A/N: I love my agents!
Summary: Melinda Qiaolian May has been an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. for most of her life, but all the training in the world could have never prepared her for the challenge she was facing. She had to let go, but when she looked into those soft nut brown eyes, she knew in that moment she would never let go.
Excuse any misspellings and grammar mistakes.
Disclaimer: I do not own Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. or any of the characters used.
Chapter Twenty-Four
After May finished her log, she went back upstairs and ran into Coulson outside the command center.
"You talk to Skye," May asked even though she already knew the answer.
Coulson nodded, "Sort of. Right now I have something else on my mind."
May raised an eyebrow, "What might that be?"
"I need to talk to the other higher ups and soon," Coulson told her.
Now May was curious, "What are you up to Coulson?"
May knew something else was going besides what she heard him tell Skye. However she wasn't sure what else there was. If he wanted after Quinn, then he could go to the Fridge. Why did he have to talk to the higher ups?
Coulson took a breath, May could see right through him as always. A part of him wanted to tell May his plans, but at the same time. He thought it would be best she didn't know.
"Tomorrow," Coulson said softly, "Right now I think it's best everyone get some sleep."
May nodded, "I think that would be best."
Without another word, May walked past Coulson and went downstairs. She walked through the halls until she came by Skye's pod. Skye was standing by the night table with her headphones in and nodding her head to the beat of the song she was listening to. Every time May saw Skye with her headphones in mouthing the words or moving to the music it made her happy.
Sometimes she imagined finding a younger Skye in her pj's dancing to music in the mornings. If only... May smiled at the thought and watched Skye for a minute longer, until she turned around. Skye jumped slightly, but her surprised expression quickly turned into a happy face. Skye took out her headphones as May walked in.
Skye said, "Good to know you are not only watching me through monitors, but through windows. A little old school don't you think?"
May laughed at that, "Maybe, but I came to check on you. How's your stomach?"
Skye put her hands on her abdomen and smiled, "It's all good. I can stand and move around a little more without it hurting so much."
May smiled, "That's good."
Skye sighed and gave May a soft look, "Are you okay? Ward came down here briefly and told me about some things that happened. He didn't get far, he left a minute before Fitz-Simmons arrived to go to the cockpit."
"I'm fine, he didn't break anything," May told her with a slight smile.
Skye was biting her bottom lip and May knew she was nervous about something. However May wouldn't bring it up. She had a feeling Skye was nervous about what Coulson talked to her about. Even though she didn't sound too worried when May listened to them.
"Get some sleep," May said softly.
"You didn't point out my lip biting," Skye said suddenly.
May nodded, "I know. Coulson told me he talked to you. He said sort of so I'm assuming he told you what he saw down there."
Skye only nodded, but didn't say anything which made May smile. She wouldn't push Skye on this, she would pretend to be as clueless as possible without being obvious.
"Whatever it was," May started, "Must have been shocking. However I don't care, it saved your life and that's all that matters to me."
"Coulson did tell me about it," Skye admitted, choosing her words carefully, "Nothing to bad."
May replied, "Good to hear. It's late and you need to get some sleep."
Skye sat on the bed and asked softly, "Will you stay until I fall asleep?"
May nodded, "Are the nightmares still bothering you?"
Skye brought her gaze down to the floor. She hates feeling so helpless and afraid of bad dreams.
Skye admitted, "Yes. Hopefully they will go away completely, even when you can't be here to watch me like some scared kid."
"You had a traumatic experience," May told her, "It's okay to still be afraid and I don't mind, you are my kid."
Skye continued to look at the floor, "I just wish I wasn't so afraid."
May took a step closer to Skye and said, "It will take time, but you will get past this. You're strong Skye."
Skye looked up at May with glossy eyes, "I wasn't strong in that basement."
"That is not true," May said sternly.
"It is true," Skye protested, "I've seen you and Ward take out ten guys on your own. I couldn't get past one man-"
"A man who had you at gunpoint," May interrupted sternly.
"Yeah, who took me out," Skye cried, "Had it not been for this GT-625 or whatever it's called, I wouldn't be here. I'm here on luck and not because I could help myself. I'm not strong, I was weak and stupid."
May held Skye's chin and looked into her eyes as she said, "That is not true. I don't ever want to hear you talk like this again. You did what any of us would have done. Skye you are an incredible young woman who I could not be more proud of. You did what you could. I know it may not feel like it now, but you are strong, talented and capable of many things. Don't you ever, ever, think of yourself as anything less."
Skye tried to fight the tears in her eyes, but they fell down her cheeks anyway. No one has ever spoken about her in this way before and it made her so happy. To know her mom saw her this way, as someone to be proud of. May saw the tears and pulled Skye into her arms. Skye buried her face into May's shoulder and wrapped her arms around her waist.
"I was so terrified," Skye sobbed, "I've never felt so helpless before. I never want to feel that way again M, I can't do it. I just can't."
May held Skye tightly as she whispered, "I know and you won't ever have to go through something like that again as long as I'm here. Together we will get through this, okay."
Skye nodded into May's shoulder as more tears fell down her cheeks. May hated to see Skye so broken like this, but she was at a low. It would take some time before Skye was fully back to herself and even then she wouldn't be the same. Experiences like this leave people scarred, physically, emotionally, sometimes both.
"Do you really mean what you said about me," Skye mumbled after a minute of silence.
May replied, "Every word. I'm proud of you Skye, of the person you became. I wish I could have been there and I'm sorry I wasn't... But at least we have tomorrow."
Skye smiled at that, "Yeah, we do."
May kissed Skye's temple then released her from the hug, "Now for the last time go to bed."
Skye wiped the remaining tears before climbing into the bed. Once she was settled, May turned out the light and took her seat. She couldn't sleep with Skye tonight, the BUS was still in the air and if something happened, May needed to be ready. And if May had to get up and leave in the middle of the night, she didn't want to disturb Skye.
So she took a seat and waited for Skye to fall asleep. When May was certain Skye was asleep, she stood up from her chair and walked upstairs to the cockpit to find someone waiting for her. Coulson had been in there long, only half an hour at most give or take a few minutes.
"I've always liked this view," Coulson said as May walked to the pilot's chair, "It's still, quiet, peaceful."
May sat and nodded along, she really didn't have anything to say. May didn't like flying for the view, she liked it for the solitude and the freedom it provided her thoughts.
"What's on your mind," May asked softly knowing that was why Coulson was here.
Although it wasn't uncommon for him to randomly come up to the cockpit or wait for her to arrive, but there was always a reason. Whether he told her the reason or not, it was there. Coulson wanted to tell May everything on his mind, everything that was weighing him down, but he couldn't bring himself to speak. There was so much going on his head, the Clairvoyant, GH-325, Skye…. He just didn't know how to handle it all.
"I think the better question is what isn't on my mind," Coulson said lightly.
May looked over at him with soft eyes, "Whatever is going on, you don't have to face it alone. All the agents downstairs are here for you, I'm here for you."
"I know," Coulson said. His blue eyes met her gaze and he felt himself lost in a sea of brown.
The way her eyes shined like stars in the darkness, how her soft skin glowed in the dim light of the moon. Her hair hung loosely at her shoulders and even with the space between them, Coulson could still smell her cherry blossom shampoo. It was weak to everyone, but to him it was the only thing he could smell.
"There's something, something I need to ask you," Coulson whispered.
May swallowed hard, she was afraid of what he might ask of her, but nodded nonetheless. She would always be there to help him, she owed him that.
Coulson took a deep breath and said, "With everything going on… will you stand with me?"
"You know I would," May told him gently, "You know I'll always be by your side."
Coulson believed May, he knew she would always be there, but he needed to hear her say it. Even though they didn't need words, sometimes it was nice to hear them.
Hoarsely Coulson went on, "Even after everything, you'll stand by me?"
May gave him a sad smile, "You've always stood by me Phil, even when I pushed you away. No matter what's happened you've always been by my side and I'm going to stay by yours until the end."
May saw something flicker in Coulson's crystal blue eyes, but she wasn't sure what it was. It was as if something had clicked in him, like realizing the answer to an impossible riddle. Their eyes locked, neither one willing to look away just yet. Both wanting to make their point across to the other, but not having the right words to say.
"I'm planning something May," Coulson tells her, "Something that will go against protocol, go against codes and I can't make a promise that no line will be crossed. There's a lot I want- a lot I need to tell you, but I can't tell you now. Not yet. Do you trust me Melinda?"
May felt herself choke at the sound of her name as she responded, "With my life."
Coulson said, "Then I need you to trust me, now more than ever because I trust you May, I trust you and I need you to trust me."
"I do trust you," May told him.
"Good," Coulson said, "because there are some things that could pop up and I need to know you'll still be there when I turn around."
"Do you remember what you said to me the night Skye was saved," May asked, when Coulson nodded she went on, "Do you remember the first night you told me that? The first time we said it to each other."
Coulson remembered the night well, it was burned in the back of his mind and was always there, lingering. The very first time Coulson had ever said the phrase to her was after one of their first missions. New agents only go on small missions to begin with out in the field, this way they can ease into the process. May and Coulson were an exception to this rule.
May had been under Agent Hand's wing, while Coulson had been under Fury's. Having two high ranked agents behind them, they both had a great deal of training, skills and talent. Their first mission had been hard, most of their missions were hard, but nothing they couldn't handle. It had been after their tenth mission together that Coulson told her this phrase.
Being an agent, it forces you to make hard choices and sometimes they'll be choices you won't want to make.
May was outstanding in the field, especially for a new agent, but she was hiding something. The night after their mission, Coulson found May in her apartment where everything had been either thrown out of place or broken. She was sitting on the floor of the living room with a blank stare. Being an agent was hard, both in the physical and emotional aspect. Every new agent goes through a period where they have a breakdown from the being out in the field.
I know you Mel, what has happened does not define who you are, it helps you to become who you want to be.
Coulson had gone through his own breakdown after the second mission when he had snapped the neck of an attacker and managed to shoot three other attackers. Killing was never easy, but in the moment it doesn't matter that they've taken a life. It's afterwards, remembering it is what really gets them. May had taken a number of lives and had faced many untold fears.
Is it hard sometimes to just walk away, to stay calm when the rest of the world is crashing down? Yes, but we signed up for this and we will get through it together. You mean a lot to me Mel, nothing will ever change that. I want you to focus on what I tell you next and I want you to know I meant it.
"I remember you said that you felt torn," Coulson said softly, "That being out there in the field made you understand exactly what you were capable of and that frightened you."
May nodded slightly, "It did and I remember what you said to me, I've never forgotten it."
"No matter what has happened. No matter what you've done. No matter what you will do. I will always love and stand by you. I swear it," Coulson said absently recalling the day.
May replied, "I mean it Phil. No matter what I will be there for you."
Coulson believed her, he knew he could always rely on May. He just wanted to hear her say it like he knew she wanted to hear him say it back.
Teaser
"We're getting close."
"I could have walked."
"A precaution against what?"
"Melinda are you in there?"
Guess it's the difference between fighting against something and fighting for something, or someone.