Chapter 22: Beer, Nudity, and How To Catch A German
"Germans don't speak in a German accent, they just speak German." - Daniel Day-Lewis
Amelia F. Jones was playing a dangerous game.
She was currently sitting on the roof of Germany's house, decked out in fishing gear, with a fishing pole and a cooler filled with ice cold beers resting beside her.
The moon was high over the city of Munich.
Amelia's boss was out with his peeps, and she had managed to pick the lock of her hotel room with a bendy straw and some tooth floss.
Prussia owed her blood money for that time she helped him capture and shave France.
It was perfect time to go fishing for germans.
Amelia smiled like a cat as she skillfully cut a hole in the tiling of the roof, exposing the inside of the German brothers' home. Yellow light illuminated her face as she peered down into what was apparently the kitchen.
The game was afoot.
Amelia reached into the cooler and lovingly drew out a bottle of "bait." She then tied it to the line of fishing reel attached to her pole, making sure that the knot was secure and that the beer wouldn't slip out accidentally.
When she was sure all was well, and that the chloroform and "smackin' stick" were in their proper position for when she "caught" something, Amelia leaned back and lightly cast her line into the hole in Germany's roof, beer and all.
Now all she had to do was wait.
One minute.
Two minutes.
Three minutes -
"Fuck yeah! A beer!"
Bingo.
All at once, Amelia felt a sharp tug on the line as the bait was seized by the unsuspecting victim below.
"Let it begin!" She screamed, and thus began the epic tug o war between her and the thing on the end of her pole. She reeled with all of her might, yanking and pulling on her pole and the german below her bucked and thrashed, refusing to let go of the beer. It went on for what felt like hours, sweat rolling down her face as she tried desperately to haul in her catch.
Said catch was swearing up a storm.
"Fuck! Come back here beer! You will be consumed by the awesome me whether you like it or not!"
"Oh no you don't! Shit! This is way harder than usual!"
"Why don't you love me, beer!? WHY!?"
Amelia felt that the struggle was slowly dimming as the german accepted his fate. She reeled, and grunted as she felt the man's body lift off the floor and ascend towards the hole in the roof. His grip on the beer was like iron.
"AH!? What the hell is this!?" He cried, flopping in mid air as he rose higher and higher. "Where are you taking me, beer!? Could it be... Am I finally going to the great brewery in the sky!?"
With one final heave, Amelia lifted the german fully out of the house, his white hair gleaming in the moonlight and his red eyes flashing with confusion at the sight of Amelia holding a fishing pole and wearing rubber long johns.
"Okay... the awesome me was not expecting this." Prussia said, blinking.
Amelia grinned. "Yo, Gil!" She said cheerfully, wiping the sweat from her brow. "I was in the neighborhood, thought I'd drop by! I kinda wanted to ask you something."
Prussia, still reeling (ha. pun. ha) from his capture, as well as still clutching his beer in a death grip, blinked, and then slowly nodded. "... Okay?"
"Does this rag smell like chloroform?" Amelia asked innocently as she shoved a white cloth against Prussia's mouth and nose.
Prussia, like the true genius he was, inhaled deeply.
His brain turned to shag carpet.
"Yup." He slurred. "Yup... definitely chloroform... oh wow there's Himmler in a miniskirt."
*thunk*
Prussia hit the deck like a ton of bricks.
America cackled maniacally and quickly hog-tied the former nation. She slung him over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes and leaped batman style off Germany's roof and onto the one next to it.
She grinned into the night.
"Mission accomplished."
"Germany! Germany!"
"Ha. What is it, Italy?"
"Prussia's been kidnapped! I was just in the kitchen because I wanted to make pasta because you know there's never really a BAD time for pasta and I just bought some fresh tomatoes and - "
"Get to the point!"
"I saw Prussia getting wrangled through a hole in the roof like some kind of massive fish! It was terrible! Oh, Germany, what are we going to do ve!?"
"... We have to do something? This kind of thing happens way too often for me to actually have to DO something."
"But Germany- "
"He'll be back by morning. Probably. Either he'll be missing his hair or his organs or something- but he'll be fine."
"... Okay. Can I go make pasta now?"
"You'll do it no matter what I say."
"Pasta~!"
In the morning, Prussia was found suspended naked from a tree in the middle of a children's park.
The words "your debt is paid" painted in what appeared to be cow's blood on his chest.
He was escorted home by the police, where once there he received both a pair of pants and a smack on the head from Germany.
Prussia was all smiles, though.
America had gotten him good this time, and he was planning on returning the favor full-force.
The Code of The Awesome Trio demanded it.
That night, as he scrubbed cow's blood from his pasty flesh, Prussia found himself thinking of all the wonderful ways he could repay the she-nation.
Fire.
Sticks.
Reruns of Lost.
Sure as hell, the next Awesome Trio Meeting was going to be filled with tales of pranking and scandalous arrests.
He just hoped Denmark didn't feel too left out. The nordic would be getting his soon enough.
Just as soon as America got hers.
Chapter Next: MOBY Dick, France, It's MOBY Dick. Not that other thing you were just thinking.
A/N: HOLY SHIT. YOU GUYS. YOU RASCALLY GROUP OF AMAZING SEX BISCUITS. I cannot express my love for you in words. It is too vast. To fully of mushy mushiness to fully convey. You guys have just blown my mind away with your support for this story. You make my heart yay. And props to all ya'll who got the Spongebob reference that was all of last chapter. I was like watching the episode and suddenly I thought... What if America ate that pie? And well, you know the rest. I hope you guys will continue to leave review as well as chapter requests, and I hope that you will continue to give me the amazing support you have been. Until then! - Mikki