*Author Note* Sorry for the long wait you've all had to endure. I've been having a lot of trouble with my laptop recently, it deleted this chapter two times before I got fed up and forced myself to stop before I just didn't want to finish this story. It took a bit but I have finally gotten this chapter done. I sincerely hope you all like this chapter. Please forgive any errors I've missed and enjoy. You guys help me more than you know, so thank each and everyone of you. I love you all and I hope that you keep reading my little story :) I've been writing for the second book, and I hope that I will be able to upload later today or the following day. Feel free to message me or leave a comment, you guys are the best. Happy birthday to me :) and I pray that my life will be settling down some and for me to find happiness :) -xoxo007twihunger.
Chapter Twenty-Five: Star-crossed Victors Return Home
When I come to I feel terrible. My head aches with pain and my stomach feels nauseous. Blinking my tired eyes, I force them open and am blinded by the bright harsh florescent lights. In an instant, my heart starts to hammer in my chest. Looking around I take notice of some Capitol doctors gathered all around me messing with some medical devices, which has my eyes widening in fear. Where is Gale?
Hearing a faint muffled pounding and something that almost sounds like screaming, I turn my head to the right and am met with the sight of a wild looking Gale Hawthorne, slamming his hands against the windowed wall. His palms are smeared with blood from his effort, his eyes are wide and filled with fury and unadulterated fear that he does nothing to hide. His mouth opens and closes after each power filled scream that almost looks like my name.
Seeing this sends me into my on panic. "Gale!" I screech out, flopping onto my side then swiftly pushing myself off the medical gurney. No sooner I do this I even quicker get to my feet, wobbling trying to rush towards Gale. But instead of making it to him, I am met with strong arms restraining me from all around. My hair flies carelessly around me and sticks to my sweat ridden face. My wild eyes meet with Gale's only to see that he is even more viciously slamming his hands against the glass the only thing lacing his eyes now is pure fear, and this alone has me feeling hopeless. What is going to happen to us? What is going to happen to me?
His erratic attempts at trying to get to me makes me start to fall in line with him. I starts to try to tear free from the hands that keep me captive. Thrashing violently, I flail about screaming for the mane trying desperately to get to me. To help me from whatever these sick people are going to do to me. I can't stop the tears from streaming down my cheeks.
"Gale! Gale!" My hoarse voice shrieks, terror trembling my body then the next thing I know I feel a sharp prick to the back of my neck and almost instantly my vision starts to blur and my whole body starts to feel like its made of lead.
"Ga-Gale…" I sluggishly get out as I feel my body going limp. The last thing I see is Gale's distressed face behind the glass separating us, looking terrified.
When I wake up for the second time, I'm afraid to move. Afraid of what has happened since I have been asleep, and even for a few seconds I fear that maybe they've killed me. I'm enclosed in a sterile white room, no windows and no doors; just the light glow of yellow light filling the room and a bed that I am strapped down too. Looking around with frantic eyes I see a few IV's stabbed into my pale flesh at the bend of my elbow and into the veins on the top of my hand. I want to tear them free from my body, not knowing what they are pumping into me. Violently, I starts trying to get free, thrashing wildly in the bed I'm being restrained in. Looking for any slack in the straps tied tightly around my wrists and ankles, but with no avail. I'm yanking so hard against the straps I feel them start to cut into my flesh, but this doesn't deter me in the least. I start trying to arch my back, to maybe break the straps that restrain me but I find I can't. Glancing down I see that there is another restraint strap across my abdomen making more panic swell up inside me. I feel tears well up in my eyes as I open my mouth and start screaming wildly with abandon. I rise my head and let my eyes fly around the room trying to find something to understand what is going on. But nothing but starch whiteness encases all around me making me shriek louder, and wilder. Not caring in the lease how crazy I might seem.
I let my head fall back against the bed, or rather the gurney I a strapped to, which causes some pain to fill the back of my head as well as make my screaming die out.
I can't help but wonder if Gale is going through the same thing as me. Is he okay? Is he still alive? Will I be able to ever see him again, or are we going to get punished for my display of rebellion in the games? I feel more tears spill out of my eyes, blurring my vision effortlessly. I know I can't keep sane if they have killed Gale. The mere thought of him dead brings an overwhelming ache of pain to my chest that knots my stomach with both fear and devastation. Without a second thought I once again rise my head up then send it slamming back against the gurney I'm on. I can't live without him to steady me. The pain that surges through my head hurts immensely bad, causing me to squeeze my eyes shut then once again lift my head then again slam it back down. I see a burst of colors flash behind my eyelids as my head fills with more pain as I continue on with myself assault. However, I'm only capable to do this a few more times before I hear the sound of a whoosh, on doubt the hidden door opening for someone to enter my prison of a room. Though, I pay them no mind and instead hurry and try to do as much damage to myself that I can before they can get to me. I know it's a pipe wish but I can't help but to wish to be dead with Gale, if he is gone then so should I. I only manage to get two more slams of my head before my arm is pricked by a sharp needle and I'm injected with something.
My eyes fly open and I'm staring into the cold eyes of a Capitol doctor who looks on at me with annoyance. And that's the last thing I see before I'm pulled under to a forced sleepy fog.
Opening my eyes I feel sickly refreshed. The feel of a soft bead underneath me causes a shaky, yet raspy sigh to leave my lips. With unseeing eyes I stare at the ceiling letting the light burn into my retinas as I feel tears build up in my eyes, I want to pretend that they're from the light, but I know its from the loss of hope. The loss of Gale, and more importantly for the life I will be forced to live like Finnick… Like Johanna and the ret of them. Finally letting my eyes blink, the tears trail out of my eyes and down the side of my face and absorb into my hair and the mattress underneath me. I want to be home, to be back in time before any of this has happened. To get to spend more time with my mother, to get to tell how I always felt about him-about how I will always feel about him. But most importantly I wish I could have died in that arena. If I had then Gale would be alive. There is no doubt in my mind that he is gone, if he wasn't he would be in this room with me, right? I wouldn't be restrained to this bed like some wild prisoner.
The whooshing sound once again filled the silent air around me, causing me to flinch away from the sound and for fear to well up in my chest as my heart starts to race. Looking towards the sound I am met with a curious sight. A tall and slender red headed girl, that I know is an Avox, there is no doubt about it. From her mute and submissive demeanor to the red suit she wears. I can't help but watch her with a slightly parted mouth, not understanding what is happening. But what I do know is that I'm being watched.
She walks over to the side of the bed then sets the tray she is carrying down gently on the side table and situates my pillows so I am raised up slightly. As she does this I can't help but whisper out, "is Gale still alive?" I feel like I'm battling against myself, that he is and that he isn't, but I need to know for sure. I need to have concrete information. As the girl pulls back from me her vibrant green eyes meet mine and he gives a very subtle nod of her head that causes relief to flood inside of me and for new tears to spring to my eyes. However, this time they're from being so happy.
I watch wordlessly as the Avox gently releases, first my wrists then my ankle from the restraints then she delicately places the tray she brought into the room onto my lap before leaving the room. I swallow thickly, then lick my lips as I look down at the tray, taking in its contents with hunger starting to build up. A tall glass of water with a straw in it sits next to clear bowl of what looks chicken broth, and a small serving of apple sauce. I can't help but stare at the food with confusion, is this really all I get?
With a small ounce of guilt starting to build up inside of me I release a low sigh and be grateful for what I'm given and very slowly start to eat. And to my surprise what food I am given I find it a bit hard to finish it all. I guess my stomach has gotten smaller than I had initially thought. When I am finished eating I take the tray off my lap and place it onto the side of the bed next to me. Then with a hammering heart and over wracked nerves I slowly slide to my feet off the bed, my eyes flying all around the room not positive if I'm supposed to stay on the bed but wanting more than anything to get up and find a way out of here. With a shaky breath I extend my legs down and slide the rest of the way off the bed, letting my bare feet come in contact with the chilly tiled floor. Swallowing thickly, feeling a terrifying weight on my shoulders I look around the room, no one is rushing in to stop me yet. I guess this is fine.
Tensely, I stretch out my body some. I look down feeling the slick cold feel of silk on my body, and to my disgust I see I am dressed in a white silk nightgown that barely reaches my knees. But I guess its better than nothing. Looking back around the room I try to search the walls for the door. If I can find the door then I can get out of here and start my search for Gale. I take a step forward on my wobbly legs then pause and quickly retrieve the spoon from the bowl of broth, I know it won't do much to really injure someone but at least its something and it helps me feel slightly better.
Then in less then a minute I'm up against the wall where the Avox girl came through from, my fingers tracing over the wall looking for the door even if I can't see it. I startle when the door in front of me opens with a hissing whoosh.
Swallowing down my fear I shakily and uncertainly step into a hallway, my heart beating a mile a minute. The hallway is long and looks deserted. Looking down the hallway I don't see any doors. I'm not very certain of where to go from here, so with a steadying intake of air, I begin to call out for the man I am looking for, not sure if I'll find him or some Capitol scum instead.
"Gale!" I say, my voice barely coming out louder than a normal speaking voice. Letting out another shaky breath I tighten my hand on the spoon as my other hand curls into a tight fist.
"Gale!" I yell out, my wide eyes looking down one side of the hallway then down the other side then back again. "Gale!" After another cry out for him, I hear my name being called out in return, which causes me to fall quite. It's not his voice that I hear but one that is still familiar to me. It is less shrill sounding than normal but unmistakably it belongs to Effie Trinket. Walking towards her voice down right side of the hallway I come to a corner I hadn't seen then turn it and see them all waiting in a big chamber at the hallway-Effie, Cinna, and Haymitch.
I take off without hesitation into a run and slam into Haymitch's body, grasping at him tightly, in fear he might disappear. I know as a victor I should show more restraint but I can't help it, even if I know we're most likely being taped and monitored. An overflow of tears come to my eyes as he squeezes me back just as tightly.
"Good job sweetheart, I knew you had it in you pearl." Haymitch whisper into my hair causing a watery laugh to bubble out of me, knowing he must have been the only one because I sure didn't believe I could.
Pulling back from him, my wet eyes meet his tired gray eyes, feeling shaky with delight of seeing my godfather, of seeing these few people who believed in me and had my back. Looking over to my side I give Effie a watery smile then awkwardly wipe my eyes dry with the sleeve of my shirt before move and pull her into a hug, that she returns. Giving my hair an affectionate pat as she talks with teary eyes about how she told everyone we were diamond's in the rough, just needed a little shine is all. Before I'm released then I'm pulled into a hug by Cinna who silently hugs me tightly.
Stepping back from them I notice that Portia is absent and get a tinge of bad feeling starting to brew inside me. With a hesitant breath I steal my nerves.
"Where's Portia? Is-is she with Gale? Is he alive? Is he alright?" I blurt out.
"He's fine. They want to do your reunion live on air at the ceremony," Haymitch says.
The awful feeling of dread and fear I had leaves me now that I know for sure Gale is alive, "oh, that's all?" I say in a hushed voice "I guess I would want to see something like that myself."
"Go with Cinna. He has to get you all ready." Haymitch puts forth. Wordlessly, I give Him a nod before following after Cinna out of the room.
Being alone with Cinna is a relief, feeling his protective arm around my shoulders as he guides me away from the cameras. He leads me down a few different hallways that all look the same, then through a couple of passages, and onto an elevator that leads to the lobby of the Training Center. We pass by a handful of guards standing on duty.
Out footsteps echo in the empty hall, then we ride up to the twelfth floor. As we ride up in the elevator, my mind is assaulted with the images of all the tributes who will not be going home, of the friends I lost. The ones I killed. There's a tight pain in my chest as my emotions start to bubble up, pulling me underneath into despair. Cinna's heavy, yet gentle hand on my shoulder causes me to jump. Looking up at him, he gives me a kind smile and gestures for me to exit the elevator. I was so absorbed in my own sorrow I hadn't even realized the elevator even stopped, let alone that the elevator doors opened in front of us.
Following Cinna out of the elevator, I take notice of the three faces in front of me, Venia, Flavius, and Octavia. Who engulf me the second I step out of the elevator; taking about things I can't quite understand from how quickly and ecstatically they speak. Though, their sentiment is clear to me. They are truly thrilled with delight to see me back and alive, and honestly I'm happy to see them as well. Although, its not like how I was to see Cinna. Its more like the way you'd get glad about seeing an affectionate animal after a tiring day.
They lead me into the dining room, and in there I get an actual meal, though my portions are being controlled. My plate has roast beef, corn, a roll, and a small side of chopped up strawberries, paired with a tall glass of water, but this time nix the straw. I have a fleeting thought to ask for seconds but I'm not sure my stomach could take it as well as I might spew it back up on the stage.
The I'm lead into my room where Cinna leaves me for a while with my prep team to get ready. "Oh, they did a full body polish on you, not a flaw in sight." Flavius says enviously. But as I look at my naked body in the full length mirror all I can see is how skinny I have gotten while in the games, for the first time in my life I can clearly see each one of my ribs pressing firmly against my skin, which has my stomach turning in disgust. I'm sure I probably even look worse when I first came out of the games, how many days ago that might have been I'm not quite sure of. They bath and scrub at me until I'm deemed clean enough, then they paint my nails, do my hair, and makeup. I'm very thankful for how talkative they all are, since it leaves me not having to talk, which I really appreciate. They talk about a whole lot of mindless things that I find myself tuning them out as I stare with unseeing eyes, thinking about what my life will be like once we get back home. Will everyone be watching me and waiting for me to crack? Will they all fear me? Will they still say nasty things about me behind my back?
Before I know it, Cinna is walking back into the room. I take a look around and notice we're alone in the room. It's funny how I get absorbed in my own mind that I just basically shut down and stop noticing things happening around me. Looking back at Cinna I let a small smile slip onto my lips as I take notice of the white dress hanging from the hanger in his hand, "what, no more girl on fire?" I ask jokingly as I raise an eyebrow.
With a friendly smile Cinna walks over to me then drapes the dress over my head, letting it fall over my body. As the dress settles over my body, I frown feeling the padding in the breast portion of the dress, giving me some of the curves I lost in the games. I'm surprised that they didn't try to modify me while I was knocked out. With deft subconscious movements, my hands move up to my chest and I can't help but letting my frown deepen.
"I know, but the Gamemakers wanted to alter you surgically. Haymitch had a large fight with them about that. This was the compromise." Cinna explains, helping me step into a pair of plain white flats.
"You can look now," he says with a pleased expression painted onto his face.
With a deep breath I turn around to look at myself in the mirror, which causes the ends of my white dress to flame with a gentle warm pleasant glow, that flickers up the dress. I look something like an illuminated angel of sorts, which has my mouth dropping open slight in surprise. Not expecting to be dressed in the fashion.
"What do you think?" Cinna asks.
"I think it's the best yet," I reply. When I'm able to drag my eyes off the dress, I look at my loose curled hair that is only held back from my face by a simple satin ribbon, making me look almost like a child again in all its naive innocence. I look like I did at fourteen. All pink cheeked and shy. The makeup fills out the sharp angles of my face. And a clear gloss pained on my nails. The dress is sleeveless, and gathered at my ribs instead of at my waist, taking away any shape the padding to my bust would give. The hem of the dress falls just past my knees. And without any heels I stand at my slightly short stature. I look very simple, like a little girl. I look innocent and harmless. Just looking at myself I understand this is a very calculated look. Nothing Cinna designs is arbitrary, but I'm not sure what his motive for this look is.
"I thought I would be more sophisticated looking…" I confide quietly, letting myself trail off.
"I thought Gale and you would like this better," he answers carefully.
No way is this for Gale and myself. There is no doubt in my mind about that. It has to be about the Capitol, the Gamemakers, the audience, and Snow. However, I can't for certain think of why this is. We take the elevator to the place where we trained. Its customary for the victor and his ore her support team to rise from beneath the stage; first the prep team, followed by the escort, the stylist, the mentor, and finally the victor. Only this year, with the result of two victors, I know the whole thing has to be rethought. Cinna leads me over to a faintly lit area, where I stand on a metal plate the with deft fingers he pins my aunts pin to the collar of my dress. But my mind is blank not knowing what is coming next for me-for us.
I stare at my shoes feeling my stomach knot as my nerves rise up in me. All around me the air is filled with the loud rumbling of the crown from above. I'm wrapped up in my own nerves I don't notice Haymitch until he lays a hand onto my shoulder. Instantly I spring back away from him. My eyes widen to the size of saucers. My mind still locked away in the arena.
"Easy Pearl, its just me. Lets have a look at you." Haymitch says.
With a roll of my eyes, a smile comes to my lips as the feeling of nostalgia embraced me, then holding my arms out and with an overly exasperated twirl around I shoe him my dress making a smile come to his face. Yup, just like old times.
"I guess good enough," Haymitch says with a hint of humor in his voice, reminding me of home, of how he always tried to make me feel comfortable and not think too much on certain things.
Smiling I let him see me roll my eyes at him, which causes him to smile broadly at me. His eyes shine clear with no alcohol tint to them, just pure happiness. I know he missed me as much as I missed him. Having known Haymitch my whole life I can see the worry etched in his slightly tense demeanor. Swallowing I force the words out, "but what?"
I watch as his eyes look around the musky holding area before his eyes meet mine again. "But nothing sweetheart. How about a hug, huh Pearl?" Haymitch questions, his eyes give me a meaningful swift look before avoiding my eyes all together. I can tell that while he hasn't said anything (if he even will say anything) but I see the determination in his gray eyes that I know very well.
Giving him a sweet smile I nod then place my arms around him and squeeze tightly, making sure we're close enough that no one will hear if we whisper. I feel Haymitch squeeze me tightly to him, is lips buried in my hair, no doubt hidden away from any cameras view. "Listen up Pearl, you're trouble. The Capitol is furious about you showing them up in the arena, showing so much rebellion. One thing they can't stand is to be laughed at and be the joke of Panem." Haymitch says, in a fast and quiet voice making my heart sink. I feel dread full me to the brim but force out a smile and musically sounding laugh, as if he has said something funny. "What then?" I reply, not being able to say anything further since my lips aren't covered.
"Your only defense can be that you were so madly in love you weren't responsible for your hasty actions." Haymitch says as he pulls back from me, giving me a searching look then he adjusts my hair ribbon and gives me a genuine smile that strikes my heart. I want to tell him I'm happy to see him as well but I know I can't with them watching us.
"Got it Pearl?"
"Got it… Did you tell Gale this?" I inquire, feeling my cheeks heat as I talk about the man I love to my god father.
Haymitch smiles at me, his eyes turning slightly hard before his smile fades away. "Yeah, didn't have to. He already knows." He replies giving my shoulders a squeeze before letting go and taking a step back.
"And you think I don't?" I demand, feeling a strange sense bubbling up in my stomach. Anger, sorrow, fear; I'm not entirely sure.
"Since when did you care about what I think Madge?" Haymitch pulls causing me to go silent as my guilt gnawed at my stomach.
"I always listen to what you have to say, even if I don't necessarily follow those words." I state, fixing his crimson bow tie. Wishing more than anything we were siting in his large victor house in victor village instead of being watched thoroughly by the President.
"This is your night Pearl, you have this. Do what you need and enjoy it." He says before kissing my forehead then giving me a meaningful look before pulling back from me, with that he starts to walk off until he disappears into the darkness beyond the light that surrounds my metal plate.
Subconsciously, I tug at the skirt of my dress feeling nerves start to boil over, as well as willing it to be a bit longer. In a second I realize my whole body is shaking like a leaf in the wind, blowing about aimlessly. I try to take in a steadying breath, but the moldy smell under the stage threatens to choke me. I know I will never live a day when I don't flashback to the Hunger Games I was in. Of the people I lost, the ones I grew to love. I will forever be a broken girl searching to be whole again, in vain. Haymitch's words confuse me slightly, leaving a foul taste in my mouth as well as in my stomach, turning it in disgust but not leaving me any explanation of why that it is. I feel wrecked with nerves, not knowing what to say or do while being forced to watch the recap of the games. But knowing if I mess up it will be at Gale and my expense.
In a matter of seconds I hear the anthem bloom loudly around us. I listen intently and hear the voice of Caesar Flickerman, his excitable boyish voice rings out. I listen as he greets the audience then he asks the audience if they're ready for the star-crossed lovers and for the show to start, which is met with loud roaring applause and shouts if agreement. When the audience simmers down, he tells them that they'll have to wait until they've introduced everyone else first, which is met with some boos and laughter. I somehow am able to drown out loud roaring applause and focus my eyes on my dress, letting them roam over the gorgeous gown, finally understanding what this look means. I'll need to look naïve and girlish, to try and take the attention away from me playing by my own rules in the game. I swallow thickly, thinking about what President Snow would do if this look doesn't pull it off for the Capitol.
"I'm almost home," I breath out lowly into the mildew air lingering around me from where I am kept underneath the stage. I just have to make through a couple more hours then I'll be on my way to District Twelve. We'll be going home, Gale and I. And we'll be together.
The metal plate I'm standing on starts to rise up, and I feel my heart all about stop. Wishing I wasn't as hectic feeling, being riddled with so much fear I feel my hands begin to shake. Taking in a deep breath I slowly release it.
"You got this Madge, its just like it was back home. Smile and wave like a good girl." I whisper to myself, trying in vain to relax myself. But at least I'm able to stop the shaking of my hands and plaster on a bright smile just as the blinding lights from above shine down on me.
Immediately, my eyes find Gale's and before I can comprehend what I'm doing, I am running towards him and he is running at me just as fast. We clash into each other roughly, but we remain standing as we grasp at each other. Its like we're both afraid that we'll get separated once again. Pulling back from him a real smile comes to my fast as my eyes tear up. He's okay. Standing in front of me is a healthy looking Gale, who looks just as happy to see me as I feel seeing him. Then in a swift move on pure wild impulse, I quickly rise onto the tips of my toes and plant my lips to his in a passionate kiss. Trying to wordlessly tell him how happy I am to see him, to explain all that he means to me. That I would go through all that again as long as I knew he would be safe and sound. He means more to me than I ever expected I could possibly care about someone. There is no denying it, I am hopelessly, completely, and irrevocably in love with Gale Hawthorne, for the good and the bad he own my heart.
The crowd goes crazy with cheers and excitement, finally breaking through our happy little bubble. I blush red with embarrassment as I pull back from Gale sheepishly. He gives me his famous smirk, but as I look into his eyes I can tell it doesn't reach them. His gray eyes look confused before they look indecipherable, locked away with a stoic gaze I know all too well. 'He must be nervous and embarrassed of the whole of Panem watching us share that steamy of a kiss.' I think, my cheeks heating even more from embarrassment. Truth be told I don't know what came over me but I seem to always be like that around Gale. He makes me forget the act I'm supposed to put on. He makes me want to be Madge, the real one that not that many people know, or even care to get to know. But he wants to.
I see Caesar laugh heartily then his mouth is moving and I'm too distracted to be able to understand, and with a quick glance at Gale shows he is as well. With a swift shove from Haymitch, we make our way over to the loveseat set across from Caesar's pale blue chair. I stumble slightly and am righted swiftly by Gale as he pulls me close, gently slamming me into his sturdy chest.
Gale sit down on the loveseat, pulling me down with him and causing me to knock awkwardly against his side. Our shoulders hitting then we're both letting our soft chuckles and the crowd grows alive with 'awes'. Looking over to Gale, I see his eyes are casted off to the left of the stage where Haymitch sits in between Effie and Cinna. I watch as Haymitch hardens his gaze at Gale then gives a barely noticeable shake of hi head. But before his eyes can turn to meet mine, I drop my gaze to where Gale holds my hand. His thumb lovingly caresses the top of my hand then he is drawing his hand away and jerking me closer to his side causing me to practically rest in his lap. I blush deeply and try to hide my face into Gale's chest, which makes the audience go berserk over this. I feel Gale's nose burry into my hair, and feel him take in a deep calming breath before pressing a swift kiss to my head. Bringing my head out from his chest I take notice that my feet are on the loveseat as well, so quickly I toe off my shoes and pull my feet underneath me. My strict upbringing still permanently engrained in me.
Laying my head on Gale's shoulder, I feel his hand grasp my waist tightly, telling me slightly we're in this together. I give Caesar a shy smile as I wait impatiently for him to start the damn footage. My eyes cut to Gale's white shirt, which is made of the material as my dress and I want to laugh about the fact that we're matching once again. But instead of I just smile mutely. Loving the feeling of his warm body around mine, protecting me just like back in the cave in the arena. We make a good team.
Caesar makes a few jokes then we're on with the show. I'm dreading the three hours viewing, that forces us to watch the games, or rather the highlights of us in the game. As the light dim and the seal appears I realize I'm in no way prepared for this. I honestly don't know how I'm going to deal with seeing Rue and River, and the other people who I knew and even some of them that I grew close with. I don't want to watch the twenty-two other tributes dies too early in life, not getting to experience some prominent milestones in life. I barely made it through it, I don't know if I'll be able to make it through watching it all unfold. Of seeing me do all those foul things.
I feel my heart start to pound rapidly in my chest, and the overwhelming instinct in me to get up and run. How have the past victors been able to get up and do this alone? I know that during the highlights that they periodically show the victors reactions. How am I supposed to handle that? I can't be like Cashmere or Gloss and laugh and pump up my enthusiasm of my triumphant kills. I understand these people were just that, people. They all had lives, hopes, and fears that got teared away from them with a sinister swipe from Snow's sick twisted pleasure, as well as the Capitol. I won't be able to shrug it off strongly like Johanna. I won't be able to be like Finnick and charm my way out of most of the discussions; and I most certainly won't be able to use my jittered mind like Annie and skip past the whole thing.
Gale gives my hip a reassuring squeezes as his mouth moves towards my spin. "It's going to be okay, Madge." He whispers into my ear before giving my neck a lingering kiss then he pulls back, his eyes going to the screen, and I follow his lead. I know he is the only thing keeping me seated on this loveseat. His hand gently and lovingly strokes at my side as I grasp with both hands to his other hand that lays in my lap.
Whoever is in charge of putting together the reel of film has chosen from a large amount of footage. They get to choose hat story they go with. This year it is a love story. However, this year they are looking to destroy me for what I've done. I've undermined them and made them look like a joke to all of Panem. I know that for a long time now that President Snow has wanted to match me up with someone of his choosing. I flinch with disgust just thinking about how he use to call me beautiful and that I would be a prize of a wife. He is a despicable human being, that I wish would just shrivel up and die.
Right from the beginning of the footage it is spent on Gale and in the footage the first half hour focuses on the reaping, the chariot ride through the Capitol, our training scores, and our interviews. There is some ghastly upbeat soundtrack to the footage that makes my skin crawl in disgust. Its cruel that they're playing it when almost everyone on-screen is dead.
When we're in the arena there is detailed coverage of the blood bath. First of when I kill those two kids. They show the surprised expressions of all the tributes. Mine looks like I'm barely containing vomiting, then it linger on a close up of Gale's taken back expression, that makes my stomach turn in guilt and disgust. Wishing more than anything that I didn't have to take anyone's life but knowing its was inevitable for Gale and I to be able to go home. The filmmakers alternate from showing people getting killed to shots of Gale and I.
Watching the footage it feels like watching other people. Its entirely different than having to endure the whole thing. I watch as I lie and join the careers, as Cato and Clove make a deal that if I'm lying they'll kill me together. Of how Marvel tried to look out for me, and how River watched from where he was hidden in the trees a look of uncertainty switching to be replaced to one of determination. Of Gale looking sorrowfully out at the moon then whispering, "Be okay, Madge." Then he ties himself onto a tree branch, before falling asleep. I watch with a numb sense covering me as I drug the careers then I finish off that poor girl from District Nine. Of the lingering looks Cato frequently sent me that I had no idea of. Of the alliance River and I made.
It is something of its own getting to watch what the audience has seen. It's like watching someone else, someone strong and determined. Not the weak little privilege girl everyone knows I am. I watch as I cut down the tracker jacker nest, as Gale solely trekked around the arena with a sorrowful look plastered to his angelic face.
I all but let my jaw drop open as Gale mumbles my name in his sleep, making my heart flutter with love and bliss. I watch with baited breath as I run away from the fireballs and try to outrun the careers; of how I met Rue and eventually met back up with her and River, as well as of Thresh and Gale's run-in. I watch with tear filled eyes as I watch friend after friend die. River and Rue's being the hardest. I feel my chest tighten and my body wants to start shaking from my pilling up tears, but refuse and push myself to be strong for my late friends. I notice they don't show me covering Rue in flowers but they do show me singing to my little bird with teary eyes, which causes my heart to ache with deep sorrow that constricts my throat. She was too young for this kind of death, too young and too innocent. None of these kids deserved this, not even Cato and Clove.
I feel like around River's death I just shut down, though my unseeing eyes stare unblinkingly at the screen. It's like watching complete strangers in this years games, but I know its us. Though I do notice that things do pick up once they announce two tributes from the same District can live; of how I carelessly shot out Gale's name. You can see the deep love I feel for Gale, even if I tried to hide it. I'm almost positive I couldn't even if I wanted to. I see us meeting up then me making a bolt for it, being too overly emotional to comprehend what is going on.
They make a show of Gale and I kissing, followed by me tricking Gale then heading out to the feast, where I almost die against Clove before getting mercifully spared by Thresh. Then Gale and I are running from the mutts, and I make a terrible decision of trying to be a decent person and help Cato, which ends with him attacking us while our attention is elsewhere. I watch with a turning stomach as Cato viciously attacks Gale before getting knocked off by me. Though, we both go falling to the ground. I can feel my hands start to shake as I hold my breath, knowing what is about to follow. Gale tightens his hand on mine and once again starts stroking his thumb on the top of my hand. But instead of Cato trying to force himself on me it skips to us fighting. Of how I miraculously get the upper hand and assault Cato with everything I have then stumbling on my feet trying to get back on top of the Cornucopia, while shrieking Gale's name. They give a close up of my teary eyes. And just as it looks like I'm going to be left with Cato, Gale's hand finally grasps mine.
Sucking in a shaky breath I lean more into Gale and stare up at the corner of the screen, wanting to jut be at home where I can hide underneath my covers and attempt to fix what this game has broken in me. But the sound of me gasping for air loudly causes my eyes to flicker to the screen, where I lay on the ground fighting to regain my breathing then pass out, only after having glanced at where Gale viciously punches Cato. Sending one fist after the other to his face, a wild look over takes his face. His gray eyes are hard and filled with unadulterated rage and its all targeted at Cato. After a while Cato stops moving then, shakily Gale falls sideways off of him at the sound of a cannon booming. However, he doesn't pay much attention to the motionless boy but instead he rushes over to where I lie, bleeding from a decent size head wound.
"Madge," his panic strained voice says hoarsely, as he gathers me in his arms pulling me close to him. "We've won Undersee... Come on-you can't do this to me!" I watch in surprise as tears swim in his beautiful eyes and he starts to shake. His blood covered hands hesitantly moves to my neck and checks for a pulse, and after he finds it he releases a raged breath. His eyes fly around wildly looking for something.
"She needs help! Please help her!" His tormented voice bellows, his arms tightening around me.
Relief floods through me as the sound of the winning trumpets and Claudius Templesmith's voice rings out, congratulating us and naming us the newest victors. Which is followed swiftly by us being rendered motionless as we're lifted up into a hovercraft. The screen cuts to black for a few moments and for a brief few seconds I think that it is over, but then it shows both of us banging at the glass wall separating us as the doctors try and subdue me to treat my injuries. As I pass out from an injection and am taken to a gurney, Gale looses it even more then the footage freezes on Gale's concern etched face before turning black once more, but this time it stays like that.
The anthem plays yet again and I force my tears away, giving Gale's hand a tight squeeze, just needing to know he's here with me. And the second I feel his hand squeeze mine back in response I let out a breath of air I hadn't known I was holding. And as the lights come back on we stand as President Snow make his way towards us, his snake like eyes boring into me intently as a sinister smile graces his puffy lips, which has my skin crawling as well as my stomach feeling ill. I never liked his attention focused on me. It always meant something bad for whoever that unlucky person was, and staring at him now I know that unlucky soul is me.
A little girl trails just a few feet behind Snow, carrying a pillow with a single crown on top of it. The crowd must see the single crown as well because in an instant the crowd is murmuring in confusion amongst themselves. No doubt wanting to know which one of us will receive the crown. However, with a swift twist of it, the crown splits into two separate crowns. He places the first crown on top of Gale's head with a small smile and an uninterested 'congratulations.'
He is still smiling when he gets to me, though it seems to have broaden and grew even more sinister. His snake eyes boar into my eyes unforgivingly. He diligently sets the second crown on top of my head, though he lingers in front of me. His beady eyes going from one to the other of mine, before they fall down to the collar of my dress where I know my aunts pin is pinned to my dress. I feel my throat tighten up.
"What a lovely pin," he says.
"It was my aunts."
"Oh, yes. Maysilee Donner, am I correct?" He says, a glint flashes in my eyes making me stand straighter, but force a tight smile and nod. "A pretty little girl, if I remember correctly. Though, no where as beautiful as you are, my dear Margaret."
Snow runs a hand down the side of my face then tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. I have to force myself not to jerk away from Snow; wanting more than anything to slap his clammy hand away from my face.
"I expect great things to come for you Miss. Undersee's," he says giving me another rise of his lips before deftly taking the white rose out of his jacket pocket then places it in my hair, between the ribbon in my hair. "Ah, now that suits you greatly."
"Thank you, Mr. Snow." I force out, my cheeks hurting from the beaming smile I give him, praying more than anything that he still believes me to be some naïve girl. But looking into his eyes I can see that he places me as the instigator and I know he's right.
After awhile of waving and beaming at the crowd I can't wait to head back to the Training Center, though dreading the rest of the interview tomorrow. With a wide smile, Caesar bids the audience goodnight, reminding everyone to tune in tomorrow night for the rest of the show, which is the interview portion. I want to roll my eyes, 'as if we could decide not to watch.' I think, biting the inside of my cheek to stop myself from scoffing. I guess Gale is rubbing off on me more than I had realized. But I guess that would happen with us spending so much time together. Then Gale and I are whisked away to the President's mansion for the victory banquet, where we barely have any time to eat anything.
I feel like a caged animal as the generous sponsors elbow one another out of the way as they try to get their picture taken with us. Face after creepy face, they beam at us, becoming more and more intoxicated as the evening wears on. Occasionally I catch a glimpse of Haymitch, feeling reassured at the small sights of my godfather. But I also catch a few glimpses of President Snow, which is terrifying, but I make sure to keep laughing and smiling as if nothing is wrong. Thanking everyone for their generous donations to help us get along in the game. Though, the one thing I never do is let go of Gale's hand, which is like a life line for me.
The sun is jut peaking into the sky, over the horizon when we stagger exhaustedly back to the Training Center. Perhaps now I'll actually get to have a conversation with Gale in private. However, Haymitch has other plans when he sends him off with Portia to get fitted for another suit for the interview for tomorrow, then personally escorts me back to my door.
"Why can't I talk to him?" I ask, trying to fight off a yawn.
"There will be plenty of time to talk when we get back home," he says. Not once while he talks to me meeting my eyes. But, I'm too tired to investigate why. "Go to bed, you're on the air tomorrow at two. Remember we're not out of this just yet, Pearl. You know how this whole thing works."
With a defeated sigh, I nod mutely then head into my room. After undressing and scrubbing the makeup off my face, I jump into the shower. Then afterwards I dress into a knee length seafoam green silk nightgown before deciding I need to talk to Gale. But, as I try to turn the doorknob I realize it is in fact locked. Of course they'd lock me away until it was convenient for them. I feel like a prisoner, and I know for the most part I am.
As I lay in the lush comfort of the plush bed as my mind wanders to the intent nervous gaze to Haymitch's eyes. If I didn't know him I probably wouldn't have notice but having been around him all of my life I know that he is hiding something. That he is scared of something happening to me. I let my eyes roam over the white ceiling, my mind slowing to a sluggish thought of how I can't wait to get home and start my new life with Gale before I drift off to sleep.
My dreams are filled with so much blood, and just as much pain. I wake up with a start, tears streaming down my cheeks as a hoarse scream claws up my throat. With wide tear blurred eyes, I frantically look around the room I'm in. I'm on high alert, my hammering with panic and fear in my chest. It takes me a few moments to grasp that I am safe in the Training Center and away from the arena. And, when I do my shoulder sag with relief as new tears fall from my eyes, telling of my broken soul and fragile mind. My sobs shake my body leaving me feeling even more empty and alone than I had been feeling.
For the next few hours, I sit against the headboard of the bed, staring at the door wishing more than anything that morning would hurry up and get here. The sooner the sun comes, so would the interview and the sooner we'd be going home. And then finally, Effie's piercing voice states, "big, big, big day!" I feel a smile breakout on my lips, knowing I will be able to get out of this room now.
In no time at all I rush to my feet then sprint out of the room and into the dining room. I frown slightly seeing I'm the first one in the room. With a sigh of disappointment I sit down in my favorite seat then help myself to a bowl of strawberry porridge and a glass of water. Not before too long everyone starts filing in and begins eating as well. I don't listen as Flavius and Octavia gush about how glamourous we looked last night and how everyone they know is jealous that they know us. When I'm halfway finished with my food, Cinna comes in and practically drags me out of the room and into the bedroom I have been staying in while in the Training Center. He wastes no time before having me strip down then dress into a white gauzy dress, with a pale pink silk ribbon threaded through my hair that is braided into a crown on top of my head, the ribbon matches my pink flats. Then he adds on some light makeup. We make small idle chitchat, though I'm afraid to ask him for any information, in fear of what trouble he might get into. I know I'm being watched intently, to make sure I don't make anymore mistakes. I can't bare to think what they would do to my father, the one person I have left of my family.
Before I know it, we're being whisked away for the interview with Caesar. The interview takes place right down the hall in the sitting room. A space has been cleared and a loveseat has been added, and it is surrounded by white, pink, and red roses. There is only a handful of cameras to record and thankfully no audience.
Caesar gives me a big warm hug when I see him, with a beaming smile on his face. "Congratulations, Madge! How are you fairing?"
"Fine, thank you very much. I'm quite excited about the interview and to be back in the Capitol." I state, a large smile plastered on my face making me feel like I'm back at one of my fathers parties.
"As well as you should. We're going to have a fabulous time." He says, giving my cheek a reassuring pat as we all sit down in our seats. I watch silently as Caesar goes over a few notecards. I feel Gael lean into me, his hot breath fanning against my bare neck, making me shiver unintentionally. I can't help but bite my lip to stop myself from smiling like a fool at him.
"I hardly get to see you Undersee, I feel like Haymitch is trying to keep us apart or something." Gale whispers into my ear.
I want to tell him that Haymitch is actually hell bent on keep us alive, but there are too many people listening for me to be able to convey this to him. So instead I force a charming smile, "I guess he's gotten very responsible lately." I reply with humor tinges in my voice.
I watch as a small smile blooms onto his face, which is almost always so serious and scowling.
"Well that's something I would never had thought would be possible to happen, Haymitch actually doing his job?" Gale laughs lowly for only me to hear. "There's just this then we can go home. Then he can't watch over us all the time."
I can't help but smile at him. I also can't wait to go home and start our new life together, to be able to fix the cracks that the games left me with. Gale smiles at me and for some reason it feels slightly different than any of the others he has given me, but then again maybe its just because we're out of the Hunger Games now. Reaching out to me Gale's long slender fingers brush a strand behind my ear and lets the tips of his fingers linger touching my cheek then with an embarrassed blush he pulls his hand back to his lap and turns to look at Caesar.
No sooner he does this than someone starts counting down from ten, then we're broadcasting to the whole of Panem. Caesar is wonderful as usual, joking and teasing, and even getting choked up at the right moments. He and I already have our established friendliness from our first interview, that easy banter that I'm use to having with the strange Capitol guests that come stay at our home back in District Twelve. I notice but don't draw attention to the fact that Gale just smiles shyly and watches Caesar and I converse back and forth. I know these type of people must make him nervous so I try to make him have to answer as little as possible by redirecting the conversation to Caesar and myself. Its strange for me to see Gale behaving so shyly but I guess everyone has more than one side to themselves, even the debonairly handsome Gale Hawthorne.
Eventually though, Caesar begins to turn the questions more towards the games and away from the fine livelihood I know we're both use to living, well me to a certain extent. Feeling my nerves start to stir and wind up I cautiously scoot closer to Gale, using him as a type of human anchor, and all the while keeping my smile shining brightly.
"So Madge, we know you have been caring a torch for Gale for years, but when exactly did that begin?" Caesar asks excitedly, a smile beaming brightly on his lips.
"Since I was ten… He was twelve-he came to my rescues after some mean boys were hassling me. He's always been brave, sticking up for the smaller guys… Maybe that's what drew me in." I shyly get out, my cheeks burning hot with a blush.
"And his handsome looks just added to the appeal!" Caesar jokes, giving me a friendly wink that makes the audience laugh at my reddening face. I can only nod as I bite at my bottom lip.
"But Gale, what a thrilling ride this was for you. I think the real excitement for the audience came from watching you fall for her. When did you realize you were in love with her?" Caesar asks.
"Oh, well… That's a hard on…" Gale says hesitantly, giving an awkward chuckle as he looks over at me then his eyes for a brief second dart out behind the camera before turning them back to mine then finally letting them come to rest on Caesar's.
"Well, I know when I realized it. It was when you were saying her name in your sleep." Caesar puts forth, a welcoming smile pointed at Gale, trying to pull some information from him.
"Yeah I guess that was when it was… But I've always notice her, I mean how could you not? She's beautiful, kind, and smart. I guess I always just tried to not think about how I felt about her since it never seemed possible. However, things changed in those games." Gale states not looking away from Caesar's gaze.
"Why do you think that was?" Caesar urges.
"I don't know… Maybe, because for the first time… For the first time I thought maybe even for a short amount of time I could have her-that at least I could spend a little bit of time in here with her and sender her home to our families. Then the rule change was made and I knew I couldn't stop now that I had a small bit of time with her. It meant I could keep her." He says, an air of shyness circling him.
After giving his answer I could almost swear I see Gale look off behind the camera, but with a blink of my eyes I see that Gale is still looking at Caesar so maybe it was just a slight mistake of my eyes, or rather the lighting playing tricks. Caesar has to pull out a handkerchief because he's so moved, taking a few moments to pull himself together. I can feel Gale press his lips to my right temple his lips lingering on my skin with a kiss, making my stomach knot with happiness.
"So now that you've got me what are you going to do with me, Madge?" Gale asks all in good fun, but the far away look in his gray eyes tells me he's not all here at the moment. However, I can't blame him since he's in no way use to dealing with these types of people like I am.
"I guess I'll just have to lock you up somewhere to keep you safe." I meekly get out. A fond smile stretches across my lips as I stare into Gale's hypnotic gray eyes, knowing that I will try as hard as I can to keep him safe from whatever I've accidently started while in the games. Feeling tears start to build up in my eyes from my happiness I quickly place my lips against Gale's, as soon as our lips touch the people in the room actually sigh and I have to force myself not to scowl from annoyance. I could almost be mistaken for someone from the seam like Gale or Katniss.
Caesar, takes this as a perfect place to turn our conversation towards all the ways we've gotten hurt while in the arena, from burns, to stings, to dislocated shoulders, and wounds. The whole while I plaster a smile on my face, not being able to stop the far away look I get in my eyes as I stare unseeingly at Caesar. It's not until I hear Caesar start talking about the mutts that I realize what I am starting to do, and after a few seconds I give myself a slight shake of my head ridding myself of the airiness that is starting to set around me. Maybe this is what Annie feels like.
Hearing Caesar talking about Gale getting attacked by Cato causes me to burst out in tears knowing he only got attacked in suck a violent way because me, even though I know he's okay now. I think its because I feel guilty for putting Cato anywhere near him, of letting him be able to do that to him. Not being able to help myself, I burry my face into Gale's chest, letting myself take refuge for even just a short amount of time. Taking advantage of the fact that no one can see me I let myself be rendered into a shaking, crying mess; hating that I caused Gale any type of pain.
It takes a few minutes before they can talk me away from Gale's chest but when they do we continue the interview. Caesar leaves me alone for a while before after a while turning to me with a gentle smile as he begins to question me about charging into Cato and saving Gale.
"Madge, I know you've had quite a bit of shock lately, but I've got to ask. The moment when you surged into Cato, knocking the two of you off the Cornucopia. What was going through your mind?" He says.
I take a long pause, looking from Caesar then to Gale then back again. Taking in a calming sigh, I force a shy smile. "I don't know… I just couldn't let Cato hurt him. I can't bear the thought of anyone hurting him… And as much as I wanted to never be without him, I would rather die than anything happening to him. So I decided that if I needed to be sacrificed for the man I love with all of my heart, than so be it… I guess I wasn't really thinking, just listening to my heart telling me to save Gale, so I did."
"Gale, is there anything you would like to add?" Caesar asks.
"No. I think what she says goes for the both of us, I can't live without you Madge." Gale says, a warm gentle smile gracing his lips.
Caesar signs off, and in seconds we're engulfed in hugs and cheers of excitement congratulations. But, I can't really focus on all of this. Instead I stare transfixed as Gale wanders cautiously over to Haymitch, I watch as they share a few words, which causes both of them to nod and release relief looking sighs that make an unknowing weight hang over my shoulders filling me with uncertainty. When had they become close?
Without being able to question Haymitch, I go back to my room to collect my things. Though, the only thing I have is my pin and my reaping dress that I change back into. Looking at myself in the mirror, I can't help but think of how changed and yet unchanged I look. I look the same in looks, but I do seem slimmer as well as that my eyes have this distant look to them now. However, all together I'm pretty much the same girl I was before I left, well to a certain point. My hair is left down in loose curls with a white silk ribbon keeping my hair out of my face.
After a short while, Gale and I are driven in a car to the awaiting train. We barely have any time to say goodbye to Cinna and Portia, although we'll see them in a few months, when we tour the districts for a round of victory ceremonies. It's the Capitol's way of reminding everyone that the Hunger Games never really go too far away. We'll be given a lot of useless plaques, and everyone will pretend they love us, even though we're murderers.
The train begins to move, and we're plunged into the darkness of night. Coming out of the tunnel does nothing for the lighting, it is still dark as can be. While Gale and I are aboard the train, we aren't the only ones. Effie and Haymitch are both aboard the train as well. We all eat an enormous dinner that is engulfed in complete silence besides the occasional clinks of forks on plates and glasses hitting the surface of the table top. On the far corner of the room, the TV plays a replay of the interview. With the Capitol growing farther away every passing second, I begin to think of home. Of the life Gale and I will forge for ourselves. I excuse myself to change out of my dress and into a comfortable top and matching set of bottoms before making a reappearance in the dining cart, where I walk into Gale and Haymitch talking in hushed tones that die the instance I reenter the car.
Though this ruffles my feathers slightly, I can't help but think about how I won't be the sad and alone Madge Undersee's as I use to be. I will be of use to someone. I will be wanted and loved for just me, not for the money I have or the blood I share with someone. I will just be me, Madge. And I couldn't be more happier than I am this instance. I let my eyes flit over to Gale, taking in his handsome features that are stoic as ever. I stare at him, trying painfully to remember who I am. The girl who was left alone, who was scorn by everyone without them trying to get to know her.
Just as I'm lowering myself into a chair, we're pulling into a station to fuel up. I watch subconsciously as Haymitch get up and takes a large bottle of liquor with him before leaving the car. Gale looks over at me silently, his familiar scowl present and heart warming as ever. At least some things won't change.
Want to go for a short walk while we fuel up?" I find myself asking Gale. He stares at me for a few second before he gives an grunt, that leaves me unsure of its meaning. With a short pause, I get to my feet and give Gale a bright smile before leading us off the train. I feel like my arm is concrete on Gale's arm from the way he scowls, almost alien but I know from being in the games with him that he cherishes me as much as he cherishes me. Walking along the tracks I observe the beautiful wild flower that make my heat feet content.
Letting go of Gale's arm I aimlessly pluck up every wild flower in my reach, gathering them into a small bouquet that I can give to Gale's young sister Posey. I'm sure she will be delighted with. I'm not sure of what to say in the vast silence that envelops us. I can't help but smiling brightly at thinking about the cute display his sister will present us with but my smile soon drops at the sneer etched onto Gale's face. But before I can question of his sudden sower turn of emotions, Haymitch appears. With a swift look between the two of us his gray eyes come to rest on mine.
"We're to be off now." He states, a forced small smile on his lips that leave me feeling uneasy. Without a word, Gale and I follow Haymitch back onto the train.
No sooner does the train start back up does Haymitch pat my back, "Good job, you two. Just keep it up until we get back to the district and away from all these cameras."
I can't help but look after Haymitch as he leaves us alone in the dining car mumbling to himself. Looking over at Gale, I scowl in confusion. "I wonder what's up with him." I say absentmindedly. Staring at the door my god father disappeared through.
I don't expect an answer from Gale, but that doesn't stop him from answering me, "come on. You know what he's talking about. He's been couching us from the start, before we got into those games. Of the scene we were to put on to get out of there. You knew Madge. You had to know, he said it was your idea. You knew right? That everything between us was fabricated for the stupid Capitol people so we could come out of this alive." Gale states in a detached monotone.
I feel my eyes well up with tears as my heart constrict painfully in my chest threatening to break what's left of me. I stare with blurry eyes at Gale as he glares at me and I feel utterly devastated. All of this was some ploy to get back to district twelve for him? I was just some stupid townie all alone to him. Just some ignorant girl who was too gullible for his attention, and Haymitch knew that. I feel my lip start to quiver as my pain starts to engulf me threatening to unravel me completely but I can't let that happen. I can't let him of all people see me like this.
"You knew, right Madge?"
Forcing a pained smile I beam brightly at my fellow tribute and let out an airy laugh, much like the ones I've heard from Annie in the past. "Of course I knew. I was the one who came up with it in the first place. I just got caught up in the act that's all." I force out. Every single word feeling like a barbed wire being tightened around my fragile heart, tearing it more into tiny pieces until there is nothing.
Gale looks at me with furrowed brows as my stomach twists and turns in knots. Wishing more than anything that I could just crawl into a hole in the ground and die, anything would be better than this. I can't even begin to think about what my life will be like now. I will be all alone, no doubt while Gale lives happily ever after with Katniss. I will slowly ebb into insanity while they flourish into some happy family.
A watery laugh bellow out of me, constricting my hear even further. Letting me know I am still nothing in this life to Gale. Just some privilege girl he could careless about. I will always be from town and him from the seam, nothing will ever change when it comes to him and it hurts finally realizing it.
The closer we get to district twelve the more pained I feel, finally realizing how alone I will be once we get home. I know my father won't want anything further to do with me once I get home, not with me looking too similar to my late mother and aunt. I know he will distance himself from me, while Katniss has already done so. The only person I'm sure I still have is poor innocent Peeta.
Before I try to utter another word to make Gale feel better I feel my bottom lip start to quiver with my bearly contained sorrow. Forcing a smile I move past him and head towards the cars door, only stopping in front of it, "you're a really great guy, Katniss is a lucky girl. I hope for the best for you two." I manage to say, a pained smile stretched upon my lips before I disappear through the door and head for my room while aboard the train. My heart feels heavy with pain and ignorance. How was I so blind to all of this? Why would Gale go along with this? And more importantly, why had Haymitch done this to me?"
Once in my room I wait till the door is closed before letting myself fall like a bag of rocks to the ground as pain filled sobs wrack my small frame. I feel like I might die. That I can't trust anyone, and that like always I am alone. But no matter my pain, we will be pulling into the station of district twelve, bringing with us a large portion of food for everyone as well as Gale back to his family… Back, to Katniss.
I feel numb and empty as I stare absently from the ground of the train car out the window watching as the trees come into view like a green blur. With a jolt I cringe away from the door to my room as Haymitch enters. A look of caution as well as concern plaster onto his face, making me want to break down all together.
"I just wanted you to come home, safe and sound." He starts before trailing off as he sees my quivering lip as my body starts to tremble with my building up sobs.
I shake my head slowly, still not being able to take this all in. "I should have know… Why would Gale ever like me? He could never love someone like me. I was just too stupid to understand that. Blinded by what could be instead of thinking thoroughly through this like I normally would. I just… I just thought that for one that I could be something. That I could be worth someone like Gale, but I was wrong. Gods was I wrong." I mumble out in a monotone. The sadness inside of me working its way into a cold numbness that I knew I will carry for the rest of my life, for how ever long that may be.
"Pearl… That boy is nothing compared to you. This was all my doing, don't beat yourself up please. I just…" Haymitch starts before I hold up a hand, giving him a stern blank stare.
"I don't care. I just want to be left alone… So please leave me alone." I say without a second thought, my heart beating distantly in my chest.
With a look of pain etched in his eyes I watch unfazed as Haymitch leave my room, leaving me alone like I'm use to. I stay seated on the ground watching unseeingly as the green scenery passed by, wishing more than anything that this was a dream but knowing full well that that isn't possible.
I don't know how long I sit on the ground staring unseeingly at the window but the next moment, Effie is knocking sharply at my door, "Madge, darling we're just about pulling up to district twelve. You should get ready." She says chirpily before I hear her heels clicking off down the hall, leaving me alone once again.
Without really paying any attention to what I'm doing, I get to my feet then strip and pull on my reaping dress. Making sure to fasten my late aunts pin to the front of it while making sure I keep my tears at bay. I just have to stay strong until I get to my room, once I get to my room I'll be able to cry. To let all my heartbreak out and slowly pick up the pieces of my broken self up until I can somewhat piece myself back together again.
With a stolen breath of comfort I plaster on my famous smile and make my way out of my room and towards where Effie, Haymitch, and Gale all stand near the door of the train. I feel everyone's eyes on me but I can't find it inside myself to care let alone to look at them, so instead I stare unseeingly outside, silently preparing myself for the overjoyed welcome I know we will get once we pull into the station of district twelve.
As the train comes to a slow I notice out of the corner of my eye as Gale comes up to stand next to me, giving me a strange look. Without looking at him I spread my smile wider then extend my hand towards him, ignoring the ache that pains my heart.
"One more time? For the audience?" I say. My voice impassive and detached, not offering anything up. Without a word, Gale takes my hand as the train comes to a stop, the doors opening to show us off to the happy crowd of district twelve. Holding onto his hand tightly I make sure my face shows all that the Capitol and viewers want to see. Dreading the moment I will have to let go, even if he doesn't have any feelings for me.
The End Book One.