Phil sighed as he looked up at the ceiling. It was the night before Summerslam now and while he knew that he needed to get some sleep, his mind wouldn't shut off long enough to allow him to do so. All he could do was think about how the next few days were going to go down. Jeff was planning on losing both at Summerslam and on the loser leaves the WWE match they had planned for Smackdown. He would put on one hell of a show so it wasn't obvious to the fans that he was intentionally taking his final bow, but this was his final blaze of glory (for now anyway). Phil knew that this was what Jeff wanted and he planned on being as supportive as he could. But at the same time, he wasn't sure how Jeff leaving was going to affect their relationship. Long distance relationships were hard enough as it was, and long distance relationships in wrestling seemed to work even less than regular ones. Add in the fact that there were still some leftover trust issues on Phil's part, and it made the doubts he had in the back of his mind even stronger.

Jeff rolled over and draped his arm over Phil. "Love ya Philly," he said sleepily, kissing the back of Phil's neck softly.

Phil just traced his finger over the vine tattoo that had made it's way down from Jeff's arm to the back of his hand and his fingers.

"Philly?" Jeff said after a couple of minutes.

"Yeah?"

"Did you hear me?"

"Yeah. I heard you." The phrase "uncomfortable silence" took on a whole new meaning in the moments that followed. Even though Phil wasn't facing Jeff, he could tell that the Rainbow Haired Warrior was pretending like he didn't need to hear a certain phrase said in return. Phil took a deep breath and tried to give it a shot just for Jeff's sake. "I…I..I um…fuck." The words were refusing to come out of his mouth.

"Forget it," Jeff finally said. "Just forget about it." His voice betrayed how much that actually bothered him.

Phil groaned and turned on the lamp that was by the bed. There was no way in hell he was going to be able to sleep now. "You can't just ask me to say it. That's something I need to say on my own."

"I never asked you to say it," Jeff said, sounding just a little bit irritated.

"Your silence spoke volumes," Phil pointed out.

Jeff groaned loudly and rolled off the bed. "Fuck, don't fucking talk like that. It makes you sound like Mark when he's trying to interrogate me." He started looking around for his pants, which had been discarded somewhere down on the floor.

"It's the truth," Phil muttered. He rubbed his eyes and looked at the clock. It was two in the morning. He and Jeff both had to get up early to do promotional work for the pay per view and if they didn't get some sleep soon, work was going to be a nightmare.

Jeff rolled his eyes. "Yeah yeah, whatever." He slipped his jeans on without putting on any underwear.

Phil chewed on his lip ring. "Where are you going?"

"Nowhere," Jeff replied.

"Then why are you putting your pants on?"

Jeff just shrugged. "Maybe I just feel like it."

Phil sighed. Jeff was definitely upset. "Jeff please, just come back to bed. We need to get some sleep."

"I'm not tired," Jeff mumbled. That was a total lie though. He was having a hard time even keeping his eyes open.

Phil hesitated for a moment before getting up and walking over to Jeff. "Come on, just come lay down with me," he said. He grabbed Jeff's hand and pulled him back over to the bed. Jeff let himself get pulled along until they actually reached the bed. Then he surprised Phil by pushing him down on to the mattress and then quickly straddling his lap. "Jeff!" Phil exclaimed, his mind momentarily flashing back to what Jeff used to do to him before. "What the hell are you doing?"

Jeff didn't respond verbally; at least not right away. First he planted little butterfly kisses all over Phil's collar bone before looking the Straightedge Superstar in the eyes. "Phil? Do you love me?"

Phil blinked before taking a deep breath. "Don't ask me that. That's not fair."

"Why isn't it fair?" Jeff asked as he gently brushed a piece of Phil's hair behind his ear. "It's a legitimate question."

"Yeah but that's not something I just say before I'm ready to," Phil replied, hoping he could make Jeff understand his point. "I've been in a shitload of relationships and probably have only told like two of the people I was with that I loved them."

"What made them different from everyone else?"

Phil shrugged. "I don't know. I mean, I dated those two girls for a really long time and it took me months before I said that to them." And they never hurt me in the way you did Jeff. How I am supposed to tell you that I love you when I'm still learning to trust you again? He didn't say that last part out loud though. Jeff was trying to be better and he didn't want to fuck that up.

Unfortunately, just because he didn't say what he was thinking, didn't mean that Jeff didn't figure it out anyway. There was a moment where Jeff started to say something but then he just sighed and kissed Phil on the forehead. "I'll be back in the minute," he said as he got up and grabbed the room key off from the television. "I'm going to go get something to drink."

"You've got a Mountain Dew right over there," Phil said, pointing to the bottle in question that was still sitting on the table.

Jeff ignored him and left the room anyway.

"Fuck," Phil muttered. He punched the mattress before sitting up. He wasn't sorry for not telling Jeff that he loved him. Because of all the bullshit that had happened before, Phil often found himself wondering what exactly his feelings towards Jeff were. And until he figured them out, he refused to say the words that could possibly turn out to not be true later. When he told someone that he loved them, he wanted to mean it with one hundred percent certainty. It was just the way he was.

Should I have just said it anyway? he wondered as he got back under the covers and stared up at the ceiling. Should I have told him what he wanted to hear? He thought about that for a second before rubbing his face. No, I did the right thing. If I would have told him that I loved him and it turns out that I really don't, then I would have regretted it. And regret is something I really don't want to have to fucking deal with.

…

Jeff put his back to the vending machine and slid down to the floor. His money was back in his wallet (which was still in his and Phil's room) so he couldn't actually get something to drink. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He felt like an idiot. He should have known that Phil wasn't going to say he loved him. He didn't have any reason to do it. After everything Jeff had done to him, he was still lucky to even have Phil. He really didn't need to push his luck.

But he chose to give you another chance, a whiny and desperate voice pointed out. That has to mean something, doesn't it? He could love you, but maybe he just can't admit it yet. Maybe--

Jeff banged the back of his head against the vending machine. He didn't want to think about maybes. Maybes always drove him crazy. And he was crazy enough as it was, so he really didn't need any help in that department.

"Uh oh, what happened? Did Phil kick you out? Do I need to kick his ass?"

Jeff opened his eyes and looked up. Hunter was standing in front of him. "No, I just…I'm just an idiot." He got back up to his feet. "What are you doing up?"

Hunter shrugged. "Can't sleep."

"That sucks."

"Yeah." Hunter rubbed the back of his neck. "Now seriously, why are you out wondering about? Why did you call yourself an idiot?"

Jeff sighed. He didn't want to talk about it, but he knew that he wasn't really going to get a choice in the matter. Hunter wasn't the type to give up until he found out what he wanted to know. "I told Phil I loved him."

"So? I think I heard you say that to him the other night."

"I know but…I kind of wanted him to say it back."

"And I'm guessing he didn't," Hunter guessed. He shook his head. "Did you freak out or something?"

"No, not really. It just bothered me, even though it shouldn't have. I mean I can't make him say it and I can't make him feel the way I do."

Hunter grinned a little bit. "Now see, that's progress right there. A few months ago you would have said that Phil was going to love you whether he wanted to or not."

Jeff shook his head. "Yeah but I just feel selfish now. I wanted him to say that he loved me and the thought about making him crossed my mind--"

"But did you act on it?" Hunter asked.

"No."

"Then that's what's important." Hunter patted Jeff on the shoulder. "You see Jeff, just because you change your actions doesn't mean you won't ever think about how you used to do things. You might still have thoughts about making Phil do something he doesn't want to do for your own pleasure or gain, but if you don't act on them, then eventually those thoughts are going to get fewer and farther between. Hell, maybe they'll even disappear completely. I don't know for sure cuz I haven't really changed my spots over the years." He ruffled Jeff's hair. "Now go get some sleep. You've got a long day to get through tomorrow."

"Yes Momma Hunter."

Hunter's eyes widened. "What did you just call me?"

Jeff just laughed before running back to his room. He could hear Hunter coming after him so he got the door unlocked as fast as he could, jumped into the room and slammed the door behind him before diving under the covers of the bed and startling the shit out of Phil.

"What the fuck are you running from?" Phil asked as Jeff snuggled up to him.

"Hunter," Jeff answered. "I called him Momma Hunter…he didn't take that too well for some reason." He rested his head on Phil's chest. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Phil was already closing his eyes. He didn't have the energy to try to keep himself awake.

"For being an idiot."

"Oh. Okay." He took a deep breath and then started to snore.

Jeff sighed and gently kissed Phil's chin before closing his own eyes. "Love you Philly," he mumbled. "Even if you don't love me back.