25

Tony hadn't slept at all the night before his first official date with Angela since their rather unsuccessful last date which seemed to have taken place in another life. He had brought her to a comedy club - that had been some idea - and she had found out that Mona had talked him into taking her out. She had called it a 'pity-date' and had been very angry with him. After a short argument in the kitchen, the evening had ended with the two of them on the couch, watching tv and he had laid his arms around her shoulder. She had asked him whether he would ever take her out on a date again and he had said 'yes'. Of course, both hadn't imagined that night that it would take almost ten years until they dated once again.

They were sitting at a small table in a romantic little restaurant overlooking the Hudson river. Tony had more thoroughly chosen the location this time. The food had been delicious, the wine extraordinary. The atmosphere was elegant but not kooky, the waiters had been serving them with restrained attention, and the prices on the menu didn't exceed his budget. Of course he would pay the check, this had to be a classic date and he wanted to be the gentleman at her side she deserved, but he was a bit short of money, being only a college student with a part-time job.

Tony had brought something with him. He had been hiding it in his pants pocket the entire evening and he thought the moment was right to give it to her now.

"Angela, there is something I want to give back to you." He handed her a little box she instantly recognized. It was the box she had given him the night before his wedding. She didn't have to open it to know what was inside.

"My father's cuff-links?" What did he try to tell her with giving them back?

"You gave them to me for my wedding, remember, because you couldn't be there?" How could she not remember? "I kept them like the Holy Grail. They were my only physical connection to you, something I could hold onto. On lonely nights, when Kathleen was on one of her business trips and Lynnie in bed already, I sometimes took them out of the drawer, where I was hiding them, and just had a look. I never wore them again though. The occasion never seemed right. Nobody has ever given me such a personal and precious gift, Angela, but they belong to you and your family. One day you should give them to Jonathan for his wedding. Now that I have you back in my life, I can do without them. And ..." He paused for a moment, took a sip of wine, then continued. "Maybe you've regretted giving them to me after how I treated you."

"Oh, Tony, I never regretted giving them to you. I suffered because of what you did, but I never lost the faith in you. I don't mind if you keep them."

He smiled at her and hoped she'd understand. He didn't want her to get this wrong, he loved her gift and had never owned such an expensive piece of jewelry. But they were her father's and should remain in her family. Moreover, he knew about that special connection to her father who had died so early, and giving away something so memorable must have been difficult.

"I know how much you loved your father, Angela, and how much you miss him. Giving me his cuff-links was like giving me a part of you. I deeply appreciate that you thought I was worthy such a gift. But they are a part of your family history and Jonathan should have his grandfather's cuff-links. If you don't give them to him for his wedding, I will!" he said with a boyish grin which signalled her 'end of discussion'.

"Alright then. I see your point."

"Good."

Tony was relieved she understood. He had been apprehensive about returning her present. Angela slowly opened the box and couldn't hold back her tears when she pictured the cuff-links. She remembered her father wearing them on several occasions, like Christmas or her cousin's wedding. She would love to see Jonathan having them one day. Her father had died almost thirty years ago but she still missed him badly. Tony took her hand and was convinced, now that he saw how emotionally touched she was, that it had been right to give them back to her.

They smiled at each other. "Thank you, Tony", Angela said in a tearful voice.

After having emptied the last glass of wine, Tony paid the check. Angela had been attentive enough not to offer to take care of it. She knew he had been eager to do this in the traditional way, but she had carefully chosen her order to ensure this evening wasn't pushing him over the edge financially. The waiters were handing them their coats, Tony helped her into hers and held his arm out for her. "Your carriage awaits, Madame!" he chivalrously exclaimed. For a short moment, he thought of taking her to a club for some dancing but then refrained from doing so. 'One step at a time', he told himself. So they drove back to Fairfield right away. Both were rather silent on the car ride back. Tony had set the radio to a swing station, so they listened to some music they both loved so much. Angela was looking out of the window contemplating their date. It had been a lot better than their first one. A comedy club! What had he been thinking? She had to smile slightly recollecting this unique evening. She had socked this stupid stand-up comedian, who thought he could turn their relationship into ridicule, on the jaw. Really, Tony's and her relationship had never been ordinary or boring!

When they pulled into the driveway of 3344 Oak Hills Drive, Tony stopped the engine, got off the car, walked around it and opened the door for Angela. A gentleman from head to toe! They walked the short path to the front door, Tony took out his keys and opened. This in itself was unique, living under the same roof with the woman you had just taken out for the first date. He had bitten back the joke 'your place or mine?' this time. There was no place for joking tonight, this was too serious.

"How about a night cap, Angela?" He didn't want the evening to end so soon.

"Why not? I think I can handle one more glass of wine."

So, he took care of the wine while she made herself comfortable on the couch. When he returned with two glasses of Cabernet, he handed her one and proposed a toast.

"To our second date. It went much better than the first one, didn't it?" He smiled.

Angela chuckled. "Yeah, it definitely did. I also had to think about it. This bimbo of a comedian making fun of us ... I hope his jaw ached for quite some time. My hand sure did!" 'How light the atmosphere is between us', Angela thought. 'If it could only always be like this.' She had enjoyed the evening very much and if he asked her for another date, she definitely would agree. They had been walking on parted roads for so long, it was time they merged their paths.

Although Angela didn't really wanted the evening to end, eventually she was so tired she simply had to go to bed.

"Thank you, Tony, for a wonderful evening. I had a great time but for now I think I have to go to bed. It's been a stressful week at the agency and I'm really tired." She put her empty glass on the table and got up from the couch.

"I'll walk you all the way home, Angela, which means in our case, up to your bedroom door. I know how to do this properly." So he once again held his arm out to her and led her up the stairs, through the hallway, past his room, up to hers.

"Is there anything else I can do for you to make this evening perfect?" he asked.

'Kiss me!' went through Angela's mind.

As if he could read her mind, and there were times she would have sworn he could, he stepped closer. So close that their faces almost touched. He pulled her into an embrace, tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear, stroked her cheek, cupped her face with both hands - 'he's got such warm hands' - and kissed her ever so gently but determined on the lips. She was totally taken by his soft kiss. This was a perfect kiss! Michael had also been a good kisser; his kisses had been passionate, longing and possessing, whereas Tony's kisses were sensitive, tender and giving. Then he placed butterfly kisses all over her face. His hands went from her face to her neck, then her back, he embraced her tighter and pressed her body against his firm chest. He started to nibble at her earlobe and kissed the nape of her neck. Tony got bolder and more assertive, slowly shedding the attitude of the perfect gentleman on a classic date and releasing the sexually attracted man inside of him whose heart was ablaze for the woman of his dreams. He lavishly planted forceful kisses everywhere and let his hands wander down her spine, lower and lower. Angela sucked in her breath and moaned. How long had she been yearning to be kissed like this? 'If he makes love the way he kisses, he takes a woman to the Garden of Eden.' The mere thought of it made her knees weaken and she had to hold on to him. They shared another long, voluptuous and demanding kiss and only pulled apart when their lungs were screaming for some oxygen.

"Oh my," Angela murmured breathlessly, trying to find back her equilibrium. Then, to Tony's dismay, she put both hands on his chest and slowly pushed him away. She literally held him at arm's length. Her eyes were still closed and she was breathing hard in an attempt to control her desire; she swallowed hard. If she didn't stop this, if she let things slide, they would end in bed together, she was absolutely sure about that.

"Stop it, Tony. I can't do this. I can't sleep with you tonight. Not until we know for sure whether we really gonna make it. Not that I don't want to, quite the contrary, it's a very tempting perception. I've wanted this to happen for many years ... but I don't want this to be a one-night stand. If we ever make love ... I ... want it to be forever. If I sleep with you tonight, and we end up separated, it'll kill me. ... I'm sorry." Her voice broke at the end.

Tony felt as if a hammer had been hit over his head. This last kiss had been so full of desire and yearning, he was aroused and almost couldn't think straight anymore. The blood from his brain had went elsewhere. 'That's what more than ten years of postponing do to a man, I guess', he thought. Now she was pushing him away. Of course he would meet her needs, although he had been turned on so badly, it almost caused him physical pain to stop. How was he supposed to release the tension within his body?

"Angela", he stammered, "why ... are you doing this to me? You're driving me crazy."

"That isn't my intention at all", she whispered. "But I can't do something I'm not content to do. I'm sorry if I hurt you. Uhm, ... I think I better go to my room now."

With this she turned on the spot, opened the door to her bedroom, entered, closed it again and left a dumbfounded man in front of her threshold.

Tony had problems falling asleep this night. After Angela had left him in front of her door like a horny teenager, he hadn't understood anything anymore. The mixed signals she had been sending out confused him. He knew she didn't do it on purpose, that it was a sign of her insecurity. There definitely was need to talk; he had to find out what was still so heavy on her mind. After some hours of restless sleep he had to go to the bathroom. He got out of bed, cautiously opened his door and stepped into the hallway. On his way to the bathroom he had to pass Angela's door and found it ajar. A beam of light was shining through the small gap. Was she still awake? Was this an opportunity to talk to her?

"Angela", he whispered, "are you awake? Can I come in?"

As he didn't hear an answer, he gently pushed the door open a little more and found her asleep in her bed. She had left on the light on her night stand, that was the light which had been coming out of her room. She looked gorgeous! Obviously she had also been tossing and turning; her hair was tousled, the pillows were crumpled-up, the sheets were askew and her duvet was pulled down to her waist. She wore a black silky nightgown with a lace neckline which left a valuable sight of her cleavage. He stared at her. She was so beautiful, even in her restless sleep. How much he had wanted to sleep with her tonight! She had been his secret desire for so long before Kathleen even entered his world. But she was right. If they didn't become a couple - what a frightening thought! - it would be like having eaten a delicious but forbidden fruit. It would haunt him for the rest of his life to have tasted it once without being allowed to enjoy it again. So he pulled the duvet back up to her chest, not without having one more look at her lace-framed cleavage, turned off the bedside lamp, left her room and silently shut the door.

When Angela woke up the next morning, she didn't really feel refreshed. The turn the evening had taken, the fact that she had almost landed in bed with him, had brought her a restless and little restorative sleep. She got out of bed, brushed her teeth, put her hair in a messy pony tail and put her pink bathrobe on. Then she walked downstairs to meet Tony in the kitchen. She was pretty sure that was the place where she would find him. She had to talk to him about what had happened in front of her bedroom door last night.

Just like she supposed, Tony was already sitting at the kitchen table, musing about the end of their date. His head was buried in his hands, so he didn't notice her standing in the frame of the swinging door. She looked at him. What a handsome man! He was sitting there in his pyjama pants and a tight shirt which left visible his sculpted chest and muscular arms. 'Maybe I should've slept with him. What if it was the one and only chance?' came to her mind. No, it had been right to withdraw from him. If they didn't find a way back together - what a frightening thought! - this night would always remind her painfully of what she lost. So she shook off her musings and made herself heard.

"Good morning", she said silently with a deep voice. He didn't have to turn around to predict the sight which greeted him; Angela in her pink bathrobe!

"Good morning, Angela. I already made some tea for you." He got up, took a mug from the hook, poured some tea out of a thermos and placed it on the table in front of her. The way he moved around the kitchen disclosed the amount of his cluelessness and insecurity.

"Tony, I'm sorry about last night. I shouldn't have let it get that far."

"Why? Was it that bad?"

"No, it wasn't bad, ... it wasn't bad at all. Actually, it was very nice."

"Then, why are you so upset?"

"I'm not upset, I'm confused."

"Confused about what? Me? Us?" Tony asked. "I love you, Angela. I've always loved you! Even during my marriage, deep down I haven't stopped loving you", he insisted.

"And I love you, Tony." Angela startled because of what she had just said. Had she really spoken it out loudly? But it was true and he deserved to know. She loved him. Still. Like him, she had never stopped loving him. "But it's not that simple, I'm afraid. This isn't a carefree teenage summer romance, Tony. We have a history together. A history filled with all kinds of experiences; joyful and painful ones, experiences I cherish and experiences I want to forget. I sometimes ask myself if it hadn't worked then, why should it work now?" It sounded so disillusioned that Tony's heart convulsed. It hadn't worked? Was she serious? To his mind it had worked perfectly, at least until he had ruined everything. Had it only been perfect for him? Had she wanted their relationship to be any different? Somehow he had always believed there was a silent agreement about how fast it evolved. But who was he kidding? Angela had sent him unambiguous signals more than once; after his short episode with Franky, on the bench in Jamaica, and most of all the day he had told her about his first night with Kathleen; he just had been too gutless to answer them.

"We can work things out, Angela. We have to! I can't live without you, I need you."

Why had he never been so open-hearted all those years ago? Why hadn't he confided in her when things were still sound and straight between them? How come he had gotten involved with Kathleen although his dream woman had always been directly in front of his face? He looked at Angela who sat at the kitchen table, exhausted and sad. The only possible move for her at the moment was an orderly retreat. That was the only way for her to be able to keep her composure and prevent crumbling into pieces right in front of him.

"I'm ... leaving today. I have to catch up on some paper work at the agency and ... I might not be coming next weekend. There's so much to do at the moment."

She knew he knew that it was only a flimsy pretense. She needed to detach herself from the course of their relationship which had gained too much speed for her lately. Tony stared at the table cloth and only nodded. He couldn't meet her eyes, he didn't want her to see his tears.