25

The night before the Christmas Holiday Break was set to begin, James sat alone in front of the fire in the Gryffindor Common Room. He knew it was somewhere past two in the morning, but he didn't feel tired at all. Sirius and Peter had passed out hours earlier, and Remus—James was quite sure—was awake under his blankets with his wand reviewing OWL pre-test work.

The last few weeks had flown by with still no resolution on when exactly James and Snape would meet for their 'conversation'. While this wasn't too surprising to James, he was pleasantly surprised by how his relationship with Lily had never been better. They spent a great deal of their time with one another, when she wasn't patrolling or doing homework and he wasn't practicing Quidditch or pretending to do homework.

But James also hadn't pushed his luck. He desperately wanted to be more than friends with Lily, but he also recognized the delicate balancing act she was pulling off with him and Snape. While he reviled Snape with every aspect of his being, he also sympathized all too well with why Lily was so desperate to save him from himself.

But now, on the precipice of everyone splitting up for the holidays, James found himself in a bind. A combination of excitement and dread seemed to hang over the students of Hogwarts—excitement at the tidings and cheer that Christmas usually brought, and dread at the thought that some of the students might not come back after the holiday, either because they were kept home by their families or worse.

James and Sirius were set to return to the Potter House; Remus and Peter would be going to spend time with their families, but would then arrive the day after Christmas. Lily was taking off for North America to be with her parents and sister, who had been in hiding there since the attack on their home the previous year.

She should be safe over there, James tried to reassure himself. But even as he did, his own mind began to speak back at him. But what about you? He asked himself. What if Rochefort or Voldemort come for you over the holiday? What if you're killed without ever really telling Evans how you feel?

James had told Lily he was infatuated with her many times. Anyone with two brain cells to rub together knew that James was crazy about her. But he struggled to recall a time where he had told her seriously about it—he had always punctuated whatever he was saying with a roguish grin, or a ruffle of his hair, or a joke, something to make it seem like he wasn't laying his heart on the table in front of her for her to either take and cherish, or to crush into a million tiny pieces. He'd been a coward, he had decided.

I should tell her, he thought to himself. No jokes or anything—just lay it all out there for her to hear. But then, what if we both come back safe and sound after holidays and everything is weird?

He ran a hand through his hair in irritation. 'You're psyching yourself out, James,' he muttered to himself.

'First sign of madness, talking to yourself,' came a soft voice in his ear. It was with great dexterity that James launched out of his chair, turning in mid-air, and with great resistance that he didn't scream loud enough to wake the whole castle. He could ear blood pounding in his eyes as he looked at Lily Evans, who was eyeing him mischievously as she sat down in the comfortable armchair in front of the fire.

James thumped his chest theatrically. 'I've only got one heart, Evans—I'd rather you not make it explode within my chest,' he said.

'Your face was classic,' Lily said with her tinkling laugh. 'I'm gathering you couldn't sleep?'

James sighed as he sat down on the couch across from Lily. 'It's Moony's fault, really,' he said.

'How so?' Lily asked.

'I can hear him thinking from across the room. He's under his blankets, of course—studying for OWLs,' James said dismissively.

'Always the model student,' Lily nodded sagely.

James glanced around. 'What has you awake at this hour?'

'I actually have to leave a little earlier than the rest of you,' Lily said apologetically. 'I have to catch an airplane.'

James frowned. 'Ohhh—is that one of those seven-whatsit-sevens?'

'A seven forty seven,' Lily corrected. 'The kind that you nearly crashed into over London, yes,' she added with a sly smile.

'You mean the kind that I expertly avoided over London,' James said loftily. 'How long does the flight take?'

Lily shrugged. 'About eight to ten hours,' she said.

'That's really long—why not just go by magic?' James asked incredulously.

'Sometimes it's nice to see how the other side lives,' Lily replied with a sigh, but James got the feeling she was holding back.

'Your lovely sister's put her foot down about magic around her, hasn't she?' James asked shrewdly.

Lily glanced at him in surprise. 'Have you been reading my mail?' she asked.

'No,' James answered, 'but you don't have a very good poker face.'

Lily sighed. 'Well, yes, that's the truth,' she said heavily. 'Petunia has decided that if my parents insist on having me—the marked woman—around, that the whole 'I'm a witch' thing should be swept under the rug.'

'That sounds idiotic,' James replied.

'It is,' Lily mused.

'You could always come and stay at my house,' James offered.

Lily snorted. 'That'd go over well with the masses.'

'Masses are overrated,' James said with a grin, a grin he allowed to fade. 'Have you thought about what would happen if something happened to one of us?' he asked suddenly.

Lily glanced at him in alarm. 'I—well—yes,' she said.

James hesitated. 'Have you ever considered what your last words to someone would be?' he went on.

'Where's this coming from?' Lily asked.

James looked at the fire. 'It's just occurring to me that…well…if I don't come back—'

'Shut up, Potter,' Lily said forcefully. 'No one's saying goodbye.'

'But if—' James began.

'No one—is saying—goodbye,' Lily said firmly. 'You're going to stay safe. And I'm going to North America; unless Voldemort or Rochefort fancies travelling a very long way, nothing is going to happen to either of us. So don't say goodbye. Don't tell me anything—because we're going to have time to tell it to each other later.'

James blinked. 'You think so?' he asked.

'I know so,' she said, her green eyes ablaze. 'We've slipped by unscathed for too long to get snuffed out now. You took Rochefort's hand for crying out loud,' she said. 'Mark my words—the next time he meets you, the only sight that magical eye of his is going to see is the fires of hell.'

James laughed in spite of himself. 'That's pretty poetic, Evans,' he said.

'I've thought about it a great deal,' she muttered.

'Me too,' James replied.

'You must be excited to see your parents again,' Lily said, shifting gears.

James sighed. 'Yeah, it feels like a lifetime since we've been there,' he said. 'Pranking Umbridge seems so long ago…' he added with a grin.

Lily chuckled. 'D'you suppose she'll try and get some revenge?'

'Oh, of course she will. She seems like the type to hold a grudge on us, our children, our children's children…'

'Our children?' Lily asked in an odd voice.

James glanced at her. 'I didn't mean—I mean—I didn't mean our as in you and me—I just meant—that is to say—'

'I get it,' Lily said quickly. She looked pensive again.

'Have you met my reindeer, Segue?' James uncomfortably asked after a moment, producing a small, porcelain reindeer with a glowing red nose.

Lily's jaw dropped. 'Segue my foot, that's Rudolph,' she said happily as James handed her the small reindeer. 'You didn't sneak off to a Muggle village again, did you?' she asked threateningly.

James chuckled. 'No, this one was entirely my own design,' James said firmly. Lily looked at him with raised eyebrows. 'I fully intend to get an 'O' on my Transfiguration OWL. You know, to accompany all the other 'O's' I'm going to get,' he added.

Lily laughed. 'You think you're getting a lot of Outstandings, do you?' she said. 'Shouldn't you be up under the blankets with Remus then?'

'How many times do I have to tell you, Evans?' James chided.

'Oh please, not the superior brains speech again…' Lily muttered.

James chuckled. 'I've given it to you so many times, you must have that sucker memorized,' he said. 'Of course…I'm always open to another friendly wager,' he added with a smirk.

Lily cocked an eyebrow. 'You seriously think you're going to get more OWLs than me?'

'Not just OWLs—more Outstanding marks,' James said with a grin.

'Oh you're on,' Lily said. 'You have no idea what you've done here, Potter. I'm going to eat you for breakfast.'

'That's the spirit. And that sounds like a fair wager,' James said.

Lily wrinkled her eyebrow. 'You want me to eat you?'

'No,' James said with a laugh. 'I want us to have breakfast together.'

Lily rolled her eyes. 'Of course. Well, I suppose it's not the worst wager you've suggested,' she muttered.

'What are your terms if you win?' James countered.

Lily contemplated this for a moment. 'Well, now that you and Sev are in a cease fire, it's hard to think of something to make you genuinely uncomfortable…' she said.

'Breakfast makes you uncomfortable?' James asked with a snort.

Lily stuck her tongue out. 'I'll think of something,' she declared. Just then, the portrait hole opened and Professor McGonagall stepped into the Common Room.

'Ah, Ms. Evans—good to see that you're already up,' McGonagall said before she spotted James. 'Mr. Potter; I wasn't aware that you knew this hour of the day existed,' she said in surprise.

James grinned. 'I'd heard so many people talk about it, I just had to see for myself,' he replied.

Lily stood up, laughing as she did so. 'Have a safe Christmas, Potter,' she said.

'Oi,' James replied, standing as well. He grabbed Lily's arm and before she could protest, had pulled her into an embrace. 'You stay safe, alright?' he said. 'Have a Happy Christmas.'

'You too, Potter,' Lily murmured into his chest. They stayed there for a moment, with Professor McGonagall evidently finding a new interest in the carpet patterns on the floor. Then Lily pulled away, slightly pink in the cheeks, and walked straight out of the portrait hole past McGonagall.

'Good morning, Professor,' James said as he headed for the staircase.

'Good morning, Potter,' McGonagall said with the ghost of a smile as she disappeared through the portrait hole after Lily.

James sat there for a long moment, staring after where the two of them had been. 'I thought that went rather well,' came Sirius' voice in his ear, causing James to jump once again. He spun only to find air in front of him.

'What—are you under my cloak?' James hissed, and Sirius appeared in front of him, laughing heartily. 'What are you up to?'

Sirius grinned. 'I got smart, see?' he said excitedly. 'All those times I walked out and ruined a moment between you and Lily—this time I grabbed your cloak, and neither of you was the wiser!' he said.

'So how long were you out here?' James asked incredulously.

Sirius shrugged. 'I don't know—most of the time you two were,' he replied.

James cuffed him hard in the head. 'How about some privacy, you git?' he thundered.

'You didn't need it. Seriously, talking about kids and goodbyes and what not? Very boring,' Sirius said loftily. 'I was hoping for a much better show.'

'Oh, and what do you and Rowena talk about?' James countered.

Sirius blinked innocently. 'Nothing. That's the idea,' he said coyly.

James rolled his eyes. 'You're insufferable,' he muttered as they stepped back into the dormitories. 'You really are.'

'Criticize all you like, but at the end of the day, what would you rather be doing with Evans? Talking about airplanes, or snogging her?' Sirius said cheekily.

James hurled his pillow at Sirius. 'Both,' he mumbled in spite of himself.

Remus' four poster opened, revealing their very tired looking friend. 'Are you two always like this at this hour? People are trying to study,' he mumbled.

'Study? How about sleep?' Sirius countered. Remus made a face at him.

'Happy Holidays, you lot,' James said as he looked out the window in time to see Lily and McGonagall crossing the courtyard towards the gates of the school. 'Let's make sure we all come back after them.'