Chapter 25: Anxiety
Something felt wrong, as if it wasn't supposed to be there or it was misplaced. However, it felt like it was her body that was misplaced at that moment and she couldn't put a finger on it. Something made her anxiety to race until she felt claustrophobic in the building she was in. Even the people made it feel more crowded to her.
"Thanks for the hard work." Yoshi chimed like he always did.
Nodding, she left the bar and saw that Ikkaku wasn't waiting like always. He was put on a mission. She tried to reassure herself that as she made her way down the street to check out the place that her sibling and his wife were talking about.
Stopping at the location, she peeked in and nodded. They were right. It was going to be work but it wouldn't be enough to kill off.
"So this is surprising to see you all by yourself. Usually you're with that shinigami of yours." Jirou's voice caused Tomoko to jump at the sudden noise that was close to her. Snickering a little, he peeked in with her. "Plan on buying it?"
"If I have enough Kan to do so." She answered and peeled away from the glass. She could almost picture herself there with Ikkaku. But with the way things going at that moment, she felt like there was barely anything of Ikkaku. It's only been a couple weeks since Kunio got married so she shouldn't be feeling like this.
"Why the long face? Don't try to lie because there's something bothering you. It's all over your face." The blond flute player inquired as he kept his attention on his ex. Something about her pale skin bothered him. Inwardly he hoped that it didn't have anything to do with that shinigami.
"Can we walk and talk?" She asked her own question and saw a nod. As she started the slow steps, she looked at the hill that had so many haunted memories and shook her head a little. This feeling that was over her all day made her wonder what was wrong with her. It just made her want to stay away from the Seireitai for a little more, as if it was the cause of this emotion.
"Any time."
A small nod came from the barmaid. "It started the day before I got screamed at by Ka-san. I mean the lecture, screaming, cutting all ties to me scream that Kunio told you about. Well, I . . . I became intimate with Ikkaku. During it, he became distant. It bothers me. It shouldn't because people do become someone else when it comes to that point at time but this was different."
Nodding and listening to the woman's problems, he glanced at her. What she was saying was making him wonder if the guy wasn't just using her. Narrowing his verde eyes at the thought of her being just used for that, Jirou wanted to find the shinigami that was the topic at the moment.
"It continued since then. I've given him my all whenever we do that." Tomoko explained, biting her lip and letting some silence in. It felt good to get everything out and letting the silence take it all away. It didn't take away the feeling she was getting from deep inside her. "I haven't confronted him about it because of our schedules. I have a strange feeling that something might be wrong with him or our relationship."
"Are you sure you're not overreacting? Maybe he thought he was good at that moment." Jirou tried to make up lies for the bald shinigami to cover his tail. He wasn't sure why he was doing it though. Sighing and seeing the fear gripped in the azure eyes, he knew there was no changing the woman. Slinging an arm over her shoulder, he sighed once more. "Tomo-chan. He just might be busy with something. Ever think of that."
"I know he is Jirou. It's just that . . ."
"Just what?" He asked.
Biting her lip and playing with her yukata sleeve, she stared at the fiddling she was doing. It seemed like the only thing she could do at that moment. Tomoko's gaze turned to the tan flute player that was beside her and almost felt safe again with him near her.
The feeling that she had all day almost double again as they got out of the Rukongai and to the hill where she usually went to clear her mind. It felt good to be getting out of somewhere crowded and loud. Now she could get her thoughts aligned and figure out where this feeling was coming from.
"Anything else?" Jirou questioned with his gaze turning to the barmaid that was beside him.
"I think we're growing distant. I think that Ikkaku and I are growing distant because of the fact that we brought sex into the relationship so soon. I'm sure an idea for thinking that it would work. Kuso." Tomoko complained as she was sat down at the base of the tree. Staring up at her friend who sat down beside her, she sighed. "I don't think there's anyone out there for me Jirou."
"There is." He stated almost quickly. Hearing those words of putting herself down made him just want to find the shinigami that was causing her to feel like this. It had to be that old feeling of wanting to be close and protect her like he used to do when they were a couple. Maybe he still had feelings for the barmaid and didn't realize it until now. "I'm sure there is someone out there for you. You just gotta keep looking."
"You sound like Kunio when we broke up. You know what? After that happened and I thought I was ready to see someone, he set me up with a shinigami from the second division because he thought we would be good together. The guy turned out to be a closet pervert."
A snort came from the blond haired man as he tried to keep from laughing at the announcement. It was random but hearing her start to crack up was a good feeling. It was good hearing the woman that he still cares for laughing with him.
"Also, I'm afraid that I might be pregnant." Tomoko's words cut into the silence, stilling it as it hung around them. Placing a hand on the area where a child might be growing as she thought of it made the fear double once more. This had to be the subject that was causing the worry.
"I'm not sure how you can find out."
"Yachiru-chan said that the Research and Development team came up with a device similar to the one the world of the living has. It detects hormones that are produced when someone's pregnant. It's a neat invention that someone made." The long-haired barmaid said as she looked out onto the Rukongai with her sapphire eyes closing. Laying her head onto the bark, she wanted to know if she was or not.
Scratching his head in confusion, he wondered what else the world of the living came up with over the years. Looking at the sky, the silence around them bothered him. Jirou's gaze turned to the unique haired beauty and asked, "do you want to try one?"
Opening her eyes and nodding, she knew what she had to do. She had to know if she was carrying a child or not. Getting up and tugging him up – almost like when they were seeing each other – she wanted to rush down the hill and back into the crowd. Wanting to get her hands on the object made her almost trip over for the speed they were picking up.
"If you are? What are you going to do then?" Jirou asked loudly as he followed after the woman that was eager to figure out what was going on in her body. If she was, it made him wonder how the shinigami would take it. Would he take it with open arms or cast her aside? Would the child have hair was the big issue also?
Sighing as he saw her stop at a general store ahead of him, he picked up the pace a little more to get beside her. He knew that she was scared. He would be too if he was in her shoes. Shaking his head and feeling the blond locks hit his nose, Jirou felt her grasp his hand tightly for support. "You can do it."
She let go of his hand and went inside in search of what she was looking for.
Leaning on a pole, his gaze followed a few people he recognized from various places. Smiling at a few that he played at, he waved at them. Looking back into the store, seeing her look around almost nervously, he sighed. He didn't blame her for feeling this way. Finding out if you were bearing a child was a big thing in someone's life. It also didn't help the fact that they weren't married so the shinigami could do anything. He could disown her like her own mother or anything else.
Feeling a tug on his shirt, he looked down to see her holding a burlap sack with an object in it. "Find it okay?"
"Yeah." The one word answer wasn't like her. Tomoko was usually chatty about things but now she wasn't. The fact that she might be carrying the child of the man that she was growing distant from was the main problem. Following her ex lover to his place so she could figure out what was going on, she held the object to her chest tightly. How it was given to the public was a surprise to her.
"Don't be scared. A baby is a beautiful thing. You'll make a wonderful mother." Jirou tried to reassure the woman as they stepped into the apartment like place. Watching her scurry to the bathroom, he was glad that he didn't change placed like he wanted to at first when they broke up. Opening a window and sitting by it, a small sigh escaped him. It was bothersome.
Closing his eyes and resting his head on the sill, the instrument player could almost account how many times he wished he was in the shinigami's sandals now. This woman that he left because of the fact that he was threatened made him wish he could change the past. Then he would be bound to her in matrimony with a child.
"Jirou." Her words held fear, making him jump to go comfort her. Looking into the crying eyes, he could see the answer him them already. She found out what she was looking for. Getting up and taking her into an embrace, he let her cry in his chest.
"What is it? You know you can tell me, like everything else you've told me." Jirou stated, reminding the young woman of what he said a few years back.
"I am. I gotta go talk to Kunio because he'll know what to do. I do trust you." Tomoko babbled. He had to feel hurt that she wanted to talk to her brother more then him. Breaking the contact, she raced into the streets and the Seireitai. With blind luck and her eyes closing often by the tears, she found the second division.
Banging on the door, she continued to cry. Where was Kunio? "Kunio! Tsubaki Kunio!"
The sound of rushing feet made her take a step away from the door, only to see it open and reveal her brother. Knowing what she knew, the bluish green haired barmaid grabbed a hold of the shihakushô that belonged to him.
"What's wrong Tomoko?"
"I'm pregnant. Ikkaku is going to have a baby and I should be happy. I kinda wanted this with him but it feels so wrong when I think about what I might know." She clarified. Being pulled away to look at her shinigami brother, she watched his brunette eyes dance in confusion and happiness.
"What do you know? Well might know." Kunio questioned with his feet itching to go after the third seat he almost looked up to. If he harmed her in anyway then he'll go kill him. It wasn't allowed to do so but it was an urge.
"That Ikkaku might not love me."
I'm not sure if you would consider this a cliffy. I should be in bed when I typed it up because its going on two thirty. *bows head* Please review or do what you want besides flame. Constructive criticism is welcomed! I like reading those for some reason.