*I'm so sorry that it has taken me so long to get this next chapter to you. I recently find out that I am sick. Now bad things happen very quickly and the things that I did for enjoyment now zap my energy. I will try to keep up. Please have patience, especially for this chapter. I was so excited to publish asap, that I haven't done much editing or proofing. Overall I hope you enjoy. I'm hanging in there so I hope to have another chapter written soon. Thanks for the messages from people begging for a new chapter. It's nice to have loyal readers. Please please let me know what you think.

Chapter 35 He said, She said

Jacob and I walked miles into the woods. I managed to stay on my feet the whole time, so surprisingly that even Jacob took noticed. It was nice to spend time with my friend again. It wasn't exactly like old times. It was barely different though. There was a fissure of a distance between, something that hadn't been there before. All joking and laughing aside we were on our best behavior which kept us from getting to questions that needed to be asked, answers that needed to be heard. We found nothing in the woods that day. Jacob promised he'd discuss the previous searches with Paul so I wouldn't have to speak to him.

I still felt the lump in my pocket. The leather thong given to me by Paul that accompanied the ultimatum he felt necessary. I thought not much of it and left it atop my bureau when I was changing into my pj's that night. Jacob needed the tool to keep his clothing near. When the wolves transformed their clothes were often shredded. Jacob complained that he'd taken to shopping at consignment stores to save on cost but that they didn't have much of a big and tall section which was necessary to dress his build. I crawled into bed feeling completely and utterly warm. I'd never felt so satisfied to lie between the sheets of my bed. It was not long before my eyes became heavy, before I slept.

My dream was truly bizarre. I could hear breathing, panting. I was making tracks through the woods, my feet pounding into the soft ground…thud…thud… thud... thud. Every turn of my head offered up a new scent, firs to my left and pines to my right, maple somewhere in the distance. Then there was a sickeningly sweet smell ahead of me. So sweet I couldn't proceed. My feet dug into the ground and I slid to a halt, red eyes staring back at me, watching me in all of my aloneness.

I'd had an interesting shift at Newton's on Sunday. They were only open a half day and Mike and I alone, shared the shift when it was our turn to work a weekend. Mike had been typically fun, telling stories of colleges that he'd visited. He asked if it were appropriate to joke to a college interviewer that his number one draw to a school was how many hot girls he could count in the quad. I shirked unassumingly, trying to smile but couldn't hide the fact that his sense of humor wasn't something that everyone could relate too. "They'd been to college too," he argued. I admitted that the interviewer and Mike did have that in common but refused to confer that they'd agree that picking a college was a light decision not to be simplified by the young attractive attendees. "I'm just going to go to Washington State anyway. It's my parents who want me to look around."

"Even they're trying to put some distance between you and them. Maybe you should not be yourself during your interviews," I joked.

Mike, despite the fact that he still needed to close up, walked me outside like a gentleman before he set the alarm. I told him that I would see him tomorrow and started toward my truck.

"Hi Bella!" said a very familiar high pitched sing songy voice. Alice leaned casually against my truck and despite the wet and chilled weather she wore not much more than I would on a warm summer day, if they had those here in Forks.

"Hey Alice. What's up?"

"Brother says that you haven't wanted his company so he's decided to stay away. I guess I've been designated honorary Cullen messenger." Alice didn't seem to mind her new title and actually seemed to enjoy it. Her grin was striking.

I walked toward Alice who was still leaning, not caring in the slightest that she was getting wet from the beads of rain that had collected on the Chevy. "So let's have it."

"Oh, I can't tell you here. Can I get a ride home?" I looked around the parking lot of Newton's and didn't notice Edward's Volvo or Carlisle's Mercedes. "I walked," Alice said with a wink of her eye.

"Sure." I said as I departed Mike's side.

We climbed into the ancient truck. I blasted the heat to defog the windows. I must have been putting off a lot of heat, because I knew it wasn't Alice. "So, what is it that you needed to talk to me about?" That Edward couldn't…

"I have made a discovery," Alice said like a song, chipper with a hint of warning. "I don't know if you are going to like it."

"Well let's hear it and get it over with."

"From the appalling scent of you truck, not that it ever smell spectacular, I can tell you've been associating with the wolves again."

I nodded. Just one particular wolf really but I didn't want to open up the opportunity to be lectured on how reckless that was because of last time, blah blah blah…A confirmation was all that was necessary.

"I learned when you were staying at our house that I couldn't have visions when you were in certain company," she said as though we might be overheard.

"Okay."

"Well, lately I've been losing lots of visions of you. I lost you before and after the grocery store yesterday. I lost you at some point during the night too though. Edward is about to lose his mind."

"Edward? Why?"

"I dunno. Maybe it's because it's all he has left of you, what I tell him, what he sees while keeping watch in your woods."

"I've never asked him-". I wasn't really surprised. It made me sad to know that I was hurting him.

"I know. I've told him. Carlisle has told him. Our creatures are much more committed in some ways, less fickle than you humans."

I couldn't deny that James was so committed to hunt and kill me that he tried despite the small army of vamps I had in my corner. Committed like Victoria to seek out her revenge. Apparently vamps were committed lovers as well as fighters: Carlisle and Esme, Alice and Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie. Commitment was a way of life for these beings that wasn't part of me. Maybe I got it from Renee.

"Don't remind me," I said turning onto the long dirt road to the Cullen house.

"I just came to say that something, um, someone of the wolf persuasion is coming close to you when you sleep, I'm guessing that you're sleeping because that is always where the visions stop."

"I understand."

"That doesn't worry you?" Alice asked surprised.

"Not really. There are a lot of eyes on me at the moment. I think that if there were something to be worried about I'd know by now."

"Has your wolf boyfriend mentioned anything to you? Does he spend the night?"

"He's not my boyfriend, and I can't see how that's really any of your business," I sputtered defensively.

"Bella, it's me, Alice. I don't care if you're in the doghouse…um you know. It's not my prerogative," Alice giggled. "Your friendship is," she followed becoming more serious.

"I know. I'm sorry," I said dryly, apologizing for my irratablity but not for my privacy.

"Well come inside won't you. Emmett hasn't even seen you and Rosalie only came back briefly but then went away again. I don't think she'll be coming back anytime soon which is a really long time for you human folks."

Alice explained that Rosalie was on the outs with Edward for becoming involved with me in the first place. Apparently the hostility that I'd sensed from her merely breached the surface of the feelings she really harbored for me. She felt that the Cullens were investing much too much time in waiting to see how all of this panned out. Everyone, according to Alice had their own motivation. Edward was of course in love with me, and Alice also but only platonically. Carlisle was interested in the science of the thing. He came back for Edward but has stuck around to see how the wolf blood treatment pans out. Emmett, well, Alice wasn't exactly clear on why Emmett was sticking around, she said something about him taking a break from Rosalie and hoping to fight some big prey. I hoped with all my heart he didn't intend on taking on anyone in the pack.

I decided that coming in would curb some of my curiosity as well. Not to mention my time with Alice had frequently been taken up with other matters, I thought that a short visit might now be a bad idea.

There home, was as usually immaculate. Esme, who had not been able to return home because of an obligation she's needed to fulfill somewhere in the world, but sent her love, Alice assured me, had gone to great pains to decorate the Cullen modern mansion. The house seemed organic, as though it was merely a part of the forested backdrop. It was an older home renovated with some modern techniques. The Cullens were anything but behind on their knowledge of technology. They also had an extensive breadth of knowledge of the arts, contemporary and otherwise. The house was like a livable museum. Cold. Untouchable. I was surprised the first time I came here, not to find tiny placards everywhere with dates, artists and style near ever work hung on the walls. Even the furniture in some rooms was sterile.

We sat in the living room. All of the furniture had been unwrapped, sure enough and placed precisely where Esme had intended it. Edward's piano was a show piece in the living room, I could tell. The only surface of the room that had acquired any dust at all was the Broadwood grand that stood on its pedestal near the large sun lit windows. It was a metaphor for Edward himself. The appearance of the thing made me sad but I couldn't look away from it.

While I stared into the light reflecting from the beautiful black instrument, the Cullen family watched me. Their pleasantries abounding, I nodded and gave brief and when possibly one word answers. Despite feeling previously agreeable to a visit any pleasantry from them to me felt forced.

Emmett, as always, seemed confused. After all being a vampire didn't necessary make anyone smart. It was the infinite amount of time that a vampire had that contributed to their intelligence, if they themselves felt that was something to build on. Alice watched me, perturbed with my behavior, I as sure and Carlisle was in his typical state of, all knowing. Edward was not there to receive me. I found myself sad that I hadn't seen Edward that day though I had to be careful about the attention that I paid to him. I had not voluntaryily spent any time with him since he had returned. I couldn't have him get the wrong idea, and despite the problems that I had had with Jacob, I did think that I loved him. Edward was in a weird place for me. I place that only my heart could touch. I couldn't give him anything else. It is was love that I felt then it was love that I'd give but now that I felt sympathy it was sympathy that I'd give. I had wanted to become a creature like him, an immortal. I had told him that it was the only gift I wanted for my last birthday but there was something inside Edward that could not grant me that wish. If only he had changed me when I asked he would no longer be sad and this family, the Cullen Family, would be my family as well. Edward and I would be together now. An underlying force inside of me dreaded that the possibility existed. Another part of me felt that it would have been wonderful to be with Edward now. Despite how fickle humans maybe, it had not been my decisions which had set out the course to this path. It seemed unnatural to me not to have a change of heart. Was it possible that unconditional love was actually a condition?

I stood to excuse myself and as I did Edward enter the house. Though he can't read my mind, he must have seen my truck parked outside. He knew that I was here and despite that, his face was fallen. Maybe he is not so much as sad to see me now, as it is that he looks this way all the time. Again a twinge of guilt stabbed me because I had turned this lovely creature into one of despair. I rolled my eyes for giving myself so much credit. Edward's head turned toward me. His eyes wide, he looked into my face and my nervousness at seeing him must have been apparent because he physically took a step back. "Bella," he said. "Might I have a private audience with you?" He was not so much as speaking to me, as he was to his family, who immediately responded by taking their leave of the sitting room. Vampires disperse quickly. "Are you afraid of my Bella?" Edward asked.

"No," I said with a watery voice. "I'm not scared…I'm…" I didn't finish sitting back into my chair. "You have something to say to me Edward?"

"A few things, actually." He walked toward me, taking a seat opposite my own.

"Alice told me about the vision skipping thing," I advised him.

"Yes there is that, but there is also something else."

"Its about Rosalie."

"Rosalie?" What do I care about Rosalie?

"She's taken herself on an adventure and she's causing some problems. She's not thinking straight. To be honest Bells the rest of the family didn't want to let you in on this. The left the decision up to me, but seeing you here today makes me think that you can handle it. You said that you didn't want me being so protective of you before right?" Edward said as though his conciousness was flowing all of his thoughts into one diluted sentence. "Rosalie has gone to tell the Valteri about you. About what we did to help you and what you are now."

My thoughts were reeling as though everyone in the world knew this great big secret about me that I was not privy to. "What am I?" seemed to be the most important question that I could ask.

Edward looked deep into my eyes as though, I thought to myself, preparing to give very bad news, until I remember that Edward always looked this way. "I don't know," was his answer.

"Then how do you know that I'm anything different?"

"There are several signs that are telltale to a werewolf. I cannot see them in you, but I was sure that is what would happen if you were treated. Carlisle was less sure, and it was his thinking that made it possible for me to allow the transfusion to go through. I never want to lose you Bella. I have also been the strongest perponent to changing you into a monster. Rosalie thinks that you must be a wolf now. She refuses to listen to any reason. It was one thing for me to love you when you were human. Rosalie sees that as weak and petty, but to love you if you are a werewolf, which Rosalie believes you now are is utterly repulsive to her. She refuses to tolerate any association with you. Vampires and werewolves may be monsters in kind, but we are natural enemies."

"I'm not a werewolf," I whispered. "Everyone seems to be waiting for this transformation to take place. Nothing's happened. I'm still me," I said standing to display my sameness.

"There are some changes," Edward said looking down into the carpet. "You smell very different. You smell like one of them."

"I hang out with them as you put it, all the time," I scolded.

"And your temper," Edward addressed keenly enjoying the perfectness of his timing.

"I've always been firey," I said nearly joking.

"Yes, but you've been very well mediated until recently. Now it seems like anything that pops into your head you have to say, good, bad or otherwise. You have no filter, so you have no patience."

I thought long and hard about Edward was saying. I didn't want to say he was wrong because I hadn't taken the time to do a good self examination recently. Also, I remembered Jacob's short fuse once the change had started for him. Edward was right about my temper. He wasn't necessarily right about the cause. "I'll have to think about this Edward. What happens with Rosalie? What is she trying to do?"

"We're monitoring her through Alice. All I know-"

"May I interrupt?" Alice chimed from just outside the room.

It is hard to have a private conversation without Alice, I supposed as she took her place with me and Edward. She took my hand and sat me back down into the chair. Edward relaxed once I was sitting again. Alice sat on the stool adjacent to me. She leaned in as though what we would discuss would be a secret. "All I know is that Rosalie is on a plane. I didn't catch what flight she got onto, and seriously any flight connecting from Seattle could be going anywhere. She maybe, and this is what I think, just making a show of her disapproval, with her leaving. Esme has been staying in Seattle in case I can figure out where Rosalie is going. Esme wants to go after her."

I so wished I could see Esme. Her personality oozed compassion that I was desprately in need of now. That would have to wait until after Rosalie's adventure I figured. Esme always puts her family first. The word, family, stung my brain momentarily.