Chapter 25

Tim walked into the NICU, praying that this would be the day.

"Hello, Tim."

"Hi, Opal." He didn't ask. He just stood there, waiting. She knew what he wanted to know.

She smiled.

"Yes, Tim. They've stabilized just like I said they would. You can touch them. You can't hold them yet, but another few days and I think we'll have some time for you to hold them. And once Delilah is ready for it, we'll get her holding them, too."

Tim smiled back, feeling more relief than anything else. He eagerly followed Opal to the incubators holding his daughters. They were so tiny, but they were breathing and eating now, and the heartbeats had regulated.

Tim stood there, staring them.

"You've been waiting for this, Tim. Don't wait any longer."

Tim took a breath and he put his hand into each incubator and gently touched his daughters for the first time. They were labeled.

"Hello, Esther," Tim whispered. "I'm your daddy. Evelyn. I'm your daddy."

Both babies stirred a little bit when he touched them. He pulled his hands back.

"Keep touching them, Tim," Opal said from behind them. "Reaction to stimulus is a good thing. You're not hurting them."

He tentatively touched them again. Again, they stirred.

"Are they okay?" he asked.

"Yes. Their stats are very good for being pre-term. You should be prepared for a few weeks in the NICU, but if they continue the way they are, in a year, you won't even be able to tell that they were pre-term."

Tim stood there for a while, just touching his daughters. He had never realized how much of a difference a few weeks could make...and how much of a difference being twins could make. Tommy had been premature, but only by a few weeks, and he hadn't been sharing the space with anyone. He had been in the NICU for a couple of days and then everything had been normal. This was so different.

"When can I hold them?" he asked.

"Another day or two, probably two," Opal said. "We'll reevaluate and you'll know. Tim, you'll know as soon as you can hold them."

"They're so small."

"But they're thriving, Tim. I know that the way they were born was frightening, but they're doing very well. You just have to give them time...and trust us. We want them to have the best outcome possible."

"I know. Can my son come and see them? He's three."

"We have a special screening process for young children. We don't want to risk infection, but yes, if he passes the screening, he can see them, too."

"Okay."

Tim wanted to tell Delilah that he'd been able to touch the twins, but he also didn't want to stop.

"I need to tell my wife," he said softly.

And then he didn't move.

"Tim?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you going?"

Tim smiled.

"Yeah."

Reluctantly, he carefully pulled his hands from the incubators and stood back as Opal began checking all the monitors.

"I'll be back," he said.

"I know you will," Opal said, smiling. "We'll be here."

"Okay."

Finally, Tim left the NICU and headed for Delilah's room. The c-section had been harder on her because of it becoming an emergency surgery and she was having a hard time getting to the point where she could sit up long enough to go to the NICU herself. Plus, she was having all the usual afterbirth effects as well. All in all, she was pretty miserable at the moment and Tim was leery of making things worse in any way.

Still, he walked into the room and sat down beside her as she slept. He took her hand and held it gently.

I'll never put her through this again, he thought to himself.

Then, Delilah's hand flexed and squeezed his. Her eyes opened.

"Hey, Tim. Did you see them?" she asked as she did every time he came into the room.

Tim smiled. "I touched them today. Opal says that we'll be able to hold them in a couple of days, probably."

Delilah smiled, but there was some pain with the smile.

"I hate not being able to see them," she said.

"You'll make it," Tim said. "I don't want you to push yourself too hard. You'll get to see them. You'll get to hold them. It's going to happen, Delilah. It will."

He brushed his hand across her forehead and then kissed her gently.

"Tommy wants to see you. Are you okay with that?"

Delilah smiled.

"As long as you can keep him from attacking me."

"I will."

"Then, yes. I want to see him. Is Tony still here?"

"No. He had to go back, but he's coming on the weekend, he said."

"I'm glad he was here for you."

"So am I."

Delilah nodded and closed her eyes.

"We never could have guessed it would be like this," she said.

"Even if we could have, we wouldn't really have known what that meant. It's one thing to read about it. It's another to go through it."

She squeezed his hand more tightly.

"Yeah. I'm glad you're here, Tim. I couldn't do this on my own."

"I'd never leave you."

"I know."

They sat together in silence and then Tim went to get Tommy. He wouldn't let his son get forgotten in the chaos currently gripping their lives. He needed to be loved, too.

We'll get through this.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Four days later...

Tony carefully pushed the wheelchair down the hall.

"Why isn't Tim doing this?" he asked.

"He's where I want to go," Delilah said. "I couldn't stand waiting any longer and this was the first time my doctor has allowed me to get out of bed. If you hadn't come in, I would have waited until Tim came to visit, but you had great timing, Tony."

"I guess I did."

They got to the NICU and were passed in. They made sure that their hands were completely clean and then they went over to the incubators where Esther and Evelyn were. ...only they weren't in the incubators.

Tim was sitting on a chair, slightly reclined, holding them under the watchful eye of Opal, the NICU nurse. He was speaking quietly to them and Delilah stopped Tony from going any further. Tony looked down at her and saw the smile on her face. Then, he looked at Tim and suddenly, he realized that Tim was singing. Not the Carpenters this time but something else.

"Summertime, and the living is easy.
Fish are jumpin' and the cotton is high.
Oh, your daddy's rich and your ma is good-lookin'
So hush, little babies, don't you cry."

His voice was so soft that it was almost not singing at all, but it was a such a tender scene that Tony could see Delilah was reluctant to interrupt.

Then, Tim looked up from the twins and Tony was rewarded with the goofy smile he had predicted Tim would have on his face when he got to hold his daughters.

"Hey," he said, softly. "My mom used to sing that song to me when I was little. Delilah, do you want to hold them?"

"Just one at a time for me," she said. "Yes."

"Then, it had better be Evelyn first. After all, she's the one taking after you," Tim said.

Delilah laughed softly.

"Okay."

Tony gently rolled her over to Tim. Then, there was a careful dance of getting Evelyn off of Tim and over to Delilah with all the monitors and tubes. Opal was very experienced with the process and she made sure there was no distress to anyone.

Then, Tim and Delilah were sitting side by side, each holding one of the twins. Tony wished he had his camera, but they didn't even allow phones in the NICU. After far too short a time, Opal said they had to go back into the incubators, not wanting to push it too much on their first time out. Both Tim and Delilah were obviously reluctant to let them go, but neither of them protested.

"Now that they're tolerating being out of the incubators, you can come and hold them, and you should as much as you can. It's good for you and it's good for them," Opal said once they were settled in the incubators again.

"Thank you," Tim said.

"I need to get back to bed," Delilah said, looking a little pained. "But I have great timing."

"Perfect timing," Tim said. "I didn't know you were being allowed out of bed. I would have come to get you."

"I know. It's all right. I'm just jealous," Delilah said.

Tim smiled. "Just watch. They're both going to be mommy's girls and they'll never want me once they're aware of who is holding them."

"Oh, don't threaten me with that, Tim," Delilah said. "I know what you mean and I'm not going to be the only one getting up in the night."

Tim's smile widened to a grin.

Tony enjoyed seeing Tim in a more relaxed state. He'd been operating at a high level of stress for a long time and he seemed to be doing better. Tony didn't know what was causing it, but he was relieved.

When they got back to Delilah's room, Tony watched as Tim helped Delilah get back in bed and get settled. She sighed with relief and fell asleep quickly. Tim brushed some hair out of her face and then sat back and took a deep breath.

"Tim, you okay?" Tony asked, keeping his voice low.

Tim turned around to face him and Tony saw the weariness Tim had hidden before.

"Yeah. It's just hard doing all this. Taking care of Tommy, being here for Delilah, checking on the girls, being there as much as I can. I can't imagine working at the same time."

"You couldn't have done it, and I don't think anyone could have. Something would have to fall."

Tim nodded.

"So you seem to be doing okay. Are you just pretending?"

"I might be acting better than I am, but I am okay," Tim said. "The last thing Delilah needs right now is to worry about me."

"Someone has to worry about you."

Suddenly, Tim grinned.

"That's what you're here for," he said.

Tony chuckled.

"Anyone else?"

Tim looked a little uncomfortable and he shrugged.

"Maybe."

"Like?"

"Ducky and Jimmy have been dropping by. I don't think I've had to cook a meal since Delilah went to the hospital. Tommy's been able to play with Victoria and that keeps him from worrying."

"I'm glad," Tony said. "You shouldn't feel bad about that."

"Who says I do?"

"Oh, come on. Don't play that game. I know you too well."

"Yeah, I know. You're way too used to me falling apart."

"No, I'm just your friend."

Tim stood up.

"And I can't tell you how much I appreciate it."

"You've been saying thank you constantly for years. I have an idea," Tony said.

"But I still can't tell you how much I appreciate it. No matter how often I say it won't be enough."

"It is enough," Tony said. "I get it."

Tim shook his head and smiled.

"I don't think you really do, but that's okay. You don't have to." One more deep breath. "I'd better get home to Tommy."

They started to leave and Tony slung his arm around Tim's shoulders.

"You're doing a great job, Tim."

"Thanks, Tony. That means a lot."

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

For the next few weeks, Tim got into a kind of exhausting rhythm. For the first couple of weeks, Delilah's mother was there and she helped out with Tommy and with Delilah when she first got out of the hospital, but after that, she had to get back home and Tim was sure he could manage it all. First, he helped Delilah get up, get dressed and settled. Then, he would get Tommy up. They would have breakfast in the bedroom together. Then, Tim would go to the hospital and help change the twins and feed them. He would spend some time holding them. Then, he would go back home, play with Tommy for a while and make sure Delilah didn't need any help. Then, he got lunch. After lunch, they would all pack into the car and go to the hospital to spend some time with the twins as a family. Then, back home again. Tim would make sure Delilah was comfortable and then play with Tommy. Then, he would get dinner, usually supplied by Ducky or Jimmy and Breena. Then, it was back to the hospital one more time to help change and feed the twins and hold them before going back home.

Tim was exhausted every night when he finally could stop for a few minutes after Delilah was in bed and Tommy was asleep. He would take those few minutes to sit alone before falling asleep. Most of the time, he was up with Tommy at least once during the night from nightmares or wetting the bed or getting up for no reason other than he was a three-year-old hardwired to be full of manic energy at all times. Occasionally, Delilah would wake up and need something, too.

Tony would often come on the weekend, but Tim barely had time to think about anything other than making sure everyone in his family was taken care of. Until Delilah recovered from her surgery, Tim was the only one who could do it. He tried to check in at work occasionally, but more often than not, he just couldn't focus on anything but his family. If there was anything good about how full his days were, it was that he had no time to think about anything else. He couldn't think about the past year. He couldn't think about Gibbs. He couldn't think about what people were thinking of him. All he could do was try to keep his head above water until the night came.