September had faded into October. The weather outside proved just as much, as it was wetter and colder. In Amity and Erudite, I'm sure they saw additional signs, like the leaves falling from the trees.
Leadership training is going smooth. The regimen hasn't turned physical yet, as I'm still learning how to use programs and manage files, not to mention that I had to take a tutorial of diplomacy. It shouldn't surprise me that diplomacy was required when interacting with the representatives of other factions. The Dauntless don't have ties with the Abnegation, though there are those meetings that they have every five months between the five factions.
Father didn't abuse me like Marcus did to Tobias, but it makes me nervous to see him. I still remember that look he gave me when I left with the Dauntless. He would frown on my choice of boyfriend as well.
In the first week of October, since we were technically living together, as we would spend the night at each other's apartments but more in his, I made the decision to move into Eric's apartment. I packed up my meager belongings and turned in my key.
The residential liaison gave me a look when I told her who I was moving in with, like it was a stupid decision on my behalf. "Good luck," she said to me, not bothering to hide her sarcasm.
The thing about his reputation, I understand why he has it. He recently told me, "In Dauntless, it's best to be ruthless then kind, because when you're ruthless, you get that respect. Being kind here only allows people to walk all over you like a doormat." It's no lie that Amity and Dauntless actually clash, and that is the reason.
I thought there were just two kinds of the Dauntless: the honorable kind and the ruthless kind. Perhaps it's best to learn both to survive, to be ruthless yet honorable in your intentions.
The Dauntless manifesto mentions committing ordinary acts of bravery, that we should have courage to stand up for the other. While people might argue that he doesn't, I can attest to that. To a degree, Eric does believe in ordinary acts of bravery. He wouldn't have saved me if he didn't care for me.
He wouldn't have saved me if he wasn't Dauntless.
That morning, I awake to the sound of the buzzer. Since it's at my side of the bed, I take a peek at it. It's five thirty in the morning.
I grab my pillow and put it over my head. It's October tenth, the day where the leaders of the factions, Abnegation councilmembers included, get together and discuss plans for the last months of the year. I was dreading it when it was mentioned that I should come along to see how these meetings work, to learn how to participate in these meetings, as Max said. Over the course of September into October, an issue has been raised among the Dauntless leaders about returning the Dauntless to the factionless sector. I wanted to assert that they've been removed because it was felt that the factionless needed help instead of policing. That was what I wanted to say, until Eric brought up the percentage of homicides among the factionless, and his assertion that squalor and extreme poverty lead people to act out on desperation.
"Come on, sleepy head," I hear Eric say, before he pulls the pillow from my fingers.
I groan and roll over, keeping my arm over my eyes. "I don't want to go," I mutter.
"You have to, as this is part of your training process," he replies.
I sigh, knowing that there is no use arguing with him. I don't want to risk trouble, either. Reluctantly, I throw the blankets off of me and stretch before leaving the bed. As I approach the clothing rack to look for what to wear, Eric says, "The Abnegation are going to cook breakfast for the leaders of other factions, I heard."
I turn to him, frowning. "They never make breakfast beforehand."
"Due to the tension between Erudite and Abnegation, I'm not surprised if they changed it," he notes. "Blue calms the mind, but food keeps the individual from getting too angry."
That makes sense now, since the councilmembers were probably worrying about what would transpire in that meeting with the Erudite there. However, even with breakfast provided, Jeanine Matthews will still try to sabotage the Abnegation, with using Dauntless or maybe even Amity as back up.
I take a set of black clothes and leave for the bathroom. We have until seven to get there, but we decided to get up at five thirty to get an early start. I allow the warm water to run down my body as I washed myself. I'm training to be a Dauntless leader and to be professional, one must be clean.
I'm not going to wear the eyeliner either.
I'm pulling on my black tank top when Eric comes into the bathroom. Looking at the mirror, it's like a moving portrait.
"Is there a particular reason why you are dreading this?" he asks me as I brush my hair.
"My father didn't particularly approve of my decision," I tell him. "He didn't even show up for Visiting Day."
"Likewise with my father and he is a faction leader," says Eric.
I drop my brush, looking at him in the mirror. "Your father is an Erudite leader?"
"Yeah," he answers. "Ever since I was in diapers. He is considered Jeanine's right-hand because he has the second highest IQ to hers."
"Who is the third leader?" I ask, picking up my brush.
"Jeanine's brother William," Eric answers. "The three highest IQs get appointed for leadership."
Since Eric's father is an Erudite leader, that was probably another factor for him being planted at Dauntless, especially for the leadership position. Out of the pool of past Erudite dependents, of course Jeanine would be interested in selecting the dependent whose parents are prominent members of the faction. It would make sense.
But I don't bring it up. I pick up my clip and partially restrain my hair at the side of my head. "It will be easier for you than me, because I just left my old faction a few months ago."
"It will not be hard for you," he says, turning me to face him. "You didn't acknowledge your brother at Erudite headquarters, so it will be easy to not acknowledge your father during the meeting at Hub."
Though I hate that thought, I know that Eric has a point. There is 'faction before blood' to consider. Giving my family members eye contact will mean that I'm not satisfied with my faction of choice.
Not giving my father eye contact is going to make him think that I'm angry with him. However, I shouldn't give them the idea that I regret joining Dauntless.
"You're right, it is easy," I tell him. "There is always Visiting Day."
"Yes, and I'll think he'll understand why you wouldn't give him eye contact," says Eric.
"Yeah," I say, my throat tight.
He pecks me on the lips and runs his hand down my neck. I feel my pulse quicken at his touch. I like it when my heart beat reacts to his touch, like it knows who it is. I look at his grey eyes, which could captivate you and put you in place, yet glare holes into you if the circumstances were different.
I leave the bathroom so he could take his shower. In the bedroom, I take a jacket from the rack and remove it from its hanger. I shouldn't hide my Abnegation tattoo, but it would be risky to showcase it, especially since I have chosen Dauntless.
Outside, there is only an occasional drizzle and the air feels cold; reminiscent of an October morning. I look at the Hub as we run towards it, its two prongs stabbing the sky. The last time I was here, I was unsure where I was going to go, what I was going to choose.
Inside, it's warmer and dry and instead of taking the stairs, we go up the elevator. I decide to stand at the back, so that my shoulders can touch the metal walls of the elevator. I feel my stomach tie in a knot from nervousness. I'm not ready for this.
Apparently, my anxiety must be visible.
"There is nothing to worry about from this," Veronica assures me. "Just watch us while we make our points across, so you can think of yours."
"You already had to go through initiation, which was the hard part," says Max. "If you didn't pass initiation, you wouldn't be here now."
I smile weakly, though that is not what I was worrying about. I don't have stage fright.
Eric laces his fingers with mine, like it's meant to be a comforting gesture. In moments, the elevator will reach the tenth floor and I'll see the members of my former faction. I'm sure father will not approve what I did with myself, but those were my decisions.
The elevator stops and the doors slide open to a short corridor. I can smell the aroma of breakfast food wafting into the hallway as well as hear soft conversation. Either were the second faction to come here or we are the third.
"Reckon that Erudite is here?" asks Jackie as we walk down the hallway to the dining hall.
"No, too soft," Eric points out. "Erudite conversation is more sharp and pointed."
"You would know," I say. "Either Johanna is here already or we're the second to arrive."
"That about sums it up," says Max as we enter the room. Conversation stops as we enter the room, which contains fifty people in Abnegation grey, though I see Johanna Reyes sitting next to Marcus, and three of the councilmembers are standing by the buffet.
Marcus stands up. "Welcome. Breakfast is being served and your seats have been assigned."
It's disturbing that Marcus makes himself look amiable when he is not, but from my peripheral vision, father is looking at me with surprise and disbelief. I'm sure he knew I was coming when they looked at the roster of who was coming, though he's probably surprised that actually gave myself a piercing and that I streaked my hair pink.
The three councilmembers take their places behind the buffet and seeing that one of them is Susan and Robert's father, I decide to go last, behind Eric.
"No wonder you're nervous," he says quietly. "We're surrounded by fifty members of your former faction."
"It doesn't help that half of these people know who I am," I whisper. "In Abnegation, everybody knows everyone else."
"Just like Erudite," says Eric.
As soon as Jackie is halfway through the line, three people in blue enter the room. The three leaders from the Erudite faction.
Marcus hesitates before welcoming them.
"Do you know what could have caused Jeanine to be antagonistic towards the Abnegation?" I ask Eric as he takes his plate.
Eric gestures to a plate of oatmeal with peaches in it and Mr. Black hands it to him. "What I do know is that Jeanine and Marcus were pretty chummy with each other until about two years ago."
I know that too. While father was still friends with Marcus, he didn't approve of Marcus's ties with Jeanine and around the time when Tobias left for Dauntless, the two had a fall out. Marcus claimed differences of opinion, though I wonder if it had to with what Marcus did to Tobias and Evelyn.
"It's true that we had our differences," says Jeanine, who is standing behind me. "Though the reason was very disquieting."
I don't answer back, as I don't want them to think that I agree with the Erudite, despite the fact that the accusation against Marcus is in fact true.
When I'm in front of Mr. Black, I feel the blood pound in my ears. The disapproving look that he is giving me isn't helping matters either. I'm no longer the nice Abnegation girl who lived in the house nearby. Initiation has hardened me, has made me jaded and unforgiving of those who wronged me.
"Um, just plain oatmeal," I say nervously.
His disapproving expression turns quizzical, like he didn't expect me to be nervous. Did he expect me to be boisterous? That's how the Abnegation see the Dauntless. He hesitates before handing me the bowl of oatmeal.
The next Abnegation councilmember I face is Alice Brewster, who looks at me like I'm a completely different person. I'm far from the quiet, polite daughter of a co-worker who spent her volunteer hours cleaning Abnegation headquarters and help cook food for the factionless.
I gesture at the hash brown patties, which she puts one on my plate. The next councilmember appears placid, fortunately, but that doesn't erase the feeling that a spotlight is being shined on me. I am not ashamed that I was once Abnegation, but today I feel like it would have been better if I was born in either Dauntless or Erudite.
Eric waits for me at the end of the food line, holding his tray. That's one of the things I like about him: he doesn't start without me. He hands me a plastic cup of orange juice before getting his own, and we go to the cluster of tables.
"Usually, these fall meetings cover possible changes for the city," he explains to me as we arrive at a table. "Either introducing new ideas or bringing back old ones, like what we are proposing."
Looking at the name cards, I see that I sit between Eric and Jeanine. Though I don't mind sitting next to Eric, the thought of sitting next to Jeanine makes the insides of my stomach curdle. Eric and put down our trays and move our chairs together before we sit down, elbow to elbow.
"I still don't understand why you prefer your oatmeal plain," says Eric as I cut up my hash brown patty while the other four Dauntless leaders join us.
"I don't see the point of adding anything," I reply. "I always had my oatmeal plain."
"We need you to get out of that Abnegation habit soon enough," he says with an amused smirk.
I hit him playfully in the arm, and the Abnegation members at the table behind us cast us disapproving glances, like they want to scold us for drawing attention to ourselves. "I'm not as uptight as I used to be."
"Which is a relief," he says in reply.
When the Erudite leaders join us, it's like the air decreased, especially since Jeanine is now sitting to my left. I would feel better sandwiched between Eric and Veronica, but unfortunately, I can't change seats.
"How lucky that we are sitting next to each other," says Jeanine.
I find it troublesome, in fact.
"I could hardly fathom why the Dauntless appoint mere children as faction leaders," drawls a black-haired Erudite man, whose name card identifies him as Cedric Matheson. He gives me an austere glance and continues, "And it seems like the Dauntless has sunk low in their standards, concerning the latest leader-in-trainer you have."
"Just because I was once Abnegation, that doesn't mean that I'm weak," I insist. "I've worked hard to pass initiation. It takes determination and dedication to pass initiation."
"Well said," says Veronica. "Hard times make one stronger as well."
Cedric merely glowers. "The fact remains, when one is born in their faction of origin, they remain the way they started even after you transfer."
"No, the mentality one acquires from their faction of origin is molded into new form when they transfer," Eric argues. "They still have some of that mentality that they acquired from childhood, but it's remolded once they integrate into their faction of choice."
"Now, now," says Jeanine. "Debating will only waste time."
Looking between the two, I decide that silence is preferable, as I don't want to get caught between an argument between father and son.
The Abnegation councilmembers serve themselves breakfast once Jack Kang arrives with someone from Candor; probably because they want a mediator due to the tension between Abnegation and Erudite.
Once I finish with breakfast, I push my plate away and leave the table, intent on going to the bathroom. There I can think for a bit in silence before the meeting starts in twenty minutes. Entering the women's room, I see that my hands are shaking when I open the nearest stall.
I'm guessing that I am nervous from being around my former faction as a full-fledged Dauntless member, and anxious since this is my first meeting of this nature. I fear that I might explode into tears by the end of this, and hopefully Eric is the only witness to that, as he'll provide a shoulder to cry on.
He's not insensitive to my emotions as he is with others. He doesn't condemn me for acting human. He reserves that tenderness for me.
I try to clear my head of it as I go into the bathroom stall.
When I enter back into the dining hall, looking forward to be back at Eric's side, Marcus approaches me as I pass the table he is occupying. I tense up, remembering the report against him.
"Could I have a word with you, Beatrice?" he asks. "I promise that you did nothing wrong."
I look back at the table where the Erudite leaders and the Dauntless leaders occupy, and watch Eric's apprehensive expression. I try to tell with him with my facial expression that I have no clue what Marcus wants before unwillingly following him to a corner of the room.
"How have you been, Beatrice?" he asks.
"Good," I say, folding my arms. "Dauntless initiation was rough, but I passed with no difficulty."
"Good," he says, nodding. "Have you encountered Tobias, by any chance?"
Is that why he pulled me over here: to ask about his son, who he abused? Marcus probably wants to make sure that my mind has not been "poisoned" by that "slanderous" report.
"I met him right when I stepped into the Dauntless compound, but I didn't know it was him right away," I answer. I see that Eric has left the table and is standing a few feet behind Marcus. He is probably curious why Marcus wants to speak with me and it's probably making him uncomfortable as well.
"He probably goes by a different name, like most of those hellions do," Marcus scoffs. "Have you heard anything relating to that report against me?"
I pause, wondering what to say before saying, "Well, a fellow initiate showed me the report hoping to get a rise from me about Abnegation, but I didn't believe it."
That was a complete lie. I should have said the truth: that Eric showed me the report and gave me good insight about the qualities of an abuser, but by doing that, I'm afraid that Marcus would lump me with the other Dauntless. That I have gone to the dark side and I don't want my former faction to think badly of me.
Marcus looks relieved. "Whatever you heard, Beatrice, those are just false allegations and preposterous falsehoods only used by Jeanine to discredit us. Yes, Tobias and I had our disagreements at times, but I would never physically abuse him, let alone strike him with a belt. Nor would I hurt Evelyn. What the Erudite accuse me of goes against the Abnegation teachings."
But you did it anyway, I think scathingly. "Well, I know that you would never do that," I say. "Things can be misread. He could be thrashing at night because of the initiation training.
"What I think is that Tobias probably wanted attention and a pity-party, and told that friend of his to make that comment about him thrashing at night," he says.
I taste bile in my throat at that accusation. Tobias would never ever do anything for attention, and he and Eric were far from friends. Eric must be within earshot, because he looks like someone insulted him.
"From what I got, Eric and Tobias hate each other," I say. "They don't appear to act like friends."
But I doubt that Marcus would change his opinion. I was relieved when he released me and I walked back to the table with Eric.