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CHAPTER 25

The sun was setting in front of Alex's eyes when she turned on the radio.

She hated dusk since she was little, hated how the incoming end of a day taking away all the unconsummated wishes she made in the morning.

Alex took her sunglasses off after moving her eyes away from the rearview mirror. It surprised her that how fast the gathering twilight had faded Olivia's figure in the dark.

As the headlights turned on, the narrow country road lightened up in front of her eyes as well as its endlessness, which suddenly made the blond lost in some foreign disquieting. Gosh, it gotta be near here, damn... I didn't miss the right path, did I?

Right Path.

Those words hit her hard somehow, even bringing her foot move to the brake pedal unconsciously while some old memory popped out unexpectedly.

-"Be careful the way you chose, Alex. People who miss the right path can never go back."

-"Why? Roads never move. You can turn back to the intersection and start over! "

-"Yeah, you can. But even walking on the old way, you're not the same person anymore. "

...

She was 9 years old when she having this conversation with her dad, but now everything still felt as vivid as something happened in yesterday or so. Her car slowed down as her vision slowly blurred.

The blond took a deep breath attempting to push back the ridiculous rising sadness, but somehow she failed as soon as an old song coincidently jumping out of the radio.

I walked across an empty land. I knew the pathway like the back of my hand.

I felt the earth beneath my feet. Sat by the river and it made me complete.

Oh, simple thing, where have you gone? I'm getting old I need something to rely on.

So, tell me when, you gonna let me in?

I'm getting tired I need somewhere to begin.

…

I came across a fallen tree.

I felt the branches of it looking at me.

Is this the place we used to love?

Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

I'm getting old I need something to rely on.

So, tell me when, you gonna let me in?

I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin.

And if you have a meaning why don't we go?

Talk about somewhere only we know.

This can be the end of everything.

So why don't we go somewhere only we know?

Somewhere only we know

…

Kathy Stabler dropped her jaw as her eyes locking with her husband's. She could barely recognize those eyes which used to be limpid blue but now darkened, even spreading out some unreadable... coldness.

"Elliot... What's going on?"

"Get out. We have to talk." His voice sounded odd, too.

"Why don't you come in and-"

"Now." He didn't give her time to finish, before turning around and leaving.

Kathy walked out in silent and closed the door behind. Something must be very wrong.

Her chest tightened as following Elliot to get into their car. "What happened?" Her voice sounded a little bit unreal in the sealed room.

"You got something to tell me about this?"

Colors drained from her face as soon as the small pill-bag showed up in Elliot's hand.

"You stole my things?"

Elliot watched her face, until got a feeling that she actually had nothing left to say. "That's all, huh? Is that how you explained the hidden abortion medicine after I found out and threw it in your face?"

"Save your cop attitude here, Stabler. I'm NOT a suspect in your interrogation room!" He gripped her arm and pulled her closer. "I'm not gonna ask twice, Kath. Do you have something to do with Olivia's miscarriage? And Do, Not, lie to me," he clenched his teeth, "because I'll find out everything sooner or later, you know that."

She jerked his hand off. "Your office bitch lost your bastard baby and you blamed it on your wife?! Go fuck yourself!"

"You have no idea what you're getting into, right? It is a murder we are talking about here! If you poisoned her, you'd better tell me now!"

"Tell you what?! You're not gonna trust me, anyway. Or, should I ask 'have you ever trusted me ever'? ... Save it. You don't need my explanation, cuz the presumption of guilt has killed me hundred times in your mind."

"Oh, dammit! Screw the presumption! I just wanna hear the truth from you instead of DA's office! Did you poison Olivia with this fucking pills?! Just yes or no! Don't give me the bullshit!"

"I, DIDN'T! Okay? But does it matter? The hell you'll believe me!"

The couple sank into a dead silent as their gasps blowing on each other.

"You didn't, huh? Then why the hell you hid this in the medicine cabinet? And where did you get this from?"

"It's... none of your business." She turned away.

"Look at me." Elliot ordered, fighting the urge of dragging her shoulder. "Look at my fucking eyes!"

As she did, he saw those eyes watered up, which poured thousands of questions into his mind. Is that guilt, sadness or…? "You, you're not thinking about, to... to..."

"Stop it..." She turned to the other side before the first tear rolling down.

"C'mon! Just tell me the truth, Kathy, it is an innocent baby's life-"

"Innocent!" She snapped suddenly. "We are innocent, too! Have you ever considered this?" She put a hand on her belly. "And speak of the truth, after being your wife for 24 fucking years and I'm still not innocent enough to deserve a truth of whether you're cheating on me and even have a secret baby behind my back!"

"I have told you, that I made a mistak-"

"Oh, shut your mouth before you make me puke!" She yelled with a frown. "You think I'm a just a nurse, a housewife, so I'm stupid? Since the first time I saw the way you two looking at each, I knew something would be going on! And now, after 11 fucking years past and you even made a damn baby with her, don't you think it is time to stop vindicating her and be man enough to admit your feelings of her?! I'm okay with that, you know that? I really am. Let's just get it straight. Do you remember the unfinished conversation we had a month ago? Tell me now. Without baby, do you still want to divorce me?"

He scanned her eyes in disbelief as a whisper slip out. "Can I take it as a motive?"

"Hey, look who is coming!"

Alex grinned widely to see her old friend Cherry Gordon and her husband Adam Gordon walking over followed by a big golden retriever.

They hugged each other as soon as Alex getting out of the car.

"Damn, Alex, I thought I'd stop missing you when I hold you like this but obviously, it makes me miss you even more!" The dark-haired woman pulled Alex into her arms, which looked like some big bear cuddling a giraffe.

"Oh, God… Cherry, Adam, I'm so grateful to see you guys here…I really owe you." Alex almost flinched as her friend's hospital-smell ducking into her nose, however, her body turned out welcoming the warm hugs more. Relax, it's just what a veterinarian-assistant smells like.

"Girl, you really can't be more skinnier, you know that? I feel like hugging a bunch of bones! Are you alright?" Cheery sensed something and pulled apart, searching for Alex's eyes in the dim light.

"Yeah, nice to see you, too... " Alex rolled her eyes playfully and stole a glanced at the car before forced a smile. "… I'll talk to you later, ok? God knows how badly I want talk with you, but... tonight is just-... I think Olivia needs her sleep now."

"Yeah, yeah, of course. How's she, seriously?" And her husband offered his help too. "Just tell us what to do."

"Ok, so… She, uhm... Damn, funny thing is I don't really know how to… Okay, here is the thing: She's… been through some bad things recently, which makes her a little bit… sensitive of sudden noise and physical touch, especially with man, I think… So, we'd better be gentle and quiet, don't try any sudden move or..." she shook her head slightly with a sigh. "Anyway, just, try not to startle her."

"Okay…," The big woman sounded a little nervous. "I got it… Oh, and what's her name, again? Sorry, I-"

"Olivia, Olivia Benson. She's,"...she used to be the best detective… "She just needs time."

"Yep." Cherry wanted to say something, but closed her mouth as catching the sadness crossing the blond's face.

"Liv, honey?" Alex opened the car door, smiling at how soundly the brunette slept in the backseats. Though, she didn't really know what to feel about this, happy or hurt. Since the day Olivia stopped saying a word, she started to get into this weird mood. The nightmares were gone, as well as most of the PTSD symptom, which making her a completely new person and quickened her healing. But it also worried Alex more in another aspect. "Wake up, sleepyhead. We arrived."

Olivia opened her eyes slowly, and blinked several times before met Alex's tender eyes.

Alex was not surprised to receive quietness. "Yeah, I know you're tired, and me too. So why don't we get inside and have some real sleep?" Carefully placing a hand on Olivia's shoulder, the blond kind of expected a flinch or something, but nothing. "This is Cherry and Adam. We've been best friends since we were 9 years old. They cleaned the house for us and now come to help. So, just let them help you, ok?"

Still, Olivia didn't even blink at the couple's greeting.

"It's fine." Cherry Gordon mouthed to her embarrassed friend in smile.

Elliot scanned Kathy's eyes in disbelief. "Can I take it as a motive?"

She held his gazing. "Yes, I did it… but only one time, and it was a mistake."

It felt like a slap in his face as he flushed immediately. "You BITCH!" Before he figured out what happened, red marks had faded-in on Kathy's cheek while the back of his hand getting numb and sting.

Both of them froze perfectly still.

It was the first time he hit her in their lifetime marriage, and he hit her hard. But seemed it didn't do any reducing to his anger instead of making him hate this woman more.

"I'm NOT in the mood of playing games with you. A baby died, and it almost cost Olivia's life as well, but you just didn't give a fuck about that. I can't believe this is what a mom of five children capable of! Don't you forget that she saved your life!"

"Now you feel what I felt? Welcome to my world. But seriously, I'm not playing games here, Elliot." She resisted blinking, but the tears dropped down against her will. "I did put something in the soup I made for her."

An odd smile covered his face, while his head kept nodding unconsciously.

Kathy escaped from his gazing. " But, believe or not, Elliot, these pills need long term regularly dose to make effort, so-"

"So, you're smart. I got it." He cut her off quickly. "What a genius plan. Well done! And being a goddamn detective for 18 years I didn't even have a clue about this…" He chuckled, "I must be the biggest idiot of the world…"

"Elliot-"

"Don't," he squeezed his eyes shut, fighting the trembling coming from both his body and voice. "Why… who the hell are you?"

Holding his narrowed eyes, she smirked slightly. "Your wife, Elliot. Remember?"

Her desperate and cold eyes poured some bitter anger as well as sadness into his heart.

"What do you want from me, Kathy?... I know, that I've been treating you like shit for many years, and I own you a lot. But… Okay, let's get it straight. You want me to leave without taking anything. I'll do, ok? You get everything, the kids, the house, my money, even my fucking life! You could have just asked, instead of doing so many brutal things, even took away the last thing she lives for in this world! She got NOTHING to lose after the disaster you brought to her, and that still didn't satisfy you?!"

"I brought the disaster?!" She widened eyes. "It is YOU who cheated on me in the first place! I was just looking for a truth!"

"The truth is that you were dying for getting a smoking gun which could beat me in the divorce fight, so you played it at all damn costs without even a blink, isn't it?!" He gasped and swallowed rapidly refusing to let his tears fall. "Kath, if you didn't get pregnant this time, our marriage would have died long before these shits happened. I kept telling myself, that for God's sake, be a decent husband and father at least for a period of time before-" He searched for the appropriate word. "This baby, I've learned to take it as God's will, to guide us giving one last chance to our relationship. I, I don't know what do you think, but for me, I was..." Memory-babbles popped out in his mind:

"Y-You were ev-even moaning her n-name when you o-on top of me..."

He shook his head hard, though, Olivia's bloodshot eyes and choky whisper still felt like drilling his heart. For some reason, the pain also got him angry as soon as dragging his tears down.

"'Last chance'...! That's why you immediately jumped into your office wife's bed and made her dirty dream come true? Is that how you cherish the 'God's will', huh?... Jesus, you're such an asshole, Stabler... Tell you what? Form Maureen to the twins I never relayed on anybody but myself. So, maybe you're not that important as you think, for me, at least."

"Good for you. Cuz we're done, Kath. I don- I can't love you anymore... Why don't you just end up everything and let me go?!"

"Because you son-of-a-bitch don't deserve!... Listen up." She leaned closer, clenching her teeth. "Something if I can't own, then no one can! No one! You wanna divorce? Bite harder!"

Staring at these foreign eyes, Elliot stunned in a cold sweat. He never thought he would have a conversation with her in this way, which only supposed to happen between him and the perps. Though, part of him also surprisingly felt the throbbing on his heart somehow easing. "Yeah, I will. Watch me."

Kathy slid her eyes to the pill-bag holding tight in his hand as the slight clicks sounding. "You're gonna blackmail me?"

"I can play it hard, too."

She cocked her head. "Great. Then. Welcoming our new dynamic, Elliot Stabler." With that, she swung the door open and ducked out. "I-"

Her voice got cut with a BANG followed by a loud scream of the brakes.

Suddenly, everything felt like stopped.

"KATHY-!"

"Is that really okay to leave her there?" Taking the hot cocoa Cherry passing over, Alex sat down on the front stairs outside the house.

"I know you're not a dog person but, trust me, she's not a dog, she's an angel, and she loves being companion with people especially... " The big woman sat down beside Alex, groaning joyfully with her first sip of her cocoa. "Last year I had a pneumonia, spent half a month in bed, and she stayed just beside my bed every single night during that time. Whenever I woke up in the midnight, to go to pee or drink, she was always alert, always with me. You know, even Adam… God, you never know guys can be how helplessly lazy until you get married."

That brought a smile to Alex's face.

"Oh, speak of this," Cherry playfully elbowed the woman beside her, "How's your life? Mr. 'Right' or 'Right-now'?"

Alex rolled eyes, running her fingers through her hair. "Okay… My dad sent you to spy on me, I got it."

"C'mon, you know your dad hates me since caught us smoking together."

"Oh yes, that was… when we were 15…16, and you were barely my weight, remember? Wow, time flies." The blond looked up, staring at the beautiful starry sky of the countryside. "Where to start… Uhm, when was the last time I saw you? 3… years ago? Anyway. Since that time we met in your wedding day, I haven't been with anyone. You know, after Trevor."

"Trevor … Langan? That lawyer? Okay. So for these 3 long years, you've always been single?"

"Yeah, good thing is my job keeping me busy. So…" Alex shrugged with a smile.

"Damn, I can never be single for that long… I just need to be someone, anyone, I think."

They both got silent for a brief moment.

"Tell me about her. I never saw you so…" She scanned Alex's face, "You look bad, you know that? I don't know how close you are, but... I think it supposed to be her family or someone doing all these things for her, instead of you. You got your own life to live, let alone your job."

Alex held both of her hands on the hot mug, watching it steaming. "She has no one. Her mother passed away, and her father... her father died when she was little." She hated to lie, but part of her knowing clearly that how much Olivia would hate her if she told other people about her past. "And I'm her best friend. So…"

"You sure you can manage that?" "Yeah, right... Actually, I've been thinking to get someone…"

"No one's good enough. You should find a sanatorium for her."

"Oh, no." Alex shook her head immediately. "No way. She'll stay with me."

"But for how long? Most people will never be the same. What if she's gonna be like this for years? Even… 10 years? I bet no man can survive a sick woman living with his girl friend."

"I…" The blond gripped hard on her cup as the question chewing her gut. Now this beloved friend was getting annoying and familiar, which reminded her so much old time they spent together with endless debates and fights. "I don't need a man, okay? And she's NOT 'most of people'! She just needs time to deal with all these damn…" She paused, taking a breath to calm herself. "You don't know what she's been through, otherwise, you'll understand that she has every right…"

"Jesus Christ... You gotta be kidding me." Cherry Gordon stood up, walking down the stairs to stand in front of Alex. "Do you have any idea what are you doing?

"I know." Alex got on her feet, too. "Trust me, I know what I'm doing, Cherry, and I know how hard it gonna be, to help someone who…whose life has just been turned upside down."

"Honey, but what about your life? You've always wanted to be a judge or-"

"Things changed." She locked her eyes with hers. "Something this job really taught me well, is that I can't win everything, nor help everyone. But her… " She turned her head a little bit towards where Olivia's room was. "I don't know, I just know, that she's the one I won't, and can't walk away from."

That made Cherry stunned. "I-I don't, I can't understand… With all my respect, but… no matter how close you are, but she's still a friend, isn't she? Look at me, Alex." As the blond did, she gazing deeply into these eyes. "Will you do the same thing for me, if I get sick like her?"

That got Alex's heart skip a beat.

Suddenly, fear coming from nowhere ran down her spine. "Don't be ridiculous." She found herself turned away.

"See? It's a 'no', but I want you know that I don't feel hurt or angry about that, instead, I appreciate every sane reaction of people. You hear me?" She walked over, chasing the blond's eyes. "I'm not convincing you not to help her, I just hope you to understand that you're not God, Alex, so, when it's time, just let go of people's destiny-"

"I can't!" She finally met her eyes. "Because I feel like her destiny is mine, too! Because… I-" Words died on her tongue. Cherry searched and encouraged the rest of Alex's words, but only watched her pressed lips together and breaking their eye contact.

The silent moment somehow ended up too long and got too cold to be saved by any answer.

Alex wrapped her coat tight, as a chill wind ducking into her collar.

"Ok, forget it." Cherry let out a long sigh. "Let's just get inside and get some sleep. You're-" before she finished, her wrist got grabbed by the blond as she shutting her up with a "shh".

"You hear that?"

"What?"

Alex turned around, eyes located on the window of the bedroom. "Is that… weeping or…? Olivia!" Cherry almost dropped both cups while Alex suddenly thrust her mug into her hand and started to run back.

Hand on the doorframe, the blond stopped her steps in place.

All she saw, was the brunette slowly lifted her head up from cradling the dog's head in her arms. And her face was full of nothing but tears and pain.

"Alex, my baby died, right?"

Within a second, the blond had flown over and held Olivia into her arms. Happiness, sorrow and relief washed over Alex at the same time while she realized that it was the first time Olivia truly talked, let alone the stammers were all gone. Though, her heart still hurting like being slit with a knife.

"…I'm sorry, Liv, I'm so, so, sorry…" Now, the counselor didn't know what or how to say, except repeating her sorry over and over again.

(TBC)

So, Olivia came back to the reality. What do you wanna to see?

And about Kathy, what do you want Elliot to do?

Stay with me, cuz the next Chapter will be sweet and twisty!

Give me some review, please~:) You'll make my day:)