Who's ready for an inside-Lilith's-head thingy?
Oh, you're not?
Too bad, here's the chapter!
The old wooden boards creaked under the pressure of Lilith's form, as she walked down the tall hallway. Each step creaked, making Lilith's eye twitch from how loud it was, until she finally came up to the door.
She forced her hand to slowly out stretch, each movement seeming to act like a mini war, mind against mind.
Hurry up and open the door, you've made Slenderman wait enough.
No way, I'm not doing it! I can make a break for it now, run hard and fast away from here! Maybe I could have a chance of living a normal life!
Don't be stupid, he'll kill you either way. If he plans on killing you know, there isn't much out there that can save you.
But, maybe I'll have a chance of getting away! I can run, I'm a fast person!
No, you're still injured, remember? Now hurry up and knock.
…I hate the logical side of me…
Lilith sucked in her breath, as if it was her last, before knocking quietly, "Sir, it's me."
Lilith waited outside for a bit, a sliver of hope blossoming inside, maybe he wasn't here anymore-
All hope was dead, however, when the door opened halfway, a light from a candle inside lighting up the otherwise dark hallway, the only window being covered by heavy black sheets, while Slenderman standing on the other side, "At last, you've kept me waiting for a while now, proxy."
Lilith flinched, before walking in, Slenderman closing the door behind her, while leading her to the usual wooden opposing chair, "I'm sorry for making you wait, sir."
Slenderman merely nodded, before sitting down in his chair. Something about his posture set off alarms in her head, now he looked more "up-tight", stern maybe, then normal.
"Before we begin, how are you feeling? I'm aware that you had to undergo a bit of surgery, you don't feel any pain, do you?"Slenderman asked.
She couldn't help but feel a bit off when it came to the question of her welfare, "There has been no issues, I am in good health, at the moment." Lilith said, only loud enough to be heard. It felt to quiet, to safe, like the calm before the storm.
Slenderman nodded, "Good, good."He murmured, more to himself then to Lilith, before leaning forward a bit, "Now, onto business. Now, I've taken into account of how many times you've returned from a mission injured, and, have decided to take larger measures to assure your general welfare. And thus, before I further explain, I'm going to ask that you trust me."
Lilith nodded, ready to question what he meant, only to stop herself at the last minute, "Of course, sir."
Slenderman nodded, relaxing his shoulders as if a large weight had been lifted off of his shoulders, "With that said, from now on, you will not be permitted to leave the mansion grounds."
Lilith couldn't help but feel her eye twitch, "…I'm sorry, sir, but I seemed to have had a hard time understanding what you said."
"I know that this may come as a shock, but I cannot allow you to leave for missions, when it is clear that you are unable to hold your own. You're just not as 'useful' in a mission as the others, and because of the damage caused to you during simple and long-term missions, I cannot risk you getting hurt in the field beyond repair, that could lead to a failed mission."
Lilith wasn't sure if she should feel angered, scared, sad, annoyed, or all four of them. Hell, there were a million other things she was feeling, but once she let the dam crack, nothing could control it, "I…I understand, sir."
Slenderman nodded, before standing up, "Don't make it as a mark against yourself; but in your current state, you're a danger to the mission. I'll call you if there are any changes. Until then, you're dismissed."
Lilith nodded, standing up, swaying from side to side a bit, "Yes, sir…Of course, sir…"
Slenderman looked the girl over, "Are you feeling alright, Lilith?"
Lilith nodded weakly, her head spinning, as she walked over to the door, "I'm fine, sir."
Before she could walk out, Slenderman held the door closed, Inspecting the girl closely. She was shivering like mad, her neck making those odd cracking sounds like Ticci Toby, "Are you sure, Lilith?"
Lilith forced herself to nod, "I assure you, sir." She murmured, before pushing the door open, bowing slightly, before closing the door behind her.
She stood there for a few moments, trying to absorb what had just happened, when her breathing increased, her eyes widened, as she ran for her room.
"Hey, what's with all the-." Jeff yelled, opening his door, only to have it smashed into his face as Lilith ran past, "HEY, SHADOWS, WHAT WAS THAT FOR!?" Jeff yelled, rage filling him, only to have his fear burn away, being replaced with surprise, as he watched Lilith slam her door shut, "…Is PMS that bad?" He murmured, before shrugging, closing the door.
Meanwhile, Lilith was having a panic attack, as she sat curled up on her bed, mask and eye patch thrown off, feeling like the two items were slowly suffocating her. No tears fell, now that would have been shameful; but Lilith's dark blue eyes grew wide, rocking back and forth. Only one thing was registered into her mind.
What the hell do I do now?
She was a proxy, a girl, and one of the newest additions. If all of that already didn't make it hard, now she had to deal with the fact that her boss is basically telling her to drop out.
He thinks of her as a hazard.
Lilith shivered, her mind reaching into the darker parts of reality.
What would you do with a hazard?
You take it out of the picture, of course.
Her breathing grew harsher and quicker, all these dark thoughts finding their ways into her head, whispering dark ideas and deals. The walls seemed to slowly close in on her, as she got up, quickly opening the window. She barely had time to compute the fact that she'd jumped out, as she began to run into the trees on autopilot.
She tried to hold her ears shut, as she ran, the voices stopping at nothing to be heard.
Maybe I can run for it, I still have a chance.
No, you should just accept it. Do you have any idea what could happen if he finds out?
No, you should run to the others, ask them for help.
They won't listen to you, this is your problem.
Maybe you could make a deal with him, you could buy yourself time.
You can't do much. Let's be honest here, you have as many rights as a slave.
Maybe I can run into town, hide there.
For the rest of your life? You might as well just kill yourself.
That last dark whisper sent shudders down her spine, but the worse part was the fact that this feeling was familiar. She's had those thoughts when she was in school, such a simple thought to herself, really. She didn't believe in anything better than this, she wasn't religious in any way, shape or form. So really, there was nothing stopping her back then.
The only really reason that she didn't end it all back then was the fact that she had something she lost since becoming a proxy.
Hope.
Back then, while life wasn't exactly easy, there was still a lot that could be done with her life and talents. She was decent at English, she could have become an author. She could play piano, maybe she could have become a pianist.
Shaking her head, she wrenched her window open. She wouldn't leave the grounds, she assured herself as she jumped out the window. No, her spot wasn't too far away. Granted, she would have gone back to the roof, but with how Jeff had shown up out of nowhere, that was something that she didn't want to risk.
She finally reached an old leafless tree, just as a thin fog began to settle in. It stood tall, even on the brink of death. It was so familiar to her, memories of three girls running around it when it had green leaves as she touched the trunk, before climbing onto a branch, sitting on it with her back leaning on the trunk, left leg bent on the trunk, while the right hung off the side.
Without her mask, her breath made white puffs in the air as the sun kissed the mountains, slowly disappearing behind the tall hills.
If she had the choice, she'd stay here forever. It would be nice, she thought to herself, to just disappear. She could stay here and finally have that quiet time she's always been looking for.
But no, she couldn't be left alone for that long, and she knew it. If there was one person she didn't want to be stuck with forever, it was her own self.
"Lollipop! Where are you?" A loud voice yelled, cutting Lilith from her thoughts, the voices finally coming to an agreed silence.
She stayed quiet, only now noticing that the sun had fully set, leaving anyone unfamiliar and lost in this area.
She watched as the tall monochrome clown walked into the area, looking around like a blind man with his hands held out in front of him, "Come on, Lollipop, I saw you fall out your window! Knowing that you're not one to defy Slenderman, you've got to be around here!"
"I'm right here." Lilith murmured, sliding out of the tree, her hood falling nicely to cover her face, "What do you want?"
She couldn't see anything other than the ground, but she could hear LJ's sober expression through his sigh, "I just wanted to see if you were okay."
"I'm fine." Lilith murmured, her voice nearly cracking, "Is there any other reason you came after me? It's getting dark and foggy out here. You know as well as I do that you could easily get lost out here."
"Pff, like that matters," LJ grinned, trying too hard to keep the mood up, "I mean, being loss out here doesn't matter much, not when Slender has us all in his pocket dimension."
"You're avoiding my question." Lilith said, so close to snapping at him.
LJ sighed, "Slenderman wanted me to find you. He's worried."
Lilith nodded, "Right." She murmured, before shoving her hands into her pockets, "Let's get going."
LJ gave her a look, as the dark girl walked off, "Hey, Lollipop-."
"I've told you to stop calling me that." Lilith nearly snarled.
LJ couldn't help but feel a bit of fear spike up inside of him, "Alright, fine, Lilith. Is something wrong? You and Slenderman had a talk, right? Did he say something?"
"…That is none of your business." Lilith said quietly, the voices beginning to whisper again.
"You can't keep it in all of your life." LJ murmured, "If you need someone to talk to-."
"No thank you." Lilith said, being a bit louder, as the voices matched her volume. Her head was spinning, with all of these new voices.
"No, you need to listen." LJ insisted, grabbing her shoulders, "You can't keep it all in, you're going to end up ripping yourself to shreds from the inside out."
"LJ, let me go, now." Lilith growled through grinded teeth, the voices becoming harsher.
"No, not until you get it." LJ said back, shaking Lilith around a bit, "You need someone to speak with, someone to trust with your thoughts-."
Lilith growled in a very feral way, before pushing him back, "Damn it, LJ! I'm fine! I don't need anyone, not now, not ever! Just stop trying, I'm a lost cause!" She yelled, finally losing control.
She waited for him to say something, only to have two lanky arms wrap around her, pulling her close into a comforting hug, "Calm down, Lollipop." He murmured, resting the side of his head on hers, "Just let it all out, you'll be fine."
Lilith fought herself tooth to nail, fighting to keep it all in, "I'm f-fine." Lilith gasped out, "Now, let go. I have things I need to do before I go to sleep."
LJ sighed, before letting go, "If you insist right now, I'll back up. But, remember, I'm always-."
"Yeah, I know." Lilith cut in, before forging on, "Now, come on, we have to get back soon."
LJ watched the girl slowly disappear into the gloom, before shaking his head, "This girl…I swear." He grinned, a hand on his forehead before he threw his head back, laughing maniacally, "S-she can be such a pain sometimes!"
"God, she can be so adorable."
And, more ships form, some die, all set sail.
So, you must be wondering where I get the inspiration to write something as dark as this.
I'll be honest, no better inspiration then your own life lessons.
I'll admit, I'm as similar to Lilith as I am to Amy. I'm a total, Amy, always smiling, laughing, the life of the party. I'm there to make others smile, forget the shit of life, to have fun.
But, that's just like a sort of cloak.
I'd like to think that I hide it pretty well, but, I know that deep down inside, I'm a Lilith.
I have so many problems in my head, in my life, but I keep quiet. It's my issues, no one needs to worry but me about it. Honesty, I try to laugh at myself, laugh at what I had to deal with, but, something I just can't laugh at.
I've always been told to talk to someone, but I was never the best at sharing.
But, now that I'm writing this, knowing that there are other people like me, like Lilith, are out there, I guess hat I feel safe sharing behind the knowledge that you probably don't know me.
...With that said, I've had to pour out my heart for this rather short chapter, so I'll need some time until I come back. I'll get to it as soon as possible, but writing this just gave me the feels.
But, no more of that, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Love it? Hate it? Tell me!
Well, time next time, bye bye!