CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

FOUR

I am the last one to arrive to the hospital the next day, other than Al, whom no one has heard from. The sun was already rising when I left the hospital early this morning, and I slept restlessly until early in the afternoon.

We are not in the main waiting room like we were yesterday. This time we are in a special waiting room that is outside the Intensive Care Unit, where Uriah has been admitted. I sit down next to Shauna, and she fills me in about what's going on. "Hana is taking us back one at a time to see him. She warned us not to be alarmed that he doesn't look like himself."

"What does that mean?" I mutter. Shauna shrugs. "Has anyone gone in to see him yet?"

"Marlene's in there now. She's the first."

I wonder if that's a good idea, with how upset Marlene was last night. "Marlene has taken this really hard, hasn't she? It's strange seeing her like that. She's always so happy."

Shauna nods. "She's usually cheerful but she cares deeply about people. She just wants everyone to be happy. She's… you know, she's the kind of person who wears her heart on her sleeve. And we've all been friends with Tris and Uriah for a long time."

I nod. "Has anyone gone in to see Tris?"

Shauna shakes her head. "We thought we'd take turns seeing Uriah first then go down to visit her after. I don't know what kind of shape she's in. Might be better not to have too many people in there at a time."

Marlene appears in the doorway with swollen, red-rimmed eyes but she isn't crying now. Her eyes almost look dead, she looks like she is in shock. Lynn jumps up and pulls her into a hug. Then I see a woman waiting in the doorway who must be Mrs. Pedrad. Christina gets up and leaves with her.

I sit patiently in the waiting room, letting everyone else go ahead of me. I don't know Uriah as well as the rest of them do, so it only seems right. I can tell that all the girls have been crying when, one-by-one, they come back from seeing Uriah. Even Lynn's eyes are red and her cheeks tear-stained. In pairs they leave to visit Tris before heading home, and slowly the group in the ICU waiting room dwindles until I am the only one left.

Shauna was the last to go in, other than me. "Do you want me to wait for you?" she asks when she comes back.

"No, it's okay. Lynn is probably waiting on you," I say. I'm not even sure if I am going to visit with Tris today. I probably shouldn't. I have barely talked to her since I tried to kiss her last week.

Shauna leaves and I feel nervous as I go to meet Mrs. Pedrad where she waits for me. "Hi, Mrs. Pedrad," I say with my hands stuffed in my pockets. "I'm Four."

With a smile that doesn't reach her tired, bloodshot eyes she nods and says, "Hello, Four. Thanks for coming. Zeke has told me a lot about you. And please, call me Hana."

I walk beside her through the double doors. About twenty ICU rooms encircle the big nurses' station in the center of a lobby, and people in scrubs bustle around. Hana doesn't react when a loud alarm sounds and a bunch of people go running to a room off to the right; she simply leads me to the left.

"I need to run home and take a shower, I was traveling all night and haven't had the chance," Hana tells me. She looks at me hopefully. "Would you mind keeping Zeke company?"

"Sure, of course," I answer.

Curtains are partially closed, halfway covering the glass wall that faces from Uriah's room to the nurse's station. As we go through the door I notice Zeke sitting on the bench in front of the window, rubbing his eyes like he just woke up.

Then my eyes fall on Uriah and I suck in a sharp breath.

Now I know what Shauna meant when she told me that Uriah won't look like himself. If Zeke weren't sitting a few yards away, if Hana hadn't led me to this room, I would never have known that it was Uriah lying in front of me. His face is swollen beyond recognition and white bandages are wrapped around his head. His right leg is bandaged in a soft cast and raised above the rest of his body. He isn't wearing a gown and the sheets are pulled halfway up his chest. I can see more bandages wrapped around his torso. Cuts litter his face and body, ranging from larger ones held closed by stitches to mere scrapes left unbandaged. There are machines everywhere, attached all over him, and a large tube leading down his throat, breathing for him.

I just stare at Uriah's lifeless form in the bed while Hana speaks quietly with Zeke. Uriah's personality usually makes him seem larger than life, but now he is looking smaller than I have ever seen him.

Hana nods at me as she leaves, and I go to the window seat and sit down next to Zeke. "So…" I really don't know what to say. This is harder than I thought it would be. "How are you holding up?"

"Well, I don't know if my brother will live or die so… I'm just great." It was a stupid question, but I'm still surprised by Zeke's sarcasm. He looks down. "Sorry. I don't…"

"It's fine, Zeke." We sit there, and I think about the events of last night. One thing sticks out at me, something I haven't had a chance to ask about yet. "What was up with the stop sign? You guys all got kind of a strange look on your faces when the officer mentioned it."

Zeke sighs. "Al stole that sign. Uriah dared him to. Al usually never goes through with dares, I don't know why he did with that one… I don't know why none of us thought about…"

I don't know why none of them thought about how dangerous it was, either. While most of their―our―dares are all fun and games, that one was dangerous. But I certainly don't need to point that out to Zeke now.

"Tris is blaming herself," Zeke adds. "I told her it isn't her fault, that any of us could have stopped it and we didn't, but I know her. Tris is like a sister to me. She's stubborn as hell and she's not going to forgive herself for this anytime soon." I stay quiet. I don't want to talk about Tris, not here. I never should have tried to kiss her, I don't know what came over me that day but I just couldn't help myself. Now I can hardly look at her, and to top it all off, I feel like I betrayed Uriah and Zeke.

"Look," Zeke says. "I didn't get a chance to talk to any of the others about this, so I need you to do some things for me."

"Sure," I say, the guilt fresh on my mind. "Whatever you need."

Zeke nods. "First, I need you to go into Tris's room and get that stop sign. Hide it someplace. Before Caleb or her dad see it ― right after you leave here. There's a spare key under a rock a few yards to the right of the side door off the kitchen." I nod so he knows I got it. "The other thing… is that I need you to make sure Tris is taken care of. I can't―" he runs his hand through his hair, looking frustrated and guilty. "I can't be there for her, I need to be here with Uri. I haven't been there for her lately and it was wrong. All this shit, taking sides over the break-up, it seems so stupid now. Tris is injured, and she's hurting inside, and someone's gotta be there for her. Her brother is here now but I don't think he'll stick around once he has to go back to class tomorrow. We are her real family."

My stomach churns. I know he's right, she needs all of us. I can't say no. And I know I could never leave her alone through this, either. I told her the other day she had me, and I have to make good on that―for her, and for Zeke. And even for Uriah. And who am I kidding―I do care about Tris, and no matter how embarrassed I am, I would have to make sure she was okay.

"Don't worry about it, Zeke. We'll all be there for her," I promise. "I'll make sure of it."

When Hana returns an hour later, I still haven't gotten used to seeing Uriah like this and it's a relief to escape that place. Of course I'll come back soon, because Zeke has been a good friend to me in the short time I have known him.

Zeke walks me out of the ICU. "You goin' down to see Tris?" he asks hopefully. I nod. "Good. Hopefully Caleb won't be there guarding her from us 'hellions,'" he says rolling his eyes. "He's not a fan of her choices in friends, he thinks she should hang out with nerds, like he does."

I laugh, trying to imagine Tris hanging out with the Chess Club or the Mathletes. It's a ridiculous image, just doesn't suit her at all.

We bump fists. "I'll come by after practice tomorrow," I promise.

Zeke shrugs. "If you can. But please just, make sure that Tris―"

"I got it, Zeke," I assure him. Zeke nods and disappears back into the ICU.

Tris's room is two floors down from Uriah's and in a different wing of the hospital. It's calmer in this part of the hospital. The curtains are pulled over the window to her room, so I double check the whiteboard next to the door. Above the room number, 1046, it reads "Prior, B." I don't know what the "B" stands for, but the last name and room number are right, so this door must be hers.

I knock twice and open the door a crack. "Come in," I hear her call out. Her voice is almost musical, but weaker than usual.

I push open the door and pause for a moment in the doorway, taking her in. There are a few scrapes on her face and a bandage wrapped around her arm doubles its usual size. A clear liquid drips from a bag hanging on her left, into a tube connected to her arm. But this room doesn't have the constant beep of a heart monitor or the rhythmic whooshing of a respirator.

"Four." Her voice is a whisper now. If this room had the constant beeping of a heart monitor or the whooshing of a respirator, like Uriah's did, I wouldn't have heard her.

Tris clears her throat. "Come sit down ― I'm glad you're here. You have good timing… Caleb left to take a phone call from my dad. He wouldn't let our other friends into the room." She rolls her eyes.

I ask about Tris's injuries, and she tells me that she'll be on restricted activity for the next four to six weeks while her ribs and neck heal, and her right arm will be in a cast for even longer. The doctors will put the hard cast on when the swelling has gone down in a few days. She will stay a few more days in the hospital and won't be able to return to school for a week.

Tris worries her lip while we sit in an uneasy silence after there is nothing left to say about her injuries. She glances at the door, but I can only seem to look at her, I just can't tear my eyes away from her for long. Even with her hair tangled and her skin marred with bruises and cuts, she is undeniably beautiful.

"Um, Four, there's something I wanted to say… before Caleb comes back." I nod, encouraging her to go on. "I'm sorry. For that night by the river." I tense and look at my hands, bracing myself for further rejection. "To be honest with you, I've been kicking myself ever since because I―I wish I had kissed you back." Her voice has gotten quieter as she speaks until it trails off to a whisper.

I look up, meeting her eyes. "Really? You… you do?" I choke out. My heart is pounding.

Tris nods. "It was never that I didn't want to kiss you, Four. I just didn't know...I wasn't sure if…" She shrugs, leaving me wondering what the rest of that sentence was going to be.

"If what?" I ask. "If you were over Uriah? If you liked me? If…"

"No… yes… I don't…" She shakes her head as if to clear it. "I had a lot of feelings to sort out, yes. But it was more that I didn't want to hurt Uriah any more than I already had and it just seemed too soon."

I nod in understanding and find myself leaning closer to her. "So...do you think maybe... sometime... I could…" I say, moving closer still.

"Sometime," she smiles, and my eyes dart to her lips.

And then I jump at the sound of the door opening and lean back in my chair once again. I look up to see the boy from the waiting room the other day, glaring at me.

"Beatrice," he scolds. Beatrice. That must be what the 'B' on the whiteboard was for. That name seems so wrong for her. "You need to rest. Maybe your… friends… can come by in a few days."

Tris glares at him. This must be her brother, I think I remember that his name is Caleb.

I clear my throat. "That's alright, I was just about to leave anyway."

"Four?" Tris asks sweetly. "Do you think you could get my homework for me, get someone to bring it by?"

I smile. "Of course, Tris. I'll bring it to you tomorrow. Feel better." I nod at Caleb. He returns the gesture but continues glaring at me as I file out of the room.