Jason set up a laptop on the table and began reading the files on it. Batman wanted him to read up on some of his cases and try to get a feel for how the Dark Knight worked. He knew how to operate as a criminal. Now he had to learn to look at things from a detective's point of view. He'd spent most of last night reading and looking through crime scene photos. Alfred normally didn't allow anything crime-fighting related out of the Batcave, but Jason hadn't told him. He had too much to learn to wait around for times when either Bruce nor Robin were using the massiver computer system in the cave. Besides, if Batman had a problem with him having 'bat' stuff in the house, he'd tell him to take it back down.
"Make sure you put that where no one will find it," Bruce told him after glancing at the screen. He could tell something was wrong as Jason sat studying the old case files. He got up and stepped over to his foster son. He scanned the screen quickly. He remembered that killer. It was one of the particularly disturbing ones. It was one of the first serial killer Batman had ever hunted. "Are you sure you're okay reading this?"
"I'm fine," Jason answered, curtly. He was silent for a few seconds. "All these people had terrible lives."
"They did and they spread that terror to others," Batman told him seriously.
"And they all came from broken homes. One or both parents were abusive, and they committed petty crimes as kids….like me," Jason told him in a strained voice. "What if I turn out like them?" That thought scared him. Had it scared them too? He didn't want that. He wanted to have a happy, semi-normal family. Maybe it wasn't too late for him, but only yesterday he'd thought about telling the reporters something that would get Peter killed.
Bruce caught hold of the chair and swung it around, so he and Jason were facing each other. He took his son by the shoulders, tightly "You're not like them. Do you hear me?"
Jason was startled by the sudden reaction. He knew Bruce wasn't angry, more like desperate. "How do you know?" Batman would know if something was wrong with him, right?
"Because I know psychopathic tendencies when I see them, and you don't have that in you," Bruce answered. He was still intense and adamant about it. He didn't want Jason to think he was capable of doing those horrible things. Yes, he could be violent, but his violence wasn't directed at the weak or innocent. He was violent out of fear or necessity, same as himself, Robin or any other person who had been through what they had face.
"Are you sure?" Jason asked. If he was like that, he didn't want Bruce teaching him the things he was learning. It would make him more dangerous and that couldn't be allowed to happen if he was going to become like others who'd been through similar things as himself.
"Positive," Batman answered. "You don't want to hurt people or animals for fun, you value human life, and even if you try to hide it, you are very tenderhearted. And do you want to know how else I know?" If he honestly thought even for a second that Jason was going down a dark road, he never would have agreed to train him. He was making this child into a living weapon, and there was no way he could take that lightly. This was dangerous. He knew that, and he would never let Jason fall into what so many before him had.
Jason nodded. He didn't see how any of that told the Dark Knight if he was capable of killing like that or not. He knew what people could do to each other. What made him different from any of those people?
"You are so much stronger than any of them. They broke, you didn't," Batman told him. Jason gave him a skeptical look. "I'm serious. You may have cracked here and there, but you never let what happened shatter the person you are."
"I thought about telling Lane and Kent what my dad did to me even though I knew it would get him killed. There's something wrong with someone who thinks about doing something like that," Jason told him.
"But you didn't and even if you had, I would have stood by your decision," Bruce told him. "We aren't responsible for what other people to do each other." Batman took a deep breath trying to think of how to explain this. "I have been in situations where I could have saved someone and chose not to. I didn't not kill these people, but I didn't save them either, because they were too evil for me to help. If I was in the same room with your father and someone was murdering him, I don't think I'd be able to stop it."
"Able to?" Jason questioned. What Bruce had said about not saving evil people made sense. Hearing that made him feel somewhat better, but he wanted Bruce to explain he wouldn't be able to stop Peter's hypothetical murder.
"Because of the abuse he put you through no amount of time in prison is even going to make the beating I gave him enough to pay for what he's done," Batman answered without thinking.
Jason's head snapped up. "What?" he asked. When did Batman beat up his dad? And why?
Bruce stiffened. He hadn't planned on telling Jason about that. "Well, you see," he began. "The first night you were here after I saw what he had done to you I went down to central holding and saw your father under the pretence of wanting information on Two-Face. I knew he wouldn't talk before I even left here. He didn't talk, so I inflicted some of the same pain on him that he put you through." Bruce watched for some kind of reaction, but Jason only sat there staring at Batman's eyes, like he was trying to see into the man's soul. It was an unnerving look. One that bore straight through Bruce.
"You did that for me? When you didn't even know me?" Jason asked after what felt like a life time to the Dark Knight. "Why?'
"Because no one should be able to do that to a child and get away with it, especially not my child," Bruce answered, as best he could. Everytime Jason flinched or fear darted across his face, it took all of Batman's self control not to finish what he'd started. He wanted Peter to suffer. He wanted that man to feel the damage Jason would be dealing with for the rest of his life.
Jason's month moved, but Bruce couldn't make out what he'd said. "What was that, Jaybird?"
"Thank you," Jay muttered. Okay, yeah, it was kind of messed up of him to thank someone for beating up his dad, but no one had ever done anything like that to protect or defend him.
Bruce couldn't help smiling. Every day Jason was showing signs he was healing. "You're very welcome. Now, where is your brother?"
Jason was a little startled at Bruce calling Dick his brother, but he didn't question it. "He's in the family room. I think something's upsetting him. He was acting kind of weird this morning. Well, weird for him." Robin had been quiet and distant, which was the complete opposite of how he usually acted. Dick was a morning person, so Jay had come to expect the older boy to be in a somewhat good mood in the morning.
"I'm going to go check on him," Bruce said, turning to go. He walked into the large family room to find Dick sitting on the couch, staring at the opposite wall blankly. Bruce had seen that look on his face many times in the last four years. He went and sat down next to his eldest son.
"What's wrong, Dickiebird?" Bruce asked.
"I'm having a Down Day, Dad," Robin answered. A few months after his parents were killed, and he'd started to do somewhat better he'd found that once in a while he'd wake up with zero motivation to get up or do anything. He wanted to scream and cry. He wanted the pain out of his head, but it wasn't going to go away no matter how hard he tried to be okay. His eight year old's mind hadn't liked the word 'Depressed', so he'd started calling these days 'Down Days'.
"Do you know what caused that?" Bruce asked, wrapping an arm about Dick's small shoulders. He loved it when Dick called him 'Dad', but his joy at hearing that name from his son was overshadowed by the pain Robin was in.
"The usual stuff," Dick told him. "I'll be fine. I just wish it would stop." He hadn't even dreamed about his parents or dead people screaming at him for help or anything.
"I know," Bruce sigh. He hated seeing his children in pain and knowing he couldn't do anything about it made it that much worse. He could stop physical pain, but he was helpless when it came to emotional pain. "Do you need anything?" He sometimes wished Dick would agree to see a counselor or consider medication for his sporadic bouts of depression, but no one could be forced to do something when it came to this. He had to want it, and Dick wanted nothing to do with those options
"Yeah," Dick answered. "A cup of coffee." Why did this have to happen now? He wished he knew what set off his 'Down Day's', so he could stop it from happening. Last night had been great, and he had to go and ruin it by having this happen.
"Okay, well. Let's go see Alfred about that, and I want you to try to eat something," Bruce said. His voice was gentle yet serious.
Dick nodded. He didn't purposely not eat when he got like this. He just forgot. It didn't seem very important when he felt everything around him was falling apart. He and Bruce walked into the kitchen where Alfred was making breakfast. Jason had come in there to see what they were having and had hopped up on the counter to watch the bacon fry. The butler saw Dick and his expression softened. He was well aware of Dick's off days. It was hard to see such a pain-filled look on the face of a child. Those were not the eyes of a child. That had been taken from Dick. His eyes were those of a wounded warrior. Bruce and Jason had the same look in their eyes. Dick could usually hid it, but not when he was dealing with the residual effects of his trama. Then the pain flowed from his eyes in crashing waves. It was overwhelming for those who knew him to see him in that state, when they knew how happy he could be.
"Coffee, Master Dick?" Alfred guessed. Robin usually wasn't allowed coffee. He didn't need the caffeine considering how little he slept with his night job.
Dick nodded. "Thanks, Al," he answered. He needed to be okay. Bruce and Alfred had enough trouble dealing with Jason's nightmares and other issues. They didn't need him having a break- down on top of everything else. He mentally corrected himself. He wasn't having a breakdown. He was experiencing the aftermath of dealing with a horrible life-altering event. He knew how to handle it. He would be fine soon. He just had to get through the bad days and enjoy the good ones.
"Master Jason, is there a reason you haven't showered yet this morning?" Alfred asked with one cocked eyebrow when he noticed that the former thief was covered in sweat.
"There's a reason," Jason shot back. His tone was slightly defensive.
"And what would that be?" Bruce asked. Jason loved showers and being clean, so this was an odd reversal. After going for long periods where he didn't have access to running water, never mind clean water, it was only natural to relish what he hadn't been able to have.
Jason didn't answer for a few seconds. "I'm not going to get in there and have a killer spider jump on my face," he responded seriously.
It took every ounce of Bruce's self restraint not to burst out laughing. Years ago he would have said he wouldn't recover from his parents murder. The pain was still there, but now there was a reason more than being Batman to live. He was a father, and his boys needed him. He was their foundation and knowing that brought him joy that he thought he'd never feel again.