Few weeks later
Harrison heard the characteristic whoosh coming from behind while he was working. In fact, work was just about everything he was able to do recently, making for a welcoming and very useful distraction. While tinkering with various devices on his earth's S.T.A.R. Labs, he at least had a brief respite from thinking and most importantly, feeling. He was just about done with the latter, still not able to sleep at nights, so naturally he was spending all of his time in the lab, giving Jesse a headache as she was so worried about him.
He didn't even raise his head from the thing he was working on as he knew there was only one person who could pop in and out through a portal without any warning and that was Cisco. In the end, Wells was just glad the guy always chose the same place to create a breach, because if Ramon followed him around, he might be in danger or being caught in a bathroom and none of them wanted that.
"Harry, we need more. Any other ideas about the canon you might be hiding up your sleeve?" the younger man asked without a proper greeting as he took off his goggles and made his way to his friend sitting by the work table. "It's still not enough to get Barry out."
Harrison hadn't actually found out about Allen sacrificing himself and accepting his penance in the speedforce until Ramon popped into his earth the first time around. Yet, he couldn't care less. In fact, he didn't care about anything those days, having lost the one thing that was the most important to him, the one thing that held him together. Now he found himself thrown off balance and didn't really know how to exist anymore.
"I gave you everything I had, Ramon," he eventually responded harshly, his hands still holding the tools.
"How's being with team Flash on this earth working for you anyway?" Cisco went with then, seeing that as always, he couldn't really reach his friend and that hurt more than he was willing to admit. Today might be a better day, though, he thought. Because today he actually had some good news. He was just waiting for the right moment, not sure how to even breach the subject.
"They're bunch of idiots," Wells responded in his typical fashion.
"Yeah, that explains you're always working alone when I come to see you. Why don't you just go home with me, Harry?"
"I already have a home."
"That's not what I meant. You're not happy here and I can see that."
"Yeah, and you know why that is exactly!" Harrison answered in a hostile voice. In fact, every time Cisco touched upon the topic, he only got more defensive.
Well, the younger guy figured, it was now or never. Otherwise he might never get through to him.
"I found her," he simply said and in that moment something finally changed. Harry dropped the tools, but yet still refused to look up.
"What?" was all that came out of his lips and Cisco could tell that he was doing everything in his power to remain calm and contained.
"And here's a newsflash for you, Harry. She's Caitlin again. Our Caitlin."
There was silence during which Wells just sat there, frozen. Eventually, he responded with, "You're lying and that's a new low for you, Ramon. We both know that if she were really…" he released a ragged sigh before finally continuing. "She would've come here with you if that had truly been her." He raised a shaky hand to his forehead to rub there as sudden pain shoot throughout his entire body, starting at his chest and exploding in every other direction. It was only getting harder for him instead of easier, the wound always bleeding, always opening up in the least expected moments. Because every time he thought of her, of his Snow, of her smile, of the way she looked at him… he couldn't take it. He couldn't believe she was just gone. It was supposed to be him leaving first, he thought, considering his age, not her. Never her. She was never supposed to leave him!
"We both know I wouldn't lie to you like this, Harry," Cisco said in a soft voice and after a brief moment of hesitation, he placed his hand on his friend's shoulder, squeezing gently. "I don't know why she hasn't reached out already. I guess you're just gonna have to ask her that yourself. But we both know her well, don't we? She didn't forget about you or any of us, Harry. She's probably scared, ridden with guilt. She hurt us all and she hurt you the most. She probably doesn't have the courage to face us just yet."
"Or she hates me for not respecting her last wish," Harry said in a resigned voice.
"I highly doubt that," Cisco disagreed immediately. "She's alive and back to her old self. She must've taken the cure, so don't tell me it wasn't worth it if we can have her back. If you can have her back… Harry, I know you're hurting…" he tried one more time, seeing that the man was just sitting there, not moving. Maybe he just needed time to process.
"You have no idea what I've been through!" Wells suddenly raised his voice when standing up and turning around to face Cisco. Needless to say, the guy was startled by the sudden outburst.
"I know! I know!" he quickly followed with when raising his hands up in a gesture of surrender. "All I'm saying, man, is that you won't know until you see her. Harry, come on! It's your Snow! We both know you have to see her. You won't move on or get any kind of closure otherwise. Or maybe you'll find something you didn't expect. Maybe you'll find something amazing there. You just have to go and see her. Please. Here's the address, so… whenever you're ready…" Cisco took a folded piece of paper from his pocket and left it on the table. Then he opened a breach and left.
All Harrison could do in the end was to just stare at the paper before he finally picked it up with a shaky hand.
It'd taken him exactly an hour to compose himself and then to open a portal for himself in the breach room, eventually arriving back at the S.T.A.R. Labs on Earth 1. He didn't show up in the cortex, though; just left his stuff in his old room, trying to ignore another pang of pain at the memories of him living there before Snow had asked him to move in with her. Whatever Cisco might've said to him, this still wasn't home. She was. And he would be damned if he didn't get her back if there was even a smallest chance of that. If he didn't succeed, then he wasn't sure whether there would be anything left of him in the end, but he didn't care. He loved her too damn much and this was his chance. His very last one.
He was surprised that he actually arrived at a bar, frowning at the piece of paper Ramon had left him. Then again, the guy wouldn't deliberately mislead him, not in this, not when it came to Snow. His hope got a little squashed when thinking that Caitlin wouldn't work in such a place, at least not his Cait, so maybe in the end he didn't really know her anymore. Maybe Ramon was wrong.
Eventually, he took a deep breath and walked through the door, noticing her immediately. In fact, his eyes didn't see anything else but her lean and gorgeous figure behind the bar. The room was filled with people, mostly men, but he didn't pay any attention to them, slowly making his way towards the counter, his eyes never leaving her, taking in her attire that was a tight white shirt and ripped jeans. Even this seemed off as he'd never before in his life seen Caitlin Snow dressed like this. So maybe she truly wasn't his Snow anymore. Maybe she was something else. Though the ice and white hair were gone and she seemed to have no problem touching various bottles behind the bar as none of them froze underneath her fingers.
The closer he was getting to her, the harder his heart was beating and he truly thought he was too old for this, that one of those days, maybe even today, depending on how this meeting went, he would get a heart attack. He was almost fifty, after all.
She stilled when he finally reached the bar and took the free seat, his hands shaky so he decided to keep them to himself for now instead of leaning against the counter. His heart only fastened, threatening to jump straight out of his ribcage when he saw her turn as though in a slow motion until her eyes met his. In that moment, something changed. He felt pain again. Pain shooting throughout his chest, but it wasn't because she didn't care. It was quite the opposite, actually. There was something in her eyes, something that seemed so, so familiar it ached. She had trouble composing herself at first and that was another sign that this, indeed, might be his Snow.
He desperately wanted to say something, anything, but somehow he couldn't seem to. He could just sit there, stare into her eyes and watch them slowly fill up with tears.
When he finally opened his mouth, ready to ask her the one question he was so desperate to get the answer to, they were suddenly interrupted.
"Is this old creep bothering you?" someone asked from his left and he immediately bristled, feeling offended before it was all replaced by sadness. Old creep? Had he really aged so much during those last few weeks following her disappearance that them being in love seemed so wrong and off to people? Then again, it wasn't as though he'd ever cared about what people thought of him, so he just brushed the guy off by finally speaking, "The lady's fine."
He wished the first words out of his mouth after such a long absence would actually be directed at her, but oh, well.
The man was still there, though, looking at Snow expectantly.
"It's fine. He's more than welcome," she said and Harry's head spun on hearing this familiar and dear to him voice. What more, he didn't even know what to do with what she said when using it. She must've still been in love with him, right? Otherwise she wouldn't have…
The man lingered a bit, still, so Wells just shot him a look and he finally left.
"Why didn't you reach out?" the question was out of his mouth before he could stop it and when he looked back at her, they were both surprised by it.
There was a short pause before she answered, seeming not to be able to look into his eyes, but in the same time she couldn't stop.
"I was… ashamed," she eventually confessed, finally lowering her gaze as though indicating what she just said. He didn't answer, waiting for more, actually bracing himself for it and trying not to think how right Cisco might've been. "I know I broke your heart, Harry," she added, close to crying, her voice shaky. "I… God, I can't do this here," she suddenly said then when briefly looking into his blues, her hazels all in tears. "Can we meet after my shift is over, please?"
He was disappointed and relieved in the same time. He really wanted to keep talking to her, to connect with her again, to get to know every little detail of how she'd gotten herself back, but he might've needed some time to calm himself down as well.
So, in the end, he just nodded, swallowing hard and running a shaky hand over his mouth.
"When?" was all he asked.
"I… Oh, no," she gasped. "I can't do this… I can't…"
Before he knew what was happening, she turned around and left through the back door.
No, something screamed inside of him. He would not let this go now that he was finally talking to her! Not when she was back!
Without a second thought, he simply jumped over the bar and followed her, hoping no one noticed that.
He caught a glimpse of her leaving the building and fastened up, catching up with her outside.
"Where are you going?!"
"Harry, just… not now!" she yelled with her back turned to him, her hands made into fists. She seemed to be struggling with something and he couldn't grasp what it might be.
"I just want to understand what a woman with two fucking doctorates and a PhD is doing in such a place!" That was it, he thought once screaming all of that. He officially lost it. So much for a calm conversation. Then again, she was the one who fucking ran away from him and he wanted to know why!
"You just crossed a line, pal!" they heard a voice coming from the door and Harry spotted there the guy from before.
He charged to attack when he suddenly screamed in pain, ice flowing his way and he made a step backwards, doing his best to avoid it.
"I thought I made it clear for you, Norvak, to stay away from him!" Killer Frost screamed at the intruder, her hair white, the eyes icy cold.
And Harrison could just stand there and gape at her, by now not even able to feel anything, so shocked he was. He truly thought she was back. He thought that his Caitlin was back and now this? He couldn't wrap his brain around it all, actually feeling dizzy.
Norvak, as the man's name must've been, retreated, his hands raised up in the air, the door closing behind him and once Harry looked back at Frost, he saw her transform right in front of his bloody eyes. Barely a few seconds passed and she was back to being Caitlin.
"You wanted the truth?" she asked, shame and pain both clear in her voice, "so you got it. Happy?"
"I… I'm not following," he admitted, perplexed. "Are you Killer Frost or…?" the second name refused to get past his throat, so scared he was of the answer, of her shutting his hopes down, yet, once again. That he wouldn't survive and they both knew it. Or maybe rather Snow would know it as he was sure Frost didn't really care.
"The cure didn't work," she provided him with the unexpected answer. "Or at least it only worked half-way. I am me, Harry, I'm just Caitlin, but… whenever I'm angry or scared, she comes forward and takes over."
It took him a moment for that to sink in, but in the end he decided it was still the best news he'd heard for a very long time. And suddenly, everything seemed to fit into place.
"Can you control it?" he eventually asked.
"Yes," the welcomed answer came. "Most of the times, yes, I can. So don't you worry, Killer Frost won't be making any surprised appearances. Well, unless you piss me off or terrify me to death," she tired joking, but then instead of a smile in her eyes, he again spotted tears. "Oh, Harry… I'm so… I'm so sorry I didn't reach out. I really am. I just… You don't deserve this," she pointed herself. "You don't deserve two people occupying this body. It's too much. I just… I wanted to find a permanent solution first. I wanted to fix myself first," she admitted, by now crying for real and his heart reached out to her. In fact, he wanted nothing more than to just make her his again.
"I don't care," he said to her astonishment. He couldn't possibly keep his distance any longer, he couldn't possibly stop himself. He walked straight to her and cupped her face, forcing her beautiful eyes to meet his. "I love you. I always have and I don't care if there's still something wrong, Snow. I want to be with you. It's you and me against the world, against fate, remember?"
"But… but I hurt you," she sobbed just then, shaking underneath his touch, craving for his body to be hers so badly, yet still trying to deny that herself, because she felt as though she didn't deserve it. "I broke your heart."
"No," he disagreed. "She did. You fought bravely till the end and if someone's to blame here… Allen ran back in time and gave you those powers. I ripped that necklace off of you even though you asked me not to. We are all to blame and I think it's time you should forgive yourself, because I forgave you a lot time ago. In fact, there was nothing to forgive, Caitlin, because it wasn't your fault."
"Well," she finally said, emotions overcoming her completely, "I did fight. For you. Always for you, Harrison. I made her take the cure," she revealed. "I wish I convinced her sooner, but…" her words were cut off by his lips that crashed against her, drinking her in as though he was dying of thirst on a desert. And maybe he was. And he was finally back home, he finally found his oasis again and he would be damned if he let her go one more time.
She kissed him back, desperate to feel his lips on hers, desperate for his touch, but then she only cried harder both from happiness and heartache and he ended up kissing off those tears before sweeping her into his arms, finally embracing her, feeling her fitting there perfectly.
Yes, he would most definitely never let her go ever again. Ever.
"Snow?" he eventually asked while they just stood there together, embraced.
"Yeah?" her voice came out muffled as her face was pressed against his jacket, breathing all that was him in and basking herself in it.
"Can we just go home?"
The door to their apartment opened and Harry let her in first, closing it behind them, watching her as she crossed the hall to get to the living room. It'd been so long since she'd been there that the sight of this place, of the place where they'd actually lived together for a few months, caused her heart to ache. But he was there with her now as she immediately felt him pressing against her back and she leaned into his body, reveling in the warm and alive feeling of him, not able to believe that they'd both been through hell and back. That somehow she'd lost herself along the way, become this cold monster who'd hurt him more than anyone in this world.
She knew now about HR's death and Barry being trapped in the speedforce and she felt so sorry for both the men and for poor Iris who'd just lost the man she loved, for Tracy… So much tragedy. And she'd taken part in all of it.
"No," Harry then denied, releasing her from his arms as he turned her around to be able to look her in the eye. "None of that, Snow. It wasn't your fault. You fought bravely and for as long as you could."
"I sold you all out to Savitar."
"No," he disagreed again, "Killer Frost did."
"But how is this possible that this unknown being, this… completely separate metahuman is living inside of me? It must be me somehow… I just…" She bit on her lip when trying to figure that out. "I've been actually thinking about it a lot recently."
"I don't know," he admitted, running his hand through his hair, messing it up and creating a very tantalizing sight for her. "I admit it bugs me, too, but she must be separate from you, because nothing about her is like you."
"Maybe we could eventually work this out."
"And we will," he assured her, reaching to her and brushing her hair behind her ear. "At some point. Just… just promise me one thing."
"Anything."
"Together till the end?"
There it was. A first real smile that appeared on her face and it was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen, he thought when reaching to her and kissing her slowly, gently, savoring her lips before deepening the kiss and tasting her, discovering how much he missed this. Nothing mattered anymore. Not Killer Frost or HR's death or Allen stuck in the speedforce. At least not for now. Now they had this. They could finally reunite properly, erasing all those bad weeks prior and leaving them behind, embracing this new reality, embracing the new problems and staying together through them all. Still, something told Harry that the worst was already behind them.
Before they knew it, they found themselves in the bedroom and Harry slowly began undressing her, getting himself reacquainted with every inch of her body, kissing every part of her skin while she was trying to take his clothes off as well, finally succeeding and having him naked right over her, kissing her again before his lips traced down, down until he licked her navel, causing her to giggle briefly before settling his head between her legs and working on her properly, bringing her to her first climax this way, using his lips, tongue and fingers.
She was still dazed, coming down from her first high when he got up, finding her lips again, letting her taste herself while settling his pelvis between her legs, already being so hard he nearly couldn't take it.
"Do I seem old to you?" he suddenly asked then and she stilled, her eyes focusing on his face as she burst out laughing.
"What?"
"That guy… Norvak? He called me an old creep."
"Just because he has the hots for Killer Frost and she hates him, always icing him."
"Well… but that doesn't…"
"Harry," Caitlin cupped his face and locked her eyes with his, "first of all, you have nothing to be worry about when it comes to Killer Frost and her guy preferences. She wouldn't be able to date any even if she wanted because her kiss kills. Second of all, I will never think of you as old. You're simply mine and you always will be."
"Good answer," he hummed in appreciation when finally lining up and entering her, both of them groaning loudly at the sensation since it'd been a while.
"Oh, I missed you so much," Caitlin moaned straight into his lips as he pulled back and pushed in again, releasing another heavy groan, her hands holding onto his already flexed arms tightly, enjoying the texture of those gorgeous muscles.
"Me, too… Me, too… I love you so… so much…"
They lost their control pretty fast, both being so needy that the sex grew desperate and highly emotional, not to mention the moment they finally reached their peak together, just staying in each other's arms afterwards, not able to believe, yet, that this was real.
Eventually, Harrison did slip out of her and turned to his back, Caitlin ending up with her head pillowed on his chest.
"I'm sorry I didn't listen to you, Snow," he felt the need to apologize, draping one of his arms around her as he pulled her closer. "I know you told me to let you go, but I…"
"It's ok," she assured him when looking up at him. "I understand, Harry."
"I don't regret it," he told her. "Despite all the pain and the hardship, I still don't regret it, because I finally got you back. I just feel like I need to say it… so you wouldn't hold it against me. I went against your wishes, but I couldn't just let you die. Not when there was still hope."
"There's nothing to forgive, because I am glad you ripped that necklace off," she reveled and then she sat up before moving to straddle him while meeting his blues again. "I was weak in that moment, but you were strong for me and for that I will be eternally grateful, Harrison." She cupped his face when leaning forward on his chest. "I love you for it. So that being said, let's just leave it behind us."
"You got it," he agreed hoarsely and was immediately glad for the distraction of her kissing him since he was in a danger of losing it again.
He felt himself harden once more instead and she took him inside her in no time, rocking slowly against him, making slow and sweet love to him.
It still wasn't enough. He still needed more, so he sat up, his arms embracing her as they moved together. For now nothing existed or mattered but them.
AN: So, did I make up for the last chapter?