A/N Hope you all are enjoying this so far, I've definitely been enjoying writing it. Random thought for you all I'm a music writer, have to have music playing to even be able to pick up my laptop and I found a song I think is a perfect Katniss Peeta song. It's Pink ft Fun, Just give me a reason. Random thought i know but i wanted to share lol, anyway hope you enjoy my little story and this chapter x
Time seems to rush away from us and before we realise what is happening it's the day of the Reaping. Cinna offers to come and help get me ready but I ask him to stay away, I'll have a month to spend with him before we finally enter the arena, I want this time with my family. Prim is up early, earlier than I can usual drag her out of bed, and we sit together at my mother's kitchen table. Peeta is there hovering around us but none of us say anything unable to deal with the reality of what's going to happen.
"Will you fight Katniss," Peeta stops at Prims whispered words but his back us to us so I can't read what his face would tell me.
I turn my eyes to hers, her bright blue eyes much to like Peeta's in this moment. I want to tell her the truth, that I won't be coming home from these games, but the words die on my lips. How can a lump that onto her, instead I nod and she smiles softly not pressing me for words. I turn back to Peeta and I see his shoulders heave in a sigh, but he too doesn't say anything. Breakfast is dreadful.
I'm more than happy to escape with my mother and her quiet offer to do my hair for me. Slipping upstairs to my old room she seats me in front of the vanity and sets to work putting my hair into the intricate weave she did for the first Reaping. It's like a horrible case of de ja vu watching her work and when she's finished I look at the finished article in the mirror.
"Thank you mum," I manage to whisper and she simply nods at me but I can see the tears glistening in her eyes.
Even though I talked Cinna out of coming to help me get dressed he did send me something to wear. The soft golden orange material clings to my body as I slip it on with the help of my mother. She deftly does the little buttons up the back hugging the dress snuggly to my curves. With a small frown I smooth the material over my stomach feeling how tight the material now feels compared to the fittings a few months ago. I think back on all the food I've had at my fingertips and think maybe I just had a little more than I realised. It doesn't spoil the effect though, the material hugs at my torso framing and flattering what curves I have and then the skirt billows around my legs coming to a soft stop just above my knees. My mother convinces me to wear low white kitten heals to go with it and once I slip them on I'm ready to go.
Moving from the bedroom I clutch at my ring tucked under my dress wanting desperately to slip it onto my finger. But we have to keep things to ourselves, even if it is only for a little longer. Peeta has talked about strategy, about when to reveal the marriage, since the Capitol won't get it's pretty white wedding now, this is a chip that could garner us some sympathy and backing during the games. So I clutch at it instead and head downstairs to find Prim alone.
"Peeta wanted to see his family," she says softly and all I can do is nod.
I sit with my mother and Prim for a while talking softly about things I want them to do while I'm gone, we shy completely away from the fact that I very likely won't be coming home. Soon it's time to go and I hold both of their hands as we head towards the square.
As with every Reaping everyone is there, but the area for us is so small, since theirs only three people in the pool to be reaped this year. My eyes lock onto Peeta the second we enter the square and I turn to kiss my mother and Prim on the cheek, we'll have time to say our good byes after the Reaping and right now I need all the strength I can gather. Prim squeezes my hand one last time before I slip past the registration table, why they even bothered to set it up is beyond me, it's not like we could hide from them.
Taking my place I lock eyes with Peeta and we simply stare at each other. He's wearing a pair of black slacks and a white crisp shirt, plan but striking. I itch to hold his hand but I have to stay in my lonely roped off area. Effie appears before the tension in my stomach gets any worse and does her usual speech, which I tune out completely. Instead I look at the faces around us, and see the tension that's churning my stomach reflected in all of their eyes. They didn't like this anymore than we did, they didn't like their Victors people who they had backed going through this again.
It's almost laughable the way Effie has to grasp for my name in the bowl. As she reads my name I simply square my shoulders and climb the steps taking my place at her side. When she calls Haymitch's name Peeta doesn't even wait a heartbeat to volunteer. Even though I knew it was coming my stomach still flips at the sight of him climbing the steps towards me. His fingers are soft and warm as they slip into mine, gripping my fingers tightly he turns to look out at the crowd as we stoically wait through the last of the speeches.
As soon as we enter the building we get whisked out of the back and it quickly becomes apparent that things aren't going as they usually do. There will be no meeting with our family as before; we are moved so quickly that we're on the train before I can even catch my breath. As the door close behind us and the train starts to pull away from the station Peeta wraps his arms around my waist his palms resting against my stomach and pulls me in against his body, the heat of his chest pressing against my back makes me shiver.
"Don't worry love we'll write to them, we may even be able to snag a phone call since we'll be there for a month."
I simply nod not really sure I want that, maybe this way it can be a clean break between me and my family. But I can't think about that, I have to think about what this time in the capitol is going to bring.
"You hungry?" his voice tickles across my neck as he whispers to me and I simply nod my response, "come on then let's head over to the dining cart I'm sure they'll have something there like always."
His hands slip from my body slowly, but then he takes my hand in his and the warmth of his touch spreads through my body.
The train seems to move so much quicker this time even though it takes the exact same amount of time to get to the capitol. Things are even more subdued on this ride, and when we reach the capitol I stand with Peeta at my side to wave through the window. We have to play our roles now, even if Snow has gone back on our deal, we don't want to anger him anymore. So we stand together hand in hand and wave to cameras and crowds. As we walk through the crowd I can see more than one person crying, and not all of them women, as they watch us pass. They are just as unhappy as we are with the situation and I wonder if Snow has seen the descent that he himself is sowing in his people by doing this.
But all of those thoughts are pushed aside as we reach Tribute Tower and climb into the elevator that takes us to our floor. When we enter our floor I'm instantly wrapped in Cinna's arms and I cling to him, feeling a sob hitch in my throat.
"It's alright love, it's going to be alright," I want to believe him I really do but I don't see how it can be.
When I pull back I see Peeta has wrapped Portia into a hug but I can hear her crying softly. We don't say anything as I slip my arm into Cinna's and he leads me into the sitting room. Peeta keeps his arm around Portia's shoulder as we move and I have to fight back the rising sickness in my stomach. It doesn't feel right being here, we were supposed to return as Victors with new Tributes. Yes that would have been a horrible thing to go through, but at least it wouldn't be the love of my life's death I would be facing. I want to scream at the injustice of it, but instead I sit down on the couch quietly, resting my head against Cinna's shoulder as he sits next to me.
Peeta perches on the arm of the couch next to me and everyone begins to talk softly as Effie flicks the television on so that we can see the footage that's being played. She tells us the rundown of hoe events are going to go. The chariot ride will be tomorrow instead of tonight, giving us a full day in the capitol before we have to face snow. Then there is to be a banquet at his own home which all of us have to attend. The next two days will be ours; though we will be expected to be seen in the city mixing with the capitolites. After that will be the first interview with Caesar and it will be different from normal. We will be interviewed in districts allowing Peeta and I to do it together, I think they have done this one purpose just so that we will be paraded together as usual. After that things haven't been set in stone but Effie promises us that she'll let us know the second that it does. The whole thing is too much for my mind to handle, so instead I excuse myself and head to bed.
Peeta looks at me as I leave and I shake my head letting him know that I don't need him to come with me. I know for a fact that he wants to strategies with Haymitch, that he won't sleep like me all he'll do is worry. So I strip my clothes off when I hit our bedroom, the room that had been Peeta's alone last time, and slip under the sheets wrapping myself around one of the pillows. Exhaustion takes me under into a fitful sleep full of nightmares and terrors I was only just starting to understand.
At some point I feel Peeta slip into the room and join me on the bed, though I only half wake as he joins me. His skin is cool against my heated one as he pulls me against him and I shiver for a moment before he smooths his hands over my hair sending me back under again. This time when sleep takes me under it plunges me straight into a familiar nightmare. I'm back in the tube and I can hear Peeta screaming my name beyond the glass but this time I can see him. He's knelt on the ground not far from me, one hand on the floor holding himself up, but the other is wrapped protectively around a bundle of blankets. My heart beat skips at the sight of that and I bang my palms against the glass trying hard to get to him. From nowhere a peacekeeper appears and hits him in the side of the head with the butt of his gun. Screaming out my voice simply reverberates back at me as I watch him fall to his side still protecting the bundle in his arms.
Right then the dream shifts slightly and suddenly Snow is stood next to Peeta's prone form. He sneers at me where I'm trapped in my glass cage and bends to pull the little bundle from Peeta's grasp. Unconscious Peeta puts up no resistance as Snow snatches up the little thing and I watch in horror as he approaches me and shows me what he has stolen. The tiny baby has bright blue eyes just like Peeta's but his hair is a shock of deep brown, definitely my hair. He's terrified I can tell by his bright eyes, and then he begins to whimper. Snow sneers at the child who now starts to cry in earnest and I know that if he doesn't calm down Snow is going to hurt him.
"Did you really think I'd let you have this Katniss, how naive you are, how young," with that he holds the baby out at arm's reach.
He's so close I can see his fear, his little body wriggling in the grasp of the horrid man. I scream at Snow begging him not to hurt my son, but it's too late. He holds him up like an offering and the with a smile lets him go, I watch in horror as the blanket loosens and the baby falls his scream of terror reverberating in my mind.
Thankfully my mind tosses me from the nightmare before I have to watch my baby hit the cold concrete floor. Gasping for breath I stumble from the bed and just about make it to the bathroom before I spill my stomach.
"Katniss what," Peeta calls as I drag him from his own sleep but I can't reply to busy retching up everything I have ever eaten.
I hear as he stumbles from the bed and joins me in the bathroom, and soon his cool hands rest against my heated skin, holding my while the retching shakes my whole body. Finally the sickness abates but leaves me a shaking mess on the floor. Peeta dampens a wash cloth and lays it against my head and I simply lye on the floor feeling the coolness of the tile floor seep into my skin. I can hear him whispering soothing words to me, but I don't take it in. instead my mind is reeling with terrifying nightmares. I think back to the first nightmare I had involving a child, that it was nearly three months ago, and I realise quickly that there was more to it then I had realised then. Was my body trying to tell me something that I just couldn't process?
As I think my hand smooths down my body until its resting between my hip bones, on the small bump there that I had put down to over eating. How could I possibly be so stupid, the sickness the weight gain how had I not put two and two together. But then I think about the tea, about the cup that was even now sitting cold on my dresser. I was religious with the tea and hadn't I had periods the whole time. But then my periods had never really ever been regular thanks to poor diet but I had been having them, even if they had only lasted a day or two at the most. Damn how could I have been this stupid?
A sob slips from my lips and Peeta crawls down onto the floor next to me, "what is it love, please talk to me," his soft words simply make me sob harder.
I can't find the words to tell him, how could I have possibly been this stupid. This is going to break Peeta, and I don't want to be the one to shatter him. A thought flashes through my mind, maybe I don't have to tell him, maybe he won't have to live with the knowledge like I will, but then I look at his worried blue eyes and know that I can't keep it from him.
"Peeta I think I might be pregnant," my voice sounds raw to my ears and his eyes widen in shock as he processes the words.
"But wait no, we… we were so," his voice dies and I watch as he collapses back from me slumping against the wall.
All I can do is lye there on the cold tile, my hand pressing against my stomach as I feel the hardness under my fingertips. I want to say something comforting to him but I can't find the words in me.
I'm not surprised when Peeta climbs to his feet, glances at me with blank eyes once and then leaves. Of course he wants to leave, how could I do this to him, how could I put this on him. So I lay there and press my fingertips against my stomach testing the difference in my body, already convinced of the reality of what I have discovered. I lie there on the floor for what seems an eternity before the door to the bathroom opens again and Peeta is there. He looks at me for a moment before he frowns and bends to scoop me into his arms. I bury my face into his shoulder unsure of this change; I expected anger and hatred, but not this tenderness.
He carries me to the bed and places me softly against the pillows, pulling the blanket back so that he can then pull it over my bare legs. It's only as he moves aside that I realise we aren't alone in the room, that Portia is watching us with sad eyes. When Peeta sits down next to me she moves forwards smiling softly before she drops to kneel at the side of my bed.
"Peeta told me what you think is happening, do you mind if I," she gestures softly with her hand and I nod turning to my head to look at the wall.
I feel her cool fingers as they lift back the blankets slightly, and then as she pushes back my top. I listen for any indication, a gasp of surprise or anything that would give me some indication of what she sees but she doesn't say anything. Instead her delicate fingers probe softly against my abdomen, so lightly I'm sure she can't feel anything but then her fingers are gone and I turn in time to see her rise to her feet.
"Peeta can I have a word," she says her voice strained and I know then that she has felt exactly what I felt, the tiny bump between my hip bones that can be none other than the beginning of a new life.
They whisper together for a moment and I turn my head away from them unwilling to deal with the reality that it starting to take shape around me. When I feel the bed dip as Peeta climbs in to join me I keep my face turned away from his even as his hand snakes out slowly to caress over my stomach. I want to say something to him knowing the pain that he has to be in right now, but instead I bury my face against my pillow and let exhaustion pull me back under.
A/N sooooo what do you think? My little hints have been leading here and I know a few of you guessed where it was headed but I hope I kept it is she isnt she right up till the last. Still hasnt been technically confirmed but that's coming up. Let me know what you all think x