Chapter 24: To Begin Again
Azula blinked and groaned as she sat up, her mind registering little other than surprise that she wasn't dead. Or at least, she was still aware and in pain, which spoke rather highly of her being alive- she'd read several different forms of speculation on the afterlife, but none of them included raging headaches, or looked like the inside of the Earth King's throne room. Looking around, she saw Aang coming to beside her, while Jian Chin lay off to one side, still stirring fitfully but in no condition to fight. Glancing down at her hands, she saw that they had returned to their normal color- Zhan Zheng and the power it had granted were gone. Azula found that she did not mourn the loss.
"Ow," Aang said, clearly and distinctly. "Please remind me never to do anything like that again."
"Somehow I don't think it will come up," Azula told him.
The Avatar sat up slowly rubbing his forehead. "Do you think we won, then? I remember Zhan Zheng falling into that portal, but I'm not sure what happened after that."
Azula reached her mind back, trying to make sense of the final battle that had taken place within her own soul. "I think that the spirit was sent back to the place from where it came- and that a certain mutual acquaintance wants words with it. Face-to-face, if you take my meaning."
Aang's shiver was a rather strong indicator that he did. "Then it's over, finally," he said.
"Yes." Indeed, the princess thought- it was over. The evil born of the house of Sozin had finally been put down by his descendants- her role had been to aid in the defeat of the spirit itself, and Zuko… Zuko's role had been to prevent her from taking the throne two years ago. Azula herself shivered at that reminder of how far gone she had been into Zhan Zheng's power.
"You don't look so good," Aang pointed out. "Are you okay?"
"All my life I thought I was in control of myself and everyone around me," Azula whispered, "but for most of it, I was living a lie. I was nothing more than what my father and the royal house had decided the ideal warrior-heir was supposed to be- I was their slave, and I did it gladly. It's only been for the last few months that I've actually chosen to make my own destiny. For someone like me, that's just humbling to recognize and admit."
"Yeah, but you did admit it, and in the end you chose to do the right thing," Aang said. "For that by itself, you're stronger than you're father. It's never too late to change- I learned that from Zuko."
"Well maybe Zuzu has his uses after all then," Azula said wryly. She pulled herself to her feet and stretched, while beside her Aang leaped up lightly and walked over to where Jian Chin lay. "What are you going to do with him?"
Aang bent down by the warlord's side and checked his pulse. "I'm not an expert, but I think he'll live for a bit longer. Then I can get Katara to heal him so he can stand trial before the Earth King." Azula shot him a dark look, but the Avatar just shook his head. "I know you think leaving him alive is stupid, but I'm not going to kill him or let him die, which would be just as bad. Besides, he's not that dangerous without Zhan Zheng, and I really don't think the Earth King's going to let him off."
"Have it your way, then," Azula said. A part of her, she found, rather like the notion that the man who sought glory above all else would end his days utterly ignominiously in prison. It had a certain poetic irony to it, and Azula had always been able to appreciate irony.
Suddenly the ground began to rumble beneath the princess's feet. She shot a wild glance at Jian Chin, but unless the warlord had developed an earthbending technique that was powered by drooling, he did not appear to be responsible. Azula's eyes began to dart around the throne room and she dropped into a combat stance, but no enemy revealed themselves
Then a ground in front of the throne burst open, and both Avatar and princess stumbled backwards as the body of one of Jian Chin's earthbenders came shooting out, landing in an unconscious heap by the form of his warlord. He was followed by a much smaller figure, who landed on his chest and held up a fist which she pumped victoriously.
"Oh yeah," Toph Bei Fong said. "You can talk tough all you want, but when the chips are down, the Blind Bandit is still the best."
Azula blinked as she looked down at the floor and gave the hole some serious thought- assuming the battle had started in the dungeons, then the earthbender girl had just blasted both her opponent and herself through several floors of solid rock. The Bei Fong girl might lack a certain degree of polish, but one had to admit that her abilities were impressive.
Beside her, Aang was shaking his head, a wide grin on his face. "You know," he said, "things and people may change all the time, but there are a few that you can always rely on to be just the same. Toph's one of them."
Azula found that she had to agree.
Several days later, Azula stood atop the Earth King's palace and watched the sun sink slowly towards the horizon. For everyone else, the last few days had held an air of returning to normalcy- the Earth King had been restored to his throne (though he'd stared in abject horror when he saw the hole Toph had left in his throne room) and Iroh to his tea shop, while the others made preparations to return to wherever they called home. For Azula, however, "normal" was something that belonged to a world she now admitted was gone beyond her ability to recall. She'd watched the proceedings like a ghost, aware of them but unable to connect to them in any meaningful way.
"Hey," a rather irate voice said from behind her. "You have any idea how long I've been looking for you? This place is big, and I just wanted to talk." Azula turned to see Ty Lee standing there, arms crossed- behind her was Ursa, dressed now in rich, green Earth Kingdom robes and with her long hair neatly brushed and arranged again.
"Hello Ty Lee, mother," the princess said. "My being difficult to find was rather deliberate, you know. I wanted to be away from people."
"How come?" the acrobat asked. "It's not like everyone hates you anymore. I mean, I'm not sure some of them will ever really like you, but they all know you helped Aang stop Zhan Zheng, and they can respect that. Once the story gets out, you'll be a hero!"
"There used to be a time when thousands thought I was a hero," Azula said softly. "After I conquered Ba Sing Se, remember? They worshipped me, and that just fuelled my own belief in my own superiority- and that destroyed me. I can't trust myself with that again."
"Oh," Ty Lee said, though from her expression it was clear she didn't completely understand. "So what are you going to do now?"
"I'm not sure," Azula admitted. Looking down at the courtyard below, she saw where the sky bison Appa was munching on a large pile of hay, much to the disgust of the palace staff (who already felt put-upon having to clean up after a fully grown bear), while Zuko's airship hovered on its tether just outside the walls, being readied for departure. "I'm not one of them, Ty Lee. I'm not sure I can be, after everything that's happened. But I've undone some of the damage, at least. They may not like me, but you're right- they don't hate me anymore either. And it is refreshing to have respect that does not come from fear."
Ursa stepped forward and placed a hand on her daughter's arm. "I don't know what destiny awaits you," she said, "but you have proven that it will be one you will make for yourself, not what the Fire Nation and your father set out for you- and that you have learned enough to make the right choices now. You have risen above your past and made a new life for yourself- I understand that now. There are few who could do what you did, Azula- or who could have turned the spirit Zhan Zheng down when it offered their greatest dream."
Azula smiled slightly as she turned to look at her mother. "Peace, then?" she asked.
"Peace," Ursa said, returning the smile.
They turned and watched the sunset for several more minutes before Azula spoke again. "I've made a decision," she said. "There is more to this world than just the four bending nations- almost certainly there are places in it that we still do not know. For a hundred years war halted the acquisition of knowledge that wasn't connected to fighting- now it can begin again. I will find a ship and go to the edge of the map, or find a caravan traveling into the depths of the desert. There I can find places where the name of Princess Azula isn't known as anything but a rumor; I'll be able to find people among whom I can begin fresh, and challenges to test myself against that do not involve claiming power over others." She paused and looked out over Ba Sing Se again. "Maybe then I can find out who I truly am."
"You can't just, just leave!" Ty Lee said. "Not after everything!"
"Well, maybe I'll show up every now and then," Azula allowed. "After all, a true friend isn't something I can say I've had very often, which I'll now give was largely my own fault, and I'd rather not lose one. But if I stay here, or go back to the Fire Nation, or go to Kyoshi Island with you, the shadow of everything I've done will always hang over me. I need to get away from that."
"We understand," Ursa said. "It's not easy to live with the sins of the past, especially when they affected so many- I know that. But I also know that you did a very brave and difficult thing in the final defeat of Zhan Zheng, something that saved so many lives- for that alone, Azula, I can say that I am proud of you." Stepping forward, she wrapped her arms around her daughter in an embrace such as they had not shared since she was a very small child. Azula stiffened for a moment, and then returned it.
Finally, she pulled away. "Goodbye, Mom," Azula said softly. "I wasn't able to do it earlier, but now I think I'm ready. I forgive you." Turning, she walked over to the entrance to the rooftop, opened it, and entered, vanishing from sight.
"And I forgive you, my child," Ursa said. "May the spirits walk with you as you find a new path, and the peace that has evaded you so long."
Zhan Zheng awoke in darkness. It could still feel the agony of the Avatar's final attack, and of Azula's words which had torn at its soul, unthinkable and yet undeniably true. Was she right? Was the spirit of War doomed to defeat, because free human beings would always resist it? Was the balance in fact not dead, but a force so strongly embedded in the fabric of the universe that it would always work against Zhan Zheng? The spirit forced such thoughts from its mind. It still existed- weakened, true, but alive. It would wait here, in the Spirit World, gathering its strength before another attack. The mortal world would be its, and war would reign eternal. It was only a matter of time.
The spirit stood and ran its hands along the wall at its side- it appeared to be in a sort of tunnel, but it was filled with darkness so thick it had to be supernatural in order to so thoroughly block Zhan Zheng's site. The spirit of War shrugged, deciding this was of no importance and began to walk along the tunnel, looking for the way out.
A chuckled suddenly echoed through the darkness, cold and cruelly amused, carrying a weight of old and patient malice that Zhan Zheng could not hope to match. The spirit spun, seeking the source of the sound, but it saw nothing. "Who is there?" it demanded, flaring its eyes menacingly. "I demand you show yourself!"
"You've caused us a lot of trouble, young one," a cold voice spoke from the shadows. "Young and foolish spirit. You thought you could break the balance and turn the entire world into yourself, but you did not understand that the balance is life- without it, nothing can be; not me, not you, not the either world. You would have accomplished nothing but your own destruction, had you won. But now you never will. I claim some small credit for that myself- it was I who gave the girl the key. How do you destroy an idea, I asked her, and she guessed it. You force the idea to become its own opposite. You show that war, in the end, produces a desire for peace, that imbalance wants nothing more than to balance itself. That was what gave her and the Avatar the power to banish you back to this realm, where you are oh so vulnerable."
"Who are you?" Zhan Zheng asked, feeling something unfamiliar and cold fill it. It took the spirit a moment to realize that it was fear.
A face suddenly appeared before it- the face of a clown, but mounted on the body of a great centipede, only the front portion of which was visible. The face's lips parted in a slight smile. "I am Koh," the monster said. "And I have been waiting for you."
Then it lunged forward, and the last thing that Zhan Zheng ever felt was the sensation of razor sharp claws sinking into the edges of its face. Then… nothing.