"The Avalanche Has Already Started."
Disclaimer – I still own nothing but a large amount of debt and a severe lack of talent, (apparently severely more severe than I've led myself to believe!). Certainly nothing to do with Skins, (shame).
Authors Note – This one's for Mari, for always believing and for Ladyhawk1709 for allowing me the honour of using her review of Ch18 to give Effy one of her best lines in this miserable little tale back in the last chapter.
Enjoy ladies, you rock, thank you.
The rest of you can enjoy it as well if you like, though you don't have to…it's not compulsory...actually...YES IT IS, ENJOY IT DAMMIT!
Sorry, it's the strain...I'll be ok after I manage to sleep (-;
Chapter 25 – Sleeping Beauty
Emily
'You can do this Emily'
I close my eyes and let out a long breath as I knock, once again, on the door to Kieran and Gina's flat. It's ten past nine and I've been up since six rehearsing the lines that have been running through my head all night, destroying my chances of a proper sleep.
I've said the same, carefully thought out words over and over until I'm line perfect. Everything I need to say is there, everything I need to win her back, to convince her that we can be together if we just try.
I open my eyes as the door is opened and a familiar blonde head appears.
"Emily love, it's good to see you. Come on in."
Before I know it she's grabbed my hand, dragged me into the hallway and wrapped me in a hug.
"I take it you're not here to visit me and Mr Grumpy in there?"
I shake my head, "As much as I love seeing you Gina, no. I'm sorry, Naomi's the person I came here to see today."
"She was still a bit groggy last night dear; I looked in on her when I got up and she was fast asleep. Can you wait for a bit? She's supposed to be resting and I don't want to wake her; it's better if she wakes naturally. I'm due to check on her again in about ten minutes. Is that ok?"
I can't help but smile, it's funny really. Naomi never, ever, mentioned her mum being this, well 'nursey.' She must be absolutely hating it. The last time she was ill and I stayed over to look after her she ended up yelling at me for 'fussing'. She apologised almost immediately I have to admit, "I don't do ill Ems," was her excuse for the temper tantrum. Though for someone that 'doesn't do ill' she was actually a terribly demanding patient.
Though I do wonder if that was just an excuse to have me cuddle up in bed with her and mop her brow.
"I can wait Gina; I don't want to wake her either. Should I stay here and guard the front door or do I need to make sure the windows in her room are locked first?"
She simply gave me a quizzical look. "In case she tries to escape when she hears my voice."
She chuckled, "Well the windows in there are open at the moment love, so I think you'll just have to be quiet if you don't want her to run. Can you be quiet Emily dear?"
"Oh yeah, I can be as quiet as a dormouse Gina." My lips switch at the memory, 'usually when I'm asleep'.
"Really?" even in her low voice the surprise was obvious.
"Well now love I'm sure that I still have some memories of the old house that, well, shall we say dispute that claim Emily dear."
"Gina!" I splutter, now totally embarrassed.
"Shhhh Emily, you'll wake her." Smiling at my blushes she led me through into the small living room where Kieran was stood on the tiny balcony smoking.
"Oh, hello Miss Fitch, cup of tea perhaps?"
I nod, "Thanks Kieran."
"No problem at all little missy."
He flicked his cigarette over the balcony edge and wandered into the kitchen. Soon I could hear the clinking of cups and the sound of a kettle boiling. I sat in silence on Kieran's, somewhat dilapidated sofa.
"Good memories then love?"
I blink from my little trance and stare at her smiling face. I can see the similarities with my Nai, they're not the same. Naomi must take after her dad in many ways I'll never know, but Gina has definitely left her imprint on her daughter; their mannerisms are so similar sometimes it's scary.
"That obvious?"
She nodded across the room where Kieran now sat sipping at his cup. I looked down to see a cup of tea in front of me.
"You were totally gone for a while there dear, grinning like a loon and not paying a blind bit of attention to anyone. Thinking back to the old house were you?"
She smiled as I blushed; I knew what she was doing; trying to assuage my nerves. 'Fat chance of that.'
"I take it you're here to talk things out?"
I nodded, picking up the hot tea and taking a sip.
"Well she's not to get excited. The Doctor says that she needs rest."
She held up her hand at my attempt to interrupt. "Please Emily, just be gentle with her. Katherine's little visit wasn't well received by the nurses on the ward and her Doctor told me that it shouldn't be repeated."
"Don't worry Gina, I'm not here to shout at her. I'm here to talk with her, that's all."
'Wouldn't Effy be proud of me for that little speech? Shame it's a lie, if she won't talk to me I will talk at her, it's what makes up part two of my plan.'
She smiled at me and got up from her chair, "Wait there and drink your tea love, I'll just go and see how she is."
She walked away from me and into the short hallway, ducking into the spare room. It doesn't seem that long since she pushed me into that room and I'd lain in that bed, hugging a pillow, hoping against hope that Naomi would come home.
I stood up, leaving my tea on the table practically untouched. I followed her path down the hallway and slipped into the room as quietly as I could. I stood watching as she picked up a piece of paper and left two tablets on the nightstand next to a glass of water. My eyes watered as I noticed my envelope and iPod next to the glass, the headphones no longer wrapped around it, the letter lying neatly folded next to it. She'd obviously found my message. I hoped that what I saw meant she'd read it, listened to it...understood it.
Gina pocketed the loose paper, pulled up the duvet and tucked Naomi up in bed as if it were the most natural thing in the world for her to do to her fiercely independent teenage daughter.
"Is...is she ok?" I whispered.
Gina turned rapidly to face me, "Jesus Emily, you scared the shit out of me, "she whispered back. "I thought you were going to wait in there."
I shook my head, "I needed to see her Gina. I'm sorry but I needed to make sure she was ok."
I sat down in the small chair in the corner of the room, carefully folding Naomi's black jacket that had been rather casually thrown across it; absently noting the scrapes and rips on the sleeves.
"I'm going to wait here. I want to be here when she wakes up this time. Don't worry. I promise I'll be quiet, I won't wake her."
She smiled her goofy little smile at me, the one her daughter sometimes unconsciously mimics, and nodded. Bless her, she understood. Carefully she turned back to the bed, double checked that Naomi was tucked up tightly in the duvet and then left the room.
She was back a few minutes later with another cup of tea and a plateful of toast.
"There you go dear," she said into my ear. "I assume you've not had breakfast and I seem to remember you don't like muesli. He's not burnt it that badly for a change but don't feel you have to eat it. Come and get me if you two need anything, ok?"
"I will, thanks mum."
'shit...did I...did I just fucking do that?'
Gina just looked at me as I feel my cheeks bust into flames and I do my best to sink into the chair and fucking vanish.
What on earth made me say that to her?
I watch as she places the plate and drink on the floor. I'm convinced she's going to throw me out of the flat for my presumption, especially after all that's happened between me and Naomi. Then seconds later I'm enveloped in a hug.
'Thank fuck for that, she's not angry at me.'
"Emily dear," she whispered with a slight catch in her voice, "don't be embarrassed. I couldn't love you any more if you were my daughter. You practically are anyway. Ever since that first morning I met you I hoped you were going to be a part of our little family; hoped that Naomi had finally given in to her feelings.
I can't wait for you two to be happy again, because you do make her happy Emily, you really do."
I could feel the tears on her cheeks as she whispered to me. I'm wrapped in Campbell family love and it's a wonderful feeling, but for me it's the wrong Campbell wrapping me up in a warm embrace. But I plan to put that right today.
After a few seconds Gina releases me and wipes her eyes.
"I'm a soft sod sometimes; you'll have to excuse me." She bent down to pick up the items of she came in with and offered them up to me again.
"Here you are love, eat up if you can."
I took the plate and smiled my thanks as she turned to leave, my eyes turning back to regard the blonde lying in the bed.
"Oh and Emily dear, you can call me 'mum' anytime you want. In fact I'd consider it a compliment if you did."
o+o+o
I munched as quietly as I could on the granary loaf that Kieran had obviously toasted with a flamethrower. I didn't really care I was starving. I'd left ours this morning without breakfast and rushed over here to see her; that and the fact that the smell of toast, no matter how charred, always makes me hungry.
Happily chewing away on the crispy bread I waited for sleeping beauty to wake, all the time having to restrain myself from walking over to the bed and waking her in the traditional 'Sleeping Beauty' way.
o+o+o
Thinking back as I wait for her to wake. I realise that I've never really seen Naomi wake up, for some reason she always seems to wake before me. I tend to find her either gone, or just lying there watching me.
In fact I think I can count the number of times I've woken up to find her still asleep on one hand, maybe two. Yeah, two at a push.
Most of the time when I've managed it I've snuck out to visit the bathroom, or to make us breakfast in bed. But she's always been awake when I get back.
"It's my Fitchdar," she'd joked over beans on toast one morning when I'd mentioned her unnatural skill.
"As soon as you leave me it goes off and I'm awake. I've set it to very sensitive so you can't get far away from me without me knowing."
"What do you do when I go home babe?" I'd asked, "I'm far away from you then."
She'd just looked at me with sad and serious eyes.
"Sulk and try to ignore it Ems. What else can I do?"
Sometimes she was so sweet she was just edible; especially when she said things like that without even thinking about it. Little things, beautiful things, straight from the heart.
o+o+o
With nothing better, or more enjoyable to do; I sit here, eat my now cold toast and just study her face. She's always embarrassed when I tell her she's beautiful. She always puts it down to me being "blinded by lust." But she is. She's really fucking beautiful.
That's how I think of her, how I've always thought of her, how I'd introduced even the idea of her to my parents; even though I was furious at her at the time.
"Her name's Naomi, she's rather beautiful."
I would get that phrase printed on a T-Shirt and wear it every day, get a plane to tow it across the skies on a banner and get it tattooed across my body if it would help convince her that's exactly what she is...
Rather beautiful.
Rather more than beautiful actually.
Even now, as she sleeps with her mouth slightly open and that adorably dorky look on her face, she looks gorgeous. Really, I don't think I will ever get tired of just looking at her.
Lying there with not a scrap of makeup, a bandage covering her hair and the goofiest sleep face I think I've ever seen, she is absolutely stunning; and all I want to do is stare and stare and memorise every line of her face just one more time. Memorise it all for no other reason than because in my eyes she is, rather beautiful, and I can't help myself.
'Why can't she just accept that?'
o+o+o
The seconds turn to minutes and the minutes turn into hours. I've eaten the toast and drunk my tea and I'm sat here on this rickety and uncomfortable chair simply happy and content that I'm near her again. She's been moving a lot in her sleep, wriggling about and pulling faces as she dreams. Every single expression makes my heart pound. I can't believe she's only been out of my life for a few days and I feel like this, can't believe that I actually thought, at any stage of my anger, that I could give her up.
It's funny the things you forget to remember sometimes. It's sad the way it takes a tragedy like this to make you remember them at all.
'Hold it together Emily, hold it together!'
I risk a glance at the clock by the bed.
'Jesus it's twenty to eleven and she's still not awake.'
For a few moments I have myself a minor panic attack. For one stupid second I manage to convince myself that she's died in her sleep; then I see her twitch once again and hear the rhythmic sound of her breathing, 'thank fuck for that.'
Still irrationally gripped by paranoia another thought flashes through my mind. What if she's gone into a coma in her sleep? People do that don't they? They have a head injury, seem fine go home and then just collapse and end up in a coma. Is that what's happened to her, is that why she's not awake yet?
'Fucks sake Emily, pull yourself together, she's just fucking sleeping ok?'
With that Katie-like bollocking delivered to my terrified mind, I managed to slow my breathing and still my racing heart.
It's not still for long as I open my eyes and realise she's rolled over and reached for the tablets on the nightstand.
'Thank fuck she's awake, thank fuck she's all right.'
Slowly and carefully I stand up from the chair and, ignoring the burning pain in my calves, stand at the foot of the bed and wait for her to notice me.
I watch as she grabs the water and winces in pain as she rolls back and takes a sip. Involuntarily my fingers reach out for her, my body reacting instinctively to the pain I see etched on her face. One sip and one loud sigh later, her eyes have opened and she's looking right at me. Those perfect blue orbs looking more focussed than the last time she had stared at me, less than twenty four hours ago, standing at the foot of a totally different bed.
As she stared at me I waited, building up my courage; preparing myself to deliver my little speech about how much I loved her and how good we were together. Then with a husky croak she said one simple word...
"Emily"
...and all of my pretty words, my carefully prepared lines, go fluttering out of my head like a flock of starlings, leaving me with absolutely nothing in my mind but her eyes. As I stare into those beautiful, pain filled eyes I decide it's time to talk; but this time talk from my heart, forget about speeches and just tell her what I'm feeling. I know that I can't let her continue talking, can't let her tell me to fuck off again. This time it's my turn to say sorry.
"Naomi, shut up, you've had your chance, now it's my turn to fucking talk."
'Not the best start Emily, not the best start at all, relax hun you can do this.'
I take a quick deep breath and start again.
"Look, Nai, I know you don't want to talk to me, ok? But I really need to talk to you. I tried to write it all down, but it just doesn't work for me. I just can't do this without actually seeing you ok? I need to know that I've done this the right way. So you'll just have to lie there and accept the fact that I am not going away until I say all of this, properly, to your face.
This is really fucking awful you know? I hate myself at the moment because I'm feeling like a total twat. I can't believe what I did to you the other night, I can't believe I brought her up like I did; it was a shitty thing to do and I only did it because I was angry.
I was hurt and I was frustrated and I was angry and I spent hours on the sofa just making things worse by winding myself up about the whole stupid row; rather than making it better by having you talk to me about it. That's not an excuse, I was an arsehole and I know it.
I can't believe I hit you either, and the worst of it is I've got no excuse for that at all either. Except for the fact that I'm nothing more than a fucking coward and I couldn't face the fact that you were telling me the truth; nothing but the truth, nothing more than I deserved. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself for that blow, that fucking act of cowardice as long as I live.
You were right about me in so many ways; it made me realise how terribly I've treated you over the years. I pushed you, and then judged you for not being what I wanted you to be. I pushed and pushed until you gave in to me and then I held on so much I terrified you and somewhere in the middle of all our dancing around I cheated on you.
I understand now, I'm sure I do. Listening to your music, reading your note, thinking about all the things you'd said made me realise that all the time I was punishing you, you deserved to be punishing me. It made me realise that I was as much to blame for fucking everything up as you, if not more so.
Most of all it made me realise that I'm an utter twat because all I wanted at that moment was to say how sorry I was and instead I let you leave, I should have chased you down that road, stopped you walking away, made you understand that there is nothing between me and Effy but friendship. That I have not and would not cheat on you with her or anyone else, not anymore, not since that night; but it was all too fucking much. You'd told me the truth about what I'd done and I'm sorry babe; sorry that I couldn't face you after the way you looked at me.
I looked into your eyes and I knew that you hated me Nai, and I think it was the single worst thing that's ever happened to me in my whole fucking life. I was scared of what that look meant and I couldn't face you knowing that you hated me right then.
We're fucked up babe, totally fucked up. We can't just allow ourselves to just be happy together can we? Because that's what I thought we were, I thought we were totally happy together, thought it because I was.
Until that fucking night I was completely, totally, stupidly, ecstatically fucking happy. I can't tell you how good I felt because we were back together, and even with all the pain that was going on around us I knew you were there with me. You being there gave me the strength to deal with Katie, with Effy, with everything that they entailed. I knew I could handle it all because you were there and you loved me and that's all that mattered.
I was so happy I couldn't believe that I nearly gave up everything we have, have always had…and I won't believe that you would do the same.
You keep telling me it's over Nai but I don't think it is, I don't think we'll ever be over, I can't accept that. I love you and I know you love me back. You stood in front of everyone in that shitty fucking shed and told me how much you love me and it's something I'll never, ever, forget. It was the one thing I'd dreamt of you doing since I was fifteen, when I finally spoke to the gorgeous blonde that didn't know I existed. All I ever wanted you to do was tell me you loved me and mean it. All I want you to do now is accept that I feel the same way about you."
I closed my eyes and took a breath, dragging back a memory to share, one that might be able to explain what I meant.
"I was fourteen when I first really noticed you, it was a Tuesday in mid-May and we were all outside for morning break. I remember that they were cutting the grass on the school fields, the boys were playing football on the yard and you were sat on a wall by the kitchens all on your own. Katie and her mates were picking on you for reading a book in the playground and you just stood up, scowled at her and walked away. It was the first time I'd seen anyone just totally dismiss her and I thought it was the bravest, coolest and most wonderful thing I'd ever seen.
She was fucking devastated because you'd done the worst thing you could do to her; you'd ignored her, treated her like she was something stuck to the sole of your shoe.
You humiliated her in front of her friends and I don't think she ever forgave you. I loved it though, loved how you treated her. I loved the way you ignored the fact that she was the popular one in school and did your own thing no matter the consequences.
I really wanted to get to know you then, but Katie always got in the way."
I smiled ruefully.
"I guess some things never change.
I watched you from that moment on, sometimes I felt like a fucking stalker. I watched you walk into school in the morning and go home at night; I knew where you lived and how weird your home life was.
I laughed every time you put someone down with that sarcasm you wield like a knife; I hurt every time someone upset you and I cried every time you walked past me without saying a word, without even looking at me. My heart swelled every time I caught a glance of you, whenever we made eye contact; and it shattered when you would quickly look away; dismissing me like you dismissed Katie.
I loved you and hated you because that's how we were, how we still are. We're hot and cold babe, totally different and yet totally the same.
Then one day about a year later you talked to me; it was totally out of the blue and I was so fucking shocked and talked so much shit that I knew you must have thought I was an idiot. I was just totally overwhelmed that you had gone out of your way to come and talk to me. I was totally smitten with you at that point and I couldn't make my brain work because of the fear.
I promised myself after that humiliating experience I wouldn't be scared of how I felt anymore. I was going to be different and I was going to make you love me.
I have been utterly, uncontrollably, stupidly in love with you since that sunny Tuesday in the playground and nothing you have done, nothing you have ever done has changed that.
You are my fucking world Naomi Campbell, my whole fucking world. You have been for as long as I've known you and I am not going to give that up for anything, least of all your stubborn nature. I love the fact that you're stubborn babe, I always have, but not with me hun, not with us. Please don't do that to us, not anymore."
I'm crying again, of course I am that's all I've been able to do these last few months; this time I'm not crying for me, I'm crying for us. She's lying in that fucking bed, probably in agony and here I am trying to pour my heart out to her.
I've got a memory floating through my head, one other occasion I stood near the foot of her bed and let it all out, the last time she just lay there and looked at me as I ranted and raged at her. That wasn't a happy memory, it wasn't a happy time; but it had worked out in the end. It had worked out because we'd been brave enough to make it work. I crossed my fingers and prayed that this time it would be the same, because I'm not raging now, I'm fucking breaking.
"I'm sorry Naomi, so utterly, miserably sorry. Please don't give up on me ok, don't give up on us. I'm sorry I'm a twat, I'm sorry I didn't listen to you. I don't know what else I can tell you babe except I love you, it's all I've got left."
I'm done, it wasn't pretty, it wasn't eloquent, and it wasn't a patch on what I had prepared to say. It was random and rambling and I doubted any of it made sense to her, but at the very least it was honest. It was totally and utterly honest.
I looked across at her, blue eyes burning back at me. I couldn't help my reaction, I've not done this for ages but I can't help but wither under that gaze. I find myself looking at the floor sneaking glances at her through my lashes. This time though it's not planned, it's not calculated, it's not my, less than subtle, attempt at seducing her. It's simply the fact that her gaze is just too much for me and I don't think I can look into her eyes when she tells me to fuck off again.
"Well, good morning to you too."
'Fuck she sounds terrible, what the fuck have you done Emily, why couldn't you have just waited until she was well?'
"erm, Hi!"
I offered weakly, still not sure what was happening here. She had fixed me with her serious face and sighed, 'Oh Christ, here it comes.'
"Emily, you're a twat."
'Oh God, Jesus no. Don't fucking do this Nai, don't fucking keep on doing this to us, it's not right. Don't you understand it's not fucking right, not after all this.'
She coughed weakly and took a sip from the glass of water she held in her hand. She took a deep breath and glared at me. I braced myself for what was going to come next.
"You, are a twat," she repeated, her voice clearer but still not as strong as I expected,
"but I guess at least you're my twat. Or at least I hope that speech means that you are…because if I'm going to be a total twat myself I might as well be in good company."
I looked at her, my brain struggling to work through what exactly it was she was saying. Then she held out her hand to me.
"Come here you twat."
I walked around the bed and noticed that her cheeks were wet with tears, 'why didn't I spot that earlier?' I stretched out my hand and she gripped it in those long fingers of hers squeezing it as tightly as she could; which, I noticed absently, wasn't very tight at all.
"Ems I'm sorry…"
"No Naomi, no." I interrupted, "no more ok? It's my turn to be sorry, you haven't done anything except be hurt by me so please…stop apologising."
She gave my hand another squeeze. I sat on the edge of the bed, my hand gripping hers just looking at her.
"I'm truly sorry Naoms, I feel terrible that this got so out of hand. That despite every time I've complained that you won't talk to me about things, the one time you do, the one time it fucking matters. I dismiss it out of hand and make it worse by lying."
"Ems?"
I look around at her, at this distance I can see how pale she actually looks, her eyes that looked so vivid from the end of the bed actually look slightly washed out and watery.
"Yes Nai?"
"Shut the fuck up ok?"
She gave my hand another squeeze and flashed me a weak smile; my heart lifted and began to beat again.
"Ok."
o+o+o
We sat there for a while, just holding hands and staring, not daring to speak to each other, not wanting to break the spell. I'm not sure how long exactly it was we spent in our little bubble but we were finally disturbed by a knock at the door and a blonde head appearing round it as it opened. She regarded the sight of us holding hands and beamed a warm genuine smile.
"Oh thank fuck for that, are you two going to stop fighting now?"
I nodded sheepishly; I assumed Naomi was doing similarly; judging by the sharp intake of breath and the squeezing of my hand she was also regretting it. I whipped my head back around to see if she was ok, but she just calmly met my eyes and winked.
"Well that's alright then, if you don't mind I'd better go and text Katherine and Elizabeth; they've been asking for updates every fifteen minutes since you got here Emily dear.
Naomi love, would you like something to eat or drink. Doctor Hiller said you have to eat and drink to help you recover."
"Coffee and some cereal would be nice mum." She replied, still sounding far too weak for my liking.
"No coffee Naomi. Doctor Hiller also said you need lots of rest, and coffee won't help that. Look it's nearly lunchtime, I'll get you some tea and a bit of toast and then I'll pop to the shops and get us all something nice for lunch...You'll be staying for lunch then Emily dear?"
"I'd love to, thanks Gina."
She faked a frown at me, "Emily..." she said warningly her lips twitching.
I smiled happily back at her, "I'd love to, thanks mum."
"Better," she winked and left pulling the door closed behind her.
"Mum?" I heard Naomi ask as I turned around to look at her again.
"I'll explain later."
"Yeah," she said sadly, lowering her eyes, "I think there's going to be a lot of explaining later. I think we have a lot of talking to do Ems, a lot of it is long overdue."
I nodded and squeezed her hand. "You're right babe we do, and it is. From now on can we just say screw the world and sort our own issues out? Let everyone else fix their own problems and leave us the fuck alone? I don't know about you, but I really don't want to be sitting on a beach in Goa, having a deep and meaningful conversation about our relationship. Not unless it's about how much I fucking love you!"
She smiled, not her big beaming smile, the one that rocks my world but one that's still tinged with pain.
"Still coming to Goa with me then Ems? Not changed your mind?"
"What? No. Do you really think I'm going to miss out on a free holiday in the sun?"
Her smile wavers for a second, and then reappears as I wink at her to tell her I'm joking. Inwardly I sigh; I get the feeling this 'getting her to accept that I unconditionally love her' project might just be a long, long road. She's so fragile my Naomi, I'm starting to realise just how fragile. She's so wracked with doubts she needs constant reassurances that everything's ok.
And I'm going to make damn sure she gets them.
"I love you Nai, I've missed you so much."
"Me too hun, me too."
o+o+o
'Mum's' brought in the promised tea and toast and I've been hovering over Naomi, perched on the edge of the bed making sure she finishes what she been given. I can only assume that Gina's made the toast herself, or that she stood over Kieran with a rolling pin. Because if he cooked it, it's in far better shape than the charred attempt that he made for me.
We've been sitting in silence again whilst she ate and I drank my tea. It isn't a forced silence, it's not that we aren't speaking; just that we don't need to speak, it's a comfortable silence and for the first time in days I can feel myself relaxing. My eyes are getting heavy as days of crap sleep begin to catch up with me.
"Em?"
I jolt slightly as her voice disturbs me.
"Put the cup down hun before you spill it all over yourself."
I turn and place the cup onto her nightstand before turning back to look at her again.
"Do you want to talk yet Nai?" I asked nervously. If I'm honest I'm not ready, for starters I'm about ready to fall asleep, but I needed to know if that's what she wanted to do.
"No hun, not yet. It wouldn't be right."
I furrowed my eyebrows, I didn't understand.
"Problem with these painkillers babe, my body doesn't like them. They send me to sleep. Especially after I've eaten; when I'm feeling full and warm and comfortable."
She did sound drowsy. I guess with a head injury she might tire easily as well. I climbed off the bed, leaned over and kissed her tenderly on the cheek.
"Then you go to sleep babe, I'll still be here when you wake ok? Shout me if you need anything. I'm here for you." I kissed her again, "I'll always be here for you."
I stood and turned off the light. The room fell into a darkness that was only broken by the sunlight that was trying to creep around the heavy curtains. As I walked to the door I was stopped by the panicked sound in her voice as she called my name.
"Ems!"
"Yes love?"
"Don't go, please don't leave me now."
I could feel the breath leave my body as she called for me and my eyes prickled as I blinked away the tears that were forming. I crept back across the room kicking off my shoes and clothes as I did so and climbed onto the bed; sliding under the duvet, curling into her body and putting my arm around her waist.
"I won't babe, not if you don't want me to."
She sighed, sniffed and I could feel the tension ebb out of her body as her arm covered mine.
"I never want you to leave me Ems, not ever."
"Then I'll always be here babe, remember that."
I could tell she was crying as she fell asleep. I could feel the slight shakes as she did so; as she tried desperately to hide it from me. I pulled myself closer into her snuggling up against her right arm, putting my head on her shoulder; conscious of avoiding any movement that would disturb her bandaged head.
As we lay there, drifting off, I realised something was wrong. At first I couldn't put my finger on what it was. Something about the way we were laying in the bed didn't feel right. Then it hit me, ever since I'd come into the room she'd been asleep on my side of the bed.
There have only been two occasions in all the times we have slept together when she slept on the left side of the bed, the first was our very first night together, and the second was the afternoon we'd spent after she'd attacked me at the lockers all that time ago. On both occasions I'd climbed into bed first and took a side. It wasn't until the morning after the Love Ball I'd learnt she had a preference. I guess sleeping on your own in a single bed you just don't realise it.
She'd patiently explained that she liked to sleep on the right side of the bed. I never understood why, to be honest I didn't really care what side I slept on as long as she was next to me. But that was how it worked out and ever since that morning we had our own sides of our bed, any bed. I'd always liked that, it made me feel like we were a 'proper' couple. Today though, she was lying on my side of the bed by choice. It was weird, I had to know why; I knew I'd not be able to sleep now, not until I had an answer.
"Nai, you still awake?" I asked softly, ignoring the fact that I'd just heard her sniff away her tears.
"Mmmm, barely hun why?"
Tears or not, Christ she sounded tired. I really felt guilty about disturbing her but continued anyway, the damage already done.
"I was just wondering, why are you sleeping on this side of the bed babe, it's not your usual side."
"Because of the smell hun." Her words were slurring now as sleep took over. I'm confused, I can't smell anything at all.
"What smell babe, there's no smell over here?"
"Exactly..."
Even in her tired and drugged up state I can hear the faint sound of triumph in her voice in that one word; as if she'd just managed to explain quantum physics to Katie. Me? I still have no idea what she's on about.
"I don't understand Naomi, what do you mean?"
"The pillows, they smell. Smell nice, relaxing, they make me feel safe."
"Why do they smell Nai? Why do they make you feel safe?"
She let out an adorable little chuckle...
"Emily slept here."
.
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A/N – Do we all feel better now? Can we all breathe again...I know I can; perhaps a certain someone will put that bloody vase down now and stop threatening me with it!
Sorry guys, I know it's been a long time coming but I wanted this story to feel real. Even now I doubt we're out of the woods because people ain't like that. These two still have a lot of talking to do methinks.
Until the next one...chapter that is!
esdiferente, a part of the MftM massive!
[clicks finger and makes an annoying aye-e sound]
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