If you're not really here, then the stars don't even matter.
If you're not really here, then I don't want to be either
I want to be next to you,
Black and gold, black and gold.
Bella POV
It seemed like a good idea at the time. However when I woke up alone I seriously regretted deciding to stay in my own house the night before. With Edward gone, I felt like a piece of me was missing too. The note he left me alleviated my loneliness a little bit. I smiled at his words. Where did he come up with these notes? Expressions of affection came so naturally to him. I wished I could be like that but knew I would fail miserably.
Anxious to get back to him, I washed and dressed in a rush, though it took me a little while to find something suitable to wear. It appeared to be another scorching day. I wolfed down breakfast and was just heading out the door when the phone rang. I was going to ignore but then decided I'd better not. If Charlie thought I wasn't home this early in the morning it was bound to cause trouble.
"Hello?" I asked, sounding a little breathless after running back from the front door. I was hoping to hear Edward's silken voice on the other end.
"Hi Bella." To my disappointment it was only Renee. I began to feel guilty for thinking that way but her next question was so irritating I stopped. "You sound a little breathless. Hope I didn't disturb…anything."
What exactly was she trying to imply?
"No Mom" I answered, letting my irritation show through. "You caught me on my way out the door."
"You're up and about early." she commented. Talk about stating the obvious. Then suspicion flooded her voice. "Is Edward there?"
"No he's at home." I answered abruptly.
"I just thought with your Dad out of town he'd stay with you."
I had no idea why I was getting so defensive. I really couldn't afford to considering Edward stayed here every night .
"No he's not. But if he was it wouldn't be a big deal. We're both adults, we're getting married soon. I don't even see why you feel the need to ask?"
I was in full-on rant mode. I'm not sure was it the heat, frustration or the fact I was missing Edward but I was really irritable.
"Bella, honey," she interrupted. "Relax. I'm not accusing you of anything. I wouldn't mind if he was there. I just called because I feel like I never hear from you anymore. I know I wasn't that supportive when you called to tell me about the engagement and I just want to apologise and start over."
That took the wind out of my sails completely. I went from feeling incensed to deflated, utterly chastised.
"That's ok, Mom. I'm sorry for snapping at you…What you said means a lot to me"
We quickly fell into regular conversation. Even though I didn't see her that much and we were growing apart, I still felt comfortable talking with her. Well, as comfortable as I ever felt. She was shocked to hear of the recent good weather hitting Forks. I could hear genuine delight in her voice as I told her what we'd been getting up to. I edited, leaving out the drinking contest and the fact our trip to the lake had happened at night. In all honesty, I was showing off a little. I was trying to make her see just how wonderful Edward was. I wanted her to know I had made the right choice in agreeing to marry him.
"That sounds wonderful Bella." she replied when I ran out of stories to tell. "I'm glad you're enjoying the sun. You deserve some light in your life."
"I have light in my life, Mom. Even when it's cloudy here."
I heard her take a breath before answering. "I'm glad of that too, honey. All I've ever wanted was for you to be happy."
In the background I heard Phil call her name. "I better go."
"Ok" I answered. Too quickly.
"You're eager to get off the phone." she laughed. "Are you sure Edward's not waiting for you upstairs?"
"Mom!" I squeaked, relieved there was no-one here to see the deep red colour flushing my face. A memory of last night flashed in my mind and I went even redder. She was serious again, then.
"You really are dead set on waiting for the wedding night?"
"Yes. It may seem old-fashioned but we know what's right for us."
"Alright. I know you well enough to trust your judgement. And I thought you only said that to placate Charlie." She laughed again, probably picturing that awkward conversation. "Still, there's something to be said for trying before you buy…"
"I'm hanging up now." I told her as I heard Phil call her again.
"Bye Bells. Don't leave it so long before we speak again." Guilt crept up within me again.
"I won't." I promised. "Bye Mom. I love you."
The next thing I heard was the dial tone. I don't know if she even heard me.
I pushed that to the back of my mind and went out to drive to Edwards house. I drove as fast as my truck would allow me, which was still slower than most cars on the road. I wasn't usually this impatient but I wanted to see Edward. Not just see him, though that was always a pleasant sight, but to talk to him. Part of me felt I should apologise for persistently testing his limits over the last few days. He wasn't complaining but I hadn't been thinking about how hard it was for him. How much self-control he had to exert for the smallest action. Sometimes I felt like the most selfish person in the world.
In a vain effort to distract myself I turned on the radio. But it was impossible to be distracted. My every thought always brought me back to him. Even the song on the radio reminded me of him.
I was relieved when the big white house came into view. It looked even more impressive with the sunlight shining on it. I walked onto the porch and hesitated. I was never sure whether to knock or just walk in.
The door opened and there was Edward, as breathtaking as ever. A brilliant smile stretched across his face as he swept me into the house.
"Good Morning, love" he said in my ear as he wrapped his arms around me.
"Mmm…hi." I replied. There went the power of speech again. After a moment I tried again. "I need to talk to you." I was attempting to be serious, I really did want to talk about our relationship. To tell him I wasn't going to pressurise him. But the grin on his face was infectious. I couldn't help but be affected by his buoyant demeanour.
"Do we have to talk now?" He kissed me once, but always left me wanting more. Well, if he had other ideas… I was going to return the kiss but he turned me around and I saw that his whole family were in the room. I supposed this particular conversation could wait.
They all greeted me warmly but my replies were a tad distracted as I tried to make sense of the scene before me. Jasper and Emmett were hunched over a map, while Rosalie looked on. Alice was dividing clothes into piles, they looked like army fatigues. Esme and Carlisle were watching them indulgently. Wait a minute, was that a gun?
They appeared to be preparing for some sort of battle.
I looked at Edward. His eyes were narrowed in confusion, then realisation, then finally, anger.
"See Edward!" Alice chirped, "I told you we were going to have fun today."
"No Alice, we are not doing this." he stated.
"Yes, we are." she replied confidently. She looked at me meaningfully. " All of us."
I was still confused.
"Doing what? Someone tell me!" I hated being let out of the loop.
"We're going to paintballing!" announced Emmett, sounding almost as excited as Alice had.
All of us? I couldn't play volleyball, let alone paintball. Panic rose in my chest as I thought of all the possibilities for accidents, as well as potential embarrassment. I would fall, trip and it wasn't unfeasible that I would shoot myself.
"You can all go ahead. Bella and I will wait here." said Edward. I couldn't tell if he was concerned for my safety of if he wanted me alone. Knowing him, he was afraid I would get hurt.
"Edward," Carlisle's voice rang out, soft but full of authority. "This was meant to be a family activity for all of us. With all the mayhem lately, we haven't done anything like this. There is no danger so please don't ruin it."
Edward could never refuse Carlisle. And it didn't take a genius to figure out what he'd been referring to. Edward leaving, the battle with Victoria and the newborns. I felt bad, none of that would've happened if it wasn't for me. But I also knew Edward blamed himself for all that so Carlisle's little guilt trip would work.
He nodded, somewhat reluctantly, and took my hand and lead me to the couch. His cool hand wrapped tightly around mine. The same hand that had touched me last night. I couldn't help but remember the way it felt on my skin. I glanced at Edward but he was looking off in another direction. At the piano. I blushed, wondering if either of us would look at it the same way after watching the movie last night. Probably not. But that wasn't necessarily a bad thing.
Edward cleared his throat and smiled awkwardly at me. I knew then we were on the same train of thought.
"Do you want to play, Bella?"
That was a good question. I never relished the thought of any physical activity. But this could be fun, I suppose. I knew Edward would look out for me. I was afraid to disappoint Carlisle, though I knew he'd never show anger to me. Also I wasn't sure if we could handle a whole day alone together, with the sun beating through the window…I could feel tension between us and we were sitting on a couch with all his family around us. So I nodded.
"That's probably the first time I've ever willingly agreed to any kind of physical activity." I said. Edward wickedly raised one perfect eyebrow. I looked at my lap, realising sport was the last thing on his mind.
"Alright then. If we're doing this there has to be some ground rules." he addressed his family.
"We already know, Edward." answered Jasper. "Be careful of Bella at all times, we're not allowed use full strength or speed. Alice and Carlisle already gave us the lecture."
"Not allowed to anything fun…" Emmett began but trailed off when Edward glared at him.
"Wait, what if someone sees you?" I had to ask.
"We won't run into any humans. But we have the combat gear just in case. No skin will be exposed." Alice held up some small tubes as she spoke. "I even got face paint so we can be totally camouflaged." She never did do things by halves.
"But I don't need them, right?"
The clothes looked bulky. I would be sweating like a pig if they made me move in them.
"I suppose not."
"But you do have to wear the protective gear." interjected Edward. He sounded an awful lot like Charlie right then.
"Come here Bella!" Alice piped up. Used to doing what she told me I tried to stand up but Edward pulled me back.
"No." he growled. Sometimes it felt like that was the only word he knew.
I looked at him in confusion but he was busy staring Alice down.
"Fine." she said eventually, sounding exasperated. "You can pick teams. But it would have been fun to have boys against girls."
"Do you not trust them?" asked Jasper.
"Not in the slightest. I wouldn't leave Bella in their care."
Care? It went from one extreme to the other with Edward. He was talking as if I was a child. He certainly wasn't treating me like one when it suited him though.
Following his lead, we all assembled in the centre of the room. Edward decided to be in charge of one team and Emmett would lead the other.
"First!" called Edward while Emmett grumbled. Sometimes it amazed me that there wasn't actually any testosterone in their bodies. It was natural that he'd want to go first, to pick Jasper or Carlisle. Since he was lumbered with me he'd need all the help possible. I leaned against the table. Waiting to be picked was something I was well used to from all my years of gym. I wasn't insulted, it was simply a fact that I was a weak team-member.
So when Edward called my name I was surprised. It took me a minute to react before I skipped over to him and took his outstretched hand.
"Why are you so happy?" Jasper questioned. I could see genuine curiosity in his eyes. I couldn't lie or brush it off.
"Well, you know what I'm like in p.e." I began, looking at the ground as I spoke. "I never got picked first for a team before."
Edward lifted my chin so I could look him in the eyes. "I will always pick you first." he vowed. I looked at him wordlessly for a moment until Rosalie spoke.
"Ugh. Pick Emmett. Or else I'm going to need a sick bucket."
"Vampires can't get sick." corrected Esme.
"I'm not so sure." she replied, casting a scathing look in our direction.
"Alright Rose." Emmett cut her off. Rosalie stood up. "I pick Carlisle."
"What?" she screeched. "You pick him before your wife! You know I'm the most ruthless. What's he going to do, scare them all with his compassion?"
I thought Carlisle would be at least a little mad at her insult, not to mention her total disregard for his years of experience. But he just laughed as he walked over to Emmett.
"Humility is a virtue." teased Edward while Rosalie fumed. He didn't get the chance to speak again. Alice skipped over to where we were standing. "Wait a second, I didn't pick you ." he protested.
"But you will" she replied confidently. Edward nodded with grudging acceptance.
"Rosalie." called Emmett. It's not like a he had a choice now. She flounced over to him. It was Edwards turn again.
"Jasper." called Alice.
"Excuse me. I thought I was the one in charge here." huffed Edward.
"Silly Edward. Don't you know by now that you're never really in charge?" Alice smiled sweetly. I had to stifle a laugh at his expression. Jasper was the obvious choice anyway. Esme showed no distaste at being left last as she joined Emmett's team.
I wondered why they even bothered going through the motions of picking teams. The divide was expected, we should have just split up into two couples.
"Well done Emmett." Rosalie was still angry. "They get all the powers, we haven't a hope."
"I know but…" he lowered his voice then. "they got Bella."
As if I my presence was a big enough handicap to cancel out three extraordinary vampires. I thought of all my previous mishaps. Maybe he was right.
I watched as they gathered the supplies and made their was to the door.
"Go ahead." said Edward. "Bella and I will catch up."
Emmett laughed. "If we leave them alone, Edward will never let her leave."
"Actually, I was just going to pack some water for Bella. I'm sure none of you thought of that." replied Edward.
"Whatever. If you're not there in half an hour I'm coming back for you."
We were alone again. I followed him to the kitchen where he packed several bottles of water. I decided I better take my chance to speak with him now.
"Edward, we need to talk." At the same time he said "Bella, there's something I want to tell you"
We both laughed. "Go ahead," he urged. He was always the gentleman.
"About last night…" I began.
"I'm sorry, I should've know better."
"Just listen, I want to apologise. I do respect our decision to wait. I know how difficult it is for you to remain in control and I won't keep pushing you. I love you too much for that. I mean, it's not your fault you're so attractive. Our relationship is based on more than that."
"Have you heard me complaining?" he asked. I shook my head. "Bella, I'll never do anything I can't control. I wouldn't put you in that danger. I know deep our love is. It's the sole reason we want each other so much. I also know that when we're married I'll be able to show you. But for now we need to stop over thinking this. Lets just enjoy the nice weather and each others company. What ever will be will be."
"Que sera sera." I replied. "You're right."
"Of course I am." he smiled. "I would love to kiss you right now. it's been far too long sine I've touched those lips."
A whole twelve hours.
"So what's stopping you?" I pouted.
"If I do, it's highly likely I won't let you go and we really don't want Emmett coming back for us."
"I guess not. But we'll make up for it later."
"I'll hold you to that." he promised, giving me a look that made me melt.
We left the house and then we were hurtling through the green forest as I wondered what possessed me to agree to paintball. I had a feeling this would not end well.
Ok sorry again for delay in update. I dunno, I just wasn't feeling this chapter but please review anyway. I promise the next will be better!
The song for this is 'Black and Gold' by Sam Sparro.
To all my readers and reviewers, especially the people who leave me lovely anonymous reviews I can't reply to, I love you all. Go raibh mile maith agat! (thanks in Irish.)