Well, I was going to extend the uncertainty but I couldn't let you stay so worried. Dedicated with gratitude to Aireeana who inspired me to keep writing and made me remember that no matter how exhausted I am, I have a talent and should keep using it. Thank you so much, this chapter is for you! And a special guest in this episode…someone I really wanted to add.

I never counted on this
guess that's the way that it goes
you used to be, someone I knew
somebody I could understand
now I don't know what to do
and I don't know who you are
all those things, I hear you say
you talk that way, I'm a stranger to you
And I remember your voice
before this happened to us
when I could see, when I was sure,
when everything was young and new but..
we lost it too many times
and that's way that it is ends
yeah lovers come and lovers go
when you think you know, it just isn't true

-----The Whitlams

I Don't Believe Anymore

Jinx was all alone again. The last time she had been in this situation, she had remembered the terror of knowing that the world held only dangers and no hope of help. She was tired and cold and hungry again, but she had no idea where she should go. This time, it was so much worse.

The young witch would have to find a place to spend the night, she needed to rest and recover her strength. She had no idea where to find Slade and at that moment, the thought of throwing herself at his mercy sickened her. It was his fault, he had ruined everything, she could have been happy had he not threatened her.

She ducked into an alley and leaned against a smelly dumpster, trying to catch her breath. Her stomach was bruised and empty, never a good combination.

No, it was Wally's fault. He had pursued her; he had convinced her that there was hope for a relationship. He had made her happy, had made her believe that the world wasn't a dark and lonely place. He had made her doubt her villainess side and had put her in the life of fire. Worst of all, he had died and left her all alone and miserable.

He was dead and she was alive. That was how it was supposed to have turned out. She was the predator and he was the prey. She had ended his life. She had brought honor to the Hive Academy, honor to her name. She had done her duty.

"I followed orders," she justified herself. Vandel Savage had said that at the Nuremburg trials before he had escaped. He had done terrible things because it had been the command. She wasn't responsible; she had just been the gun in Slade's hands. Only…she had also been the trigger.

She yearned to return to the Mittlemans but she was afraid that they would finally reject her. She had gone beyond the pale of forgiveness. They would never take in a murderer. Jinx had severed the last ties to her innocent past. She was evil now and there was no turning back. Now, she had to find a new life for herself.

She debated taking what was left of her skimming nest and going to Europe. She could start a new life of crime, and forget everything in her past. Of course, with the heroes searching for her, lying low seemed to be all she had left. "Slade…I did what you wanted, where are you?" she demanded, knowing he should find her to clear her name. She had sacrificed everything for him; the least he could do was finish the job.

As she hid in an alley, she realized again that she was hungry. It wasn't that it was a new feeling for her. She knew how to pick out of garbage cans and how to survive when it was cold. She had just thought she would have become a better criminal than the dregs of the street. If she hadn't met Wally, she would have still had the Hive Five. She would have still had her reputation.

Of course, she would have never seen Monet's paintings, or danced at Regina's wedding or finally had a boyfriend that had made her laugh. She had never realized that she could feel pleasure all over her body and tingle with joy.

Was it worth it to live her entire life with success if she never fell in love? She had never wanted love, she had never asked for it, and when she had it, she killed it. And now she was an empty shell, waiting to figure out what she would go next.

Coming from a television in the house she passed, she could hear news that twisted the dagger in her heart. "Police are searching for known criminal Jinx, who has been accused of killing eight people at Star Labs. A t one hundred thousand dollar reward was posted for her capture. Sources close to the scene say that Kid Flash was spotted going into the building, but never left. Could the speedy young hero be one of the victims?" the anchor's voice said. "This is Rin Keichi, standing in for Iris West, who is still on leave due to a family tragedy."

Everyone would be after her. She had no place to go. Jinx turned the corner and kept walking, without knowing where she would end up. Or if she would survive. She was just too tired to care.

Dick had locked himself in his room in the space ship. He wanted to hunt Jinx himself, but Bruce had ordered him to remain put. "You're too emotionally involved. And don't tell the Titans anything. We're handling it here on Earth."

For the first time in long while, he wondered if his mentor was correct. Yes, Wally was his best friend but that was why he had to be out in the field, he needed to avenge him. Dick remembered watching his loved ones broken on the ground. He had watched his parents slam onto the floor, their bodies twisted into unnatural destroyed shapes. He had watched Batman come home after the fight with Bane, with crushed ribs and a broken leg. And now, he had been forced to hear that Wally, who was lighter than air, quicker than wind, that Wally was left burned and motionless.

He had become a hero to protect people, why did the people who he loved keep getting hurt?

He had failed Wally. He knew that Wally was on his own and he hadn't made much of an effort to go see him. He had been spending time with his new friends and had just taken Wally for granted. And now his best friend was fighting his life, all because he had been alone and had been ambushed by Jinx.

"Dick, how are you holding up?" a familiar authoritarian voice asked on screen. "I am glad I didn't have to lock you in myself."

"What's the point; I can't do anything for him now. I should have been there. Wally shouldn't have faced her alone. Please tell Barry I'm sorry," Dick pleaded, feeling himself choke up even more. His friend had to be alive!

"Wally knew the risk of superhero life, as well as you did. Whatever happened, it wasn't your fault." Bruce always sounded so sure, so in control. Dick had tried to emulate it, but he was currently a mess.

"How is he?" Dick asked, his voice shaking. He had not cried in a very long time. Yet, at this moment, tears were flowing down his cheeks.

"He's in a coma. His lungs were attacked by poison and he has plenty of injuries," Bruce said gruffly. "Barry and Iris are in bad shape themselves. Iris really can't take this in her condition."

"Let me go after Jinx. I'll make sure Wally's avenged," Dick demanded, wondering how much pain he could inflict on her before he had to turn her in. He could accidentally snap every bone in her body.

"No. I have someone tracking her. You want blood and your head isn't clear. Killing her won't help Wally. You need to get control," Batman snapped, and for a moment, there was a shared look of sorrow. "You are in pain."

"Of course I'm in pain. This is my fault," Dick whispered, coming clean. He thought it would make him feel better, but it only made him feel worse.

"Your fault?" Bruce repeated back to him, only making the words sound worse. He had failed Wally and even his mentor believed it. "You were thousands of miles away. You couldn't save him from the fire."

"Here, I'll put my head on the block. I knew something was going on. I covered for Wally, but I'm sure you know that by now. It's my fault he's lying there fighting for his life. If I would have spoken up, someone would have stopped him." Dick snapped, shaking with pain.

Bruce said nothing for a long moment. "Yes. I figured it out. You may be subtle but I suspected immediately that if something had happened, you would have known."

Dick nodded and tried not to choke up. "Yes. I did know. He told me he was doing something wrong, but he swore me to secrecy. I didn't know he would go so far as this."

"But speaking up now isn't helping Wally. So why are you doing it?" Bruce asked.

"I don't know, I just thought you should know," Dick whispered, knowing that wasn't the reason.

Bruce stared at him for a long moment. "You want me to clear your conscience. You want me to blame you, so that you'll stop feeling guilty," he said in a level tone.

Dick nodded. He needed to pay for what he did. He'd take any punishment. He'd do push ups till his arms nearly fell off. He'd run laps until his lungs could barely work. He could take anything Bruce could dish out. He just wanted to stop hating himself. "Do your worst," he begged. "I can take it."

"Can you think of anything worse than knowing that you let all of us down? That Wally could die because you put your loyalty to your friend's secret over your loyalty to his life. That you betrayed Barry and I?" Bruce said coldly. Dick shook his head. Even being spanked as a child hadn't hurt this much. "You've failed us, Richard." That hurt terribly.

"So do something? Take away my mask, lock me up in the manor with a manacle around my ankle!" Dick demanded. "Anything but…this." This self-hatred was so painful. He wanted, he needed absolution.

"I can't take away your guilt. I can't undo what you did. You will have to learn that you can't take back your mistakes. You have to live with them," Bruce said, in a death-blow of hope of a quick pardon. "I hope this is a lesson for you."

"Yes sir," Dick whispered, choking on every word. "I'm going to go now. Please, contact me if anything happens."

He placed the mask back on his face and became Robin again. He wanted to tell his friends what happened but something inside him told him to remain silent. Some things, he couldn't admit to.

Jinx was so hungry and cold. Her hands ached and her stomach grumbled as she wondered where she would find her next place to rest. She had gone to soup kitchens and eaten out of dumpsters, but she could never stay long enough to get a full meal. She had slept fitfully under bridges and tried to keep warm by lighting garbage on fire, but a storm of rain had dampened the area, adding to her misery.

It had been six days since the fire. One hundred and forty-nine hours, to be precise. She could remember the exact moment she had lost everything. She couldn't get any help. She had to be on her guard. The world wanted her dead. They would have killed her if they would have gotten the chance. And she would have deserved it.

Her hair was dark and pinned up with gold, her lips were red and eyes were so bold, you long to have her but the price would be your soul, a voice whispered in her mind. Boy, was that song right. You are trouble.

"Shut up. You're dead. Stop haunting me," Jinx snapped, unable to deal with the guilt that she was responsible for what happened. Denial was a much more comfortable life.

You really didn't have to kill me. It really wasn't nice. I didn't think Slade meant more to you than I did. Wally's big blue eyes stared at her in her mind's eye. Damn Wally for making her read the Bard.

"What did you want me to do? He said he'd kill me if I didn't kill you. It was my only choice. So go to heaven where you belong and leave me in hell," Jinx commanded, knowing that this was just her guilty conscience. As much as she longed to hear Wally's voice again, he was gone. She had to accept that.

I would have protected you. Problem is, you didn't let me. You didn't trust me. And now I'm dead.

"Shut up! You get to be with your parents, the parents who loved you, who wiped your tears when you cried. I'm all alone down here. My parents abandoned me and the other family didn't even want me!" Jinx shrieked.

I know, love. But you didn't give me much choice in the matter. I had family and friends who cared about me. They miss me, you know. Though killing me with a kiss, nice touch. At least you didn't crucify me.

"I don't find this funny. Aren't you afraid of going to hell for blasphemy?" Jinx muttered, which was stupid. Regina's family hadn't believed in hell. Her adopted parents had been Baptists and they had made life hell for her. Besides, she didn't really believe in God anyway.

I'm dead already. But hey, at least I get to haunt you forever. I'm never going to leave you now, Layla. And clean your hands, sweetie. My blood is still on it."

It took Jinx a few minutes to realize everyone was staring at her. She had been mumbling to herself. This was what she had become. A cold, hungry, crazy homeless person. She was almost glad Wally wasn't here to pity her failure.

Wally was not sure what happened after those big arms had picked him up. He had been cocooned in a comfortable blackness. It was safe and quiet there. Yet…he thought he could hear voices. There was a man crying and then…a woman crying. Was it his parents? Was he in heaven?"

"Mom? Dad?" he whispered, hoping to see them again. He wanted to hug them, and ask them so many questions. He strained his ears, hoping for some new information.

No, heaven wouldn't be this painful, but yes, there was someone here waiting for him.

He was alive and he was definitely not alone.

Was he captured by the enemy? "Layla…" he whispered, wondering if Jinx was near him. He wanted to be held by her so badly. "Layla…where are you?"

"Stay still. Don't try to move or this will hurt a lot more," a voice instructed calmly as Wally felt a sharp prick in his arm. He hissed with pain. "That should do it." Truth serum? Acid? "The IV should restore your fluid and nutrition levels." Oh good, he didn't mind that kind! "How are you feeling?" the deep voice said, sounding upset.

Wally didn't bother to guess anymore. "I didn't expect you to show up. You must have missed me," he said mischievously. Oh, it was nice to have someone he loved take care of him when he was feeling so sore and frightened.

"Well…just in the neighborhood and noticed your imminent mortal peril, so I decided to step in," the voice said firmly, a slight shaking to it. Wally was hearing…fear.
"I had it under control," Wally lied amiably, as he pondered how to sweet talk some pizza. "I just…was having a down moment." Lie of the century.
"You didn't have a molecule of control! You could have died back there." Yup, he had one very pissed off, worried but very wonderful person waiting to greet him.

Wally opened his blue eyes to look up into familiar green eyes, though they were extremely blood-shot and swollen now. "That's the life of a hero. You would know that better than me, Uncle Barry," he said softly, trying to act tough in front. He was actually sore as heck but he wouldn't let him know that.

"Very funny. Here's a question, hero boy. What day of the week of it?" the older man asked, as he gently began re-bandaging Wally's arm. The patient stared at the familiar walls of his childhood home. Aunt Iris had decorated the house with beautiful copies of impressionist paintings. It was a soothing environment. Better then that, it was home!

"Wednesday." It must be morning already; he could see the sunshine through the window. Wow, that had been a wonderful sleep; he had never felt so relaxed.

"It's Tuesday of the next week, Wallace. I needed to use an artificially induced coma on you. Your lungs were being attacked, you kept coughing up blood. A few more minutes and…" Uncle Barry's jaw tightened. Yes, that was definitely fear in his eyes. Seeing his mentor frightened was not a good feeling. "Well, I better get your medicine. Stay still and just let the IV do its work."

"So no trips to Paris for croissants?" Wally goaded, determined to get a smile from Uncle Barry.

Storm clouds would have more of a sense of humor. "I am not going to repeat myself…" Uncle Barry snapped, his face paling with fury. Wally knew he would be repeating himself, but knew enough not to test his uncle's patience. Even he had his limits. "Just rest, unless you need me to restrain you so that you have a chance of surviving this. You are still wounded! Can't you take anything seriously, like your life?" was the gruff reply. "Do you want to die?"

Wally closed his eyes, determined not to show the pain that last statement had caused him. "I'm sorry, sir," he mumbled, wondering if the morphine could kick in. Anytime now, sleep would be much more pleasant than this.

"Not as sorry as I am, Wally. I can promise you that. I will not ever let it happen again," Uncle Barry said gravely, allowing his hand to touch Wally's shoulder affectionately as he finished bandaging the arm. He had called him Wally. That was rarely a good sign for his uncle's blood pressure. "How does that feel?" he asked.

"Fine," Wally whispered, feeling a bit overwhelmed. "I'm fine." If he repeated it enough times, he might actually start believing himself. "Just don't make me do any chores." When in doubt, wisecrack. He was really starting to feel uncomfortable, but he didn't want to tell his uncle.

"Look who is up and cracking jokes? How's my boy?" Aunt Iris said, bounding into the room brightly. Her short red hair was a mess and she had ink on her cheek, but she was as beautiful as he remembered. And from the dark circles under her eyes, she looked like she had been pretty worried herself. "Are you feeling better?"

"I'm much better," Wally said, glad his aunt was around. Compared to his more nervous and straight-laced uncle, his aunt was a beacon of relaxed humor. When his parents had been disapproving of him fantasizing about being the next Flash, Iris had always encouraged him to keep dreaming big. "You look lovely, as always."

"Oh stop it, you flatterer. You gave me a fright. I'm really not supposed to be stressed," Aunt Iris said, patting her stomach. "Your uncle convinced me to transfer to restaurant reviewing instead of doing the crime beat."

"Only one of us needs to fight crime," Uncle Barry said tenderly, putting his arm around her shoulder. For such a serious guy, nothing could make Uncle Barry smile faster than Aunt Iris.

"Yeah, how is my little cousin coming?" Wally grinned. Even though the Hamilton twins were terrors, he was sure his future cousin would be as sweet and delightful as his aunt was.

"Kicking all day and night," Iris sighed, twirling her hair around her finger. She was definitely stressed out and trying to hide it. "Reporting was easier. At least the black and blue marks I got were earned in the line of duty."

"Well, you can spend your time making me food. You're the best cook I know," Wally said, knowing he was too ill to get a swat. His aunt had never wanted to end up a housewife, cooking and cleaning, but after marriage to Uncle Barry, she had begun enjoying taking care of "her man."

"I'll go get you some light food. Iris?" Uncle Barry said softly, kissing Iris on the cheek before walking out.

"Is he okay?" Wally asked, raising his eyebrow. "He seems…a bit off." Actually, he seemed like a Batman clone in grumpiness.

"You almost died. He takes your safety very seriously," Aunt Iris said, sitting down on the bed next to him. "I don't think he's slept since he carried you home himself. And his appetite has been terrible. And he's been making the lab assistants cry again, with all his temper up. You really have to think of them before you do something stupid."

"Well, of course. He'd hate to face your wrath if anything happened to me," Wally joked, wondering when that food was going to be coming.
"Wally, we need to talk," Aunt Iris said softly, putting her hand on his. "Do you remember how you got injured?" She had that look in her eye, a look that meant that something bad happened.

"Not really…everything feels pretty foggy," Wally admitted. "All I can remember is heat…and screaming. Is…everyone all right?" he asked, knowing that the answer would not go well.

"I always seem to be giving you bad news," Aunt Iris said softly. Wally nodded. She had been the one to tell Wally about his parents. She had given him a glance of pure pity, held his hand and then crushed him. And it appeared she was going to do it again. "Star Labs was burnt down. A lot of the Meta humans managed to survive, but Dr. Hamilton's family was found dead."

"No…" Wally whispered, the terrible news sinking into his head before exploding like grenades.

"One of the Meta-humans, Derek Tennyson killed Mrs. Hamilton because his blind fold had fallen off. Natalie and Nathan Hamilton were burnt in the fire. I'm sorry," she whispered tenderly.

Wally closed his eyes as his stomach began convulsing. He could hear the screaming again, "Mr. Flash, save us," he heard voices beg him as the heavy weight and smoke bore down on him. His breathing had become so painful, as if he was back in the sooty smoke. A car crashing…Mommy…Daddy…please someone help us! "Where's Layla?" he shouted. His girl could be dead and he was lying in a hospital bed, unable to help her.

"Wally, calm down! You can't get excited, it will make your body start processing the medicine too fast." he could vaguely hear Aunt Iris say, through the dust in his mind. He could hear the Hamilton twins, he could hear his parents, he could hear them all crying out to him and dying because of him. He felt the back of his head hit the back of the bed, as he quaked and cough. "Barry!"

Wally shouted in pain as the medicine was beginning to wear off. He could feel every bit of pain coursing through his body, like electrical volts. He couldn't breathe without choking on that bile of torment. "Get away from me!" he shouted, as he felt someone try to grab his arms. "Don't let me burn."

"Inject this into his port," he heard a voice say as his arms were pinned down. He kicked his legs, trying to escape but he was back under the wall, being crushed under its weight. "Wally, it's me. It's Uncle Barry. No one is going to hurt you," he heard a voice say. "Just know that. You are safe. You need to get your heart rate under control or you will activate your powers. This will help you, my boy."

As Wally felt a warm sensation fill his body, he heard a voice speak out. "It's all my fault. Wally, please forgive me for putting you into this situation." Something lightly brushed his forehead before he returned to the nice darkness, where nothing bad existed.

--------------

AN-Wally's safe, but there is a long way to go before normalcy hits.