FROM THE ASHES

Chapter 25

Maysam stood in the shade of the dining room veranda and watched the distant figures of her granddaughter and Bane strolling in the gardens. Bane's arm was around Talia, and her head rested against his shoulder as they admired the flowers. The sight thoroughly warmed Maysam's heart, and she felt a deep satisfaction. Her granddaughter had finally come to realize the treasure that walked beside her; Talia had told her as much, though Maysam knew it before Talia had. She had also told Maysam of Bane's veiled skepticism, something that obviously pained Talia. Maysam, however, was not worried by Bane's response. In time, he would accept the truth.

"Watching the two lovebirds, are you?" Barsad sidled up to her with a cup of coffee, smelling of the breakfast they had all just finished. Yemi had wheeled Abrams back to his room, leaving Barsad and Maysam alone.

"Yes," she sighed. "And I'm enjoying every minute of it."

"Always the matchmaker, Maysam."

"This match was made long ago, John, by the hand of fate."

"Sure, but I have a feeling it wouldn't be what it is today without your influence."

She did not try to hide the pride gleaming in her eyes when she turned to him. "Perhaps my influence over others isn't as great as you think. After all, you have yet to consummate your relationship with Sanjana."

Barsad's teasing smirk faded slightly. "How would you know? Cameras in my room, maybe?"

Maysam chuckled. "I don't need cameras to know the truth in this, John."

"Bane's been blabbing to you?"

"Of course not." Her look was indulgent and rebuking at the same time. "Please don't tell me you still restrain yourself because of what you said when you first met her—that you feel sleeping with her in my home would be some sort of betrayal of our past relationship."

"If you remember, I also told you I was cognizant of her being raped."

"Time has passed."

"Jesus, Maysam, you of all people—because of Melisande—should have a bit of compassion for what Sanjana went through." Barsad caught himself before he could mention Amir's assault, something he would never willing tell her, for Sanjana's sake as well as his own.

"I do. But there's no denying the girl is smitten with you. Back when you first met her, she felt nothing for you. Now things are different. Surely she would be a willing participant if you merely asked her."

"I'm not so sure of that."

"Only one way to find out."

Barsad sighed in frustration.

"You are bored here," Maysam continued. "Indulge yourself."

"I won't be bored much longer."

"What do you mean?"

Barsad's gaze went to Bane, sitting now beside Talia on a bench in the rose garden. "I'll be going back out into the field."

"What?" Maysam went cold. "But it's not safe. The immunity agreement was only for Bane and Talia."

"I told Bane I can't stay here all the time. I'll come back between missions."

"You can't leave him."

"He doesn't need me here, not anymore, Maysam. You know me—I have to be doing something."

"You will break Sanjana's heart."

He frowned at her. "Nice try. But, like I said, I'll come back. Bane would kill me if I missed the birth of your great-grandchild."

"And so would I." She touched his arm. "Can't you wait until after Talia gives birth? It's only a few months."

"I've already been here a few months. The League needs me in the field, especially with Bane and Talia staying here so long. Bane agrees."

Maysam had watched him come and go many times over the years, but she knew this time would be even more painful. The more she aged, the more she wanted to hold onto all of them.

"I've become selfish and spoiled having you with me so long," she murmured.

"And I've enjoyed every minute of it." He put his hand over hers. "Like I said, I'll be back regularly. Bane says he'll only let me take part in brief missions, nothing long term. It's all the stubborn bear will concede to."

"Well, if you won't come back for me or Bane, then at least I'm confident you will come back to see Sanjana."

Barsad chuckled. "I'll come back to see all of you."

"You will tell Sanjana about this change now or will you wait until you next leave?"

"I'm not sure."

Maysam sighed and crossed her arms against her inner chill, gazed out over the courtyards and gardens. "At least I will have those two a bit longer, then the baby."

Eager to change the subject, Barsad asked, "What did you think of Abrams?"

"Difficult to say since he spoke so little."

"Bane says he's a man of few words."

"So different from you." She sliced a coy glance his way.

"Not so different. We have more than one thing in common, including loyalty to a certain masked curmudgeon."

"Allah be praised."

"Do you think you'll hire Abrams? I think he'd be a good fit. And he's no spring chicken, so a job a bit more…sedate would do him some good, Bane thinks. And he and I will sleep a bit easier when we're away, knowing someone like Abrams is close to you…and the baby."

"I will get to know him better before I can decide."

"Understandable."

"But I will certainly take your recommendations to heart." Maysam turned. "Now if you will excuse me, I am meeting the interior designer for the nursery this morning, so I must get ready."

"Is Talia joining you?" He glanced to the garden. "Or isn't she interested?"

"John. You mustn't be so hard on Talia about this baby. She will come around; you'll see. Bane's interest will rub off on her, as will mine. That's why she will be meeting the designer with me and giving her input. We're also going on a shopping trip tomorrow to Jaipur. Buying things for the baby will inspire her, I'm sure."

"Does Bane know she's going outside the palace walls?"

"Talia will tell him today."

"Sure, there's the immunity agreement, but we don't want anyone connecting you with Talia or any of us. It will only lead to problems for you."

"Don't worry. She will wear a hijab and plain clothing, nothing that will draw attention to herself." She wagged a finger. "Don't spoil our outing, John. Talia needs this. It will refresh her after being a prisoner here for all these months."

Maysam led the way back into the dining room.

"I should go with you," Barsad fussed.

"No. You are still a wanted man. It's too soon after Gotham. I will have my usual detail."

"Well, you'll at least take Yemi."

"If it will mollify you, then very well. Now finish your coffee. It looks like Sanjana has already been in to clear the table, but she's left the coffee."

"Jesus, I hope she didn't hear us talking."

"I doubt it." Taking advantage of their privacy, she bestowed a quick kiss upon his cheek. "Now, I'm off. Come join us later in Bane's office when the decorator arrives."

Barsad laughed. "No, thanks. I'll leave that to you ladies…and Bane." He winked, drawing a smile from her before she left.

###

The sun had set long ago, dinner had been eaten, followed by a leisurely swim and a shower, then a brief visit with Abrams. Now Barsad relaxed on his veranda, feet propped up on the railing, shooting jets of cigarette smoke into the cool night air. Sanjana was due any minute now with his nightly snack. He smiled.

As he watched the rise of the moon, his thoughts migrated back to his conversation with Maysam that morning. Damn it, sometimes he wished Maysam wouldn't discuss Sanjana with him. Though he knew it was a stupid sensation, he always felt disloyal to her. Sure, her desire for his happiness was genuine, but he still felt uncomfortable talking about his sex life—or lack thereof—with her. He hated it when she referred to herself as old, too old to be desired by a man. Sometimes he considered proving her wrong, but he knew she would rebuff him. She had released him long ago and insisted he find someone younger, someone worthy of his charm and wit.

Barsad now scoffed at himself and took another draw on his cigarette. Maybe he should turn the tables and play matchmaker. But he dismissed the thought immediately. Truth be told, he wouldn't want to witness Maysam with another man. Selfish, yes, but there it was. Then he thought of Abrams and grinned. Maybe he wouldn't mind so much if it was someone like Abrams. After all, Maysam liked younger men. He chuckled at the thought of those two—Maysam bright and alluring, Abrams quiet and rough. Hell, anything was possible when it came to a beautiful woman; he was proof of that.

When Sanjana's distant knock reached him, he called out to her then crushed the remainder of his cigarette in an ashtray on the table beside him before shoving it under his chair. He stood to greet her when she halted in the open doorway. Her expression was unusually tempered. She carried a tray with fruit and cheese.

"Would you like this here or inside?"

"Let's sit out here. It's a nice night. Do you have time to stay?"

"Yes, for a little bit."

"Good."

Barsad took the tray and set it on the table. As she sat in the wicker chair on the other side of the table, the sweet scent of lilies drifted from her. He couldn't help breathing in deeply, not caring if she noticed or not.

"Help yourself," he encouraged as he took a few cubes of cheese.

Sanjana pulled some grapes from their stems while a brief silence separated them, drawing Barsad's curiosity. Again he thought back to this morning, and he hoped Sanjana had not heard his conversation with Maysam.

"So what do you think of Abrams?" he asked.

"I can't really say. I've only seen him in the dining room while I was serving him. He seems a bit…shy."

"Bane's never used that word to describe him," Barsad chuckled. "I think Abrams is just a little out of practice when it comes to socializing. What I know of his life and occupation, it hasn't encouraged positive relationships. Bane thinks he'll fit in just fine once he's here for a while."

"You expect a long convalescence?"

"Not too long. The surgery went well, and he's in good health otherwise. No, I'm referring to him remaining here, working for Maysam. Didn't you hear us talking about it during lunch today?"

"Oh, yes. That's right. I did."

Barsad studied her as she ate the grapes, one by one, slowly, thoughtfully. She hadn't fully looked at him yet; very unusual. Something was up, and his fear of what she may have heard that morning grew. He couldn't come right out and ask her, though, because if he was wrong he'd then have opened himself up to inquiry. Perhaps he could, instead, draw her out.

"Is something wrong, Sanjana? You seem a bit…distracted."

She didn't answer right away, buying time by putting another grape into her mouth. Barsad waited, leaning forward in an attempt to draw her attention to him, but she remained focused somewhere far out in the night. He watched the soft curve of her jaw as she chewed, the changes in her lips. If she'd let him, he'd take that damn grape right out of her mouth with his tongue and eat it himself.

"Sanjana?"

At last she swallowed. "I've been thinking…about us…about our kiss yesterday."

He inwardly sighed in relief.

"I want to apologize."

"Apologize?"

Her lips pressed together, her eyebrows lowered. "I shouldn't have been so forward."

"You weren't forward. I initiated the kiss."

"But I encouraged you."

"Trust me, Sanjana, I don't need encouragement. You're a beautiful woman."

"But it's wrong of me to lead you on."

"What're you talking about?" He wished she would look at him.

Her hands moved restlessly together in her lap. "My father told me, after Hisham's nephew raped me, that I must have led him on, that I was the cause of it, that no decent girl would have gone alone with him to his house. But I thought my fiance's father was there. I never would have gone—"

"Sanjana."

She nearly jumped at the sound of his voice, as if she had forgotten he was there.

"Look at me, Sanjana."

Her eyes glistened when she obeyed.

"I've told you before—I'd never hurt you."

"I know that."

"When you kiss a man, you've given him permission to do one thing and one thing only—to kiss you back. That's all. I've never taken it any other way from you."

"Yes, but…I know you want to…and I want to, but…"

Shocked by her admission, Barsad moved to a loveseat beside her chair, angled it toward her. "But what?"

"I'm sorry, John," she blurted. "But I heard you and Madam talking this morning, after breakfast. I was clearing the table, and I heard my name. I shouldn't have listened, but I went to the door so I could."

Barsad bit back a curse.

"You must understand," Sanjana continued, "it's not that I don't want to be with you. It's just that…I don't know if I can be…with you or any man. And because of that, I shouldn't be throwing myself at you."

Barsad took her hands in his, forcing her to turn to him. "You haven't been throwing yourself at me. Don't feel pressured by anything you've heard Maysam say or by anything I may have said."

"But you told Madam you will be going away again. Is it because of me?"

"Of course not. If anything could make me stay, it would be you. But it's not in my nature to sit idle for so long. I'm a soldier, Sanjana."

"Miss Talia stays because she is pregnant. Mr. Bane stays because of her. Maybe you would stay if you had me."

"That has nothing to do with me going, Sanjana. I promise you. I have work to do. With Bane and Talia here, our organization needs someone from the upper echelon in the field. That's me. Bane agrees. It's time for things to change."

"But maybe if I—"

"No." He wiped away the single tear that had trickled down her cheek. "I don't want it to be that way. If the day comes when you feel comfortable with something more intimate between us, that's great. But if the day never comes or you find someone more suited to you," he shrugged, "that's okay, too."

"No man will ever be as understanding as you."

"You might be surprised. Not all men are assholes."

"But in my culture—"

"Don't get hung up on culture. People can surprise you. You're worth stepping outside of boundaries for." He held her hands a bit tighter and leaned in closer. "I'll tell you a secret." He offered a tiny grin to draw her away from her sad focus.

"A secret?" she said near a whisper.

"Yes, about a woman I was once with, someone outside my culture. A strict Muslim at the time, in fact."

Sanjana's dark eyes widened.

"And she was also married."

Sanjana gave a tiny gasp. "Did you love her?"

"Yes, very much. We risked everything to be together. She'd never done anything like that before. But she threw caution to the wind because she loved me, too. And someday there'll be someone in your life willing to step outside of the norm to be with you."

"What happened to her?"

"Eventually I broke things off for her sake. I knew what her husband would do to her if he ever found out."

"She should have left him."

Barsad chuckled. "Sounds simple, doesn't it? Well, things never are, are they, when it comes to relationships? No, even if she would've left him, he would've found her and killed her."

"But you would have stopped him."

"Not back then. I didn't have the abilities or resources that I have now to protect those I care about. He was a very powerful, dangerous man. And she feared for my safety, too. That's why she agreed it was best to end our affair."

Sanjana's eyes had softened, and her own despair had drifted away with his story and her sympathy for him. "Is she still married?"

"No, her husband died a few years back."

"Then why aren't you with her?"

Barsad chuckled. "Like I said, relationships are never simple. I still see her, but we're just friends. We're both content with it now." He touched her cheek. "And I'm content with what you and I have. Don't put pressure on yourself. I won't."

She produced a small, melancholy smile. "I don't need to find someone who will understand my situation. I've already found him. But now I'm going to lose him."

"Nah. I'll be back. With Talia pregnant, Bane won't let me be gone for long stretches of time. And that's fine with me. It'll be enough to keep me entertained, and in the meantime I can come back here and spend time with you. So I have the best of both worlds." His words didn't cheer her, so he patted the space beside him. "C'mere. Sit with me." Once she obeyed, he put his arm around her and eased her close. "There. Now just relax and forget all this. Let's enjoy tonight and not think about tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay," she murmured.

He kissed her cheek, and she smiled before resting her head on his shoulder. Together they gazed off into the night, silent now, their fingers entwined.