Chapter Twenty Five

Esme

I sat beside Bella thinking about what Edward had told us of her story since we last saw her and feeling very guilty indeed. At the time I had allowed myself to be led by Carlisle and didn't argue against Edward's decision that we should all leave immediately but I had been wrong. I think I knew it at the time, I felt it deep inside and that made me feel doubly guilty. Then there was Jasper, he stood up and spoke out against leaving her that way and I didn't back him although I knew I should, so I was three times guilty and had a lot to make up for if I could.

How hard it must have been for her to discover that all those deaths were at her feet. Then to be told the only way to ensure the safety of her mother and baby daughter was to leave them knowing she would never see either again. As a mother, I understood the deep bond between a mother and her baby. I had not been able to cope with losing my own small son and had tried to end my own life. Poor Bella had to continue knowing that her little baby was growing up never knowing her mother or why she abandoned her. To then discover that her mother was dead and the precious daughter kidnapped by a psychopathic vampire who had threatened to torture the child to death and proved she did not make idle threats had been the very last straw.

We should have been there to protect her from Victoria, after all, it was our fault that James and Victoria had met Bella in the first place. She had no one to turn to and nowhere to go and had been forced to play Victoria's sick game. If only Renee had not run into Carlisle and told him the story of Bella's disappearance then Edward would not have gone looking for her and Renee and Rebekkah would still be alive. Of course, that also meant Bella would still be in torment but I know given the choice which way she would turn.

I wondered if Jasper had received my message and come back would things have turned out differently but it wasn't really important now. Edward had in his stead and the resulting situation was the one we now had to deal with. Bella lay still and pale as a corpse and I struggled to conjure up the pretty shy girl who first came to our house with Edward, so in love. That they broke up was Edward's fault fair and square and when he told us what she had said to him I had to agree. Bella might be shy and quiet but she was not a doll to be put here and there and locked in a cupboard to keep her safe. She had spirit, courage and a mind of her own. If not she wouldn't have survived so long as Victoria's puppet.

Emmett and Rose were in and out all the time to check on Bella but Alice was conspicuous by her absence and of course, Garrett didn't know Bella so I didn't expect him to be concerned about her. When Carlisle took over with Rosalie I went to find my youngest daughter and find out exactly what was going on with her. She tried to avoid me but I could be tenacious when necessary and I cornered her in the garage about to drive off with Garrett. I stood in front of the car and waited until she turned the engine off and indicated I wanted a word.

"Esme, we were going to a show in Seattle this evening and we'll be late."

"That can't be helped Alice, you shouldn't have been avoiding me. Garrett, this might take a while so you could go alone or take Emmett with you, he's at a loose end right now."

He got the message, I wanted Alice alone and I was going to take my time, and went off to find Emmett leaving Alice and me alone.

"Right, well Alice?"

"Well, what?"

"Bella."

She had the grace to look embarrassed,

"Oh, I guess I should have called in to see her but she's unconscious so I didn't see the point."

"The point is that you and Bella were close friends so what changed?"

"I don't know Esme, you know I can't see her future but I had the feeling it might affect me personally and I hate not knowing about my future, it's….unsettling."

"That's all you know? You didn't see Victoria acting against Bella?"

"NO!"

She was shocked and almost shouted her answer to that question.

"If I had seen Bella was in danger I would have done something."

"But you didn't keep an eye out even though you thought she might impact your life?"

Again she shook her head and much as I distrusted her sometimes I believed her now and was relieved by that.

"Well, as soon as she recovers I want you to visit her, a friend might be just what she needs."

Alice agreed albeit reluctantly and I wondered if perhaps she was scared that Garrett might fall for Bella crazy though that seemed to me.

I heard Rose's call as I made my way back to the bedroom and ran the rest of the way to find Bella trying to sit up and looking confused and dazed, that would be the concussion I thought.

As her eyes focused on my face she groaned,

"I'm not dead then? Edward saved me I guess"

"Yes he did and I'm glad Bella. How are you feeling? Carlisle said you'll have a headache for certain and feel sore and stiff all over. When you fight a road surface you are going to come off worst."

I hoped she might smile at the silly little joke but she just lay back closing her eyes although tears still found their way down her cheeks.

I sat beside her and took her hand in mine,

"Bella I understand your despair believe me but killing yourself isn't the answer, I know."

"Why would I want to live Esme? With the guilt of my father, my mother and my husband's murders on my hands and knowing my daughter is dead or as good as. There's nothing left for me so please don't try to make me feel better."

"You aren't responsible for the deaths of those people Bella, Victoria is and you don't know your daughter is dead, there is still hope."

She shook her head then groaned and put a hand to it,

"Would you like something for the pain?"

"No, what's a little suffering? Too many innocent people have suffered because of me. Just leave me alone please."

She pulled free of my hand rolling onto her side and weeping silently. I felt so sorry for her and knew dragging her back from the blackness of depression wouldn't be easy.

Edward came in as soon as he heard Bella was awake but she made no sign that she heard him, not even when he spoke to her very softly. He shot me a worried look and I saw guilt in his eyes, we were all feeling guilt about something yet the only innocent party was Bella herself.

"How is she? I wanted to tell her that I'm trying to find Victoria and her daughter. I told her not to give up hope. I know it's all my fault Esme and I'm trying to put things right. Do you really think Victoria would torture and kill a child?"

Bella heard Edward although we were talking very low and she began to cry harder so I pulled him from the room.

"Have a little thought, Edward, Bella thinks Victoria is capable of such a horrific act and I've heard nothing about her that would make me think she has any redeeming qualities so yes, I think she would. Don't forget she blames Bella for her mate's death, it's only vengeance that keeps her going I'm sure."

"And Bella? What will keep her going, Esme? If we don't find her daughter alive?"

"Possibly nothing Edward and you must prepare yourself for that. You may still have feelings for Bella but I don't think they are reciprocated."

He looked downcast hearing that but he nodded accepting I was probably right which made it even more urgent that he discover Victoria's whereabouts.