Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto only my characters.
As always a big thank you to my Beta cheekylips.
Chapter 25 Second Thoughts
The next day Maiha rose early, hoping to avoid Kakashi on the streets of the village. She wasn't ready to face him yet, not to mention she still had a lot of confused feelings that she needed to sort out. Going about her normal routine she headed over to the flower shop. Upon her arrival Ino shot her a goo goo eyed look.
"I've been waiting for you Maiha."
Maiha frowned. "Waiting for me?
The perky blonde nodded. "Yeah, you are here for your sunflower right?"
"Yes, just like always."
Ino smiled with a dreamy look in her eyes, "Here it is," and she held it out in front of her.
"Ino, are you ok?" Maiha asked confused on her behavior.
"Oh yes I'm great, but I have a note that goes with your sunflower."
"A note? From who?"
"I dono. An academy student came by this morning and said that he had a mission to complete. He was so cute," she smiled and her nose scrunched up. "He brought me a note that he had written himself and said that it needed to go to the kunoichi asking for a single sunflower. Of course I knew that it was you right away. He said that handing the note to me to give to you completed his mission."
Maiha smiled, "That is cute."
"So open it already," Ino fidgeted urging her to hurry.
Maiha opened the note, "It says 'Please'."
"'Please', that's all it says?"
"Yep," Maiha nodded.
Ino seemed disappointed. "Well who is it from?"
"Doesn't say." Maiha of course had a good idea as very few knew that part about her daily routine, though it had been habitual for some time now.
After saying goodbye to Ino, she went on her way to see Ai and placed the sunflower at the memorial. She spent a little time there before being approached by one of Tsunade's messengers. "Lady Hokage has a mission for you please come with me to her office."
"Okay, let's go," Maiha responded and followed him to the Hokage tower.
"Good morning Lady Hokage."
"Good morning Maiha. I know this mission isn't of a high ranking Maiha, but from the rumor that I have heard, it sounds like you could use a day out of the village."
"Wow I didn't think that whole situation was rumor worthy but you're right Lady Hokage, I could use a day away."
"All right then. Your mission is to escort an elderly woman back to a neighboring village. She is unable to walk long distances so is considered very vulnerable. She will be traveling by horse; all you have to do is lead it to her village. You will have to proceed slowly so the woman has agreed to put you up for the night and then you can return to Konoha in the morning. She is already awaiting your escort outside."
"Yes Lady Hokage. I will return tomorrow, have a good day."
Maiha began to lead the horse out of the village gate and was spotted by Kakashi. "Hmm… a mission Little Kunoichi, why am I not surprised that you didn't tell me. I trust you will be just fine though." He smiled under his mask. That was all right with him, it gave him time to plot his next move.
Trying to be courteous, Maiha engaged in small talk with the old woman to pass the time of the journey back to her village. She found that the woman was very pleasant and easy to get along with, but as old woman have a curiosity about young people's lives, she began to pry into Maiha's life story.
"Young kunoichi?"
"Yes ma'am"
"What troubles you?"
"What do you mean ma'am."
"You are having troubles in matters of the heart, yes?"
Yeesh is there a tag on my forehead or something? "Oh it's nothing really, well, not nothing, but not something either."
"Ah, confusion."
"Well, uh… I don't know," she exhaled, "I can't stop thinking about him. I can't push him out of my thoughts. But I can't be with him; he doesn't want the relationship to progress any more than just close acquaintances. He means a lot to me so I must be willing to respect that."
"Do you love this, man?"
"Yes," the acknowledgement flew out of her mouth without hesitation. Shocked to hear the word escape her mind and pass over her lips she stopped dead in her tracks to process how she had just responded. She looked up at the woman in astonishment and the old woman gave her a warm smile.
"Does he know your true feelings?"
"I don't think so, I don't think he knows or understands how deep my feelings for him run. I am not sure if he is purposely evading them, doesn't understand or is just plain blind."
The old woman chuckled, "Maybe a little bit of each my child, but the ambiguity of your feelings resides on both his side as well as yours."
"How so? I am sure that these feelings I have for him are real or I wouldn't be in such a state right now. He has done something that has hurt me deeply."
"Why are you being so self-righteous? By not letting go of this hurt you are causing yourself so much unnecessary suffering. I don't know what he has done nor do I need to know." The old woman paused. "Stop resisting the need to hold on to this hurt, you do not understand why he has made this mistake that you have taken to heart. You have to accept this fact, what's done is done even if he wanted to he can't take it back. If you love him you will forgive him, if you are unwilling to forgive him you cannot say that you love him."
The old woman's words had dealt Maiha a harsh realization that she was being somewhat irrational about the whole incident. If Kakashi didn't care for her, even as a very close friend, he wouldn't have acted in such a way.
"Innocence comes with youth, my child, but so does foolishness. Men are simple creatures it is true, but women tend to over think how a man 'should' think or feel. The combination of the two is where most misunderstandings of relationships lie. Love can give us great strength and euphoric feelings that are pleasing to the mind for it is that part of love that we most desire. But it can also give us deep sorrow and bring despair, which is the part that we most dread. It makes us shield our hearts and in turn does not allow us to experience a love that is absolute. To say that you truly love this man you have to think not with your mind but by way of your inner self. To embrace the love that you feel for this man, you have to find the courage to open your heart and soul. To create a bond between you and he, both of you must be willing to surrender a part of the heart and soul to each other. It is the only way that the bond can draw strength and power to be everlasting."
Maiha was completely perplexed by the old woman's philosophical explanation of her feelings concerning Kakashi. She thought about what everything meant but it only caused more confusion. "So are my feelings for him not true?"
"Ah… once again confusion," the old woman grinned.
Maiha exhaled in frustration.
"Confusion is perfectly acceptable young kunoichi. Absolute love is a complex emotion."
"How will I… do I know?"
"That is a question that I cannot answer, you will have to search for it within yourself."
As Maiha arrived with the old woman at her home her attention was called by two familiar furry faces. It seemed that they had tracked Maiha on her mission. "Urishi, Shiba is there something wrong?" Maiha spoke apprehensively.
The old woman was confused.
Shiba answered "No nothing is wrong we were sent to check up on you."
"Shiba!" Urishi spat out.
"Hey it's the reality of the situation, am I wrong?" Shiba pointed out.
Urushi exhaled, "We were sent to give you something, and to make sure you got to your destination safely."
"Oh, I see," the old woman smiled "Ninken summons."
Maiha looked at the old woman questioningly.
"My dear husband was a leaf shinobi, though he passed many years ago. So I see this man you speak of, he is a shinobi as well then."
"Yes ma'am he is."
"Well then Shiba and Urushi, was it? What have you brought for the young kunoichi?"
Urishi walked up to Maiha and sat in front of her. Maiha noticed a long narrow box attached to his collar. She gently untied it and gave him a pat on the head. She looked at the narrow box intrigued at what could be in it. She opened it slowly and the box produced a beautiful blue silk fan. Maiha spread out the ribs revealing the beautiful hand painted image on the silk material. She gasped, "Oh my goodness, it's so… beautiful."
"Yes it is my child, but do you know what it represents?" the old woman asked.
"I don't understand? Is it more than just a thoughtful gift?"
The old woman exhaled "Children of your generation do not understand symbolism."
"Then please ma'am enlighten me," Maiha asked intrigued.
"Let us go inside so I can rest my weary bones and I will tell you about the symbolism of this gift."
"Guess that's our cue to head out," Shiba announced.
Maiha bent down, "Thank you for coming out here to bring me this beautiful gift, and to check on me," she gave them a smile as she patted both of their heads. "Even though it was he that sent you I still appreciate you carrying out his request."
"You're welcome," and they both disappeared.
"Now, about that gift," the old woman ushered Maiha toward the door. They both entered the house and the old woman sat down on a large sofa and patted the cushion next to her. "Sit my child."
"You were saying ma'am?"
"Yes, the fan itself holds its own symbolism." The old woman touched each section of the fan as she explained its significance to Maiha. "The top handle of the fan symbolizes the beginning of life while the ribs stand for the road of life going out in all directions to bring good fortune and happiness. They are also known for keeping away evil and to be restorative to the soul. The color that he has chosen, blue, I believe he is trying to represent calmness and stability, while the painting of the plumb blossoms brings hopeful new beginnings. So you see my child he did not choose this fan only for its beauty, you do mean something to him and he is trying to recant his own foolishness."
Maiha looked at the fan "Just this one simple gift can mean all that?"
"Yes my child. It seems that you may have misjudged his feelings, as I said females often do."
"I feel like such a fool," Maiha exhaled as she closed the fan and buried her face in her hands.
"You have had a long day and have a lot to think about young kunoichi," the old woman reached over and patted her gently on her knee. "Let me get you settled in for the night, I am sure you will want to be off early tomorrow morning."
"Yes, ma'am I agree. I believe that is best." The old woman collected some linins for Maiha and instructed her to make herself comfortable on the sofa. "Thank you ma'am I will see you in the morning."
"Sleep well young kunoichi."
In the morning Maiha departed after giving the old woman many thanks for her enlightenment as only someone whom has experienced so much of life could.
"Young kunoichi, please tell Lady Tsunade thank you for inviting me to Konoha. It's been a long time since I have been in the village. It was nice to see how it has changed and to see her again."
"I will," Maiha nodded with a smile as she departed. She laughed to herself and thought about her mission briefing with Tsunade. It was strange sending a jounin on a low rank mission. "Huh," she smirked, "Looks like my mission was part of a greater plan."
Now what to do? She had left things so awkward with Kakashi and was having trouble letting go of the hurt he had caused her from his actions. She thought again about the old woman's words. 'Why are you being so self-righteous? By not letting go of this hurt you are causing yourself so much unnecessary suffering. Stop resisting the need to hold on to this hurt, you do not understand why has made this mistake that you have taken to heart. You have to accept this fact, what's done is done even if he wanted to he can't take it back. If you love him you will forgive him, if you are unwilling to forgive him you cannot say that you love him.' Maiha travelled slowly back to Konoha. She had a lot to think about and taking her time would do her some good.
Approximately halfway back Maiha was met by two more furry faces, Biscuit and Akino."Well, he has sent you two out as well, he must be worried," she greeted them with a warm smile.
"Yes we were sent out to accompany you home," Biscuit replied.
"He still won't tell us why we were summoned. He must have done something for it to not be an act of duty," Akino noted. "Did he upset you or something? He wasn't acting like himself."
"Well yes, but that pain is beginning to recede. I just wonder what he was thinking when he did it," she said thinking out loud. "It's not like him to let his emotions drive him to do something out of character." Maiha shrugged, "I guess I'll never know."
"Why don't you just ask him?" Biscuit responded, "I'm sure he'll tell you."
"I can't just come out and ask, not now anyway. Besides, we are not on the greatest of terms right now," Maiha informed them.
"Yeesh, no wonder he was so uptight about our questioning," Biscuit glanced over to Akino.
"Humans," Akino sighed.
Maiha laughed and it felt good to do so, she hadn't had that sensation in a long time. She had concentrated so hard on becoming numb to drown out the pain she had forgotten what being happy with what is, was. "So shall we be getting back to the village?"
"Only if you are ready Maiha, he did tell us that you may need some time," Biscuit informed her.
"The fact that he is sending all of you to look after me lets me know that he understands he has done something wrong. That just has to be enough for me," she said with a more lifelike smile. Letting go of the pain, although it was a slow process for her was rejuvenating. Both Biscuit and Akino escorted her back to the village and to the Hokage's office to fill out the report on her mission.
As Maiha stood at Tsunade's desk handing over her mission report she noticed Maiha's companions and gave her a look of wonderment. Maiha offered her some clarification. "It seems that I am being guided by more than one person, or furry friend here Lady Hokage." She nodded with a smile understanding that the mission she was sent on with the old woman was not just a mission left up to chance.
Tsunade smirked as she sat back in her chair crossing her arms. "You're a clever girl, Maiha. I would not expect anything less from a jounin kunoichi."
Maiha smiled back at her. She had figured out that the entire mission was a set up by Tsunade. "Thank you Lady Hokage and she turned in her report before leaving the office with Biscuit and Akino.
"Looks like our job here is done," Biscuit concluded.
"Thank you both for the escort home, I really enjoyed your company," Maiha grinned as she gave them both a pat on the head.
"You're welcome Maiha, see you later," and they both disappeared.
Not ready to walk down the streets and increase the chance of running into him Maiha walked out to her new tree just outside of town where she played her flute. She now carried it with her all the time, along with her fans. It relaxed her, comforted her even if she wasn't playing it. She sat there for a while allowing the gentle breeze to blow over her skin and through her hair taking the rest of the sorrow and hurt away with it. She felt cleansed and whole again.
Maiha picked up her flute and played. Not for the sorrow that she felt for Ai or the confusion that she felt for Kakashi, she played for herself, beautiful and happy, slow but vibrant with much emotion. She had finally let go and suffered no longer. Kakashi didn't have to give an explanation, it no longer mattered to her, forgiveness was given if not yet received by him. She smiled with the revelation, I do love him and even if he doesn't return my feelings I need to tell him so I can move forward. It's not fair to hold this resentment against him for the feelings that I keep hidden. I am sure in time I will find someone else to fall in love with and can return those same feelings. Happy times lie ahead, for the both of us. She hopped down from the tree and was greeted by the final two ninken in Kakashi's pack, Uhei and Guruko.
"Well hello you two, let me guess, you are here to escort me somewhere." Maiha smiled.
"Yes we are here to guide you home, but… uh... we don't understand, the Boss said you may be upset but you look just the opposite to me," Uhei pointed out.
Maiha exhaled, "I'm okay. All is forgiven." She smirked and tilted her head to the side slightly, "Just don't tell him yet okay I want to tell him myself." Maiha crouched down to pet both of them.
"Okay well, he still wants us to escort you home," Guruko informed her.
"That's fine, I enjoy your company."
"Well it's nice to hear that out loud," Guruko yapped.
"Now, now, you know he appreciates all of you he is just a man of little words, I understand that now," Maiha pointed out. Both dogs looked at her in confusion. "Okay, let's head home then," and they all walked to her apartment together. She was happy that things were returning to normal. The old woman was right; it was totally out of Maiha's nature to act in such a way, especially when it came to those she held so closely to her.
When she arrived home the state of her balcony was anything but the usual normal scene. As she walked up the stairs to her apartment slowly, a brilliant smile spread across her face and she took in the beautiful scene. The entire balcony was adorned with hundreds of flowers. Propped up against her door was a large white box with attractive satin bow wrapped around it.
"Okay we did our duty," Uhei said.
"Yep, see ya later Maiha," Guruko added.
"See you guys later," Maiha smiled, and they both disappeared.
"Maiha! Can we come up?" Ino shouted from the ground.
Apparently she, Sakura, Tenten & Hinata had been staking out her apartment all day to find out who had sent her the flowers. Ino had spread the word about the delivery since the order was placed at her family's store.
"Sure girls come up!" Maiha shouted back down.
"Oh look at all the beautiful flowers." they all spouted as they reached the top of the stairs. Maiha was holding the white box.
"Ooooooooo, a gift too!" Ino exclaimed as she danced around. The blonde always had a soft spot for romance.
"Why don't you all come inside, I'll make tea and we can find out what is in this box," Maiha blushed as she invited them in.
Another one of my favorite chapters due to the old woman's wisdom, let me know what you thought.
Thank you! I appreciate the time you take to read, follow along and of course for being so patient.
Up next… Kakashi's apology attempt continues and Maiha makes good on the promise she made to herself as actions speak before words.