A/N: Guys, I'm so so sorry for the long delay! I had a super busy summer, and then ... then I got sick -.- Better said, I'm still sick. I've got a pretty bad cold and mild pneumonia. The cough is killing me, but I'm starting to get better ... hopefully. To make it up for the long wait I got a long chapter for you guys, and the next one will follow next week!
Chapter 24
Regina. Regina. Regina.
The name of the love of her live was the only thing that was in Emma's mind as soon as she woke up. Slowly she remembered everything that happened in the past hours. The fight with her stepfather, the fight with Killian … and the baby. There was a baby in her. She was pregnant.
„What time is it?" the blonde whispered, wetting her dry lips.
"You're awake!" Killian said.
As he reached for her hand Emma withdrew it and glared at him. "What time is it?"
"Four am."
Emma's eyes grew wide. Four am. It was four am! Regina … she had to call Regina, she had to tell her to wait! "I need my phone!" Emma demanded with a stifled voice.
"It's at home. When you passed out I panicked, and drove you to the hospital right away."
"Give me your phone," Emma said instead.
"It run out of battery a few minutes ago."
Emma began to cry and buried her face in her hands. How could fate be so cruel with her? With them? Why was this damn world so unfair? They didn't deserve this. They didn't.
"Why are you crying?" Killian asked helplessly. "Emma, love –"
"Don't call me love!" Emma cried out. "I'm not your love and I'll never be! I'll file for divorce, Killian. Tomorrow first thing, I'll find a lawyer. As soon as it's done, you will never see me again!"
Killian grabbed her wrists and squeezed hard. His eyes were narrowed into slits, his mouth a tight line. "Do you really think I'll let you go? You want to separate a child from his father?" he hissed.
Separating a child from his father? His grip grew stronger with every passing second, but Emma managed to say the following words surprisingly calm. "What child, Killian? There will be no child."
"What do you mean?" he glared at her.
By now, Killian's grip was so strong that Emma had to hold back a painful groan. "You're hurting me."
"That?" Killian sneered and held up her wrists. "That's nothing, Emma! You better watch out what you say or do … otherwise you'll learn what real pain is. Am I clear?" he threatened her. He let go of her wrists and instead grabbed her face with one hand. There he was … showing his true face once again.
"Let go of me," Emma hissed through gritted teeth. She had no chance to inform Regina of the events nor could she call Ruby to come to her help. Everything was getting so complicated ... even more so with the pregnancy. Killian finally let go of her, took a few steps back and ran his hands through his hair.
"A divorce is not an option, forget it," he said rather loudly. Emma ignored him and massaged her aching wrists. "And what is that bullshit about an abortion? Did you lost your mind? Could you really kill your child? Your flesh and blood! In you grows a life, Emma … a child! Our baby!"
The blonde covered her ears and pinched her eyes close. She didn't want to hear him, didn't want to see him. He just wanted to make her feel bad so she would change her mind, but that wouldn't happen. She would end this pregnancy, she would get rid of everything that tied her to Killian. Emma didn't want this child. It was her decision, her right. And then … then finally she could run away with Regina.
"Go away," Emma said quietly. "Leave me alone."
"Yeah, you and the baby need some rest. I'll come by in a few hours."
He turned around and left. Emma lay there, her gaze wandering to the window. It was pitch dark outside, and it was raining heavily. It was as if God cried for her … for them. For Regina and Emma. She had to speak to Regina as soon as possible. She would explain everything, and then … then she would make an appointment for abortion.
Emma hadn't gotten any sleep. Restlessly, she had toss and turn around in the bed, not being able to calm down her racing brain. Sometime around 7 am Killian came back. Wordlessly, he sat down on the chair and looked at her for a long time. Emma wished she could strangle him … with bare hands. Then he would finally be gone from her life. She shook her head to get rid of the ridiculous thought. What has gotten into her?
"I told your father and your brothers. They should be here in a bit," Killian said eventually.
"There was no need, I'm out of here in a few hours anyway."
"We'll see what the doctor says."
Emma turned my back to him, and the blanket under my chin. She had to call Regina somehow. She would take Tamara's phone and write her a message.
"Oh, before I forgot," Killian started. "I spoke to Regina."
Emma held her breath, fisted the blanked with both hands, and closed her eyes. Her heart stopped beating, and her mind was running crazy. She didn't dare to ask him why he had spoken to Regina, but it wasn't necessary for Killian continued right away.
"I called her earlier. She is the first one to know about our baby."
His words … they were like a slap in the face. Emma's fingernails dug into her palms, she felt dizzy. This couldn't be true … it shouldn't be true! How had it come so far?
"She is so happy for us, and wishes us all the best," Killian continued.
Emma thought she might get sick. What an ironic twist of fate. Just yesterday Emma thought that she would run away with Regina that everything would be all right. And now? Now her life crumbled right in front of her eyes. And she was literally powerless lying in this hospital bed. The blonde gritted her teeth and tried to hold back the tears with all her might, but it just wasn't possible. She cried softly, and at the same time tried to keep her composure. God, Emma wished to could just throw it into Killian's face that she loved Regina. But the consequences of this confession would be fatal. Killian was a sick psychopath. She knew he would hurt Regina without batting an eyelash. That was the only thing that kept her from telling him the true. She couldn't risk Regina's life.
"Are you crying again?" Killian asked, slightly irritated, and Emma felt his hand on her arm.
"Don't touch me!" she snapped. "Go away, leave me alone!" Sobbing, Emma buried her face under the blanket. Would it ever end? All that pain, all this grief? Would she find a way out of this dark, deep hole she'd fallen into? The events of the past few months had exhaust her … she couldn't handle anymore.
Around noon Emma got discharged. Tamara accompanied her back to the house. Her sister in law didn't want to let her alone. Emma was exhausted. Both mentally and physically. As soon as she stepped into house Emma grabbed her handbag and disappeared into her bedroom with Tamara. Killian had made himself comfortable in front of the couch. Fumbling through her bag for the phone, Emma cursed under her breath when she saw that it was dead. Of course. Sighing, she looked for the charger, and plugged the phone in with shaky fingers. Tamara just watched her in silence, she seemed totally confused by Emma's behavior. The dark skinned pregnant woman rested her hand on her very pregnant belly.
"Emma, please lie down, you need rest, and the baby –"
"No, Tamara!" the blonde interrupted her. "I'm going to say it one last time; I don't want this child!" Shaken, Emma grabbed her head and closed her eyes. God, the headache was killing her.
"But, Emma, Killian is not going to allow that. You guys are married for what? A few months? He doesn't agree to a divorce, and he certainly won't agree to an abortion," Tamara said in a quiet voice.
Emma scoffed and shook her head. "I don't care about that … because he won't know about it," she said. Emma ignored Tamara's gasp in shock, and turned her phone on. Her attention lay completely on her cell phone, which vibrated several times. 26 missed calls. All of them from Regina. "Goddamn it!" Emma cursed, and nearly started crying again. But now wasn't the right time. She got things to do. Without hesitation she dialed Regina's number. A lump formed in her throat as she waited. What should she say? Emma didn't have much time to think about that because Regina didn't pick up the phone.
She tried again. And again. And again … nothing. What the hell? Why didn't she pick up? Did she want her to suffer even more by ignoring her? Was that some kind of pay back? Regina's revenge for letting her wait yesterday? Or … did Regina gave up after hearing that Emma was pregnant? No. No, no, no! The blonde threw her phone on the bed and remained rooted to the spot.
"Emma, what is happening?"
Tamara's voice pulled her out of her trance. Emma had told her that she loved someone else but she didn't mention a name. It had been too early for that, and now … now it probably was too late. The blonde laughed out loud and grabbed her head again. She suddenly had to think about her mother, and Emma's eyes immediately filled with tears. She was kind of glad that her mother didn't have to witness how her only daughter's life was being destroyed once again. Emma clenched her hands to fists, and didn't even notice how much her body was shaking. One last time she dialed Regina's number. The shock and the disappointment ran deep as the call was sent straight to the mailbox.
So that was it. The End. It was that easy. There you can see what a single night can change. What a pregnancy can change. A child. What Emma once saw as God's gift now seemed like a curse. Unconsciously, she put a hand on her still flat stomach. She didn't want that child. Everything had been in vain. The whole suffering she had taken upon herself.
Her heart refused to accept this loss. Her mind too didn't want to accept this defeat. Emma had fought. Maybe she had started too late, but she had fought so hard … and lost.
Three days had passed. Three days that felt like hell. Killian once again had made it clear that he didn't agree on a divorce nor an abortion. Emma didn't say anything … he would see. Even though she knew it was pointless, Emma tried to call Regina again, and again. By the third day, even the smallest spark of hope in Emma was extinguished. It was over. She felt it. This time it was really over.
Emma was sitting in the kitchen, thinking of a way to get rid of this child without knowing Killian, when said person stormed into the kitchen. He looked furious. "Did you hear?" he asked pissed. Annoyed, Emma frowned and looked at him questioningly. "Regina disappeared!"
Emma had expected everything – just not that. She cleared her throat, and swallowed to get rid of the sandy feeling in her mouth. "What … what do you mean she disappeared?" the blonde asked carefully.
"Gone, she's gone. She left town with a poison!"
It felt as if someone had poured a bucket of ice-cold water over Emma's head, making her heart stop beating. Her insides clenched and she got no air. Killian continued to speak, but Emma's senses were frozen. She heard nothing. She saw nothing. She couldn't feel … no, she felt something. She felt the inner pain, which spread like fire, reaching every single fiber of her body.
So, Regina had really left. Without her. The reality of that hit her full force. Running away sometimes seemed like the only solution. But without her? Disappointment and rage added to the pain she was feeling. "I don't feel well. I'm going to lie down," she said quietly.
"Okay, sure you do that," Killian said softly. "I'm going to meet with Queen Cora … she's so mad."
Emma didn't care. She didn't care about anything anymore.
Just two days later, Emma made a decision. She couldn't life like this anymore, she was going to take her life into her hands. She reached for her phone and finally made appointment. As soon as she was free of this child, she would file for divorce. Emma refused to spend her life with this man. She wasn't able to life with even, it didn't matter that Regina had left.
Lost in thoughts, Emma lie on her couch when the ringing of her phone brought her back to reality. It was Neal. "Hey," she said, and immediately sat up when she heard her brother crying.
"Emma, Emma …" Neal cried.
Emma held her breath. "Emma, you have to … you have to come to the hospital. Tamara … the baby …" Shocked, the phone slipped out of Emma's hand.
Somehow, she had managed to call a cab. As if in trance, Emma stared out of the car window as Neal's words echoed through her head. "Tamara had a premature birth, I'm so scared, Em … the baby." Now she was sitting here, praying that the two of them were okay. Tamara and the baby. They had to be okay. Just a few minutes later they reached the hospital.
Emma's heart was beating fast, and her lips quivered as she stood in the elevator. When she finally reached the right floor, she saw Neal standing in the hallway. Emma's brother was leaning against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest, and his eyes fixed on the ceiling.
"Neal," Emma said softly as she approached him slowly.
"Emma!" He ran up to her, engulfing her in a strong hug.
"Is the baby –"
"Yeah. The doctor said our little princess is doing well. They put her in a box, and there are so many cables and wires and I –"
"Hey, it's okay," Emma broke his rant. "Don't you worry, Neal. The incubator is doing her well, she's still small. She just needs a little time in there. Everything will be alright." As Neal breathed out in relieve, Emma hugged her brother again tightly.
"But Tamara …" Neal suddenly said.
Slowly, Emma pulled away from him. "What about her?"
"She is lying in her room. She's still very weak, but the thing is … she won't stop crying, Em. She doesn't believe me that the baby's well." The desperation in his voice was hard to miss.
Emma took in a deep breath as she knocked softly on Tamara's hospital door. Without waiting for an answer, she entered quietly. Her eyes immediately fell on Tamara's crying form on the bed. Her brother wife was sobbing softly to herself. "Tamara?" Emma whispered. The dark skinned woman looked to the side, and began crying even harder. "Shh, don't," Emma pleaded and took her hand.
"I want my baby, Em. I want to see my baby. She's so small, she needs me!"
The words hit Emma straight to her heart. She couldn't imagine what a feeling it must be. "She's fine, Tamara! She will make it, she's a strong little soldier, don't you know?"
"Mary."
Emma blinked in confusion. "What?"
"Mary. Her name is Mary." Tamara smiled softly, and this time Emma couldn't help the tears. They named her after her mother. Mary. Emma's heart ached. She was sad and happy at the same time.
"I'll die for her, Em," Tamara whispered softly.
"I know … I know." The blonde wiped her tears away, and squeezed Tamara's hand. "You need rest, okay? I promise, I'll look after Mary. You don't need to worry, everything is going to be alright." Tamara was still so weak and exhausted from the birth. She yawned, and just seconds later she was asleep.
Along with Neal, Emma entered the room where the little one was lying. There were so many tubes and ticking noises, no wonder Neal freaked out. Emma's eyes were fixed on the incubator. Her heart clenched painfully as she approached it. The baby was lying on her belly, breathing weakly. So small, so innocent. Silent tears were running down Emma's face as she put her hand through the small opening and touched Mary's little hand. The soft, light brown skin tone, the few hairs on her head. Ten fingers, ten toes – she was perfect. Something in Emma hurt so much, she didn't know what.
The next week flew by. Mary was doing well, she had left the incubator, though they still had to stay in the hospital. Friday was coming, and that meant that Emma's appointment was due. She had managed to get away from Killian, and now she was sitting in the waiting room. Restlessly so. Her mind was racing along with her heart. Emma's palms were sweaty, and she felt sick.
"Congratulations, Mrs. Jones, you're pregnant."
The sentence that had destroyed her once and for all. It was playing in her head, like a broken cassette. Emma put a hand on her stomach and closed her eyes. It was innocent. She knew it. Her heart was bleeding, and her mind had stopped working. Emma felt empty and powerless … and yet, she had to do it. It was the only solution to get away from Killian. The blonde opened her eyes as a nurse entered the waiting room. "Mrs. Jones?"
Frozen, Emma sat there and couldn't move.
"Mrs. Jones?" the nurse asked again.
One last time, she closed her eyes, and took a deep breath in. "I'm here," Emma said quietly, but before she could get up she heard shouting from the hallway. An all too familiar voice filled her ears.
"Where is my wife?" Killian roared. A moment later he stood in the waiting room. His widened as he saw Emma. The blonde's heart stopped, her body started trembling. "What the hell, Emma? What are you doing here?" Killian yelled and came up to her. He grabbed her arm and pulled her out of the room, ignoring several pairs of eyes that were pointing on them. He begged for forgiveness and glared at her. He swore her love and cursed her.
It was indescribable what was going on in Emma. She probably wouldn't have done it anyway … killing her child … call it as you want. For Emma it was fate. It was her fate to get this child, to become a mother. Her mother would have said it is God's will.
"When I saw the doctors card in the bedroom, I freaked out, Emma!" Killian yelled as they reached the car. "Did you really want to kill or child? What has gotten into you, Emma? I can't believe it!" Emma closed her eyes, and leaned her head against the window. She was stunned. Killian took her hand and breathed a kiss on it. "I'm so sorry, love, okay? I'll be good, I swear to God, I'll be a good husband. From now on everything will be fine. We will be a happy little family."
From now on everything would be fine … only for whom? The rest of the trip home – because, yes, it was the only home she had now – neither of them said anything, and Emma was grateful for the silence that seemed to fill her.
Three months later …
"Killian, you don't have to repeat yourself a thousand times. I always drive carefully!" Annoyed, Emma rolled her eyes, and held out her hand. "Now, hand me the keys!" she demanded.
He pouted and took a step toward her. "Fine. But if you don't let me drive you to Ruby, can I at least have a kiss?" He batted his eyelashes, and looked at her expectedly.
In these three months since the incident at the clinic, Emma had discovered a new side on him. Over and over again he managed to make her laugh, even though she didn't want to. Not once he had tried to get intimate with her, saying he would wait until she was ready. He even was so mindful about the pregnancy. He was trying, he really was. Even a blind person could see his efforts. And yet, Emma felt miserable, because no matter how much Killian tried to gain her love … she couldn't love him. She tried to persuade herself that the love would come with time, but deep down she knew that wasn't the case. Her heart belonged to someone else. Her heart belonged to Regina.
Every time Emma closed her eyes, she saw Regina. Even though it seemed like the brunette had been swallowed up by the earth … Emma could feel her closeness, every second, every minute … always. She had given up the thought to move on, because she knew it was impossible. Regina belonged to her. Emma needed her … the memory of her, like she needed air.
"Please, please, just one?" Killian begged.
Emma sighed, and pressed a quick kiss on his cheek. He closed his eyes, and inhaled deeply, smiling like a goof. "That's enough, that's all I need," he grinned, handing Emma the car keys. His sweet behavior made it hard for Emma to keep up with the hate she felt for him.
A part of Emma still was planning to leave. But the other part, the stronger part of her knew that she had nowhere to go. She had no job, no money, and no home to go back to. Asking Neal and Tamara for help seemed stupid. The two of them had a tiny apartment, and with Mary, the little scream queen, it was already packed in there. Ruby and Graham too were expecting a child. And soon, very soon Emma would get her baby too. No matter how much it hurt, she had to admit that they were depended on Killian. Her and the baby boy. It was a boy, she felt it. So, Emma really had no other choice than to stay here, with Killian. She decided that she had to give life with him a second chance …
Five Years later.
Emma stood outside the door, her hand on the knob. Carefully, she pushed the knob down, and quietly walked into the room. She tiptoed to the bed. Then she remained standing there for a while. All she could hear was her heart that beat evenly in her chest. And breathing … not just hers, no. The breathing of the person who was lying in the bed, and gave meaning to her life.
_
A/N: I know, I know ... the time jump sure does come as a surprise. And I know that it doesn't really look good for our girls, but doesn't mean anything. We've reached the last part of the story, so to say, and even though it looks hopeless I will fix everything, I promise :P