then he returned his attention to McKay. "Lay off Teyla. She's not sick."

"But you just said ..."

"McKay," John warned.

"I'm being serious. We could have a real problem on our hands," Rodney protested, suddenly very passionate in the face of a potential epidemic. "The SGC needs to be notified. She may need to be quarantined. You know, I'm not feeling so well ..."

"Rodney!" John stopped him before he worked his way to bringing in hazmat teams. "Teyla's pregnant."

The hypochondriac's eyes went wide in shock along with most of the eyes in the room. But when John scanned around him, he found one pair suspiciously unmoved.

"Ronon ..."

The Satedan shrugged. "I know."

"How did you ...?" John said flustered. "You know ...! You could at least pretend you don't know everything before I do."

"I'm not good at pretending," Ronon stated, then added with a sly smile. "Do you want me to let you know when I find out if it's a boy or a girl?"

John picked up one of Rodney's cast off pillows and hurled it at him. While the warrior was laughing it off, McKay seemed to return to reality and the axis of his reality had just been knocked completely askew.

"You knocked up Teyla?"

"Geez, Rodney!" John cringed at the expression. "Could you possibly think of a worse way to put it?"

"She's pregnant? With a little ...?"

"That's usually how it works."

"So that explains all the, uh ..."

"Yes, and she'd appreciate it if you'd stop with the Germ-X every time you come near her."

"You can never be too careful," McKay defended himself. "A lesson you should've learned by now."

"Give me a break, McKay."

"John," Dave said from his side. He had moved from his private corner of the room. John turned around. He looked at Dave and the serious expression he wore. He, all of a sudden, felt like a teenager in trouble facing his father. Dave's resemblance to their father wasn't just in his lifestyle, he also shared Patrick Sheppard's mannerisms and striking looks. John stood up straight and waited for the lecture that he was sure was coming.

Then, Dave threw his arms around his shoulders and gave him a hug, throwing John off his guard. With a pat on the back, the elder Sheppard said, "I'm really happy for you. You're gonna make a great dad."

John gave him a quick, awkward pat in return. "Thanks ... I hope so."

He circled back around to Mason, who was still leaning against the front door. "You have anything you want to say?"

The marine just said, "Congratulations, sir. I don't think you could've picked anyone better."

Surprised, John shook Mason's hand when it was offered. He'd figured, out of all them, Capshaw would've been the one to balk the most. He and Teyla hadn't exactly hit it off. Again, he wished he knew what had happened on that last mission, because something had definitely changed.

"Okay ..." he said with a shake of the head. "You're all freaking me out a little. Why don't we see if they've got a continental breakfast or something in the lobby?"

He shuffled everybody out the door.

It was hours later when he finally went back through his own room door again. With a couple of plastic grocery bags dangling from his wrist, he said, "Teyla, I've decided. Bring on the baby. Nothing could possibly be harder than what I just did."

She slowly shuffled over to shut the door behind him as he walked to the circular table in the corner, near the air conditioner. "What is that?" she asked with the tired, used up bearing that he had learned to expect when she'd spent the morning in the bathroom.

"Babysitting. I think I'm gonna need a leave from my leave."

When he lifted the bags up to put them down, he let out a hiss and his arm instinctively dropped to cover his side. The bags fell to the floor, spilling bottled water, a few boxes of crackers, a new hairbrush and razor, an astronomy reference book, and a case of popcorn destined for his quarters in Atlantis.

"Are you alright, John?"

"Yeah," he said through gritted teeth. "Ronon just got a little carried away earlier." Standing stiffly while the stinging subsided, he lifted the bottom of his shirt. "Take a look, would you?"

Teyla reached for his bandage and gingerly pulled the tape down, careful not to cause him more pain. On the inner lining, besides the usual residue left over from the healing wound, there were a few streaks of bright red blood. "You have broken some of your stitches," she declared.

"Damn," he said. "Thought so."

She frowned. "They should not be so rough with you. You are still recovering." She nudged him toward the bed until the backs of his legs hit the mattress and he sat down.

"It's okay. It was an accident," he said, watching her grabbing a fresh bandage for him. "You should've seen Dave, though. Seems like they actually managed to get some of the starch out of that stiff shirt of his."

Teyla peeled the rest of the used bandage off his skin and got the new one ready to go. "John, I am not entirely certain what that means, but you do your brother a disservice sometimes with the things you say. He has been very kind to all of us and he deserves more credit than you give him."

Getting a scolding from Teyla made him instantly feel like an ass and he replied sheepishly, "I know that. Things have actually been pretty good between us lately. If this had happened a year ago, I don't know that he would've come."

"Of course, he would have. He is your brother. No matter your differences, he cares for you," she said. With a stern look, she added, "And you care for him, too."

She looked down again to concentrate on the finishing touches to his side. When she secured the final side with the medical tape and gently pat it down, he caught her eye and gave her cheek a loving swipe with his index finger. "You know, you're pretty good at this stuff."

When the corners of her mouth turned upward, he went on. "I was thinking. When we get back home, we're gonna need more space, right? I don't think we could fit a baby into my quarters unless you don't mind letting him sleep in a drawer, and your room isn't that much bigger. Maybe we should start looking for a bigger place. Together."

Her smile grew, but she didn't want to appear too eager. "I think that would be the prudent thing to do."

"Prudent, huh?" he said, not buying her act.

"It would be nice."

"Nice?" He smiled teasingly. "Come on, Teyla. Move in with me."

She rolled her eyes, tiring of the game. "I would love to, John. Does it make you so happy to hear me say it?"

He grinned, his victory complete. "Absolutely."

Ronon and Mason packed the team's duffel bags into the back of the SUV. The Daedalus was breaking orbit in a few hours and the time had come to report to Cheyenne Mountain for their final checks with Dr. Lam before starting their return voyage home.

Teyla was standing next to the car talking with Dave, while John and Rodney marched down the hallway, bringing the last of their gear from the hotel rooms.

"You put it in there right?" John asked him.

"Yeah. It's all sitting on the bed. He'll get it when he goes in to pack up," Rodney confirmed for the third time. "Why can't you just tell him? Don't you think he deserves to know?"

"I do, and I'd tell him everything if I could, McKay, but I'm not allowed to. This isn't like it was with your sister. She's an asset who can bring something to table. Atlantis' business practices are pretty well taken care of, though, so ..."

"He signed the forms."

"He signed some of the forms. He can't talk about what he saw. That doesn't give him permission to get the full Encyclopedia Britannica on the Stargate Program."

Rodney's mouth turned sideways. "You don't think this is gonna be giving him too much information?"

"I didn't actually say anything to him, did I?" John replied. "Whatever conclusions he draws from it are strictly conjecture and I have no control over that, do I?"

"I hate it when you start using legal jargon. It always leads to trouble."

"Whatever gets the job done, McKay."

They pushed through the exit doors and Rodney took the remaining bags from John and left him to say his goodbyes. Teyla was already way ahead of him.

"I am grateful I had the opportunity to get to know you better," she said to Dave. "I do hope that the next time will be a happier occasion."

Dave heartily agreed. "I'm sure it will be. Though I guess with how often John gets leave, next time I may be getting introduced to my little niece or nephew."

Teyla smiled graciously, realizing that he was most likely correct. "It will be a wonderful day."

She still harbored reservations about anyone knowing about the baby at this stage. Her fears about the pregnancy suddenly ending were still at the forefront of her mind. But the people who knew were the people she was closest to in life. They were a part of her family, and if she was to share this time with anyone, it should be them. Even David, whom she had only known a short time. Through this child, they were blood and bonded together.

Dave pulled her into a tight embrace and pecked her cheek. "Don't stay away too long, Teyla," he said.

From behind them, John teased, "Hey, take it easy, Dave. I'd hate to have to hit you for getting too friendly with my girl."

Teyla smiled at the joke. "You need not concern yourself, John. I am perfectly capable of defending my own honor."

To Dave, John said seriously, "She's not kidding. She could kick my ass and yours without breaking a sweat."

"Really?"

"Yep."

"Even with her bum knee?"

"Crutches are just another weapon, Dave."

His brother laughed. "You know, somehow that doesn't surprise me."

John took Teyla's hand and helped her into the backseat of the car, where the rest of the team had already piled in and were ready to leave.

He hated goodbyes in general and he had never figured out how to say it to his brother. He was used to disappearing. It was easy, simple, clean. No emotional strings. Just the way they both liked it.

John held out his hand. "It was good seeing you, Dave."

"Likewise," his big brother answered, taking the offered hand and shaking it. "You take better care of yourself, okay?"

"I'll do what I can," John promised with a smirk.

"And try to come home every once in a while."

"Yes, Mom. I'll call every Sunday."

"Smart ass."

John slid on his sunglasses and slipped into the car next to Teyla. Dave shut the door for him. Mason turned the keys and the engine of the black SUV purred.

With one last wave, Dave said, "Bye, John."

"I'll see you later," he replied.

It was time to get back to his life. Dave could already see the pile of papers stacked on his desk waiting for him to go over and another pile of things needing his signature. He'd kept in touch with his assistant and the balls he spent years juggling were actually still in the air, despite his absence. It made him seriously start to consider scaling back his day-to-day commitments at work and maybe start to bring more balance in his life.

Dave swiped the card to his room. With John gone, there was no point in staying. He had a flight to catch.

Sitting on his bed was a large cardboard box. What the hell?

There was a small white envelope resting on top. Dave picked it up and skimmed his thumb along the crease, ripping the paper. The only thing inside was a small slip of paper with John's handwriting on it. At the top of the note were a series of numbers that appeared to be coordinates, but they weren't like any set of coordinates he'd ever seen or learned about in geography.

You wanted to know where I worked. I'll be in touch soon. Thanks for coming, Dave.

John

"Huh ..." Dave said to himself with a smile. Eager to find out what John had finally decided he could know, he set the note on the bedside table, picked up his keys, and looked for the best way to open the big box. Lifting it up, he used the jagged edge of one of the keys to cut through the thick tape sealing it shut.

He pulled open the brown lid and pushed aside the packing material inside. It was a telescope. High end too, from the looks of it. John hadn't pinched any pennies picking this thing out. Stuffed between the styrofoam packaging protecting its cargo was an astronomy reference book.

"What are you up to, John?"

He flipped through the pages and found one had been dog-eared. He opened the page and pulled back the sad little flap. With a big red marker, under a photo taken from a camera on a long-range satellite, John had circled the chapter title, "The Pegasus Galaxy" and written in the margin. "This chapter is a good read. I highly recommend it. And, yes, I'm serious."

"Oh my God," he muttered, rubbing his temples. He sank onto the bed, getting the now familiar pressure in the front of his head. Outer space? Another galaxy?

The code name Pegasus, the magical healing device, the three weeks of travel time, all started to actually make sense and he found it highly disturbing that it did.

"You secretive bastard," Dave mumbled to himself. "Damn right, you're gonna be in touch and you're gonna start talking."