"Call it a curse from the full moon
Flowing in my bloodstream
I can feel it like a monsoon
Hovering above me"
From Fool by Børns
"What the ruddy hell were you thinking - fuck." Eleanor flung her bag onto the couch before stomping off toward the kitchen. A half-emptied bottle of red wine sat on her counter and she didn't bother to grab a glass before pulling out the stopper and taking a long swig. "Bloody fucking hell." Leaning against the counter, she took another swig and rested her head back on the cabinet. The kitchen flight flickered and she frowned, continuing to sip the wine.
"Most people use a glass -"
Eleanor spun, nearly dropping the entire bottle, as she turned to look at Dorcas, who stood in the doorway like she owned the flat.
"Yes, well. I couldn't find one," Eleanor said with a shrug she hoped look nonchalant.
"Even I know where the wine glasses are." Dorcas began crossing the room as she spoke, opening the second cabinet from the left, which housed an inordinate amount of wine glasses. Eleanor gave a sheepish smile and took another swig from the bottle. Dorcas appeared to buy the act though, as she gestured for the bottle, grabbed it, and then took a long sip herself. "So why are we drinking wine tonight?"
"I don't need an excuse to have a glass of wine."
"Technically you're not having a glass, but alright, fine, let me rephrase. How was your day?"
"Long, exhausting, the usual."
"Interesting you say that, since you didn't come into Mungos today."
Eleanor racked her brain quickly, trying to remember if she was meant to be on shift that day, but everything was blurred together. How many days had passed since Augustus first dragged her to the Lestrange Estate? How many days had she spent at Rabastan's bedside? Taking the wine back from Dorcas, she took another sip and shrugged. "I wasn't supposed to be there. They had me pull a 72 hour shift, so I ended up with a few days off in a row. Why? Did you stop by?" Perking up, she looked at her friend with sudden concern. "Did you get hurt?"
"No, I wasn't hurt." Dorcas paused and lifted an eyebrow. "I was going to drag your sorry ass out to get a drink, but it seemed you beat me to the punch." She gestured at the wine.
"Yes, well, I was going to have a glass and head to bed."
"Were you?" Dorcas half-mumbled, turning toward the cabinet and picking up two glasses. She brought them over to the table and sat down with a thud. "Pour us some glasses, let's chat."
"Why don't we grab another drink tomorrow? I can get you after my shift."
"Tomorrow is so far away, besides, the bottle of wine is already open." Eleanor glanced at the door longingly, thinking about her soft, warm bed and how much she needed a good night's sleep. "Sit down. We need to talk," Dorcas said, her solemn tone enough to convince Eleanor to appease her.
"Alright," she agreed warily. Bottle of wine in hand, Eleanor sat down across the table and poured them both two glasses. Dorcas lifted her's with a slight nod of her head, before downing half. Eleanor nodded in response, but sipped her's slowly.
"So what did you do with your days off?"
"Slept, mainly. Errands. Nothing worth writing home about, why?"
Dorcas didn't immediately respond, instead she leaned back, looked up at the ceiling and took another long sip. Finally she dropped her gaze back down, looking at Eleanor with a slight frown. "I think this might be the first time you've ever lied to me."
Eleanor could only swallow.
"And while I want to be hurt and angry and bloody pissed off at you, all I am is worried. Do you know what you've gotten yourself into? Do you have any clue - any bloody clue - how fucked you are?"
"What are you talking about?" Eleanor managed to say, her voice barely above a whisper.
"Right, it only makes sense you'd play dumb. How about I spell it out for you, hm? When the hell did you become involved with the Death Eaters?"
"Wh-what?" At Dorcas' pursed lips and wild eyes, Eleanor straightened up in her seat. "I'm not a Death Eater, I swear. I'm not."
"Then why the hell were you at the Lestrange Estate, hm? All of them and then you."
"I was there for an entirely different reason. I don't even know who else was there, I never saw anyone except -" Eleanor trailed off.
"Except who?"
"Rabastan. I was there because Rabastan needed a healer. Augustus asked me to come over and help, and I did. Call me a sucker, call me whatever you'd like, but I couldn't say no."
"And why didn't he just get his arse to Mungos?"
"Because he wouldn't have been able to explain how he got hurt," she trailed off and then added with a sigh, "at least not without incriminating himself."
"If you don't think that means you're involved, you're a bloody idiot. What, you think because you're not the one dressed in dark robes terrorizing England you're innocent?"
"Hold up, just wait a second - aren't you the one calling the kettle black. You're friends with them, too. The only way you saw me at the Lestrange Estate is if you were there yourself. Narcissa is one of your best mates, you're constantly at the Malfoy Manor. So don't come over here and yell at me for healing our friend when you're probably going to tea with the Death Eaters tomorrow."
"Don't call Rabastan Lestrange my friend, don't you dare call any of them my friends." Dorcas spoke with a clenched jaw, fist turning white around the wine glass. "I'm saying this to you as your friend, your best friend: you need to stop helping them. I'm the least of your worries. If anyone from the Ministry, from Mungos, figures out where you've been pulling night-shifts, you're going to end up in Azkaban right alongside them."
Eleanor stood suddenly, the chair toppling backward, clattering against the floor. For a second she just looked left, then right, then back again, before finally looking at her so-called friend. "Do you think I don't know? Do you think I just raised my hand one day and waved 'pick me, pick me'? I'm not an idiot and you, of all people, should know that."
"Then what happened?"
"Augustus happened. Rodolphus happened. This war happened. It was either help them willingly or be put under the Imperius curse. And you know what, I wasn't so keen on that, so I made the decision to just help them."
"Who threatened you with the Imperius curse? Was it Rookwood? That bloody arse, I'll wring his neck."
"No, no, it wasn't. Look, do you get it now? Do you see that I'm not really involved with the Death Eaters?"
Dorcas sighed and a painful expression flickered across her face. "Eleanor, you are involved." She then lowered her voice and half-whispered her next comment, "You should have just let them die."
"What did you just say? Did you just tell me to let them die?"
Perking up, Dorcas nodded firmly. "As a matter of fact, I did. Do you know how much faster this war would be over if you just left them to rot in the gutters? I kept wondering how they were miraculously healed after every skirmish, but this-this right here explains it."
"I can't believe you're saying this. These people-they're our friends… were our friends. How can you just not care if they die?"
"Are you blind? Are you so caught up in your own life that you can't see what they're doing? They're destroying our world. Gutting it. Killing off muggles and muggle-born as if they're nothing more than a bug on the wall. But maybe you agree with them? Do you think you're better because you're pureblood?"
"Of course not. I'm just healing people. That's what I've been taught to do, what I always do. I heal people."
"This is about so much more than just healing people. You're so bloody naive, Eleanor. Wake up. One of these days, you're going to have to pick a side. We all will. There isn't any room to just be standing there in the middle saying 'don't pick me.'"
"And you picked the other side," Eleanor said, feeling her heart plummet to the floor.
"Yes, I picked the other one. I joined the Order of the Phoenix about 6 months ago."
"The-the- you're an Order member?" She'd heard whispers of the group, mainly spoken alongside curse words by Rodolphus or Augustus, but she never imagined Dorcas would join. Dorcas was one of them, a Slytherin, a pureblood. "What about Narcissa?"
"I love Narcissa. I think she's a moron for marrying that oaf, but this isn't about her. You can still love your friends and think they're doing something wrong."
"I mean, she can't possibly know. Does anybody know?"
"No and it needs to stay that way." At that, Dorcas glanced toward the window, as if confirming it was still closed. "I feed the Order information. Narcissa… well, she tells me things. And when I'm over for tea, sometimes Lucius forgets I'm there. And there walls are so thin…"
Eleanor couldn't think of a response, not a single thought crossed her mind. Dorcas was spying on their friends. She opened her mouth and then closed it, then opened it again. "You're spying on them."
"Yes, I am." Dorcas didn't expand on that, she simply sat there staring at the wine bottle. The silence lingered and Eleanor let it. There was nothing really to say beyond that single statement. "Now you need to think about which side you really choose" Dorcas finally said while standing.
"Aren't you going to threaten me so I don't say anything?"
"Eleanor, you're healing your ex-boyfriend. You care too much. You feel too much. You aren't going to tattle on me." Dorcas half-laughed, then shook her head. "You need to figure out who your real friends are and then stand up for yourself." With a sigh she reached over and grabbed Eleanor's hand, squeezing gently. "Goodnight." Letting go, she quickly spun and disapparated, leaving Eleanor standing alone in her kitchen.
"Damn," she whispered before grabbing the wine and heading toward her bedroom.
Authors Note: Well, it's been awhile. I am beyond excited to continue this story after a bout of writers block and other life-happenings that kept me it. Thanks to everyone who takes the time to read this today, it means a lot.