Author's Note: Thank you very much for all your reviews and messages.

Chapter Twenty-Five

Maura hadn't made three steps that a wave of bitterness caused her to lean against the wall in order to catch back her breath. She closed her eyes and counted until ten in her head. The baby kicked at six. Maura rested a hand on top of her stomach then she tried to feed herself of her daughter's energy just as D. Whitman had told her to do.

She opened her eyes anew. Slowly.

The emptiness of the room made her feel guilty. January was just at the corner and she hadn't even bought the slightest thing for the nursery yet. As a matter of fact, she hadn't even thought about it. The superhero cape that Jane had bought at the start of Maura's pregnancy was hanging on the wall emphasizing even more the emptiness of the nursery. It was a disaster.

Maura was taken aback by her own behavior. She didn't understand what was going on. At this stage of a pregnancy, every single future mother thought about nothing but the baby. The nursery. The clothes. Every single one but Maura. She hadn't even decided on a name yet and it drove her crazy.

Her procrastination was terrible because her pregnancy wasn't a classic one. She had had to get injections in order to get it, she had had to fight for it. Yet she didn't bring it justice right now. Absolutely not.

"It looks strange without furniture inside."

Maura nodded but she didn't say anything back. Jane was right but the truth was that Maura didn't even know what kind of furniture she wanted for her daughter now that she had got rid of the old one. Even if she tried to focus on her post-pregnancy life, nothing worked out. Her brain shut down and she was left with very blurry ideas.

She had planned the IVF, the scientific part of her pregnancy. Not the human one. And now that she was getting closer and closer to it, she didn't know what to do anymore. She was good at science, not at building life.

"Are you okay?"

Of course, Jane felt Maura's discomfort within a second. Her partner's traits were dark, and deep. The smile that usually made her eyes glimmer had vanished. Maura didn't look happy at all. On the contrary. She looked confused and worried.

"Do you think I'm going to be a good mother?"

As much as the question was honest, Maura knew that Jane's answer would be politically correct. Just as she knew that said question was cliché. It wasn't her fault though if she had the feeling to be floating in an ocean of doubts right now. Maura didn't know anything anymore, at the worst moment ever. Her reaction didn't make sense. Jane had filled the papers to become a co-parent, Hope was thrilled by the pregnancy. Everything was going fine.

Yet Maura didn't manage to get rid of this heavy feeling that was weighing on her shoulders and it was extremely frustrating.

"No. You're gonna be awful. I'm glad you're mentioning it now 'cause I was worried it'd never cross your mind. It's not too late. Let's give Little M back to the lab. C'mon, I take you there and then we celebrate with Margarita's."

Maura's hazel eyes widened in fear until it hit her that Jane was simply jocking. Alright, perhaps her partner's answer had surprised her and it hadn't been as sweet as she had expected it to be but the message Jane wanted to pass was exactly the same though: she didn't have any doubt when Maura had plenty of them.

"I mean it, Jane." Maura glanced at Jane way too furtively for Jane to notice it. She focused back on the white wall in front of her almost immediately. She needed to focus on a neutral spot. "What if I've made the biggest mistake of my life when getting this IVF? I don't know the slightest thing about parenting, I don't have what we could call role models. I don't have a base, a steady one. I could fail... Except in my downfall, I'd drag down with me a child who never asked for anything."

The darkness of her comment caused Maura to bow her head. She didn't understand what was going on. She had woken up feeling happy and light. Memories of Christmas were still warming up her heart and everything was going fine. Just fine.

Then it had collapsed like a house of cards the moment she had stepping into the nursery-to-be.

Jane's lips brushed her shoulder. Maura felt them in spite of the layers of clothes that she was wearing. The touch burnt. Lovingly. Maura liked furtive kisses.

"It's normal to have plenty of doubts, Maura. Especially now as it looks more and more concrete but... You're gonna rock. And you're not alone. I'm here. The fact you're worried you may do harm to Little M proves you have what it takes to be the good mother you think you can't be. It's instinctive. You have it."

"We need to buy furniture. What if I give birth prematurely? Look at this room." Maura showed the empty nursery. "There's nothing in there. We're not ready at all. We don't even have basics... We don't have clothes. Yet how are we supposed to buy clothes for someone we've never seen? We don't know what she looks like. Nobody does, actually."

Jane bit the inside of her cheek in order to not burst out laughing. There was something very sweet in Maura's panic. She worried for details that had very little importance in the end. Jane knew it, and that was the reason why she felt relaxed in spite of Maura's current state of mind.

"She doesn't even have a name."

"See!" Maura missed the sarcasm in Jane's remark. She turned around to look at her partner this time. "I'm so done looking for a name. I... I swear I've read this baby names book over and over – I've even made research online – and yet... I'm unable to come up with a name. It's a nightmare. Just pick one, Jane. Come on."

Jane laughed lightly. She had hoped for a quieter day off. As a matter of fact, she had planned on taking Maura to Boston Common for a walk and a waffle. Obviously Maura wasn't ready to go out. She had other things in mind right now and the biggest one was how to reach a top level of stress for absolutely no reason.

"How come someone who loves fantasizing so much about weddings and such doesn't have a baby name in head?"

Maura walked to the window in order to look down at the street. The sidewalks were white as it was snowing anew. They matched the trees, the sky. Boston had turned into an all-white world.

"Because we're not in a fantasy anymore. This is reality, Jane. And reality has very little to do with a ridiculous child's dream." Two children walked down the street. Maura observed them until they disappeared from her sight. They were probably going to the park. "Is there a name you like? You're going to be her mother as well, after all. I don't see why this is a decision I should take all by myself."

"Well..." Jane felt quite relieved to finally be able to allude to something that Maura had avoided at all cost until now. They were making a step into the right direction. She shrugged. "I have one, actually."

Maura had to admit that Jane's honest answer surprised her a lot. Thus she turned around and leaned against the wall to look at her partner. A tiny smile of hope played on her lips. Perhaps it was Jane who had the key to something that drove Maura insane.

"Which one?"

Jane shrugged anew. She looked aside and began to twist her hands. Her nervousness was showing even if the only person in the room was the one she loved the most in her life. The one she trusted the most as well.

"I ahem... Well... I don't know." Jane shook her head. It was a bad idea, she could feel it. Chances were that Maura was either going to mock her or not like it. Both scenarios were disastrous. "Never mind, forget it."

"What?! No. Come on..." Maura could have walked to Jane in order to squeeze her hand tightly but she felt like keeping the relative distance they now had between the two of them was wiser. A little voice in her head told her that it was what Jane wanted. "It can't be that bad. Please, tell me."

Jane cleared her voice. She made an aimless step towards the superhero cape but then she froze immediately. She was standing in the middle of the empty room, on her own. All of a sudden, she had the feeling to be back at school presenting some science project to classmates who couldn't care less. The reminiscence wasn't sweet at all.

"Camille." Jane swallowed hard. She wasn't sure Maura had heard her rather inaudible whisper. "I kinda like Camille. Not... Not Camilla but Camille."

"The French name. Yes..." Maura gave Jane a nod in order to comfort her. "I got it." She paused, a tad perplexed. "I'm surprised it's not an Italian name."

Jane rolled her eyes but her laughter let Maura understand that she didn't take the remark badly. On the contrary. The timidity that had wrapped her up still had to go but at least now she dared to look up at her partner properly.

Confessing the name she liked wasn't easy because it was something very personal and – for some reason – it made Jane feel vulnerable. She hated it. She hated it when her shield seemed to suddenly disappear and she was left with nothing but her soul to show.

"I'm fine with my roots, Maura, but I'm not obsessed with them. Besides, I don't even have an Italian name myself."

Fair point.

"Why Camille? It's... Unusual. Where does that come from?"

Camille Rizzoli-Isles. Camille Isles-Rizzoli. Maura had to admit that she liked it, and that it seemed to fit. It sounded sweet and the fact it was a French name would probably please her mother as well.

"I used to have a book as a child that told the story of a butterfly. And the butterfly was named Camille. I don't know... I just liked it and I still do. I like the way it sounds. But you don't have to choose it, you know. It was just an idea. Just an old stuff like that."

Maura finally closed the distance that separated her from Jane. She cupped her partner's face to force her to look into her eyes. The moment Jane did, Maura smiled and brought their intertwined fingers to her stomach.

"Bubble gives me butterflies whenever I look at you. Maybe it's her way of telling me that she's named Camille. It's not ridiculous, Jane. I like it."

Jane blushed.

"Maybe."