Thursday 11:20 am
Week 2
Dear Eric,
Pam fixed me breakfast this morning. We had fresh fruit with spinach and egg white omelets. She said that I and the baby needed to eat a healthy meal. It was delicious. Outside of you and Gran, no one else has ever made me breakfast. And guess what? I didn't eat in the bedroom again. I've eaten two meals at a dinner table. Can you believe it? I did it twice in a row. It felt good.
She also let me talk about you. What's even better is that she wanted to talk about you. She started the conversation. It was so great. She asked me what made me realize that you were the one for me. No one has ever asked me that before.
I couldn't give her one definitive answer. "It was a bunch of stuff," I said. "It could have been the night of our first date; he asked me if he could hold my hand. He said that he'd wanted to do it since he'd seen me that morning. It could have been the way he looked at me when I talked to him about my day. There was nothing in particular. I just knew. When he touched me, it was like finding my home. Everything about him was right. It was just right, ya know?"
With a smile, she said, "Yeah. I know."
Her smile made me curious. "How did you know that Jason was the one for you?"
"It was our first date and we were going to the movies. We were standing in line to see The Aviator. Well, when it was our turn to pay for our tickets, guess who didn't have his wallet? You guessed it; your brother." She started to laugh as she thought about it, Eric. "He had the gall to say to me that I should get this date and he would get the next one. He'd assumed that there would be a next date when he'd made me pay for the first one! No man had ever done that to me. They were always on their best behavior and prepared but not Jason. After he'd made that ridiculous suggestion, he gave me his sly southern smile and I was in. I was in for the long haul."
As she talked about my brother, I saw that she loves him just as much as I love you. And I knew what she was doing. She wanted me to share my memories of you with someone other than you. She knew that it would make me feel better and it did, Eric.
She's gone home now but she'll be back. I have a doctor's appointment today.
You've been gone for almost three weeks now and it's just as hard as it was the night that you were stolen from me but Pam is trying her very best to make things better. She's listening to any story or any comment that I make about you. She's letting me talk about the way you used to sweep the floor or how you used to make the coffee too strong or how you used to make French toast on Sunday mornings.
I can't stop thinking about you or talking about you and Pam is letting me know that it's okay. She's letting me know that I don't have to do it alone and for that, I am grateful. Don't get me wrong. Every night when I lay on my pillow, it's your face that I see. It's you that I long to be with. I know that I will love you and only you forever. I feel like I can make it with her with me. I have someone to share the memories with. I feel like I'm with you when she's here because she knows every story, every wound, almost every memory. I feel safe again.
I hope that I feel this way when Pam finally goes home.
Loving You and Trying,
Your loving wife,
Sookie N.