Highland Days
by Rob Morris
Renaissance; Reformation;
Highland Days
Civil War; Restoration;
Highland Days
Queen Anne; King George;
Highland Days
Millennium; You And My Chums;
Ready To Take The Prize
I Am Imoooortallll; There Can Be Only One; I Have Inside Me Blood Of Kings;
I'm her boyfriend; She's My Stead; I'm gonna give her all my bread; Then when all but two are dead; I'll Be The One To Take Her Head;
This World Is Ours; Won't You Be Mine;
These Are Such Highland Days!
STARRING
Stan Howard as Richie Cunningham
Adrian Winkler as Arthur Macarelli
Peter Bosley as Methos Cunningham
Tracey Ross as Cassandra Cunningham
Elizabeth Moran as Amanda Cunningham
Anson Daltrey as Potsie Fitzcairn
Donnie Most as Ralph Malph ( Hey, he did it so welll )
( Our scene opens with dinner at the Cunningham home; Cassandra is getting off the phone )
Cass : Ok, Connor. Thanks for calling.
Methos : So is your mother coming?
Cass : Nooo...Connor says the Kurgan took her....I wonder how he found
her hiding place?
( We see a secret grin on Methos' face behind the paper )
( Richie and Amanda come down stairs )
Amanda : Mom---Did Chachi call?
Cass : No, dear---he got on Kronos Berufi's bad side, I'm afraid.
Richie : What other side of Berufi is there? I should talk to The Mac
about challenging him.
Aman : So Chachi's dead. Hey, Rich--you wanna go out? I'll let you get
to second.
Rich : Third.
Aman : I'll let you see second.
Rich : Deal
( They walk off, and Cass shakes her head )
Cass : You know, Methos?
Methos : No, what dear?
Cass : I sometimes wish we were all related by blood--that way I could
forbid them to go out. By the way---where's my present?
Methos : ( nervous ) What present?
Cass : ( Gets up, huffy ) Oh, You Men!
( Begins To Cry ) This Is The Anniversary Of The Day You Burned Down My
Village And Kidnapped Me! A Woman Remembers These Dates."
( She runs upstairs )
Methos : I'm So Insensitive.
( A Motorcycle bursts in, taking out the front door; It is Arthur
Macarelli; The Mac)
Mac : Aaaaayy, Mister C. How is my favorite Immortal family?
( Methos Looks at door )
Methos : Drafty.
Mac : (Mock-punches him in the side of the head) Oh, you are such a
kidder, Mister C. Where is Richie and Short-Eyes?
Methos : You mean Shortcake?
Mac : Aaayy, the woman dates her own younger brother---I think I was
right the first time!
Methos : Its a 50's family, Mac. We call it straight-breeding.
Mac : So where is our coupled couple?
Methos : Down At Joe's.
Mac : JOE'S? But I'm havin' a rumble with Kronos Berufi down there. Hey,
Mister C - do you know Berufi?
Methos : ( nervous ) Uh, No.
Mac : I cannot concieve of anything lower than Kronos Berufi!
( Silas and Caspian walk in )
S + C : Hello!
Caspian : We're supposed to like, Kill You, and bring your head to
Kronos--and then grab a pizza on the way back.
Silas : Yeah, No Anchovies.
Mac : I Do Not Think So!
( Snaps his fingers; Silas and Caspian's heads pop off; Methos stares
dumbly )
Mac : Its A Gift.
( Mac takes off for Joe's through the kitchen, taking out that door,
too)
Methos : My Heating Bill!
Cass : Methos? I'm feeling frisky!
Methos : ( Grins) So, we freeze.
( Switch to Joe's; The Band finishes playing )
Rich : Potsie, do you always have to smash your guitar? They're
expensive.
Potsie Fitzcairn : Oh, Yeah? Well, one day -- people will pay to see me
smash my guitar!
Ralph Malph : He's a great guitarist--but he's still such a Potsie!
( Kronos Berufi comes in )
K : Don't nobody move! Me and The Mac got business to settle.
( From the bathroom, his 'office', still on the motorcycle, is The Mac )
Mac : Hey, I Am Right Here, Kronos-- How's every little thing?
( The lights begin to strobe )
K : You'll never be able to tell who's comin and who goin', Macarelli!
Mac : Hey, I Know Who's Goin', Berufi!
( The lights fading and flashing, The Mac keeps his cool; Kronos comes
at him seemingly from all directions; Finally, Mac finds his heart )
K : I Am The End Of Rock And Roll!
Mac : Rock and Roll Will Never Die---You, On The Other Hand--"
( Takes his head; Mac is exhausted by the Quickening; Wearing his own
motorcycle helmet, Mac sees Richie )
Helmeted figure : Hey, Mac, I......
( By instinct, The Mac takes his head, too He realizes his horrible
error)
Mac : Richie.....RICHIE!!!!!!
Richie : What's Up Mac?
Mac : Rich---you're alive!
( Smiles and pshaws him )
Richie : Course I am, Mac.
Mac : Then who's that?
Richie : Oh. Well, you killed Ralph Malph.
Mac : Malph? ( Smiles ) Aaaaayyyy!!!!
( Leaving Ralph behind, all the friends walk out )
( Joe Dawson Comes out of the kitchen, looks around at the dead bodies
and quickening-chaos )
JD : Yep, Yep, Yep, Yep, Yep, Yep, Yep Yep!
THESE ARE SUCH HIGHLAND DAYS!!!