Thank you for those of you who reviewed the last chapter. I know I've been gone for a long time but I'm trying to get these chapters up whenever I can, it's hard when you don't have the internet and I have a lot going on in my life at the moment. Anyway, this chapter isn't any happier than what the last one was, but I hope you guys enjoy it anyway.

Chapter 24

I left Emily's early in the morning when I was sure she was deeply asleep. Our talk last night had lifted a small weight from my shoulders but it had left me feeling worse than shit. I needed space to breathe and clear my head; I couldn't do that around Emily because she'd want to know why. Truth was I was a little scared about talking to her after what I revealed last night, I felt vulnerable and I wanted it to pass before I spoke to her. Vulnerability made me act and say stupid things and I didn't want us to have another argument. I knew it would upset Emily with me leaving but overall it was for the best.

It was barely light outside but it was already warm. I wandered aimlessly around town; no shops were open which meant there were literally no people. The silence was eerie but comforting. I sat down on a bench and lit a cigarette, only occasionally taking long drags whilst I stared at nothing in particular, allowing my mind to wander.

Emily now knew everything about my past. Was everything going to change or would it stay the same? Would we continue acting and fucking like our seventeen year old selves, or would Emily think I was too fragile to touch? I definitely did not want the latter but after last night, I no longer wanted the former either. I loved Emily more than anything and being with her again was great but I was scared that I was slipping back into my past. I wanted, and needed to know that I had something more with Emily than just sex but nothing more had been discussed, and foolishly I was too anxious about bringing it up in case I scared her off. She had said that she'd never leave me but did that really mean that she wanted all of the same things as me?

Three years ago I didn't like to think about the future unless it was about university and what path I was going to follow. I didn't ever think about my future with someone, not even Emily, I was just convinced that we would be together for a long time. It's hard to plan the future because you don't know what might happen, anything can change. Everyday consists of something new and different just to prepare us for something bigger because one day, all the things we know and loved could be taken away in a heartbeat.

That happened to me and I had plenty more shit come afterwards. I had spent nearly my entire life fighting demons and I was still being plagued by them twenty years later. I was stronger in certain ways but I wanted some security so that I could stop fighting but I was scared that Emily couldn't offer me that safety. She was the only thing that could either make or break me. I never used to believe that there was only one person for everyone and I still didn't completely believe it. The only thing I did believe was that Emily was it for me and so I needed things to work out between us. I needed to know that I was it for her too.

I sighed and threw the butt of my cigarette to the ground. I dropped my head into my hands, I was sick of having these issues; I now understood what JJ meant when he said he wanted to be "normal." I'd give anything to feel normal.

"Naomi?"

I looked up at the sound of approaching footsteps. I didn't say anything to respond but I reluctantly shuffled over to the other side of the bench, giving him room to sit. We sat in an awkward silence for a few minutes, both unsure whether or not to say anything.

"What are you doing out here this early?" Keith asked eventually, breaking the silence.

"I could ask you the same question." I fired back.

"Our apprentice quit so I have to make sure the studio is ready." I looked up at him in surprise. I hadn't expected, and I couldn't understand why he was still being nice to me when I had done nothing but treat him like crap. It was infuriating, but admirable.

"I just needed to clear my head." I finally allowed myself to say.

"Is everything okay?" He asked, genuinely sounding concerned.

I forced a fake smile. "Everything's great."

Keith chuckled. "Who are you trying to convince, me or a deaf man?"

I furrowed my eyebrows in annoyance because I knew he was right. I was a good liar but even I had to admit that I didn't sound even close to convincing. I couldn't tell whether I was more annoyed at myself or at Keith for noticing.

"Probably the deaf man." I shrugged and a small smile pulled up on my lips. Keith returned it with one of his own. He looked tired, his eyes seemed dull compared to the other times I had seen them. His usually spiked hair was flat and messy like he hadn't bothered to brush it after he got out of bed, not that I could blame him. He wore a baggy black t-shirt with faded black jeans and white DC's. His scruffy appearance made him look both younger and older at the same time.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He offered, sounding somewhat nervous. Though with the way I had treated him before, it was understandable.

"Why are you doing this? I've done nothing but be a bitch to you." I questioned curiously.

"You're my daughter. It doesn't matter what you do or don't say to me, I'll always care about you." He replied, his voice was soft and his smile was gentle, warming.

His words made a familiar twinge shoot through my chest and I felt my throat tighten with emotion. He wasn't giving up, I had been a bitch to both him and Mum and had given him to opportunity to leave it, but he hadn't – he was still trying.

"What happened to you, Naomi? Why did your mum send you away?" He asked cautiously, careful not to overstep any mark I might have laid. I could feel his eyes searching my face, trying to find the answer in the wrong place.

"I went insane." I whispered, too afraid to speak any louder in case my voice gave me away. He was trying to care, and inevitably I was warming to his attempts.

"I wasn't right; I wasn't safe to be around. She did the right thing, she saved me."

I never realised how true the words were until I spoke them.

"You can talk to me, Naomi. I know I haven't been around but I'm here now, I'm not going anywhere this time." He took my hand in his, they were soft but calloused. They were warm and comforting.

Tears began to well up in my eyes but I quickly blinked them away. The past feelings of longing had returned and I couldn't stop them now. I wasn't sure if I wanted to. I turned to him.

"Mum doesn't know."

He looked surprised by my honesty, and a little shocked that I hadn't turned him away like all of the times before. But he squeezed my hand and gave me a slight smile.

"Do you want to tell her?"

"It isn't that easy." I whispered painfully.

My heart was aching. I was physically, mentally and emotionally drained. All I wanted to do was curl up and cry, to hide from the world again. Talking about the things that had ruined my life made the wounds so fresh and sore.

"Well, what's holding you back?" He pushed, probing for an answer.

The pain – the pain was what was holding me back. The memories I tried to bury that still scarred my mind. Talking about it made it real again. But this was the final stage, the final step. After telling Mum, I wouldn't ever have to speak about it again.

How could I tell her something like this, though?

"It'll break her heart." I finally admitted, causing my heart to only ache more as I realised it.

"It'll only hurt her worse if you don't, and by the looks of it, it's breaking your heart by not telling her."

That was all it took for me to start crying. I tried to bury my face but there was no point, the look on Keith's face showed that he had already seen. I pulled my hand from his and dug them into my pockets, retrieving my cigarettes. I lit one quickly and desperately.

"She has absolutely no clue." I barely managed to choke out through the tears. "One minute I was a normal child, and the next, I was trying to stab her ex boyfriend."

Keith chuckled at this but his expression darkened. "I don't blame you for trying that."

I managed to laugh slightly and elbowed his side. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and gave me a gentle squeeze. I couldn't help but smile at the gesture.

"You need to tell her." He spoke again after a moment of silence. As hard as it was going to be, I knew he was right. I finally nodded and Keith pulled me to my feet.

"What about the studio?" I suddenly remembered. "I thought you had to get it set up?"

Keith only smiled at me. "Fuck the studio. I've finally got you back; I'm not going to turn you away now when you need me."

His honesty warmed my heart a little. My whole life I had been waiting to hear my father speak something similar, it was beautiful and scary to finally have it happen.

"Be prepared for what I have to say, Keith. You're not going to like it." I said firmly, staring him in the eye for any sign of hesitation.

His eyes showed nothing but concern. I was taken aback by how much warmth and care he was showing towards me. I couldn't deny that this man loved me; he loved me like a father should love his daughter. The love I had been longing for my entire life.

"You don't need to protect me, Naomi. I don't deserve that, not when I should have been here to protect you."

All I could do was nod. I couldn't deny it because we both knew it was the truth, but I couldn't bring myself to agree aloud and put him down, especially when he was trying so hard to make things right.

We walked together in silence, one that was neither comfortable nor awkward. I couldn't think of anything to say to him when my mind was trying to shut down, trying to prevent it from having to think about the upcoming event.

I felt sick to the pit of my stomach. Mum was the one who I feared to tell the most, even above Emily. Telling Emily was hard enough, this was going to be impossible. There was only one way I knew that could help me begin to explain this fucked up situation.

"I need to get my guitar first."

"Naomi, what's going on?"

Gina instantly sensed that there was something wrong from the moment she opened the door to us. Confusion was evident in her voice but I could see the worry in her eyes. I couldn't bear to look her in the eyes for any longer than a second before the guilt and pain began to surface. Of course, she noticed this.

"Is this about yesterday?"

If only it was. I could only shake my head; my throat was too dry to form words. I had no idea how I was going to manage to sing. I wasn't sure if I could even do this.

"Give her a minute love. Why don't you put the kettle on?" Keith jumped in quickly, noticing how hard I was struggling with this.

Mum looked between us, I was pretty sure I saw a smile playing at the corners of her lips. I was glad when she didn't question it, and turned into the kitchen instead. I sunk into the chair and slowly picked up my guitar, setting it on top of my legs. My body was shaking uncontrollably, I couldn't hold it properly. Keith lit a cigarette and handed it to me, I smiled weakly in return. He knelt down in front of me and placed his hands on my knees.

"You can do this." He murmured, trying to give me the strength to carry on. I finally had my father's support, after all of these years.

I pulled in deep drags from my cigarette even as it made my head rush and I felt sick, I needed it. I stubbed the butt out into the ashtray and proceeded to tune my guitar, I was lucky to be able to tune it by ear. At first my fingers couldn't hold the strings until I heard the gentle hum of vibration, and I knew that I had to do this.

We remained in silence even as Mum re-entered the living room bearing three cups of tea. Her complexion had paled, she looked exhausted again. Seeing her like this broke my heart all over again, and this was only going to make her feel worse.

Keith had directed Mum to the sofa where they watched me. Although suspicious, nothing could prepare them for what they were about to learn. How was anyone supposed to be prepared for something like this?

I swallowed the bile that had risen into my throat and quickly gulped down the scolding, sweet liquid. I barely felt it burn my throat, in fact it felt nice. I took a deep breath and held my guitar tightly, as though I was trying to seek some form of comfort from the wood.

This was it. There was no going back now.

"Mum, do you remember when this all started, that day when you found me in the shower?"

I didn't need to go into detail; I knew she'd remember that day above any other. The grimace that crossed her features proved that.

Her eyebrows furrowed into a frown. "I couldn't forget it if I tried."

I nodded in agreement; my heart was crashing against my ribs.

"I lied to you that day…I've been lying to you ever since." I finally admitted. After three years, I had told her part of the truth.

I could tell that Mum was torn between understanding what was happening, and scolding me for lying to her. It nearly made me smile that even at twenty years old; she didn't like me lying to her. However, I couldn't smile because I was about to watch this woman break at the hands of my words.

I sat up straight and adjusted my fingers on the threat board.

"I wrote this song when I was in Cornwall, after I nearly killed myself. My head wasn't right, I still wanted to die. I couldn't bear it anymore, and this is the only way I can explain it to you."

I began to strum the plectrum across the strings in a slow rhythm before they had the chance to reply. The melody was dull and ominous, depressing for the state of mind I was once in. The lyrics instantly sprung to my mind, a long with all of the thoughts and feeling from when I first wrote it.

You've stripped me down, the layers fall like rain.
It's over now; just innocence and instinct still remain.
You watched me while I slowly disappeared.
I reached for you to save me; you were frozen in your fear.

Take it all away, take it all away.
Take it all away, take it all away.

Circling the pain inside my soul,
I reached inside your silence to steal what you won't show.
I tried to find the answers in my fears,

But what I found is lost again as soon as it appeared.

Take it all away, take it all away.
Take it all away, take it all away.

I'm breaking; I can't do this on my own.
Can you hear me screaming out, am I all alone?

You take away, you take away.
You take away, you take away.

You take away, you take away.

I was breathing heavily whilst the tears streamed down my cheeks, on the verge of breaking down as the song came to an end. I looked up to Mum, she was openly sobbing into her hands, and Keith also looked like he was about to cry. His eyes were fixed on me like he was trying to figure me out.

I placed my guitar on the ground, lit another cigarette and took a deep breath, trying to calm myself. This was the time.

"Three years ago, I was raped…."

So what do you guys think, was this any good or did it suck? My writing is lagging at the moment because I haven't written in quite a while so I hope its okay. The song is Take it all away – RED. Check them out.

Please review and let me know what you think, I'll try and update soon.