Author's Chapter Notes:
At last, another chapter!
I need to thank all of the people responsible for helping to get this thing out!
1. And always Number One, Isabel or icrodriguez, my fabulous beta. She completes me, cheers me on, motivates me, and makes this story oh so much better because she stays up with me to read and re-read all my drafts. You all should kiss her feet for getting my butt into gear.
2. VJGM my Twilighted Beta. She's crazy fast, and her stories are the best. If you haven't read (or listened to on Twilighted's iFic on iTunes) her stories, go do it!
3. The ladies at the thread. Go visit if you aren't already. I totally give out teasers and tell when I'll be updating. ?t=2548
4. All of you because you sent me sweet messages while I was gone. See? I'm nice :) Message me anytime! And you all also were AMAZING with the reviews for the last chapter. I don't deserve you.
5. Also…I've been nominated for a Bellie Award! I've never won an award for a story. So-if you love Snowed In and/or you feel sorry for me-please go vote at .. I would owe you forever and ever and ever!
6. And finally…if you have a twitter…follow peterfacinelli so he can win a bet! It's totally priceless. And follow me while you're over there! Eclipsedawnff
7. ******IMPORTANT: If you read the chapter before it was re-edited, make sure you read the end. For some reason, the document I submitted didn't have the last line, which is fairly important to both the story and you readers :-)
Now, enjoy!
BPOVBOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
Edward and I both tensed immediately. Our shocked gazes locked on each other before moving to the door. We sat in total silence before we heard another, much softer, knock.
Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.
"Who do you think it is?" I breathed.
"I'm not sure. Maybe it's the rescue people?" he wondered.
"They don't usually go door to door personally to tell you they've dug a path, do they?"
"No, I suppose they don't. Then who could it be?"
"No clue," I said worriedly. I mean, last time I thought there was an intruder, it turned out to be Edward. What were the odds that there was some kind of ax murderer just stopping by to say hello and chop our heads off?
However, I couldn't stop myself from frantically searching the frosted windows, trying to see out. I could have sworn I heard voices conversing, but I passed it off as the wind.
Still, I was kind of freaking out. I just had a bad feeling about the situation. I felt like we shouldn't open the door.
My face must have been projecting my inner turmoil because Edward took my hands, lifted me up and was to the fireplace in an instant, dragging me with him. He rustled around for a moment before holding up a fire poker and shovel.
"Here, you take this one," he said, handing me the fire poker with a small chuckle. "I know how much you like to wield sharp weapons."
I smiled ruefully at the reminder of our first meeting.
"Yeah, but I don't actually know how to use them!" I whispered urgently as Edward took my hand and led me toward the front door. "Maybe we should just wait for them to go away."
Yeah, and get back to whatever you were going to tell me because it seemed important! Screw the door! I thought maybe you were going to-
"You'll be fine. It's probably just the rescue people or a lost elk or something," he assured me.
We walked quietly toward the door. Edward gestured for me to stand on the hinged side of the entrance so that he could have the first stab at stopping whoever was at the door should they be dangerous.
Right, because if Edward can't handle them I'm sure I will be able to take care of them, I thought sarcastically.
I was working to contain my terror when Edward reached a soothing hand out to rub my shoulder. His touch had this supernatural effect on me. I was instantly calmed.
"Calm down. You're starting to scare me," he laughed, reaching his hand toward the lock, taking my relief with him.
My ears were straining so hard to hear, every noise the locks made as he unlatched them seemed to be amplified horrifically in the large room. It was like surround sound.
My muscles froze and my hands broke out in a cold sweat.
I wasn't sure why I was so tense. I guessed it was because the sun was going down, and I couldn't see anyone coming to visit a cabin in the middle of the woods and a snowstorm, especially at night.
But it was mostly the fact that whatever or whomever it was might pop the little bubble Edward and I had created for ourselves. I suddenly realized how precarious, how circumstantial our relationship was-if what we had was even a relationship in the first place.
Edward jarred me out of my worries by holding up his index finger to me, a silent warning before reaching down to slowly turn the brass knob.
The exaggerated noises continued as the handle was released from the doorframe. It had only creaked open an inch before the entire door was quickly shoved open by someone outside.
Of course, standing on the other side of the door, I was knocked flat on my back, the wind knocked completely out of me.
"Alright, where is she?" a deep voice demanded authoritatively. I couldn't see anything now that I was hidden behind the open door. I could only hear people struggling on the porch and feel the icy cold blowing through the door.
"Move, you big oaf!" I heard a smaller, tinkling voice join the commotion. It sounded like they were fighting. There were a lot of smacking and pounding noises on the doorframe.
"You move," the deep voice commanded.
"Watch it," a third voice said firmly.
"Hey, hey, hey," Edward said hurriedly. "What's going on? Why doesn't everyone just come inside?"
I couldn't understand anything that was happening. Maybe my fall to the floor had rendered me unconscious, and I was having some coma-induced dream.
Yeah, that makes more sense.
At Edward's request, the people began to stomp their feet against the rug and proceed into the living room.
"Bella!" the tinkling voice called. "Where's Bella?"
"She's," Edward began, closing the door so he could see me, "Oh, shit, Bella. Are you alright?"
His strong arms lifted me back up to a standing position before they moved to cup my face. His thumbs brushed gently across my cheeks as his emerald eyes surveyed my face for signs of damage.
"I'm fine," I said impatiently. He'd lifted me up to face the wall, and with his hands holding me in place, I couldn't turn to see who our visitors were. And besides, he didn't need to treat me like a toddler every time I fell. It happened so often, he should just get used to it.
"Classic Bella, falling flat on her ass," the little voice laughed.
Wait. A. Minute. I know that voice!
"ALICE!" I screamed, tearing myself away from Edward's grasp to launch myself into her arms.
She mumbled something in response, but I didn't hear it because I had her face smashed against my chest. She was so small-barely less than five feet tall-that it was easy to forget that hugs could suffocate her.
"Sorry," I smiled as I let her go. I looked her up and down. She still looked as fabulous as she had when I'd left. I hadn't realized how much I missed her in the few short days I'd been gone.
"Not at all, Miss Swan. It's better treatment than I've been receiving lately," she accused brusquely, jerking her head toward the other visitors.
A tall man stood by her side. He was taller than average, but next to Alice, he always looked gigantic.
"Jasper!" I squealed happily, giving him a hug as well.
"Bella." He hugged me back lightly. "Good to see you."
But it wasn't Jasper Alice had been gesturing to. I turned to see another man standing stiffly near the door, away from everyone else.
"Jacob? What are you doing here?" I wondered aloud. Then realizing how rude I must have sounded, I added, "Not that I mind."
A small huff came from Edward's corner of the room. "What is everybody doing here?" he asked gruffly.
"It's suuuch a long story, Edward," Alice interrupted. "I think we should warm up before we tell it. Oh, and I'm famished."
She grabbed Jasper's hand and began to make her way to the kitchen, leaving the rest of us behind in a stunned silence.
I wasn't sure what to say. I just shrugged my shoulders and gestured for Jacob and Edward to follow me into the kitchen. They were both wearing equally sour expressions for some reason, but they accompanied me nonetheless.
As we walked through the hallway, Edward quickly strode up next to me, leaving no room for Jacob at my other side. The move was almost impolite, and I was about to reprimand him, but I wasn't sure if he'd done it on purpose. His face was carefully neutral, showing no signs of mischief or guilt.
I could hear a faint snort come from Jacob behind us.
Upon entering the kitchen, I saw that Alice was already heating something up in the microwave and fidgeting with the stove.
"Sorry, but I haven't eaten in forever," she laughed as if it were the most natural thing in the world to just randomly show up and begin cooking.
"Alice," Edward began in a warning tone. He moved to stand at my side, so close I could feel his delicious body heat rolling off of him.
"Okay, okay. I guess you want to hear the story instead of visit with your only sister whom you haven't seen in months. Whatever," she sighed dramatically before taking a deep breath. "Okay. So, it all started with Bella."
I pointed to myself in surprise.
"Yes you," she laughed. She cleared her throat dramatically as she positioned herself in a stool by the counter and looked around at everyone's expectant expressions. She smiled a little, obviously enjoying the attention. "I met Bella my freshman year of college, and we were best friends right away. And as her best friend, I wanted the very best for her."
She paused to make sure we were absorbing the information. I looked to see Jasper listening patiently at the table while Jacob was postured against the fridge looking annoyed.
"Well," she continued, "when I noticed Bella staying in night after night without any male company, I felt bad. Especially since I'm lucky enough to have Jazz." She looked over at him lovingly. "Of the few guys Bella ever went out with, none were right for her. She needed my help!"
"And every time I called my dear brother here to say hello and ask about his personal life, he never had a girlfriend-unless you count Tanya, which I totally don't."
On its own volition, my head snapped in Edward's direction. Who the hell is Tanya?! I demanded mentally.
"So," Alice continued, unaware that I desperately wanted to know about this woman in Edward's life, "I came up with a little plan. I thought you guys would make a cute couple, you have such compatible souls and habits. I just knew it would be perfect. So I tried to arrange for the two of you to come to the cabin simultaneously, but you were both being absolutely stubborn. I never thought it would work.
"But then…you both just showed up on your own! I didn't even realize it right away. I was busy getting a new phone," she explained, holding up a new, shiny, and of course pink touch screen phone. "By the time I had replaced my SIM card and figured out how to check my voicemail, you two had already met. Mission accomplished. I figured I would just let the two of you stew until you realized you were meant for each other and what a brilliant matchmaker I am."
She flashed us a satisfied smile before turning back to the food she had been preparing, answering none of the questions in Edward's eyes or mine.
"So why did you just nowdecide to show up?" Edward demanded irritably. It was so strange to see him on edge. I was used to him being relaxed and happy.
"Well…" Alice hesitated and looked between Jasper and Jacob. "I've sort of been here ever since I got your voicemails." She braced herself as if we were going to start throwing things at her. "I was going to show up if things started getting bumpy, like the roof caving in or you two hating each other. Thankfully they didn't until… about an hour ago."
She looked over at Jacob with a hateful expression. He responded by simply rolling his eyes.
"What short stack is trying to say is that I ruined her devious little plot," he stated, speaking for the first time.
"How?" I blurted intelligently, absolutely confused.
"Alice and I were eating lunch at the airport, getting ready to book a flight back to Arizona because everything seemed to be going smoothly-I mean, neither of you called me, desperate for help- when Jacob overheard us talking about you being trapped in the cabin with Edward," Jasper supplied.
"I recognized Alice from our younger years when the Cullens used to spend their vacations at Pitsiark," Jacob clarified. "I asked if she was talking about Bella Swan, about five foot four, brown hair. When she said yes…well I kind of yelled at them and said something about how someone should rescue you.
"I figured that someone should be me. So I jumped in my taxi and followed the snow plow as it cleared a path to Pitsiark and those two followed right behind.."
"But why did you?" I asked curiously. "Come up here, I mean."
"Well, I know I just met you briefly a few days ago, but I really liked you Bella." I heard Edward exhale sharply. "I didn't want you to be trapped up here with Edward Cullen of all people."
"Hold on. What did I ever do to you, Black?" Edward wanted to know.
"Don't give me that, Cullen," Jacob sneered. "Girls at the reservation still talk about when the goregous Cullens would come and stay in the area. They used to get so excited to see you and your brother, but I bet you didn't even notice. You were too good with your fancy cabin and expensive cars to even mind any of the locals. You Cullens always had your noses too high in the air to be able to see us lowly natives. You were too busy enjoying the land stolen from my ancestors."
Whoa. Talk about holding a grudge.
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Edward replied acidly. The picture Jacob painted sure didn't sound like the Cullen family to me. I had never known them to flaunt their wealth or treat people badly. In fact, the Cullens were probably the nicest family I'd ever met.
"The hell you don't," Jacob snarled. "I came up here to save Bella from suffering your company. A nice girl like her doesn't deserve the treatment you dish out."
"Hey!" I rushed to Edward's defense. "The Cullens have always been extremely kind to me.".
"Yeah, Jacob! You're the meanie. You tried to push me down when we were all racing to the front door. We never did anything to you!" Alice cried.
"Well I had to get here before you and your boyfriend," Jacob said without apology. "Bella, are you ready to go?"
"Go where?" I asked in a stunned voice, staring at him like he was crazy.
"Home" he said vehemently. "You don't have to stay here another minute. If you hurry and pack your bags, I'm sure you can just make it on the flight to Arizona."
I remained frozen in shock as Alice stood up and began arguing loudly with Jacob. Jasper rushed to her side. Everything was in such a commotion.
"Hold on!" Edward bellowed to be hard above the noise.
We all turned to him expectantly.
"Now," he said seemingly calm, but I detected a hint of nervousness beneath his veneer, "I think we all need to slow down. Bella, you don't have to go anywhere that you don't want to. You can go home or stay here, whatever you prefer. It's your choice."
His suddenly bright eyes met mine for an intense moment that felt like hours. In that moment, everyone else vanished from the room and the earth stood still. I was completely lost in Edward Cullen's eyes. They seemed to be trying to tell me something and get an answer from me at the same time.
"I…I…I have to use the restroom," I said and rushed out of the room.
Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. What is wrong with me?
Edward had basically just asked me if I wanted to stay with him or leave and I left for the bathroom. My brilliance knew no end these days. I had no idea what had come over me.
It was just- I could feel everyone's eyes on me, waiting for my decision. And I didn't have one. I thought I did, but now I wasn't so sure.
I sat on the toilet seat and pondered my options.
Let's say I stayed with Edward. What were we going to do? Stay in this cabin forever? We both had real lives to get back to. I had a part time job at Newton's and a part time job as a librarian. Neither of these things paid well or was all that stimulating, but I needed both to make ends meet.
And Edward had his own private practice in Washington. He couldn't just leave that. Those things took time to open and run.
Not to mention we both had personal ties to our locations. Edward had Tanya, whoever that was, and probably a lot of friends. I had Alice and Jasper and sometimes my mom and Phil when they weren't on the road.
There was no way it could work.
My heart dropped to my stomach as I realized how true that was. As much as I wanted to just attach myself to Edward forever, it simply wasn't feasible.
And I was sure that he was ready to get back to his life…and Tanya. God, I couldn't get her name out of my head. I just kept visualizing this fantastically beautiful and perfect woman waiting for Edward back in Seattle, someone six feet tall, built like a supermodel, and dressed in designer clothes, someone more suitable for a man like Edward than I.
Edward had said that he wasn't in a relationship, but that didn't mean they weren't seeing each other. How could I compete with that?
Ugh. Everything had been so simple just a few days ago. And now it was a complete mess. I was going to have to leave. I knew that. I couldn't expect our relationship to work out. Edward needed someone more of his caliber, and I needed to get a grip on reality.
I had to work to suppress my tears that threatened to spill. Crying was not going to solve anything right now.
I remained sitting on the toilet lid for a few more minutes, feeling sorry for myself when an unbidden image popped into my head.
Edward and I were sitting up in a huge bed, one I'd never seen before. He was reading the newspaper. I was reading a book. We would feed each other grapes from a bowl every few minutes as we took a break to talk. Edward had his arm around me when he pulled me in for a kiss. Our feet tangled together and we sighed happily.
We were the picture of a normal couple, just enjoying a day off. I wanted it so badly that my entire body ached. I just wanted to be with Edward, if I was honest with myself. I wanted to be able to have mornings like that with him. I wanted for us to stay together.
I put up a mental wall to keep happy images like that from coming up again.
You can't always have what you want. I'd learned that the hard way several times in my life. None of those lessons were as difficult as this one. Just the thought of giving him up forever caused me physical pain.
We couldn't stay together, I reminded myself. Our brief interlude could have been just that, a fling. We hadn't even said, I love you yet. What if we didn't work out in the real world? What if our bond wasn't strong enough to last? Why risk everything for something that could turn out to be nothing? Wouldn't it be stupid to cast aside everything just to be with Edward?
No, not for Edward, a small voice intoned in the back of my head.
I couldn't take the risk. I knew that. If I did, and our relationship failed, I'd never be able to bounce back from it. My heart would be permanently broken. Better to leave like this, by choice, not in too deep, while I still could.
Decision made, I walked back into the kitchen. Three sets of eyes followed me as I quietly walked to the table where Edward was talking to Jasper.
"Edward? Can I talk to you in the living room for a moment?" I whispered, not meeting his eyes.
He tensed; probably knowing all was not well, but said, "Of course. If you'll all excuse us…"
He silently followed me into the living room where we sat down on the couch next to each other. He said nothing, waiting for me to start. It was so hard. I kept wishing he would just say something. But he simply didn't, and I couldn't tell if he was about to because I was unable to meet his eyes. So, I took a large breath.
"Edward."
Okay, good start.
"Bella," he replied tonelessly.
"These past few days," I said softly, "have been the best days of my life, seriously."
"For me as well," he replied. My gaze was fixed on the fireplace, but I could see him staring at me out of the corner of my eye.
"And I wouldn't trade them for anything," I continued. "I want to keep the memories."
It was true. I thought that it would be better to separate now and keep the glorious, perfect memories rather than attempt to continue our relationship and see it crash and burn. This way, it would remain flawless in my mind…that's what I kept telling myself.
"Bella, what are you trying to say?" Edward asked so quietly, I almost didn't hear him.
"I think…I should leave." It was one of the hardest things I'd ever had to say. I decided just to get it over with quickly like a Band-Aid.
"You do." He stated, blankly.
"Yes, I mean, I don't want to, but I think it's best."
"I…see."
His voice was so empty, so devoid of the warmness I'd grown accustomed to, it was freaking me out. This wasn't the same Edward. This Edward seemed to feel nothing whatsoever. How could I have ever convinced myself that he might have possibly felt anything toward me? Looking at him now, I didn't see a find a trace of affection toward me.
Maybe I had simply imagined all of those emotions I thought had been mutual. Another reason to leave.
"I just…. I don't see a reason to stay," I lied, looking to the ground so that he wouldn't be able to see deceit written plainly across my features.
"You don't," he said succinctly, once again as a statement rather than a question.
"Well, not really," I fibbed. I'd never lied so repeatedly in my life. I just wanted to yell, I want to stay because of you! You're the only reason for anything anymore! But I just can't do that to either of us!
Yes, I couldn't bring the heartbreak to myself, and I couldn't hold Edward back. I repeated that in my head over and over to strengthen my resolve since it was deteriorating with Edward sitting so close to me, looking so unnaturally perfect and desirable.
"Ah." That was all he said.
It was like he was purposely making things hard on me by giving me short, ambiguous responses. Anything would have been better than his apparent indifference. I wanted him to beg me to stay or yell at me to leave or laugh at me for thinking he cared whether I left or stayed. Anything else.
Please, Edward, say something to me.
"So you're going to leave," he said in his robotic voice. "You're going to walk out that door and go straight to Arizona."
"Pretty much, I guess."
Please stop me. Tell me not to go.
"And these past few days were just what?" he asked.
I turned to look at him because I couldn't help myself.
"Excuse me?"
"These past few days," Edward repeated, "what were they to you? A fling? A mistake? A fun time?"
My eyes swept his face over and over trying to find some trace of emotion so I could figure out where he was coming from, but I couldn't see anything. His appearance was a carefully blank mask, trying to conceal whatever he was feeling from me.
"I don't understand what you're asking," I told him.
"I just wanted to know what our time together meant to you because I seem to be misinterpreting things lately. I simply want to know how you will look back on them so that I can adjust my memories accordingly."
I wasn't sure what to say. I couldn't tell him that I would always remember our time together, as the few days in my life that I had been carefree and perfectly happy. I wouldn't say that it was the period in my life when everything around me seemed somehow improved. I had enough pride not to reveal that for a few blissful days, I thought I'd finally found my soul mate just to have him taken away from me.
Because none of those things would help me break away from him like I needed to.
"Did they mean anything to you?" Edward asked brashly, saving me from having to reply.
A surge of indignation and anger passed through me. I was absolutely pissed off. Edward could have said anything to me. He could have said that he could do better than me, that I was a waste of his time, that I really should leave already. But when he doubted that our time together was anything but completely precious to me, he had struck a nerve.
"Don't," I growled, staring him straight into his eyes.
"Don't what?" he asked arrogantly, looking away to make himself seem detached from the situation.
"Be an asshole," I said angrily, jumping to my feet. "How dare you insinuate that our time together is meaningless to me? How can you even think that?"
"Isn't it true?" he asked with a tone I couldn't quite place.
"No!" I huffed in frustration. "Why would you even say that?"
"I suppose for the same reason you're about to walk out that door."
"And what reason is that?"
"Hell if I know. Why don't you tell me?" Edward spat back abruptly.
I collapsed back onto the couch, closing my eyes and pinching the bridge of my nose, a habit, I realized belatedly, I picked up from Edward.
"Because it's easier this way," I sighed.
"Than what way?" Edward questioned. I was getting tired of him asking so many questions. Never in my life did I have so few answers.
You pretending to love me just to spare my feelings.
"Than pretending we can make this work," I finally said in a voice that sounded defeated even to me.
"You don't think we can make us work?" Another question.
"How could we, Edward? We live states away. We can't just change our lives completely because of four days."
"Why not?"
"I don't know, Edward, maybe because that's completely impractical?"
And the only thing I want in the world, so much so that it scares me a little.
"You think so?"
No, but it would kill me if that turned out to be true.
"Yes," I said firmly because the other answer would have just made things more complicated, "and stop speaking only in questions. It's getting annoying." When he didn't say anything, I added, "I'm going to have Alice help me pack."
Edward said nothing as I called Alice's name. She came into the room to stand by my side so quickly, I knew she had been listening in nearby. Jacob and Jasper filed into the room shortly after, looking between Edward and me, trying to figure out what was going on.
I took Alice's hand and we began walking to my, or rather her, room when Edward's voice stopped us.
"Are you sure, Bella?"
I turned to see Edward had stood up to stare at me with an unreadable expression in his eyes. I regarded him with raised eyebrows, urging him to elaborate. He looked so nervous and worried. I could even see his hands shaking. He looked around to see everyone staring at him curiously before he took a few breathes and continued.
"B-Because I-I think we could make it work."
From my position next to her, I could see Alice's eyes bug out and her jaw drop.
"Edward, there are too many obstacles in our way for it to possibly work. Why try?"
I turned away from him to hide the enormous tears falling down my cheeks, thinking I had the last word, that this was the end, before his voice stopped me once again.
"Because I'm in love with you!"
Chapter End Notes:
I know, I know, I'm an evil for always writing cliff-hangers.
But if you need an extra dose of me while you're waiting for the next update…I'm the guest author for Ninapolitan's Friday Free For All this Friday!!!! Come on over and read a dirty little one-shot by yours truly! ?sid=4327
Thank you for reading!!! Now review!