Part seven
Summary: How could it be wrong when it felt so right?

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Chapter 1- Maybe, just maybe
Summary: "Without wrong, we wouldn't be able to live out here"

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"I love you."

The three words hung in the air between them like a dense fog. She knew that he heard her, but she couldn't pick up on any thoughts at all. He was in shock.

"I can't quantify the effects you have on me. Whenever I'm around you I feel safe and there's fireflies dancing around. Preacher man says some things can't be explained. And someone said I'd just know and I," she got up to start pacing, but quickly sat back down when a hot shot of pain surged through her foot.

"do know. It's confusing. Muddled. Pollution in the water. I know how the blonde feels towards his wife and Simon towards Kaylee and that's how I feel only stronger but I also know that you don't feel the same. It's just…when you were shot—both times—I just felt like…I couldn't…if you had died…"

She paused to clear her racing train of thought and collect herself. He was still in shock and completely unable to think, speak, or breathe.

"It doesn't make any sense that I feel this way when I know that you don't requite the feelings. Don't say that you do because you don't. I'm too young. Too crazy. Too broken. I always will be. I wanted you to know how I felt in case something happens."

Silence.

Simon walked back into the kitchen. River practically jumped at the opportunity.

"Simon, can you carry me to my room?"

"Sure mei mei."

Simon picked her up and then looked at Mal.

"Captain? Are you alright? You look pale…"

He opened his mouth to say something, but quickly shut it again with a small inclination of his head.

"Call me if you need anything," Simon said over his shoulder as they left. River didn't even look back.

Mal sat there for a long time, he wasn't sure for how long, replaying her words over and over and over again. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know what he was thinking or feeling. It was all one big blur.

"Hey Mal," Wash said cheerfully on his way to the counter to get a snack. When he didn't say anything back, he noticed how pale he looked. "What's wrong?"

Once again he opened his mouth and then snapped it shut again. Wash sat across from him with a bowl of protein.

"If you wanna talk you know…" he offered.

Mal took a deep breath, ignoring the sting that came with the movement of his chest. "What would you say if I told you that River is in love with me?"

"I'd say 'it took you long enough to figure that out'."

"What?"

"Please. It's obvious. Everyone knows that she's got a thing for you."

"Why didn't anyone say anything?"

"Wasn't our place. How'd you finally figure it out?"

"She told me."

"That explains the look on your face when I walked in here. What are you gonna do?"

"I don't know…"

"Well, how do you feel about her?"

"Don't know that either."

"Talk it out."

"I'm not one for talkin'."

"I'm not one for listening. Just talk."

"What could I say? She's eighteen and I'm thi……not. I haven't been in……a very long time."

"I knew it. I told Kaylee you wouldn't be able to get past the age difference."

"One hell of an age difference."

"Mal, Mal, Mal…out here it doesn't matter! What matters is how you feel about her."

"I don't know how I feel."

"Think on it. Something tells me that my fly girl will wait."

His eyes narrowed at "my." Wash grinned.

"You have to figure out how you feel for yourself. Do you remember when Zoe and I were first together?"

"How can I forget? I walked in on you more times than I care to recall."

"That was before I added the lock on the bridge."

"Your point?"

"You didn't want us to be together."

"No."

"But we were together anyway because it felt right. Sure we're different and sometimes I wanna kill her, but I love her and that's all that matters. Are you catching my drift, Cap'in?"

"I can't just ignore the fact that she's at least…" he stopped. He didn't want to know how many years it was exactly.

"So what? If you love her back-"

"I don't know."

"Think on it."

"It's not just the age thing. There's Simon and the shipboard romance rule and Inara…"

"Kaylee will make Simon accept it, that rule is shot to hell, and if you wanted to be with Inara you would have made some move by now. You're running out of excuses. Can't you just accept that maybe, just maybe, you feel the same?"

"I can't! It ain't right! It's wrong. Very very very wrong."

"Wrong?" Wash snorted. "Wrong is just an opinion. Some say it's wrong to steal. Some say it's wrong to smuggle or to kill or to harbor fugitives-"

"I get the gorram point!"

"We're criminals, Mal. Without wrong we wouldn't be able to live out here."

He stopped to let his words sink in.

"Besides, when is the last time you've slept alone?"

He couldn't remember.

"Mull it over," Wash added on his way towards the bridge. He stopped and turned back. "If you do decide to go for it and you hurt her, Simon won't be the only one kicking your pigu."

****

River sat on her bed clinging to the drawing she still kept hidden in her pillow. Usually she didn't have to look at it because Mal was right there, but she was afraid that he'd never be around her ever again. She scared him away. She just knew it.

She sat there looking at it for a long time hoping that she didn't ruin the single best thing since the Academy.

Oh Simon was great too, but he'd always be there. He was her brother and took care of her always. And he always would, even if he didn't want to. They were tied together by the blood running through their veins and that's why he'd stay.

Mal would stay anyway. By choice. He fought for her more than once. By choice. Protected her. By choice. And now he would most likely leave. By choice.

She didn't have a choice. She fell in love with him by accident. It wasn't her fault that out of everyone her heart chose him. She wished she hadn't fallen so hard, but at the same time it was worth the pain. He'd always be worth the pain.

The door slid open and she swiftly tucked the picture away just as Zoe stepped in.

"Mind if I sit?"

"No."

She shut the door and cautiously sat on the edge of the bed. "How are you feelin'?"

"I'm alright. How's your hand?"

"It's okay."

"Sorry."

"Sorry 'bout the rum."

River managed a weak laugh. "That's okay. It finally washed out, but I ran out of shampoo."

"I heard from my husband that you've got a bit of a situation."

She heard it in Zoe's mind. "You're in love with Mal."

"I do," River said softly with a blush covering her cheeks.

"I heard you're in love with the captain."

She nodded stiffly.

"You sure?" Zoe asked.

"Yes. I don't mean to, but I feel things…like what you feel for the blonde…" Zoe chuckled and she continued, "…and it's like that, but not."

"What is it like?"

"Home. Safety. Like when I saw he was shot I thought that if he died…I'd die too."

Zoe smiled, really smiled, and listened to River prattle about how he made her feel.

"It's confusing and irrational and real," she finally finished.

"That's love."

"It is?"

"He takes awhile to process things since the war. He left some of him back in that valley, but seems to me like you bring it back to him. I ain't ever seen him like he is with you. Not since before Serenity Valley. He'll come around. Give it time and patience."

"You think that he feels the same?"

"Yes, but you didn't hear it from me."

River grinned. "Thank you."

"No problem," she got up and turned back towards her. "But if you hurt him-"

"I know. You'll kick my pigu."

She nodded and left River to her thoughts.

Zoe knew him better than everyone else. Maybe, just maybe, there was a chance that he felt the same…

(Pigu- butt)