Chapter 25:

I sat crawled up in a self loathing ball watching the dark house fill with shadows as twilight approached. My body crawled in discontent. I had nowhere to go, no way to fix this. I couldn't go to Edward, he would only demand precious answers that were unclear. I couldn't not go to Edward. I needed him with every fiber of my life.

For the first time in weeks I didn't fight for consciousness, sleep would be a welcome ease.

My eyes remained focused, my mind clear. There was no rest, no escape.

--

My mind replayed the image of our door slamming in Edward's face over and over again like the horror movie it was. I couldn't escape it, there was no point in trying. I allowed myself to slip into a trance like state, still unable to move off the floor against the door.

After the shadows had long since disappeared, replaced by a thick, all consuming darkness I heard noises moving around outside, but couldn't gather the energy to care. I sat.

There was a scraping of metal against metal, then all at once my body was being shoved forward, sweeping against the floor as the door urged open.

"What the- ?! Bella?" Charlie's voice was heavy with confusion. "What are you doing on the ground blocking the door like that?"

I looked up at him with dead eyes.

"Bella?…" He plopped the pizza box he was carrying onto the sofa and crouched down next to me. "Are you all right, sweetie?" He brushed my face with his hand. My stomach flittered in satisfaction, Charlie was being so uncharacteristically caring. He was trying to take care of me without invading my private war. It was the most I could ask of anyone. The tears I had unconsciously locked onto on the boarder of my eyelids came streaming down along with all my defenses. I could feel the built up emotion overflow and pour out of me.

I threw my arms around him and let my pain run free. I sobbed and gasped for air, my exhausted body quaking unorthodoxly. He tensed at my outburst and stood, dragging me up with him. He set me on my feet and wiped my face dry. With my newly cleared vision I could see the apparent fright in Charlie's face.

Immediately I felt guilty and let go. Of course Charlie would be uncomfortable forced into this emotional situation. I faked a smile and took a step back, giving him a little air. It wasn't fair to lean on Charlie when he had no idea what was happening in my head. I wouldn't take advantage of him in that way, he was too good a father to do that.

This was my apocalypse, my civil war. It was ridiculous to accept any casualties in addition to my own.

"Sorry, Dad." I looked into his worried eyes with as much believability as I could portray, "It's just the stress of finals, you know." I shrugged casually, smile in tact. I was morphing into a phenomenal liar. I wasn't certain if that made me happy or sad.

He relaxed a little, but his face remained solemn. "Maybe you could use a rest, Bells." He eyed me with more intensity then I previously thought Charlie possessed. "You're looking kind of worn down."

I hid the pang of nerves that exploded in my chest without flinching a muscle. Charlie, the most sheltered and unobservant person imaginable was beginning to question my integrity. I unconsciously took several steps back, away from his invading eyes. I would have to work harder, double my efforts. I would not give in.

I stood up straight and proud, all aspects of lies behind me now. I was ok. I could do anything I set my mind on, I knew that now. Nothing would stop me. Nothing.

"Charlie, I'm fine. Don't worry about me." My voice had warped from meekness to bold ferocity. I felt alive with raw infallible power. I felt strong, dominating.

I needed no one.

He tilted his head slightly to the side as if confused. "Yeah, sure kid." His words suggested he let the subject drop, but something in his face indicated otherwise. I began to struggle for air, why was he looking at me like that?

I had to get out before I broke down again. I couldn't risk it.

"Listen Charlie, I have to go." I grabbed the door knob and yanked it open before he could ask me where I was going.

I didn't have an answer.

The winter night's wind smacked hard into my chest, the icy fierceness knocking my breath out. Clutching Jacob's parka closer to my form I ran at top speed to my truck. It seemed the last time I drove in it was ages ago, and blocked the reason for it's current necessity out.

I revved the ancient engine and then sighed, where did I plan on running to? I had no where to go. My house was off limits, Charlie was being annoyingly perceptive.

I refused to contemplate my other option.

My body was shaking so hard my head began to ache from the jerky motion. I pulled the fur lined hood all the way over my face. It was so large there was no problem tugging it the furry edge down under my chin. My hot breath got trapped in the confines of the weatherproof material, thawing my frozen nose and cheeks. I mentally thanked Jacob for not skimping on the expensive winter gear.

A ray of hope shimmered like the sun, like Jacob.

I smiled and scolded myself for not thinking about him earlier. The past two weeks had been such a hectic mess my thoughts hadn't landed on my Jacob once. I backed the squeaky truck out of the driveway and headed towards La Push. Toward my soul's repairman.

It took me ten minutes to arrive in front of Jacob's quaint house. It looked exactly the same as all those years ago, happy memories flooded my mind leaving me warm and content. Jacob's massive form appeared from the sliver of light emanating from the front door. I hopped down from the cab and made my way through the mushy snow.

He met me halfway, his long strides making the tiring trudge look easy. "Come to return my Jacket?" , he teased. His white teeth shone in the dark night illuminating his sunny smile. For the third time today my independent emotions overtook me with out permission. This time they were set off by the relief of just being near my comfort blanket. I wanted to cry in joy and relief but thought better of it.

This time the change in heart was welcome. I was filled with excitement and elatedness. A squeal escaped me as I jumped into the warm embrace of Jacobs gigantic body. We laughed together at my eagerness, there was no point in hiding our unexplainable dependence on each other. We both knew he felt the exact same way. There was no room for embarrassment, we were both too full of love.

He didn't let go after the hug was over. His strong arms secured me to his chest while he carried me back to the porch and into his warm house. Once inside he set me down and kicked off his snowy boots.

"So, what's up Bells?", he asked casually as he walked the short distance to the kitchen. He tugged the fridge open and yanked out a plate over flowing with pre-cooked bacon. I made a face at the fatty meat then answered.

"Nothing really." I shrugged. "I just found out two weeks is way too long." He looked up from his disturbing snack and smiled wide. I laughed at the chunk of meat stuck in his pearly teeth.

"I know exactly what you mean.", he beamed. Then turned back to his plate. "Do you want some? It's only from this morning." He looked over at me, I could tell he was hoping I refused. Jacob loved his bacon.

I giggled, "No, I ate dinner with Charlie, thanks."

--

We sat at Jacob's tiny kitchen table late into the night remembering our childhood together. He teased me about my many trips to the hospital due to my everlasting clumsiness. I retorted in his constant lady troubles. We laughed until my side hurt and my speech slurred in exhaustion.

"You want a ride home?", Jacob yawned some time after midnight while stretching his long body out, fingers brushing the ceiling.

I looked up at him meekly. "Jake, do you think Billy would mind if I spent the night?", my voice was unsure. I didn't want to intrude.

He smiled wider then ever before, grabbing my hand that was swallowed by his own. "Don't be stupid, Bells."

--

I woke up to Jacob's loud snoring. I giggled at the rumbling racket wondering how I had ever fallen asleep in the first place. It took me a while to realize how comfortable I was. I lay on his old worn in mattress practically buried under his body. The only part of myself that remained free from our entanglement was the top of my chest and head. I soon realized that this had been the most rejuvenated I've felt in weeks. Maybe it was the combination of Jacob's squishy bed, his familiar rhythmic snoring, and the precious warmth I was greedily soaking up. Or maybe it was the relief of a long break from school's stress. I ruled out those thoughts, knowing the security was emanating straight from Jacob's presence. He was my numbing pain medication, a large russet bottle of legalized Oxycotton.

I used the hour before Jacob joined me in consciousness to reflect on my suppressed emotions. Something felt very different from the other times Edward and I were apart, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Was it because I had been the one to run this time? I couldn't accept that to be true. It made no difference who abandoned who, the pain came from our separation, not rejection. Why is it that I could smile now? That laughter came so easily after such a nightmare? There was no devil yanking at my heart strings, no gaping hole in my chest. I did miss Edward, I was in misery without him, but I wasn't crippled by it.

I longed to know the reasoning, I wanted to make sense of this. How is it possible to be broken hearted, and happy at the same time?

--

We ran for two hours straight in the calve high snow bordering the forest. Only turning around once Jacob's pestering whining got the best of me. It felt amazing to run with Jacob again, like nothing bad had happened between the two large gaps in history. After we showered he leant me a pair of sweats from grammar school and a huge sweater that he promised was his thickest. We settled in the homemade garage shelter where he spent most of his free time. With in an hour I was shivering in the damp cold it's thin walls couldn't keep out. He left, and returned with a space heater that I quickly turned on the highest setting. Jacob started sweating and complained about the heat as he peeled his T-shirt off. I paid him no mind, the struggling heater combined with his magical parka did the trick.

We spent the entire afternoon relaxing in the cramped space. Jacob tweaked the engine of his Rabbit while I watched. After his face glazed over in concentration I recognized his sudden seriousness to be what he referred to as his "engineer zone". He claimed that during this elated mental state he could fix anything, but needed complete silence.

I sat patiently going over the questions in my head I had no answers for. They seemed to be piling up. A brief memory of Edward's graceful fingers playing with the locks of my hair crept up before my closed eyes. An impossible pain shot though my entirety causing fat tears to silently fall. Jacob was too consumed to notice, but it wouldn't be long before he would. He was the last home base I had left, my single remaining safety. I couldn't allow him to become suspicious too, I had to pull myself together.

I summoned all of my will into suppressing the torture of Edward's loss. I pushed it down and hid it in the deep recesses of my mind where it wouldn't easily escape.

Nothing…

I felt nothing!

I gasped for air and looked around the garage in disbelief. Did I actually overcome my pain by sheer will power?! Was I that strong?

I waited, holding my breath, for the pain to return. One minute. Two minutes.

My lips curled into a smile as fresh tears rolled down my cheeks, tears of joy. How could I be this tough? I knew the heartache was only covered by a delicately sheer sheet of denial, but it was enough for me! I was happy in my delusion. This pain was only one more challenge I would have to win.

I was stronger now, stronger then any other person I knew. Everybody else crawled around me like worms with their pathetic dependence on food and love.

I smiled knowing I could survive without either.

Darkness began to settle outside the single window seemingly premature. The day flew by too quickly, I was too comfortable here to leave.

Jacob shut the hood of his beloved car closed with a snap and then plopped on top of it. He leaned over into a brown paper bag and chucked me a can of soda. I caught it reflexively and held it unopened while he gulped his down without breath.

BANG!

Jacob coughed violently having inhaled a gulp of soda in response to the heart shattering clamor. We both jerked our heads over to the source of the noise. The garage door had been slammed open and a body was inhabiting the dark shadows.

"Isabella Swan! What are you doing here?!" Alice's shrill voice felt like nails scraping against a chalk board, my body shivered in discomfort. She marched right up to me ignoring Jacob's choking form. "How can you call yourself a friend?" , she demanded. The hurt in her eyes made me drown in guilt.

"How can you just blow me off like this?! The party is in two hours! The whole town is going to be there! I need you! You promised you would help!" She pouted in a way that reminded me of her brother. She "hmphed", and folded her teeny arms across her chest.

"More then the town, Cullen." Jacob interjected. He had finally regained his composure. Alice didn't smile, but I could tell that this news pleased her. "Everyone I know is going, and not just LaPush kids. I heard a kid from three towns over talking about it." He shook his head and smiled, "This is going to be a raver, there's no question about it, it's going to make Ashley's party look like a quiet get together."

Alice perked right up. "You think?!".

"Alice! How did you invite all those people?! Do you even know them?!" I shot, now mine was the shrill voice.

She rolled her eyes with a knowing smile. "Bella, you're so cute." She tapped my head like Jacob does when he thinks I say something stupid or naive. "You don't have to know people just to invite them to a party!" Jacob joined her in laughter at my expense. I turned red and frowned. Excuse me for not being a wild party go-er.

"Come on, Bells. Get real." Jacob finished the last of his soda and I secretly hoped he'd joke on it.

Alice got serious again, turning back around to face me. "You have to come! You promised me!" I stared at her with an empty head, and matching emotions. I loved Alice, but I wouldn't be going to her party, no matter what level tantrum she threw. She could have Jasper come over here and throw me over his shoulder for all I cared, I wasn't permitting myself within a mile of Edward territory. Jacob would protect me.

"Don't worry, baby Cullen. I'll get her to your party." We both shot death glares at Jacob. He didn't seem to notice.

"Don't pretend you can resist dancing with me, Bella." He smiled, and I laughed. He would never let me live that night down, but the passage of time allowed the memory to become one of humor.

I set my head straight and forced my mouth back into a frown. "Alice, I don't know what Edward has or hasn't told you, but we kind of had a big fight yesterday." Jacob's ears perked up, "I don't want to be anywhere near him."

Alice frowned. My heart sank, I didn't mean to hurt her but the truth was the only way around this party. "Bella, I thought you were my friend. I thought you loved me…" Her voice was a quivering whisper as she looked at the ground. Jacob's eyes remained on me. I'm sure he was still in shock that I was struggling with my relationship without becoming catatonic.

"Bella, there's going to be like….a million people there. If you're avoiding someone you won't have a problem." Jacob reached over and rubbed my shoulder flashing me his warm smile.

"He's right!" Alice was bouncy and excited again. "Oh please, Bella! For me?!" "I promise, no shopping for a month… er, two weeks!" Her eyes were wide in anticipation. I truly did love her, she was more like a sister then a friend. If their predictions were correct then they were right, I wouldn't have a problem hiding.

"Ughhh!" I sighed, throwing my hands up into the air in surrender. "Fine, I'll go, I'll go!" I shouted in aggravation.

"Yay! Wait here!" She flew out of the garage and returned a second later with a bag in her hands. "This is the dress that we picked out last weekend!" She shoved the bag in my hand and threw her arms around me in a suffocating hug. She let go and squealed in jubilation.

"I have to go finish getting ready!" She turned to Jacob and hugged him adding a quick peck on the cheek. "Thank you!" She called as she zoomed out the door.

Jacob sported a look of confused shock on his slightly darkened face. "That little one sure is feisty."

AN - Ummm... i don't think I have anything to say right now... maybe it's cause' I'm flying like a kite, so messed up right now...

Ughh.. The song for this chapter is Where is Your Boy Tonight?, by the Fall Out Boys. It's from Jacob's perspective. Check it out.. I can't stop laughing!

REVIEW!!