A/N: 10/27/2015 SO sorry I didn't update when I said I would. I've had a ton of other stuff to do lately and by the time I got around to this chapter I had to tweak it and tweak it until I was satisfied. Silly half-baked perfectionist that I am. Anyway I hope you enjoy. I'm REALLY hyped to share this chapter with you and I'd love to know what you think :)
Thank you Manaliac (I agree, Finnick needs to man up), Flames Of Sage (you're welcome!), cuacuaro (you're most welcome! I love Finniss), Keeper (don't worry, Finnick won't die), Live4theMusic (thanks for the correction, I fixed it!), A Huge Fan (thank you so much!), Anshu (I am sincerely flattered by your words, thank you!), Guest, Emme (oh gosh I'm so flattered. I was exactly the same way when I discovered the joy that is Finniss, squeaking whenever they were in a scene together. Thanks so much for letting me know about your new OTP!), and Guest (don't worry, I've got your update right here!) for your reviews :)
MUCH thanks to Elfielovesbooks for help on like, pretty much the entire first half of this chapter. You're amazing, Elfie! :)
Reading Time:
if you're fast: 25 mins or less.
if you're slow: 43 mins or less.
Disclaimer: I do not own The Hunger Games.
Chapter twenty-five: Whirlwind to Tempest~
They get up early in the morning to begin their march to the Capitol, with Katniss and her team all rushing to get dressed and properly outfitted for their journey.
She's just begun zipping up her bulletproof vest when Plutarch comes in, walking past the others and making his way to her with a rather uneasy look. For a moment she thinks he's about to tell her something horrible has happened to Prim or her mother, but decides to keep her cool until he's said his piece. No need to get all panicky an hour before leaving just because the middle-aged gamemaker wore a look she didn't like.
"Katniss." He greets, somewhat stiffly. She can tell it's just a quick formality to get out of the way before he drops whatever news he has to bring on her, and so she waits for him to do just that. "Um, listen...I know you're busy getting ready for a rebellion and all, but...Peeta asked that I come get you."
She furrows her brows and tilts her head, relieved and somewhat confused. "Peeta?" What would Peeta want with her?
The gamemaker nods. "Yes. He found out that you and your team were planning on heading out this morning and wanted to see you before you left. He wouldn't say why, but I figured I'd let you know in case you wanted to speak with him one last time."
She knows that he doesn't mean it that way, but Plutarch makes it sound like she's going to die a horrible death and that she should seriously weigh her options before deciding to leave without seeing her ex-star-crossed lover. She fully realizes that it would probably bring her some kind of closure to at least see Peeta before she left, but at the same time none of their previous encounters had really been what one would call 'positive', and she couldn't think of a single time when either of them had left each other's presence without one feeling hostile towards the other. She didn't want to leave and then die regretting that she hadn't at least spoken with him (assuming she did die, that is) but she also didn't want to have yet another hurtful conversation that would only lead to tearing them further apart. Not to mention the stress that it was sure to cause her and, therefore, her team.
Still, even if it did go completely south, she would regret it either way. She was damned if she did and damned if she didn't. And so it was decided. She would see him. Because even if it didn't bring any kind of closure to her, maybe it would do something good for him. Peeta would have surely gone to see her if their positions were reversed, and it was the least she could do to try and mend the rift between them. It was worth a try.
"Okay." She says, nodding to reassure herself of her decision. "Take me to him."
Plutarch looks slightly taken aback, as though he had never thought she'd actually agree, but ultimately nods his approval once he's recovered from his shock.
She gets permission from Boggs and follows after the gamemaker, deliberately ignoring the looks she gets from Finnick and Gale as she goes to see the boy with the bread.
Walking into Peeta's holding cell feels a little like walking into a lion's den.
Katniss takes a deep breath as the two guards assigned to Peeta's post close the large metal doors behind her. She feels trapped, locked inside an inescapable room with a man capable of suffocating her with just his gaze alone. He has so much more fire inside him now that he's been hijacked, so different from the person she used to know. He's changed. But then again, so has she.
"Peeta." She greets, nodding to him.
"Katniss." He greets back, nodding in turn.
She doesn't wait for things to get awkward. "You said you wanted to see me?"
"Yeah," he says, walking over to the metal table in the center of the room, the chains of his handcuffs clanking. "I did."
The scene is very similar to when she had first gone to see Peeta after he'd been hijacked, but the tone and overall feel of this one is very different from the first. The threatening feeling of danger and hostility is all but gone, and he doesn't look at her like he wants to kill her. The way he moves, looks and speaks is so much softer compared to back then, it's almost as though he is finally back to the way he was, the way he used to be before she destroyed the arena. Before the Quell.
"I just wanted to see you." Peeta says, voice much softer and much more gentle. It's almost as though he's speaking to Annie. "Before you left...one last time."
She nods, pretending to understand, before ultimately opening her mouth to ask for a more detailed answer. "Why? I mean...it's not like we're friends or anything. The last time I saw you, you wanted to tell Annie about me and Finnick. Why choose now to play nice?"
It feels like she's just singlehandedly shattered whatever 'moment' they were supposed to be sharing together, but she's tired of keeping her opinions to herself. She wants to know why he's suddenly deciding to act like some semblance of his old self, and if she's going to die within the next few days then she sure as hell better get a straight answer.
Peeta is silent for a while, but not long enough to grate on her nerves before he finally decides to reply.
"I guess...I guess I just wanted to say that...I'm sorry." He says, bowing his head and staring down at his hands.
Katniss' mouth falls open in complete shock, eyes widening as she stares at the young man before her. Peeta continues.
"I know I've put you through a lot. And even though I know you never loved me, I know that I used to really love you...so don't worry about whether or not it's your fault. What happened to me was out of both our hands. I don't blame you. And you shouldn't blame yourself, either."
She brings a hand up to shield her quivering lip as tears sting at her eyes, blurring her vision and rolling off her lashes in little droplets that trail down her cheeks and jaw and neck.
Of all the things that had gone through her mind regarding what he would have to say to her as she followed Plutarch to his cell, an apology had never been one of them. After all, Peeta was a damaged Victor who had so much more to worry about and focus on besides her, whether it be his growing relationship with Annie or his steady-going trip to recovery. And yet here he was, taking time out of his day to apologize and let her know that he was thinking about her. And he wanted her know what he thought of her, too, before she left and he possibly never saw her again. To think – to know – that he cared on such a deep level like that, after such a short amount of time...a better gift could not have been given. Annie must have done wonders for his health.
Without thinking, she crosses the distance between them and wraps her arms around Peeta, squeezing him tightly and sobbing quietly into his shoulder. He stiffens immediately at the contact, and not a second later he's wriggling out of her grasp and pushing her away.
"I'm sorry," he breathes, eyes wide and voice somewhat shaky. "I'm just...I don't want to hurt you."
She nods, understanding completely, and wipes away her tears and steps back to give him some room.
"...I care about you," she croaks, and he looks surprised. "Like I would any friend. And no matter what happens, I want us to still be friends when this is all over."
He gives her a soft smirk. "Yeah...me too."
She stands beside the metal table, just crying and smiling at him, when Plutarch enters the room.
"Katniss-" he pauses to take in the scene before him, and though she doesn't turn around to face him, she can tell by the way Peeta looks at him that he feels as though he's barged in on an intimate moment. "Um...Boggs wants you back with the team. They're heading out in five minutes."
She sniffles, turning to nod her compliance, and follows him out of the room. She stops just as she's halfway through the doors and turns back to face Peeta one last time, memorizing every detail of his face in case this will be the last trace she ever sees of gentle kindness in him again.
"Any last words of advice?" She asks, sniffling and chuckling nervously.
Peeta nods to her, smirking lopsidedly as he replies with a scoff, "Stay alive."
She looks to the ground and tosses out a soundless chuckle as she remembers Haymitch saying those very words just before they went into the Quell together.
She looks back up at him, still smiling, and nods. "I will."
He gives her a nod to let her know that he has every bit of faith that she'll do just that, and Plutarch tells her that they need to leave now if she doesn't want to be left behind.
Katniss finally heeds the gamemaker's warnings, and crosses the threshold separating her from the rest of the world to join Plutarch. The guards close the large metal doors behind her, and as she marches back the way she came to join the rest of her squad, a new wave of tears begin to fight their way to the surface.
In all the years to come, she would never be able to express her full gratitude towards Peeta for letting her go, for releasing her of her own torment and telling her, in his own words, that everything would be okay. She was finally free now. Free to do and think and say whatever she wanted without having to feel guilty or dirty or sick because of it. She was finally severed from that thin string of nonexistent romance between them, and she didn't even have to do anything; it was Peeta who cut the cord.
She had been holding onto him all this time, and even up to the last moment it felt like she was trying to pull someone up from the depths of blackness, someone who wasn't even the same person she thought she knew anymore. She had tried so hard to give him his space, to give him as much time as he needed to get better and recover, but all she had really done was prolong the inevitable. Peeta had saved her from losing a part of herself in order to give him a piece of himself back. He had saved her from the tears and hardships of having to let him go.
She walks with Plutarch back to her team and stands beside Finnick as they listen to Boggs' motivational speech, all the while reveling in the sudden flow of happiness she feels.
Everything is so much lighter now, from her feet to her arms all the way up to her head. It's like a weight has been lifted from her shoulders, and she supposes that it really has. She had gone so long with the heavy burden of being a sister and a lover and a daughter and a symbol that she had nearly forgotten what it felt like to be a normal eighteen-year-old girl. Finnick seems to notice this change in character, but doesn't say anything on account that they're supposed to be paying attention to their Commander.
She notices his posture relax and his face soften, and discreetly lowers her hand away from her gun and inches her fingers towards his, nudging his thumb with her pinkie. It's meant to only be a brief acknowledgement of his presence and a way for her to let him know without words that she appreciates him being here, but he takes it a step further and brazenly grabs hold of her hand, giving it a comforting squeeze before lacing his fingers with hers for the whole world to see.
Heat floods to her face at immense speed, and Boggs clearly notices their joined hands but mercifully decides to ignore it.
She smiles.
No.
She would never be able to repay Peeta.
But she would spend every day of the rest of her life trying.
They head through the train tunnels of District 12 on foot rather than taking a hovercraft or some other faster means of transportation.
Katniss finds it somewhat of a cruel irony that she would have to march past her broken home in order to get to the man responsible for it – for no other reason than the sake of stealth - but she is more than prepared to do whatever she has to do if it means killing Snow. It was time that he paid for his crimes.
Throughout the time that they walk, she's well aware of Finnick's presence, though he's never directly behind or beside her. She feels his warm gaze on her every now and then, but other than that there is no form of communication between them. She doesn't feel nearly as insecure about this as she normally would, though; since her goodbyes with Peeta, she feels far more confident in herself and their relationship. It's very likely that this is just a phase, a sort of high that will wear off given enough time, but at the moment she doesn't care. Finnick is here, with her, and that's all that matters.
Her other team members – Jackson, twin sisters by the nicknames of Leeg1 and Leeg2, Homes, and Mitchell – all seem less than talkative, especially since they had witnessed she and Finnick's shared kiss after their mission debriefing. They all probably thought she was some kind of tramp and that Finnick was nothing but a no-good snake, going behind Annie's back like that. She's hurt that they think this, that the people she's supposed to be protecting and trusting her life with all assume that she's no better than the Capitol scum they're trying to usurp, but she isn't about to break down and cry about it, either. Not after she's come so far.
Gale didn't seem to hate her, though. If anything, he seemed resolute rather than spiteful, as though he were proud and respectful of her decision, of the fact that she'd finally made her choice. She could never have asked for a better friend. After everything they had been through, amidst all the drama and rumors and gossip that was sure to have gone on about her, he stayed true to her as a friend. He never doubted her, never abandoned her. She wanted to tell him that she was thankful for this, endlessly thankful, but she hadn't found the time or place to do so yet. She would, though. She would make sure of it.
After a good few hours of walking, they come upon a rebel campsite, and decide to rest their aching feet before going the rest of the way to complete their journey. Boggs tells them to take a load off and they're all grateful, plopping down by the nearest campfire and getting themselves something to eat as they prepare for the next morning. It was perfectly timed, too, that they would happen upon this rest stop when they did; their march had been uneventful to the point of severe boredom amongst her teammates, and she feared that if they didn't stop to rest soon they would all start shooting each other to liven things up.
Though she feels uneasy knowing that they're going to be sleeping in a dark tunnel – in a place with absolutely no escape other than the two entrances that are very subject to ambush – she also reasons that the rebels they've met up with have probably been camping here for weeks, and that if they can probably survive another night, then so can she.
She sits with her team around one of the campfires, waiting as one of the rebels pours each of them a bowl of hot soup. She is completely alone on her side of the campfire, with the exception of Gale and Finnick, who sit on either side of her. Their places are like a clock; Homes at ten, Mitchell at eleven, Jackson at twelve, Leeg1 and 2 at one and two, Gale at seven, Finnick at five, and herself at six. Tick-tock...
Thoughts of the Quell flash through her mind, and she mentally curses herself for bringing up such traumatizing thoughts. She blinks and gives her head a quick shake to clear her mind, and ignores the questionable stares she gets from her teammates. Finnick gets up from his spot to accept two bowls of soup from the rebel stranger manning the cauldron of food, and goes to sit back down next to Katniss, his left leg pressing against her right one as he once again makes himself comfortable beside her.
"Hungry?" He whispers, holding out the second bowl of soup.
She doesn't answer, but gratefully accepts what is offered to her all the same. She takes the bowl from his hand, metal spoon clinking around the ceramic rim as she does so, but instead of picking up the utensil and taking a bite of food like she's supposed to, she just holds it in her hands, relishing in the warmth it brings to her chilled fingers.
The smell of meat and vegetables steams up and into her nose, and she closes her eyes as she inhales deeply, the aroma bringing her back to old memories of District 12 and her mother at the stove, of Prim playing with Buttercup and Gale waiting outside for her to hunt, of home.
She cradles the bowl in her lap, finally ready to leave the warm refuge her hands have found and pick up the cold metal spoon, dipping it into the soup and bringing up a healthy amount of meats and veggies as she takes a bite of her piping-hot meal.
Finnick seems to be enjoying the heat provided by their soups just as much as she is, because he takes all the time in the world between warming his hands with his bowl and warming everything else with the food. Though it hadn't been particularly cold during the first half of their walk, the temperature had dropped considerably once they reached the tunnels, and even though they were all decked out in at least ten pounds of gear, their hands and heads still suffered.
The two spend the next hour or so eating and talking by the campfire, occasionally going back for another helping of food. Though Gale and the other five members of their team have left and are now fully engaged in conversation some yards away with Boggs, she and Finnick are the black sheep of the group. No one tries to include either of them in whatever topic it is that they're discussing, and neither of them bother to force their way into someplace they're clearly not wanted. She and Finnick don't talk much either, but the silence is far more desirable than whatever awkward hostility they'd surely endure if they tried to butt their way into Gale's group. Though she's sure that Gale would defend her if she so wished it, she'd much rather hang out on the sidelines with Finnick than be forcibly included in a group conversation she clearly wasn't welcome in by all but two.
Katniss puts down her third bowl of soup, resting it at her left side as she draws her knees up to her chin and stares out at the fire. Finnick is busy working on his fourth helping, and with nothing else to do, she listens to the crackling fire and the ever-present sounds of slurping from the bronze-haired man beside her.
It doesn't bother her at first, but after what feels like an hour of loud and prolonged slurps right next to her ear, she decides that she's had enough.
"Finnick, would you stop that?"
The slurping immediately turns into gagging as Finnick begins choking on his soup, and he resorts to pounding his chest with his fist so he can clear his air passage.
She smiles and rolls her eyes as he dramatically coughs a few times, sighing once he's done. "Are you finished?"
He defiantly coughs once more just to irk her. "...Maybe."
She rolls her eyes again and closes them shut, shaking her head and exhaling long and slow. She feels Finnick lean his head on her shoulder, the spikes of his hair poking at her cheek and neck.
"You tired?" He whispers, and she imagines his own eyes drifting closed as she keeps hers shut.
"...Maybe," she answers smartly, albeit tiredly.
Finnick turns his head and nuzzles her neck, burying his face in her braid and soft skin.
Katniss panics. "Woah, hey! Cut it out, there are people watching!"
He lets out a long, whiny moan. "But Katniiiiiiiss! I wanna hug you and kiss you and...all that...other stuff..."
She lets herself smile only because he can't see, and she tiredly lifts her eyelids to look out at the fire, whipping and swirling and constantly changing shape.
She's always been fascinated with fire. The way the flames can dance and twirl and morph and shift and put on a wonderful show while giving heat and cooking food all at the same time. It's amazing, the thought of something being so beautiful, deadly, and useful. And being known as the Girl on Fire, she should know. Maybe that was why Snow wanted her dead.
She breaks out of her reverie to gently remove Finnick from her person. Though she doesn't mind the contact, she also doesn't want her teammates to think any less of her than they already do, and public displays of affection would hardly help the matter.
Finnick begrudgingly complies with her wishes, and the two Victors proceed to leave the comforting warmth of the fire and pitch the tent that they would be sharing for the night.
Katniss kicks off her right boot as she sits on the uncomfortable army-grade cot inside she and Finnick's tent.
It had taken her at least ten minutes to get all of her gear off (something Finnick had initially been more than happy to help with, but was left disappointed when she ordered him to wait outside) and her boots and pants were the last things to go. She had a spare change of undergarments intended for sleeping in inside her pack – a pair of brown shorts and a tan-colored tank top – which were apparently standard issue for women in the military, but she felt far too exposed and self-conscious to ever go prancing outside her tent in them unless there was an emergency.
Shivering, she opened her backpack and began putting on the rather tight articles of clothing, feeling uneasy at the thought of sharing a tent with Finnick for the night. Granted, she had already seen far more of him than was considered normal (and he of her) but something about being surrounded by a bunch of other tents and people – with almost no privacy and nothing separating them but walls of cloth – doesn't sit well with her. It's not like she and Finnick are planning on doing anything (that was the last thing on her mind right now) but she knew that her other teammates would hardly approve.
It wasn't like it was some sort of anomaly that they were sharing a tent, though – Boggs had assigned all eight members of their team a 'sleeping buddy' so that they could carry half the amount of tents and equipment, which would result in a lighter load for all of them and, therefore, get them to where they needed to go faster. Gale was with Jackson. Leeg1 with Leeg2. Mitchell with Homes. And she with Finnick. So she supposed that she shouldn't feel too guilty – after all, she hadn't been the one to assign herself to Finnick, Boggs had – but she was sure that if they hadn't already (as Gale had put it) 'had something going on', then it never would have turned out that way. Still, she's not about to complain.
She hears rustling outside the tent and Finnick comes strolling in, still dressed in his gear, and she whirls around to face him.
"Finnick!" She hisses, voice a whisper. "I told you to wait outside until I was ready!"
Finnick doesn't respond immediately; he doesn't even roll his eyes. He just stands there, staring at her sleeping garments (or lack thereof) and she feels the need to try and cover herself as a wry grin slowly makes its way to his face. She can't tell if he's just admiring what he sees or trying to keep from bursting out with laughter, but either way she doesn't appreciate being gawked at.
She bends down and picks up her boot, hurling it at his head. He snaps out of his trance and dodges just in time, letting out a painful cry of 'ow!' as the heavy shoe grazes his cheek and ear and she crosses her arms in triumph.
"Serves you right!" She says, holding her chin high.
Her victory, unfortunately, is short-lived. Finnick grins like a madman and charges towards her, grabbing hold of her waist and hefting her into the air before playfully slamming her back down on the cot behind her (gently, of course). She laughs and struggles to get out from under him, not wanting Boggs or Gale or anyone else to come waltzing in and see them in a rather controversial position, but Finnick is having none of it. He wraps his arms tighter around her and buries his face in her neck, causing her to giggle even more when his nose tickles the tiny hairs on her skin.
"So," Finnick breathes, pulling away to look in her eyes. "You wanna help me outta these clothes? I'm just dying to show you what my sleeping garments look like."
She sputters and tries to raise a hand to slap him, but is unable to due to the fact that he's so close. She calms her breath and steadies her heart rate, taking time to stare at the laugh lines at the corners of his eyes. She takes in his sea-green irises, his tanned skin, his wrinkles (however few there are), his nose, mouth, jaw, hair...all of it. She doesn't know what's come over her, but she can't help but stare at every part of him with love and adoration. He's far from perfect, and so is she, but together she thinks that a better match could not have been made. She loved him.
"...Do you love me?" She asks, voice low as she continues to study him.
He furrows his brows and blinks, chuckling in confusion. "What?"
"Do you love me?" She asks again, though by her tone one would never guess that it was a serious question.
"I...of course I do!" He says, somewhat defensively. "Why would you think that I don't?"
She doesn't answer. Instead, she moves right along to her next point. "I severed ties with Peeta."
He blinks, body going rigid as he stares down at her with wide eyes. "You...what?"
"I let him go," she says, finding strength in her voice as she says it. "Right before we left for the Capitol."
A slow smile makes its way to his mouth, expression a mixture of disbelief and wonder. "You...you did?"
"Yes." She says proudly, smiling herself. "And I want to know if you spoke with Annie before we left."
Finnick's smile quickly fades, and she knows that the moment they'd been sharing is now over. He looks offended, as though she's just accused him of the worst possible crime one could commit while in a relationship with another person, and though she hadn't meant it as a judgment or interrogation, she knows that's how he's going to take it.
He begins to get off of her, but the minute her hands are free she desperately sits up and grasps at the loose fabric of his sleeves, pulling him back towards her.
"Finnick, no, that's not what I meant-"
"Is that what you think of me?" He asks, cutting her off. "That I would even consider going on a life-threatening mission without letting Annie know how I feel? That I would risk dying and have her still believe that I loved her? That I would lead her on?"
She gapes, opening and closing her mouth like a fish. "I...I-"
"Is that what you think?" He says again, voice raised and brows furrowed with anxiety.
"I...No!" She says, putting a hand to her forehead when her voice comes out too loud. She'd forgotten that other people were listening. "I just...I wanted to know, okay? I don't care if you have or you haven't talked to her. I just want to know. I'm sick of keeping secrets, and I don't want that for us. I'll still-"
She stops herself.
I'll still love you.
Why couldn't she say it? Why was it so hard to get those four little words out?
"...I just don't want there to be anything standing between us." She finishes, averting her gaze and waiting for him to react.
Finnick stands on his knees at the edge of her cot, silently processing the meaning behind her words. The silence gets uncomfortable after a while, and she tries not to fidget in her anxiousness to get an answer.
"Yes."
Her head snaps up, gray meeting green as she stares hopefully at him.
"Yes?" She whispers, though she's not aware that she's spoken.
"Yes," he says again, assuring her. "I spoke with Annie before we left. I decided to let her know about us last night, right after Boggs and Plutarch briefed us on our mission."
After you kissed me, she thinks, going back to the moment in her mind.
"...How is she?" She asks, feeling concern and guilt on Annie's part.
"She's fine," he says, sounding more happy than she thought he would. "She said that she'd always care about me, and that she wanted us to be happy. She didn't really cry like I thought she would. But then again, I guess I have Peeta to thank for that."
Peeta. His name doesn't bring feelings of shame or guilt like it used to, but of happiness and resolution, of finality. She's more than glad to give him up to Annie if it means that they'll both be happy, and judging from what she's seen of their interactions so far, she has nothing to worry about.
"Oh..." She says, not really knowing what else to say. "Well, I'm proud of you. I know it must have been hard."
She reaches up a hand and strokes his face, running her thumb back and forth across his cheekbone as her fingers brush over his hair. He sighs and leans into her touch, and she gives him a chaste kiss on the lips. They stare understandingly at one another for a moment, and Finnick reluctantly breaks the trance by pushing himself up into a standing position and backing away a few steps. He turns to see if the tent flap is properly closed, and then proceeds to take off his vest and combat boots.
Katniss has the decency to look away as he takes off his gear and gets into the sleeping garments provided for him in his backpack, and once he's done she slides into the covers of her cot and lay down, watching as he moves to turn out the single lantern hanging from the ceiling of their tent.
"See, Fire Girl?" He says confidently, gesturing to his clothes. "What'd I tell ya?"
She looks, unimpressed, at his sleeping garments. "...They're exactly like mine."
He hisses through his teeth. "I know, right? Good thing we're not in the Capitol yet. They'd make us suffer through Who Wore It Best."
Katniss rolls her eyes and turns over, shifting uncomfortably in her stiff cot. Darkness consumes her vision as Finnick shuts off the lantern, and she hears him pad over to his own cot. She shuts her eyes, opening them a moment later when she hears a scraping, grating sound. Even though she can't see anything, she still scoffs as she listens to Finnick pushing his cot until it's right next to hers, connecting them into a larger bed.
"The whole world didn't just hear that." She whispers sarcastically, shaking her head and pulling the covers up to her chin.
The cot squeaks as Finnick lays down in it, right beside her, but she doesn't complain in the least when he wraps an arm around her and pulls her close. Her body heat is seeping right through the thin cloth of the cot, and even though she has a blanket, it does little in the way of warmth.
"Hey, you're lucky I'm being as gentlemanly as I am," he whispers back, breath fanning against her ear. "Those shorts are pretty short and I'm only human."
She sighs, long and low, in place of reaching back and outright slapping him. She's tells herself it's because she's too tired and that she doesn't want to cause a spectacle for all of her other teammates to gossip about, but a little voice in the back of her head tells her that she's enjoying the ridiculous flattery.
They're both silent long enough for her vision to return to her, and as she stares out at the dull, orange light from the campfire bouncing off the walls of their tent, Finnick decides to take the opportunity to speak.
"...You know I would never let anything happen to you. Right?"
The suddenness of the question and the softness in his voice startles her, and though she's somewhat disturbed that he's thinking of things like death and regrets, she can't blame him for it either. She takes her time answering, making sure to keep her voice low enough that only he can hear.
"Um...yeah. Yeah, I know that. Why?"
He pulls her closer to him and rests his head atop hers. "Because if we die tomorrow, or after tomorrow, or however long it takes us to win this thing, I want you to know that I'd do anything and everything to keep you safe."
She rolls over at this, facing him and looking into his eyes in the darkness. "Why would you think that we're going to die?"
"I don't," he admits, looking away and fiddling with a loose thread on his blanket. "I just want to be sure that you trust me with stuff like that...just in case."
She smiles, although it's weak. "You do know that I've trusted you with my life plenty of times before, right? I couldn't have made it out of the Quell without you."
He looks back up at her, but not at her eyes, and she wonders whether or not his night vision is as good as hers is.
"Well yeah...but you kind of had to trust me, you know? This is different. You have a choice. And I just wanna know if that choice is me."
Katniss' breath stills, taken aback by his words. She had always guessed at his insecurities regarding their relationship and Gale and Peeta and whether or not she truly loved him, but she never knew they ran this deep. If she had known that he spent so much of his time mulling over these things in his head, that this was where his mind wandered off to, torturing himself with the probability of the answers she would give, she would have quelled these thoughts much sooner.
"...I trust a lot of people," she says, pacing herself for what she's about to say. "Every day. I trust Prim to take care of our mother, I trust Gale to stay my friend, I trust Coin to lead the rebellion, I trust Annie to help Peeta..." She trails off once she sees the whithering look of disdain and uncertainty in his eyes, and she reaches over to cup his face in her hands. "But when it comes right down to it, when it's life or death, I will always choose you. Always."
The relief that floods his face is immense, and the tension between them dissipates as he lets go of the breath he's been holding. Finnick wraps his arms around her and hugs her tight, and she in turn wraps hers around his head and cradles him beneath her chin. He pulls her closer until they're practically sharing the same cot, and she honestly doesn't know how they're both fitting onto it. But Finnick is warm, and she's none too keen on sleeping on the hard metal bars that frame their cots just so she can be close to a heat source. They'll just have to share.
She snuggles as close as she possibly can to her living furnace, and with nothing else to be said or done, they slowly drift to sleep.
They head out the next morning and continue down the train tunnel, walking for what feels like miles before reaching the end.
Eventually they come out at the Capitol's train station, where Katniss remembers being with Peeta many times during their Games and Victory Tour. The station is completely void of Capitol soldiers, instead being overtaken by a large encampment of rebels. Boggs orders them to stop and take a breather while he speaks with the leader of the camp, and she, Finnick, and Gale all take the opportunity to sit by one of the fires and get lunch.
They talk about menial things, like the chilly weather and what they're going to do when the war's over. Gale tells her that he's probably going to get married and start a family, though he doesn't know how he'll accomplish this or who it will be with. Katniss is silent on the matter, along with Finnick. She gets the feeling that neither of them have thought much about what they're going to do after they kill Snow. After all, they were both so invested in their mission (her especially) that the thought of what came after it had been completed was, for lack of a better term, a blank spot.
She initially supposes that she never really thought she would survive in the first place, which would explain why she never dwelled much on the future. But in reality, she knows that she doesn't want to die. Not now. Not when things are finally starting to get better for her. Not when Finnick loves her and Peeta doesn't hate her guts and Annie respects her and Prim is still alive. Not now.
"What about you, Katniss?" Gale asks, and she snaps out of her reverie.
"Huh?"
"What do you want to do when it's all over?"
She looks at him, intent on answering, but her attention is snagged by something else in the distance; Leeg2 is off on her own, walking along the sidewalk leading away from camp. She doesn't know why she does it at first, but she gets up from her spot next to Finnick and Gale and begins walking, hurrying, jogging towards her. It's then when an image of Plutarch's holograph of the Capitol enters her mind and she remembers; there's a pod there.
She breaks into a run, pushing past soldiers and leaping over ammo boxes as images of the holo and the pods and Leeg1 flash through her mind.
She yells after her - "NO, DON'T!" - but it's too late.
Leeg2's right foot is already in motion, and she has just enough time to turn her head to look at her as the trigger goes off. A spray of metal darts fan out below her, shooting upwards and covering her entire body like a pincushion. One of them hits her brain.
Katniss' footsteps stop along with her breath, and she doesn't even notice as Leeg1 shoves past her to get to her sister. People rush past and someone yells to get a medic, but it's too late. Leeg2 has already passed away.
Finnick comes up behind her just as she's beginning to fall to her knees, wrapping his arms around her waist and holding her upright and whispering comforting things into her ear, but she's so shocked and so shaken that it hardly registers. Leeg1 sits with her dead sister's head in her hands, cradling the lifeless shell as she leans over and kisses her forehead, sobs and tears and wails filling the air.
Katniss begins crying herself, hot tears rolling down her cold face as she lifts a hand to cover her mouth. It feels as though she's watching herself mourning her own sister, mourning Prim, and a newer, stronger wave of sadness and sorrow wash over her as she thinks of just how terrible that would be.
Boggs makes his way to the front of the group and joins Leeg1's side, kneeling down and whispering something into her ear before getting back up and ordering everyone but Squad 451 away. The crowd slowly disperses, and Boggs looks at the members of his team, sadness in his eyes. He slowly walks up to Katniss and Finnick, stopping to look at them.
"...Take care of her." He says, voice gentle. "And meet me after you've taken care of the body. I need to speak with Coin and let her know what happened."
Katniss nods, though she doesn't feel herself do so, and their Commander gives a resigned sigh as he resumes his trek back into camp.
They stand watching Leeg1 cry over her sister – she, Finnick, Mitchell, Jackson, and Homes – not one of them daring to speak on account of there being nothing to say. Nothing in the way of words would bring back Leeg2. Gale comes up beside her, taking the place of where Boggs had been just moments before.
"What should we do with the body?" He whispers, staring out at the sad scene with the rest of them.
Anger bubbles inside Katniss, but sorrow replaces it a moment later. Though it bothers her that Gale would be so insensitive, she can't blame him for wanting to deal with the problem. They would have to hike miles back the way they came to bury her - there was nothing but cold cement and unfeeling concrete wherever they looked here in the Capitol - and putting her in something as crude as a body bag would be devastating for Leeg1. But those were their only two options. They could cremate her, but she doubted if Boggs or anyone else would be willing to send a smoke signal to Snow and risk getting themselves and everyone else in camp killed over the loss of one woman. Granted, there were plenty of campfires around, but they were little and the smoke was controlled. There was only one rational option to go with.
Katniss steels herself, reigning in her tears and sniffling a bit before answering.
"...We wait." She says, noticing Gale's head turn towards her. "We let her grieve. And when she's done, we put the body in a bag to be sent back to 13 where she can have a proper burial."
The silence that surrounds her is that of an unhappy agreement, and no one tries to argue or rebuff her.
They watch in silence as Leeg1's cries fill the air.
Hours later, they find themselves in a large tent with Boggs, all sitting around him in a circle as he delivers the news of he and Coin's talk about Leeg2.
The dead twin had been sealed in a body bag and was on its way to District 13, where it would be greeted by the rebels and Coin and, at some point, the twins' father. Katniss shuddered to think of the horrible discovery he would make.
Leeg1 quietly sniffles in the corner at the edge of the circle, away from everyone else, and Katniss feels a pebble form in her throat at the sight. She has to look away in order to focus on Boggs.
"I spoke with Coin," Boggs says, voice solemn. "She says she'll send a speedy replacement."
He says it like he's disgusted, and she doesn't blame him; how could Coin be so heartless? She'll send a speedy replacement? Leeg2 had a grieving sister left behind and absolutely no condolences sent from the woman who's supposed to be encouraging them to win this rebellion? What the hell was that?
The room is silent with the exception of Leeg1's sobs, and Boggs says nothing more, turning to pat her comfortingly on the shoulder before disappearing outside the tent.
Katniss wants to scream.
Two days later, they get their replacement.
They're all sitting by the fire after testing their sharpshooting skills, listening to a bawling Leeg1, when a figure emerges at the edge of their not-so-social circle.
Katniss does a double-take, unsure of whether or not her mind is playing tricks on her.
Short hair.
Tall.
Muscular build.
Worn eyes.
"...Johanna?" She says, amazed.
Johanna smirks. "Long time no see, Brainless."
A/N: BOOM, I bet ya didn't see THAT comin', am I right? :D I thought it was messed up that Suzanne Collins didn't elaborate on Leeg2's death. It was just like 'on the fourth day Leeg2 died, oh well' and I thought that it could have been a really heart-wrenching scene if she had wanted it to. Whatever, though. That's what fanfiction's for.
I was originally going to have Peeta tag along like he does in the books, but after I wrote the whole 'Peeta/Katniss forgiveness' scene I decided that it just wouldn't have been right. Plus Johanna's awesome, and I would have loved to have seen her tag along in either the film or the book (granted, the movie's not out yet, but still).
Anyway, PLEASE tell me what you think! This chapter is kind of my baby right now and I would LOVE to know whether or not you liked it. A simple 'awesome chapter!' will do if you don't know what to say (assuming you liked it, that is). I'm not sure when I'll be updating again, but it definitely won't be this month. I'll get to it as fast as I can though, you can bet on that ;)
'Til next time!