Chapter Twenty-Four: Matters of Conscience

0012 Hours, December 24, 2557. UNSC Outpost Columbia, Planet Khan. "The Happy Holiday," Outer Colonies. Day Seven of the New Age of Warfare

Walking through the forest surrounding Outpost Columbia in the middle of the night in full gear was not my idea of a nice Christmas Eve. For the last four years, I'd grown accustomed to spending my holidays at home with Willis and our kids, and I missed that terribly now. I should've been back on Earth trying to keep three excited children from tearing into their gifts before it was time to open them, and enjoying the festivities. Instead, I was paying close attention to keeping my footsteps silent in the dark, in the middle of a town on a hostile planet where everyone seemed to want us dead.

Merry fucking Christmas.

Glancing at all the bright green shadows through my helmet's night vision, I lowered my DMR then and came to a momentary halt just before stepping outside the outpost's secure perimeter. The last thing I wanted was a friendly bullet in my back to top this crazy mission off. I keyed my COM.

"Columbia, this is Major Cooper," I said, addressing the Marines currently on guard and patrol duty. "Moving out to the southwest for a few minutes. I just want to check out what might be around out here. I'll ping you back before reentry. Hold your fire."

I waited for several acknowledgment lights to wink green across my HUD, then brought my rifle back up and stepped forward again.

I knew I shouldn't be out here by myself; I should've brought a security detail with me, or at the very least my aide. Staff Sergeant Porter was a good wingman to have out on patrol, and as a battalion commander, the risk to me would've been huge even if we hadn't been facing three different factions of enemies at once. For a moment I went through a number of potential death scenarios in my head - a rebel popping up to shoot me point-blank, stepping on some unseen mine planted by the locals, getting sniped in the head by a disgruntled Jackal, having a plasma sword shoved in my gut - again. Unfortunately I'd already dealt with many worst-case scenarios in my career during the war. It made imaging my own death that much more vivid in my mind.

As I continued to cautiously walk around amongst the tall trees, I suddenly heard the rustle of dried leaves up ahead. Uncertain of what awaited me in the dark, I quickly dropped to one knee and gripped my DMR tighter in my hands, looking down the sights rather than the scope. I crouched there, breathing quietly and evenly, until I heard another rustle.

"Natalie?" came a voice through the forest.

Relief flooded through me in an instant. I finally loosened my hold of the gun and aimed the barrel low across my middle. "Yeah, Matt. It's me. Step up closer, kiddo. I can't see you."

My brother-in-law did as he was told and suddenly emerged from a thick patch of trees, red trunks shooting up high into the star-dotted sky above. I knew that somewhere up there was Willis, and my gut clenched again at the enormity of the information I was withholding from him. I wouldn't have done it for anything less vital than ensuring the safety of my battalion.

In the back of my mind, I tried to assure myself that my husband would understand. Though I didn't think he would. Not when it came to his brother.

Matthew spoke again, bringing me back to the present. He was dressed in a faded pair of fatigues himself, and he held an older model assault rifle. But he had no helmet on. He looked me over in the dark. "Hey, Nat. Long time no see."

"Yup," I replied, slinging my weapon over my shoulder for now. "All of four days, huh? You said you already have something for me?"

The young rebel nodded. "Yeah." He ran a quick hand over his hair. "I'm sorry I found this out at the last minute, but you know I'm a fairly new kid, so they don't tell us much in advance. They're planning to move all of us to HQ tomorrow, Nat. To gear up. I'm guessing something big's about to go down. I hope you guys will be ready."

"Shit. Can you transmit the coordinates to me? Of your location?"

Matthew shook his head. "Too risky. I had to go through about a million firewalls and encryptions just to get the message out to you for us to meet up tonight. I can't be doing that all the time, or they'll get suspicious."

"So how should we work this out?"

"I was hoping you'd tell me."

I frowned as I thought it over. "Would you be able to slip out for a few minutes?"

"I don't know. Maybe. There's going to be a lot of us there. It'll be hard not to get noticed. I'll have to think up a reason for my absence if I do."

"That's true. But in some ways, this is good," I said, thinking aloud. "You'll know about the size of your unit, the plan of attack, and who's heading it. All the big threes." I shifted my stance a bit. It was a gamble, but the payoff could be huge. At the same time, however, I absolutely did not want the cost to outweigh all the pros. There were some things I wasn't willing to sacrifice, and some lines I would never cross. I wanted to make that clear to my brother-in-law. "I'm worried about you, though, Matt. Are you sure this is something you can handle?"

He nodded without hesitation. "Yeah. I'll make it work."

"Okay." I let out a sigh. "Listen. I'm going to be out at the MagLev site all day tomorrow. I know it'll be difficult for you, but if you can show up close by in civilian clothes and without a weapon in your hands, you won't get noticed, at least by us. We've had plenty of onlookers during the construction, and we don't pay them much attention beyond an initial glance to see if they're hostile. How you sneak off, though, is up to you. Just don't do anything rash - I don't want you getting hurt over this, and if worse comes to worst, it's enough for us to know simply that an assault is coming. The rest would be good to have right now as well, but it's not worth getting yourself killed over. Nothing is. Understand?"

"Yes."

"Good. And keep being cautious about how you go about this. It'd be bad if you were discovered by your side, too, and I don't want that for you."

"I get it, Nat. I should try to stay safe." His eyes met my own then. "So I'll see you sometime tomorrow?"

"Yeah. And Matt? Don't make me regret agreeing to this." The only thing worse than Willis finding out I kept this from him would be if something happened to Matthew while doing it. My husband would really hate me then, and I wouldn't be able to live with myself. "If this ever gets to be too much, or you even suspect that others may be on to you, just forget about the whole thing, all right? Do you promise me?"

"I promise, Natalie."

I nodded in reply and then watched Matthew walk back into the deep of the forest. Our first real test as to whether or not this could work would be the next day. To keep myself from worrying, I had to believe that the kid who'd survived a Covenant attack on his ship at seven - and subsequently grew up on a foreign planet with no contact with his family - could handle himself.

When I got back to the outpost, I stripped off my helmet, armor, and weapon in my quarters before hitting the bunk, but found after a while that I couldn't fall asleep. I tossed and turned for an hour until I finally gave up, pulled my uniform trousers and jacket back on along with my boots, and wandered over to the mess. After picking up a hot cup of coffee from the drink dispenser inside, I took a seat at one of the empty tables and sipped on my drink. I set it down after a moment and just watched the steam rise up from the scalding liquid for a while, lost in thought.

I missed Willis. I hadn't had time to call him the past few days - or maybe I just felt too guilty. And I felt like complete and utter shit over doing what I was doing with Matt. But I couldn't see another way around it if I wanted my Marines to have a tactical edge that might just save their lives. The many had to come before the few - but it was so much harder to accept that when the few were the people you cared about most.

"Cooper. I see your new position as battalion commander is starting to weigh heavily on you." My best friend flashed me a small smile when I glanced up. "It's lonely at the top, isn't it?"

I couldn't quite bring myself to chuckle at that. So I snorted instead. "I keep hoping my drink will spontaneously morph into something alcoholic. It's 2557. Can you believe we can't just do that with our minds yet?"

Hayden laughed. "I'm pretty sure we'd have no military if that ever happened." He sobered just as quickly, though. "And it never helps to be away from home for the holidays, either, huh? Missing your kids?"

"Like you wouldn't believe. And Will, too."

"Same for me, if it's any consolation," the other major replied sadly. "I just saw my wife when we were on Earth, before we left, but I haven't seen the brood since earlier in the year. I'm sure they've all grown at least a foot by now."

I grinned weakly. "Well, aren't we an unhappy bunch." I took another sip of my coffee, still wishing it was something stronger than it was. "And stuck on a planet where every other pocket of living creatures wants us dead. Good times."

My friend matched my expression. "Just like always."

We sat in silence for a minute before I broke it.

Raising an eyebrow at Hayden, I said, "So am I the only one who thinks certain intel was withheld from us when we first got our orders to ship out? We left with two battalions and my husband's entire air group. That sends up massive, neon-lit red flags. The Corps had to know we were facing all these threats beforehand."

Oliver shrugged. "Would it have made a difference? If we knew then versus now?"

"I guess not, but...fuck." I ran a hand over my face, wincing as I passed over my broken nose. "I would've liked to know what we were getting ourselves into. I knew this wasn't going to be quick and easy, but I wasn't expecting all this."

"Well, fortunately - or maybe unfortunately, I'm not sure - we've both been through this before. Remember we had to fight the Covenant and the Flood during the war. Comparatively, this isn't that much different."

I snorted. "Yeah, I remember. I'll never forget any of it." Taking another drink, I added, "I don't know if it's helpful or sad that we're going through the same motions again. Based on all that's happened lately, I'm half-expecting the Flood to pop back up at us, too. Just to keep things on an even keel."

"Heh. Hopefully that doesn't happen."

"Yeah."

There wasn't much left to say after that. I finished off the rest of my coffee and tossed the empty cup in the trash. "I should get back to it. I can use all the time I don't spend sleeping making myself useful. God knows there's plenty of work to go around."