Couch Scene: The Simpsons run to the couch but notice that Maggie is not here. Suddenly a large Maggie crushes the house with the other Simpson Family Members.
Ralph Scene: I saw an alien spaceship last night." Ralph said.
"Yeah right." Bart said as he came up to him.
They later walk away as a huge alien ship is invading Springfield.
"Okay Class!" Mr. Nental said as Bart and his classmates were in hell town otherwise known as a classroom for the subject health. "Technically, we won't being learning today's work, dissecting cat's and using their organs as donations to the elderly. Instead, because of the school's principal, the whole school will have to write a class report about the lives of the elderly. This is actually for your home classroom and you can work on it now. Anyway, what do you want Allison Taylor?"
"Um... Uh... I was to..." Allison spoke shortly as she was shaking in fear at the door as she had a paper in her hand.
"What is it?" Mr. Nental said behind Allison out of nowhere as she screamed.
"Uh... Here! Please don't cut my heart out!" Allison said.
"Little girl, I wouldn't cut your heart out. I would cut your heart out with a Swiss army knife and make your body into a puppet where my dogs can play with, my vicious... large... angry... dog's that is..." Mr. Nental grinned as Allison suddenly ran out of the classroom screaming. The old man turned towards the classroom and said, "Finish your assignment and I might not show you what your insides look like... that would be fun though..."
The Simpsons family were at the Springfield Retirement Castle filled with the elderly, some were veterans and some were politicians.
"So, where's one of my Grandpa's?" Bart said looking for one of his Grandfathers .
"I'm right here boy!" Abe Simpson said as the family went to the elderly man.
"Where's Bouvier?" Homer said.
"That guy? He went to his job. I can't believe and old angry man who uses force to control people got a job at the train station." Abe said angrily. "I can get a job!"
"Why don't you apply for one?" Marge said.
"This place is sucking the life out of us!" Abe yelled like an maniac.
"Marge's dad seems to able to get out of this place." Lisa said.
"He's the only man here who could drive a car! He can move more better than all of us!... That and he tricks the employees here with a fake doctors note. Anyway, why are you all here?"
"Kids at school have an assignment for the whole school that we have to write an report about the elderly." Bart answered.
"I see. Well then, in 1955, before Homer was born, that I married his mother, impregnated that hooker at the carnival, than the hookers at the strip club, than this lady who thought I was single, than this Asian nurse who..."
"How many ladies did you made out with?" Homer yelled in concern.
"Not that much, boy. Anyway, before I was married. I made out with... um... let's see... two-hundred thirty three chicks. Most of them weren't hookers." Abe laughed. "Where are you going boy?"
"Going to see if there's anyone else to talk to here." Bart said bored as he walked into the hallways.
Bart was walking in the hallways filled with cracks, dust, cobwebs that would make the elderly fill lifeless even alive. As he walked through the hallway, he saw an a room where an African-American staring through the window in a wooden chair.
"Hey old black man? What are you doing? Are you stalking someone?" Bart said as he entered the room that had a table, bed, a broken heater, and some cracks on the wall.
The African-American wore a blue thin shirt with buttons, wore a grey trousers, and had an white haired afro haircut as he was holding a cane in his hand.
"Stalking someone? What are you talking about fool? Plus, don't you know that back than it's racist to call someone black or white?" The Old Black Man said as looked at Bart.
"Nope." Bart said.
"Eh... Kids these days..." The Old Black Man said as he stared back at the window.
"By the way? What's with that afro hair-cut. Not many people wear that these days. It's old school." Bart asked.
"Afro hair-cut fatty? You need to lose weight I say! Look at you tubby with those flabby arms!" The Old Black Man poked Bart's flabby arms with his cane. "You need to eat less donuts and more carrots. Keep that up and you might even be bald flabby man."
"You can't say that to a cool guy like me!" Bart said.
"I will say it, I can say it, and I just said it! What are you going to do about it!"
"Bart? What are you doing here?" Marge said as she entered the small room.
"This guy made fun of me!" Bart said.
"Jay tell no lie! Your idiot son just came here and made fun of my hair cut... If you apologize than I would want some cookies, milk, and... some country music."
"Who listens to country music anymore?" Bart yelled at the man.
"Well mister..." Marge spoke until the old man interrupted her.
"Jay Powell. Technically it's Jacob, but most old folks call me Jay when I was in the gangster club of the year of 19..."
"Who the hell cares if you were a part of a gang! I want an apology!" Bart said.
"You get no apology from Jay, brat!" Jay said to the boy.
"Hey Bart. This guy might have a great life. You can make an paper about him." Marge said.
"This boy interviewing Jay! No way, mam! Jay may have some anger issues, Jay may have some trouble opening the fridge, and Jay may have killed an man but there is no way this boy is going to hunt with me in deer season."
"Killed a man? Plus, we didn't say anything about hunting. We said about a paper of you." Marge asked with a frightful look.
"Oh. That's okay than, but Jay is still not going to apologize to flabby over there." Jay said.
"I'm not even fat!" Bart said.
"Jay says that my cane is never wrong!" Jay spoke as he poked his flab again with his cane.
"Marge can we go now. My Heart Monitor is going crazy again." Homer said as he entered the room.
"What the heck is this? Jay thinks you weigh more than a blue whale!" Jay said as he's poking Homer's flab.
"Who's this guy?" Homer said.
"Who am I? Who are what are you? Your more flabby than this guy over here! In fact, your flab is sucking my cane." Jay said as the old man's cane was being sucked in by Homer's flab. "Oh no. You're not taking my cane that easily."
Suddenly the old man jumped into Homer's flab.
"Uh, Homer. I think you need to lose a lot of weight." Marge said.
"You mean a ton if that's what you're saying lady. I think I'm under Homer's boobs if you know what I'm saying." Jay said under Homer's chest. "What the heck is this? There's some kind of creature! Stay away beast!"
"Creature?" Bart said.
"Oh yeah. That must be the badger that attacked me in the woods." Homer said.
Suddenly Jay jumped out of Homer's flab and was now on the ground.
"This badger put up a tough fight, but Jay won!" Jay said.
"What did you see under Homer's... chest..." Marge said.
"It was horrible. More horrible than the time I saw my own insides in the Korean War. Want to look at my huge scar?" Jay said.
"No." Homer, Marge, and Bart said.
Homer and Marge were in the bedroom at nighttime. Homer was watching TV in the dark as Marge was reading a book called, "The Book of Adult Romance". Homer turned off the TV and was about to sleep.
"Uhh. Homer." Marge said as she stop Homer from sleeping.
"What is it?" Homer said.
"Don't you want to snuggle?" Marge said with a smooth voice.
"I don't feel like it Marge." Homer yawned.
"Homer. I think our marriage is falling apart again." Marge said.
"What? That's crazy. Just because I don't want to snuggle doesn't mean that..."
"It's not just that! You've never done anything romantic with me! You've been hanging out with your friends most of the time. Your starting to think I'm boring don't you?" Marge said.
"Of course not. You've actually had a life besides being mothering." Homer said.
"Like what?" Marge asked.
"There's... Uh... I don't know..."
"Homer! I've been a cop, been to a cooking competition, painted many great arts. There were actually many great things I did last year!" Marge argued. "Anyway, I think this book might spice up our marriage."
"What is it? Is it some kind of book that's supposed to make me lose weight, be more nice to you, ask about 'How was your day?' or give you a foot massage?" Homer said.
"Nope. Look at it." Marge said as she gave the book to him.
"What the hell is this?" Homer yelled in horror. "This book shows many ways to have sex! Throw this book away Marge! Send it to hell!"
"What? I thought you would like it. Don't you always like these kind of things?" Marge said.
"But I don't want our marriage to be based on... sex that sinners would want..."
"Homer. You impregnated me before I got married." Marge said.
"Well... uh... I'm taking this book with me and burn it! That's final!" Homer said angrily as he swiped the book from her.
It was December still on the next day and Bart entered the old African American's room within the old folk's home otherwise known as The Springfield Retirement Castle.
"It's you. Come to make fun of my hair again flabby?" Jay said.
"Nope. Though, I'm just going to write my report about your stinking life now I want to get this over with." Bart said with a boring look.
"Stinking Life? Jay has a stinking life! Did you know what the heck happen to my parents!" Jay said in anger as he spoke in a voice of a tyrant. "My two loving parents were killed by a bunch of racist KKK members and I became a freaking orphan because of that! I had hard times as a child and you call that a stinking life! Making fun of an old man who had poor experience as a child! All you kids today making fun of The Great Depression, The Holocaust, or the assassination of John F. Kennedy in your stupid cartoons and video games when there are still elderly men and women who are alive and been through these bad times! Even when there's a war in Afghanistan you still make jokes about it! You kids today make me sick!"
Bart was a little surprised of what he said and just stood there speechless.
"There you go. I told you about myself. Now go write your stupid report! Jay don't want you here anymore." Jay said.
"I see, you've been... through hard times... Mr. Powell." Bart said.
"Yeah. Jay just told you." Jay spoke as he stared through the window.
"So... uh... you like chess?" Bart said as he saw a chess board on the table.
"Yeah, why?"
Five minutes later, Bart and old man Jay were playing chess but were having fun rather than arguing as usual.
"It's been a long time since someone played this game with me." Jay said as he beat Bart again in the game. "Usually I have to keep on playing alone and switch seat to seat."
"I see." Bart said with a smile.
"You know what. We never met each other properly right. I want you to have dinner with my family." Jay said.
"Family? I thought you said they were... you know..." Bart said with a shy voice.
"Yes... but this is Jay's son's family. Jay's son has three children and has a wife. You want to have dinner or what?"
"Sure. Can I bring my family too?" Bart said.
"Why not?... There not racist are they? Or communists? Or North Korean? Or that Ice Cream man that watches me at the park?" Jay asked.
"Nope." Bart answered calmly.
"Jay says yes. You might want to bring a baseball bat."
"Why?"
"When it happens. You will know."
This Simpsons family were in front of the door of a blue house that had a front and back yard like there house. As Homer knocked the door, it opened revealing Old Man Jay at the door.
"Welcome Simpsons." Jay said as they let them in to the house. The Simpsons saw the family but Lisa stood there surprised.
"This house is fantastic." Marge said as she saw the insides of the house and the family.
"Uh... mom... dad..." Lisa said as she saw someone familiar to her. It was Janey and she was also surprised and even a little embarrassed like Lisa.
"Why is your friend doing here Lisa?" Homer said.
"Friend? One of my grandchildren is friends with fat ton's daughter?" Jay said beside the family.
"Jay? You never told me that one of your granddaughter's is Janey." Bart said as he saw the family had two sisters and one son.
"What? Don't you know Jay's last name is Powell?"
"Yeah, but my half brother Herb's last name is also Powell. I wonder if he'll ever change it to Simpson?" Homer wondered.
"Shut up fat ton." Jay said next to the Powell family.
The Powell family was made up of a husband, wife, the oldest child being a sister, the middle child being the brother, and the youngest being Janey.
"Isn't this great guys? Two families that already know each other! Now I can know The Simpsons a little more better!" Jay said as the two families were silent.
The Simpson's and the Powell's were at the dinner table eating stake, mash potatoes, and corn silently, though Lisa only ate the corn and mash potatoes of course.
"So anyone wants to know secrets about Jay's son?" Jay said.
"Oh not again." Janey's father said.
"You see. Back when he was ten I used to use a shoe to beat the hell out of him. He sure loved discipline when he cried and bleed." Jay said.
"I cried and bleed because it hurts! I never loved it." Jay's son said.
"Whatever. Anyway, Jay later married this hag which I was totally against it. Than my son used his tool there to make babies." Jay laughed as the family became more silent than ever.
"Uh... Grandpa... Why don't you tell your stories about being a gangster or when you fought in the South Korean War or your life with Grandma... heh..." Janey said nervously.
"Are you trying to change the subject little missy!" Jay responded with fierce anger.
"The old man sure gets angry easily." Homer whispered to Marge.
"Angry? You think I'm angry! After my own son put me in a home because I have issues. I hate you all! Your nothing but a bunch of people who never experienced the horrors I have. I'm leaving this house." Jay responded to Homer as he left.
"What's wrong with your grandpa Janey?" Lisa asked.
"Oh, he's been like this ever since my grandma died of cancer... He made some promise to her that he never kept. He never told anyone what it is though." Janey said as she didn't felt eating the mash potatoes on her plate.
"That does seem sad." Bart spoke. "Maybe I should talk to him."
"Yeah, maybe he could have a small smile on his face at least." Jay's daughter-in-law or wife of the Powell family spoke.
"Yep. The last time I saw him smiling was that he shot a deer with a rifle." Janey said. "Poor Rudolph..."
Homer took a large jug made of glass filled with an icy cold Duff in it. He also looked a little pale today as Moe, Barney, Lenny, and Carl looked at him.
"Hey Homer? What's wrong today? Did that dinner yesterday messed you up or something?" Moe asked as Homer acted like he was bored.
"No. I think our marriage is getting stale again." Homer said.
"Homer. You should know that relationships are going to have upsides but also downsides. So what's the problem in marriage this time." Carl said.
"Oh boy... How should I explain this..." Homer said. "You know when... uh... I and Marge... cuddle in bed..."
"Explain more." Moe spoke with a perverted smile.
"Yeah, anyway. Marge felt bored of what we do... in bed and... she found this weird book at a book store. It's called, 'Book of Adult Romance'. I looked at the first page and I was disgusted of what I saw. It wasn't a book about poetry or flowers. It was a book about different ways of having sex. I said 'No' to her. Now, she's acting all strange. She shaved the dog's fur in the morning."
"Well that book sounds good to me." Moe said.
"Oh yeah. Look for yourself!" Homer said as he handed the book to Moe.
Moe turned towards the first page and looked all calm.
"The first page doesn't seem so bad. The second page is a little bad. The third page is kind of so-so. The fourth page is... The fifth um... The sixth, oh hell no! The seventh page is, oh disgusting!" Moe said as he covered his eyes. "Get that book away from me! Burn it to hell!"
"See what I mean!" Homer said. "I don't get how Marge is interested in this stuff."
"Well, I don't know Homer. Usually, when someone's marriage is going downhill, the husband has to listen to the wife until it goes better." Lenny said.
"Then I'm off the hook?" Homer said.
"Yeah or you'll just get divorce. Anything could happen. Have you even read the whole book?" Carl said.
"No. It's too disgusting. I don't want my marriage to be filled with sex and that only." Homer said.
"Homer. You pretty much do that all the time. Sometimes a romantic dinner or a movie or two, but seriously. Your marriage has some issues." Barney said.
"So what? I'm supposed to listen to my wife and read this book?" Homer said.
"There might be one thing in that book that's less disgusting." Carl said.
"Fine." Homer said as he opened the book. Suddenly he was horrified at what he saw now. "What the heck is this? This type of sex involves with a bike, hot sauce, a telephone, and a screwdriver!"
"What? Is it like one of those pretend-to-be-murderers act where the husband acts like a killer and chases the wife through a telephone, than a bike? Than something else happens with those other objects?" Moe said.
"No. But it also involves... you know it's too horrifying." Homer said.
"Homer. Just remember this. You can't always boss your wife around." Barney said. "I don't agree with this cursed book because it's not right, but this is you were talking about. It's your decision Homer, you can either let Marge cry on that floor as she's doing all the work for you or you can read that book!"
"Fine Barney! I'll read that book!" Homer said as he ran through the door.
"Did you really meant that Barney?" Lenny asked.
"Not really. I wanted him to get out of here because he didn't took a bath." Barney said as he took a sip of beer.
It was morning, and Bart entered old man Jay's room again.
"Hi Jay my man!" Bart said.
"Hello Bart! Why are you here now?" Jay smiled all of a sudden.
"I talked to your family and they told me why you get angry all the time..." Bart said.
"I see... you heard about the death of my wife..." Jay said.
"Yep."
"You know flabby. I've been through the great depression, seeing my parents get murdered, being a gangster and rob different people, fought in the Korean War and they all gave me a hard life..." Jay said as he stared at the window. "But the worst of all for some reason was losing my wife, Nina. I've kept a promise to her one day."
"What is it?" Bart said.
"To build a house together on the Rocky Mountains, not too high or not too low, but a house where we lived in together. Nina lived in a town on the rocky mountains and we both loved nature... well... I like killing nature with a rifle, but you get the point..." Jay said staring through the window continuously. "It's also strange that I'm telling you this because I haven't told anyone else before..."
"You could still built that house!" Bart suggested.
"What do you mean boy?" Jay asked.
"Your wife may be dead, but you can still fulfill that promise you made to her." Bart said.
"Hmm... Never thought about that... I'll give it a try. After all, I want to get out of this heck hole." Jay said as he looked at the cracks, dust, and cobwebs of his room.
The two grabbed two suitcases under Jay's bed until someone entered the room.
"What the heck are all of you doing?" Lisa said wondering what's going on.
"Uh, I'm having a sleepover with Jay here..." Bart lied calmly.
"Uh huh. Mr. Powell. What's really going on?" Lisa said.
"Were getting the heck out of..." Jay said until he was interrupted.
"Lie..." Bart whispered as he was staring at Lisa.
"Oh uh... These suitcases are... filled with guns and were hunting down Krusty the Clown with them. Since your Bart's little sister I might let you go. So move aside." Jay said.
"Uh huh. If there are really guns. Open the suitcases." Lisa said calmly.
"Move aside little girl. You can't stop us!" Jay spoke.
"Okay, unless I have the car keys." Lisa said.
"Lisa, give me the car keys." Bart said.
"Tell me what's going on."
"Fine. We're going to the Rockies." Bart answered.
"The Rockies? Don't you know how far it is! Plus, I heard there more dangerous now in December." Lisa said in surprised but that reaction distracted her as Bart swiped the keys.
Bart than pushed his sister to the floor, and ran with Old Man Jay through the hallways than to the car.
An hour later at The Simpson's house. Lisa was explaining what happened at the retirement home as the two families, The Simpsons and The Powell's, are surprised.
"And that's what happened!" Lisa said.
"Oh my god!" Homer said.
"I know Homie!" Marge said.
"Yeah. Bart better have a good reason to push her sister to the floor." Homer said.
"What about Bart going to the Rockies with that old man!" Marge said.
"This is big trouble. He could die!" Janey's father said.
"Die?" Lisa said.
"We didn't just send my father to the retirement home because he's annoying!" Jay's son said. "The old man needed medication, so the retirement home was perfect. If he doesn't receive his weekly medication he could die."
Jay and Bart were in winter coats as they were on a large cliff of the Rockies.
"Jay thinks this is perfect for a house!" Jay said.
"Yeah, but don't you think it's kind of weird." Bart said.
"Weird about what?" Jay asked.
"How did we managed to get to the Rockies that fast?" Bart said.
"How would I know? I don't even know where Springfield is anymore ever since some kid threw a rock at me." Jay spoke. "Anyway, let's start building this house and..."
Suddenly Jay was coughing in front of Bart.
"Are you okay?" Bart asked.
"Okay? Of course I can. If Jay can survive bullets by using my unit as human shields than I can survive this... um... winter... yeah that's it. Winter." Jay lied.
Thirty minutes later...
Bart was at a campfire as the wind was growing harsher. Suddenly he heard noises from the woods.
"Who's there?" Bart said.
"It's us Bart!" Lisa said as she, The Simpsons, and The Powell's stepped out of the forest and near the campsite of the cliff.
"You already finished a house in thirty minutes?" Homer said as he saw a small house made of wood.
"I know. It's strange that we were able to get to the Rockies and finish a house all together at once." Bart said.
"Where's Grandpa Jay?" Janey asked.
Bart opened the door of the small house revealing a highly sick African American named Jay laying on the ground with a blanket.
"We better get him back to the retirement home before he dies. He needs medication." Janey's dad said.
"Dies? You never told me that you would die." Bart faced towards old man Jay.
"Bart... don't dare... bring me back to... that heck hole..." Jay said poorly with a sore throat.
Suddenly Bart stared at the two families and then Jay over and over again.
"Sorry old timer. You're going to have to go to the retirement home..." Bart said staring at the ground as Homer and Janey's dad picked the old man up.
Bart entered the room of old man Jay in the retirement home. He saw him staring through the window again like last time.
"Hello Jay." Bart said.
"Quiet flabby." Jay said.
"Quiet? This retirement home saved your life!" Bart said.
"That's the point! I wanted to be on the ground breathless in that house!" Jay said.
"What?" Bart said surprised.
"It's to see my wife again... I can't just do it by suicide since it's a strong sin, so nature has to do the work for me." Jay sighed. "Anyway, get out of here flabby. Ruined my chances of being with my wife again!"
"Ruined your chances!" Bart said in anger.
"Yeah! What did you ever did for me!" Jay yelled at Bart.
"I helped you achieve your promise! The house on The Rockies!" Bart said.
"Oh... Just get out of here..."
"... You know... I'm having a Christmas party tonight... You want to..."
"No way flabby! You kids today!" Jay yelled at him.
Bart walked away as Jay still continued to look at the window. He just kept on looking and looking at the window...
"Kids today..." Jay spoke...
It was nighttime and a Christmas Part was held at The Simpson's house with different families and children. Bart was with his friends, Milhouse, Nelson, Martin, Ralph, Bashir, and Handyman.
"Dude. You look like you've puked on the floor." Nelson said.
"Yeah. I've just been through a bad moments." Bart said sipping some juice from a plastic cup.
Suddenly the guests at the party heard noises on the ceiling.
"What the heck is that?" Homer said as suddenly the noises were now coming from the chimney.
"Help! Jay is stuck in this stupid chimney!" Jay said within the chimney as people saw his legs shaking around at the bottom entrance of the chimney.
"I'll pull out the dumbass." Clancy Bouvier said as he used his old, but strong arms to pull out Jay from the chimney.
Jay was now on the ground covered in black smoke but also in a Santa Claus outfit.
"Hello children! It's Santa Claus!" Jay said .
"You just mentioned your name and Santa Claus doesn't have an afro hairstyle." Lisa said. "Who will ever believe that your Santa Claus..."
"Santa!" Nelson said as he ran towards Jay. "Mom said you weren't real! But you are!"
"Dude. That Nelson kid needs to go see a doctor." Handyman said as Bart walked up to the man in the Christmas Outfit.
"Jay. What are you doing here?" Bart said.
"I'm not Jay. I'm Santa Claus. Anyway, Jay thought about what you said and you did help me keep my promise! So here's some presents and... Kid! What are you doing?" Jay said as Nelson touched his afro hairstyle.
"An Afro Santa Claus..." Nelson said.
"This kid needs to go to a mental hospital." Jay said.
"Mental Hospital? Why didn't I thought of that?" Handyman spoke as Jay handed presents to the children.
"By the way old man. What presents did you brought?" Bart asked.
"Just some old stuff I used to have back in the days."
"Is this a gun?" Lisa said as she looked at a gun with a ribbon on it.
"Why is this gangster shirt have blood stains." Milhouse said as he opened a present.
"This stick makes more throat cough." Ralph said as he was holding a cigar from a box with a ribbon on it.
Meanwhile, Homer went up to Marge and said, "Margie. I've read the book and decided to do this one."
"Oh my god." Marge said as Homer was pointing to a picture on page 34.
Homer looked at what he was pointing and said, "Oh 'BLEEP' no! I meant this one!" Homer pointed to page 33.
"Oh well. Anyone of these will do." Marge said.
Seven minutes later.
"This is not a bad party flabby." Milhouse said to Bart.
"Yep, flabby. Not bad." Martin said to Bart.
"Flabby?" Bart spoke.
"Yep. Claus over there called you Flabby. Were calling you Flabby." Handyman said.
"Hey people!" Dr. Hibbert said. "What's that beeping noise I hear upstairs..."
"Not again..." Bart sighed. "Huh? Where are all you guys going?"
Bart saw all the adults about to leave the party until one of them stop.
"Uh... were leaving all of you children here. We're going to be at the motel..." Clancy Wiggum said.
"What do adults do at a motel?" Milhouse asked.
"When you're older, you'll scream." Dr. Hibbert chuckled.
(Extra Scene)
Marge entered the basement with a basket of clothes in her hands. As she entered the basement, she saw Bart's and Lisa's friends down there.
"What are you all doing here?" Marge asked.
"We wanted to ask you a question that we've wondered for a long long time." Bart said.
"What is it?"
"What's your hair's natural color? We pretty much know your hair is died." Nelson said.
"What are all you kids doing here?" Homer said as his friends, Lenny, Carl, Barney, and Moe, were holding a pack of beer.
"Were wondering what's Bart's mom's real hair color is." Martin said.
"Oh that's easy." Homer said. "It's red."
"No it wasn't." Lenny said. "It must be blonde. Look at her children."
"What about grey? Her sisters have grey hair." Barney said.
"Are you sure it wasn't black or brunette?" Moe said.
"Moe. It was brunette because of Marge ironing her hair to long as a child." Homer said.
"People! I'll tell you my real hair color!" Marge said. "My real hair color is..."