Chapter 25

OK. Sorry I haven't updated in awhile, but I really had to do some thinking about what I wanted to do about this last episode that aired. The latest plot was just too good to ignore and, well, Dean at least already in therapy! So I'm taking some writing liberties and working the latest episode into my story, but making some modifications so it fits. Don't worry! I'm keeping the main concept, but just having Dean learn the truth a different way. I also am using some of the quotes from the episode, because, well, they're just that freaking good! : ) Hope you enjoy!

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Dean staggered into his room, exhausted. The day's events had drained every last bit of energy he had and all he wanted to do was sleep. He wasn't sure if he was going to be able to or even if his sleep was going to be restful, but he didn't care. He didn't want to think about therapy or Sam or anything else. He just wanted to sleep.

He stripped down to his t-shirt and underwear and fell into the bed. He was asleep almost before his head hit the pillow…

***

He was lying on the floor, too weak to move. Alistair stood over him, an evil smile on his lips.

"Dean Winchester... my star pupil! I have missed you, boy. You don't know the fun you've been missing since you've been gone..."

"Shut up," Dean spat back weakly.

Alistair laughed.

"Come on, Dean! Is that the best you've got? I think you've gone a little... soft... since you left us."

"Just go away. You're not real! I know this isn't real!"

Alistair gave him a look of mocked surprise.

"Not real? Why, Dean, I am hurt! You know I'm always with you. You know how real Hell is. You know you're never going to be free of me. Not after what you've done."

Dean covered his ears and shook his head. "Go away!"

Alistair crouched down next to him and pulled his hands away from his head. Dean didn't have the strength to fight him.

"Look at you, Dean! The great Dean Winchester! Wonder what Daddy would say if he saw you now?"

Dean felt the tears sting his eyes.

"This isn't real!"

Alistair smiled and stood back up.

"Your daddy put up one hell of a fight!" He began circling Dean slowly, like a vulture waiting to feed on its prey. "100 years, Dean! I sliced your daddy every day for 100 years... and do you know what happened?"

Dean refused to acknowledge, refused to look up.

"Nothing! That son of a bitch never... caved... in!" He kicked Dean in the ribs to demonstrate his annoyance, causing Dean to gasp in pain. "100 years! 100... fucking... years!"

Alistair stopped in front of Dean and smiled.

"But then... you came to play. Oooh, Dean. What a day that was! At first I was sure you were going to be just like your daddy. All stoic and unyielding to the agony I could inflict on you day after day after day."

At this he crouched back down in front of Dean and grabbed his face with one hand, forcing his head to look up at him.

"But you surprised me, Dean! It only took 30 years to break you. And I broke you. Made you cry like a little bitch. And then a whole new world opened up for everyone! You got the ball rolling on a brand new world! Not much of a hero, huh, Dean? Not like your daddy!"

Dean felt his heart thunder in his chest as he stared into Alistair's cold, dark eyes. A sick feeling began to turn his stomach.

"What are you talking about?"

"Remember that nice little deal I offered you? Well, I made that same sweet deal to your daddy as well. That was the plan originally. Let your daddy start it all! But he just didn't want to follow the plan. But you... oh, Dean! You finally took up my offer and sliced into that bitch. And that was it. The first seal broken."

No...

"And it is written that the first seal shall be broken when a righteous man sheds blood in hell..."*

No...

"As he breaks, so shall it break."*

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

***

Dean bolted upright in the bed, soaked in a cold sweat and trembling. He gasped for air and thought his heart was going to explode out of his chest. The dream not leaving him.

"No," he whimpered, shaking his he desperately. "Oh God, no."

It all made sense. All of it. Why the demons had been so eager to bring Dean to Hell. Why he didn't get the same deal as everyone else.

Dean Winchester had broken the first seal.

Dean brought his knees up under his chin and wrapped his arms around himself. Sobs shook his body as he rocked back and forth in the bed.

"What have I done? Oh, God, what have I done?" He sobbed into the dark.

It couldn't be true. It just couldn't. It was too awful. To unimaginable to be true. Dean desperately wanted to forget the dream. Forget the words Alistair had said.

But he couldn't.

Suddenly, Dean could feel a presence in the room with him. He looked over and through the haze of his tears he could see the familiar form of Castiel sitting silently in the chair next to the bed. The moonlight that was shining through the window lit up the vessel's form.

"What do you want?" Dean asked bitterly, not wanting to see the angel right now.

Castiel didn't turn to look at him, only staring at the wall across the room.

"What was your dream, Dean?" Castiel asked quietly.

Dean felt the pain well up inside of him. He drew in a few ragged breaths before he could bring himself to speak.

"The first seal…" Dean said in a low voice. "Was it… did I… did I break it?"

He saw Castiel close his eyes and lower his head silently. The bitter truth was spoken in his silence. Dean closed his eyes and buried his face in his hands.

"Oh my god," he whimpered into his hands. "Why? Why? Why did you have to bring me back here? Why did you bring me back here? Why, you son of a bitch?! Why didn't you just leave me in the pit where I belonged? Why?"

"We were sent to save you, Dean," Castiel replied in his low, calm voice, not reacting to Dean's harsh words. "We tried to reach you… but we were too late."

"You should have left me! Why that fuck didn't you just leave me?"

"You broke the first seal. You are the only one who can stop the Apocalypse now from happening. You have to fight."

Dean looked at him incredulously.

"Fight? Cas, I have nothing left to fight with. I can't fight anymore."

The anguish that had filled Dean just a few moments ago was quickly replaced with grief.

"I'm so tired, Cas. I've tried… I've tried so hard… but I've failed. I failed Dad. Sam. The whole fucking world. I'm not a hero. I'm the one who brought on the damn Apocalypse. So find someone else, Cas."

"I know our fate rests with you."*

"Then you guys are screwed. I can't do it, Cas… it's too big. Alastair was right. I'm not a hero… I'm not strong enough. Well… I guess I'm not the man either of our dads wanted me to be."*

Dean turned his head to face the window and closed his eyes.

"Find someone else. It's not me."*

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*Marks direct quotes from the episode