A/N - For that stressed out college kid who asked for a healthy update.
Chin up lil homie. No fucks should be given on a day when I post. So let us take a moment to give no fucks.
DISCLAIMER - I do not own Naruto or give any fucks for that matter.
Song used for this chapter - Lunova Labs - Burden (AZEDIA Remix)
When Sakura dropped me off that night, we were silent. The car was as dead as the night rain, humming around us without much thought. It was the same as me, how I was feeling. My mind was still frozen, still stuck, and the only thing I could think about was her lips.
The very ones that were pressed against mine just moments before.
She walked me to my door, allowing me to use her varsity batman jacket to protect me from the storm. And after, with my keys in the door because I had already unlocked it but hadn't bothered to open it, I moved to give her jacket back, but she refused.
"Keep it," she said softly, lightly flashing behind her.
"I couldn't," I answered with a frown, "Isn't this one of your brother's jackets?"
"Yeah but you look so good in it," she explained, her green eyes glowing as she steadily watched me, "And I kind of hope you sleep with it tonight."
My heart squeezed as I looked away, quietly feeling as my stomach churned. I took a breath, but for reasons unknown, because I couldn't speak. My words dropped in the depths of my throat, and I only managed to breathe out with a heavy sigh. Sakura hadn't mind, she simply gave me a half smile.
"Do I make you nervous?" She asked casually, as if it wasn't obvious enough.
"The things you say are pretty nerve wrecking," I replied truthfully, shifting and pulling her jacket more around me with my eyes still away from hers.
"Come on, I'm a dork with everything I say," she whispered back, taking another step up the small set of stairs she was standing on, and effectively closing more distance between us. I silently kept my eyes away from her, and the silence tumbled for a moment. But then she started carefully, "Listen, about tonight-"
"Don't…" Was all I could breathe out, my heart already hammering at the mere mention of it.
"That bad?" She asked, and even though her voice sounded disappointed, her smile was still there.
"No," I assured, struggling to push past my nerves, "I just… I'm not sure I could…"
"Could what?" She pressed, taking another step up towards me and reaching the leveled floor. The way she towered over me was comforting, as weird as it was to admit. I felt safe, as if she were protecting me, shielding me from the outside world that was behind her as thunder rumbled through out the sky.
"I couldn't breathe if we started talking about it," I rushed out, fighting every prickle in my body to not take a step away from her.
"Oh? So you would like to spend your breath on something else?" She teased softly, twinkle in her eye as she slipped me a heartbreaking smile.
Again I took a breath, only for it to tumble with no words coming out.
"Making you nervous is pretty enjoyable," she laughed quietly before taking a step back with a rub of her neck, "But I guess I shouldn't press my luck tonight."
The step she took away from me made me feel colder, and I instantly wanted her back to where she was. I couldn't express it though; my failures with words tonight were too great. So I simply watched her, a tad helplessly.
"Anyway," she continued, dropping her hand with a sigh, "I, uh… I guess I'll see you around at school?"
I nodded, unable to do anything else.
"Right, ok…" she slowly nodded as well, taking another backwards step down the stairs while adding, "It was amazing hanging out with you tonight Ino. I honestly hope I showed you a great time as well."
"You have," I stumbled out awkwardly, my words a bit chopped, "I uh. No yeah, it was fun."
"Great," she nodded while her eyes sliding to the side, "Alright. I guess I should be going. See you around, Ino."
She moved to leave, but in a fraction of a second my hand grabbed her shirt. It was awkward when she glanced back in curiosity, because I kind of just quickly took back my hand and dropped my gaze to the ground. I couldn't say anything either, I simply stood there like an idiot.
But Sakura was far too clever to not realize what I wanted. And she was far too accommodating to tease and beat around the bush about it. Instead she turned around, half smile pulling at her lips, and watched me carefully as she walked back up the stairs.
"You know what, I'm forgot to tell you something," she muttered, closing the distance between us as I slowly stepped back and leaned against my closed front door.
I bit my lip and looked away, small blush at my cheeks as I mumbled, "Oh really…"
"Mhmm," she replied, standing close to me. I glanced up at her eyes, and caught her smile. I was just about to look away again, but she caught my chin and tugged me back carefully, forcing my eyes back to hers. Watching steadily, she murmured, "I forgot to mention that you're eyes are undeniably stunning."
"Thank you," I whispered out.
"You are absolutely welcome," she responded, and then leaned down and pressed her lips against mine.
My breath was gone all over again, sucked right from my chest by her soft lips. She moved slowly against mine, her body carefully pressing me against the wall with her hand finding my waist to simply steady me there. And after what felt like seconds, she tortured me with her decision to pull away too soon.
I leaned against the wall, breathing. Her green eyes watched me, small smile pulling at her lips, "Get some sleep Ino. I will see you later."
I nodded in response, and she gave me another smile before pulling away from me completely and walking down the steps. And as the rain soaked her, she paused opening the car door to give me a wave. I smiled and waved back, watching as she hopped into the car and shortly disappeared down the road.
X
I was asleep when there was a knock at my window, and it took me a moment to recognize the sound. Groggily, I sat up and went to towards it, opening my blinds without much thought. To my absolute surprise Tayuya was kneeling on the roof, soaked from head to toe and waiting for me to let her in, so I did.
I went straight back into bed, too tired to even bother with fussing about how she would get my floor wet, or how she could catch a cold if she was walking in the rain for too long. Instead I just curled into the warmth that I had gathered from laying in one spot, and listened as Tayuya quietly jumped inside from behind me.
There were creaks while she moved, shuffling and sliding the window closed quietly. After a moment of not hearing anything, I heard her whisper, "Hey. Do you have a pair of shorts I can wear?"
I grumbled into my sheets, a string of unintelligible words.
"Right," She replied, hearing her creaks as she began to move about my room, "I'll just figure it out myself."
She took her time going through my drawers, attempting to be as quiet as she could with each step, breath, and noise. But it was those noises that I was searching for as I closed my eyes slowly, my back towards her. Those noises gave me comfort, because I know with them confirmed the fact that she was still here. And as I was gradually falling back asleep as seconds tumbled on, I hope she wouldn't leave after I lost consciousness.
I woke back up with the feel of Tayuya's weight dipping into the bed. But instead of feeling her warmth against me as I so patiently waited for, she crawled to the wall and sat near my legs. For a moment I just laid there, wondering why she hadn't bothered to get under the sheets. And it was good that I was facing her, because if I had to roll over to find out I might have just been left there wondering for the rest of the night.
My eyes opened and wandered to her sitting there, phone in her hand with her beanie pulled low. Her wet hair clung to her exposed shoulders; She had taken off her shirt, leaving only her sports bra covering her chest. Her skin was tanned, and the light from her phone as she typed away allowed me to see some of the few muscle cuts she had from simply being physically active with skateboarding.
Silently looking away, I wondered who she was texting as I listened to the soft hum of every button she pushed on the screen. Of course the only person I could think of was Karin, and with slight annoyance, I rolled away.
We stayed silent for a while, and to my dismay I was too irritated to fall back asleep. So I simply laid there, watching my dark room as I listened to the crickets outside. Then I heard Tayuya's soft voice, already assuming that I was still awake.
"Nice jacket."
My eyes, which had wandered closed, popped open. The only jacket that would be in my bed was Sakura's, and I had completely forgotten that I had been sleeping with it before Tayuya came in. My heart hammered as I shut my eyes tight, questioning how absolutely stupid I could be.
"Batman huh? I didn't know you were into superhero stuff," Tayuya continued conversationally, and I realized that she couldn't have known where the jacket had come from, who had given it to me, and why I had it in the first place.
Stomach churning, I gave up with being comfortable and sat up, pulling the jacket slowly to my lap, "Well," I started quietly, my eyes wandering the dark and gray color, "My friend ended up letting me have it. It was raining outside."
"Oh, well that was nice," she replied with a shrug, "I should have probably carried one around today, but I hadn't noticed the storm clouds until it was already pouring down."
"Why were you outside?" I asked, slipping from bed to hang the jacket up in my closet, hoping to keep her from prying for any other details about it.
"The usual," she answered lazily, "I didn't realize it was this late, or I would have come over sooner."
"Kankuro was looking for you," I informed quietly, turning back around to see her sitting there with her knees up and elbows propped on them. Her body expression suggested she wasn't very surprised.
"They are always looking for me," she huffed out as she rubbed her eyes.
I didn't say anything as I moved back to the bed, sitting at the edge with my feet on a wet puddle spot. My mind was wandering, and the words I wanted to ask were at the tip of my tongue, but I knew I shouldn't. It was dumb for me to pry so much, especially if it was just for one reason in particular. But I couldn't help it, I honestly wanted to know.
"Were you with Karin tonight?" I asked softly.
She was quiet for a moment, and I could practically feel her eyes watching me from behind. With a sigh, she muttered, "Not for very long."
"Oh." I answered simply, pretending my heart and stomach didn't drop.
"She offered to go to the movies, but I said no," she continued to talk as I looked at the floor, "I never got a text from Kiba or anyone, and when I came over earlier tonight you weren't here, so I ended up going to smoke at that trail and Karin tagged along."
"I went out with a friend," I half told the truth, my fingers fidgeting with each other.
"Well I hope you had more fun than I did," she sighed and I felt shift from behind me, "Getting rained on isn't fun when the blunt goes out. We literally went through hell trying to light it up again."
"You shouldn't smoke," I slipped out.
"Yes princess, I know," she replied in her typical manner.
"Then why don't you stop?" I pressed, surprising myself.
"Huh?" She started, sounding a bit confused. Then, slowly, she went on to explain, "Well. I'm not sure. It just helps, you know? Makes the world seem a little nicer."
"It's nice without it," I snapped, while glaring at my fingers, "It's just that you spend your time so high that you forget how nice of a place it is when you aren't."
The silence that followed was deafening, and with it whatever spell I was under broke. Sighing, I squeezed my fingers together, not knowing what had come over me. I was just irritated, annoyed that my suspicions were correct. Even more angry with myself that I partially caused it, because I wasn't home to catch Tayuya looking for me.
And then I kissed Sakura. Three times.
Karin was skipping around with Tayuya, as if they were just as much best friends as we were; and what was worse was to find out that she smokes, which was Tayuya's second hobby after skateboarding. I could already see how many times Tayuya would come in high, probably just coming back from a smoke break with her.
God, why couldn't she just go the fuck away? It was stupid, and she was a bitch anyway.
Tayuya's arms being wrapped around my shoulders from behind surprised me, partially because she had stopped the rant in my head. Her legs slipped against both sides of me, and her half naked chest pressed against my back, forcing me to remember what exactly it was like to be to have her warmth mixing with my own.
Arms locking across my chest, I felt her lean against me and mumble quietly, "Alright then. Ask me to quit."
I pulled away slightly, replying with a flat tone, "No, just do what you want."
"And what I want to do is whatever you tell me," she whispered into my ear, her lips barely brushing against me.
"Forget it, Tayuya," I mumbled, not at all convinced in the words she was so sweetly whispering, "Just do what you want."
Her sigh danced across my neck as I felt her arms drop to my stomach. She tugged me back as she rested her forehead on my back shoulder, and for a while we just sat like that. I didn't bother with moving away, even though I partially felt like it only because I was so annoyed. But the irritation was slowly melting into minor levels, along with everything else. Tonight felt like a faded memory, and life normally did when I was with Tayuya. It's why it was so frustrating, because even though everything watered into nothing, there was still one girl that seemed to have such a strong presence in this room, and she wasn't even here.
Tayuya always had this effect whenever I was pressed against her, forcing me to believe that even though life was going on outside of this room, here with the both of us nothing else existed. There was no school, no troubles, no real life. There was nothing but the two of us, breathing and struggling to deal with each other.
But Karin, it was like she was always here. And even with the numbness of the world, her presence was like a throbbing headache that refused to go away. So while I felt Tayuya's warmth, knowing that now that she had jumped into my window she was mine for at least until the morning, I couldn't brush Karin's fake smile out of my head. And that is what pissed me off the most.
Because it was like me and Tayuya's private little get away was being breached by a bitch who had some sort of personal goal to make my life hell.
"Ino," Tayuya mumbled, her voice low with her breath running down my back as she kept her forehead rested against me, "What did you do tonight?"
My heart pounded as I stared ahead in absolute disbelief. Smiling to myself, I shook my head and looked out the window, "Nothing. I went out with a friend and we went to the movies." I lied out of my teeth.
"Mm," she hummed in return, and I knew she didn't believe me. But I think that was the point, I think she knew I wouldn't tell her the truth. Whatever was churning in her head, I was only proving it right.
"What about you," I countered in a mutter, "You and Karin, what did you do all day?"
"Nothing," she responded, flat and unconvincing.
I set my jaw and continued to look out the window.
"We are both liars, huh?" Tayuya mused, breaching the tone of misery.
"Maybe," I mumbled out, my heart wrenching.
We were quiet for a moment, simply pressed against each other. I continued to watch outside, looking at the still trees. Eventually I noticed the crickets had stopped chirping, and the frogs stopped croaking. There was no more rain, no more wind. Everything around us was completely dead and silent, and the quiet was pounding at my ears.
"Remember when school started," she began softly, her fingers toying with my shirt, "And remember how worried you were that we would somehow drift apart?"
The memory toyed at the edges of my mind, and feeling completely miserable, I replied quietly, "Yes Tayuya, I do."
"I wasn't worried at all," she continued without much volume or motivation, "I was sure that nothing would happen, that we would continue to be close and always together. I was positive that we wouldn't drift apart, because I knew it was impossible for it to be any other way."
"Well you were right," I responded softly as she paused to take a breath, "Here we are, still best friends."
"I was so sure because I knew what I wanted, I knew what I had in my hands, and I knew I wouldn't be letting it go," she mumbled, but with each word I was becoming less and less convinced that she was actually talking to me, but more to herself, "And I was positive, Ino, that no matter what, in the end, it'll always be us."
"It will," I assured, hating the way she drifting off, leaving me here to watch her slowly float away.
"But I'm scared now," she whispered out, tightening her hold on me, "I hadn't realized that it didn't matter what I knew, what I thought, what I was so sure of, because if you hadn't felt the same way we wouldn't be here now. If you thought any differently, what could I have done to stop any of it?"
"You shouldn't be scared," I whispered, hoping to comfort her, "You were right-"
"No, I was stupid," she cut in, her voice growing more and more quiet, "I assumed that I could single handedly accomplished something, but all that I've learned is that I can't. I can work as hard as I can on my end. I can put 90% into it, even 99%. But in the end, Ino, I still need that 1%... I still need that single ounce to make anything possible."
Her words had to have double meanings; there was something between the lines that I was missing. I struggled to figure them out, desperate to understand where this was all coming from, but I couldn't. Whatever she was speaking to me of, it must have been something that she had been toying with in her mind for a while now. And maybe if she had come to me sooner, I could have pried and questioned what was bothering her. But it was too late for us both, there was nothing I could do, so Tayuya continued to float away, and landed herself on her own world.
Leaving me here, running my fingers across her arm, hoping that she will snap out of it. But she didn't. The rest of the night I was left just sitting there, her holding me.
And I hadn't realized until it was far too late that she wasn't just holding onto me, she was clinging.
(1) - watch?v=InLrfyyVUtQ (Good song, killed my replay button on this song. I'm not sure why I like it, but the feel of it just fit so perfectly.)
College kid, and everyone else, let's not stress. And for the love birds in our story, I want to tell them to same thing. Stress is unnecessary, and I've been practicing with understanding that in the end
Nothing is that serious.
So lets just lay back, chill, smile. I love you, and everyone who reads this story loves eachother, it's all we need. Just go hippie mood and relax with whatever calms you down. Whether it be my updates, some music, or smoking.
The emotional distraught is there folks, can you feel it? This was pretty heartbreaking for me to write. I had half done, but wrote the second half because my batman signal was flaring and dancing across the clouds.
Someone needed an update, and so I delivered.
College kid, much love. Fans, just as much love.
Read review. And lets all relax. Oh, and I put my love out there for the families who suffered from the naval shooting today. My navy heart mourns for the injured and lost.
Shycadet loves. out.