A/N - Here we are at last with Carver and Natalia's goodbye - for a bit anyhow.
I also wanted to write a chapter which included, at least in part, my view of how the fade appears, and what happens when a mage "dreams". I mean they must have some control over a place where they are aware of what is going on - so here it is, still has more than a bit of fluff in it, can't help myself for some reason ;)
Opening her eyes she instantly recognizes the barren, stone filled space surrounding her. The high, rocky outcrops continuing as far as the eye could see, trailing off to a smoke filled, dull grey sky.
The sun bright but offering little comfort in the once lush green lands, now blackened and barren, with ruins of once great buildings exposed like the bones of great animals, scattered along the path ways the kings highway off in the distance, far out of reach.
The achingly familiar scenery had burned itself into her mind, the sultry heat from the small fires pocketed around with their dark plumes bellowing high into the air, bringing tears to her eyes as the warm wind whips round her, causing dust to fly, buffeting her hair gently.
The lack of noise is almost deafening in itself, no fleeting bird cries or sounds of civilization, the occasional patter of falling rocks and stones shifted by the breeze, cuts through the stillness.
The translucent green aura shimmering around everything betrayed the fact that this wasn't real, just merely an echo of memory calling the world around her into being. Natalia glanced upwards taking in the distorted black mass high above - The Black City - an ever present astral body, almost seemingly within reach, to those who were aware of it anyway, in the fade.
Spying a flicker of light out of the corner of her eye she heads towards it, momentarily pausing to look down at her bare feet, feeling sharp flat stones bite into her skin. There was no real pain, more like the memory of it, but still fairly uncomfortable. Sighing, taking a deep breath she closes her eyes and just - imagines.
Her nightdress, in an instant disappears and instead she's wearing a light green tunic paired with soft black breeches, her favourite scuffed and well worn, sturdy light brown boots now on her feet.
Allowing a small smile at being able to manipulate surroundings easily here, wishing it were so in the waking world, she again starts to make her way towards where the light had originated from, feeling no measure of malcontent or danger. This not being her first venture into the fade, Natalia knew no demons were anywhere close, so had no fear of where her dreams had taken her.
Slowly walking up the incline to the more open clearing, the once potent memories again flooding her mind and senses. Remembering the frantic pace they'd all kept as they trailed their meagre belongings, wishing the journey over and all were safe, panic a ready and willing millstone round each of their necks.
It had seemed to be an age since she had been here, faint memories of hope that had turned into sadness and hurt. Moving toward where her sister had stood and protected their mother to her death, the now sun bleached ogre bones were partially hidden by the dirt, those which were visible had the remnants of faded, threadbare material clinging to them, flapping gently in the soft breeze, she softly kicks them aside, small pulses of sorrow squeezing her chest.
It felt strange, her mind conjuring up these details, as if time had passed when in fact, she had no idea what the place would be like now, if the blight had killed without the hope of renewal, or if the grass was once again lush with the passage of time, but the subconscious mind was a strange thing.
Looking past those, she notices a small metallic object shining in the dry ground and crouching as much as she can, brushes away the soil, stifling a sob as a tiny, unmarred, silver broach in the shape of a rose becomes visible.
They hadn't been rich as a family but they hadn't wanted for anything really. Her father to hide his magic as much as possible, had sold herbal remedies made from the small herb garden they had, as well as foraging from the local flora and fauna. Their mother had always been good at sewing, so had darned and repaired peoples clothing for trade in food or other goods, especially for those who couldn't either repair clothing themselves or couldn't afford it as the blight had begun to take many a family member away from their friends.
So they had tried, as a family to ease burdens where ever they could.
Bethany had, between schooling and mastering her magic, cared for several children in the village, and had saved for a whole five months for a broach she had seen in amongst other trinkets when a travelling salesman had passed through Lothering.
After putting down a deposit for it, promising to pay the balance when the trader had returned to the village again. Carver had made fun of her, insisting that she wouldn't see the coin or broach again, but to her delight had, in the end been able to make her purchase.
It wasn't much, but it had a small yellow gem and was just perfect for Bethany, understated but intricate as she had been. Natalia knew this wasn't real, that this was all from her, but knowing it and seeing it were two different things entirely.
Sitting back with tears filling her eyes, palming the broach in her hand, she looks over towards the two marked graves, Bethany's and Wesley's. This at least was true enough, they hadn't wanted to leave them for the darkspawn to paw over, so had not left immediately with Flemeth but requested a little time to afford their dead loved ones some semblance of farewell.
She makes to stand but starts a little as she feels a hand on her shoulder.
Not needing to look up as she can already smell the unmistakable scent of orange blossom, instead grins and accepts the assistance offered in standing up. Turning to face her helper, wiping the dirt off her hands, Natalia smiles even more widely and hugs her little sister warmly.
Sill wearing the fitted blue robes when she died, Bethany is also smiling, quietly says "Hi" in welcome and moves back to reveal a table with high backed, comfortable chairs behind her, a small tea pot with mint tea and small dainty sandwiches on china plates set out perfectly.
Looping her arm round hers, Beth walks them to the chairs, and as Natalia settles, her sister drops to her knees and waits for the slight nod before running her hand over her belly in awe.
As always, there's a faint sadness that this is all make believe, but at that moment, she couldn't care less as this is just what she needs, the recollection of her sister still perfect and is comforting even though she's gone, she can still somehow talk to her.
Pouring the tea, they both sit back, relaxing and they continue to talk.
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Gently, without disturbing her, Fenris's green eyes take in everything about her, the new dusting of freckles on her nose from the time spent resting in the garden, the decreasing circles under her eyes of which he is glad of, to the soft skin of her lips.
Leaning close he tucks a wayward curl from off Natalia's forehead behind the delicate shell of her ear, noticing the soft smile which lights her face up from within, he can't help but kiss her, a light touch not meant to disturb, but her lips pout in reaction anyway, as if even in sleep she's aware of his touch.
He runs his fingers down her face, brushing them over her cheek as he moves back and in that moment, feels contentment, his woman and babies are safe and healthy.
Frowning at what could have been, he feels the fresh stir of anger and huffs out a sigh, he scoots off the bed with minimal disturbance and pulls the coverlet over Hawke and checking she is still deep in slumber, washes and dresses quickly with minimal fuss.
Grabbing a soft sweet roll from a newly baked batch in the kitchen, smirking at Orana's tut and hovering out of reach of her mixing spoon, he also picks up a large cup filled with juice, it doesn't take him long to finish both, muttering a heartfelt thank you, he sets the empty cup after rinsing it out on a small table and heads to Hawkes mothers old room.
With the soft click of the door closing behind him, he stands and checks what still needs to be done.
The space has been transformed, the dark, heavy ornate furniture removed and in its place a light wood table, book shelf and rocking chair, all varnished to perfection, honey gold and shining in the morning sunlight. The walls were instead of a rich cream and burgundy, were now a soft yellow adding to the brightness of the room, the windows were covered with floaty white fabric to soften the sun pouring into the space.
He grins as he is proud of what he has been able to accomplish, this was one thing he had wanted to do for Natalia to surprise her. Having met up with Sebastian who worked before with his hands and had crafted fine furniture in the past, he helped him source the current furniture in the room, but Fenris wanted to make the cot himself, or at least add something personal to it if he couldn't. They had agreed after finding out twins were on the cards, that they needed a double cot, or at least one large enough for twins.
He walks over to the book shelf, which was already half filled with a few books Varric had gifted to them, brightly coloured pictures on the covers, there were one or two he'd even penned himself, small tales about them all written so a child would understand. Sitting by the row of books were small stuffed toys, among them were a few wolves and hawks, Isabela trying to be funny he guessed, but he didn't mind, he was happy that his friends cared.
That he had his own family now was the best surprise of all, still amazed he had found Natalia in among all the hate and hurt and running was a blessing in itself. His smile slips as he knows there's a fair way to go before he has sorted all the angst thrown up with memories long buried from his past and the confusing feelings that came with it, but with her it was getting easier. He felt foolish and stupid for again saying hurtful things to her, especially when all along Talia had never wanted to end their relationship, that she would be with him always, no matter.
Running his hand over the chair one last time he exits the room, locks the door and places the key under a vase which rests on a table in the hall outside.
An hour or so later, the day had gotten warmer, it didn't help that he'd been attacking one of the straw and wooden practice dummies with his great sword for the best part of an hour, sweat running down his bare back, highlighting the white markings and scars running over his light brown skin, having taken his tunic off earlier, cooling in the slight breeze.
He was nearing the end of his practice, having alternated between parrying left then right, charging, jumping and turning with an agility that never waivered. The sound of clanging metal on wood loud in the relative quiet, Fenris wasn't worried about the neighbours as the high walls muffled sounds quite well from others.
Breathing heavily, feeling his heart race, he slows his movements until he finally stops, the arm holding his sword lowering. Blowing fine white hair out of his eyes, he doesn't jump as he hears slow clapping behind him as he uses his discarded tunic as a towel to wipe his brow, pulling it over his shoulders.
Turning round he sees Carver standing against a wall dressed in light clothing. "Not bad, not bad at all, though what that poor dummy did to you I've no idea." It was virtually hacked to bits, the head lolling to one side, hanging on by a thread, the stuffed arms long gone. With a smirk he pushes away from the wall and stands next to Fenris.
"Talia had suggested I work off my anger out here, it was this or take it out on some living person." Noticing the grin turn into a grimace on the other mans face he starts to speak, to explain, but Carver gets there first.
"Yeah, about that, you really don't know how sorry I am about what happened. My sister has had to go through a lot, we both have but I guess and...I kind of forget about her being fragile and able to get hurt because she acts so bloody strong, she's taken down her fair share of darkspawn, Qunari and a dragon for fades sake. 'Talia said that she doesn't want you to be angry at me, or her, but if our roles were reversed, I don't know if I would be able to keep my anger to myself..." His blue eyes pleading for some sort of forgiveness.
Fenris doesn't know if his next action shocks himself or Natalia's brother the most, but he reaches out and pats him, yes a little hard but without malice, on the shoulder. He huffs out a laugh at the mans widening eyes. "That is why I am out here. Perhaps a few years or even months ago, I would have not been as...understanding. I believe 'Talia and my children have been distressed enough and have been through too much for me to be selfish like that."
Offering his hand, he's not surprised when it is clasped and they shake heartily. "I am also now aware that things happen out of our control, whether we like it or not. However if it is in my control I will protect them from danger."
They both walk into the house together to change into armor, and head back to get breakfast. By this time Natalia and Lex are both up they are sitting at the dining table chatting amicably.
"Good morning everyone." Natalia yawns, rubbing her belly as it emits an embarrassing growl, to which she burns bright red at everyone's laugher, and sits down by Fenris, who has already saved her some ham and toasted bread, he also pours out some orange juice which she accepts gratefully.
"Mmmm, thank you soooo much love, next you'll be rubbing my feet for me, its not as if I won't see them disappear before long if these pair have anything to do with it." She notes between bites of the salty meat, hot buttered bread and sips of the cool tart juice, sitting up and filling an empty bowl with succulent, juicy fruit. Fenris's hand rubs along her back, she almost feels like purring like a cat at his attention, his hands warm and welcome as the narrow patch of skin revealed by her tunic riding up, tingles in response.
"Morning sis...ur...glad you're feeling better as you're kinda eating like you're one of us." Gesturing between himself and Alexia, smirking as the two women huff back at him, Lex narrowing her eyes, he mouths "What?" in response.
He hears a soft snort and jerks back with an "Ow!" as a rather hard crust hits him above his eye. "You try carrying these babes and try not to feel hungry most of the time, you oaf!"
"Children, stay calm, we've not got long to go before we...ah...need to set off." Alexia brings the light atmosphere down as Natalia realises this is the last morning they'd have together for a while.
"Shit sorry." Her apology is waved off "Yeah, I know this had to come sooner or later, but you know me, just a little bit emotional whatever the weather these days."
The rest of the meal is finished in near silence, but not awkward, everyone just involved with their own thoughts and feelings, Fenris had taken hold of her hand and was rubbing gently and she felt calmed by his solid, steadfast presence.
Their belongings are sitting in the hallway, heavy with the freshly prepared food Orana made especially for them, and gifts from their friends, they make their way into the entrance hall, newly polished armor clanking, but before they can start their goodbyes, there's a heavy knock on the front door.
Natalia moves to open the door and shows surprise as a messenger holds out a thin letter, his quiet voice requesting Warden Carver Hawke accept delivery. Her brother takes the letter and fishes in his pocket for a few silvers, glancing at Alexia with confusion in his blue gaze.
The door is almost shut but they hear more footsteps and then its quickly held wider for Aveline, Varric and Izzie to walk through. "Makers bloated arse, seriously we all thought that we'd missed you, there's no way we wouldn't want to see you off in style!" Isabella waving her hand at her face in a bid to cool down a little.
Varric and Avaline move to 'Talia who is now sitting down, sipping on a cup of water brought in by Orana.
Without wanting to bring attention to her the dwarf asks quietly "Hey mama to be, everything okay with you. Ah, Rivani told me about what happened. I'm so sorry you were in any sort of danger, my contact is usually good at keeping that level of scum out of my home. Er...if you like I could do some digging to see what he was about?"
Turning to face the dwarf and Aveline she closes her eyes, nods and sighs heavily "I guess trouble is just round the corner for me eh, all I wanted was to spend my last day with my brother and his partner, that was too much to ask. Yeah, just lucky Charade and Izzie were there otherwise, Maker knows...but yes if you can dig about as he seemed to know all about me. But me and the babies are fine, more than fine, just shaken, I just don't understand some people."
Aveline's fists tighten in anger and through gritted teeth "If we have to employ extra guardsmen I will make sure that never happens again."
Sitting up a bit her anger dissipates when Natalia pats her hand. "Its not your fault, but yes I am not going anywhere without someone with me, I just can't take that chance until the children are born."
The noise level at the Hawke estate doubles within seconds, Blaze is let into the room and as usual bounds round everyone's feet, Sandal and Bodhan wish to offer their good luck too, everyone rushes to say their goodbyes, the two wardens move back to open the letter and the noise dims as Carver starts to read, a wide smile shines from him as his eyes light with happiness. Alexia nudges his shoulder as she leans into him and finishes reading the letter too, and she can't help but let out a whoop of delight.
"Care to share with the rest of us?" The pirate saunters over two the two rather happy souls and plucks the letter out of their hands before they can object. "Blah blah blah, orders are as follows: Warden Hawke and Warden Frye are not to return directly to Headquarters but are to join a small group of wardens - names and copy papers enclosed - newly stationed at Ostwick for the next year to train recruits and report back to their Commander. They will also liaise with contacts within Kirkwall in four months time upon travel to Ostwick, to report back on darkspawn activity or such developments within the city...if required the length of the mission will be extended...lots of love etc etc - the date stamp's three weeks after you left. Well, well isn't that great news?"
Aveline coughs and reddens slightly. "Ur, that was one of the reason's I'm here, I got a letter also this morning, I'm to be your contact."
"Well at least we know you, so that'll be something."
Natalia cannot help the tears of joy falling down her face, her baby brother isn't going far, and will be back, possibly in time for the birth, a soft handkerchief is shoved into her hand, and she smells a spicy waft of vanilla as Isabela leans in and mutters "So glad you're okay, looking positively radiant my dear, anyone one would think it was due to all the sexing, not that I'm jealous - got my own bed pal - but I am really glad you're back to normal, well as much as you can be with two mini Hawke's rolling round in there."
She pats her tummy lightly and gasps at the flutter she feels. "That...is just too weird." She breathes a little, smiling. "At least your glistening elf didn't rip anyone hearts out, and again, that's good, for you and him..." With that she quickly pecks her cheek and envelops her in a quick squishy hug before stepping back and glancing over at said elf who had an eyebrow risen in their direction.
No doubt he picked up on what she said but its not as if she cared, it was the truth, for once anyway so she settled back against the wall and took in the surroundings, wondering if she could sneak into the cellar and pick up a bottle or two for tonight.
Noticing Natalia's free, Carver moves to his sister and hugs her tight, her small frame disappearing easily beneath his own, well as tight as one can with heavy armor and a pregnant belly between them.
"See 'Talia, some things happen for good, you'll see, we'll be back here in no time, but please - take care of yourself. We seem to waste a lot of time eh? Just know that I love you and I am so very proud of you. I may not be here for you when you need me, but Fenris in particular will be here for you. I can see he loves you so much, and you're stronger together, trust him, he might be flashy sometimes and though I didn't see it before, he's a good man. You're going to be a great mum, but I will be here before the birth, don't worry, I can't wait to meet my niece or nephews."
She's so choked up at his words she can't speak at first, tears falling freely now, but she manages to stutter out "I'm so proud of you too, and that you're happy - I never wanted to you be a warden, but I can see its made you. Fenris is the only one for me, I trust him with my life. I love you so much and missed you more than I can say. Look after Lex, I can see she's the one for you. You're going to make the best uncle ever. I can't wait for you to meet them either. I will try to stay out of trouble, won't go anywhere without Blaze or Fenris or anyone. You take care, I'll miss you - write me from Ostwick, please?"
She moves back enough to wipe her eyes and nose, and Carver kisses her cheek and pulls away, suspicious glistening in his own blue eyes.
After that there's hugs all round, apart from Fenris who stands by Natalia and offers his farewells by way of handshake, they knew he wasn't into overly physical displays of affection, apart from 'Talia so no one was offended in the slightest.
Alexia gently hugs her last and whispers "Hey, you stay safe okay, I'll send letters too, I know Car sometimes doesn't write as much as he should, you mean so much to him. I'll make sure he takes care of himself. I know we've not really had a chance to get to know each other, but I hope that you think of me as a kind of sister...maybe?"
Natalia gulps and nods silently, her voice grating from the tears. "Seriously, stop saying things like that as I may just dry out from lack of liquid. Yes, I do think of you like that, even after this short time, Car is a stubborn idiot sometimes, but I'm glad he has you to rely on, you stay safe too as I don't want him alone anymore."
Aveline and the others head back to their respective homes, but the remaining four, instead of leaving them at the Hawke estate, travel as a group to the main gates, stopping off for a short time to pick up the horse and to their surprise a small black horse is taken out of the stable along with Thunder.
At Carver and Alexia's confused looks, 'Talia chuckles and heads over to the smaller horse, picks up the reigns and leads it over to Lex. "Yeah, think of this as a going away gift, thought you might want a horse of your own for the journey at least. This is William."
"I can't - wow, thank you so much. I don't know what to say, really." The small horse pulls at the reigns and snuffles his nose into her hand. "Oh, he's lovely!"
With that they mount up and secure their packs to the saddles, they take one last look at Kirkwall and head through the gates.
Natalia turns and sobs into Fenris's shoulder, and he pulls her close, smoothing her hair and kissing the top of her head. Soon her sobs turn into shuddering hiccups and she looks up at him, the pain in her eyes evident. "Look at me, turning into a wreck with all this blubbering. I could do with a drink - which I can't have - but maybe Orana has made some of her cherry pie?" Her downturned lips turn slightly upwards at this prospect.
He can't stop her feeling sadness from missing her brother, but he can soothe her when needed and he presses a kiss to each of the tracks left by her tears, and she closes her eyes as he kisses her eyelids and eventually trails down to her mouth where heat ignites and she moans quietly as his tongue flicks into her mouth.
Before it spirals out of control and aware of several spectators he pulls reluctantly away "You have nothing to complain about, you have been through much these past days. How about cherry pie then bed?"
At his heated look she can't really say anything but yes, and they head back home.