"That was Jim," Adra says, clicking her phone off and setting it down on the island. She stares at it's dark face for a long moment, and then up to Castiel, "He can come by this Friday. I figured you would want to do it here, and not a stuffy hospital room."
Castiel nods. He fiddles with one of his blue medicine bottles.
"I would be more comfortable, being here," He admits. He sighs, and coughs.
Bam! Bam! Bam! There's a hammering on the front door, loud and strong. Castiel and his mother jump. Adra goes to see who it is. Dean stands in the doorway, his hair wild and his cheeks red. He's followed closely by Sam, who has big eyes and a book in his hand.
"Miss Novak," Dean pants, "I'm sorry. For uh, barging in. I just-"
"Dean. We are… in the middle of something," Adra says uncertainly. Castiel can see his mother's hand clench and unclench as she decides what to do. She looks back at Castiel. Cas nods minutely, "But it can wait. Come in, boys. "
Sam mumbles something that Cas doesn't catch. The boys shuffle in.
Castiel puffs his inhaler. The fluorescent lights of the kitchen are quickly overpowering the daylight.
"I'm sorry for barging in without warning," Dean says, looking from Adra to Castiel with a grimace.
"We got into a fight with our dad," Sam offers, not looking at either of them. "We left, and Dean just wound up here."
Sam looks over the papers spread across the island. The pale funeral home brochure in front of Castiel. The doctor's phone numbers. The newsletter from his church, unfolded with information circled in red. Sam pales. Over his shoulder, Dean pales, too.
"Cas, what's going on?" Sam asks, his voice wavering. The fingers on his book tighten until they're white.
Castiel takes as deep a breath as he can, and coughs.
He stands, and holds out his hand.
"Sam, come into the garden with me."
The back door closes with a shick. In the distance, spring peepers sing. Insects buzz around. The sunlight lengthens the shadows so the spout of the fountain is the big hand of a clock, pointing to the side of the house. A bird rustles in a tree.
Castiel waits by the fountain while Sam takes a minute to marvel. He pushes his glasses up and squints across the yard, through the evergreens, to the rose bushes, and the tiger lilies. His mouth falls open. Dean stays behind him, treading carefully over the cobblestone. Castiel knows the moment Sam looks at him, because his jaw goes from slack with wonder, to clamped tight. Castiel gestures for Sam to join him. The rough edge of the fountain is still seeping warmth from the last tendrils of the sunlight. Dean stands on Castiel's other side.
"This is Eden, Sam," Castiel says, "I planted it when I was ten."
"Why?" Sam asks.
Castiel chuckles.
"I'm glad you asked," Castiel says, "I had accompanied my mother on one of her business trips. This time we were in France. It was my first time, and it was a really lovely experience. But I got sick, as I am wont to do. It was only a cold, but I was the most miserable bastard on the whole continent. So, my mother cut her trip short and took me home.
"I was laid up in my bed for two weeks, maybe more. I don't recall. I had a view of the backyard from my bed, and all day I would spend staring at it, wondering what that barren place would look like full of life. I thought that that was how God felt when He created His garden. So when I was better, I named it Eden and I got to work."
Castiel pauses to cough. He spits a wad of junk into a bush and makes a face.
"My apologies. But, planting Eden got me thinking a lot-" Castiel coughs, "When God created humanity, He gave us rules. But, He did not make us unthinking, unfeeling things. He gave us the choice to disobey Him."
Sam moves his lips but does not make a sound. The sunlight reflects orange and pink on Sam's glasses. Castiel coughs.
"What astounds me about Adam and Eve is that God knew," Castiel continues, "He knew that humanity would disobey Him. That's why He created us. He cast us out of the garden, but he did not smite us down. Paradise was not made for us, Sam, it was made for us to leave behind."
"No," Sam whispers.
"I knew Eden would outlive me, Sam. I knew, and I planted it anyway."
Sam shakes his head.
"No, Cas, no, no, no," He says, frantic. He runs his hands through his hair. Castiel reaches out and touches Sam's shoulder. Sam squeezes his eyes shut, "Castiel, no."
"I'm so sorry, Sam," Cas says, finally, giving Sam's shoulder a squeeze. "I am afraid so."
Dean moves and puts his hand on Sam's lower back. It's the same place Castiel's mother had put her hands when the doctor had given them the news. Sam lunges and hugs Castiel around the neck. Castiel wraps his arms around Sam's middle. Sam is the same height as Dean now, but lankier. Much like Castiel has become.
Held firm against his friend, Sam weeps. Loud, childish sobs echo through the garden. Sam's glasses cut into Cas' shoulder. Cas pushes them up to Sam's forehead. Dean comes forward and presses into both of them. Castiel is grateful for the warmth, the solid presence that is Dean Winchester. Castiel coughs.
"I'm so sorry," Castiel says again. Dean whispers something into Castiel's shoulder. "Hm?" Cas asks.
"Bastard," Dean repeats.
Castiel laughs. Sam sniffles.
Sam turns his head to press his cheek onto Cas' shoulder. A damp spot grows. Castiel cannot find it in him to care.
"So this is what you were fighting with John about?" Sam asks Dean.
Dean sniffs and backs up, putting the two boys at arms length.
"M'sorry, Sammy," Dean shrugs, "I didn't wanna be the one to tell you."
Sam heaves a shaky breath. He presses himself hard into Castiel once more.
"Cas," Sam mumbles, "Cas, Cas, Cas. Castiel." His name is a prayer, coming from Sam's mouth. Castiel reaches up and pets Sam's hair, careful not to snag his glasses. Sam's hair is down to his shoulders. A gust of wind rustles and a few petals flutter into the fountain water. Sam is shaking little sobs.
"Dean," Castiel says, "My mother needs some help in the kitchen. Do you see her?"
Dean looks. The kitchen is empty.
"Oh. Yeah. I can do that," He says.
Dean leaves them in the garden.
A car drives by, lighting up the street in front of the house for a lingering moment. Then it fades, and they are left in darkness. Another cool wind wafts by. Sam shivers. He looks up meekly at Castiel.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cry, I just-" Sam starts.
Castiel puts a hand on Sam's shoulder again.
"It's fine, Sam," Cas says. He gives Sam a long look. Sam rubs one of his eyes with the heel of his hand. "Sam," Castiel breathes, "I would like you to pray with me."
Sam looks at him, his eyes wide open, his mouth slightly ajar. He nods rapidly. His glasses fall to his nose.
"Yes. Yes, Cas, I can do that," Sam says. He pushes his glasses up. Castiel coughs. Castiel turns to the fountain. He plucks a stray leaf out and tosses it away. The water is cool on his fingers.
"Father Jim blessed this fountain," Castiel says. The dark water ripples at his touch, "I asked him to after a friend of mine passed away."
"Good for keeping out demons," Sam says, snorting a little laugh. Castiel blinks.
"Oh," Castiel says. Sam is joking. Yes, of course, "Yes, I suppose so."
Castiel dips two fingers in the cold water and makes the sign of the cross over himself: forehead, stomach, and one shoulder at a time. Sam does the same. The droplet on his forehead glistens in the low light. Castiel takes Sam's dry hand and holds it in both of his. They take a deep breath at the same time.
A quiet moment passes.
"I don't know if you're familiar with Psalm twenty-three?" Castiel asks.
"Uh, shit. I don't think so," Sam says.
"Okay, then," Castiel says. He clears his throat. He coughs, "The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me lie down in green pastures."
"Oh!" Sam whispers, and they begin speaking in tandem.
"He leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the righteous paths for his namesake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou are with me. Your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me and in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love with follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."
Somewhere along the prayer, Castiel had pressed his hands close to him, so Sam's palm was clasped against his chest, feeling the rhythm of Castiel's heartbeat. Castiel breathes as deep as he can. Sam follows the rise and fall of Cas' chest with his eyes, even when Castiel turns away and coughs. They sit like this until the prayer fades from their mouths. Eventually, Castiel shivers.
"Let's go inside," Castiel offers. The hair on his arms stands up.
"Yeah. Does your mom need any more help?" Sam asks, with a brightness he hadn't had before.
Castiel laughs, honestly laughs. It is a deep belly laugh that does not dissolve into coughing. He wants to hold it in his chest forever.
"No, Sam. Thank you."
Inside, Castiel feels instantly better. He coughs, but he feels something loosening inside him. Sam's glasses fog up as he crosses into the landing. Dean looks up from the island in time to make a quip. It feels normal. Normal is definitely something Castiel could go for right now. He sidles over to Dean and plants a kiss on his neck. Faintly, Castiel wonders where his mother has gone, but he leaves the thought to the side. Cas tells Dean his wish.
"Normal, eh?" Dean asks, kissing the top of Castiel's head, "I think we can do that."
Castiel leads them to the small TV room, crammed between the mountainous bookcase in the living room and the front door. Their DVD collection is rather pitiful, Dean informs him. Castiel glares, then coughs. Still, Dean browses for a minute before picking a suitable one.
While Dean is fiddling with the DVD player, Castiel goes to get a glass of water. He fills it from the tap and takes a long gulp. His head has started to prickle like he'd had a long cry, but the water sorts it out. A squeaking comes from overhead, then a door opening and closing. Oh, Adra is upstairs. Castiel listens for moment longer, but when there's no other sound, he stops. Castiel grabs his inhaler off the island, leaving the hospital phone numbers displayed to the empty room.
There are the typical movie trailers before whatever Dean picked out begins. Castiel sits in the middle of the loveseat, which isn't new but looks it, and a Winchester brother flanks him on either side. Castiel's glass he sets between his feet, taking sips occasionally. The movie opens with a very familiar tune, one that Castiel has heard Dean humming quietly on several occasions. Then, there's an explosion of yellow texts across the screen.
Castiel is grateful when Sam leans up and flicks off the light, leaving the only blue of the television and the cracks in the window blinds. Cas squints at the TV. Spaceships, something called the Death Star, and a princess. It sounds like an intriguing tale. Castiel settles between the two brothers. Dean finds Castiel's thigh, then his hand, and every so often Dean presses a kiss to their joined fingers. An android whirrs and beeps on screen; Castiel has to squeeze his eyes shut. He sips his water.
At one point, Dean says something under his breath. Cas hmms for him to repeat it.
"Nothin'," Dean says, a little quickly.
"Dude," Sam says from Cas' other side, sounding wholly affronted, "Were you- are you quoting this movie? As we're watching it?!"
Dean's ears turn bright red.
"No. Shut up."
Castiel looks at Sam, who busts out laughing. Castiel chuckles, then leans down to put his cup back on the floor. The world spins. Sam's laughter is suddenly far away. The android yells on screen, or maybe it's the young man, or maybe it's Castiel. Black dots freckle his vision. Sam's laughter cuts off, and then there is Cas' name, over and over, the end of a prayer just before the amen.
Castiel doesn't know if he hits the floor.