The first of a review double act. Okay, it's a little tenuous, but I'm willing to overlook that: I hope you all are…
DISCLAIMER: Death Not mine. I mean, Death Note mine. I mean Death Note's not mine.
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:BONUS 4:
NATE RIVER REVIEW
A.I – Alternate Incarceration
(Chapters 18-21)
This is Near.
While reading A.I., I noticed that there were various entries made by the characters of Death Note, in the form of reviews. I have no clue as to whether any of these 'reviews' have actually been sent by L, Light Yagami and Misa Amane… but I thought, as it was an interesting idea, that I would send in my own. I understand that you may or may not wish to publish this publicly, as I have no real involvement in the story, but that doesn't concern me. I don't particularly care about the overall outcome of this.
A.I. – Alternate Incarceration is an interesting idea. It's clear from what has been posted that you're a capable writer, and also that you have put at least a marginal amount of thought into what you have written (which is refreshing to note). However, to elaborate on a point "L" made in his review, the fact that this is the product of already existing concepts in the Death Note story is a little disappointing. You haven't exactly been original with this story.
This also counts for your other stories too, where you fall between childish parody and banal accounts of events not quite covered in the canon narrative.
Another flaw I have noticed is your inability to create mystery. Though I can see you have put effort into it, I had worked out L's plan and who the "mysterious" figure was by chapter 12. You will either have to try harder next time, or give up on suspense altogether.
Other than these factors, it isn't a terrible piece of fan fiction. I may even consider reading on, if you continue to update. I won't be marking it as a favourite story, though, or signing up for an alert.
It isn't that good.
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Author's Note: Gosh. That was brief.
Then again, Near isn't one to mince his words. He didn't even ask any questions, which must be some kind of record…
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This was surprisingly easy to write. I have no clue as to whether I've got Near with the tone I would have liked, but I was going for the 'stoic pessimist' approach… I'm not entirely proud of my writing ability (or skillz) here, but I'm… satisfied.
Don't touch that dial – part two of the review double feature is coming up RIGHT NOW!