A/N: Happy birthday to jamesramsey09! You are a wonderful chica, and I promise this update has NO SPIDERS in it! Just for you!
All standard disclaimers apply.
Wisp
The nightmares started a week later.
Academically, Edward knew that human beings could do amazing things in their sleep. Studies proved that people were capable of walking, talking, eating, having sex, and even performing complicated, ritualistic behavior while remaining fully asleep.
Witnessing it was another matter.
Up until now, Wisp had slept like the dead. She didn't snore or whistle as she breathed, and she barely moved at all. She slept like she did everything else—with a single-minded intensity that Edward could only admire.
When the nightmares started, she still remained stationary in his bed, on his chest. Her body did not flail; she didn't strike out against her nighttime terrors with her arms or legs. If anything she grew even stiller, her body tensing, muscles tightening and holding to a point where Edward knew she'd be sore in the morning. No, it wasn't movement that belied the fear in her mind.
It was the noises.
Edward swore he'd never heard a human being make the sort of noises she made when a nightmare took her. Rather than the high, hysterical cries that accompanied a bad meltdown, these were...almost animal. Low, guttural noises escaped her mouth, sounds that came from deep inside her abdomen. Terse and clipped, like her body couldn't sustain such a pain-filled sound for more than a handful of seconds at a time, they came over and over and over until Edward was able to break through whatever hold her unconscious had on her body and wake her.
The nightmares didn't come every night, for which Edward was incredibly thankful, but he came to learn that they soured the next day without fail. Wisp was tense and fearful the day after a nightmare, and she didn't want to do anything except sit in Edward's lap. She cried when he tried to put her down, just as she had those first few days after he brought her back from the hospital, and—perhaps worst of all—she refused to speak. Not a word. She struggled against her body's need for sleep, refusing the naps she so badly needed, until she was so tense, exhausted, and cranky that she invariably broke down and cried herself to sleep sometime late in the day.
The day after a nightmare, Edward felt like they were back at square one—like she was still the girl who wedged herself behind the couch, filthy and terrified, incapable of being soothed by language. He couldn't find it in himself to be angry or frustrated with her—not when he saw how haunted those big brown eyes were—but the day after a nightmare left neither of them in what he'd call the best of moods.
It was fitting, then—just their luck—that, the night before Scott Williams was to make his first scheduled home visit, Edward woke to the sound of low, terrified cries and a girl as tense as a rock curled in a little ball on his chest.
While his mind was still half-asleep, his eyes blinking away the blurry remnants of unconsciousness, Edward's body was already reacting. He sat up, wrapping his arms around the hard little lump of girl in his lap, his hands searching for her shoulders and then shaking gently.
"Wisp," he croaked, his voice thick and raw with sleep. "Wisp, baby girl, wake up, please. It's okay. You're safe, sweetheart. Come on, you can do it."
Those cries absolutely gutted him. He had no idea a human being could make sounds like that, and every time he heard them he shuddered internally, terrified of what her mind did while Wisp slept. He could feel her body convulse with each cry, tightening further, abusing what little muscle mass she had. Her face scrunched and twisted so tight that it was almost unrecognizable and, eerily, her eyes and cheeks were dry and tearless.
"Wisp, honey." Edward shook her gently again, then found the tight rock of her fist and tried to ease it open. Her fingers weren't budging. "Wisp, come on. It's not real. Open your eyes and you'll see." He dipped his fingers in the cup of water he always kept by his bedside, then tapped her cheek sharply with the wetness. "Wake up. Come on, you can do it."
Her body flinched, tensing further at the sudden cold, wet touch, and her cry increased in pitch for a long moment before she ran out of breath, the keening plea cut abruptly short. She dragged a ragged breath into her lungs, her body twitching with a sudden jerk that Edward knew well by now. She was waking up.
"That's it," he cajoled, dipping his head to bring his mouth close to her ear, hoping to be heard over whatever nightmare held her captive. "That's it. Relax, sweet girl. Open your eyes and come back to me. I promise, whatever you're afraid of, none of it is real." Well, not now, he added silently. He had no doubt that, whatever nightmares held her hostage, they were indeed real at some point in time. "Good girl, open your eyes."
After a few more minutes, she did. The glassy, far-away look in her eyes, as if she weren't truly there, had frightened Edward the first few times he saw it. Now, weeks after her first nightmare, he was growing accustomed to the unnerving sight.
She blinked a few times, squinting in the dim golden wash of lamplight, her breaths loud and shallow. In this in-between moment, Edward had no idea if she really knew where she was, or even that she wasn't alone. Her face and hair were damp with sweat, and he suspected her body would be, too, if he reached under the baggy flannel of her pajamas to touch her skin.
"Deep breaths," he said softly, pulling her still-tense body closer as he leaned back against the headboard of his bed. "Come on, little Wisp, you can do it. Breathe with me, okay? Just breathe." He placed his mouth near her ear again and inhaled for a slow count of five, then held for a moment before exhaling equally slowly. "Good girl, you can do it. Show me you're all right." Inhale. Hold. Exhale.
Whether purposefully or not, after a minute her breaths began to sync with his. She sucked air desperately into her lungs, her body fighting for the oxygen it knew it needed. Sharp, quick breaths smoothed, slowly lengthening and easing to match Edward's.
Only then did the tears begin to fall.
She cried silently, her body still stiff and unresponsive, her face a mask of defeat. Edward didn't need words to understand how she felt in that moment—her body told him everything. She felt like whatever real-life nightmare she'd been through, it was never going to end. She'd never be free of it, because she couldn't control what her brain did while she slept. No matter how much Edward held her, he couldn't stop the demons in her own head.
But oh, god, he wished he could.
"I'm so, so sorry," he told her, whispering the words against her ear, smelling the sharp salt of her tears. "I'd take it away if I could, little Wisp. You know I would."
He held her for a long time, ignoring the glowing numbers on his digital clock as they ticked closer and closer to morning. His hands rubbed slow, soothing circles over her back and arm, fingers easing through the snarls in her long hair, trying to coax away the tears. By now, he knew that she wasn't going to fall asleep again—not after a nightmare. They were both up for the day.
"Come on," he said, shifting her in his arms. "You need to relax, honey. I want to try something, okay?"
She made no response, verbal or otherwise, to make him think she'd heard him.
Still, Edward pressed on. He'd never been a believer in relaxation techniques, meditation, or any of that shit, but he was willing to try just about anything to help Wisp relax. He hated the way she moved around the day after a nightmare, like an old woman, her whole body obviously in pain. Tanya had been a massage therapist and had been able to do wonders the few times he'd been tense and upset and she took pity on him. He had no training and little grasp of anatomy beyond the basics, but he figured he probably couldn't do any harm.
Starting with her sock-clad feet, Edward began slowly massaging her body. This would probably work better if she lay down, but he didn't even bother trying. For the next twelve hours or so, she was stubbornly going to stay in his lap, not moving unless absolutely necessary. He did what he could in the position they were in, trying not to wish for things that he knew were impossible.
Even her feet were tense, the muscles tight and hard, and Edward worked his thumbs cautiously into the unhappy knots of tissue around her instep. She had ridiculously high arches he realized, moving his hands, holding one foot at a time, starting gently and then getting a little firmer, digging hesitantly into the tense, unhappy tissue. Wisp made a small sound, something like surprise, but she didn't pull her foot away from his hands. He was distracting her, at least, if nothing else.
Edward kept his touches gentle for the most part, as he had no real idea what he was doing. He didn't think a massage could injure someone, but he certainly didn't want to find out. His hands squeezed and then released, urging her muscles to release, too, to relax as he relaxed her. He worked slowly from her feet to her knees, only moving on when he felt the painful knots in her body ease. Wisp sat quietly in his lap, no longer crying, her head pillowed on his shoulder and her soft eyes watching his hands.
When he reached her knees, Edward switched to her hands. He worked at her palms and the meat of her thumbs, smoothing his touch up her arms, headed for her shoulders. The farther he got, the easier it became. It was like her body recognized what he was trying to do, relaxing and loosening under his gentle, kneading touch.
Wisp turned readily in his arms when he guided her to face him, and her legs shifted to straddle his. She cuddled close, chest to chest, a small sound of surprised happiness tickling his neck as his hands started at her lower back, moving toward her shoulders and then back down. The tense muscles went limp under his gentle, seeking hands, her body conforming to his like putty. He rubbed her back gently, smoothing his hands over the soft flannel of her pajamas, loving the quiet, pleased little sigh exhaled against his skin.
She did not fall asleep again—that was asking far too much of a simple unskilled massage—but she did sit quietly with him, tears gone, until the dim light of an overcast dawn filtered through the blinds. Edward sighed, hugging her warm little body close to his chest. He was exhausted, and this was going to be a long day.
For both of them.
Though Wisp usually took a bath at night, Edward opted to give her one this morning. She was covered in dried sweat and tears, and he hoped the hot water would help soothe her further.
Wisp let him put her in the tub with only a small whine of displeasure, but she absolutely would not let him leave her side. Red-rimmed brown eyes watched him warily each time he moved, and Edward knew better than to push her. The last thing they needed today was a full-scale meltdown.
"I really, really hope you'll be good today," he told her as he rinsed the conditioner out of her hair. He still didn't understand why girls needed two bottles of hair stuff when they cleaned, but Alice had left it and it seemed a pity to waste the bottle. "Not that you're ever, well, bad or anything. I just—Scott hasn't seen you since he let me bring you home, and I'd really like him to be as proud of you as I am."
She said nothing, still watching him semi-suspiciously as if she thought he might disappear at any moment.
"I send him progress reports every week, you know," he continued, carefully wiping at the tear tracks on her cheeks. "He's had a hard time believing some of them—I know, because he called Emmett and Jasper and even Carlisle for verification, even though Carlisle's hardly ever here. I'm not saying you have to perform like a trained seal or anything, but this really wasn't the best night for a nightmare, you know?"
Wisp didn't speak, but she reached out and touched his cheek with her wet fingers.
"Yeah, I know. It's not your fault. I hate that you have to have those nightmares at all. It guts me to hear you hurt."
During breakfast, which Wisp barely picked at—not usual for her—Edward was unsurprised to get a call from Rosalie. Today was supposed to be one of her "babysitting" days, but everyone knew Scott was coming for an official visit.
The minute she heard his voice, Rose knew what sort of night they'd had.
"As soon as he leaves, let me know," she said. "I'll be over to give you a break."
"It won't do any good," Edward said, though he sorely wished it were that simple. By mid-afternoon he'd be dragging, desperate for a nap. "You know she won't stay with you when she gets like this."
The one time they'd tried had not gone over well. Normally Wisp didn't have a problem being left with Rosalie for short periods of time—though, perhaps oddly, no one else—but the day after a nightmare she refused to leave Edward.
"Call me anyway. We'll figure something out."
Yeah, he'd try. Maybe at the very least Rose could distract Wisp, even if the girl refused to leave his arms.
"You know you have nothing to be worried about, right? Scott's on your side now—as much as an official can be. He just needs to see for himself how she's doing."
"Yeah." Edward rubbed at his messy hair with one hand, watching Wisp pick at her breakfast. Maybe he'd ask Rose to pick up a pizza for lunch to tempt her, since she wasn't eating. Wisp had never tried pizza, but he couldn't imagine anyone not liking it. "I get that. I just...this was the last thing we needed today, you know? I wish I could call and tell him to reschedule, but it'll look suspicious."
"He works with other cases, too. I'm sure the man knows that everyone has off days."
Except, Edward had wanted so badly to show Scott a good day. Wisp had made incredible progress in the weeks she'd been with him, and he felt an intense sort of need to show her caseworker in person what an intelligent, perceptive girl she was. Though Scott had progress reports and video to back those up, Edward still felt a pang of anxious fear that the man might take her away if this visit didn't go well. Logically he knew it was highly unlikely—the process for removing someone from a caregiver wasn't so immediate. The fear came, not from the likelihood of the scenario, but from the devastation it would cause, should it happen. What would happen to all of Wisp's accomplishments if she were taken away? How far would she regress, and for how long? Would she ever really be able to trust again?
More selfishly, Edward didn't want her to go. Despite the nightmares, the infrequent meltdowns, the changes to his house and routine, he didn't want to lose her. She...did something to him. It wasn't just about being a good Samaritan anymore and, if he was honest, it hadn't been for quite some time. He didn't just want to help a poor girl caught in an unfortunate circumstance. He wanted to help Wisp.
"I love her, you know." Edward couldn't say for sure just why he trusted Rose not to use the information against him, but he did.
"Uh...I hate to break it to you, Edward, but that's not news. It's so not news. That's like...like telling me politicians are self-centered, or New Jersey smells funny." She snorted indelicately. "Everyone knows you love that little girl. We do, too, believe it or not. Even Carlisle, who she doesn't like."
It wasn't so much that she didn't like Carlisle, but she refused to really get to know him. Edward didn't bother to correct Rosalie, though. It didn't matter all that much at this point. What mattered was making the best impression they could when Scott arrived.
To that end, he said goodbye and ended the call, then hustled both of them into the bathroom. Wisp had already had a bath this morning, but he needed a shower. Most of the time he didn't bother on a day after a nightmare, but he really needed it today.
"Okay," he told Wisp, looking her in the eyes. "I know you're not going to be happy either way, but I'm giving you a choice. I have to take a shower. You can wait for me in here, or you can stay outside with Pet. I promise to be as quick as I can, but you're afraid of the shower and even if you weren't, I'm not taking you in there with me."
She stared back at him wordlessly, worrying the soft swell of her lower lip with her teeth.
"Here." Edward set her down on the counter next to the sink and handed her her toothbrush. "You brush your teeth, okay? I'm going to shower, and I promise to hurry. It's a...what do you call it...a compromise."
Her suspicious gaze didn't waver even as she accepted the toothbrush, so Edward wasn't surprised when she cried out softly as he stepped away from her. God, that sound tore him to pieces. He was not good about putting his foot down where Wisp was concerned, but sometimes he just didn't have a choice. He needed to shower and she needed to...not be there while he did it.
Trying to ignore her upset noises the best he could, Edward stepped into the shower stall, closed the door behind him, and tossed his clothes over the top before turning on the water. The rushing sound muffled the rising noise of Wisp's frightened cries, and for that he was grateful. Even a five-minute shower was going to be difficult if he had to listen to her the whole time. When she cried, all he wanted to do was pick her up and soothe whatever it was that hurt her. The fact that he couldn't this time...yeah, he definitely didn't like it.
A soft thump met his ears as he quickly scrubbed his body. He couldn't see through the frosted glass door, but he suspected Wisp had slipped off the counter and was now on the floor again. Edward made a mental note to be careful he didn't step on her when he left the shower—the last time he'd done this, she'd waited literally right on the other side of the glass until he finished showering.
Taking a deep breath, Edward tried to prepare himself mentally for the scheduled visit. Scott would come to the house, and he'd look around. He'd ask questions. Everything would be fine—not like his first visit, when he was accompanied by that witch of a psychiatrist. Scott wouldn't be cowed by the older, more experienced woman this time. He'd be able to judge for himself, really see what sort of person Wisp was and the relationship they shared. Everything would be fine.
As Edward stuck his head under the shower spray to rinse away shampoo, a gust of cool air swirled into the shower. He opened his eyes and immediately got a stinging eyeful of soap, but not before catching a blurry glimpse of the open shower door and a little figure huddled at the base of it.
"Shit!"
Edward swore it felt exactly like he'd been dumped into a slapstick cartoon as he frantically tried to shut the water off, grab a towel, clear the soap from his stinging eyes, and remain on his feet at the same time.
"Wisp," he said finally, clutching the towel around his waist, soapy water still dripping from his hair. Even his mouth tasted sort of like shampoo. "Wisp, no."
She stared at him with those huge eyes, and he had absolutely no idea whether she paid any attention to what he was saying or if it was just his ridiculous appearance catching her interest.
Edward knelt on the floor of the shower and caught her chin in one hand, urging her to meet his eyes. "No," he said, clear and firm—the first time, he thought, he'd ever really seriously told her to stop.
The color drained from her face as those big eyes widened further, and then she burst into tears.
Edward laughed.
It wasn't an appropriate reaction; he knew that. But he was tired, wet, soapy, and beyond stressed out about her caseworker's visit—and, suddenly, it all seemed so incredibly ridiculous.
"What on earth am I going to do with you?" He stepped carefully out of the shower and lifted her into his arms, letting her cling to him as tightly as she wanted. "Come on, you sweet, ridiculous thing. I have to get dressed. And maybe put a lock on the shower door."
She gulped back sobs, clinging tightly, her little fingers digging almost painfully into his shoulders, but Edward said nothing. Yeah, they were obviously going to have to work on boundaries, but he was going to have to find another way to do it if a firm 'no' led so perilously close to a meltdown. He dressed quickly in his closet, giving up on the idea of washing all the soap out of his hair until at least tonight, maybe tomorrow. Whenever she finally let him out of her sight for more than thirty seconds at a time.
"Now," he said, still rubbing at his hair with the towel as he exited the closet and picked a begging Wisp up again, "we've got some stuff to talk about, you and me." Carrying her downstairs, he settled them both on the couch. Attempting to put her down was pointless. "You may or may not remember Scott, but he's coming to see you today. I'm sorry you're not having a good day, but I'd really love it if we could turn that around. Show him, you know, what a great girl you are."
A small, hiccuping breath caught in her throat as she watched him, eyes glassy with tears.
"You're such a good girl," Edward added, a little softer. "I want him to know how amazing you are."
As if on cue, the doorbell rang.
"It's open," Edward called. Getting up and down to answer the door wasn't big on his list of priorities when Wisp refused to leave his lap.
Edward was expecting Scott.
He wasn't expecting the woman beside him.
"Mr. Cullen," Dr. Lawton said, face blank, eyes taking in the room, the couch...the girl on his lap.
A/N: I am supposed to blame the birthday girl for the cliffhanger - she said it was okay!
This update was a little shorter than normal because the next one's gonna be a doozy! *cue maniacal laugh* Loves you, duckies!
Thank you for all the wonderful reviews! I'm so glad that most of you felt glad Wisp was able to say no, and have that respected by the people in her new life! Remember, if you review anonymously I can't answer your questions!