The most exhausting part of being the Detective L was undoubtedly Deneuve and Eraldo Coil.

Near scrolled apathetically through his emails, reading case after case of boring, uninspiring bullshit. The problem with being the second and third greatest detectives in the world meant that people sent all of the crap they were too intimidated to send L to you, resulting in Deneuve and Eraldo Coil's inboxes being absolute dumpster fires.

Usually, Watari dealt with this part of the detective jig. In fact, if L had been L currently, he would be doing it anyway, no matter what other work he had. L had always been Watari's favourite offspring (and no, Near was definitely not jealous).

Which was why, when Matt stormed into the room he and L were sharing as they worked out exactly when the Volturi would make their move to take Misa away (so far, L approximated it at two days before the date of trial, though Near was pretty sure it would be a lot before that), Near was very, very glad for the distraction.

"Hello, Matt!" Near sang, stopping the redhead in his tracks. The vampire slid his goggles over his forehead to push back his fringe, giving him a doubtful look.

"Hello, Near…"

L looked up from where he was moping, his black hair hanging into his eyes. "Why are you here, Matt? I expressly ordered you to stay with Raito-kun at all times."

The snowy-haired vampire groaned. "You are depressing me, L, and that is a feat in itself. Please stop."

Matt raised his eyebrows, impressed. "Wow, Near, you're surprisingly active today."

Near giggled, and the redhead's eyes widened. "Yes, well, I have to say…it is a nice day. Sun is shining, birds are twittering, so on and so forth."

L curled back into a ball, hunched over his laptop as he clicked from page to page. "Near is happy because of Mello."

Matt lit up hopefully. "What do you mean? Did he apologise? Did Watari let him out yet?"

"No." Near chirped. The redhead waited for the punch line…then realised there wasn't going to be one.

"Oh, come on, Near. I can understand Mello being an idiot about your rivalry but I expected better of you."

"You sound just like Watari." Near turned his thousand-watt grin back to his computer, scrolling down the endless emails. L's inbox was drier than a riverbed in the desert, but Eraldo Coil and Deneuve were bursting. "He says he feels his age catching up because I imprisoned Mello."

"No, it's because you can't stop smiling about it." L corrected. "You will have to get a tighter rein on your emotions if you ever plan on succeeding as a detective."

"That is interesting coming from you, Romeo." Near clicked to the live feed of Misa and Mello being restrained in their cells. The model was blindfolded and kept tied to a steel frame designed by Watari himself to be unbreakable by vampires (it was lucky they had an inventor for a foster father). Mello, though, was only handcuffed, his blond hair hanging limply around his face as he grimaced at the wall.

Near found himself grinning uncontrollably, so made sure to blank his face completely lest Matt punch him.

"So, Matt. Why are you here?" L murmured roughly from where he sat, his fingers drumming rhythmically over the keyboard. Matt cleared his throat.

"Right. Um, Yagami woke up."

L stiffened, his fingers stumbling as they typed.

The redhead ran his hand through his hair. "And he's asking for you, L."

The former Detective L ducked his head, letting his heavy fringe shadow his eyes. "I'm, uh, busy."

"Thought so. I'll tell him you're interviewing Misa." The redhead sighed. "You can't hide from him forever. I hope you have a long-term solution to this."

L waited a full five seconds before he let out a breath, his eyes not leaving the bright screen of his laptop. "How is he?"

"He's healthy. He can move, doesn't feel sick. The venom's healing him with no side effects. The wound is still sore, but he seems fine." Matt walked over and patted L's shoulder. "You did good, L. Mello's done a lot worse to me."

"I did good, huh?" L muttered bitterly. Near glanced at his mentor, watched as his form grew tense, his face flushing ever so slightly pink.

Matt straightened up. "Also, Near, do you have any cases to spare? Simple ones?"

"Why?" L's voice was muffled. "Are you in the running to be my successor again, Matt?"

Matt chuckled. "No, I'm not, but I'm pretty sure Yagami wants to be."

"What?" L finally looked up, his eyes too-large, dark as ink in his pale face.

The redhead snickered. "Yeah. He says he's bored and cases help him think."

Near glimpsed over at the third-ranker. "He wants one of my cases?"

Matt raised an eyebrow disapprovingly. "No need to be a snob. I know you have plenty of cases to spare, it won't hurt to have him look at one."

Near raised his palms in the air. "Oh, no, no, you misunderstand me. Take all the cases he wants. He can take Deneuve off my hands for the rest of his life for all I care. Go ahead, I'll print the files out for you right now."

L closed his laptop decisively. "Let me get this straight. He wants to…work on a case. After he's been bitten by a vampire and almost bled to death."

Matt fidgeted. "Um, yeah. He said it helps him cope with stress or something like that."

L got to his feet, his back straight as a rod, and Matt stumbled back. "What? What happened?"

Without another word, the detective thudded out of the room. The white-haired vampire peeked out of the doorway to see L's blurred shape sprinting at full speed towards the guest room.

Matt turned his astonished gaze to Near, who sniggered, clicking back to the tab that watched the imprisoned Mello and Misa in HD quality.

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A/N: Review and comment, it's really encouraging!