A/N: Special thanks to my beta for continuing to be so awesome and helping me out with this story! :)
Chapter 25: I'll Be There
Quinn couldn't imagine what Santana might be feeling right now.
Strike that.
She knew exactly what Santana was feeling.
All she had to do was imagine that someone said that to her about Rachel and Finn. In fact, hadn't she heard it a hundred times since the two of them started dating over the summer? She tried not to let it hurt back then, pretended that whatever pain it was that squeezed her chest was just a remnant of her feelings for Finn. It never worked completely. Quinn was a good liar, very good, so good she had herself convinced sometimes, but there were moments…just moments…when the truth would slip through.
That's why, as furious as she was with Santana Lopez for trying to get into Rachel's head like that, she also felt an overwhelming amount of sympathy for the girl. If Santana even felt an ounce for Brittany what Quinn felt for Rachel - and she knew she did - then having someone fling that in your face would cut deeper than the bone. She knew all too well what it was like to see the girl you love with someone else and be too terrified to ever admit the truth, to think that she could never love you way you wanted, rather the way you needed, her to.
"Hey…" she said, carefully approaching the Latina at her locker. "How's it going?"
Santana didn't buy it for a second. "What do you want, Q?" she snapped.
Quinn sighed, relinquishing any hope of easing into it. "I know what you said to Rachel."
"And?" Santana never looked away from her locker, still searching for something.
"I know what she said to you."
She was startled by the loud bang from Santana slamming the metal door shut.
"Get to the point! I have better things to do with my time than stand around here chatting about the glorified sideshow freak you're hooking up with."
She let that one go with some difficulty. Santana was looking to get a rise out of her, but like hell Quinn was going to give her what she wanted that easily.
"Look, the only reason I'm not tearing that ridiculous weave out of your head right now is because Rachel was wrong to say what she did."
"That thing talks so much I never hear a word it says anymore. It's just a bunch of white noise. So no worries." Santana shrugged uncaringly before stepping back, looking like she was about to walk away.
"What happened?"
The Latina stopped in her tracks, looking around everywhere except at Quinn.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"We were okay, I thought we settled it. And then you pulled a stunt like that! Did you think I was going to let it go? I warned you about going near Rachel! Why did you have to be so-"
Then something clicked in her head.
"Did something happen with Brittany?"
"Bri- No! Nothing," she stammered awkwardly, "just shut up. I swear Berry must be contagious."
Of course…
It all made sense now.
"Santana…" she said softly, "I told you…we're friends. You can talk to me."
"There's nothing to talk about!" she replied shrilly.
"Then why are you acting like there is?"
"Just leave me alone!"
"Not when you're like this," Quinn retorted firmly. "Something is going on with you and Brittany, I can tell. And don't even think about lying. We've all been friends since first grade, I know you too well. Now, what happened?"
Santana fell against the lockers heavily. She was gritting her teeth so fiercely, Quinn worried she might break her jaw. Then she saw the tears brimming.
"What is it?" she whispered, leaning in with her hand on her friend's shoulder. Santana didn't shrug her off, so she took that as a good sign. "Hey…S…"
"I sang to her."
Quinn could have sworn that's what she said, but it was so quiet, she barely heard it.
"You what?"
"I sang to Brittany," she admitted miserably. "I-I sang 'Landslide' for her when we were alone. That stupid assignment of Mr. Schue's put the idea in my head. God, I hate that sweater vest puke excuse for a teacher. It's all his fault! And yours!"
"What are you talking about? What did she say?"
Santana turned on her venomously. "I told her how I really felt. I told her that I was in love with her, just like you said I should. Only, you were wrong, Q, she doesn't want me. She blew me off for the cripple. Are you happy now?"
"Oh, Santana…"
"Don't even try!" She shoved Quinn away. "This is all your damn fault anyway. If I hadn't been so stupid to actually listen to you when you were spouting that stupid lovey dovey crap about Berry, I wouldn't be in this hellhole! Everything would be fine! I'd probably even be hanging out with Britts tonight! Instead, I-I can't even look at her without feeling like I'm dy…"
Her voice cracked and Quinn wanted so badly to hug her, but hugging an angry Santana Lopez was like trying to hug a rattlesnake.
"Everything was fine until you had to sleep with the enemy and now it's all screwed up!" she spat bitterly. "We're done, Q. I'm keeping my side of things, don't you worry your pretty little blonde head about it. No one will find out about your new bed buddy from me, but don't think for a second we're anything close to being friends. And if I were you, I'd watch my back."
Quinn sighed heavily as Santana walked away, squeezing her books to her chest tightly as she tried to process the conversation that just occurred. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught Brittany standing a few feet away. The taller blonde met her gaze sadly for a moment before she walked away too.
Quinn couldn't believe this was happening.
Rachel didn't even fully understand at first why it was that Santana's words had affected her so profoundly. She knew in her heart of hearts that Quinn would never do such a thing to her. She trusted that what they had was real. She did!
But there were so many cracks in the armor of their relationship right now, so many places for doubt to slip its way through and break the whole. Santana found one and she used it. What was Rachel to Quinn if not a filthy little secret tucked away in dark corners and beneath the sheets? For all that she tried to accept their current situation, thoughts like those could not be held at bay. Rachel had faith, but her faith was not unshakable.
She didn't even understand why she was pushing Quinn away as she had. Only that seeing the blonde brought back Santana's mocking words to echo in her head. Rachel was so turned around, she could hardly see what was in front of her. All those doubts, the fears, the nagging dark thoughts that lurked in the wings whenever Quinn denied her in public, whenever she saw Sam take Quinn's hand, they came bursting through in a tidal wave of emotion.
Then Quinn pulled her out.
Rachel had thought she was coping so well with having to hide their relationship, even managing Sam's presence, but she was wrong. She'd only been holding on by a thread and all it took was a little nudge from Santana to bring it all down on her.
But what Quinn said to her that night…it changed everything.
More than ever Rachel found a reason to believe in them, in their future, in their happiness. She'd faltered, and she may very well falter again, but this time she knew Quinn would be there to save them again, just as she would be there for Quinn. They would save each other until the time came where saving was no longer needed.
There would be a time. She knew that now.
She'd always harbored that sickening fear that Quinn only saw her as temporary and that Rachel was a way to pass the time in Lima. She feared that she was only…a phase, a phase where Quinn was able to safely explore her sexual appetite without having to reap any consequences.
Rachel felt ill for ever having such terrible thoughts about Quinn's motives. She couldn't help but think those terrible things sometimes, but she also didn't fault Quinn for it either. They were just struggling to make it through this together right now. She knew that the more secure she felt in their relationship, the sooner those thoughts would disappear. Until then, she was pressed to find more faith than she'd ever thought she possessed.
But the way Quinn held her, the way she had spoken to her, her voice so raw, her eyes so honest and filled with pain, it pushed the thoughts away and barred them behind a locked iron gate. They weren't gone, but they wouldn't be so easily released again.
After that, she knew she was going to have to try much harder to understand the mystery behind Quinn Fabray, to pay better attention, because that was the only way they were ever going to make it through.
She hoped Quinn wasn't too upset with her for the dispute with Santana. She felt just as guilty as she was sure Quinn was disappointed. If she didn't think that the Latina would knock her teeth down her throat, Rachel would have gone to apologize. Instead, she'd have to wait and see what Quinn came back with. There had to be a way to fix this. Why was there so much animosity brewing these months when instead it should be just the opposite? She couldn't make sense of it.
Quinn came into the choir room just then, clearly upset about something. Rachel didn't know if it was because she was still angry with her or if the discussion with Santana hadn't gone over too well. It was probably both. But Quinn sat down next to Rachel without a word and she knew that the blonde couldn't be very mad at her if she was still choosing to be next to her. They didn't get a chance to talk because Mr. Schuester was already starting the lesson as a few stragglers were still making their way in. Brittany and Artie were the last to find their seats. Rachel noticed, with some confusion, that Quinn was scrutinizing the two with a severe frown. She would have to ask her girlfriend about it later.
She also noticed that Santana was absent.
It was Sam's turn that day to perform for Mr. Schue's 'express your deeper feelings' assignment. Quinn was still staring at Artie and Brittany in the front row while they were completely unaware. Rachel watched Sam questioningly as he made his way to the middle of the floor. He had purposely hid his song selection from her, which prompted endless inquiries on her part. The fact that he was hiding it from her, of course, only piqued Rachel Berry's intense curiosity all the more. These days, Sam always talked to her about music. Now she was completely in the dark, and while a part of her was intrigued, the other was painfully annoyed that she was out of the loop.
It didn't get any better when Puck stood up as well, standing further back, and slung his guitar strap over his shoulder. Tina was up too, then Brittany, then Mercedes!
Rachel gaped in amazement that Sam was able to recruit all of these people for his assignment without her ever catching wind of it.
Tina handed Sam his guitar, and he nodded gratefully to her, before going to stand off to the side next to Brittany and Mercedes.
"I want everyone to know that this song really means a lot to me, especially because of the person I'm singing it for." He slipped the guitar strap over his head and smiled directly at Quinn who was finally paying attention. She looked slightly bewildered, which was far more contained than Rachel's open astonishment.
"Quinn, I know I've told you this before, but sometimes people need to hear it a hundred times over and in a thousand different ways before they can believe it. So…I hope you believe it, because I mean it more than you'll ever know."
Quinn frowned at first and tilted her head to the side, but then she smiled softly, closing her eyes with a chuckle. Rachel shifted uncomfortably in her chair, her chest constricting at the intimate exchange between the two of them. She should be used to this sort of thing by now, but she was starting to understand that it was impossible for her to ever fully accept this - and that she never should.
"Oh, and thanks to the guys back here for helping me out." He jerked his thumb towards the girls and Puck.
The band began to play while Sam and Puck joined with their guitars. Most people in the group knew the song within a few seconds of the music starting. Sam grinned up at Quinn and sang:
"You and I must make a pact, we must bring salvation back.
Where there is love, I'll be there."
The three girls joined in as backup vocals. "I'll be there."
"I'll reach out my hand to you, I'll have faith in all you do.
Just call my name and I'll be there."
Rachel gripped the seat beneath her so tightly it hurt when Puck stepped up beside Sam to sing a solo part, his gaze on Quinn as well. She was watching them both carefully.
"I'll be there to comfort you.
Build my world of dreams around you; I'm so glad that I found you."
His smile, his oddly sad demeanor, everything screamed of an intimacy between him and Quinn that made Rachel feel sick to her stomach.
"I'll be there with a love that's strong.
I'll be your strength, I'll keep holding on."
Puck stepped back, letting Sam take over again. Quinn was swaying gently beside Rachel. She could feel her moving, but couldn't bear to look at her. The boys held her focus right now, two boys who shared something with Quinn that Rachel never would. Yes, she had it better than them. She had Quinn's love. But Puck and Sam…they held pieces of her that Rachel would never have. That was the way life worked of course, but it still hurt more than anything. Sam was singing again, playing his guitar lightly, glowing as he never took his eyes off Quinn, his smile never faltering.
"Let me fill your heart with joy and laughter.
Togetherness," he shrugged with a playful wink, "well that's all I'm after."
Quinn snorted and shook her head laughingly. Rachel could swear her heart broke a little more at that.
"Whenever you need me, I'll be there.
I'll be there to protect you, with an unselfish love that respects you,
Just call my name and I'll be there,"
Then Sam's tone changed, if only just for a moment. Rachel heard it so clearly. It was a good thing she was sitting next to Quinn because she knew, without a doubt, that Sam had turned his eyes to her. No one else would notice the subtle shift in his gaze, but she could feel it.
"If you should ever find someone new,
I know he'd better be good to you.
'Cause if he doesn't, I'll be there."
The seriousness of his tone, the eyes clamped on Rachel in fierce challenge, vanished into lightheartedness once again and he turned away to dance a little bit in the middle of the room. He swayed over towards the girls and then made a jump to strum alongside Puck.
"Don't you know, baby, yeah yeah.
I'll be there, I'll be there!
Just call my name, I'll be there!"
He came back again to face the rest of the group and moved as close to Quinn as possible on the risers, so close that Artie actually had to roll back to let him through. Quinn never took her eyes off him. When Rachel finally let herself see her girlfriend's face, she saw unshed tears and a brilliant smile. At that moment, she wanted nothing more than to run out on that god-awful situation, away from this suffocating school, and far, far away from Lima.
"Don't you know, baby, yeah yeah.
I'll be there! I'll be there!
Just call my name…I'll be there."
Sam played the last note with a quiet strum and everyone rose to their feet, clapping, cheering, slapping him on the back. Sam gave Quinn a knowing look and held out his hand. Quinn gave it to him without hesitation and he kissed her knuckles with a smile. She took her hand back and instead pulled him into a bear hug.
Rachel didn't get to hear it over the chatter from the rest of the Glee club, but she knew Quinn whispered "thank you" in the boy's ear.
To make matters worse, she stepped down to find Puck who was putting away his guitar and hugged him too. They talked to each other quietly, Quinn with reverence, Puck with sadness.
Then it was over and Glee was dismissed for the day.
Rachel heard him running after her, but she didn't want to stop. She just wanted to get the hell away from that room and everyone in it. She didn't even say anything to Quinn before she left, just slipping out before anyone noticed.
Except one person did notice.
Sam put his hands on her shoulders, gently pulling her to a halt. She spun around with a fierce glare. He sighed and put his hands in his pockets, not having to ask why she was upset.
"He was the only choice I had to sing that part, Rachel. I wasn't about to ask Finn."
"Kurt or Artie would have been perfectly adequate substitutions for Noah," she tossed back.
Sam gave her a look and she knew she was beat. Neither of them had the right sound for the song. She wrapped her arms around herself tightly, even more annoyed that she couldn't even argue with Sam about this.
"He's always going to have a piece of her. You know that. Can't change what they went through together. They're tied, whether they like it or not."
How did he know? How did he know to break through to the very core of her feelings? Was it some sort of gift he had? She hated it sometimes. And others… No, she hated it then too.
"How can you bear it?" she asked after a while, unable to meet his eyes.
"I deal with you, don't I?"
Rachel sighed. Her anger was dissipating more and more by the second as they stood there.
"I'll never hurt her," she said quietly, thinking back to his unspoken, rather sung, warning.
Sam watched her for a moment. "You have the power to do that, you know? You could really…break her." He shook his head. "I love Quinn too much to see that happen."
Rachel wondered, with some incredulity, about how she was yet again being told that Quinn was the one more at risk of heartbreak between the two. It sounded so wrong.
"Never," she promised. It was all she could think to say. "I could never."
He sighed and licked his lips, silently acknowledging their truce once again.
"I am sorry about Puck," he said with a knowing glance. "I didn't do it to rub it in your face or anything. He just… He was right for it, you know? I wanted Quinn to see…" he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, "that she has other people who care too. She never seems to understand that."
He was right again. So…infuriatingly…right. She really did hate it.
Rachel took a deep breath as the memory of that performance a few minutes ago forced itself back into the forefront.
"It hurts…" she rasped, "knowing that they…"
"I get it," Sam replied kindly. "Really. I get it. Do you ever talk to Quinn about it?"
"It's…a sore subject with her," she said tentatively, but followed it up with a quick reassurance. "Understandably, though!"
He nodded and they walked in silence for a few moments. Then Sam wrapped his arm around her shoulder and kissed the top of her head.
"Someday," he told her quietly.
Rachel leaned into his embrace and reciprocated by slipping her arm round his waist with a sigh. He really was a good friend.
Then a sickly sense of foreboding managed to sneak its way in for a fleeting moment.
What was this all going to do to them?
As quickly as it came, the feeling disappeared and she was back in the real world again with Sam's arm around her.
"That seems to be all I ever have. Someday."
"Better than never."
She looked up at him sadly. It was pity and Sam knew it. He shook his head.
"Don't do that. I happen to have a pretty freaking awesome life right now. Best rep in school, first-string on the football team, co-captain of the Glee club, two gorgeous girls to hang out with all the time, and definitely no lack of action in the romance department. I'm doing just fine."
"You amaze me, Sam Evans." She rolled her eyes.
"Right back 'atcha."
After the hubbub died down from Sam's performance, all the girls cooing about how sweet Sam was, Puck acting all nonchalant about his part in it, Mr. Schue praising everything about it, Quinn finally got a chance to look for Rachel, but she wasn't even in the choir room anymore. She saw Sam come back in and was surprised. When did he manage to slip out?
"Where's Rachel?"
"She went home."
He didn't have to say any more than that.
Quinn called her as soon as she was alone, but Rachel acted as though everything was fine. She explained that she left so quickly because her Dad was in the parking lot waiting to pick her up. Quinn told her that her that she wouldn't be able to come over that night, but before she could explain why or say anything else, Rachel cut her off with a breathless ramble. She praised Sam's performance, said some things about how, if she had been involved, she would have tweaked this and that to really get the best sound possible. But it was an admirable performance all the same; then she excused herself quickly and said that she would talk to Quinn tomorrow.
Quinn didn't even get a chance to say good night.
The next day went along as it usually did, but there was a something off between them. Both girls knew it. When the day was over, Rachel asked Quinn to go with her to the auditorium and Quinn was relieved because that meant that they would finally have the chance to talk about what happened yesterday.
She knew it couldn't have been easy for Rachel to witness Sam and Puck singing to her like that. In fact, had she been in Rachel's place, she would have handled it far, far worse. Still, she wanted to clear the air about the whole thing.
"I'm sorry I couldn't come over last night," she said as they made their way into the auditorium, down the aisle.
"It's okay." Rachel shook her head.
"It's just, my Mom really wanted to have dinner together, and have, ugh," she made a face, "quality time because we're never really home at the same time these days."
"Quinn, really," the brunette glanced up at her with a tight lipped smile, "don't worry about it. I understand."
They were walking up the stairs to the stage now, Quinn stepped back to let Rachel go first.
"I know yesterday upset you," she blurted. The words she had been holding on her tongue all day long finally escaped. "That thing in Glee club, Sam's song… I'm sorry. They weren't trying to do anything like win me over or something stupid like that; it was just...nice." She swallowed thickly. "It really meant a lot to me. B-but I understand how it would-"
Rachel turned around, frowning.
"What are you sorry for, exactly?"
The other girl didn't seem prepared for that question as she stammered through a few starts and stops before giving up altogether.
"I don't know?" She shrugged helplessly. "I feel guilty."
"You feel sad because it upset me, not because you have anything to be sorry for."
"Rach-"
"It hurt," she admitted, lowering her head, "a lot actually. But it's no one's fault. I can't blame you for having a past, Quinn, or for having a connection, a-a deep connection with other people. I'm just selfish. I don't want to share you. Any part of you. I realize that's entirely irrational and unfair, but-"
This time Quinn interrupted her.
"I know what you mean," she said softly. "I feel that way every time I see you and Finn in the same room or even when you just laugh at one of Puck's dumb jokes. You shared something with them; you still share it. The past never goes away, even if we want it to."
"I know you love me," Rachel said suddenly. "I know I'm the one you want and not them."
"Do you really?" she pressed, searching for some sign of doubt, some reason that Rachel needed reassurance, but none was there.
"Yes," Rachel replied firmly. "But Sam…and Noah…" she choked on Puck's name, "they have something with you I can never have. I was jealous. I still am. I-I have to work on that."
"But you know that there's nothing I feel for them beyond platonic-"
"I know."
It sounded more convincing that time so Quinn sighed and gave her a smile before letting the subject drop altogether. She wanted so badly to be able to at least hug her, wanted even more to kiss her. Those full lips were just begging for her attention, but they were both acutely aware that they were not alone. The Audio-Visual club was backstage working on Prom decorations. Even if it looked like they weren't paying attention, the girls knew better than to risk it. Rachel nodded towards the piano, urging Quinn to follow, which of course she did.
"Are you sure you still want to go to Prom?" she asked as Rachel seated herself on the bench.
"Of course!" she insisted, bristling as if the mere idea of doing otherwise offended her. "Kurt bailing on me as my date hardly affects that decision!"
"For Blaine Anderson, star of the Warblers." Quinn shook her head disappointedly. "I told him he shouldn't get involved with the competition. Learn from your mistakes."
"You mean my mistakes," Rachel huffed.
She lifted her eyebrow. "That's what I said: your mistakes."
The brunette stuck her tongue out at her and Quinn only smiled.
Rachel tried to focus on the sheet music in front of her, but had a difficult time concentrating. Her girlfriend was infuriatingly adorable sometimes.
Mostly just adorable.
Always beautiful.
Other people would say that Quinn was also scary. Finn said it; Noah said it. She was sure even Santana said it at some point, but in all the years Rachel knew her, she was never once afraid of Quinn Fabray. She should have been. All the taunts, the threats, the slushie facials, the seemingly never-ending barrage of humiliation… But she never thought of Quinn as scary.
And now she knew why. Actually, she'd always known why. She was just too scared of herself to believe it.
Rachel shook her head. "Date possibilities aside, I need you to listen to one of my carefully selected song choices for Prom and give me your feedback. Seeing as how we're the entertainment, I need to make sure I cater to my audience."
"You mean another one of your choices. I've heard five of them already."
Rachel ignored her. "Just tell me if I was brilliant or simply outstanding."
Giggling, Quinn lifted herself up onto the piano.
"What's this one?"
"I felt an Adele song would be suitable seeing as h-how…" Rachel trailed off distractedly.
Quinn had slid herself closer to Rachel and swung her legs around to perch her heels on the edge of the piano and leaned back on her hands. Her knees, which were directly at Rachel's eye level, parted ever so slightly. A deep flush started to spread throughout her body.
Of course she was wearing a dress today. Did Quinn ever wear pants?
No.
Almost never.
And, for that, she thanked God every day.
"Q-Quinn, what are you doing?" she managed to get out hoarsely.
Her mind was taken over by a fiercely visceral image of her shoving Quinn's legs open and burying her mouth…
Stop it!
The blonde gazed down at her curiously. "Uh…waiting to hear you sing?"
Right.
Singing.
Well, it was a good thing she didn't actually need to play the piano because Quinn was blocking any attempt of that.
"You're trying to distract me!" she said accusingly.
Quinn smirked ever so slightly, the innocent façade starting to fall.
"What would I do that for?" She let her legs fall open a tantalizing little bit more, much to Rachel's delight and consternation.
The urge was growing so strong, she didn't think she'd be able to hold on much longer. Only the people behind them were serving as a barrier to Rachel right now. She couldn't stop picturing herself between Quinn's thighs, making her cry her name again and again.
There was music, the most glorious experience in the world that could infuse the soul and then there was the way Quinn Fabray sounded when she was at Rachel's mercy…the breathy moans…the pleading…the sharp cries…groans of pleasure…sobbing for release…
Rachel couldn't decide which was better.
Never in a million years would she have thought she'd have to make a decision like that, that it would even be a possibility! It was simply inconceivable!
Now with Quinn Fabray in her life like this… possibilities suddenly became endless.
"Come on! I'm not waiting around all day for this."
Wait? Waiting for what? Did she really want…
Rachel looked up in a panic at her expectant girlfriend who was simply watching her with an odd look.
Singing! Remember? You're supposed to be singing! That's why you're here…in the auditorium…on stage…to sing!
The corners of Quinn's mouth turned up ever so slightly. She knew oh so very well what she was doing and relished every moment of it.
Annoyed, Rachel glowered at her, but she couldn't help looking back between Quinn's legs, unconsciously licking her lips at the very clear view she had of her girlfriend's panties. They were sky blue.
She always had a way of spinning Rachel off into the clouds…
"Quinn!" she pleaded.
The blonde sighed exaggeratedly, as though put upon, and swung her legs back around dutifully. Instead, she lay down on her stomach atop the piano, using her elbows for support. She crossed her ankles in the air and swung them back and forth lightly as she waited. This wasn't much better because now her breasts were spilling out right before Rachel. That creamy white, silky smooth, mouth watering flesh displayed before her and all she could think of was…
No!
Quinn would not win this battle of the wills! Not if she had anything to say about it!
So Rachel cleared her throat, somehow managed to find the strength to tear her eyes away from that utterly delicious sight, and took a deep breath before starting to sing.
"There's a fire starting in my heart,
Reaching a fever pitch, and it's bringing me out the dark."
Quinn smiled serenely as she listened to her girlfriend. No one could ever make her feel the things Rachel did when she sang. It went deeper than anything, deeper, higher, and all around her. She could feel her spirits lifting, rising almost to a point of giddiness. Rachel could do anything to her with just that voice alone.
Quinn was so enraptured that she never saw what was coming. She let her guard down and she was damned. Bad things always happened when she did that.
Another voice had joined in from further away.
A strong voice.
A beautiful voice.
A male voice.
Quinn and Rachel snapped up to see Jesse St. James up by the doors to the auditorium.
"Finally I can see you crystal clear,
Go ahead and sell me out and I'll lay your ship bare.
See how I'll leave with every piece of you.
Don't underestimate the things that I will do."
Quinn didn't notice, but Rachel did. The blonde literally growled. The decorating committee had unfathomably decided it was appropriate to join in and harmonize with the rat demon bastard. Quinn spun around and glared at them so frighteningly that they immediately shut up, dropped their tools, and hightailed it out of there, rolling the giant star with them.
Of course, that didn't stop Jesse. He kept singing like Rachel was the only one in the room. The people backstage didn't exist as they loudly, recklessly, made their escape. The school didn't exist.
Quinn didn't exist.
"There's a fire starting in my heart,
Reaching a fever pitch, and it's bringing me out the dark.
The scars of your love remind me of us.
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all."
Three steps and she could probably choke the life out of him…
Yes, she was legitimately considering it.
Rachel still hadn't said a word. In fact, she hadn't even moved, only enough to keep her gaze fixated on Jesse as he came up the stairs and around the piano. Quinn felt like she should have steam pouring out of her ears right now. Her heart thumped wildly against her chest; blood roared in her ears. That sickly feeling of…she didn't want to say it…made her stomach churn and her muscles ache. Everything hurt right now.
"The scars of your love, they leave me breathless.
I can't help feeling…"
Rachel suddenly jumped in again to join him with "We could have had it all!" and Quinn's vision swam before her.
"Enough!" the blonde leapt off the piano, angrily smoothing down her dress. Rachel at least had the decency to look somewhat embarrassed. She averted her gaze while Quinn spun around to face the boy with a fierce glare.
"What are you doing here, St. James?" she spat, not caring to mask her feelings about his sudden appearance in the slightest.
"I came back to see Rachel," he replied and looked at the brunette with a gentle smile. "It's good to see you."
"Jesse," she said warily, "what are you doing-"
"You're not wanted," Quinn snarled. "Turn around and get out."
"Pardon me, Quinn, while you're looking lovely as ever and, oddly, rancorous enough to tear me from limb to limb-"
He leaned in as if to whisper and she dug her nails into her palms at his unwanted proximity.
"it's a good look on you by the way," he moved back again, "but I did say I was here for Rachel and Rachel is the one who gets to decide whether or not I stay."
Quinn was debating which method of homicide would be better, pushing him off the stage so he broke his neck and she could claim an accident, or wait until later when she could push him into oncoming traffic…
"You need to leave, Jesse." Rachel stood up and went to Quinn's side. She still wasn't looking him in the eye. "Whatever it is you're up to this time, I'm not interested."
"But that's just it," he pleaded. "I'm here to make amends. Rachel, what I did to you…that's my one great regret."
Quinn huffed loudly.
"Yeah…" Rachel mumbled. "It was kind of weird. One day you were telling me that you loved me and then you were inexplicably throwing eggs at my head the next."
"I know, I know." He nodded remorsefully. "I traded love for a fourth consecutive National Championship. It was a bum deal. For a first maybe, but for a fourth, no way."
"That's it?" Quinn cried, disgusted. "That's all you have to say? You egged her and you have the nerve to talk like that? Just say 'it was a bum deal'? Screw you! Take your ridiculous, so three years ago, metrosexual scarf, gelatinous hair, and get out of my school!"
Jesse ignored her and kept his gaze on Rachel who was standing still as stone.
"I know what I did was horrible; I need to fix that. Rachel…I haven't been able to stop thinking about you."
Quinn was so angry…and beneath it so frightened…that she was speechless. She could only turn to Rachel for help, praying that what she found there wouldn't cause her pain.
The brunette watched Jesse for a long moment before finally turning her eyes to the floor with a sigh and then back up at Quinn.
She knew what was coming before Rachel even opened her mouth. She could see it in her eyes.
Please don't do this to me…
"Quinn…" Rachel said timidly, but then cleared her throat so she sounded stronger. "Could you excuse us for a moment? I need to speak with Jesse. Alone."
Quinn was shaking her head before Rachel even finished speaking.
"No. There's no way I'm leaving you here with-"
"I promise, it's fine. Just wait for me outside? It won't take long."
"Rachel-"
Don't ask me to do this. Don't push me away for him. He doesn't deserve you! He hurt you! Let me protect you… for once.
With all her heart, Quinn pleaded with Rachel silently. Though the other girl could see it written desperately across Quinn's face, she was resolute. She had made her decision and Quinn had to leave.
Devastated and angrier than she could hold in, her expression grew hardened. Rachel looked like she wanted to say something to comfort her, but there was no comfort available then. Quinn threw another fearsome glare Jesse's way before storming off the stage, ready to tear something apart with her bare hands.
Rachel winced when she heard the thunderous crash of the doors to the auditorium slammed closed behind her girlfriend. She swore to herself that she would make it up to Quinn later, but right now, Jesse was the most pressing issue at hand.
Things were never completely resolved between the two of them. She knew that they needed closure - she wanted that closure - and as much as it hurt Quinn, it was necessary that she had time alone with Jesse to achieve that.
She just hoped Quinn wasn't too upset. Unfortunately, the fire in her eyes and the booming crash that followed had Rachel leaning otherwise.
She was really going to have some making up to do…
"Ah so that's it then," Jesse said under his breath, bringing Rachel out of her musings.
He was staring at the solidly closed doors at the top of the aisle that Quinn just exited.
"What's 'it'?"
Jesse turned back to her with a rueful smile. "I would have thought you'd wait until your first off-Broadway casting to experiment like everyone else does, but it's good you're getting a head start on this too."
Furious indignation bubbled over in her and Rachel exclaimed, "She's not an-!" She clapped her hand over her mouth, realizing what she'd just admitted to, what Jesse had just tricked her into.
He leaned against the piano causally, too casually to actually be casual, but that was Jesse.
"I told you once, you deserved an epic romance," he sighed, sounding more serious than she ever remembered him being.
It was strange. He was dramatic, intense, and passionate about everything he did, but never had he sounded so sincere before. Rachel didn't know what to say. Then he broke the moment by slipping right back into the Jesse St. James she knew so well.
"Of course, I had myself in mind at the time." He shrugged with a wave of his hand and she rolled her eyes. "But even so...I still meant it."
"Why are you here?" Rachel asked, exasperated. "Really? I mean, after all you were only pursuing me at my birth mother's behest, led me on to believe you loved me, and then ended with an extraordinarily dramatic and humiliating break up which climaxed with you cracking an egg over my head."
"Okay, yes, I admit it's all true. We went over it and it doesn't exactly sound so great when you put it together like that..."
Rachel scoffed.
"But can you honestly tell me you don't believe that I had real feelings for you? That I still have them?"
She considered it. "No. I guess I can't." She flipped her hair over her shoulder. "You're not that good of an actor."
"A criticism I accept and have vowed to improve upon. I've gotten feedback from people saying that no matter what character I play, I come across as a creepy stalker and incredibly homosexual."
"Are you gay?" she cried, horrified, and put her head in her hands. "That would just be another thing to add to the trauma that was our relationship."
"No. I happen to continue to enjoy the pleasure of women, thank you. But you're one to talk, Miss Rachel Berry."
"Not that it's any of your business," she sniffed, straightening her back, "but I have not chosen sides."
"Bi?"
She shrugged. Indeed she had explained to Quinn a while ago that she considered herself bi, but the more time she had to ruminate on it, the more she began to question any label. Was it true that she was sexually attracted to both men and women? Yes. However, being with Quinn made her realize that gender wasn't really relevant at all, at least not for her personally. Love defied labels, and now Rachel was reluctant to label herself beyond a human being, one who was very much in love.
"So you're not floating in the sea of Sapphic lovers?"
"There is no either or, okay?"
He nodded understandingly and slid onto the piano bench next to her. "Well, now we both feel better."
"It's not exactly at the top of my priority list to make you feel better, Jesse," she replied dryly.
"Fair enough, I only wanted to-"
"I thought you were in LA, in college," she said brusquely. "What happened?"
"Ugh, that." He made a face. "It was such a waste of my time. They say I flunked out, but it's a total lie and completely unfair. I mean, how was I supposed to know that I was actually supposed to show up to those other classes? I was majoring in show choir! I just assumed it would be like at Carmel and the school would get some Asian kid to take math, English, and scientific for me."
"Oh," she replied awkwardly. "That's…awful."
"Hey, Rach!"
Sam came running down the aisle, out of breath and cheeks flushed for some reason. He waved awkwardly at Jesse and turned back to her, trying to look the picture of nonchalance. He wasn't fooling anyone.
"Aren't you coming to Glee?"
She didn't even bother to look at him, just pointed her index finger at the door. "Go away, Sam!"
"But you're going to be-"
"I know Quinn sent you in here," she cut him off impatiently, "so just go back out and tell her she needs to wait like I asked her to do. I'm not finished here yet."
Sam shuffled his feet a little, not contradicting her, before reluctantly leaving. Rachel sighed and turned back to Jesse who was watching Sam's departure with interest.
"Now who was that?"
"That?" Rachel raised an eyebrow ruefully. "That would be Quinn's boyfriend."
"Ah. Let me guess, while he plays 'white picket fences' with Quinn, he's got Kurt on the other side with you?"
"No!" Rachel protested, indignant, but laughed anyway. "Kurt's actually dating someone else and Sam's not gay."
"So you say."
"Ironic coming from the boy who knows all the lines to 'Funny Girl' by heart."
"That's just the test of a true show choir talent!"
"It's also a product of stereotypical judgment."
"Touché, Miss Berry."
Rachel rested her elbows carefully against the piano. "It's just...complicated. Okay?"
"It wouldn't be your epic love without it."
That threw her.
"W-what makes you think that…Quinn..." she stammered, blood rushing to her cheeks, which surely gave her away.
"Come on, Rachel." He rolled his eyes. "I may have lied to you, manipulated you, humiliated you, not to mention broke your heart, but that doesn't mean I don't know you. Quinn? That girl? She's always been there. I should have seen it before. Maybe I did and just didn't want to accept it. It was easier to deal with that Paul Bunyan freak you had slobbering over you at the time than to think... Well, denial is a man's best friend."
In that moment, she realized how right he was. Memories flooded back, all the time she spent with Jesse, countless hours of just talking about music and dreams and Broadway and stardom… He may have been pretending in that time, but she never did. Rachel felt that old connection between them surge to life again as she remembered what it was like to share things with someone so like her once again. That same familiarity she encountered the day she met him, the first time they sang together… She had never felt such an instantaneous kinship before.
"Do you think I'm a fool for doing this?" she whispered.
"Yes." He shook his head with a kind smile. "I think you're in love, which very well means the same thing as being a fool."
"Thanks," she groaned. "You've been such a help today, really, good job on that 'making it up to me' thing. Can you just leave now?"
He pretended he didn't hear that and leaned towards her. "I saw the prom campaign posters in the hall. Safe to assume she's going with him?"
"Yes."
"Well, if it isn't too much for me to presume, I'd like to take you to Prom, Rachel. Let me try to give you a great night."
"I know it may not look it, but I'm with-"
"I understand. I propose this entirely under the guise of friendship. I told you I needed to make amends. How about I start with one extraordinary night? Everyone deserves their Prom night to be special."
She looked at him warily. "As friends?"
"I swear it."
He placed his hand over his heart and she believed him.
"Then I accept your proposal, Jesse St. James." Rachel gathered her sheet music and stood up. "Don't forget the corsage."
"Hey, Rachel?" He called after her from the stage as she made her way up the aisle. She looked back at him over her shoulder.
"For what it's worth, I'm happy for you. Even if I wanted it to be me."
"We're too much alike," she replied quietly. "As much as I love our shared passion for all things show, our drive, our determination...it was never right. I think you know that."
"Apparently. Seems blondes are more your type."
"Blonde," she corrected him firmly. "As in one. Just one. You may be my counterpart, St. James, but she's..."
"Yeah?"
"Nevermind." Rachel waved him off with a sigh and looked at him sadly. "Jesse...I-I really cared about you."
"And I loved you. I just didn't know it at the time."
"As much as I hate to admit it, you're one of the few people in the world who really get me. You know me, the good and the bad."
"I do." He nodded.
"So," she said nervously, "as a person who knows me, d-do you think it'll be...what I want it to be? Is it?"
He gazed at her for a long moment before sighing and settled back on his heels.
"You know the answer to that better than I do. And I know I don't have a chance in hell of winning you back, which I freely admit was a driving force behind my intentionally abrupt and dramatic return to McKinley."
Rachel tilted her head thoughtfully. For some reason, it felt nice to have him here again. She liked seeing him on the stage like that. She liked being around him. She liked having another friend who understood her, what most would call, tendencies towards insanity.
"Are you going to be around for awhile?"
He chuckled. "Only if you insist."
Smiling, Rachel hugged the sheet music closer to her chest and it wasn't until she reached the doors that a knot in her stomach formed.
How was she going to break this to Quinn?
"I'll Be There" by The Jackson 5 (Would you believe I've been waiting to use this song since APRIL, before we ever even heard of an MJ ep? Crazy...)
"Rolling in the Deep" by Adele