Part 25 – The rating had to go up as a precaution. By the way.
Her hands twined through my hair; fingers scratching the sensitive skin with perfection. She massaged slowly as I closed my eyes, growling deeply with the stimulation. I was losing myself, something that was alarming for me; but, I didn't stop it. I didn't want it to stop. She shifted so she was sitting back on her knees, one of her slender legs placed precariously between my own, straddling my thigh. She dropped her hands onto my shoulders as I grazed my teeth along her neck, stopping just below her ear. I felt her shudder as I nipped gently at the skin, her hands balling into fists. I started my own assault on her senses, dominating the situation. My hands gripped the back of her thighs sensually high as I removed her leg from between mine, pushing it to my other side. She straddled me as I pulled her higher on my lap, my hands twitching with need. My lips found the sensitive spot on her neck where her blood flows and she arched willingly, a welcome gesture of submission. I could feel her heart beat beneath the flawless skin as she tried to suppress a sigh and I could feel her face and neck heat up with embarrassment. I backed off her, my own craving stealing away my sanity; my common sense. I took a deep breath, my hands hovering desirably over her warm skin.
"Kagome, do you want me to stop?" My voice was heavy and deep, saturated with desire as I whispered into her ear.
"No." She shook her head; voice barely a whisper, but she seemed to be in disagreement with herself. The subtle nervous looks, the shake in her voice, they were uncharacteristic of this strong woman; always so sure of herself. She was not ready for this. She was scared? Perhaps apprehensive or anxious? It doesn't matter; her mind and body were not one. Where I knew what I wanted, she did not, and it was not my place to push it on her.
I gave a small twitch of my lip as I lifted her chin with a single finger. I could hear her heart speed up, could see the anticipation in her eyes. I would grant myself one step toward my desire, and force myself to suffer and wait for her to choose the next. Her lips parted as I leaned in, an invitation to keep going. I grazed her gently, urging her to open more. She obliged and I deepened the kiss. Our dance of tongues was not to be matched and our passion was not something one could fake. It was real; this was real. I ran my hands through her hair, trying to somehow bring her closer to me than she already was. When at last she could not breathe, she pulled away; her cheeks dusty red as she broke our eye contact.
"You do not yet know what you want. I will wait, Kagome. I will wait." I smoothly rolled her off me and wrapped my arm around her for warmth. I focused on pacing my breathing, slowing my heart, and calming myself. 'Kagome. Oh what you do to me.'
X***X
My sleep was really not sleep at all, more of a trance induced by my deprived state; a state of mental and internal reparation. With my demon blood at full heat it was necessary to preserve my strength, calm my nerves and steady my beast inside. It was, however, surprising to realize my body shut itself down. It's been years since I was pushed to this point; this amount of rest has never been a necessity. I could still sense my surroundings, my nose and other senses working at full capacity, seeing things my eyes did not; in other words, I could still protect my… Family? Is this my family now? What an odd prospect. My family is nothing more than a human girl, a small half demon child, and an imp. Nothing more, but nothing less either. I learned that the hard way; they're nothing less than what they are.
My dreams were not dreams, but thousands of years' worth of memories compiled and played in no particular order. I ignored most of it as it was just trivial drivel; days spent honing my abilities, my superior abilities at that. Flying through the air, the grim form of amusement and soulful peace that gave me was a predominant factor in my younger years; helped shape me. My transformation; the first time and every thereafter. The sparing with mother as she taught me how to dodge, defend and attack in my super form. Now, the tickle of the less dominant state has always impressed me. It was stronger, it was larger, though not as much as my humanoid form; it was agile and quick. I was always there, watching through the eyes, and as I got better control; I could control what needed to be done. By allowing my mind to quiet and allow pure instinct to take over; the thoughts didn't get in the way. Kill, protect, save. It was a transformation of pure emotion, something I used few times. It was a transformation of self-preservation; a last resort of agitation. I had no need for the help of such a reckless, emotion driven state. Kill, protect… Save.
It was ultimately my mother who formally taught me the basics of what I know; what I could accomplish and what I 'couldn't'. I achieved every single thing on her list, plus some she never dreamed I could. She was, in my life, no longer needed; I was her superior, and still am. I surpassed her through pure talent, my weaknesses ten times stronger than her strengths. She was just too sidetracked to see, and when she finally saw me for who I'd become, it was too late. And by that time, I was too proud, too arrogant to see she had more to offer. That was the end of my training.
I remembered many days and nights spent prowling the Western countryside, one demon in mind. I would fight him, and the battle would be one sided, but he would still win. Why wouldn't he fight back? Was his belief in my powers so faint he wouldn't attack me? Was the faith he had in me so dead? Was my mother's training so 'useless' he didn't believe I could win, or was my age the tipping point? I was quite young to have sought him out, but he seemed to expect me to come. No doubt he knew I was nearing his realm before I knew what my intentions were in the first place, but that is of no matter now. It doesn't matter, not really, but here, in this lucid state, everything was more important; every detail, every word, every blade of grass in every memory. He betrayed us, he left us, me, his own kind to take one of those weaker forms; weaker in every aspect. And to mingle my blood with a human. It was disgraceful and the equivalent to spitting on our Daiyokai bloodline. At least, that was what I concluded from my mother's many speeches, rambles. Mother was not fond of humans, of course, she was not really fond of anything. She preferred to tease, to joke, to taunt; no doubt that's why I surpassed her as quickly as I did. Her humor was dark, and her intentions and choices were flawed in many respects and mostly erratic. She would never understand love, and I didn't think I would either, having grown up in her shadow of sarcasm, but, Father. You really left your mark on me that day. You undid a century of teachings and witty remarks, and I do thank you for that. You pushed me off a dark and albeit lonely path; a path I would almost rather have taken some days. But, looking down at the woman in my arms, at the brother across the fire. I'm glad I didn't.
'Do you have someone to protect.'
X***X
Time started to meld together. Hours became days and days became weeks. With my new pack, I could not remember the days before this; when it was quiet and it was just me. Those were so long ago, long before I would even think of expanding my group to encompass the beings I currently cared for. No matter; what's done is done. They are mine now.
X*****X
I was nervous to walk next to Sesshomaru, and to be honest a little embarrassed. The last few weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions; denial, anger, sadness, acceptance, and on both sides, not just mine. He seemed content enough with my presence, as though our very relationship hadn't evolved; as though nothing has changed. We are closer than I have ever been with another being, and… And, I feel like I should feel special about it; like I should feel some supernatural way about him, and him me. I don't, and I don't know what to think anymore. Is it the same for him? Is he closer to me than he has ever been with another being? He is, as I've come to know, a lot older than he appears, so it would be silly to think I am his first. But… I don't know. It is the simple questions, the doubts and wonders that ruined many of the relationships back in my own time; these human feelings. I just had to… I had to trust, that what I was feeling was mutual. That this was, in fact, real and meaningful.
'I trust you Sesshomaru. I trust that you will wait for me; but will you leave me when you get me?'
X***X
The sun was strong, the air getting hotter as the morning dew evaporated. I took momentary glances at Sesshomaru as we walked, his emotionless mask flawless as ever. I alternated between toying with the cuff of my sleeve and the hem of my skirt as I tried to think of something, anything to say. Before I could, he stopped and raised his arm. I nearly ran into him as he proclaimed, "We will rest here."
Jaken and Inuyasha instantly fanned out, one in search of shade, the other for trouble. I stood like a monument, unsure of what was happening. 'Sesshomaru has never just, stopped walking for the sake of rest. And only a few hours into the day at that.'
"Is something wrong?"
He turned to me, his eyes a blaze. He stepped one large step towards me, the tips of his shoes flush with mine. He spoke naught; just bore into me with his eyes, his deep, rich, golden eyes.
"Sesshomaru? Sesshomaru..."
"Why have you not spoken? It is… Unlike you. Did I do something to offend?"
I dropped my mouth open, my face crinkling with hurt. 'He's been suffering this whole time?'
"No, no Sesshomaru. I didn't…" I sighed, nervous. "I wasn't sure, what to say. I thought you were mad when we stopped… You know, because I was not… Am not ready." I cursed as my face started to flush an apple, rose color.
"I told you Kagome. I will wait for you. You could not possibly anger me by choosing not to do something you aren't ready for. Humans are a lot more complicated in how they think than demons. I have learned that through Inuyasha, and the many, many human villages we have passed by. You are whimsy, stubborn and easily frightened creatures. Humans. I will never understand them, but, I want to understand you. "
I stepped forward and embraced him hard, a small huff escaping his lips as the air rushed out of his lungs. "I'm sorry. I am scared, that's all. I don't… I'm just. I don't want to get hurt."
"Hurt. I would never hurt you, Kagome, I will protect you." He looked at me genuinely. He has never experienced anguish? Pain of the chest, heart? Of course he hasn't, he does the heartbreaking.
"No. You can't protect someone from this hurt, Sesshomaru. Heartbreak."
X*****X
Did I tease anyone with that beginning or what? I'm just uncomfortable writing a deeper love scene right now, and to force it would make it awkward, especially in their current relationship standing (They're not ready!)... I enjoyed giving tiny tidbits of Sesshomaru's past. I also want to create more in later Chapters so we can all have a glimpse into Sesshomaru's past; how I imagine he lived. Also, note that nowhere in the show does it say his father has a castle or lands or riches so I am introducing the idea of him growing up like other demons would. In all the stories I read he is always rich, a jerk, a noble and powerful (Obviously) and irresistible. So I want to try a new idea in a few of those aspects.
I also feel like this should end soon. I don't want to run it on. It feels like one of those stories that loses interest but I don't know how or if I can just stop it. I don't like abandoning things I've worked so hard on. I can't say for sure because it's my writing. I will always judge it more harshly, or not harshly enough so I'm probably just being dramatic. Ciao Ciao all! *Dramatic hand flair as I leave the room*